My ASD Child

Sensory Diets for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"What are your thoughts on 'sensory diets' for children with high functioning autism? Do they work? How do you implement them?"

Very few moms and dads have heard of a “sensory diet” for kids with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA). Yet, a sensory diet may be the most important thing parents can do to help their children on the spectrum get through the “unstructured” summer months. In this article, we will look at what this diet is – and how you use it:

Just as your AS or HFA youngster needs food throughout the course of the day, his or her need for sensory input must also be met. A “sensory diet” is a carefully designed, personalized activity plan that provides the sensory input that a child on the autism spectrum needs to stay focused and organized throughout the day. Just as you may chew gum to stay awake or soak in a hot tub to unwind, AS and HFA kids need to engage in stabilizing, focused activities too. Infants, younger kids, teenagers – and even grown-ups with mild to severe sensory issues can all benefit from a personalized sensory diet.

Each AS and HFA youngster has a unique set of sensory needs. Generally, a youngster whose nervous system is on “high trigger/too wired” needs more calming input, while the youngster who is more “sluggish/too tired” needs more arousing input. Qualified occupational therapists can use their advanced training and evaluation skills to develop a good sensory diet for your youngster, but it’s up to you as a parent - and your youngster - to implement the diet throughout the course of the day.

Developing a sensory diet for your child is well worth the time and effort, because the effects of this diet are usually immediate AND cumulative. Activities that perk up your youngster or calm him/her down are not only effective in the moment – they actually help to restructure your youngster’s nervous system over time so that he or she is better able to (a) handle transitions with less stress, (b) limit sensory seeking and sensory avoiding behaviors, (c) regulate alertness, (d) increase attention span, and (e) tolerate sensations and situations that are challenging.

A sensory diet is like a diet that a nutritionist may recommend for proper nutrients and calories. It is developed to provide your AS or HFA youngster with the sensory stimulation (nutrients) that he or she requires for (a) helping maintain an optimum level of arousal, (b) promoting a level of alertness needed to develop self-regulation and behavioral organization, (c) increase gross/fine motor skills, (d) increase self-care and play/leisure skills, and (e) reducing sensory defensiveness.

The qualities of the sensory-motor activities recommended below impact the nervous system and have a modulating (i.e., calming or alerting) influence on behavior. Initially, the activities need to be repeated throughout the day (3 times works best) to help your youngster maintain an optimal level of behavior. As behavior changes, it can be determined as to how much and how frequent sensory input is needed.

A sensory diet is made up of activities from several sensory systems, each having a different effect on the youngster’s nervous system. Below are descriptions of these sensory systems and their associated sensory-motor activities:

1. The Proprioceptive System: This system receives input from the joints and muscles and provides the child with information about the position of his or her body. This input is strongest during movement and heavy work activities and helps with the integration of tactile input. Examples of activities which provide proprioceptive, deep pressure and heavy work input include the following:

Arm wrestling
Carrying heavy objects (e.g., filled laundry baskets, large soft drink bottles, a load of books, removing wet laundry from the washing machine, dragging or carrying grocery bags from the car to the kitchen)
Climbing on monkey bars, jungle gyms, or a chin-up bar
Crashing into several large cushions, beanbags or comforters (e.g., have the youngster dive, jump, roll, stretch and burrow in the cushions; use a crash cushion by stuffing large foam scraps into a comforter cover or into a large bag made by sewing two sheets together)
Have the child clean a mirror or window to help develop shoulder strength and stability
Hide objects in play-doh or silly putty
Make a sandwich out of the youngster between pillows, and add pressure as you pretend to put on pickles, cheese, lettuce, smooth on mayo, etc.
Swimming
Tug-of-war
Wheelbarrow walking

Ways to get heavy work orally:

Blowing bubbles
Chewy foods (e.g., fruit leather, bagels, turkey jerky, gum, taffy, etc.)
Crunchy foods (e.g., apple chunks, chips)

2. The Tactile System: This system is responsible for providing feedback about how something feels and where the child feels touch. It allows the child to interpret if something is cold, hot, wet, dry, sharp or dull – and whether it is safe touch or unsafe touch. Examples of activities with tactile input (touch) include the following:

Cut a hole in the top of a shoe box and place different objects in the box (e.g., a spool, marbles, plastic animals, little toys). Hide items the child wants in this box (e.g., puzzle pieces or balls to a game) and have the child find the item he or she wants.
Fill a large washtub or kitchen sink with sudsy water and a variety of unbreakable pitchers, bottles, turkey basters, sponges, eggbeaters and toy pumps. Pouring and measuring are excellent for developing the tactile system.
Try finger painting on a tray or mirror with paints, sand mixed into paint, peanut butter, shaving cream or pudding.
Offer different kinds of soap (e.g., oatmeal soap, shaving cream, lotion soap) and differently textured scrubbers (e.g., loofa sponges, thick washcloths, foam pot scrubbers, plastic brushes).

3. The Vestibular System: This system responds to motion, changes in head position and gravitational pull. It is a very important system because of its influence over muscle tone, balance and equilibrium, posture, coordination of the two sides of the body, and the coordination or eye movements with head movements. Examples of activities with vestibular input (movement) include the following:

Have the child swing on a swing set lying on his or her back, on the stomach, sitting, or standing.
Have the child swing forward, backward, side to side, or rotating.
Bouncing on a ball, or jumping on a trampoline or bed is a great activity.
Throwing beanbags at a target while swinging is another effective activity.
Use slides and merry-go-rounds.
Wrapping the child in a blanket and unrolling him quickly (roll in both directions or down a hill) is yet another helpful activity.
Bouncing on a “hippity hop” ball is good too.

These sensory diets don’t have to take a long time. Try to do them at the same time for 5-10 minutes throughout the day – especially during the unstructured summer months. It’s recommended that they are done at least 2-3 times a day, or immediately before the child is expected to do an activity requiring his or her undivided attention (e.g., doing homework). Also, be sure to ask your youngster’s occupational therapist for more ideas.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

Obsessions and the Autistic Mind: Help for People on the Autism Spectrum

Lecture by Mark Hutten, M.A. - Part 1 discusses obsessive thinking among individuals with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

More about intrusive thoughts in the autistic mind:

Obsessive thinking is like a CD in a CD-player that’s stuck and keeps repeating the same lyrics. It’s replaying an argument with a friend in your mind. It’s retracing past mistakes. When people obsess, they over-think or ruminate about situations or life events (e.g., school, work, relationships).

Research has shown that obsessive thinking is associated with a variety of negative consequences, including depression, anxiety, binge-drinking and binge-eating. For some people, drinking or binge-eating becomes a way to cope with life and drown out their obsessive thinking.

When people obsess while they are in depressed mood, they remember more negative things that happened to them in the past, they interpret situations in their current lives more negatively, and they are more hopeless about the future. Obsessive thinking also becomes the fast track to feeling helpless. Specifically, it paralyzes your problem-solving skills.

You become so preoccupied with the problem that you’re unable to push past the cycle of negative thoughts. It can even turn people away. When people obsess for an extended time, their family members and friends become frustrated and may pull away their support.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

Creating an Effective “Social Skills” Training Program for Kids on the Spectrum

Impairment in social functioning is a core feature of Aspergers (AS) and High Functioning Autism (HFA). Typical social skill problems include the following:

taking another person’s perspective
sharing enjoyment
responding to the initiations of others
reading the non-verbal cues of others
maintaining eye contact
initiating interactions

The cause of these social skill difficulties varies, ranging from neurological impairment to the lack of opportunity to acquire skills (e.g., social withdrawal). Most important, these skill problems make it difficult for the child to develop - and keep - fulfilling personal relationships. Although social skill problems are a core feature of AS and HFA, many of these kids do not receive adequate social skills training. This is a sad reality, especially considering that the presence of social deficits may lead to the development of more damaging outcomes (e.g., poor academic performance, social failure, peer rejection, anxiety, depression, etc.). The lack of proper social skills training is particularly troubling given the fact that most of the associated deficits can be corrected.

The long held notion that kids with AS and HFA lack an interest in social interactions is inaccurate. Most of these kids do indeed desire social involvement; however, they typically lack the necessary skills to interact effectively. This lack of “know-how” often leads to feelings of social anxiety. Many moms and dads report that social situations typically evoke a great deal of anxiety from their AS and HFA kids.

Kids on the autism spectrum often describe an anxiety that resembles what many of us feel when we are forced to speak in public (e.g., increased heart rate, sweaty palms, noticeable shaking, difficulty concentrating, etc.). Not only is public speaking stressful, but just the thought of it is enough to produce a heightened state of anxiety. Now imagine living a life where every social interaction you experience was as stressful as having to make a speech in front of a big crowd. The typical coping strategy for most of us is to reduce the anxiety by avoiding the stressful situation.

For kids with AS and HFA, social anxiety often results in the avoidance of social situations, and subsequently, the development of social skill problems. When a youngster continually avoids social encounters, he denies himself the opportunity to acquire social skills. For many kids on the spectrum, these social skill difficulties lead to negative peer interactions, peer rejection, isolation, anxiety, depression, substance abuse – and even suicidal ideation. For others, it creates a pattern of engaging in solitary activities (a pattern that is often difficult to change).

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

So, what can parents do to help their AS and HFA children overcome social skills deficits?

The first step in social skills training should consist of conducting a thorough evaluation of the youngster’s current level of social functioning. The purpose of the assessment is to answer one very basic question: “What is preventing my youngster from establishing and maintaining social relationships?” For most kids, the answer takes the form of specific social skill problems. For others, the answer takes the form of cruel and rejecting peers. And for yet others, the answer is both.

The evaluation should (1) detail both the strengths and weakness of the child related to social functioning, and (2) involve a combination of (a) observation (e.g., watching how your child interacts with others, (b) interviews (e.g., talking to your child, his teachers, his peers, etc.), and (c) standardized measures (e.g., behavioral checklists, social skills measures).

Parents need to ascertain current level of functioning and effectively intervene at the youngster’s area of need. For example, if the evaluation reveals that your youngster is unable to maintain simple one-on-one interactions with peers, then the intervention should begin at this point, and not at a more advanced group interaction level. As another example, if the evaluation revels that your youngster does not know how to play symbolically - or even functionally - with play items, then the intervention will probably begin by teaching play skills prior to teaching specific interaction skills.

After a thorough assessment of social functioning is complete, parents should then determine whether the skill problems identified are the result of “skill acquisition” issues or “performance” issues. A skill acquisition deficit refers to the absence of a particular skill or behavior (e.g., the youngster may not know how to effectively join-in games with peers, thus she will often fail to participate). A performance deficit refers to a skill or behavior that is present, but not demonstrated or performed (e.g., the youngster may have the ability to join-in an activity, but for some reason, fails to do so).

In discerning between a skill acquisition deficit and a performance deficit, ask yourself the following question: “Can my youngster perform the task with multiple people and across multiple settings?” For example, if your youngster only initiates interactions with you at home, but not with peers at school, then you will need to address the initiation difficulty as a skill acquisition deficit.

Too often, social skill problems and inappropriate behaviors are incorrectly viewed as performance problems (i.e., parents assume that when their youngster does not perform a certain task, it is the result of refusal or lack of motivation). Parents need to understand that the majority of social skill problems in kids with AS and HFA can be attributed to skill acquisition problems (i.e., they are not performing socially because they lack the necessary skills to do so). If parents want their kids to be successful socially, then they will need to teach them the skills to be successful.

The benefit of discerning between “skill acquisition” versus “performance” problems is that it guides the selection of intervention strategies. The intervention selected should match the type of deficit present. Once a thorough social skill assessment is completed, and the parent is able to attribute the social deficits to either skill acquisition or performance issues, social skills training can begin.

When selecting intervention techniques, parents need to understand the concept of “accommodation” versus “assimilation.” Accommodation refers to the act of modifying the physical or social environment for the youngster in order to promote positive social interactions (e.g., training peer-mentors to interact with the youngster throughout the school day, autism awareness training for peers, having the child participate in various group activities like the Girl Scouts). While accommodation addresses changes in the child’s environment, assimilation focuses on changes in the child herself. Assimilation refers to training that facilitates skill acquisition that allows the youngster to be more successful in social interactions.

The key to successful social skills training is to address both accommodation and assimilation. Focusing on one, but not the other, sets the youngster up for failure. In other words, providing social skills training (i.e., assimilation) without modifying the environment to be more accepting of the youngster (i.e., accommodation) is a recipe for a failed training program (e.g., when an eager youngster attempts a newly learned skill on a group of non-accepting peers).

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

There are number of important questions to consider when selecting appropriate social skill strategies. For example:

What is the plan to evaluate the strategy’s effectiveness with the youngster?
Is there research to support the use of this strategy?
Is the strategy developmentally appropriate for the youngster?
Does the strategy target the skill problems identified in the social assessment?
Does the strategy promote skill acquisition?
Does the strategy enhance performance?

Once parents have (a) assessed social skill functioning, (b) identified skills to teach, (c) discerned between skill acquisition and performance problems, and (d) selected intervention strategies, it is time to implement the strategies. Parents cannot do this alone however. Social skills training should be provided in multiple settings (e.g., home, classroom, resource room, playground, community, etc.) and by multiple providers (e.g., parents, teachers, coaches, therapists, etc.).

There is no “best” place to teach social skills, though it is important to keep in mind that the purpose of all social skills training should be to promote social success “with peers in the natural environment.” For example, if the youngster is receiving social skills training from a private therapist, it is crucial that a plan be put in place to facilitate transfer of skills from the clinic to the child’s natural environment. Moms and dads and educators should look for opportunities to prompt and reinforce the skills that are being taught in the clinic.

The rate of social skills acquisition will differ widely from one youngster to the next. Some kids will begin using their new skills after only 3 or 4 sessions, while other kids may require over 6 months before they begin to “get it.” In any event, simply trying a new skill is just the first step towards success. The youngster will need additional time to master the skill that he is learning and developing.

“Assess and modify” is the last stage in the intervention process, but it is not the last thing to think about when designing a social skills training program. As soon as parents are able to identify the social skill problems to be addressed, they should begin to develop the methods for evaluating the effectiveness of the intervention. For example, if the target of the intervention is social initiations, then parents and teachers should take baseline data on the frequency of initiations with peers, and then continue to collect data on social initiations throughout the implementation stage of the intervention.

Accurate data collection is important in evaluating the effectiveness of the intervention. It allows all parties involved to determine whether the youngster is benefiting from the training, and how to modify the training to best meet her needs. In school settings, accurate data collection is especially important. When parents work with school staff, the focus should be on integrating the social skills program with the youngster’s behavioral and social objectives. Also, the “assess and modify” stage is typically a very important part of IEP development and implementation.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

Tough Love for Adult Children Still Living with Their Parents

Is your adult child with Aspergers or high functioning autism still living with you and taking little responsibility for his or her life? Do you feel that change needs to happen?

Segment from Mark Hutten's workshop on Launching Adult Children with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism: Promoting Self-Reliance:

Teaching Children on the Autism Spectrum to Handle Teasing

"How can I help my son (high functioning autistic) to avoid over-reacting to 'teasing' from schoolmates? Some of them apparently pester him because they know they can get a 'rise' out of him, which results in my son being the one who gets in trouble."

Too often, children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) get teased by their peers, but they may not fully understand why they are being targeted – or worse yet – when teasing crosses the line into bullying. Thus, it’s up to parents to educate their children about teasing (e.g., when it's innocent child’s play, when it has gone too far, how to respond, etc.).

In selecting the appropriate strategies to deal with "the teaser,” parents will need to determine the specific strengths and weaknesses their child has socially. They can do this by observing their youngster interacting with peers and siblings. Next, parents should take time to think about their child's temperament. Temperament includes:

sensitivity or emotional reactivity
persistence
intensity
initial reaction to situations and people
general mood
distractibility
adaptability
activity level

All AS and HFA kids are not the same. Finally, parents should take the youngster’s age into consideration.

The best strategies fit your youngster’s situation, age, skills, temperament, and the seriousness of the teasing incidents. Teaching your son or daughter the skills described below takes time and effort. The behaviors must be modeled and practiced if your youngster is going to be successful. The payoffs are significant though. Payoffs include safety, self-confidence, resiliency, ability to handle difficult or frightening situations, and the belief your youngster develops that he has the ability to master and to change challenging situations.

Always teach more than one strategy to combat teasing so that your youngster always has a second one to try if the first doesn’t work out (three to five well-mastered strategies from the list below works best).

How to help children with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism handle teasing:

1. Begin by teaching self-control strategies. Start with a discussion about teasing, carefully and explicitly describing situations when your youngster should try to handle the teasing herself, and when she should NOT try to manage the teaser.

2. Keep your cool. It is important that the teaser does not see that your son or daughter is upset or afraid. Control of emotions needs to be taught first. This takes lots of practice, especially for kids who are emotionally reactive, timid or impulsive.

3. Describe the difference between teasing, harassment and bullying. When teasing is excessive – it’s harassment. When harassment continues over time – it’s bullying.

4. Carefully define dangerous situations. Your youngster must not try to manage dangerous situations himself.

5. Agree with the facts. This is one of the easier ways to handle a teaser, but it requires emotional control. Example: The teaser says, “You have a lot of freckles.” Your youngster responds, “Right.” The teaser says, “You’re a crybaby.” Your youngster says, “I’m a sensitive person.” When the teaser points out your child’s mistakes, teach your child to say, “You’re right, I blew it.”

6. Tell your youngster that sometimes he will need to find an adult and get help (e.g., “If the teasing doesn’t stop or is dangerous, if the teaser threatens to hurt you, or if the teaser touches you, tell a grown-up as soon as possible”).

7. Ask for clarification. Simply ask calmly and without emotion, "What did you say?" or "What do you mean?" Usually the teaser doesn’t know what to say next and will say “forget it.” If the teaser repeats the comment, stare blankly and walk away.

8. Avoiding the teaser is an important strategy for some situations. Remind your youngster to go a different way, and to stay near other kids or grown-ups. This is a safety strategy for teasing verging on bullying, and for kids who do not yet have the skills or confidence to use the strategies that they are learning.

9. Practice assertive body language with your youngster. Find pictures in magazines in which the person looks powerless, and ones in which the models appear assertive. Point out body posture and facial expressions. Act out assertive postures (e.g., standing tall, looking directly at the other person, tightening the jaw and arms, relaxing the rest of the body, etc.).

10. Teach your youngster a script to say over and over until the teasing stops (because it’s no longer fun for the teaser), for example “This is getting very boring” … “Stop it” … “Don’t you have anything else to do.” The script needs to be assertive – but not challenging. The statement needs a shrug, a scrunched up face and shake of the head, or a slight smile respectively. This technique requires a lot of skill because the nonverbal behavior is very important along with the statement. Remind your youngster to check if the situation is safe before using this technique.

11. Learn how to deal with whispers. Teach your youngster to ask, “Do you have something to say about me?” when peers are whispering and laughing. Assertive body language and an exaggerated facial expression works well here.

12. Decide if the situation is safe. Your youngster must not try to handle situations that are not safe. Unsafe situations can be recognized when (a) the teasing occurs in a very isolated place with no other kids or grown-ups around, (b) the teasers are much older or bigger, (c) the teasing involves pushing, tripping, or threats, and (d) the teasing occurs over and over. In these cases, AS and HFA kids need to get help and report what is happening to them as soon as possible (use the word ‘report’ rather than ‘telling’ given the sanctions against ‘telling’ within the peer-group).

13. Learn to confront. “Confrontational” statements are designed to stop teasers in their tracks. Examples: “I didn’t do anything to you, why are you bugging me?” … “That’s not funny at all” … “I don’t like this” … “Could you please stop?” … “Cool it.” The nonverbal behavior used with this strategy is important. Practice standing tall, using direct eye-contact and setting a firm expression.

14. Use disarming humor. Use humor, laugh about the teasing, and make it playful. A witty one-liner might be enough to make the teaser stop. Laughing can turn a hurtful situation into a funny one (but it requires some maturity on the part of the AS or HFA child to do this successfully). For example, teach your youngster to use clever comebacks like, “Thanks, I love compliments”… “Hard to believe, isn’t it?”… “Old clothes are in, didn’t you know?”… “You made my day” … “Tell me something I don’t already know” …and so on.

15. Use distraction. Teach your youngster to talk about something else to distract or divert the focus of the teasing comments. Make a short comment about a nearby game or activity, a class, or what is going to be served for lunch.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

16. Use agreement. Agree with everything that the teaser is saying. Say something like, “Yes that’s true”… “I see what you mean” … “Makes sense to me.”

17. Use compliments. Teach your youngster to compliment the teaser by saying something like, “Wow, you’re better than me, I’m still learning” … “You’re good at this, how about helping me?”…and so on.

18. Use “I Feel” statements. This technique works best when the AS or HFA child uses it within earshot of a grown-up. If it is used when there is no help around, it can invite more teasing. Practice checking to see that an adult is within earshot, making eye contact, speaking clearly, using a polite tone of voice and saying, “When you ___ I feel ___ because ___ so please stop” (e.g., “When you keep calling me stupid, I feel sad because I thought you were my friend …so please stop”).

19. Show no emotion. Anger and tears usually make teasing worse. Staying in control is very difficult for many AS and HFA kids. It requires active and intense effort. Your youngster must have adequate emotional control to pull this off. For this technique to work, he needs to be careful not to look at the teaser or respond to the teaser.

20. Help your youngster understand when it is dangerous to try to manage the teaser (e.g., when the teaser is older or much stronger, or when the teasing takes place in isolated areas with no one around).

21. Parents should NOT confront the youngster who is doing the teasing for several reasons:

it makes it difficult for the children to “make up”
it makes your youngster even more powerless (e.g., the teaser may say something like, “Your ‘mommy’ is trying to save you”)
the teaser’s parents may view the situation much differently than you do
your youngster may become friends with the teaser next week (you know how kids are – mortal enemies one minute, inseparable buddies the next)

22. Leave assertively. This technique is for situations when the teaser is in your youngster’s face. Teach your youngster to say things like, “I’m leaving” … “I have more important things to do” … “Go bother someone else” … “I’m out of here” … “See you later!” … “Leave me alone” … “I don’t have to listen to this” … “Quit bugging me” …and so on. Teach your youngster to use one of these statements, and then to walk away quickly. Practice making only one assertive statement. Be sure that your youngster understands that this technique may not work all the time. If it doesn’t work, a different technique needs to be used immediately. Thus, when practicing, teach several techniques at the same time.

23. Make sure that your youngster understands that reporting something that is cruel or hurtful is not “tattling,” rather it’s “standing up for your rights.” If your youngster has issues around tattling, and the situation is not immediately dangerous, suggest that she warn the teaser that she will tell if the teasing doesn’t stop. Once warned, it is more acceptable to tell.

24. Question the teaser. Teach your AS/HFA youngster to ask questions, which are designed to neutralize what is being said by the teaser. For example, “Why are you so interesting in my glasses?” … “Why would you care that I didn’t comb my hair today?” … “Are you always a joker, or are you just making a special effort with me?” …and so on. An innocent expression works well with this strategy.

25. Use positive thinking. This technique is for the youngster who is less reactive and feels okay about himself. Explain to your youngster that he has the power to choose how to act when someone is teasing. Your youngster can decide that it isn’t worth the trouble to get upset, or he can decide that there is no way that the teaser is going to win by seeing him upset. Help your youngster see that he doesn’t have to let the other person have power. The person who has the power is the one who stays in control.

26. Use reframing. This is a technique which changes your youngster’s perception about the negative statement. Turn the tease into a comment. For example, if your youngster is being teased about wearing glasses, she could say something like, “Thanks for noticing my glasses” … “That’s cool that you noticed me” …and so on.

27. Teach several relaxation techniques (e.g., deep breathing, counting backwards, thinking of a pleasant scene, etc.). Relaxation methods do not work in stressful situations, unless they are practiced in situations that are not stressful. Practice with your youngster several times a day, making a game of the methods, or calling them “daily exercises.”

28. Use self-talk. Teach your youngster by modeling talking to yourself. This is a silent “pep-talk” strategy. Help your youngster practice saying very quietly (and later to himself) things like, “I don’t like this, but I can handle it” … “I don’t believe what this kid is saying about me” … “I have a lot of talents” …and so on. This strategy requires ability to concentrate when stressed.

29. Just shrug. A quick technique is to shrug your shoulders and walk away.

30. Another good strategy is to simply say, “So?” …in response to teasing. This technique must be executed with appropriate nonverbal communication, thus it needs practice. The nonverbal gestures could include a quick smile, a slight tip of the head, or a slight shrug of the shoulder before walking away.

31. State the obvious. Teach your son or daughter to comment on what the teaser is doing (e.g., "You’re kicking my chair" … "You’re standing on my foot"). This requires an accompanying nonverbal gesture (e.g., raised eyebrows and pursed lips).

32. Use visualization. Ask your youngster to picture himself as a ball, and the words that the teaser is saying are bouncing off -- or he can pretend that there is a shield or bubble around him so that the words can’t get through. Teach your youngster that he can refuse to listen to the insults, protecting himself with an imaginary bubble or an invisible protective shield. Some AS and HFA kids can imagine themselves as a super-power figure that is safe from insults and mockery.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

Dining Out with Children on the Autism Spectrum: 20 Tips for Parents

"How can we keep our son from melting down every other time we attempt to eat out? We've had to leave in the middle of a meal numerous times of late (very embarrassing)."

One of the biggest challenges for parents with an Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) youngster is going out for dinner at a restaurant. Some children are disturbed by changes in their routine, others can be annoyed by noisy places, and some simply do not like to wait in line.

So, a lot of moms and dads choose to avoid eating out at restaurants – including on their family vacation. However, there are a few tricks that you can use to making dining out with your “special needs” child more enjoyable.

Tips for dining out with your Aspergers and HFA child:

1. Considering eating dinner a bit earlier (e.g., 4:30 pm) when the restaurant is not as crowded.

2. Demonstrate the whole dining out experience at home first. Practice reviewing a menu, ordering, coloring, etc.

3. Give the waiter your credit card up front and tell her you may have to leave early.

4. Leave early even if things are going well. End on a good note by heading home immediately after you take your last bite. Don’t press your luck by staying too long.

5. Rehearse eating out at a low-stake establishment first (e.g., a fast food restaurant, a salad bar/buffet). This will help pave the way toward managing a meal at a nicer restaurant.

6. Look for restaurants with patios so you can sit outside. It’s usually not as crowded outside, and there is a little more space between tables.

7. If you stay in a Hotel that serves food, consider having food delivered to the room, or get takeout and bring it back to the room.

8. Make sure the restaurant can accommodate a diet for kids on the autism spectrum, because as you know, many of these young people have restricted diets (e.g., gluten-free).

9. Have your child use the bathroom before leaving the house so you can possibly avoid giving with the “public restroom rules” speech.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

10. One of the most difficult situations for many of these kids is dealing with delays and having to wait. If you face a long wait, break the time into smaller chunks that can be more easily managed by your youngster. For example, you might tell your youngster that you will be waiting for 10 minutes. When that time is up, walk outside for a few minutes, and then return to the waiting area.

11. Visual cues (e.g., setting a timer) help focus the youngster’s attention away from a long wait. Be sure that you have control of the time. It is important to have a good idea of how long a delay you really face. If the wait takes longer than 30 minutes, you may find yourself on the receiving end of a meltdown.

12. Try to locate restaurants that are renowned for fast service. Many Mexican establishments are great for this.

13. Watch for signs of an impending meltdown (e.g., child is holding his head, frowning, getting fidgety, beginning to exhibit “tics” such as rapid eye blinking, etc.). It’s better to leave hungry while the waters are still calm than to risk getting stuck in an emotional storm with all eyes watching.

14. Prepare your youngster for what is going to happen next during the dining experience (e.g., “the waiter will be here shortly to take our order” … “the waiter is getting ready to bring our food” … “we are going to be leaving in about 10 minutes” …and so on).

15. Pay attention to what your son is doing at all times. Younger children on the spectrum don’t think twice about leaning over and stealing a few onion rings from the guy at the next table, or staring-down the teenager in a nearby booth.

16. Strongly consider allowing your child to take a gadget with him into the restaurant – anything to keep him distracted (e.g., toy, handheld video games, etc.).

17. Try to go to places that immediately serve an appetizer (e.g., chips, bread, peanuts, etc.) so your youngster is not waiting for food. Italian restaurants are great for this.

18. Don't wait until Pepsi has been spilled all over your pants before asking that your youngster's drink be served in a “to go” cup with a lid.

19. Prepare ahead of time by using visual schedules and social stories about what the restaurant experience will be like.

20. If you attempt a dining out experience that fails miserably, just leave early and go home. Do not use the trip home as an opportunity to lecture your child. After he has calmed down, talk with your child about what worked, what didn’t, and what everyone can do differently the next time you go out to eat. Rehearse this at home (i.e., play a game called "eating out"). Practice makes perfect – don’t give up!

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

COMMENTS:

•   Anonymous said... My son is 12. Eating out does have its challenges we have had some awful evenings out but now we always make sure he has his book/kindle with him
Any stressful situation or bad behaviour we just get him to read,
It relaxes and calms him. He escapes into his story and forgets what's around him.
•   Anonymous said... Thanks this was very helpful. We are going on holiday in a few weeks and its useful to have some helpful advice for.meals out or routine changes etc. I will be taking my sand timer with me for little man to use x
•   Anonymous said... The only problem I have when we go out a restaurant is . My son only eats pizza. So we can only go to restaurant that have pizza on the kids menu:(
•   Anonymous said... We dont have as much trouble with the waiting as we do with him getting sick. I guess being in a social environment makes him so nervous he gets sick when we go out.
•   Anonymous said... We just did this last week with my 5 year old. He is one of five children, and second to last. Our mexican resturant knows our situation, so when ever they see us coming they seat us in thier closed section! Its great because it gives me a chance to work with him and also see where he is at, as he gets older. You never know till you try I feel your challenges everyday! Thank you for your page. Its so helpful and nice to know i'm not alone... Good.luck everyone!
•   Anonymous said... Yes, it's our inclination to avoid taking them out, but I feel it's better to keep providing them with outside experiences. It's about preparing them ahead of time. A few days before tell them you are going out to dinner. Tell them where. It's best to go to the same place when possible for a while and then branch out. Remind them of the place. Describe it to them. Prepare them if you think there will be a little wait. Bring something to occupy them. Think about the menu. Download it if you can. Have them circle what they want. We do that with the children's menu placemats. So when the waiter appears they don't have to "remember", they know! They can even point. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition... it's my motto!

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Children on the Autism Spectrum with Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Dual Diagnosis

Important information for parents of kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism who are also diagnosed with ODD:

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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