All of a sudden he is acting out...

My son is now 13, he was diagnosed at the age of 8. All of a sudden he is acting out, cussing all the time, lying, etc. Are these years the hardest, or is this just the beginning? When he finally hits puberty, will things get better?

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Yes, the teen years are the hardest, whether your son has Asperger’s Syndrome or not! I think he probably has “hit” puberty, but it’s just beginning. Raging hormones and frustration with social interactions at school can cause a lot of anger and bad behavior during the teen years. Many teens need counseling to negotiate this time in their lives successfully. Consider counseling for your son, starting now.

Your son is exhibiting rebellious behavior; i.e., inappropriate, and this type of behavior fulfills the child’s needs. Your son may have the need to:

• Avoid responsibility – Attending school, obeying parents
• Get something – His way in a decision, your attention, control over a situation
• Manage pain – Physical and/or emotional stress that must be alleviated
• Fulfill sensory needs – Relief from heat, cold, or to satisfy thirst

Your son is unlikely to identify with your feelings or comprehend others’ objections to his behaviour. The only explanation you should use with him is to specifically state that the objectionable behavior is not permitted. Your son needs to follow rules, and following rules can help to focus and modify his rebellious behavior.

Behavior modification is a therapeutic approach that can change your son’s behaviour. You need to determine the need that his rebellion/aggression fulfils and teach him an acceptable replacement behavior. For example, your son can be taught to ask for, point to, or show an emotion card to indicate the need that he is trying to fulfill. Sometimes, self-stimulating behaviours such as rocking or pacing are taught as replacement behaviours, but it will take time for your son to integrate these behaviours into his daily activities. If your son is severely out of control, he needs to be physically removed from the situation. Granted, this may be easier said than done, and you may need someone to help you; yet, behaviour modification can be helpful, and it must be started as soon as possible.

For children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome, the importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be stressed enough. A daily routine produces behavioral stability and psychological comfort for Asperger’s children. Also, it lessens their need to make demands. When you establish a daily routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your son’s behaviour becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give him attention, he may have less need to show aggression to try to get that attention.

Ideally over time, your child will learn to recognize and communicate the causes of his aggression and get his needs met by using communication. Unfortunately, children who get their needs met due to aggression or violence are very likely to continue and escalate this oppositional behavior.

A behavior therapy program may help your son; however an individualized program has to be designed for your son because children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and/or family circumstances. Treatment approaches that work well with other diagnoses may not work with Asperger’s. Consult a psychiatrist who can oversee a treatment plan as well as any medication regimen that your son may be need.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome.