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How To Survive Christmas With An Aspergers Child: 20 Tips For Parents

Anticipation for the Aspergers (high functioning autistic) youngster is often a negative emotion that leads to overload resulting in a meltdown. Rather than having a time of “peace” and “joy,” the Aspergers youngster runs the risk of behaving like a demon-possessed maniac, creating havoc amongst his siblings, upsetting Aunt Jane, and giving you an “attitude” when you try to diplomatically reprimand him.

So, how do you manage to foster some Christmas spirit amongst your family while keeping your Aspergers youngster calm and behaving appropriately?

Here are some tips:

1. Be prepared for your Aspie to hand back that present he considers “crap”.

2. Be prepared to watch that DVD you got them over and over again.

3. Consider his dietary needs. Often at this time of year, diets go out the window. But letting your kids fill up on junk is just another disruption in the routine they value so highly. Know their limitations. A few cookies won't hurt anyone, but your youngster won't be in a better temper having skipped the cereal he likes to have EVERY morning in favor of Grandma's famous oven-baked egg casserole, which he hates.

4. Cut back your gift list. Have you ever had to prod your Aspergers youngster to move on to the next gift? Aspergers kids move at their own pace, and it's often a slow one. Some may be overwhelmed by too many things to open. Get them what THEY (not you) will like best, and let them be content with it. Learn to be okay with your kid carrying his Nintendo DS into a corner to try out his new game while others open their gifts.

5. Don’t be shocked if your Aspie asks everyone who gives him a gift how much it cost.

6. Don’t invite anyone over to your house that you’ve gossiped about in the past. All kids have a mind like a sponge, but your Aspie has a mind like a steal trap! Your youngster telling that uncle or mother-in-law, “Mom thinks you’re a drunk” is not conducive to a joyful occasion.

7. Don’t make big plans for Christmas at a hotel, Holiday Park, or at Aunt Mary’s. This may be safe for some families, but your Aspergers youngster will be most comfortable at home where he can escape the mayhem of Christmas day to retreat to his sanctuary of solitude – his bedroom!

8. Don’t place any gifts under the tree until Christmas Eve (out of sight, out of mind). No visual reminders that Christmas is approaching minimizes the waiting time for your Aspergers youngster. And we all know that being patient and the having the ability to wait are not usually strengths in Aspergers kids!

9. Expect an element of ignorance from family members and friends who do not understand Aspergers behavior. If you’re having people over, try to choose those who know, understand, and like your Aspergers youngster.

10. Let him wear himself out. If your Aspie has a poor sleep pattern at night, you will be grateful when he does sleep!

11. Lower your expectations. The brilliant gains your Aspergers youngster has gained this year may well be lost in the holiday chaos. But remember it is HIS holiday as well as yours, and it may not resemble your own cherished childhood memories. That's okay. A few deep breaths will go a long way. Nourish your own flexibility, and don't expect too much flexibility from your youngster.

12. Make sure all kids have the SAME number of gifts. If they have a present that was more expensive, be sure to make up the numbers with little things. There’s nothing worse than a Christmas morning meltdown.

13. Make sure you have plenty of new batteries on hand. When you tell a youngster with Aspergers you forgot to buy the batteries, you can expect a meltdown.

14. Make sure your day is well planned out. Just like any other day, your youngster will want order and routine to their day. He will want to know what time dinner is and who’s visiting and when.

15. Prepare ahead of time. Schedules will be off. Mealtimes will be different. Special events get in the way of the treasured routines that help make Aspergers kids feel safe and secure. Where possible, preserve the routine. When that's not possible, sit down with your youngster ahead of time and explain what will be different. Use a picture schedule or a written list if this works for him. Post a calendar. And give plenty of advance notice if plans change.

16. Remove the word “Christmas” from your vocabulary. Simply put up the tree and decorations, cook the pudding and mince pies, send cards to friends and family, and just go shopping. Also, have a meeting with the rest of the family and ask their assistance in this area too.

17. Scale back the parties. For Aspies, social get-togethers can be minefields. Remembering social graces, how to look and act "normal," striving to fit in-all these are stressful to an Aspergers youngster. And if you're wincing, waiting for Uncle Waldo to frown at something your youngster says, your kid will feel this too. As much as possible, confine gatherings to arenas where the youngster feels comfortable and accepted.

18. Stay out of the stores. The Aspergers youngster craves routine and predictability. The Christmas crowd at Walmart offers neither. Many Aspergers kids are sensitive to the sensory overload of loud music, arguing customers, even Christmas light displays. Leave them at home if you possibly can.

19. Visit Santa with caution! If you haven’t done so yet, be prepared if your Aspie is a non-believer. Anything could happen! He may call the man with the white beard a FAKE, laugh at his fat belly, or ask him if he has a real job.

20. When your Aspergers youngster is present, cut back on conversation about the BIG day. I know that our inner-child tends to get excited about Christmas too, but we often unthinkingly contribute to the overwhelming anticipation by relating our plans and expectations for the Christmas season to our kids as we go about our preparations.

Hope this helps!

Merry Christmas to all…

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Aspergers: Quick Reference for Clinicians

Aspergers is a form of pervasive developmental disorder characterized by persistent impairment in social interactions, repetitive behavior patterns, and restricted interests. Unlike autistic disorder, no significant aberrations or delays occur in language development or cognitive development. Aspergers is generally evident in kids older than 3 years and occurs more often in boys.

Kids with this disorder often exhibit a limited capacity for spontaneous social interactions, a failure to develop friendships, and a limited number of intense and highly focused interests. Although some individuals with Aspergers may have certain communication problems, including poor nonverbal communication and pedantic speech, many have good cognitive and verbal skills. Although individuals with Aspergers have fewer memories, the experiences of remembering are qualitatively similar in people with Aspergers compared with healthy control subjects. Physical symptoms may include early childhood motor delays, clumsiness, fine motor difficulty, gait anomalies, and odd movements.

People with Aspergers have normal or even superior intelligence and may make great intellectual contributions while demonstrating social insensitivity or even apparent indifference toward loved ones. Published case reports of people with Aspergers suggest an association with the capacity to accomplish cutting-edge research in computer science, mathematics, and physics. Although the deficits manifested by those with Aspergers are often debilitating, many people experience positive outcomes, especially those who excel in areas not dependent on social interaction.

People with Aspergers have exhibited outstanding skills in mathematics, music, and computer sciences. Many are highly creative, and many prominent individuals demonstrate traits suggesting Aspergers.

Although normal language and cognitive development differentiate Aspergers from other developmental disorders, the severe social impairment associated with this condition overlaps with disorders such as high-functioning autism (HFA).

Key features of the deficit manifested in individuals with Aspergers pertain to their inability to understand the thoughts of other people and themselves. A typical youngster can recognize the thoughts of other children and himself and hypothesize how other people are likely to respond to life occurrences. The lack of this comprehension in an individual with Aspergers is termed a deficiency in the formation of a theory of the mind.

Frequency—

• Likely, many individuals with Aspergers are undiagnosed in North America. Many individuals with Aspergers are probably members of the general population without awareness of their diagnosis. Family and friends probably accommodate the signs of Aspergers as idiosyncrasies of the individual.

• Because of the divergent diagnostic criteria used in the United States and Canada, estimates of Aspergers frequency widely vary. Various studies indicate rates ranging from 1 case in 250-10,000 kids. Additional epidemiologic studies are needed, using widely accepted criteria and a screening instrument that targets these criteria.

Mortality/Morbidity—

People with Aspergers appear to have normal life spans; however, they seem to endure an increased prevalence of comorbid psychiatric maladies (e.g., depression, mood disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, Tourette disorder).

Race—

Aspergers has no racial tendency.

Sex—

The estimated male-to-female ratio is approximately 4:1.

Age—

Aspergers is commonly diagnosed in the early school years and less frequently during early childhood or even adulthood.

Clinical—

Developmental history:

• Include a thorough evaluation of social behaviors, language, interests, routines, physical coordination, and sensory sensitivity, starting from birth.

• Interview mothers/fathers about prenatal history and maternal health factors that may have affected the pregnancy.

Social problems:

• An affected youngster may not display affection to mothers/fathers or other family members. A lack of bonding and warmth with mothers/fathers and other guardians may seem apparent, typically resulting from the youngster's lack of social skills.

• Kids with Aspergers may have difficulties with peer relations and may be rejected by other kids. Depression and loneliness may occur in adolescents with Aspergers.

• People with Aspergers may have particular difficulty in dating and marriage. Boys and men with Aspergers may decide to marry suddenly without the dating and courtship that typically precede a union. They may also be unaware that friendship often precedes courtship and engagement. People with Aspergers may want to marry despite the lack of awareness of the many social interactions that usually lead up to matrimony.

• Outside the realm of immediate family members, the affected youngster may exhibit inappropriate attempts to initiate social interaction and to make friends. Within the immediate family, the youngster is often loving and affectionate.

• Individuals with Aspergers are vulnerable to depression, even suicide, after a perceived rejection in a social situation such as dating and marriage. Clinicians must be aware of the risk of depression and institute prompt interventions when major depression occurs.

• Individuals with Aspergers may benefit from counseling and social skills training. Attwood (1998) provides exercises for mothers/fathers to use to foster social skills in their kids. These activities can be modified for the needs of adults with Aspergers. Psychotherapy is often helpful for people to recognize their deficits in social skills.

• Separations from mothers/fathers because of work and divorce may be particularly stressful for these kids. Changing homes, communities, and neighborhoods may also exacerbate symptoms.

• Socially inappropriate behavior and failure to understand social cues may be reported.

• The youngster may not understand why individuals become upset when he or she breaks social rules.

Communication abnormalities:
  • Body language or nonverbal communication may be awkward and inappropriate.
  • Facial expressions may be absent or inappropriate.
  • Pragmatic errors are commonly produced by kids with Aspergers in response to questions. Kids with Aspergers often produce irrelevant responses.
  • Use of gestures is frequently limited.

Speech and hearing:

• Affected kids demonstrate several abnormalities in speech and language, including pedantic speech and oddities in pitch, intonation, prosody, and rhythm.

• Kids often exhibit auditory discrimination and distortion, particularly when the youngster encounters 2 or more individuals speaking simultaneously.

• People with Aspergers may vocalize their thoughts without censoring. Personal remarks inappropriate to most social environments may be uttered routinely.

• People with Aspergers often exhibit practical speech problems, including an inability to use language in social contexts, a lack of sensitivity about interrupting others, and irrelevant commentary.

• Miscomprehension of language nuance (e.g., literal interpretations of figures of speech) is common.

• Some people with Aspergers may display selective mutism, speaking not at all to most individuals and excessively to specific individuals. Some may choose to talk only to individuals they like. Thus, speech may reflect idiosyncratic interests and preferences of the individual.

• Speech may be unusually formal or used in idiosyncratic ways that others do not understand.

• The amount of speech may also widely vary and reflect the individual's current emotional state more than the communication requirements of the social setting. Some people may be verbose and others taciturn. Furthermore, the same individual may demonstrate excesses and paucity of speech intermittently.

• The form of language chosen may include metaphors that are meaningful only to the speaker. The message meant by the speaker may not be understood by those who hear it, or the message may be meaningful only to a few individuals who understand the private language of the speaker.

Activities:

Kids exhibit peculiar and narrow interests, excluding other activities. These interests may be so important that the kids do not develop typical relationships with their family, school, and community.

Sensory sensitivity:
  • Kids may be particularly sensitive to the texture of foods.
  • Kids may exhibit synesthesia, including a sensory response to an environmental stimulus in a different sensory modality.
  • Kids may show sensitivity to sound, touch, taste, sight, smell, pain, and temperature. For example, a youngster may demonstrate either extreme or diminished sensitivity to pain.

Physical findings:
  • Affected kids may exhibit anomalies of locomotion, balance, manual dexterity, handwriting, rapid movements, rhythm, and imitation of movements.
  • Clumsiness is common.
  • Children exhibit impaired ball-playing skills.
  • Lax joints are often observed (e.g., an immature or unusual grasp for handwriting and other fine hand movements).

Prognosis—
  • Children with Aspergers may be taught specific social guidelines, but the underlying social impairment is believed to be lifelong.
  • People with Aspergers tend to have a better prognosis when they have supportive families who are knowledgeable about Aspergers.
  • Comorbid psychiatric disorders, when present, significantly affect the client's prognosis.

Social Behaviors in School Settings—

• Auditory integration training helps some kids with social interactions.

• Because changes in schools, classrooms, and teachers may exacerbate symptoms, attempt to minimize alterations to the client's schedule and educational environment.

• Kids can learn to watch other kids for social cues and for behaviors to imitate.

• Kids may benefit from a full-time, trained, 1-on-1 teacher aide to shadow them in the classroom and to coach appropriate behavior.

• Kids, adolescents, and adults with Aspergers typically benefit from a weekly, therapist-guided, social skills group with peers.

• Teachers can explain appropriate means of seeking help when the youngster demonstrates problematic social behaviors in the classroom. Videotapes may facilitate self-monitoring of adherence to classroom rules.

• Teachers can model socially appropriate behavior and encourage cooperative games in the classroom.

• Teachers have many opportunities to help kids develop appropriate social behaviors.

• Teachers may help kids in challenging social situations by supervising breaks between classes and lunchroom and playground activities.

• Teachers may identify suitable friends for kids and encourage prospective friendships.

Interaction with Other Kids—
  • Kids may benefit from an organized club, chaperoned by adult leaders who provide advance preparation and a discussion forum.
  • Mothers/fathers can help kids learn appropriate play by modeling and rehearsing such skills as flexibility, cooperation, and sharing.
  • Mothers/fathers should encourage an affected youngster to invite a friend to their home.

Communication and Language Strategies—

• Because interpretation of metaphors and figures of speech is often difficult, caregivers should explain these language subtleties when they arise.

• Caregivers, through modeling, can teach affected kids how to interpret the conversational cues of others to reply, to interrupt, or to change topics.

• Kids can be taught to memorize phrases for specific purposes (e.g., to open conversations).

• Kids can be taught to refrain from vocalizing every thought.

• Kids can learn to seek clarification by asking individuals to rephrase confusing expressions. Encourage kids to ask that confusing instructions be repeated, simplified, clarified, and written down.

• Encourage kids, when appropriate, to admit that they do not know an answer.

• Role-playing may help a youngster learn to understand the perspectives and thoughts of other individuals. Encourage the youngster to stop and think how another person will feel before the youngster acts and speaks.

• Some kids with Aspergers may have good visual thinking abilities; they may be encouraged to visualize using diagrams and visual analogues.

• When communicating a series of instructions to a youngster with this disorder, pause between each separate statement.

Career Counseling and Orientation—

• People may need special help to prepare for job interviews and to maintain an appropriate demeanor in a work environment.

• Career choices using technology, especially the Internet, are often particularly suitable for individuals with Aspergers. Computer science, engineering, and natural sciences are common career choices for people with this disorder. Other special interests may be developed into careers.

• Career choice is crucial for persons with Aspergers because social impairment limits their success in many occupations.  

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Strategies for Transforming ASD Meltdowns into Moments of Connection

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