Home-Schooling Your Aspergers Child

Question

From a mother who home-schools:

"My son has Aspergers and is highly intelligent but very easily distracted and not motivated for doing schoolwork most of the time, esp math which he used to love. Sometimes it takes hours to do 1 page of 1st grade math, because he is not interested and I have to literally sit there and remind him every second what he was doing! It makes me crazy! He hates writing, but he can do it motor skill wise.

Is there a way to make this less painful, do you know any techniques I can use or a curriculum that would be better suited for him? I don't think computer ones are appropriate right now as he is just learning to write and reads at a beginner’s level (as he should be in 1st grade,). I have thought about Mozart to help.

He takes probiotics daily and that helps a lot and avoid red food dye, otherwise he is HYPER. We avoid MSG too which very negatively affects all my children's brain functions at school time.

Also, he is very whiny and cries all the time, and I read an article about that being very common, but it's still driving me crazy even when I use those techniques- at least I think I used them- maybe I didn't understand? They weren't giving a lot of examples. Help!"

Answer

Consider trying Math Drill apps for an iPhone. Some cost money and some are free. The ones that cost money are usually less than $3.00. Examples include:

• Cute Math
• Flash Cards
• Math Cards
• Math Drill Lite and Math Drill
• Math Magic
• Mental Maths
• Mighty Math Lite
• Number Rumble
• Pop Math Lite

As a home-schooler, there are other considerations that should be factored in as well:

1. A daily routine is critical. 

2. Bear in mind that positive reinforcement works well for Aspergers (high functioning autistic) students. 

3. Do not allow the Aspergers student to keep asking questions or discussing an obsessive topic endlessly. 

4. Ensure the environment is safe and as predictable as possible. 

5. Ensure the student understands what is being said to him/her. It is common for a child to simply repeat what is being taught without understanding the concept. 

6. Incorporate visual rewards for the Aspergers student. Working toward a goal is a great motivator, and any area in need of attention can be addressed, including time-on-task, sharing, following directions, behavior charts, and academic objective and goals. 

7. Keep special activities or changes to the schedule at a minimal. 

8. Keep transitions the same for as many activities as possible. 

9. Know that Aspergers students are highly sensitive to their environments and rituals. When these are thrown off, they can become very anxious and they worry obsessively about changes in routine.

10. Limit obsessive behavior about topics by setting a specific time in which the Aspergers student can ask the focused questions. 

11. Realize that many Aspergers students do not understand some of the common social interactions and social contacts. 

12. Recognize that the Aspergers student may not understand some jokes and may be unable to interpret body language.

13. Remember that Aspergers students are overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes. 

14. Simplified lessons may be required. 

15. Since concentration is often a problem, develop a system of nonverbally reminding the Aspergers student to pay attention (e.g., a pat on the shoulder). 

16. Spend time preparing Aspergers children for any special activities (e.g., create a schedule using pictures that includes a "special activity" segment). 

17. Teach the Aspergers student about social cues and help them to make friends. 

18. Use a variety of behavioral  strategies, including: assigned duties, clear expectations, consistent consequences for behaviors, cooperative learning, modeling behavior, organization, routine, and visual schedules. 

19. When Aspergers students accomplish a desired behavior, compliment and praise them – even simple social interactions should be praised. 

20. Teach social skills - be patient.

21. Chunk information presented. The child won't retain a lot of information at once.

22. You may have to limit their 'special interest' time as they can become quite self absorbed with it.

23. Instructional strategies should focus on teaching concretely.

24. Complex tasks should be broken down.

25. Find an area of interest for the Aspergers student (e.g., trains), and then incorporate this area of interest into the subject matter of little interest (e.g., math). In this example, you can have the Aspergers child learn subtraction (using pictures): “If you had 12 trains at the station and 6 of them departed, how many trains would still be at the station?”

The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers Adults and Love

Some individuals with Aspergers (high functioning autism) will choose to stay single …others will marry … some will have kids …some will have happy marriages and families …and some will not. An important factor in determining their chances of happiness is “awareness” – awareness that there are two different languages of two different worlds being spoken in the home.

Anger, resentment, depression, grief, rejection, confusion ...all are experienced by both partners – unless they (a) come to the realization that each is speaking a different language AND (b) learn how to translate for each other.

Empathy and emotional intimacy are often lacking in a relationship with an Aspergers partner. This doesn't mean that love is lacking, though. People with Aspergers “love” just like anyone else, but they do not understand the need for expressing love, and they don't know when and how “expressions of love” should occur (unless their non-Aspergers partner is willing to teach them).

Teaching the “in-and-outs” of intimacy can be very helpful to an Aspie, and the “instruction” needs to be concise and concrete (no hinting or hoping he will just "pick up on it"). Aspies don't pick up on innuendos any more than color-blind people can see when a stop light turns to red.

Both partners may be in for far more than they had bargained for and certainly have had no real assistance from experts until just recently, as research has come to light.

A diagnosis of Aspergers may seem like “bad news” initially. But for the Aspie who has spent his life bumping up against misunderstandings, anger and rejection for reasons he couldn't begin to understand, such a diagnosis can bring a sense of liberation.

And for their non-Aspergers partner, there is finally a sense of comfort and a knowing that she is sane after all. There was something different at play all through their relationship, and it had nothing to do with lack of love, selfishness, insensitivity, etc. Rather it had to do with a neurological disorder; a very real disconnect right in the middle of the relationship.

Now, thanks to the research and media attention, partners affected by Aspergers have a chance to bring new methods of communication and understanding to the relationship.

==>  Living with an Aspergers Partner: Relationship Skills for Couples Affected by Aspergers


Comments:

•    Anonymous said...  I am an Aspie. I will be getting married to my Tenant and Roommate.
•    Anonymous said...  I am married to a man with aspergers. We have been married for 45 years. He was only diagnosed 3 years ago. When we met most couples did not live together before marriage. If we had I do not think I would have married hemi also have 2 adult children with it. One has out going/assertive a/s [like her dad] with severe mental health problems. The other one has passive a/s. [like her paternal uncle and cousin.]SO YES A/S PEOPLE DO MARRY. Once you have a diagnosis things get a little easier. P.S. Most of my families have good careers they all have some connection to their obsessive hobby.
•    Anonymous said... I just have to tell you that this post really made me smile. It sounds like you are married to my husband! I can't tell you what a difference it has made to me to discover there are other women out there who are in the same situation... We may not be able to talk about it with our husbands or be able to talk to friends who wouldn't understand, but I'M glad you didn't "just shut up" thanks!
•    Anonymous said... I too have noticed that there doesn't seem to be much on the web yet on this subject. I can only guess that it's because the research is all relatively new, really just a few decades. And most of it so far has been about AS children. Hopefully in time the research into other aspects of life with AS will increase and be easier to find. Meantime, I'm glad to do my bit.
•    Anonymous said... My a/s husband just carries on in his own sweet aspergers way. He will not discuss it or read up on it. He is so stubborn. I think if he read up on it, he thinks he will lose face by admitting he has it. And of course they do not like change, and to make a move to change his behavior will mean change. Why should he change? He has the life he wants, it may make me happier, but that may mean I am more affectionate to him. And he can’t stand that. I think we have to change, not them.
•    Anonymous said... My husband has AS and he's high functioning. We've been married since June 2007, and our son will be 7 months this weekend. My hubby is a wonderful father and husband. He's quite mature.
•    Anonymous said... To the last comment- This sounds exactly like my life- My partner and i have only been together for aprox 3 years- we are both young and we have a 4month old son together. I was completely unaware of the fact that he had aspergers- i just thought when he would act out of normal character that he was selfish or just being a typical male, I know he loves me, and he loves his son. His father also has Aspergers and his sister has a Autism Spectrum disorder (so it runs in the family) When discovering the reality of Aspergers i tried to reach out to his mother- being married to a man with aspergers for 25 years>she did not want a bar of it. She told me they never talk about it and theres nothing to talk about. Which was devastating to me. Im hoping to seek counselling with my partner as we have fought hundreds of times and broken up nearly every two weeks-I went into a bout of depression during my pregnancy due to all our miss-haps and figure theres no way else i could cope without help from people who know about aspergers. My family and friends have no idea and simply cannot understand what it is like. I should know and trust that he does love me-but because he doesnt see WHY he should show me affection- i feel as if he doesnt. Along with this the chance is probably 50/50 that my son will develop some sort of mental illness as my family have a histor of depression & anxiety disorders from which i too suffer from (i have only been diagnosed recently). Any way its a little weight off my shoulders reading about other people and their experiences and how similar they are to mine!
•    Anonymous said... Yes aspergers men can seem very young for their age, but my a/s husband was also great fun. To him life is fun. Also hate to spoil your therapy but he was very handsome also. So funny and handsome. How could I resist. The aspergers people in our family [many] are all good looking/clever/hard working and love the other sex [or own] so now you know a/s do have relationships, some are good looking and if they are immature, that adds to the fun.
•    Anonymous said...I've been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 7 years now its only in the last few years that I have been told that he has had aspergers from a young age and obviously as I no and only a few that it doesn't just disappear when you get older however I'm finding it hard to cope with the pressure of this whilst also having two children one whom is 3 and my daughter has just turned 1 I have been doing some research and have found your page extremely useful however. I've also noticed that many aspergers sufferers have good talents and my partner doesn't seem to have any motivation at all. As I've just started looking this up I have realized and don't want to come across as nasty but he's not the person that I thought he was I love him very much and do want to spend the rest of my life with him but can't help that with some of the things he does and says will affect our children. I think I always new that there was something not quite right but never imagined how hard it would be as being a young mother anyway its extremely hard to live a normal day to day life as nobody seems to understand that when we do have a row he doesn't mean what he does that's just the only way that he can express himself as he doesn't seem to be able to sit and talk about frustrations he will physical break things to show what he feels and then within minutes he will say sorry as he nos its wrong and it shouldn't be done. I have tried to talk about this with his mother but it seems like she has tried to hide this for a very long time and doesn't want to talk about it. It just feels like a dirty little secret when I do bring it up. She says he only suffers from a small amount of the symptoms but as we go on it seems to be a lot more than what she has told me. I just don't no where else to turn as if I do tell people like family health visitors nobody seems to have a clue what I'm on about! I don't actually think my partner has ever been told what he has properly and the affects how do I go about doing all this without him thinking I'm interfering.
•    Anonymous said… I been with my boyfriend for a year and I get that it's harder than the average relationship,but to put up with each others crap is what shows the true meaning of love lol. I realized that being with him has helped me a lot and I help him a lot.Accepting what he has and loving him for who he is and willing to go ways for him is what I'm willing to do because I have love him.
•    Anonymous said… Sadly there doesn't seem to be much support in Australia, as I was diagnosed last year at 35, after my wife left me, and have had extreme difficulty finding new friends, as I have had to do it on my own with virtually no support. This needs to change very soon
•    Anonymous said… We are mature. Lol. Immaturity is Not one of the traits. We may take longer getting to be fully emotionally mature but that depends on how much is done for us and how much we do for ourselves.

Post your comment below…

Married To An Aspie: 25 Tips For Spouses

If you are about to embark on a marriage to someone who has Aspergers (high functioning autism), there are a few things that you may need to know (some good, and some not-so-good, perhaps):

1. Although Aspies (i.e., people with Aspergers) do feel affection towards others, relationships are not a priority for them in the same way that it is for neurotypicals or NTs (i.e., individuals without Aspergers).

2. A relationship with an Aspergers partner may take on more of the characteristics of a business partnership or arrangement.

3. Although he genuinely loves his spouse, the Aspie does not know how to show this in a practical way sometimes.

4. An Aspie is often attracted to someone who shares his interests or passions, and this can form a good basis for their relationship.

5. An Aspie needs time alone. Often the best thing the NT partner can do is give her Aspie the freedom of a few hours alone while she visits friends or goes shopping.

6. An Aspie often has a particular interest or hobby. While this may border on obsessive, the NT partner would do well to show interest in it. It may even become something they can do together.

7. An NT partner needs to understand her Aspie’s background in order to work with him on their marriage. She will need patience and perseverance as well as understanding that he functions on a different emotional level to her.

8. Aspies do marry, and while NT partners can be frustrated by their lack of emotion and physical contact, their Aspergers spouses do bring strengths into the relationship. If there is open communication, the NT partner can help her Aspie to improve in areas of weakness and encourage him in the things he is naturally good at.

9. Aspies often has a specific area of weakness in marriage. They often do not feel the need to express love, and the NT partner can help them understand that this is important. Discussions about how to display affection, holding hands in public and buying small gifts can be beneficial, but don’t be surprised if the results are amusing.

10. Aspies typically mature later than NTs. As young adults, they are often emotionally immature and have poor social skills. As time passes, however, they can develop to a point where they are able to enter into a relationship with the opposite sex.

11. Because Aspies tend to talk and act differently to NTs, they commonly attract a specific type of partner. Their spouses are often caring and nurturing and have strong protective instincts. In many ways, they become a link between their Aspie and society.

12. Because the Aspie does not have the same relational needs as the NT partner, he may be unable to recognize instinctively or to meet the emotional needs of his partner. Marriages can thus form some dysfunctional relationship patterns.

13. For NTs who had normal expectations of the mutuality of marriage, there may be a sense of betrayal and a feeling of being used and trapped while in a relationship with an Aspie.

14. In marriage, the Aspie often displays great devotion to his partner and is reliable, honest and faithful.

15. In the privacy of their relationship, the NT partner may become physically and emotionally drained, working overtime to keep life on track for both of them.

16. It’s important to look at the Aspies’s motives rather than his actual behavior.

17. Lowering expectations will make the marriage more predictable and manageable, if not easier.

18. NT partners may begin to feel that they are entirely defined by the role they fill for their Aspie partner. There can be a sense that there is little mutuality, equality and justice.

19. NT partners may feel that they are daily sacrificing their own sense of self to help fulfill the priorities of the Aspie partner.

20. NT partners may resent the reality of living on terms dictated by the needs and priorities of the Aspie partner.

21. Positive traits such as faithfulness and reliability are bonuses, and the NT partner can encourage her Aspie by praising him for these.

22. Sometimes a relationship with an Aspergers partner ends up being more one of practicality and convenience for the Aspie than for the loving and meeting of emotional needs of the NT partner.

23. The Aspie can sometimes be emotionally and physically detached and become focused on a special interest to the exclusion of his partner.

24. The NT partner may unwittingly fill the role of “personal assistant” rather than being an “intimate-romantic partner.”

25. Your Aspie partner may seem to be more focused on a particular interest, project or task than on the people around them.

=>  Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA