Depressed Aspergers/HFA Teens and Drug/Alcohol Abuse

Parents often assume that their teenager with Asperger's (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) tries alcohol and/or drugs to rebel or to "fit in" with his peer group. However, teens with undiagnosed depression often use drugs and alcohol as a way to relieve their frustrations. A depressed teen on the autism spectrum may self-medicate with alcohol to escape the terrible sense of hopelessness. Unfortunately, alcohol only exacerbates the problem.

Some drugs may even make him feel "normal," when for weeks he has felt miserable. The impact of such drugs on serotonin, dopamine and endorphins (i.e., chemicals in the brain that regulate mood) can be devastating for these teenagers. The damage they do to receptors in the brain can make the road back from depression even harder.

Often parents approach the issue of drug and alcohol use as simply a discipline issue for a teen who is "bad." However, your "special needs" teen may be sick. He may be unable to express to you exactly how he feels. If your adolescent is self-medicating to treat depression, anxiety, or other emotional or behavioral disorders, simply applying more discipline and creating more rules will not impact the underlying problem that led to substance abuse in the first place.

While some teens on the spectrum self-medicate to treat depression, others end up with a serious mental disorder due to abuse of drugs or alcohol. Abusive drinking or drug use can seriously undermine your teen's physical, emotional, and psychological health. Some drugs, such as methamphetamines, can seriously affect the neurotransmitters, which are known as the "messengers of the brain." Recent studies suggest this damage can be long-lasting and even permanent.

Many AS and HFA teens have the mistaken notion that club drugs are benign. In fact, while they might feel "good" while taking them, they can make it difficult for the teenager to feel good naturally for a long time to come. The longer teens use these drugs, the more difficult treatment and the higher rate of relapse due to their inability to "feel good" or even "normal" because of the damage to their neurotransmitters.

Is your teen depressed? Answer these questions to find out:

1. Does your teen have little interest in his future?

2. Does your teen drink alcohol?

3. Does your teen smoke cigarettes?

4. Does your teen use drugs?

5. Has your teen quit activities he used to enjoy?

6. Does your teen seem to cry easily?

7. Does your teen seem like he is filled with guilt and remorse?

8. Has your teen been denying food saying he is not hungry?

9. Has your teen been easily agitated?

10. Has your teen been having a difficult time making decisions?

11. Has your teen seemed to have lost his energy?

12. Has your teen withdrawn from you or other family members?

13. Has your teen had recurrent thoughts of death or suicide?

14. Has your teen been falling asleep in class?

15. Has your teen felt hopeless?

16. Has your teen had problems sleeping at night?

17. Has your teen not been focused on what is going on in front of him, and is he often lost in his own thoughts?

18. Has your teen had a dramatic change in personality such as extreme irritability or sadness?

19. Has your teen had a hard time focusing on homework or reading?

20. Has your teen had an overwhelming feeling of sadness for no known reason?

21. Has your teen often feel fatigued, even when he has gotten enough rest?

22. Has your teen spent too much time in his room alone?

23. Has your teen withdrawn from his friends?

24. Has your teenager been over-eating?

25. Have you heard your teen put himself down, making derogatory comments and being overly critical?

If you answered yes to 5 or more of these, then your teen is likely suffering with depression.

AS and HFA teenagers have a difficult time relating their true feelings to others. The world is quite different today, and these young people face so many obstacles. If your teenager becomes withdrawn and disinterested, it is critical that you intervene in an attempt to see what the trouble may be. Many times a teen will open up to a close friend or family member that they are able to trust. Once a teen gains a comfort level, they will pretty much open up about anything.

Recognizing teen depression can be difficult at times, but it is important to intervene in an attempt to save a life. Teen suicide among teens wth an autism spectrum disorder is nothing new. Sometimes just talking things out will help the teenager immensely. However, sometimes it may take more than just a one on one conversation. In severe cases, the teen may benefit from psychological counseling with a professional.

==> Help for Parents of Teens on the Autism Spectrum

Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum and Learning to Drive

"My daughter is 18 and has ASD [level 1]. Hers is particularly with anti-social behavior and thoughts. My entire family is ridiculing me for not forcing her to get her drivers license, but she is scared and doesn't want to. Should I force her to? Am I wrong?"

RE: "Should I force her to?" No. I'm pretty sure that would backfire. When teens get their driver’s license, parents get worried. And this worry is justified! Here are the alarming national teen driving statistics:

• 16- and 17-year-old driver death rates increase with each additional passenger.
• 16-year-olds are 3 times more likely to die in a motor vehicle crash than the average of all drivers.
• 16-year-olds have higher crash rates than drivers of any other age.
• About 2 out of every 3 teenagers killed in motor vehicle crashes are males.
• About 2,014 occupants of passenger vehicles ages 16-20 who are killed in crashes are not buckled up.
• About 2,500 drivers between the ages of 15 and 20 die in motor vehicle crashes every year.
• About 31% of drivers ages 15-20 who are killed in motor vehicle crashes are drinking some amount of alcohol and 25% are alcohol-impaired (i.e., have a blood alcohol content of 0.08 grams per deciliter or higher).
• About 37% of male drivers ages 15-20 who are involved in fatal crashes are speeding at the time.
• About 63% of teenage passenger deaths occur in vehicles driven by another teenager.
• About 81% of teenage motor vehicle crash deaths are passenger vehicle occupants.
• Among deaths of passengers of all ages, 19% occur when a teenager is driving.
• Crashes involving 15- to 17-year-olds cost more than $34 billion nationwide in medical treatment, property damage and other costs.
• Drivers age 15-20 account for 12% of all drivers involved in fatal crashes and 14% of all drivers involved in police-reported crashes.
• Hand-held cell phone use while driving is highest among 16- to 24-year-olds.
• Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among 15- to 20-year-olds.

Now, throw Aspergers (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) into the mix – and parents really do have something to worry about. For a teenager on the autism spectrum, it often takes quite a bit longer to learn all the implications of driving. What may be a problem for the young driver is the ability to judge what other road users, pedestrians, animals, etc. might do and how this should affect his driving. Understanding that not all drivers and other road users obey all of the rules all of the time is a real challenge for young drivers on the autism spectrum.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Neurotypical (i.e., non-autistic) teens effortlessly talk on their cell phones when driving. They smoke cigarettes, eat a sandwich, sing to the radio, and nonchalantly discuss all sorts of topics with their passenger-friends. While they are doing all this multi-tasking, they also have to watch out for other cars in front of and behind them, shift gears, reverse, use the windshield wipers, brake, and so on.

However, for teens with AS and HFA to perform all the above tasks simultaneously is very difficult due their input system. When performing a task which requires concentration, most teens on the spectrum prefer total silence (or at least very little noise). They may not mind listening to a bit of music, but usually don't like someone talking to them because they have to (a) listen to what the other person is saying, (b) think of an answer, and (c) reply.

So how can parents ensure that their "special needs" teenager will not end up killing himself while on the road? Below are some critical tips to consider.

Driving Tips Specifically Related to AS and HFA—

1. Long before driving comes into the picture, be sure to help your child learn how to ride a bike. Learning to ride a bike as a youngster is a very good foundation for anyone with an autism spectrum disorder. Bike-riding skills will help the child become more aware of the possible actions of other drivers and pedestrians. Also having an instructor who is aware of the anxieties and other issues that AS and HFA teens will have goes a long way toward positive lessons where what is taught and being learned is remembered and recalled.

2. Have your teen take driving lessons with a driver education instructor, but double the amount of physical driving practice to help him really get used to reacting to normal driving situations.

3. Ask the instructor to allow your teen to take frequent breaks during driving instruction sessions.

4. Ask the instructor to use physical cues to help with estimating speed and distance. Also ask that the driving instructions be broken down into small sections.

5. Bring information that can help the driving instructor adapt strategies to help your AS or HFA teen understand better.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

6. Don't let your teen use computer simulation when practicing to drive. The teenager on the autism spectrum may not generalize the information well enough from computer to real life situations, plus it could confuse him.

7. Have a driving instructor assess your teen’s visual/motor skills. You want to know how easily he gets distracted.

8. Have you teen drive along familiar routes as often as possible. New routes and not knowing where they are going can easily distract and upset teens on the spectrum.

9. Have your teen continue to practice his driving skills even after he has already passed his driving test.

10. Help your teen apply for a driving license at the normal legal age, but be sure to put down Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism on the application at the DMV. It's against the law not to declare this on the application, but it won't disqualify your teen for getting a license.

11. Simulate situations in an empty parking lot that require avoidance steering, emergency breaking and distractions like loud music, water on the windshield and pedestrians until the teen driver is comfortable.

12. Teach your teen to remain calm when other drivers break the rules of the road. AS and HFA teens follow the rules of the road and the signs concretely, sometimes to a fault. Help your teen anticipate the actions of other cars by observing their behavior.

With the above information in mind, parents should be able to have some peace-of-mind knowing that their young driver with special needs will make it home safely with nothing more than an occasional fender-bender.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Helping Teens on the Autism Spectrum to Cope with the Loss of Normalcy

“I have a 16 y.o. teen with high functioning autism who seems to be down in the dumps a lot lately. He has stated he knows he is ‘different’ than his friends and classmates, and may be feeling a sense of shame about that (IDK?). How can I help him to not feel so alienated from his peer group?”

Regardless of the individual developmental route, most young people with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s (AS) start realizing that they are not quite like others at some point during their adolescence. Around that age, they have a higher level of interest in others, but don’t have the skills to connect in socially-accepted ways. Also, they’re at the age where they have a higher level of insight into their difficulties with social interaction.

Signs that your HFA or AS teen is feeling depressed about his dilemma include:

• Withdrawing himself from the rest of the family
• Refusing to participate in group activities
• Putting himself down (e.g., saying he is ‘stupid’)
• Not being able to fall asleep
• Waking up in the middle of the night and having difficulty falling back to sleep
• Making remarks such as he hates life, he hates you, nobody loves him, or wishing he was dead
• Losing interest in activities he usually enjoys
• Eating less or more than usual
• Complaining that he is tired all the time and wanting to take naps during the day
• Blaming himself unfairly for anything that goes wrong
• Becoming irritable and angry with the drop of a hat so that parents start walking on egg shells
• Appearing sad for most of the time

Once the HFA or AS teenager realizes that he has significant difficulties effectively engaging in social relationships as compared to his peers, he needs deal with this loss, just like dealing with any other loss. Understanding the thoughts, feelings and behavior of your son is the necessary first step in helping him and being there for him. Considering this coping process in a few stages may make your job easier:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Depression
4. Acceptance
5. Adaptation

Most commonly, the teen will not go through these stages one after another, but rather display a larger or smaller aspect of each at any given time. This is a painful process for not only the teen, but for parents as well. Moms and dads may find themselves compelled to forget the whole thing and act as if nothing is happening (we are all tempted to avoid pain – and denial is an excellent pain-killer).

The good news is, as much as the denial is contagious, seeing his parents dealing with the pain calmly and matter-of-factly will encourage the teen to talk about his anger and frustration. This will in turn help him get closer to acceptance and adaptation.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

How parents can help:

• You don’t have to bring up the fact that your teen feels alienated from the peer group, but when he does, give him a good listening ear and be patient.
• When your teen starts to bemoan his circumstances, don’t try to change the subject (unless he does so).
• Sometimes you have to be very political trying to sell an idea to any teenager. The mere fact that the idea is coming from you, his parent, may make him refuse it. Let the idea come from a family friend, teacher, or a neighbor he trusts. Give him time to think about it. He may come back to the suggestion when he feels he is ready.
• Offer the option of counseling, because sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger; however, try not to push the idea directly, even if you feel that your teenager clearly needs professional help.
• Most teenagers with HFA and AS excel in one or two subjects. They tend to accumulate a lot of information on the subject and love to talk about it over and over. Unfortunately, family members eventually end up losing interest and start getting bored with the same topic over and over again. Rather than avoiding the subject, try finding out new ways to engage your teen in the subject. Structure the topic in a different way. Find a way to challenge him. Be creative and let sky be the limit! Your interest will make him feel better about himself, and realizing his mastery on the subject will boost his self-esteem.
• Help your HFA or AS teen to resolve his sense of loss by turning the issue upside down. In other words, rather than clinging to depression and despair, help him to find his identity in his disorder. Help him get in touch with other young people on the spectrum. Encourage him to educate his peers about the disorder at school. Your “special needs” teenager could also set up a web site, chat room, and even write a book about it. Encouraging your teen to focus on the strengths associated with the disorder, and providing him means to this end and removing the obstacles in front of him may turn out to be the best anti-depressant treatment ever. 
• Don’t try to minimize his difficulties – but also don’t let him exaggerate, providing gentle “reality testing.”

All of this may seem remote and you may not know where to start. Consider the following tips:

• Leave brochures, leaflets and other information about teen groups around to catch the attention of your teenager.
• Invite your friends and acquaintances to your house and encourage them to bring their adolescents (e.g., for a pizza party and movie).
• Get in touch with the organizations like the Autism Society of America or Asperger Syndrome Coalition of the U.S. and contact their local chapters.
• Attend support groups for parents and make acquaintances.
• If your attempts to reconcile this issue of alienation don’t work right away, don’t get discouraged and keep trying, always letting your teen make the first move in showing an interest in processing and resolving his challenges.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Moodiness and Depression in Teens with Asperger's and HFA

“How should I handle my teenage son’s emotional instability? Specifically, how can I tell the difference between 'normal' moodiness that occurs in adolescence and depression? My son seems to have significantly more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’. He’s usually very grouchy and pretty much stays to himself. Is this typical for teens with level 1 autism? Should I be concerned? What can I do to help?”

Moodiness and depression are common among teens in general. And young people with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are at even greater risk for these comorbid conditions. Teens on the autism spectrum have a “developmental disorder,” which means that their emotional age is significantly younger than their chronological age.

For example, the teenager may be 16-years-old, but still have the social skills of a 9-year-old. This dilemma causes problems for the teen due to the fact that he or she experiences great difficulty in relating to same-age peers, which in turn may result in rejection from the peer group – and this contributes largely to the AS or HFA teen’s lack of self-esteem and depression.

In addition, cognitive control systems lag behind emotional development making it hard for AS and HFA teens to cope with their emotions. Furthermore, beyond the biological factors, a lot of other changes are occurring during adolescence (e.g., experiencing first loves and breakups, butting heads with parents, start of high school, etc.). No wonder some teens on the spectrum struggle through this time in their life.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Unfortunately, other complicating factors are at play during the teenage years:

Difficulty with transitions— Largely due to the uneasy transition toward adulthood, most teens on the spectrum experience an increase in anxiety. It is during this time that they are dangling between the dependency of childhood and the responsibilities of adulthood. It can feel intimidating to prepare to leave high school, head off to college, or into the job market. All these factors induce more mood swings and anxiety in AS and HFA teens.

Peer-rejection— Many teens on the spectrum are deliberately excluded from social relationships among their age group. As a result, they often choose to isolate themselves, which makes a bad problem worse. A teenager who feels rejected often spends too much time playing video games and on social networking sites, thus losing touch with peers even more. Teens who are ostracized by their peers also tend to underachieve academically.

Poor social skills— Most young people with AS and HFA experience social skills deficits. As a result, interactions with peers become very unpleasant. The more they “fail” in connecting with peers, the more they isolate. They want to “fit-in” and be accepted, but simply haven’t figured out the social politics needed to find and keep friends.

Low self-esteem— Peer-group rejection results in a decline in their self-image, a state of despair, behavioral difficulties, loneliness and seclusion.

So as a parent, how do you know when to wait out the moods – and when to worry? The truth is that it's difficult to know, because every teenager is different. Rapid physiological changes are occurring during adolescence. Therefore, a degree of vacillation between "ups" and "downs" can be expected. However, there is big difference between teenage mood swings and genuine depression. The major symptoms of depression may include:

• changes in appetite
• episodes of moping and crying
• fatigue
• loss of enthusiasm or interest in favorite activities
• headaches
• insomnia
• irritability
• mood swings that seem out of proportion to the circumstances
• negative self-concept
• outbursts of anger 
• painful thoughts that manifest themselves in relentless introspection
• persistent anxiety
• persistent sadness
• poor school performance
• sense of hopelessness
• withdrawal and isolation

If an AS or HFA teenager is suffering from depression, parents can expect to see the following symptoms unfold in three successive stages:

1. Inability to concentrate, withdrawal from friends, impulsive acts, and declining academic performance
2. Acts of aggression, rapid mood swings, loss of friends, mild rebellion, and sudden changes in personality
3. Overt rebellion, extreme fatigue, giving away prized possessions, expressions of hopelessness, and suicidal threats or gestures

Other common symptoms of depression in adolescents include: eating or sleeping too much, feeling extremely sensitive, feeling misunderstood, feeling negative and worthless, poor attendance at school, self-harm, and using recreational drugs or alcohol.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Symptoms caused by depression can vary from child to child. To discover the type of depression your AS or HFA teenager has, your physician may add one or more “specifiers.” A specifier simply means that your teen has depression with specific features, for example:

• Seasonal pattern: depression related to changes in seasons and reduced exposure to sunlight
• Mixed features: simultaneous depression and mania, which includes elevated self-esteem, talking too much, and increased energy
• Melancholic features: severe depression with lack of response to something that used to bring pleasure and associated with early morning awakening, major changes in appetite, feelings of guilt, agitation or sluggishness, and worsened mood in the morning 
• Catatonia: depression that includes motor activity that involves either uncontrollable and purposeless movement or fixed and inflexible posture
• Atypical features: depression that includes the ability to temporarily be cheered by happy events, increased appetite, sensitivity to rejection, a heavy feeling in the arms or legs, and excessive need for sleep
• Anxious distress: depression with unusual restlessness or worry about possible events or loss of control

Treatment—

1. Psychotherapy: Different types of psychotherapy can be effective for depression in AS and HFA teens (e.g., cognitive behavioral therapy). Psychotherapy can help your teen:

• regain a sense of satisfaction and control in his or her life
• ease depression symptoms (e.g., hopelessness and anger)
• learn to set realistic goals for his or her life
• identify negative beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, positive ones
• identify issues that contribute to his or her depression
• change behaviors that make depression worse
• find better ways to cope and solve problems
• explore relationships and experiences
• develop positive interactions with peers
• develop the ability to tolerate and accept distress using healthier behaviors
• adjust to a crisis or other current difficulty

2. Alternative Therapies: Therapies other than face-to-face office sessions are available and can be highly effective for teens on the autism spectrum (e.g., as a computer program, by online sessions, or using videos or workbooks). These can be guided by a therapist or be totally independent.

3. Social Skills Training: Teens on the autism spectrum experience depression largely due to their awkwardness in interpersonal relationships. Thus, social skills training is perhaps the best method for combating depression in these young people. A major goal of social skills training is teaching AS and HFA teens:

• how to understand verbal and nonverbal behaviors involved in social interactions
• how to make "small talk" in social settings
• the importance of good eye contact during a conversation
• how to "read" the many subtle cues contained in social interactions
• how to tell when someone wants to change the topic of conversation or shift to another activity
• how to interpret social signals so that they can determine how to act appropriately in the company of others in a variety of different situations

Social skills training assumes that when “special needs” teens improve their social skills and change selected behaviors, they will raise their self-esteem and increase the likelihood that others will respond favorably to them. The AS or HFA teen learns to change his or her social behavior patterns by practicing selected behaviors in individual or group therapy sessions.

4. Medication: Many types of antidepressants are available, including:

• Atypical antidepressants (Wellbutrin XL, Wellbutrin SR, Aplenzin, Forfivo XL, Remeron, Trintellix)
• Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (Parnate, Nardil, Marplan, Emsam)
• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Celexa, Prozac, Paxil, Pexeva, Zoloft, Viibryd)
• Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (Cymbalta, Effexor XR, Pristiq, Khedezla, Fetzima)
• Tricyclic antidepressants (Tofranil, Pamelor, Surmontil, Norpramin, Vivactil)

Other medications can be added to an antidepressant to enhance antidepressant effects. Your physician may recommend combining two antidepressants or adding medications (e.g., mood stabilizers or antipsychotics). Anti-anxiety and stimulant medications can also be added for short-term use.

Other things that parents can do to combat moodiness and depression in their AS or HFA teenager include: encouraging physical activity; praising the youngster's skills; promoting participation in organized activities; reminding your youngster that you care by listening, showing interest in his or her problems, and respecting his or her feelings; and setting aside time each day to talk to your youngster (this step is crucial in preventing further isolation, withdrawal, and progressive depression).

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Aspergers Teens and Alcohol Abuse

This post exposes the unexplored problem of teens with Aspergers (high functioning autism) using alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with everyday life.

Alcohol can relieve the anxiety of social situations and make those with Aspergers feel as though they can fit in. However, reliance on alcohol can lead the teenager down a path of self-destruction and exacerbate existing problems. For many teens with Aspergers, a strategy which begins as a simple coping behavior becomes an addiction.

Aspergers teens drink alcohol for a variety of reasons:

• forget reality
• temporarily alleviate worry
• temporarily improve self-esteem
• to change their mood
• to deal with social anxiety
• to feel carefree and brave
• to feel less afraid
• to gain acceptance

Environments which are too stressful are typically avoided by teens with Aspergers (e.g., where sensory input is too high to manage). If avoidance is not possible, coping strategies are put in place to cope with anxiety. The school environment is not always a protected environment in terms of avoiding anxiety, and teens with Aspergers are conscious of this, and this is where alcohol drinking often starts.

Alcohol will affect cognitive processing and can cause damage to the frontal lobe due to its toxicity. When under the influence of drink, it becomes harder to read facial expressions for example, thus the negative effects of alcohol on Aspergers may be more pronounced. Other emotional, non-verbal behavior may also be impaired such as processing social information. These effects are another reason why being fully aware of the effects of excess alcohol is useful from an Aspergers perspective.

The “co-existence of alcohol problems and mental health are very common” in general. Many teens “self medicate” their mental health problems using alcohol, and studies suggest that social phobia is an important factor in the development of alcoholism in general.

Though alcoholism applies to many teens outside the spectrum (e.g., to manage the anxiety associated with social situations), the greater difficulties experienced in this area by those with Aspergers means that the subsequent higher anxiety levels lead many to experience social anxiety disorder. As a result, teens with Asperger have an above average chance of developing alcoholism.

There are many signs that may indicate an increasing reliance on alcohol:

• drinking in secret and continuing to do so even after it has caused significant problems
• ensuring that it is always readily available
• excessive consumption
• genuine difficulty in coping without alcohol for any length of time
• irritability
• short temper
• using alcohol as a casual relaxant and social lubricant

The research linking alcoholism to Aspergers is still growing. There are teens out there who don’t know they have Aspergers, but they also have a hard time acknowledging the fact that they abuse alcohol. A correct diagnosis for a teenager is a critical first step in understanding his condition and maintaining good long term health care.

Often with someone who has Aspergers, the initial problem starts when they are young. This is a condition that, as a child growing up, they are most often singled-out as being very different. As a result of this difference, most young people are treated with taunts, bullying, and other forms of mistreatment. This makes a teenager with Aspergers often feel bad and look for ways to cope with day-to-day life.

When a teenager with Aspergers gets to the point where they are struggling to go through each day, it can be an easy choice to turn to alcohol. Alcohol is easily available, and most teens do see it as an acceptable thing to do. That makes alcohol an easy item to choose if someone with Aspergers were looking at a way to get relief.

What Parents Can Do to Help—

1. Be open-minded to the fact that an adolescent with Aspergers may not have many friends, but he can get along with a few. Somehow being with numerous friends overwhelms an adolescent with Aspergers because he lacks the ability to associate with different personalities.

2. Converse with him when he gets home from school. While he relaxes, serve him snack and ask him about his lessons, teachers and classmates. Test him if he knows the names of his classmates. If he fails to mention their names, explain to him that he should know them because that is how it is in school – classmates should know each other.

3. Know his classmates. Go out of your way and find out who his classmates are. Try to spark his interest by telling amusing anecdotes about his classmates. Do this on regular basis until such time that the youngster’s curiosity is elicited.

4. Monitor the youngster’s performance in school. Find out his inclinations and encourage him to participate in activities that interest him. If he is good in math, make him join Math Club. If he is good at playing chess, enlist him with the Chess Club. He may refuse at first but what is important is you push him, though not necessarily force him. If it does not work, or if he is not ready to get into such associations, leave him alone in the meantime and wait for a better chance.

5. Realize that a teen with Aspergers is not mentally handicapped. On the contrary, they are mostly intellectually endowed, only that they encounter hardships in understanding the concept of social relationships. They do not have many friends and are often looked upon as anti-social as they refuse to mingle with classmates and friends.

6. Talk to his teachers about his condition. Ask them to include him in various classroom activities and to pair him off with buddies in doing class projects.

7. Understand that Aspergers is a disorder that occurs to a youngster who is going through the growth process in the physical, emotional and psychological aspects. Teens are mostly the ones who are inflicted with this disorder as they grapple to learn social skills.

Often, the way someone with Aspergers will find their way out of a problem with alcohol is the same way someone without Aspergers finds their way out of their drinking problem. It is done first by recognizing they have a problem with alcohol and next by seeking help in stopping their abuse. This can be help from friends and family, or it can include help and assistance by a program tailored specifically for that need.

If you think someone you know might have Aspergers or an alcohol problem, or both, there are many local agencies’ that offer help and assistance or can direct you to someone who can help. Don’t let someone you know suffer needlessly.

Aspergers in an adolescent is not as bad as it seems. The youngster can improve and develop his social skills in time. You just have to be patient and gentle with him. However if you think the youngster’s condition requires professional help, seek the counsel of a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist.

When seeking assistance, it is important to try and identify a professional who is aware of the characteristics of Aspergers and the overlap between it and alcohol.

My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

Insomnia in Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder

"Any advice on what to do for a teenager with ASD who has severe insomnia?"

According to the research, insomnia is a significant problem for ASD (high functioning autistic) teens compared to "typical" teens. Whether it is due to anxiety, noise, caffeine, or physical discomfort, these tips may help your teenager get a good night’s sleep:

1. Avoid caffeine, especially after 12:00 PM. Some ASD teens are sensitive to caffeine. It's highly unlikely for these young people to have a caffeine habit (e.g., Mountain Dew) and not be an insomniac.

2. Weighted blankets and soft sheets are a must.

3. Quiet blankets are supportive of a good night’s rest as well. A crackly sheet or comforter can wake the “light sleeping” teenager with the slightest movement.

4. Does your son or daughter scratch a lot at night? He or she is probably allergic to the detergent, or you may be putting too much soap in the wash and not getting a clean rinse.

5. Chamomile tea has been found to be helpful with sleep. The chamomile flower contains relaxants. At bedtime, have your teen drink a cup of pure chamomile (not the blends with peppermint or honey, which have stimulants that will be at cross purposes with the chamomile).

6. Do away with digital alarm clocks. They stare at the your teenager with bright red numbers, telling him how many hours and minutes until he has to get up for school. Digital clocks tend to raise the anxiety level of the teen. However, your teen should have a clock handy so he doesn’t have to get out of bed to check it. Cell phones or laptops nearby can do the trick.

7. Have some “downtime” before bed. Autistic teens need one hour of downtime for every hour of socializing, and this is especially true at night. Unlike most adolescents, teens with ASD can't just turn off the T.V., walk into the bedroom, and fall face first into bed, passed out like a drunken sailor. They need to engage in their rituals and routines and bring their adrenalin levels back to normal.

8. Earplugs will deaden noise, and although some teens say they don't like the feel of them, there are different shapes, materials and sizes. Most teens with ASD tend to prefer the medium size foam ones – although they almost always do fall out at some point – so keep an extra set handy so you don't have to scramble to find them in the middle of the night. Noise-canceling headphones are a good alternative to ear plugs.

9. Light cardio and fresh air are good precursors to good sleep. The teen may be lethargic or mentally exhausted if he has been sitting at the computer playing video games for 3 hours. Going for a short walk and getting some fresh air serves as a “pre-bedtime” relaxation exercise.

10. Lavender has been shown by researchers to usher in and improve the quality of sleep. You can use essential oil in an infuser, dried lavender in a sachet, or fresh lavender in a vase. Aromatherapy, in general, can be very relaxing (avoid stimulating scents like lemon, though).

11. Melatonin is not a sleeping pill – it's a natural sleep aid. However, the teen should not take more than 3 mgs (even though it is sometimes sold in 5mg tablets), because that much may act like a depressant the next day. Your teen can start with 3mgs, and then take an additional 1-2 mgs later if he wakes up too early (e.g., 3:00 AM).

12. White noise (e.g., from a fan) is also a good way to block out unwanted sounds.

13. Relaxation CDs (e.g., rain forest sounds) can be quite soothing for some ASD teens.

14. Some find the television (set at a low volume) to be calming, helping them to drop off into a relaxing sleep. However, others report that watching television before bed works more like a stimulant for them. Thus, decide if bedtime television is right for your teen.

15. Vigorous exercise has been reported to help ASD teens get to sleep more quickly – and to stay asleep longer. However, make sure he does not exercise within 3 hours of bedtime.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

Comments:

Anonymous said...

just dont accidently give your child his am pill(adderal) thinking your giving him his pm pill(remeron) from all the confusing caios. he is still awake in his room taking his legos apart and putting them back together. defiently getting med trays

Anonymous said...

My 15 year old doesn't seem to need as much sleep, is this common for Aspies? When he sleeps, he sleeps soundly and gets himself up using his cell phone alarm.

Anonymous said...

This is a great article, my son has always had trouble sleeping, we are going through this list and trying everything on it, thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hello there! This publish couldn’t be published any greater! Studying by way of this article reminds me of my prior place mate! He often held referring to this. I'll ahead this short article to him. Fairly certain he'll have a very great go through. Thanks for sharing!

AmEpHySt said...

I am going to an professional to get sleeping tablets suitable for my 8 yr old because he gets no sleep at all. Melatonin may work for some but not for all. That's a reality. He's been mistaken as sick when in fact he's tired from lack of sleep and his eating habits turned to crap because of it.

Transitioning to Adulthood: Help for Older Teens with Aspergers and HFA

The greatest challenge you will face as a mother or father of an Aspergers or high functioning autistic (HFA) child is supporting him or her through the transition to adulthood. As protective (or over-protective) as you may be, at some point you will be ready for your teenager to leave home to venture out on his own into the adult world.

Of course your relationship with your adult child will continue long after he or she leaves the nest, and your loving support can help with “grown-up” responsibilities.

Is your 18 or 19-year-old teenager ready for adulthood? Answer yes or no to the following questions:

1. Can your adolescent drive?
2. Can your adolescent make meals and snacks for himself?
3. Do you get frustrated with your adolescent's inability to complete projects?
4. Do you give your adolescent opportunities to make his own decisions?
5. Do you give your adolescent positive feedback?
6. Do you listen to your adolescent's problems, make suggestions and then allow him to choose how to proceed?
7. Do you still pick up after your adolescent when he leaves things around the house?
8. Does your adolescent clean her bedroom?
9. Does your adolescent complain when her friends are busy, therefore “there’s nothing to do”?
10. Does your adolescent do a weekly chore regularly without more than one reminder?
11. Does your adolescent do her laundry?
12. Does your adolescent handle stress well?
13. Does your adolescent handle your direction without back-talk or sulking?
14. Does your adolescent have a checking account that he handles on his own?
15. Does your adolescent have a healthy hygiene routine?
16. Does your adolescent have a job outside of your home?
17. Does your adolescent know how to make money-saving goals and then achieve them?
18. Has your adolescent ever taken a CPR or First Aid class?
19. Has your adolescent used any of the community's resources?
20. If your adolescent is facing a problem with a teacher, do you allow her to fix it?
21. Is your adolescent able to ask other people questions without being too shy?
22. Is your adolescent able to make her own appointments?
23. Is your adolescent able to plan a trip successfully?
24. Is your adolescent able to plan out her week effectively?
25. Is your adolescent comfortable doing things on his own?

If you answered “no” to three of the questions above – it should be a red flag that “life skills” are lacking. If you answered “no” to five or more – then your child may not be ready for adult responsibilities yet.

If your parenting goes as planned, your young adult will - at some point - leave home and live independently. Life skills will help your older adolescent to be independent and live on his own, which is the goal of a successful young adult and her parents. But it isn't easy. Older teenagers with Aspergers and HFA often feel they can take the big step towards independent living without possessing all of the life skills they will need to succeed “out in the real world.”

You can help your teenager be independent by encouraging good habits and helping him learn the life skills it takes to be independent.

Below are 15 life skills your teenager will need to learn in order to be successful at living independently the first time she is on her own:

1. Ability to Find Housing

2. Finding and Keeping a Job— In order to live independently, your adolescent will need to have a job. The job will need to make enough money to cover their living expenses, at minimum. Today's happy young adult has a job that contributes to a high quality of life and not just monetarily.

3. General Housekeeping Skills

4. Goal Setting— Defining what it is you want is called setting a goal. Figuring out and taking the actions you need to get your goal is how you obtain that goal. Both of these are important life skills. Learning how to set and obtain a goal are necessary life skills your adolescent will need to be a happy and successful adult.

5. Health and Hygiene Skills— In order for your adolescent to be happy while they live independently, they will need to be successful at keeping their bodies healthy and clean. These life skills are taught throughout your adolescent's childhood and adolescence by encouraging good hygiene routines and healthy habits.

6. Interpersonal Skills

7. Money Skills

8. Personal Safety Skills

9. Stress Management Skills

10. The Ability to Cope with Loneliness— Coping with loneliness is a very important skill on my list of needed independent living skills for adolescents because every adolescent I've ever known has needed it. Adolescents who know how to recognize loneliness as the temporary feeling it is, use their support system and work through their loneliness do just fine.

11. The Ability to Deal with Emergencies

12. The Ability to Find What You Need in Your Community

13. The Ability to Procure and Cook Food

14. Time Management Skills

15. Transportation Skills— One life skill that adolescents need to learn to become independent but generally leave to their parents or caregivers, is transportation or getting from Point A to Point B.

Does your "special needs" adolescent need to know all of ins and outs of each skill well? No. Your adolescent may even get by not having to know one particular skill at all. For example, a young man who has no idea how to do laundry may have a girlfriend who does. This young man may be able to get his interpersonal skills to help with his household skills by convincing his girlfriend to help with his laundry. But, do your best at teaching your adolescent each skill as if they will need it. This will give them the greatest chance of being successful at living independently the first time they live on their own.

Other points to consider:

When your teen behaves badly, you may become angry or upset with him, but these feelings are different from not loving your teen. Older teens need grown-ups who are there for them. They need people who connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them and show a genuine interest in them. This is how they learn to care for and love others as an adult.

Older teens need support as they struggle with problems that may seem unimportant to their parents and families. They need praise when they've done their best. They need encouragement to develop interests and personal characteristics.

Adolescence is a time for exploring many areas and doing new things. Your youngster’s interests will change, in academics and recreation. He may experiment with different forms of art, learn about different cultures and careers and take part in community or religious activities. Within your means, you can open doors for your youngster. You can introduce him to new people and to new worlds. In doing so, you may renew in yourself long-ignored interests and talents, which also can set a good example for your youngster.

Older teens need parents or other adults who consistently provide structure and supervision that is firm and appropriate for age and development. Limits keep all kids, including adolescents, physically and emotionally safe.

It is tempting to label all young teens as difficult and rebellious. But adolescents vary as much as kids in any other age group. Your youngster needs to be treated with respect, which requires you to recognize and appreciate her differences and to treat her as an individual. Respect also requires you to show compassion by trying to see things from your youngster's point of view and to consider her needs and feelings. By treating your young adolescent with respect, you help her to take pleasure in good behavior.

Older teens need strong role models. Follow the values that you hope your youngster will develop. Your actions speak louder than words. If you set high standards for yourself and treat others with kindness and respect, your youngster probably will too. As teens explore possibilities of who they may become, they look to their parents, peers, celebrities and others.

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Dealing with Aggressive Aspergers Teens: 10 Tips for Parents

Have you experienced an out-of-control yelling match with your Aspergers (high functioning autism) teen? While parenting these teens, moms and dads often find themselves in a power struggle. Teen "Aspies" try all sorts of things to get what they want, and sometimes this involves yelling and cussing-out their parents. The techniques that follow should help parents deal with aggressive Aspergers teens:

1. Avoid Excessive Negative Attention— It's a mistake to pay more attention to what the Aspergers youngster is doing wrong (e.g., his failures, mistakes, misbehaviors, etc.) than to what he is doing right (e.g., his successes, achievements, good behaviors, etc.). When you go to bed at night, review the day you have had with your Aspie. Have you spent as much time during the day looking at his appropriate behaviors as you have looking at his inappropriate actions?

You should avoid using punishment as a primary method of control. Instead, substitute positive consequences, which place the emphasis on good behavior rather than on bad behavior. Eliminate verbal punishment (e.g., hollering, putting down the teenager, name-calling, excessive criticism), and use reward as a disciplinary tactic. Emphasize successes, accomplishments, achievements, and good behaviors. Pay more attention to normal good behavior and be positive. Constant nagging of an Aspergers adolescent will certainly result in a buildup of anger, resentment, and aggressive behaviors.

2. Avoid Excessive Restrictions— Some Aspergers kids who are overprotected, excessively restricted, and generally not allowed to be like other youngsters their age may develop resentment and anger. They want to do things that others do, but are prevented from doing so. Sometimes you have to look at your adolescent's peer group in order to decide what is and is not appropriate – and what is too much restriction.

3. Avoid Random Discipline— Moms and dads often discipline after the fact. This is “random discipline.” They set a rule and wait for the teenager to break it before they decide upon a consequence. To Aspergers adolescents, the concept of fairness is extremely important. If they are disciplined in this fashion, they may frequently feel unjustly treated. In addition, random discipline often makes adolescents feel that others are responsible for what has happened to them and anger is apt to develop. You should spell out the rules and consequences for your youngster's behavior at the same time. The most important part of this process is not the rule, but the consequence. Put the responsibility for what happens to the youngster squarely on his or her shoulders.

4. Do Not Let the Behavior Get Out of Control— Once a youngster is actively involved in an aggressive behavior or shouting match, it is difficult to deal with the behavior. Rather than wait till the behavior occurs to handle it, sometimes it is possible, and better, to try to prevent it from happening or to catch it early and not let it get out of control. In some adolescents, the aggressive behavior develops gradually and may involve several steps. Some initial behaviors appear and then intensify.

For example, an adolescent's brother may call him stupid. Some verbal exchanges follow, then a pushing and shoving match begins, and finally a full-blown fight erupts. Rather than wait to react when the fight starts, it would be better to try to catch the behavior early, and intervene before the situation gets out of hand. Target the name-calling or verbal arguing and try to stop that, rather than wait to zero in on the fighting.

5. Don't Get into a Power Struggle—You tell your Aspie to clean his room and he refuses. Then you threaten, "You had better clean it, or you're not going out on Saturday." He replies, "You can't make me clean it and I'm going out on Saturday, anyway." Then you say something, he says something, you both begin to shout, and a full-blown power struggle has developed. This is a good way to generate anger in your youngster. When possible, avoid battles and power struggles, which only lead to a buildup of anger. At times, it may be better to have the youngster experience the consequence of his behavior rather than to win the battle and get him to do what you want. If you try to win each fight, you may battle the youngster throughout adolescence, and will probably end up losing the war.

6. Encourage Appropriate Communication— The most effective way to deal with anger and rebellious behavior is to have adolescents appropriately communicate their feelings of disapproval and resentment. Encourage them to express and explain negative feelings, sources of anger, and their opinions—that is, what angers them, what we do that they do not like, what they disapprove of. If an Aspergers adolescent expresses emotions appropriately, in a normal tone of voice, she should not be viewed as rude or disrespectful. This is an appropriate expression of anger, and the youngster should not be reprimanded or punished. In other words, allow adolescents to complain, disagree, or disapprove, provided they are not sarcastic, flippant, or nasty.

Remember, though, that allowing a youngster to shout, swear, or be fresh does not teach effective communication of emotions. If the adolescent is complaining about excessive restrictions, punishments, or other things that she does not like, listen. Try to understand her feelings. If the complaints are realistic, see if something can be worked out and resolved, or if a compromise can be achieved.

7. Look for Ways to Compromise— In many situations with Aspie teens, you should try to treat them the way you would one of your friends or another adult. Rather than get into a battle to see who is going to win, it may be better to create a situation where a compromise is reached.

8. Provide Appropriate Models— Kids learn a great deal from modeling their parents' behavior. The way we handle our conflicts and problems is apt to be imitated by our kids. If I handle my anger by hollering, throwing things, or hitting, there is a good possibility that my kids will handle their conflicts in a similar fashion. The old saying "Don't do as I do; do as I say" is a very ineffective way of dealing with behavior. Therefore, if you see aggressive or rebellious behaviors in your adolescent, look at yourself, your spouse, or an older sibling to see if one of you is modeling these behaviors. If so, the behavior must stop before we can expect to change the teenager's conduct. If there is a significant amount of arguing in the home, or if parents demonstrate disrespect for one another, it is likely that the adolescent will adopt similar behavior patterns. If you scream at your youngster, he is likely to scream back.

Moms and dads who use physical punishment with the young youngster, as a primary method of dealing with his or her behavior, forget one important thing: kids grow and usually get as big as or bigger than them. A young child disciplined through physical punishment will probably end up as a teenager who gets into physical battles with his parents. Moms and dads must look at themselves to be sure they are not models of the behavior they are trying to eliminate in the youngster. Serving as an appropriate model is a good way to teach kids how to deal with and express anger.

9. Stabilize the Environment— Aspergers adolescents who experience environmental change—especially divorce, separation, or remarriage—may develop underlying anger. The anger and resentment that result from the changes may be expressed in other ways. Try to identify the changes, stabilize the environment, and get him to express his feelings through more appropriate methods. If the teenager has questions regarding a divorce or remarriage, discuss them with him.

10. Try Not to React to Passive-Aggressive Behavior— Some of the opposition, stubbornness, resistance, and other passive-aggressive maneuvers of Aspergers adolescents are designed to express anger and/or to get a reaction from the parents. Ignoring this behavior is often an effective way to reduce it. Some ways of dealing with this passive-aggressive behavior will result in the development of more anger, while others will help deflate the anger balloon. For example, if you ask your Aspie to do something – and he is doing it, although complaining the whole time, ignore his complaints since he is doing what you asked.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Avoiding Social Interaction: The Dilemma for Teens on the Autism Spectrum

Teens with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s (AS) have difficulty with the basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments with others, as well as a lack of social or emotional reciprocity.

The reason this is such a problematic issue is because we, as humans, are social creatures by nature. Social interaction is a “requirement” within our species.

The sad truth is that teens on the autism spectrum desire acceptance and want to “fit-in” with their peer group, but are often ostracized, mocked and bullied. In the adolescent world where EVERYONE feels insecure, the teenager who appears “different” or “odd” is voted off the island.

Many of the traits associated with HFA and AS tend to exacerbate peer-rejection. For example, the “special needs” teen:

• faces similar academic problems as students with ADD due to his distractibility and difficulty organizing materials
• finds friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity to be exhausting
• has poor social skills (e.g., lack of eye contact during conversation, body language that conveys a lack of interest)
• is not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally
• is stiff and rule-oriented and acts like a little adult (a deadly trait in any teen popularity contest) 
• may be naive when it comes to puberty and sexuality
• may remain stuck in grammar school clothes and hobbies instead of moving into adolescent concerns (e.g., dating, clubs)
• often experiences depression that results from chronic social tension 
• often has poor motor coordination, which leaves him out of high school sports (typically an essential area of male-bonding and friendship in the teenage years)
• often neglects his hygiene 
• tends to attract bullies, but is less likely to report bullying than his peers
• tends to be more immature than his peers
• typically does not care about adolescent fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in his peer group)

The hormonal changes of adolescence - coupled with the problems outlined above - usually means that an HFA or AS adolescent becomes emotionally overwhelmed on almost a daily basis. Childish temper tantrums may reappear, and it is not uncommon for the teen to experience "meltdowns" at home after another day filled with harassment, rejection, bullying, and pressure to conform.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Parents of teens on the autism spectrum can usually tell whether or not their son or daughter is experiencing some form of social rejection by observing his or her behavior and attitude. HFA and AS adolescents who feel disliked by others and who have experienced some form of emotional abuse:

• are disengaged from friends and classmates
• are frequently ill (e.g., stomach aches, headaches, colds, etc.) 
• are impulsive
• are less able to calm themselves
• are socially anxious
• become avoidant or aggressive when dealing with negative emotions
• behave in ways that cause them to get into conflicts at school
• exhibit emotions too intense for a situation
• experience a significant degree of anger and frustration
• have a preference for isolation at home and school
• have difficulty controlling their attention span
• have difficulty decreasing negative emotions
• have difficulty understanding emotional experiences
• may refuse to go to school
• may skip classes
• often seem genuinely depressed
• tend to have poor academic performance

All teenagers are required to use increasingly sophisticated social skills and to interpret ever more subtle social nuances as they progress through high school. For that reason, young people diagnosed with HFA or AS often find themselves more and more in conflict with prevailing social norms as they move through adolescence. Due to the fact that social encounters are seldom reinforcing (i.e., rewarding) for young people on the autism spectrum, they often avoid social interaction all together. Over time, they may develop negative attitudes about themselves, which makes it even more difficult to continue attempts at social interaction. As a result, the cycle continues – they retreat even deeper into their own little world.

Spending a lot of time in voluntary isolation creates a host of problems in-and-of itself. For example, teens who isolate may become depressed due to the lack of social contact. A depressed adolescent often loses interest in everyday activities and drops out of social groups at school. Depression is a Catch-22. It can cause isolation, but may also come from a lack of social interaction.

Furthermore, an adolescent who isolates may spend too much time playing video games and on social networking sites, thus losing touch with family, friends and his peer group. He may replace genuine social interaction with chat rooms and conversations with strangers. Adolescents who interact online lose out on genuine social interaction, which stunts their emotional growth even further.

When HFA and AS teens begin to act-out their frustrations (e.g., with verbal or physical aggression), it is usually a sign that they are not receiving adequate support in mastering their environments, both at home and school. In addition, their acting-out does not necessarily reflect willfulness, rather they lack the social skills needed to avoid be targeted as the “odd ball.”

After years of social failures, many young people on the spectrum literally give up. They simply stop trying to make friends and adopt an avoidant personality style (even though they may not have the formal diagnosis on Avoidant Personality Disorder). Teens with avoidant personality traits may display any of the following:

• view themselves as socially inept or personally unappealing
• use of fantasy as a form of escapism to interrupt painful thoughts and emotions
• tend to avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed and rejected
• self-imposed social isolation
• self-harm
• self-critical about their problems relating to others
• mistrust of others or oneself
• feelings of loneliness
• feelings of helplessness
• feelings of inadequacy and inferiority
• extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation by others 
• exhibits heightened self-doubt
• emotional distancing related to intimacy
• drastically-reduced or absent self-esteem
• depression
• avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant stimulus
• avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire to be close to others 
• anxiety
• agoraphobia
• a pattern of social inhibition

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Treatment—

Treatment for HFA and AS teens with avoidant personality traits should involve psychotherapy led by a professional with specific experience in working with individuals on the autism spectrum. Treatment often moves slowly at first, because “special needs” teens who have experienced chronic peer-abuse have a tendency to distrust others, including some adults.

Treatment approaches often include the following:

1. Talk Therapy – This is a technique wherein the therapist leads the teenager in conversation about his experiences, attitudes and behaviors. It can be incorporated into any therapeutic approach. By maintaining a conversational dialogue about the teen’s fears, shame, and insecurities, he learns to be less sensitive to criticisms and rejection.

2. Social Skills Training (SST) – This is a form of behavior therapy that is used by therapists – and even parents and teachers – to help HFA and AS teens who have difficulties relating to others. A major goal of SST is teaching the teenager (who may or may not have emotional problems) about the verbal - as well as nonverbal - behaviors involved in social interactions. There are many children on the autism spectrum who have never been taught such interpersonal skills (e.g., making "small talk" in social settings, the importance of good eye contact during a conversation, etc.).

Furthermore, many of these “special needs” individuals have not learned to "read" the many subtle cues contained in social interactions (e.g., how to tell when someone wants to change the topic of conversation or shift to another activity). SST helps autistic teens to learn to interpret these and other social signals so that they can determine how to act appropriately in the company of peers in a variety of different situations. When teens on the spectrum improve their social skills or change selected behaviors, they will raise their self-esteem and increase the likelihood that peers will respond favorably to them. Therapists learn to change the teen’s social behavior patterns by practicing selected behaviors in individual or group therapy sessions.

3. Psychodynamic Therapy – With this method, the counselor actively empathizes with the HFA or AS teen’s painful inner experience to build the trust relationship. The goal of this therapy involves helping the teenager develop a keen and accurate sense of self-awareness. The counselor then assists her in identifying unconscious thought processes that influence her daily behavior. As a result, the teen can examine and find closure for conflicts and painful emotions stemming from past dysfunctional relationships. The counselor will then use talk therapy to guide the teen in seeing connections between her deep personal shame and how it affects social and interpersonal functioning.

4. Group Therapy – Most counselors would recommend waiting until the HFA or AS teen has made some progress toward recovery before putting him in a group therapy environment. But for the teenager who is ready, group therapy can give the avoidant personality a positive social experience and help him accept feedback in a safe and controlled setting.

5. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – This approach assumes distorted and inaccurate thinking patterns create the foundation for avoidant personality tendencies. The counselor uses CBT strategies to change the distorted thought patterns by examining - and refuting - the truth of the assumptions surrounding them. For example, suppose a teen with autism strongly believes she is inferior to her peers and that others do not like her.

The counselor would test the validity of the teen’s belief by asking her to name a few friends who have enjoyed spending time with her in the past. The counselor may also ask the teen to talk about past social experiences that she enjoyed. In this way, the counselor shows the teen that people do enjoy her company and that social activities can be enjoyable. This demonstrates that the teen’s fear and insecurity about social situations are illogical and unsubstantiated. This technique is called “cognitive restructuring.”

If you have a teen with HFA or AS, you are dealing with many issues that parents of “typical” teens do not have to deal with.  The teenager on the spectrum is emotionally more immature than his peers. He may be indifferent - or even hostile - to your concerns. He may refuse to do ANYTHING other than play video games. And he may hate school with a passion because he is dealing with social ostracism or academic failure on a daily basis.

However, by utilizing some of the treatment methods listed above, you can help your teen to weather the storm of adolescence and prepare for the challenges of adulthood. There is no reason why the future cannot be a bright one if interventions are started early.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD