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Parenting Difficult Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum


If you are a mother or father of a teenager with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), you undoubtedly have bigger challenges to overcome than you ever thought possible. There may be days where you feel all alone in your trials and tribulations. Maybe you've been so busy taking care of your teen's needs that you have not had the opportunity to seek support from those who have traveled a similar road.

As a parent of a teen on the autism spectrum, you are most likely aware that he somehow always finds a way to get under your skin.  There are so many changes going on with your teen – emotionally, psychologically, and biologically – that it’s almost impossible to understand him at times. Furthermore, his meltdowns, unpredictable temper, and natural instinct of reclusiveness may make communication nearly impossible.  If this is a challenge that you are facing, the tips listed below will help you positively parent your “special needs” adolescent. Good luck on your journey!

Tips for Parenting Difficult Teens with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism:

1. Accept that your AS or HFA adolescent will spend more time alone and away from family members compared to a “typical” teen.

2. Allow your adolescent to express her frustration. It’s hard enough just getting through adolescence – but for AS and HFA teens, the job is even more difficult.

3. Ask for advice from other parents of teens on the autism spectrum.

4. Assign tasks that your teen is capable of doing on his own. In this way, he will feel like he is a contributing member of the family, which is a great morale booster.

5. Be consistent with discipline. If you are not consistent with consequences, your AS or HFA adolescent will become confused about what is - and is not - acceptable. Also, when you're angry, it can be easy to make rash judgments and get carried away with loud demands or threats. Instead, wait until you are calm to set a consequence (e.g., count to 10 before responding to rude or annoying teen-behavior).

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens

6. Don't go overboard with consequences or try to ground for weeks. If you do, your discipline will lose its effectiveness and your adolescent will look for ways to get around it.

7. Focus on the behavior, not your child’s personality. For example, say things like "It's not acceptable to lie about where you've been" instead of "You're a liar." Also, disregard the attitude and focus on the actions.

8. Be exceedingly patient. Parenting an AS or HFA teen takes extra patience with a strong dose of inner strength.  Problematic situations require a deep breath and that extra ounce of strength you really didn’t think you had. Sometimes you can find your patience and strength in a quick memory, a supporting hand, friendly advice, or even just sharing the difficult moments. 

9. Be realistic about “completion time” of chores and homework. Many AS and HFA teens need to do things “step-wise.” In other words, they have to finish what they’re currently doing before they can comfortably move on to the next task. Also, praise efforts – not just results.

10. Be your teen’s parent – not her “buddy.” Your responsibility is to ensure the well-being and safety of your “special needs” teenager. Intervening in a dangerous situation (e.g., involving drugs, abuse or truancy) might make your teenager dislike you, but it will also save her life. Don't just “go along just to get along.”

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11. Pick your battles carefully. Your adolescent will feel more resistant to what you have to say if you lecture him about every perceived transgression. Decide what's really important, and focus your efforts on those behaviors. Just address one issue at a time!

12. Encourage friendships. Loneliness is one of the main causes for challenging behavior among AS and HFA teenagers. Try to encourage opportunities for socializing and making friends.

13. Establish clear rules and guidelines for your adolescent to help her understand what behavior is acceptable. Don't just wait until she does something you don't like and then discipline her. Make sure the rules are clear from the start. Also, involve your adolescent in establishing the house rules so that if she breaks the rules, you can remind her that she played a role in setting them. Furthermore, be very specific and keep the rules simple (e.g., "In this house, we speak kindly to one another" or "Everyone must pitch in by completing their assigned house chores").

14. Look at your teen’s history. Negative events that happened during the pre-school and elementary school years help to shape a teen’s personality. By the time these kids become adolescents, many have been living with the resulting pain for most of their lives (e.g., due to peer-rejection, teasing, bullying, etc.). AS and HFA teens may feel pain and anger, but they lack the ability to act on those emotions. However, they are able to act on those emotions with more lasting and harmful consequences.

15. Expect gradual improvement, not immediate results. Your AS or HFA teen is emotionally immature compared to her same-age peers.

16. Foster independence. It’s so easy to do everything for your “special needs” teen (e.g., making all the decisions for her).  Give her the chance to do more herself and to make decisions on her own.

17. Get a dog. According to research, owning a dog can transform an AS or HFA teen’s life. Bringing a pet into your home is great for all teenagers, but can become a real friend for those with developmental disabilities. Having a pet reduces stress, can help your teen learn responsibility, improve social skills, and reduce feelings of isolation. Research has shown that dogs can calm and comfort “special needs” teenagers and help them develop the confidence to try new tasks.

18. Get a punching bag and some boxing gloves. My grandson’s behavior became very problematic when he started middle school. I found that a punching bag helped him to unwind. He used to scream at it while punching it! It was also great exercise to get rid of some of the stress and anger that accrued through his school day. Using the punching bag was his “home from school” routine each day through the week.

19. Record your moments of success and failure in a journal. Keeping a journal and recording incidents can help you to look back and see if there are any patterns or contributing factors to problematic behavior. The journal may be a good thing to look through with your teen, talking about both the positives and negatives. Also, be sure to log and monitor medications (don’t forget, medications can have side-effects that contribute to problematic behavior).

20. Try to look at your adolescent’s situation from a different perspective. In this shift of perspective, answers are often revealed and insight into what is triggering your adolescents' behavior comes into focus. Sometimes moms and dads can get un-stuck simply by looking at a situation with new eyes, which is usually followed by acting or thinking about things differently. When the parent responds in different ways, there is no choice for the adolescent but to act differently too.

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens

21. Provide lots of structure. Write down routines as sequences of tasks (2-5 items only), and post where easily visible. AS and HFA teenagers respond well to structure and routines because it helps to nurture self-discipline and provides a sense of security.  These “special needs” teens are typically afraid of the “unknown” – and as a mother or father, it is your job to guide your teenager through his many “unknowns.”  Growth and change are unavoidable, and these teens need the security of routines to counteract their constantly changing worlds. Structure and routines help them grow to understand and learn to positively control change and their surroundings. The security of small routines actually enables them to handle change and growth with less fear and more independence.

22. When confronting misbehavior, relax your facial muscles and keep your voice down. When faced with an angry teen who is aggressive and shouting, keep your face neutral and lower the volume and pitch of your own voice. Nine times out of ten, your teen will quieten down to hear what you are saying. Also, stay calm – but be assertive. Take some deep breaths if you feel yourself beginning to get aggravated. Calm, assertive instructions and body language are important assets when dealing with challenging behavior.  Any more emotion into an already emotional situation only clouds judgments, causes greater confusion, and launches your teen closer to meltdown.

23. Try to be prepared. If you know you are going to do something with your teenager or ask him to do something that may trigger a tantrum or meltdown, anticipate and prepare for his response. Preparation often relieves some of the stress that rings your “patience buzzer.” Also, always visualize your response before acting on it.

24. Understand when professional help is needed. Most AS and HFA adolescents benefit from some type of professional help in identifying the underlying reasons for their problems and assistance in dealing with them. Getting help for your “special needs” adolescent when she first starts having difficulties is usually far more successful than waiting until problems get worse. For some moms and dads, this can be a difficult step to take. Many parents fear that “reaching out for help” is a sign of weakness – but nothing could be further from the truth. The advantages of seeking professional help for your adolescent include: (a) experienced help in figuring out the reasons your adolescent is acting out, (b) expertise in identifying what clinical interventions are most likely to be effective, and (c) support in helping your adolescent, yourself and your family get through challenging times.

25. AS and HFA adolescents may not know how to express themselves well, causing them to act out – and parents may take the behavior to heart, causing them to lose patience and to speak in anger. Thus, talk with your adolescent about how to express himself in a more appropriate way, helping him to better handle his anger and frustration. Role-play specific situations. Play your adolescent first so you can model appropriate responses, and then let your adolescent give it a try.


Why Your Teen with Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism Prefers To Be Alone 




Additional ideas for parenting your “special needs” adolescent include the following:
  • Compliment your AS or HFA adolescent and celebrate his efforts and accomplishments.
  • Encourage your adolescent to develop solutions to problems or conflicts. Help her learn to make good decisions. Create opportunities for her to use her own judgment, and be available for advice and support.
  • Encourage your adolescent to get enough sleep and exercise, and to eat healthy, balanced meals.
  • Encourage your adolescent to volunteer and become involved in civic activities in her community.
  • If your adolescent engages in interactive internet media (e.g., games, chat rooms, and instant messaging), encourage him to make good decisions about what he posts and the amount of time he spends on these activities.
  • Respect your adolescent’s need for privacy.
  • Respect your adolescent’s opinion. Listen to her without playing down her concerns.
  • Show affection for your adolescent. Spend time together doing things you enjoy.
  • Show interest in your adolescent’s school and extracurricular interests and activities and encourage him to become involved in various activities (e.g., sports, music, theater, and art).
  • Talk with your adolescent about her concerns, and pay attention to any changes in her behavior. Ask her if she has had suicidal thoughts, particularly if she seems sad or depressed. Asking about suicidal thoughts will not cause her to have these thoughts, but it will let her know that you care about how she feels. Seek professional help if necessary.
  • Talk with your adolescent and help him plan ahead for difficult or uncomfortable situations. Discuss what he can do if he is in a group and someone is using drugs or under pressure to have sex, or is offered a ride by someone who has been drinking.

Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism are “developmental disabilities,” which are some of the most overwhelming for parents to deal with, changing visions of the future and providing immediate difficulties in caring for and educating their teen. AS and HFA teens with behavioral issues don't respond well to traditional discipline. Instead, they require specialized techniques that are tailored to their specific abilities and challenges. If those techniques are not developed and used, these young people often throw their families into chaos – and are seriously at risk for school-related problems. Thus, parents will do well to take most of the ideas listed above to heart. Use them wisely and frequently.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
By

The Challenges Faced by Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

As the incidence of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) continues to rise, it has become increasingly important to understand the challenges faced by teenagers on the spectrum. 
 
Navigating adolescence is a daunting task for all teens, but those with ASD face unique hurdles that can affect their emotional, social, and academic development. This article will delve into the multifaceted challenges that ASD teenagers encounter today.

 1. Social Interaction Difficulties

One of the most profound challenges faced by teenagers with ASD is social interaction. Social cues, body language, and the nuances of peer communication can be perplexing for these individuals. Many teenagers with ASD may struggle to initiate conversations, read social signals, or maintain friendships. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Adolescents are often keenly aware of their differences compared to their peers, which can exacerbate feelings of exclusion.

Moreover, social expectations during the teenage years become more complex, often involving nuances in relationships, dating, and group dynamics. For a teenager with ASD, understanding and navigating these evolving social landscapes can be particularly overwhelming, leading to social anxiety or withdrawal.

 2. Bullying and Peer Victimization

Teenagers with ASD are particularly vulnerable to bullying. Their differences in communication and behavior can sometimes make them targets for bullies, leading to increased rates of victimization. This bullying can take various forms, including verbal abuse, social exclusion, and physical intimidation.

Victims of bullying often face significant mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. The impact of bullying can deter teenagers with ASD from engaging in social settings or school activities, further isolating them and negatively affecting their self-esteem and mental well-being.

 3. Academic Challenges

Academic performance can also be a significant challenge for teenagers with ASD. Many students with ASD have average to above-average intelligence, yet they may struggle with executive functioning skills, organization, and time management. The school environment can be chaotic and overwhelming, leading to difficulties in focusing and processing information.

Additionally, standard educational practices do not always account for the specific needs of students with ASD. Some may require tailored teaching methods or accommodations that are not readily provided. The lack of understanding and support from educators can hinder academic success and lead to frustration and disengagement from school.

 4. Co-Occurring Mental Health Issues

The prevalence of mental health issues is notably higher among teenagers with ASD compared to their neurotypical peers. Common co-occurring conditions include anxiety disorders, depression, and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The pressures of adolescence, coupled with the intrinsic challenges of ASD, can lead to increased vulnerability to mental health issues.

Support systems, including counseling and therapy, are essential for helping these individuals cope with their feelings and experiences. However, access to mental health services can be limited, particularly in areas lacking specialized professionals familiar with ASD.

 5. Transitioning to Adulthood

As teenagers with ASD approach adulthood, they face significant challenges related to transitioning into independent living, vocational training, and post-secondary education. The transition process can be chaotic and daunting, requiring guidance and planning. Many teenagers with ASD may not receive adequate vocational training that matches their skills and interests, making the shift to the workforce difficult.

Furthermore, the lack of community programs for individuals with ASD can leave many teenagers without the necessary support to navigate adulthood successfully. This transition period can often be fraught with anxiety, uncertainty, and a fear of the unknown.

 6. Family Dynamics and Support

The challenges faced by teenagers with ASD also extend to their families. Parents and siblings may struggle to provide the emotional and practical support required by the teenager. Families often experience stress and anxiety regarding their child's future, leading to a complicated family dynamic.

Siblings may feel isolated, as they often bear the burden of understanding and accommodating their brother or sister's needs. Effective family communication and support networks are crucial for helping both teenagers with ASD and their families navigate these challenges.

 7. Lack of Awareness and Understanding

Despite increasing awareness of ASD, misconceptions and stereotypes persist. Teens with ASD may find themselves battling stereotypes that paint them as socially inept or overly reliant on routines. Such stereotypes can hinder their ability to form relationships and be accepted by their peers, as understanding of their unique abilities and perspectives may be lacking.

Educational institutions, workplaces, and communities must work toward greater inclusivity and understanding to create environments where teenagers with ASD can thrive. Increasing awareness can help foster acceptance and encourage neurotypical peers to engage positively with their ASD counterparts.

In summary, the challenges faced by teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder are numerous and complex, impacting various aspects of their lives. By understanding these challenges, society can take meaningful steps to support teenagers with ASD, ensuring they navigate adolescence with greater confidence, acceptance, and opportunities for success. Community resources, supportive educational environments, and a greater awareness of ASD can make a significant difference in the lives of these teens, allowing them to embrace their individuality and potential.

 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

By

Imposing Effective Consequences for Noncompliant Teens on the Autism Spectrum

“I’m a single mom raising a son on the spectrum (high functioning autistic). He is 16 and a half years old. I get eye rolls from him on a daily basis, impatient ‘Duhs’ when I say something that is apparently just so obvious, and the insistence on having it his way, whether it’s a minor event (“I want 10 more minutes on this game”), or more major (“I’m not going to dad’s this weekend”). I think he was picking up some of this cocky attitude from a few other students in school who are known to be trouble makers. Some of it I chalk up to his strong-willed personality, and, of course, a lot of it has to be his disorder. So, because I passionately want him to grow up to be strong, but not obnoxious …confident, but not rude …and determined, but not defiant, I need some advice on how to use positive discipline with this child.”

Issuing consequences to an “out of line” adolescent with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger’s (AS) is likely to bring out the best and the worst in parents. They want to help their son or daughter make up for what's missing by increasing their love and attention, but these “special needs” adolescents can trigger unique frustrations in moms and dads.



Most adolescents go through foreseeable stages of development in the teen years. Parents know about when to expect what behavior - and how long it will last. When parents know that they don't have to weather this “challenging behavior” phase indefinitely, it helps them cope. But, with many ASD adolescents, the “challenging behavior” stage seems to go on forever, as does the aggravation for the parent.

Raising an autistic teen is a tough job. The joys and sorrows – as well as the ups and downs – are amplified. You cheer at each accomplishment, and you agonize about each new challenge.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Here are some important disciplinary strategies for adolescents on the autism spectrum:

1. Visual aids may help your adolescent see the reason behind your disciplinary techniques.  Make an “If/Then Chart” or a “Consequence Chart” that shows exactly what will happen if your adolescent engages in a particular behavioral problem – and why that specific discipline “fits the crime.” Always remember this major tenet: Adolescents on the spectrum thrive on structure and clear rules! Thus, posting a list of unacceptable behaviors and their consequences is very helpful.

2. Another visual aid that is needed is a “rewards chart.”  Equal importance should be placed on appropriate behavior (e.g., acknowledgement and praise, tangible rewards, etc.) to balance out the negative side of things.

3. View “disobedience” as a sign that your teen “needs” something. Every “misbehavior” an ASD adolescent engages in tells parents something about what he or she needs. For example, if your son becomes indignant when asked to do his homework while he is in the middle of playing video games, he is saying in essence, “I’m not prepared to make that transition right now.” Thus, what’s needed here is more structure, which could entail an “activities chart” that illustrates the exact time homework is to be started (and possibly an alarm that sounds 15 minutes prior to “homework time” as a reminder). In this way, there are no disappointing surprises.

4. Of course, there are occasions when consequences for poor choices become necessary (e.g., grounding, taking away privileges, etc.). But, with autistic teens, the consequences should always be (a) immediate, (b) specific, (c) relevant, and (d) short-term:
  • Immediate – A “special needs” teen is likely to have a short memory. So, a consequence issued later in the day for misbehavior that occurred earlier that morning will lose its effectiveness.
  • Specific – ASD teens are very fact-oriented and do not do well in ambiguous situations. Thus, parents must briefly explain in very concrete terms why the teen is receiving a particular consequence.
  • Relevant –  Adolescents on the autism spectrum may not be able to perceive cause-and-effect, thus the consequence must make sense to them. For example, withdrawing a privilege (such as loss of computer time) for being rude is not relevant to the infraction. Playing on the computer has nothing to do with rudeness. In this case, a more germane consequence would be to have the teen apologize to the offended party. (Note: I’m not saying that you should NEVER issue a consequence that doesn’t have a direct tie-in to the misbehavior in question, simply use the loose tie-in as a last resort. In the example above, if the teen refuses to apologize for being rude, then give him the option of (a) apologizing or (b) losing his favorite activity for a period of time. In this way, he has the choice to accept the lesser consequence - an apology, or the stiffer one - loss or privileges.)
  • Short-term – Prolonged consequences will lose their impact due to the fact that most teens on the spectrum have attentional difficulties. In other words, if they are grounded for 3 days, they may forget why they are being punished after the second day.

5. Positive consequences have been shown to be very effective in changing the inappropriate behavior patterns of autistic adolescents (e.g., praise, encouragement, positive reinforcement, etc.). For example, complimenting your adolescent for a responsible, cooperative, or compassionate act will tend to promote that behavior. Thus, catch your teenager doing things right MORE OFTEN than you catch him or her doing things wrong. Diligently search for these opportunities.



 

6. Keep a diary of your teen’s behavior with the goal of discovering patterns or triggers for misconduct. Recurring behavior may be indicative of the teen taking some gratification in receiving a desired response from the parent or teacher. For instance, the teen may discover that arguing with one of his classmates will result in his being removed from class, which is exactly what he wants.

In this case, the punishment for the misbehavior, or attempting to explain the situation from the perspective of the classmate, may not provide a solution. Instead, it would be best to look at the motivation for the misbehavior. A good question to ask is, “How can this teenager be made more comfortable in class so that he will not want to leave it?”

7. Pick your battles carefully. You can’t possibly address every behavior problem that comes down the pike. Also, some behavior problems may need some form of therapy in order to be eliminated, rather than some form of discipline. So, learn to prioritize. Make a list of 3 or 4 behaviors that you feel are the most deserving of attention, and only work on those.

8. Some parents of a teen on the spectrum can become overprotective. They may make frequent excuses for his behavior, or they may not impose consequences for poor choices where most others agree it to be warranted. When this happens – regardless of the disorder – the balance of authority shifts. The teenager gains more and more control while being protected in a sheltered environment with little or no discipline.

The parent who does very little in the way of discipline, or who micromanages every aspect of the teen’s life is teaching some very artificial life lessons that will significantly hinder the teen in the real world. Knowing when, how, and how much to discipline the ASD teen is very challenging. You may be filled with worry for your teen and his future. But, you still need to find balance in your role as a parent and disciplinarian. There is a fine line between being an effective mother or father, and being perceived as pampering of the “special needs” teen.

9. Don't lower your standards of discipline simply because you have a “special needs” teen. Parents may be tempted to get lax and let their adolescent get by with behaviors they wouldn't tolerate from their other children. Just as with any other teen, adolescents on the autism spectrum need to know - early on - what behavior parents expect. Some moms and dads wait too long to start their “tough love” strategies for out-of-control teen behavior. Then, as their teen transitions to adulthood, parents wonder why their adult child is still playing video games in the basement rather than attending college or working somewhere.

10. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for imposing appropriate consequences – even when the child has a “disorder.” Behavior management is not about punishing or demoralizing your teenager. Rather, it's a way to lovingly set boundaries and communicate expectations. Imposing consequences is one of the most important ways you show your  teen that you love and care about him.

11. Help your adolescent build a sense of responsibility. Parents of “special needs” teens may be tempted to rush in and do things for them. But for these adolescents, the principle of "show them how to fish rather than give them a fish" applies all the more.

12. Adolescents on the spectrum tend to prefer being isolated. Thus, being sent to their room for a time-out can actually be a reward for misbehavior unless modified slightly (e.g., being sent to the room with no computer privileges).

Knowing the best way to impose consequences for misbehavior is not an easy task, particularly in light of some of the characteristics commonly associated with the ASD level 1 (e.g., the tendency to blame others rather than assume responsibility for behavior, the inability to perceive cause-and-effect, difficulty generalizing from one situation to another, having a short memory for misdeeds - but not for the consequences, and so on). Nevertheless, with patience, humor, and a sense of perspective, you can become your adolescent's supporter and advocate, even in your role of authority.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… After going to an all day training on the (neurotypical) teenage brain, I came to believe that typical teenage behavior/brain development is very, very similar to autistic behavior, so all the best techniques that you already use will be helpful. One tidbit I loved is learning that typical teens can't read facial expressions accurately and misread everything as anger, leading to defensiveness, so I tell our boys, "Your brain seems to be misinterpreting something you see on our (parent) faces that isn't there. We are surprised, not angry. Please try (that attitude in response) again." (Also, don't lift your eyebrows. Communicate as if you have Botox face. Every facial twitch can make them feel afraid of/react to misperceived perceived anger.) Teaching our own boys about the parts of their brain and how it changes (esp prefrontal cortex) has been helpful in our home. Logic helps them understand the emotion and to know that what they are experiencing is completely normal (brain and hormonal), so it takes some of the reaction away and allows everyone to respond. The more I learn about development at each stage, the better I can figure out the most effective tools to adapt for my kiddos. I can't find the specific seminar link right now but this link has some great tidbits.
•    Anonymous said… Ahhhh summer vacation is just barely a week old yet .. my kid has already spent 1 full day of boooooring with no electronics .. at my office doing tedious but simple tasks.
I don't have the patience to deal with the sass & non-listening for the entire summer. I already feel like a broken record. Thank goodness I have a boss that is ok with me bringing in my kid once in a while. I tell her that if she cannot behave for the other adults (like grandparents & sitters), then I have to watch her and the only way I can do that is if she comes to work. So no fun activities, or even "boring tv" or "boring sitting in the backyard reading" .. then she can tag along to work instead.
•    Anonymous said… Btw .. mine is 11.5 .. she has a "phone" - it doesn't have a phone but it had apps & internet & YouTube .. plus she has a d/s & a wiiu and we live super close o a library and within walking distance of a splash pad and a dollar store (so there's often cheap snacks/trinkets) ..  So a day at my office once in a while usually helps with the attitude for a while .. especially with the potential threat of all p.a. days sitting by the shredder  :p
•    Anonymous said… I have a nineteen year old who has Aspergers, he is wonderful, but his life is very difficult......in so many ways
•    Anonymous said… I have twin daughters on the spectrum (HFA) - they are 11 now but when they were younger they did this and then they would answer each other in quotes- as if it were normal. They still go line for line when they find dialogue that amuses them
•    Anonymous said… I think support forum is needed. I feel awfully stressed when my son is this way too
•    Anonymous said… I use my friends sons who are similar ages to my Aspie son as a guide to filter out normal behaviour versus classic Aspie behaviour. To be honest I have found that in the main my son is just going through typical teenager angsts, Similar to what you have described above. Most of my parenting comes from trial and error with him, although his behaviour is mostly typical teenager stuff, the style of discipline he responds to is very different from the other children who are not on the spectrum. I always set clear instructions and give fore-warnings, for example I will go up 30 mins before he is due to turn of the computer and remind him that his time is up soon etc. I never leave it 5 mins before as I know it will cause a meltdown as the transition that quickly is too much for him. Sometimes we have to modify our parenting. Speak to your DR to see if you have any parenting classes for ASD or support groups in your area to get advice etc.
•    Anonymous said… I would honestly tell him how what he says makes you feel/ why you are asking him to do/ not do something. I spell it out for every kid I teach. It tends to help them understand better what I am asking of them and why. Less confusion, less resentment, and much less attitude when the realize I'm not just being a buzz kill because I can. I also dangle a reward for good behaviour. So usually it's at the end of the day they get free time/ a game/ to do something they want if it's possible. Then they tend to stay in line because that reward is strongly desired and they know how to get it.  It has worked for me for students with a range of challenges. I do treat them all like they have choices and the ability to think for themselves. Lots of kids that have given me feedback say that I don't treat them like kids because they feel respected and equal in the conversation. I put things in terms they understand but I talk to them like I would another adult I was having problems with. Often they have logic and reasoning skills good enough to understand at least that part of my explanation.
•    Anonymous said… In all senses I feel for you as I do with what's comin for me! I have 2 NT children who are 21 and 1! And one gorgeous lil aspie who's 6 x
•    Anonymous said… Mine is 6 and like this! God help me  🙏🏼
•    Anonymous said… My 9 yr old is about the sameeeee way
•    Anonymous said… Social behavior is often mimicked without really being understood. It could be a way of communicating even if unappropriate. Perhaps he does not understand how hurtful sarcasm can be.
•    Anonymous said… That's my 18 year old son, except he is verbally abusive. His Dad was no help throughout all of this. He never thought anything was different with him. So he let him run wild at his house.....We had 60/40 time and when my son turned 18. His dad kicked him out because he wanted to stay more with me. Now he is 18 he thinks I can't tell him what to do. It got so bad I had him baker acted. That is involuntary mental hospitalization. He was there for 2 day and now on meds. I'm praying to God. Good luck. I would do strong counseling.
•    Anonymous said… We looked at it as a positive in that at least he was trying to socialize instead of crawling in his own little world
•    Anonymous said… When my aspie daughter has a meltdown, the best way to communicate is through writing down how you feel . I often message my daughter on her phone or tablet, whilst she's upstairs , hiding from the world (she didn't learn to read or write until she was 8 - so I find when she messages me back an amazing feat). It seems easier for her too, to express how she feels without confrontation. The messages always end with 'I love you' x We've sorted many problems out in this way and on some occasions she will come and talk when she's ready x
•    Anonymous said… When our son was in preschool he would often recite lines from television programs in an attempt to communicate with his peers.

Post your comment below…
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Older Teens and Young Adult Children Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent?

Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Parents face issues such as college preparation, vocational training, teaching independent living, and providing lifetime financial support for their child, if necessary. Meanwhile, their immature Aspergers teenager is often indifferent – and even hostile – to these concerns.

As you were raising your child, you imagined how he would be when he grew up. Maybe you envisioned him going to college, learning a skilled traded, getting a good job, or beginning his own family. But now that (once clear) vision may be dashed. You may be grieving the loss of the child you wish you had.

If you have an older teenager with Aspergers who has no clue where he is going in life, or if you have an “adult-child” with Aspergers still living at home (in his early 20s or beyond), here are the steps you will need to take in order to foster the development of self-reliance in this child.

Click here to read the full article…


Best Comment:

My 18yr has totally lost the run of himself. He no longer lives at home and has had social difficulties from day 1. He an extravert, he is hyperactive impulsive and has always found it difficult to understand facial expression and body language.

I have always felt we have had a good relationship, his problems were always with everyone else in authority his dad and later his step dad were totally unable to handle him they either fought with him or didn't deal with misbehaviour. The majority of his teachers the same, I often just wanted to take him away to the country where people couldn't fight with him. I was a regular mediator and couldn't understand why people had to be such authoritarian bullies and why they couldn't deal with him kindly and be clear and consistant with what was expected and accepted.

I believed with kindness and love and very clear and consistant boundries and constant praise for good behaviour and kindness he showed, that he would learn that not everyone knew or wanted to be kind & decent but that for himself he would treat everyone with respect and that he could be proud to know that he has carried himself with respect decency and dignity regardless of how anyone else choose to behave around or towards him.

He has obviously on occasion over the years shown disrespect etc toward me but would quickly pull in his horns when I spoke to him. Since he moved out of the house I am the only one who keeps regular contact with him even though I have spoken to both his dad and stepdad about just checking in with a text to let him know they care even if he doesn't respond. Also incouraging his (birthday tomorrow)16yr old sister but he can verbally be quite nasty to her so she doesn't bother. He is living his own life and shutting us out and I know that's normal but I believe it's up to the adults to keep comunicating with him.

In the past 6mts he has been more and more arragont, willfull and defiant with every one including me showing me disrespect regularly.and recently he went to an all new level going from someone who would not attempt to curse infront of me to ball face verbally attaching me with every possible obscenity he has told me he is done with me etc etc I never found him hard to handle he just constantly took handling of course I regularly worried and questioned things and then I would read more about parenting methods or other behavioural concerns till I was satified I was handling things.

He is dyslexic and for years everytime I brought this to the attention of his teachers they told me he was just unwilling, wouldn't try, he won't settle down etc that he was too intelligent to be that he just needed a firmer hand. Eventually when he was around 10yrs I had saved enough money to have him accessed and even with his diagnosis teachers still bullied and harassed him but in primary school with just one teacher to deal with I was able to form a relationship and in turn usually a method of working well together with huge improvements all round and a much happier child. Each year a new teacher and it would start all over.

When he got to secondary school it was awful he now had 6-8 teachers per day, and was given out to on an hourly basis usually it started with them being dissatified or frustrated by his academic profermance and then behavioural problems.

I had met with everyone of the teachers prior to H_____ starting bringing with me his psychological reports to and asking each on to please include me when they experience any difficulties so that we could keep control and not allow small problems to esculate. I always approached the teachers with respect and from the point of H_____ is having difficulties which in turn is creating problems for his teacher so lets work together to resolve this. (even thought I often did not believe they deserved any respect) I never expressed to H_____ my opinion that the majority of his teachers incompetence but always praise any good traits they had and expressed how they were trying to do what was best and that he had responsibility as well in getting along.

He is very angry with me and is not coping with difficulties if he gets a flat tyre he looses the plot ranting and raving when everything is going smoothly he is very pleasant but the minute he has any problem no matter how trivial he bitches at whoever is nearest. He is often verbally very nasty and recently towards younger teens and his sister. And I feel like I have obviously seriously mess up and I don't know how. I am not stupid enough to think I was doing every thing right nor have I ever taught I was doing an amazing job but I sure did read and watch every parenting programme possible to deal with him and my other kids in the best way possible to give them every chance to become the best person they can be.

Even though he appears perfectly normal I have known there is something not quite right. People would expect certian behaviours of him and judge him yet they would comment on how odd or strange and hyper he is. My 16yr old also struggles socially she direct opposite an intravert, she finds it hard to talk at all but chats away at home, she struggles to look at people and is seen as intellegent but lazy and wilfully withdrawn in school, but I found a much better school now for her she move there last year and they brought up her adverage by 2 grades per subject in general her teachers now are kind and encouraging with the exception of 1or 2 so major improvements she too has dyslexia which suggestion of was laughed at by her teachers for years (money has always been an issue) she too is discribed as odd.

We also have a 2 and a half yr old who so far so good appears normal but I do see similar traits as the older two. Same as with the other two she is also way ahead of her peers at all her developmental tests, they all adveraged 8mths to a year ahead in all areas in early developmental tests. All three would sit quietly in the waiting areas while all the other childern were demanding noisy jumping around etc where mine would ask nicely to get a toy or book etc. but if they were in the company of another adult (dad auntie) they would be very unruley. Obviously even though I could get on well with them it is obvious they do not interact well in society and I feel I have seriouly failed H_____ and am well on the way to failing the other two. I don't know what to do. I feel completely alone my husband is a very kind and caring man but he has no idea how self distructive H_____ has become. When I showed my husband a conversation on Face Book between H_____ his Cousin who he shares a house with and another young woman which had nasty sexual remarks his response was shock first and then he just said he's being a complete twat. And hasn't mentioned it since. I have shown my husband your web site and I have told him I am writing to you but he like me just has no idea what we can do.

H_____'s dad is a good man but he is an alcoholic we seperated when H_____ was 6 Paul and I got together when H_____ was 12. Paul has been ill for the past couple of years and struggling with the medical system to get answers and is presently and being treated for hormonal deficiencies with some improvements.



By

How To Discipline Rebellious Aspergers Teenagers

Disciplining a teenager with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is likely to bring out the best and the worst in a parent. Moms and dads try to help their “special needs” teenager make up for what's missing by increasing their love and attention, but he or she often triggers special frustrations in parents.

Most teens go through predictable stages of development in adolescence. You know about when to expect what behavior and how long it will last. Knowing you don't have to weather this “difficult behavior” indefinitely helps you cope. But with many teens on the autism spectrum, stages seem to go on forever, as do the frustrations in both the teenager and the parent.

==> Here are some important tips for disciplining the special needs teen...



By

What is important to know before my Aspergers teenage son turns 18?

Question

What is important to know before my Aspergers teenage son turns 18?

Answer

Stepping into adulthood can be a confusing and difficult time for the Aspergers (high functioning autistic) teen. However, it does not have to be. Many teens with Aspergers are fairly well adjusted after years of living with the associated symptoms and adapting to better fit into their environment.

Here are a few areas that can cause problems for the teenager with Aspergers:
  • Employment
  • Independent living skills
  • Post secondary education
  • Relationships and social skills
  • Self-care issues

Moms and dads can help their Aspergers teen prepare for life as an adult by making sure he has the right amount of support. Support can come from many sources. Parents, teachers, school advisors or counselors, medical professionals, therapists, friends, and support group members cover most, if not all, of the basic areas of life.

Some geographical areas offer support for the Aspergers teen through government agencies. With a qualifying diagnosis, your teenager may be able to receive health insurance coverage, housing assistance, various therapies, vocational training, and career counseling, just to name a few possibilities. Check with your local government or disability services office to learn more about availability in your area.

It might help if you make a list of the skills you would like to see developing in your Aspergers teen. By making this list, you will be able to see his strengths and weakness and help determine a plan for his immediate future.

Here is a sample list:
  • Social skills and relationships-- Does he have the ability to relate to others and communicate, verbally and non-verbally? Should he continue with social skills classes or perhaps find a home program?
  • Self-care-- Does he have good personal hygiene? Does he understand the importance of regular medical care and keeping track of his medications?
  • Coping skills-- Can he handle the anxiety, emotions, and frustration often brought on by change? Should he begin cognitive therapy to help with his emotions?
  • Career and college choices-- Has he chosen a path based on his special interests and talents? What colleges are grabbing his interests? Do these schools offer disability support services?
  • Basic living skills-- Does he understand the importance of housekeeping, budgeting, and grocery shopping?

Moving into adulthood does not have to be daunting for your teenager with Aspergers. Teens can develop the necessary skills for college, career, and independent living with the right support.

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens
By

Parenting Teens on the Autism Spectrum: Changes in Adolescence

"My high functioning autistic son will become an official teenager next week (13th birthday). Any advice on what parents should do differently with an HFA teen vs. a child?"

First of all, there's no need to worry. Children with ASD or High-Functioning Autism eventually go through adolescence on their way toward becoming strong, focused adults -- regardless of the misinformation you may have been fed.

While adolescence is a difficult time for all teens, it can easily be much worse for those dealing with HFA. With the right education and support, most of these young people go on to graduate from high school.

Because they tend to be loners and have odd mannerisms, HFA teens can be shunned from popular groups of kids -- and can be the focus of teasing. Even so, these teens develop feelings for others they become attracted to, though they can’t always express their feelings correctly.

This can lead to frustration and anger in the HFA teen who develops his/her first tentative relationships. They are more likely to face rejection from their peers and be left with a low self-esteem as a result.

Often, a teen on the autism spectrum fares best with one or two close friends with whom they can practice adolescent social skills and "growing up" behaviors. Even one relatively close relationship can make the difference between a depressed, awkward teen -- and one who is beginning to learn valuable social skills with a select few others.

Parents and family may need to help facilitate relationships between their "special needs" teenager and other teens his own age. Offering to have other teens overnight or taking their teen to an activity with one or two other acquaintances can help facilitate closer connections between their child and others his own age.

Having a teen "love experience" is often much more difficult for teens on the spectrum. Their tendency to want to be alone comes into conflict with their desire to be close to another person. Psychotherapy and family support can go a long way toward helping a teen with HFA get through the difficult adolescent time.




In summary:
  • With the right education and support, most HFA teens go on to graduate from high school. 
  • Teens on the spectrum fare best with one or two close friends with whom they can practice adolescent social skills.
  • Parents may need to help facilitate relationships between their teenager and other teens his own age.
  • Psychotherapy and family support can go a long way toward helping a teen with special needs to get through the difficult adolescent time.

By

Promoting Independence in Adolescence: Help for Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum

"Now that my son with high functioning autism has become a teenager, are there things that I should be doing now to prepare him for adulthood?"

The teen years can be difficult whether or not your child has High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's (AS). In situations where he does, however, there are special challenges that differ depending on the child.

Some parents find themselves dealing with a teenager who is a loner, who has few friends, and focuses on one or more hobbies or preoccupations. This type of child is independent in some ways, but lacks the maturity to truly be independent in life. A teen like this needs to be pushed in the direction of finding friends and developing relationships.


He or she may also need to learn some of the specific things necessary for “life independence,” like how to deal with money, cleaning up after oneself, doing the laundry and other life skills that will be needed once the teen is ready to leave home. Interpersonal skills, including how to talk to service people, shop assistants, and other people he may meet along the way, should be taught and practiced as concretely as possible.

Other parents are dealing with the ongoing presence of rituals and obsessions that might interfere with the teen’s eventual independence. Psychotherapy might work in this kind of situation, but there are also medications designed to control ritual behavior. Getting this under control as a teenager will go a long way in enhancing the teen’s adult experience as she grows older.


Other things that you can teach your son to prepare him for adulthood include the following:
  • Accepting responsibility and consequences for actions (e.g., missing a deadline) and learning how to plan for emergencies
  • Balancing educational and recreational computer use
  • Completing homework, essays, and projects without reminders or involvement from mom or dad, professors, or tutors
  • Developing realistic expectations and plans about academic workload at college or technical school
  • Doing chores (e.g., laundry, cooking, and cleaning)
  • Good sleep habits
  • Handling increased social freedom and pressures (e.g., drugs and alcohol, dating and sex)
  • Healthy nutrition and exercise
  • Knowing schedules for classes
  • Money management (e.g., using ATM’s, credit and debit cards, checkbook, online banking)
  • Navigating public transportation and knowing how to get around new areas
  • Organizational skills needed to balance work and social life
  • Organizing study materials
  • Time-management skills
  • Running errands (e.g., grocery, gasoline)
  • Scheduling, canceling, and keeping doctor’s appointments

Adolescence is a time when depression can develop in teens, especially in those who know they don’t fit in and suffer from resultant poor self-esteem. Be aware of the signs of depression, and be proactive through the use of psychotherapy or medications to control some of these symptoms. This means, as a parent, you need to be aware of excessive isolation, “dark” language, outbursts of anger, or self-mutilation.

Help is available and can assist the teen resolve some of the conflicts unique to adolescence and having HFA or AS.

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

By

Poor Personal Hygiene in Teens on the Autism Spectrum: 32 Tips for Parents

"I could use some tips on how to get my 16 y.o. teenager (high functioning autistic) to have better hygiene. His breath and arm pits stink most of the time. He hates to brush his teeth or take a shower. He doesn't even like to wear clothes (walks around the house in his boxer shorts most of the time)."

Sounds like you are going to have to assume the role of "personal hygiene coach."  Lucky you! Here are some of the main reasons teens on the autism spectrum seem to avoid practicing good personal hygiene:
  • Brushing hair or getting a haircut because they usually have very sensitive scalps.
  • Brushing teeth (e.g., not liking the taste of toothpaste, experiencing burning or stinging from it, having sensitive teeth and gums).
  • Getting dressed and feeling comfortable in clothing. Irritations can occur from loose fitting clothing touching the skin, tags or labels scratching, and clothes that are too stiff or too tight.
  • Poor vestibular system functioning means these young people often feel wobbly on their feet and suffer from gravitational insecurity (e.g., dislike of being upside-down, being suspended in mid-air or having their feet off the ground). Therefore, the simple act of bending forward or backward over a sink or in the shower can create dizziness, anxiety or mild panic.
  • Some teens on the spectrum fear falling over if they shut their eyes, thus you can imagine the potential anxiety experienced by simply washing their face in the shower.
  • Using deodorant. The shock of the cold spray on their warm armpit coupled with the quite high-powered aerosol delivery causes genuine alarm and discomfort. Most deodorants are strongly scented, which also bombards a sensory sensitive teenager.

While the typical youngster can usually master personal  hygiene skills by the time they are age 6, children with autism spectrum disorder often struggle with these tasks due to sensory issues (e.g., smells, sounds and textures) that are related to these skills. Fortunately, as they become more familiar with the tools used for personal hygiene, these tasks will be much easier.
 

Here are some tips to help with personal hygiene issues:

1. Brushing teeth is a task that can be difficult for children with ASD. The aversion problems have to do with a foreign object going in their mouth, the texture of the brush, and the taste of the toothpaste. What you may find helpful in introducing tooth brushing to your youngster is to use an electric toothbrush with a character on it that he enjoys. The vibration from the electric toothbrush and the familiar character will make this task more enjoyable. Once you overcome the aversion issues, all you have to do is demonstrate the process, have him copy you, and then narrate the steps as he tries to do it himself.

2. Have the same sex parent teach your son new hygiene practices. A man is better at teaching a boy to shave, for example, and a woman is better at helping a girl cope with her period.

3. Keep your grooming routine as stable as possible. Do everything in the same order and at the same time every day.

4. Look at a youth magazine with your son for ideas about hairstyles. Keep it simple, but not nerdy. Let him do it himself if at all possible.

5. Another challenge for teens on the spectrum is washing the underarms and using deodorant. Explain how it is done and why. Go slowly at first. You may want to let your son practice washing for a few days before adding the application of deodorant. Give him privacy if he is capable of washing himself. The simplest way to tell if he is doing it properly is the smell test. If body odor is still present, ask him to try again.

6. Repeat hygiene routines every day. Repetition is paramount. If there is not enough time in the morning, divide it between morning and evening.

7. Show your son how and where to shave with an electric razor. Autistic teens that need repetition to feel secure may want to repeat the process daily, even if it is not necessary.

8. Teach and reinforce the facts about sexual maturing to your son in a way he can understand. Start adding extra steps as body changes begin, one at a time, to his hygiene routine. When he is comfortable with one step add another. There are books and classes to help you, but learning and reassurance must continue at home.

9. Teach your son how to care for his hair. This will include learning how to brush, style, and wash it. You will want to start with basic brushing and styling. If he is resistant to hair brushing, it could just be the brush you are using. You can overcome this problem by letting him try a variety of brushes to find one he likes the feel of - or the look of. 
 

10. Washing hair is a big challenge also. The aversion that children with ASD have for hair washing has to do with several factors (e.g., water temperature, the feel of water on their head, soap getting in their eyes, the texture of the shampoo, etc.). A good way to overcome these problems is to adjust various aspects of the hair washing routine until you find the perfect combination that makes the task bearable. You will then walk your son through the hair washing process.

11. Watch for early signs of adolescent changes. Do not wait until they are full blown to begin to teach good hygiene.

12. Using visual reminders/timetables to encourage the completion of daily grooming tasks can be helpful in establishing good routines.

13. Use simple clothing. Look for things like elastic waists, pullover shirts, Velcro fastenings and slip-on shoes.

14. Use a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner to reduce time spent in the shower.

15. Try to keep your son’s hair and clothing fashionable (even if he doesn’t care, his peers do).

16. Teach your son to wash his hands, especially after coming home from school or playing outside and before eating. Hand washing is, without a doubt, one of the best ways to prevent the spread of germs and illnesses.

17. Teach your son to cover sneezes and coughs. Germs can travel far and wide on a sneeze or a cough. Get him into the habit of covering his mouth and nose with a tissue (or his arm if he can’t reach a tissue fast enough) when he sneezes or coughs.

18. Set up regular bath times. Many moms and dads find that evening baths are a nice way to relax their teenager before bed. And bathing the night before can help ease the morning rush. Some teens prefer showers, which can also save a lot of time on a busy school night or morning. Showers can also save water.

19. Remind him to wash his hair if it looks oily, and teach him how to clean his face and under his nails.

20. Remind him not to touch his eyes or mouth or to pick his nose. Germs can easily enter the body through the mucous membranes of the eyes and through the nose and mouth.

21. Provide a soft bristled electric toothbrush and bland tasting toothpaste.

22. Minimize temperature variations when bathing.
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

23. If your son has balance problems, consider a shower chair for use while washing hair.

24. If your son finds a shirt that he is comfortable in, buy a couple in bigger sizes and put them away.

25. Goggles protect eyes from shampoo and water.

26. Get him into the habit of flossing, and if he has bad breath, have him gently scrape the back of his tongue with his toothbrush. Get a fun timer to help him brush longer, like a cool little hourglass filled with blue sand.

27. Experiment with unscented roll-on deodorants or natural crystal antiperspirant.

28. Cut out tags and buy seamless socks and garments if your son is sensitive to seams.

29. Being empathetic and talking with your son about his discomfort in the grooming process will help him develop better personal hygiene habits.

30. Be sure to put down a secure bath mat to prevent any slips on the wet floor when he’s done.

31. Allow your son to try several brands of toothpaste until he finds one he is comfortable with.

32. Lastly, have plenty of patience for your son's sensory sensitivities!

==========

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...


PARENTS' COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Also natural deodorant crystals don't stink the place out. you use them on wet armpits so they're a good reason to have a shower first. They're surprisingly effective and last a long time.

•    Anonymous said... I posted a list on the bathroom mirror (very detailed) and insisted that he follow it every day. ie: shower, wash your hair and your private areas, put on deodorant, comb your hair, brush you teeth for 2 minutes (set a timer), clean underwear every day, etc... I also purchased clinical strength deodorant that is applied before bed and that helped A LOT!! He is now 19 and usually remembers it on his own but before he walks out the door I always say "did you brush you teeth and put on deodorant?" I am fortunate that he is not offended by these reminders. I also told him that taking a shower is a daily activity and he would just have to get used to it so that he could fit into society. Everyone takes a shower every day- no questions asked!!!

•    Anonymous said... I recently took my Aspie nephew to the store and let him choose his own deoderant. He is very proud of it and pretty much puts it on every day without being asked. He also likes for us to smell him and tell him how good he smells. Maybe letting him make a choice and making a bit of a deal out of it helped. Who knows, I just hope it lasts.

•    Anonymous said... I wish choices worked for my son I even bring up going to choose one he likes or try to pass them in the store isle and he flips out. bought the natural no smell ones and he throws them away. We have him shower every other day. One day I did laundry and only found one pair of underwear. So I confronted him about this and he padded the laundry for the next week with 7 pairs of clean underwear. Consistency is key.

•    Anonymous said... Lots of good ideas here for you. I tie some of the hygiene items to rewards. My son loves to play games and if he gets the hygiene done without too much repetition he gets extra play time.

•    Anonymous said... My aspie son, 16, loves Axe because its cool and girls like it. I got him the soap/shampoo mixed one, the deodorant, and the body spray. I stopped buying the body spray when he was using a can a week.

•    Anonymous said... My son is all about rules and lists so I had to make hygiene a 'Rule'. I use a wax pen to write his list of hygiene tasks on the bathroom mirror. He gets fined $1 if they don't happen. He has a strong aversion to anything not natural and chemical and for awhile wouldn't use products. I had him research natural products that worked. So now the entire family uses them thanks to him educating us all lol! It took awhile but now its almost a non-issue.

•    Anonymous said... My son walks round in his boxers. ALL the time! He's 20! (So does my little boy age 1 0 and nt)...my aspie son had problems with his teeth and needed a brace and when the orthodontist saw him she almost refused to put him into braces because of poor dental hygiene..he was so mortified he went completely the other way, brushed his teeth from then on perfectly and now has a dream smile...he works out a lot and can get v sweaty and be unaware of his own body smell (so I make him use a roll on deoderant and then a spray one on top!) X

•    Anonymous said... stick reminder notes up in the bathroom? Brush teeth. Wash under arms. Use deodorant etc...

•    Anonymous said... We had the same problem with our daughter, we got help from our local autism outreach worker who came out and had a personal talk with her and touch wood so far it's worked, the only problem my daughter had was with spray deodorants where she would spray but it wasn't going under the arm so I got her a roll on and she now smells sweet

•    Anonymous said... we had this issue in working with our behaviour therapist we chose the most important task to challenge first and focus on then listed the others below. My son was on a token program where he got tokens of different colors each day to trade in for something he liked then at the end of the month we tallied them all and if he was in the big range he got a bigger treat. Predetermined in the planning phase. It takes a while but it did work. We are still working on brushing teeth it is coming. We go to the dentist every 6 to months for a cleaning to ensure we are OK. Hope this helps.

•    Anonymous said... also glad it's not just mine, I did get him a onsie which he likes enough to wear all the time instead of walking round in boxers (with a fleece blanket tied over one shoulder like some sort of roman toga when it's cold) but I have to kidnap it when he's sleeping to wash it, again, it's that old chestnut of 'no honey, you can't go on playstation til you've had a shower/brushed teeth etc'

•    Anonymous said... OMG..I thought it was just me! He was diagnosed 6mths ago...now 20yrs old...now showers 5 out of 7 days a week. But through his teen years...geez!

•    Anonymous said... Your not alone, I'm in the same boat but that's what's so funny. When you hear someone going through the same thing you gotta laugh and have a sigh of relief your not insane. I do have to check with my son every morning and tell him to shower, lucky for me he does not give me a hard time but if I forgot you can Smell him as he goes by and basically I have him stop what he's doing and take a shower right then and there. How about good old fashioned bribery. My son loves his Star Wars tee shirts and such. Maybe if you cant find stuff like that he would love to wear, especially when they think its funny ,he'll take a shower to wear one. The teeth...that's a tough one. I have three other grown NT children and everyone of them gave me a hard time about that, it's a Teenage thing. They all out grew it.

•    Anonymous said… We have a laminated list in the Bathroom and Kitchen because we felt we were always nagging..".have you cleaned your teeth, have you washed your hair and had a shower today"!! Now we just say have you checked your list today hun and she goes off and does it...seems to be working so far!!

•    Anonymous said… That's my son! Lists work great. If its not on his list it won't get done. I write with a wax pencil his hygiene tasks on his side of the kids bathroom mirror but in questions. 'Did you brush your teeth?' 'Did you use Deodorant?'. Not to single him out I do the same for his sister on her side. It helps. I just wonder when he grows up will he still need a list?

•    Anonymous said… That's my son too! Holy cow. I thought he was just being lazy. He refuses to take more than one bath/shower per week, so I let him get away with that one AS LONG AS, he washes at the sink every day - and yes I have to stand there and watch. Also have to check on him when he's brushing his teeth, otherwise he'll do a quick "brushover" and say he brushed his teeth. ugh. We started with the deodorant almost 1 year ago (he's 12), still have to remind him every day.

•    Anonymous said… I just took my Aspie nephew to the store and allowed him to choose his own deoderant. He is so proud of his choice, pretty much puts it on by himself every day and loves for us to smell him after he does. Maybe making it his choice was the key. I'm not sure.

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