Helping Aspergers and HFA Children Develop Nonverbal Communication Skills


"My son doesn’t seem to understand others’ nonverbal messages, and he isn’t very good at sending clear nonverbal messages either. Are there ways to teach nonverbal communication?"

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Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.



Helping Aspergers Children Adjust to the School Environment

Many – if not most – Aspergers (high functioning autistic) kids have significant problems adjusting to the school environment. Although some begin to struggle as early as preschool, almost all will encounter some degree of difficulty by the upper elementary school grades. Here is how moms and dads can help:

1. As your youngster's advocate you have a never-ending job! There is always so much to teach and so much to do. Usually, the school year is stressful- not only for the kids with Aspergers, but their moms and dads as well. Remember, you have to make some effort to take care of your own needs, if you plan to have the time and energy to attend to the needs of others.

2. Establish "homework" routines by helping your youngster get into the habit of doing quiet activities at a specific time and place every day. This could be time for reviewing previously mastered skills, doing silent reading, journal writing, crossword puzzles and similar activities before school begins. Do be careful that this is not a time to have your youngster engage in his most preferred activities, as it is designed to set the stage for homework during the school year.

3. Recognize that the week prior to the start of school is an extremely busy time. You may be able to arrange for the team to meet for one hour and arrange for follow-up meetings at the beginning of the school year. The most helpful information will include simple suggestions to assist educators in reducing your youngster's anxiety. Educators do not need to become an "expert" on Aspergers before your youngster walks into their classroom. If a meeting is not going to be possible, prepare a one page synopsis about your youngster for the teacher. This may include:
  • Suggestions to reduce anxiety
  • Stress Triggers
  • Stress Signs
  • Strengths and interests and how the teacher can use them to orchestrate successful experiences
  • Challenges that may not be obvious

4. If your youngster will be attending a new school, see if it's is possible to visit the school several times over the summer. Perhaps your youngster can be provided with opportunities to become acquainted with some of the staff at school as well. The more familiar the child is with all aspects of the environment, the more comfortable she will be. If your youngster will be returning to the same school, you may not need as extensive an orientation. However, it may still be beneficial to meet her new teacher and to see the classroom. One parent indicated that she purchases the school yearbook to acquaint her youngster with the building, pictures and names of key school personnel, as well as information regarding available extracurricular activities.

5. If your school requires school uniforms, you may need to give your youngster time to get used to wearing the uniform. In some cases, it may be helpful to wash the uniform several times with fabric softener to lessen the "sensory" challenges. Plan to have your youngster wear his uniform for gradually longer periods of time, over the course of several days prior to the start of school. If your school doesn't have uniforms, it is still possible that "appropriate attire" for school may be different than what your youngster chooses to wear during the summer. Have your youngster practice wearing appropriate school attire before the first day of school. If your youngster will be attending a new school and you're not sure what children wear, it's a good idea to ask - so you can help your youngster learn to wear clothing that will be considered "ok" by peers.

6. Make friendly overtures with school personnel to set the stage for a collaborative relationship. When you stop by the school during the summer, consider bringing cookies for all staff working in the front office. Bet yet, when your youngster accompanies you, let your youngster practice the social skill of offering items to others. Remember, in general, school personnel are overworked and under-appreciated! From the very beginning, look for opportunities to show appreciation and support to all school personnel who go out of their way to help your youngster be successful. Some suggestions include:
  • donations of useful items for the classroom
  • gift certificates to stores
  • hosting teacher appreciation lunches or dinners
  • letters of support sent to their supervisor
  • occasional treats (homemade or bought)
  • paid attendance at conference
  • volunteering to help with various projects at school

7. Many children with Aspergers have difficulty adjusting to new routines. Therefore, in the weeks prior to the beginning of school it is helpful to gradually move into the schedule that is necessary during the school year. This might mean shifting bed time to the time your youngster will need to go to sleep during the school year. You may also focus on helping your youngster becomes accustomed to waking up earlier in the morning. For many kids, it is important that they also reestablish morning routines. This may reduce some of the "challenging mornings" many moms and dads report in getting their youngster ready for school.

8. Plan on using external motivational systems in order to be able to implement these changes. Children with Aspergers rarely see "our agenda" as necessary or important. This can often involve the use of activities/items we often give away freely (e.g., watching TV shows, playing favorite games, errand to favorite store, points/tokens exchangeable for something your youngster wants). Remember, the key to motivation is that the reinforcer must be powerful and immediate!

9. The development of all positive social relationships will be helpful for your youngster. Prior to the start of school, you will want to try and target one or two kids who will attend school with your youngster: Usually, successful social experiences are easiest to structure with one youngster at a time, rather than a group. Sometimes, moms and dads experience more success if they establish a relationship with the parent of a "tolerant" peer and enlist the support of the parent (and the student) in serving as a "peer buddy".

10. You will want to remain in close contact with school personnel to identify problems early on in the school year. In particular, you will want to monitor supports/problems in all unstructured situations, monitor your youngster's stress signals, monitor for teasing and bullying and communicate frequently about homework assignments.

Student Orientation—

Provide a walk-through of the Aspergers child's daily schedule. In schools where the schedule changes from day to day, the child should have the opportunity to practice all possible schedules. If applicable, student "buddies" should be available to walk through the schedule with the Aspergers child. The following are suggestions for the walk-through:
  1. Meet all educators and relevant school personnel.
  2. Obtain information about school routines and rules (e.g., lunch, going to the bathroom, before/after school, transportation).
  3. Practice route(s) from various classes to the bathroom, counselor's office, home base, etc.
  4. Practice routines such as finding homeroom from the bus stop, opening locker, going through the cafeteria line, etc.
  5. Practice use of transition to home base through role-play.
  6. Provide instruction on the procedure for seeking out the safe person and home base.
  7. Provide the child the pictures and names of all additional personnel, such as cafeteria workers, school nurse, etc.
  8. Provide the child with pictures and names of all educators in advance of orientation.
  9. Provide the child with pictures and names of student "buddies."
  10. Provide visual/written class schedule(s) for the child.
  11. Show the child where her assigned seat in each classroom will be.
  12. Videotape a walk-through school schedule for the child to review at home.   
Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.



Helping Aspergers and HFA Children Get to Sleep

Nearly 70 percent of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic (HFA) children under age 10 experience some type of sleep problem. And although “sleep needs” naturally decrease by about 15 minutes on average every year (1-year-olds require almost 14 hours daily, while a 17-year-old needs at least 8.25 hours), a startling 80 percent of Aspergers and HFA children ages 11 to 17 get less than the recommended amount. Some these kids may have chronic sleep difficulties, and many are actually going through their days sleep-deprived.

Does your child:
  • get out of bed over and over until you are both exhausted and your child is crying
  • demand that you lie down with her and stay there until she falls asleep
  • call to you after you have already read 3 stories, checked for monsters, lined up the stuffed animals, and made sure that the door was ajar in exactly the correct position to your child’s specifications
Do you:
  • wake up in your own bed and notice the extra body sleeping peaceful beside you
  • try to sneak out of your child’s bedroom, but he wakes up and demands that you return
  • find yourself drifting off and waking up two hours later in your child’s bed
If any of this sounds familiar, then you are probably waking up exhausted in the morning, dragging yourself through your day, and dreading this evening when it all starts again.

Help your youngster get better rest by trying out one or more of the following strategies:

1. About fifteen minutes before bedtime, and again five minutes before, remind your youngster that bedtime is coming soon. It's hard for kids to stop doing something they enjoy, and a reminder gives them time to finish what they're doing and to get ready to "switch gears" for actual bedtime routines. Some people find it helpful to use neutral timekeepers like clocks or a timer to help kids see when it’s time for bed.

2. The key to getting a youngster to bed easily is helping them to relax before bed time arrives. Not only is bath time necessary to prepare your youngster for the next day, it also helps by slowing them down into the right frame of mind needed to fall asleep. A warm bath or shower is very comforting and also helps to relax the body, making focusing the youngster on calming down before bed much easier.

3. Bedtime starts long before kids are in bed. In fact, kids are far more ready for bedtime if they have "winding down" time with some calm, relaxing activities. It's wise to avoid television programs that might make your kids excited or feel they need rough and tumble play. If you offer an evening snack, keep away from foods with caffeine, like colas and chocolate which are stimulants and could keep your youngster awake. Better to give fruit, pretzels, or cookies and a little milk.

4. Clean up before bed. Kids often make random messes during their playtime and it is very helpful to the parents to have them put their things away before bed. Children picking up their own things give the parents the ability to spend more time focused on their kids. You are also reinforcing a great habit while your kids are young. The less a parent or caregiver has to be responsible for, the less stress they will have.

5. Consider using the supplement Melatonin. More than two dozen studies have shown that melatonin helps children who have insomnia, and it has few or no side effects. The U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality in 2005 concluded that melatonin supplements are safe. Children with Aspergers and Autism are often given this supplement because their bodies either don't produce melatonin – or do so only erratically. This is not a treatment for the healthy child who just doesn't want to go to bed or the child with occasional trouble falling asleep. Melatonin is most beneficial for children who suffer brain injuries in which the brain no longer produces enough melatonin. About 15% of pediatricians recommend melatonin to help kids who have insomnia.

6. Create a buffer time to lower down the activity level for an hour or so before bedtime. Find quieter activities such as coloring, reading or playing quietly.

7. Decrease television time and increase your youngster's activities and exercise levels during the day.

8. Eliminate caffeine from your youngster’s diet. Cola drinks and chocolate have significant caffeine.

9. Encourage your kids to find ways to comfort themselves-- maybe holding a stuffed animal, making up a story or imagining a pleasant "dream."

10. Find a balance between being comforting and being firm about the rules. If you've set a rule of "one small drink of water" or "two books," kindly remind your youngster of the rule and then stick to it.

11. Have a bedtime snack. This does not need to be a big deal. It is just a little food to help them tide themselves over to morning and breakfast, which is a long time away. A cheese stick or a small glass of milk and a slice of bread or a handful of crackers is all it takes. Cooking is not required. Sweets are probably not a good idea for many reasons. Having a little something in their stomach before bedtime makes them more comfortable and less likely to sleep lightly or have trouble getting to sleep in the first place.

12. If you feel comfortable about it, you may want to leave on a night light or decorate your youngster's bedroom walls or ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stickers. Having a bit of light reminds kids that there is still light somewhere and that before long, the daylight will come again.

13. If your youngster has had a nightmare, you can assure your youngster that a dream is only a dream, and a dream can’t hurt anybody.

14. Let your youngster know that it's okay if he or she doesn't fall asleep right away, but that it's important to stay in bed.

15. Let your kids know that you understand how disappointed they can get when they have to stop playing and get ready for bed. Just knowing that parents care about their feelings can help kids manage better.

16. Set a bed time. Being consistent is the most important rule with kids. You will find that deciding on a specific bed time and sticking to it will greatly reduce the struggle to get children to bed. When deciding on the time, make sure to consider the different aspects of the youngster’s needs. A youngster needs 10 to 11 hours of sleep to function well during the day. Most kids do not fall asleep right away, so make sure to account for that factor in determining the bed time.

17. Some families find it helpful to leave the bedroom door open a bit, so kids can hear some familiar sounds of the household as they try to fall asleep. If kids do get out of bed, it's best to walk them back to their rooms. Kids need to know their own beds and bedrooms are safe places.

18. Some families put a sticker on a calendar each morning after their youngster was able to stay in bed all night. There may not be many stickers to begin with, but seeing them increase over time can let kids realize that they've been able to manage something that once had been hard for them.

19. Spend ten minutes cuddling with your youngster. This will build a sense of love and security as well as provide a time to calm down.

20. Try to make bedtime the same time each night. Kids understand what's expected of them when they have a routine that's predictable.

21. Tuck them into bed. One method for settling a youngster into bed is the bedtime story. After the children are in their pajamas, tuck them comfortably into their blankets. You can either read to them or tell them a story, making it up as you go. Listening to your voice will help the youngster relax and get comfortable. There are also other options including bed time songs, rhymes and prayers that will help the youngster feel safe and at rest as they get settled down for the night.

22. Use lavender or other aromas in your youngster's room. The scent may help to calm your youngster.

23. Use relaxation tapes as background noise for your youngster when falling asleep. There are many varieties available including nature sounds and calming music. Kids with ADHD often find "white noise" to be calming. You can create white noise by putting a radio on static or running an electric fan.

24. Your youngster might find it comforting to have something of yours to keep through the night, like a glove or a small scarf. Those personal things can help your youngster feel connected with you, even though you're not right there.

25. Give your youngster choices. Some families find their kids are more willing to go through a bedtime routine if they have some control over what particular things they do. Of course there are some things, like bathing and teeth brushing, that need to be part of every healthy family’s “routine.” 

Here is a list of some other rituals you may want to consider:
  • give hugs
  • listen to quiet music
  • read books or tell stories
  • say goodnight to things in the room
  • say prayers
  • sing quiet songs
  • spend time cuddling
  • talk about what happened today
  • talk about what's ahead for tomorrow

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Anonymous said... The strategies mentioned by to for good sleep of our Aspergers child are really fantastic. But to Eliminate caffeine from our youngster’s diet is the most important one I think. Cola drinks and chocolate must be avoided.
Anonymous said...My 10 year old still has problems. I have tried everything and he still won't go to sleep without one of us in bed with him until he falls asleep. This is the only time we get to ourselves, and it is not happening. I feel frustrated as I he follows me all the time and the only break I get is when he is asleep!
Anonymous said...My 8 year-old son with aspergers still has issues at bedtime. He insists me or his dad lay down with him until he goes to sleep because he's "lonely". He has a radio and favorite stuffed toys but they are no substitute. We have tried to ween him from this but no luck. Lots of crying and anxiety at bedtime. He ends up going to sleep after 10pm and he's hard to wake up for school. Any suggestions on how to remedy this?
Anonymous said...My daughter is like this too.....and, refuses to do quiet time
Anonymous said...My now 11yr old son with aspergers has had problems sleeping in cycles since an infant. Until recently we had quite a long time where if we managed to get him to sleep, he would stay asleep all night. Six months ago we moved and I suddenly had a very content child during the day and an extremely desperate and paranoid child at night. He has begun waking and coming in to us or sneaking into his sisters and sleeping on their floor. It has caused several problems and some nights becomes quite distressing for both my husband and I and all five children. Things have improved from the 40+times he was waking but is still an issue. At one point he was so sleep deprived that our gp recommended that we use a sedative at night for a week or so to regulate his body clock. We reluctantly gave it a go out of sheer desperation but unfortunately it was a very temporary solution. Bribes haven't worked and neither has reassurance, consequences, and all of the strategies above except the melatonin as this is the first I have heard of it. Has anyone had success with any other ideas?
Anonymous said...No issues going to bed but waking up between 3-5 every day... any tips on this? Thanks. X

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