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Showing posts sorted by relevance for query teen struggles. Sort by date Show all posts

The Struggles of Adolescence: Help for Young People on the Autism Spectrum

“My 18 y.o. with Asperger syndrome (high functioning) is on my last nerve. He has been on in-school detention all week. Now he’s getting into trouble there too and is about to receive an out-of-school suspension. He simply doesn’t care anymore, and honestly, I think he is trying to get kicked out of school. He comes home and goes straight to his room for the rest of the evening to play online gaming (he will come out occasionally to eat a snack, but won’t eat dinner with the rest of us). He’s rude and hateful to me and his younger brother. I am at my wits end. No idea where I went wrong with this child. He has no friends to speak of, seems depressed and moody all time, and has even said he wished he wasn’t alive. I really have doubts that he will make it in the adult world at this point. He has already said he will not go to college or trade school. And he has never had an interest in working a part-time job so far. Please help!”

First of all, there is much more going on here than simple rebellion or defiance. Your son’s misbehavior is a symptom of some underlying factor(s). For example, many teens spend the entire school day under duress from peer-rejection, teasing and bullying. So, when they return home, some will take their frustration out on a “soft target” (in your case, his younger brother perhaps) as a way to discharge negative emotions. Also, some teens on the autism spectrum would love nothing more than to get kicked out of school due to (a) the mismatch between their educator’s teaching style and their individual learning style (most autistic teens learn visually), or (b) an unfriendly classroom environment that bombards and overloads their senses (most autistic teens have sensory sensitivities, such as sensitivity to excess noise, crowded hallways, smells from the cafeteria, and so on). Thus, the root cause(s) of the “misbehavior” needs to be uncovered before behavioral change can happen.



Adolescence is the most difficult time for teenagers with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s (AS). Young people on the spectrum typically become more isolated socially during a period when they crave friendships and acceptance more than ever. In the harsh world of middle and high school, they often face rejection, isolation and bullying. Meanwhile, school becomes more demanding in a period when they have to compete for college placements. So, who wouldn’t be acting-out under these circumstances?

Most autistic teenagers struggle with social skills, communication, and a limited diet. The causes of these struggles (e.g., social, communication and behavioral problems, sensory issues, etc.) can create the desire for isolation. They can easily drop into a lonely state of depression and/or anxiety, making the original problems much worse. Thus, helping the teen to boost his self-esteem and level of confidence is paramount.
 

So what can parents do to help their “special needs” adolescent? Below are some crucial tips for helping HFA and AS teens survive - and thrive - during the rough teenage years:

1. With or without an autism spectrum disorder, most teenagers become less willing to take a parent’s word or advice. Therefore, try to hook your teen up with other trustworthy adults. If you want him to learn or try to do something outside of his comfort zone (e.g., something other than playing video games all day), then arrange for the suggestion or information to come from a trusted adult other than you. Look for other good mentors (e.g., an uncle, scout or youth group leader, peer mentor, “Big Brother,” social skills group leader, coach or martial arts teacher, etc.).

2. Teenagers on the autism spectrum need developmentally-appropriate structure, but it requires sensitivity on your part to figure out what is needed when. Watch your teen, not the calendar. Try to get inside his head. Also, be prepared to run out of patience. Create your own back-up plan for when this happens (e.g., YOU take a time-out).

3. View “misbehavior” as a signal of needs. Everything your teen does tells you something about what he needs.

4. There are going to be occasions when negative consequences become necessary (e.g., grounding, taking away privileges, etc.), but they should always be immediate, definite, and relevant. Teens with autism tend not to perceive cause-and-effect and are likely to have short memories, so prolonged consequences not only lose their impact, but also their effectiveness.

5. The “transition plan” (which needs to be part of your teen’s IEP) should address the skills that your teen needs to acquire while in high school, in order to be prepared for the kind of independent life he wants to lead after graduation. Many high schools are unfamiliar with transition planning. The more you know as a mom or dad, the more you will be able to ensure that a solid transition plan is written and carried out.

6. Although most teenagers with HFA/AS are more child-like than their “typical” peers, be prepared to tolerate and/or ignore considerable distancing, hostility, or acting-out – knowing that it won’t last forever. At the same time, set some firm limits, and keep a close eye on your teen’s anxiety level and depression.

7. List the behaviors that you feel are most deserving of attention. This is an important step, because some behaviors may need intervention or therapy in order to be eliminated rather than simple disciplinary tactics. Odd self-soothing behaviors are common in autistic teens with sensory processing issues, and they can be easily replaced with more appropriate ones.

8. Teach laundry and other self-care/home-care skills by small steps over time. Also, try to get your teenager to take an elective at school (e.g., cooking, personal finance, etc.).

9. Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important source of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for your teenager.

10. Some teenagers on the spectrum adjust to high school with appropriate supports and accommodations. However, others just can’t handle a large, impersonal academic setting that exists in high school. You may need to hire an advocate to negotiate with the school system to pay for an alternative school placement, tuition, and transportation.
 

11. Seek out social skills groups designed especially for teenagers with autism. Participating in such a group and being accepted by group leaders and peers is probably the most powerful way to alleviate your teenager’s potential despair at not fitting-in socially and not having any friends. The positive social experiences and new skills he learns will be assets for the rest of his life.

12. Schedule regular monthly educational team meetings to monitor your teenager’s progress, to ensure that the IEP is being faithfully carried out, and to modify it if necessary. Because teenagers on the spectrum can be so volatile or fragile, and because so many important things must be accomplished in 4 short years of high school, these meetings are crucial. If your child is doing very well, the team can agree to skip a month, but be sure to reconvene to plan the transition to the following year.

13. Reading body language and understanding sweeping generalizations can be quite frustrating for autistic teens. Thus, they usually benefit from systematic social training in which they are given the chance to role play, study body cues and language, and practice interpreting new signals that may not have been evident in early childhood.

14. Not all teenagers on the spectrum are ready for a residential college experience right after high school. To decide, use the evidence of how your teen did at sleep-away camp or similar samplings of independence, and look carefully at executive function skills (e.g., organizational skills). As an alternative, community colleges offer a lot of flexibility (e.g., easy admission, low cost, remedial courses if necessary, the option of a light course load, the security of living at home, etc.). Some college disability offices are more successful than others at providing effective, individualized support. However, if your teenager is living at home, you may be able more easily to sense trouble, step in with help, or secure supports he needs to succeed.

15. Make sure thorough neuropsychological re-evaluations are performed every 3 years. This information and documentation may be critical in (a) securing appropriate services, (b) alternative school placements, (c) a good transition plan, (d) choosing an appropriate college or other post-secondary program, and (e) proving eligibility for services and benefits as a grown-up.

16. Look for volunteer activities or part time jobs at the high school or in the community. Be persistent in asking the school to provide help in the areas of career assessment, job readiness skills, and internships or volunteer opportunities. They probably have such services for learning disabled teenagers, but may not realize your high-functioning autistic teen needs that help, too. They may also not know how to adapt existing programs to meet his needs.

17. Look for opportunities for a sheltered, successful overnight stay away from home with no parent (e.g., long weekend visits to relatives, a week or two of a carefully chosen sleep-away camp, taking a course on a college campus, etc.).

18. Instill the essential habit of a daily shower and clean clothes. Peers, teachers, and future potential employers are very put-off by poor hygiene. If possible, put your teenager’s clothes on a well-organized shelf in the bathroom near the clothes hamper.

19. In adolescence, communication becomes complicated as teenagers invent words, signs, and body language to discreetly talk with a friend. For a youngster with HFA/AS who has been struggling just to understand common social cues, this change can be frustrating and incredibly difficult to understand. The best scenario is when language is "concrete and definite." Teenage conversations that use shortened terms or lingo are going to be very difficult for a young person on the spectrum.

20. Impersonal, written communication is easier for the HFA/AS teenager to absorb (e.g., lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, calendars, etc.).
 

21. If your teenager seems like a good candidate for college, take him to visit colleges during the spring vacation weeks of the junior year of high school, or during the summers before junior and senior year. Visits reveal a lot about what environment your teenager will prefer. Also, purchase a large college guide to browse.

22. If you have not yet made a will and set up a special needs trust, do it now. Ask your lawyer about powers of attorney or other documents you may need once your teenager is no longer a minor. Few moms and dads assume guardianship of a young adult 18 or older, but it may be necessary and appropriate in some situations.

23. If you have not talked to your teenager about his disorder, you or someone else should do so (to the extent that he is ready to hear it). It’s tricky for teenagers on the spectrum – they so much want to be “normal” and strong and successful. A diagnosis can seem threatening or even totally unacceptable. In truth, however, adults on the spectrum who do best are those who know themselves well – both their own strengths (which point them toward finding their niche in the world) and their own blind spots (where they need to learn new skills or seek out specific kinds of help).

24. If both parents can agree about their HFA or AS teenager’s diagnosis, treatment, and rules, it will save a lot of family wear and tear. To get your spouse on the same page, attend autism conferences or classes together. When you hear the same information, you can discuss it and decide what will work best for your teenager and in your family. As you learn more about autism spectrum disorders, you may also come to better appreciate each other’s contributions to your youngster’s welfare. Attend team meetings at the school together, or alternate which parent attends. Also, seeing your teen’s therapist together (possibly without the youngster), or seeing a couples or family therapist may help you weather a tough time together.

25. Have realistic, modest goals for what your teenager or the family can accomplish in a given time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, for example.

26. Go with the flow of your youngster’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your teenager only likes plain T shirts without collars or buttons, buy plain T shirts. If he likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge him.

27. Multiple stressors during adolescence often bring on anxiety and even depression in teens on the spectrum. Stressors may include increased academic/abstract thinking and social demands at school, peer pressure, increased social awareness, and fears of the future. Anxious teenagers who do not get help may be at risk for school failure, acting-out, alcohol and drug abuse, and even suicide attempts.

28. Consider delaying graduation in order to ensure that transition services are actually provided under DOE. It may be hard to convince an academically gifted, college bound student to accept this route. However, it may be very helpful for autistic students who will need a lot of help with independent living skills and employment issues. Services need not be delivered within high school walls. Community college courses, adaptive driving lessons, and employment internships are just a few alternatives to consider.

29. Build and use any support networks you can (e.g., extended family, close friends, church/synagogue groups, an understanding school staff, etc.). If you don’t have a good network, consider individual or family therapy for a little support during a stormy, demanding life passage. When you have a demanding teenager, it’s good to be reminded once a week that your needs and feelings are valid and important, too!

30. Remember that teenagers with HFA/AS are relatively immature - both socially and emotionally - compared to “typical” teens of the same chronological age. Adjust your expectations for your teen, and make sure he has appropriate supports. 
 

31. Teenagers with HFA/AS are less prepared than “typical” teens for the new challenges of sexuality and romance. Many teens on the spectrum want a girl or boy friend, but are clueless about how to form and maintain a relationship. Autistic males may be at risk for accusations of harassment, and autistic females may be at risk for becoming victims. Teach appropriate rules. Look for supervised activities in which boys and girls can socialize safely together, supervised by a staff person who can coach appropriate social skills.

32. For a teenager with HFA/AS, friendships can be a struggle. Your youngster may not understand social cues, and may not know how to be someone's friend. He may feel the typical feelings of a first crush, but be uncertain on how to act on it. Social training can help these young people to understand social cues, slang, and meet other teens who feel similarly about how to deal with new friends. In these social trainings, teenagers can be taught how to listen, and how listening and reacting appropriately can lead to stronger bonds. Also, you should try to explicitly explain what the act of flirting is (e.g., by pointing it out on a TV show or movie).

33. A regular bed time at a reasonable hour is more important than ever. Regular routines of all kinds (e.g., familiar foods, rituals, vacations, etc.) are reassuring when the autistic teenager’s body, biochemistry, and social scene are changing so fast. Keeping your teen’s routines constant will improve his outlook. He will know what to expect at any given time, lessening the stress he feels.

34. Using your teenager’s special interests - both at home and at school - can generate positive responses in many situations. For instance, a 14-year-old's love of trains can be used to encourage eating at home. Train-themed dinnerware - or even themed foods - can be used to entice the reluctant eater.

In conclusion, young people with HFA and AS bring their special flavor to adolescence. Some will not avoid interacting with others. They are eager to communicate (though often in a clumsy, in-your-face way). The level of their insight into their social skills deficits will then become the determining factor of their social success. If they are unaware of their shortcomings in gauging the social atmosphere and reading social cues, they may inadvertently come across as rude, insulting or boring. They may miss subtle criticism and sarcasm. As they develop better insight, they will become more motivated to learn, which had not come naturally and intuitively.

In the social development of HFA and AS teens who show some interest in peer interactions, social anxiety and resultant avoidance play an important role. Some of these young people get very nervous just with the thought of approaching others and may choose to avoid it at all costs. Their avoidance may appear as if they are not interested in others. It is important to differentiate this since anxiety can be treated much more easily than genuine lack of interest.

Regardless of the individual developmental route, most teens on the spectrum start realizing that they are not quite like others at some point during their adolescence. Once the teenager realizes that he has significant difficulties in conducting social relationships compared to his peers, he needs deal with this loss, just like dealing with any other loss. Understanding the thoughts, feelings and behavior of a teen on the spectrum is the necessary first step in helping him out and being there for him. 

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens
 

Aspergers Teens and Dating

"My Aspie son is 17 years old, and dating is now becoming a problem. He likes girls but struggles with starting a conversation, showing that he likes them, and so on... Any suggestions?"

Aspergers dating can be a bit more complicated than typical teen dating. The onset of dating is a big step for teens with Aspergers (high functioning autism), just as it is for all teens. Like any other teen, your son wants to develop those special friendships and be a part of the crowd. The socialization struggles brought about by Aspergers calls for some advanced planning. Here are some tips to get you started.

Social skills—

Social skills are necessary to form friendships. Unfortunately, this skill area causes problems for people with Aspergers. Dating calls for the ability to notice social cues, body language, and gestures. You can help your son by identifying and practicing necessary skills. Many schools or community Autism support organizations have social skills group therapy classes. By attending these group activities, your son can learn socialization skills in a controlled and supported environment.

Personal Hygiene—

Sometimes personal hygiene is all but forgotten by people with Aspergers. Dating definitely requires good personal hygiene. It is difficult to attract the attention of the opposite sex if you forget to bathe and brush your teeth. Help your son create a schedule for his personal hygiene. A visual checklist can keep him on a regular schedule.

Interest-led activities—

One way to meet people is through a shared interest. For example, if your son's special interest is computers, he could join a computer club or take a class. Now is the chance to put to good use those obsessive interests that are so commonly held by people with Aspergers. Dating someone who loves the same things you do makes for a more natural relationship.

Therapy—

It is not easy to make your way through the teen years with Aspergers. Dating is expected and desired. If your son is struggling, he may benefit from individual therapy. A private counselor can help him work through his issues, concerns, and fears. A counselor can give him strategies that will make life easier and more pleasant.

With a little planning, your son can tackle his socialization struggles. With a bit of organization, some social skills practice, and possibly some therapy, your son can begin to overcome some of the weaknesses of Aspergers. Dating will then become his reality. With a little practice, he will become comfortable with himself in social situations.

High-Functioning Autism and Struggles in Adolescence

“I have a very lonely and depressed 17 year old son with high functioning autism that spends all of his time (except for going to school) in his bedroom playing video games. I don’t totally understand why he is always so down in the dumps. I wish there was something I could do to help him find some friends and start enjoying life. Any suggestions?”

Adolescence is probably the most miserable and complicated years for many young people with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). This is not true of everyone – some do extremely well. Their indifference to what peers think makes them indifferent to the intense peer pressure of adolescence. They can flourish within their specialty and become accomplished in their area of interest (e.g., music, history, etc.).

Unfortunately, many HFA adolescents become more socially isolated during a period when they crave friendships and inclusion more than ever. In the rough-and-tough world of middle and high school, these adolescents often face rejection, isolation and bullying. To make matters worse, school becomes more demanding in a period when these young people have to compete for college placements. Issues of sexuality and a desire for independence from moms and dads create even more problems.

In the adolescent world where everyone feels insecure, young people that appear different or “odd” are voted out of “the group.” HFA teens often have strange mannerisms (e.g., talk in a loud un-modulated voice, avoid eye contact, interrupt others, violate others physical space, steer the conversation to their favorite “odd” topic, etc.). Many of these young people appear willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because they are unable to share their thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, these adolescents are simply too anxious to initiate social contact.
 

Many adolescents on the spectrum are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any adolescent popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for these teenagers, even though they want it more than anything else.

HFA teenagers typically don’t care about current fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group). Also, these adolescents may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Some autistic teens remain stuck in grammar school clothes and hobbies (e.g., unicorns, Legos, dolls, etc.) instead of moving into adolescent concerns like FaceBook and dating. HFA males often have little motor coordination, which leaves them out of high school sports (typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship).

Adolescents on the autism spectrum are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless. HFA males can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a female peer who is simply being kind, and then they can get accused of stalking the girl. HFA girls may have fully developed bodies, but no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, thus making them susceptible to harassment – and even date rape.

Loneliness and depression can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to “fit in” and make friends, some adolescents on the spectrum fall into the wrong crowd. Typical adolescents who abuse drugs and alcohol may use the autistic teen's naivety to get him or her to buy/carry drugs and alcohol for their group.

Many adolescents on the spectrum, with their average to above average IQs, can sail through elementary school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with 5 to 7 different teachers instead of just 1 or 2. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent - or even hostile - toward making special accommodations is almost certain. The HFA teenager now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions, noise levels, and sets of expectations.

HFA adolescents, with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials, face similar academic problems as young people with ADHD. A high school term paper or a science project becomes impossible to manage, because no one has taught the youngster how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on autistic students can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll them in special education at this late point in their educational career.

Adolescence is an emotional rollercoaster for all teens. But, the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems associated with having an autism spectrum disorder mean that HFA adolescents can easily become emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums can reappear. Males often act-out by physically attacking the teacher or a schoolmate. They may experience "meltdowns" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Depression and drug/alcohol abuse become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to a vehicle, drugs and alcohol.

The parent of an adolescent with HFA often faces many problems that others parents don’t. As the teen approaches adulthood, time is quickly running out for teaching him or her how to become an independent adult. The parent may face issues like vocational training, teaching independent living, and providing lifetime financial support. Meanwhile, the immature autistic teen is often indifferent – and even hostile – to the parent’s concerns.

Once HFA youngsters enter the adolescent years, they are harder to control and less likely to listen to their parents. They may be tired of parents nagging them to “pay attention to people when they’re talking to you” … “comb your hair” … “you need a shower” … “get up, it’s time to get ready for school” …and so on. They may hate school because they are dealing with so much anxiety, social isolation and academic failure.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

Here are some ways moms and dads of HFA adolescents can help:

1. Because of their sensitivity to textures, HFA adolescents often wear the same clothes day in and day out. This is unacceptable in middle or high school. One idea that has worked for some moms and dads is to find an adolescent of the same age and sex as your teen, and then enlist that person’s help in choosing clothes that will enable your teen to blend in with his or her peers.

2. Most adolescents with ASD level 1 can learn to drive, but their learning process may take longer because of poor motor coordination. Once they learn a set of rules, they are likely to follow them to the letter. However, these teens may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road. Have your teen carry a cell phone, and give him or her a printed card that explains autism spectrum disorders. Teach him or her to give the card to a police officer and phone you in a crisis.

3. Alcoholic and drugs often react adversely with a person’s prescriptions, so you have to teach your teenager about these dangers in the event he or she is taking any medications. Also, since most HFA adolescents are very rule-oriented, try emphasizing that drugs and alcohol are illegal.

4. If your adolescent is college-bound, you have to prepare him or her for the experience. You can plan a trip to the campus and show your adolescent where to buy books, where the health services are, and so on. Teach your adolescent how to handle everyday problems, like where to buy deodorant, what to do if you oversleep and miss a class, etc.

5. If the pressure on your adolescent to conform is too great, if she or he faces constant harassment and rejection, if the principal and teachers do not cooperate with you, then it may be time to find another school. The adolescent years are often when many moms and dads decide it is in their adolescent’s best interest to enter special education or a therapeutic boarding school. In a boarding school, professionals will guide your son or daughter academically and socially on a twenty-four hour basis. They do not allow males to isolate themselves with video games. Everyone has to participate in social activities. Also, counseling staff helps with college placements. 
 

If you decide to work within a public school system, you may have to hire a lawyer to get needed services. Your HFA adolescent should have an Individual Education Plan (IEP) and accommodations for the learning disabled. This may mean placement in smaller classes, having a tutor, and obtaining special arrangements for gym and lunchtime. Teach your adolescent to find a safe place at school where he or she can share emotions with a trusted professional. The safe place may be the offices of the school nurse, guidance counselor, or a psychologist.

6. You MUST teach your adolescent about sex. You should NOT "talk around" the issue. You will have to be specific and detailed about safe sex and teach your adolescent to tell you about inappropriate touching by others. He or she may need remedial “sex education” (e.g., females need to understand that they are too old to sit on laps or give hugs to strangers, and males may have to learn to close toilet stall doors and masturbate only in private).

7. Teach your adolescent how to initiate contact with others. Teach how to leave phone messages and arrange details of social contacts (e.g., finding transportation to a school event). Encourage your adolescent to join high school clubs (e.g., chess or drama). It is not necessary for you to tell your teen’s peers that he or she has an autism spectrum disorder – let your teen do that. Many adolescents with HFA are enjoying each other's company through Internet chat rooms, forums and message boards.

8. Most summer and part-time jobs involve interaction with the public (e.g., movie usher, fast food worker, store clerk, etc.). This means they are not always a good fit for an adolescent with HFA. Some of these young people can find work in their field of special interest or in jobs that have little interpersonal interaction. Others have spent joyful summers at camps designed for “special needs” individuals like them.

As you prepare your adolescent for the workforce, keep in mind that individuals with HFA often do not understand office politics. They have problems with the basics (e.g., handling criticism, controlling emotions, showing up on time, working with the public, etc.). This does not mean they can’t hold down a job. Once they master certain aspects of employment, Adolescents and young adults on the spectrum are often able to work at high levels as accountants, research scientists, computer programmers, and so on.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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PARENTS' COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... an instrument could help -my boy plays drums and loves it ...more confidence anyway...
•    Anonymous said... Aspies have a VERY hard time finding, making and keeping friends. When I was a teen I lost ALL of my friends my 9th grade year. Every last one. I was depressed and suicidal. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and why no one liked me!!! I do now though and today I know that I have Aspergers and so do two of my four children. We also believe my husband has it as well.  Computers/games/electronics allows us to focus on something else other that ourselves (Aspies are also VERY egocentric) and to escape. It helps us turn off our brains. It is comfort and it is release. The world of books is also comparable. For me, when I wasn't on the computer (I spent a lot of time programming - taught myself to do it when I was 8 yrs old), on my nintendo or my atari, I was reading. Those were probably the only things that kept me alive. If I'd had nowhere to escape to, I probably would have killed myself back then just to get that escape! Anyway, that's just my insight based on my own experiences. My two aspie kids also do this as well, especially my son, who also seems "mopey" all the time. He deals with being understimulated and a total lack of an ability to display emotion. So he might be REALLY excited about something but you would never know it based on his body language and facial expression. Hope this all helps!!!
•    Anonymous said... Attending church & going to youth group functions is a tremendous blessing for my 15 yr. Old.
•    Anonymous said... Certified Classical Homeopath
•    Anonymous said... Find your state's autism society or advocacy organization and see if there are support/social groups for his age. If there aren't then start one! These nonprofit agencies offer wonderful support. I have found church and sports organizations that aren't affiliated with special needs groups specifically to be a mine field. You never know how accepting they can be but there are plenty of people out there in your position and you just need to connect with them! Also, look into letting him start community college. My son it only 10 but I have friends who have older Aspergers kids and they find their niche in community college where people tend to be more mature about accepting people into their groups. I live in Washington state and I came from Colorado where I had a wonderful resource outlet! If you are anywhere near me or would like some help finding some resources you can PM me! I don't mind helping anyone find support!
•    Anonymous said... get him some professional help asap - find a therapist who specializes in adolescents on the spectrum, or a social skills group. Homeopathy can work wonders; find a CCH and get him treated asap. Do not take this lightly.
•    Anonymous said... Good suggestions so far. I would also suggest encouraging more social interaction online. My husband is an Aspie who was not diagnosed until in his 30's but when he was a teenager he struggled immensely with in person interactions and relationships but was able to connect much easier online and this was back before the internet It may seem counterintuitive but for those with asperger's it can provide a place to belong, access to friends, and socialization in a way that is more comfortable for them which may help with the lonely depressed feeling. I also strongly agree with the suggestion to find him a therapist who works specifically with Aspies and look for a social skills group. Most importantly, remember that his way of interacting with the world may be different than yours and that there is nothing wrong with that. Make sure you are not trying to make him into the version of him you want for him - support him being who he is and what he needs to be happy. Hope that helps!
•    Anonymous said... I would agree with Tristan. My son is 5 and if he gets too much screen time (ie. computer,tv, even Leapster) his behavior is much worse. We are working online with a Biomedical Dr named Dr. Woeller. He has given us great advice on all natural supplements for balanced behavior!
•    Anonymous said... My 8 year old spends every available minute glued to a computer, or game console. We did not want to stop him from his one interest but were concerned that it was not healthy. He is now learning HTML programming so he can make his own web pages and hopefully he will go on to game programming later. We take him to all the conventions (comic con, Supa nova etc) as he loves to dress up as his fav game/anime characters and he even did Cosplay in front of a couple thousand people this year. I don't think taking the computer away is the answer. Sometimes they are ok but my son just gets angry, frustrated and depressed. Try engaging with them. We play games with my son online now. We play League of Legends with him and have our own mine craft server
•    Anonymous said... My aspie son helped his depression and anxiety with working out. Specifically LA Boxing workouts. Also list out his favorite non computer activities and find events related. For example my son liked yu gi oh cards so i started taking him to tournaments. Also when i limited computer time to weekends his depression and behavior improved. Best of luck. Address issues as early as you can.
•    Anonymous said... Really my son is exactly the same, as been put down to asperges and been a teenager, he asnt been certified anything
•    Anonymous said... similiar situation here too
•    Anonymous said... Sounds like my son
•    Anonymous said... This is an awesome article. It is helpful to hear someone put into words what you continue to observe but can't really understand. Thanks for posting.
•    Anonymous said... very helpful thank you.
•    Anonymous said... Depressed aspies need counseling. I've found that to be the best solution
•    Anonymous said... Hi my newly diagnosed daughter is 14 years old. She also plays "Sims" most of her free time for hrs. She has managed to keep one close friend from Primary School who she meets now & again. They play computer games all day when they meet up. I was just thinking whilst standing washing up a minute ago....the word isolation came in my mind. That's what I feel like as a caring parent so heaven knows how she feels. Just had an hr & half of calming her down after 2 and half hrs at her short stay medical school. She is staying there until age 16 as no other provision available at her age as starting GSCE's. She has been put on Prozac as her depression was getting so bad. It has helped lots. It enables her to socialise for about 3 hrs without meltdown or fatigue. I feel for you.....it is so hard. I am researching, reading all the time about Asperger's. My daughter has started blogging her experiences, passions etc. I hope for her to connect with othet teens with Aspergers over the internet to widen her friend base? Good luck with you son.
•    Anonymous said... I know it's not the answer for most people, or even possbile, but just over a year ago I began to home educate my daughter and the change is marked now she is not using all her 'spoons' to deal with copng with large numbers of people she can and does want to socilaize - on her own terms. she is more likely to chat on line with friends that she also meets up or has round now than play the same computer games or just watch her DVDs (and has had two major meltdowns in one year since I took her out of school), She didn't have any firends or want any and rejected fgirls that tried to befriend her while at school. Try to remember your teen is surrounded by too many noisy NTs all day and once removed from the situation will find and make friends on their own terms, so things will improve once they are older. I would also recommend 'Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers' by an Aspie teen Luke Jackson. And don't ever expect a teen with autism to ever socialize as much as NT one, they just won't want to, however many social skills workshops and classes they may have attended, their brain is just wired up differently. If they are unhappy with the situation a club or on line chat room around an interst will give then a shaed interest as a beginning to make friends.
•    Anonymous said... Like minded kids help as they're all into similar stuff like minecraft and strategy games or top trumps etc. My lad has 1 firm friend and that's enough. When I was younger I had a few friends -and that's all I wanted. The depression came from deep thought (usually depressing and confusing when you start to wonder how you were born without your own say-so ) or getting worn down with constant punishment for untidy/careless work, arguing with teachers as if you are their peer or forgetting homework/equipment (anything you think is unimportant to you rly) My own insights usually help me deal with my son apart from when I'm in the moment picking at details in an argument - Then I'm just as bad as he is ! I wonder if this rings true with anyone else.. if so maybe I should write my own book Hehe.
•    Anonymous said... Mine same but 17yr son. He only has one year of school. I'm trying to get every day filled with at least one outdoor activity. He only has a 3 day week @ school so the other days he has voluntary work for a few hours a day,
•    Anonymous said... my daughter does sims all day!!! Also depressed, nearly 13 now, very similar from what you write, we are going through tough times right now...
•    Anonymous said... My daughter is depressed.... No enthusiasm for living, for doing things or making contact with others; she must be very self critical whilst comparing herself to other girls of her age who seem to be living without a care... at times she stays in her bed playing on ipad.. just like the other Aspies. So sad to watch.   

•    Anonymous said... Do your research and find a social skill activity program. Have him volunteer. Limit the video time, offer comic books or graphic novels as an alternative.
•    Anonymous said... Find a HFA support group where he can connect with kids like him. My 8 year old has the same issue. If we let him he would play video games all day but we have him in sports. He is a diver. He still struggles with social aspects but he is learning! Get him out and sooner the better
•    Anonymous said... I have the exact same issue with my 16 year old son. He doesn't accept his diagnosis, never has, and there is no way he would let me take him to a social group of similar kids..ughh
•    Anonymous said... My almost 16yr old is/was exactly the same (except now works instead of school).. Went through months of deep depression , is only coming out of it now.. I think backing off too much pressure helped my son ALOT, he also did not want to join social groups/outings still doesn't. It breaks your heart as a mum to watch them sit in their room or on computer with no friends, but to be honest, he tells me he is happier doing that than being forced out being made to be sociable. I think they all eventually find their feet, grow into their own skin, however you want to put it.. But by me always showing I was there for him and as said previously, taking the pressure off him, he is beginning to show signs of being happy once again . If you ever need a chat, please message me, I completely understand your concern and heartbreak xx
•    Anonymous said... My son is thirteen, doesn't like sports and he also doesn't accept a label. It's a daily challenge coaxing him away from screens. In order to keep screen time, he is required to have a daily set amount of social time with the family. My son says has made many friendly connections through his video games.


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Understanding Suicidal Ideation in Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Adolescence is a pivotal and often tumultuous phase of development, characterized by significant emotional, social, and physical changes. For teenagers navigating this stage with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), these challenges can be magnified due to the distinctive traits and experiences associated with their condition. A particularly alarming issue that has come to light in recent years is the high incidence of suicidal ideation among this demographic. To effectively address this issue, it is crucial to delve into the factors contributing to these distressing thoughts and to explore strategies for providing appropriate support to these vulnerable teens.


#### The Unique Challenges Faced by Teens with ASD


Adolescents with ASD often grapple with an array of challenges that can complicate their journey through these formative years. Key characteristics of ASD—such as difficulties in social communication, heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, and challenges in regulating behavior—can significantly impact their ability to navigate complex social environments. For example, while a neurotypical teen might find it easier to connect with peers through casual conversations, a teen with ASD may struggle to interpret social cues, leading to misunderstandings and frustration.


Social isolation is a common experience for many teens with ASD. Due to their unique communication styles and behavioral tendencies, they may find it hard to forge friendships, resulting in feelings of loneliness and alienation. Compounding this issue, instances of bullying in school settings are distressingly frequent, with studies indicating that adolescents with ASD are often targeted by their peers. This victimization can further exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness, laying the groundwork for mental health challenges.


Moreover, during adolescence, societal pressures to conform and fit in with peers can become overwhelming. Teens with ASD may experience anxiety when faced with scenarios that require social interaction or when navigating the often-turbulent landscape of high school life, leading to increased emotional turmoil.


#### Risk Factors for Suicidal Ideation


The elevated risk of suicidal thoughts among adolescents with ASD is influenced by several interrelated factors:


1. **Social Isolation**: The struggle to make friends and develop meaningful connections can lead to profound feelings of loneliness, which can be particularly acute during the adolescent years when peer relationships are often prioritized.


2. **Mental Health Comorbidities**: Research indicates that a significant number of individuals with ASD also experience co-occurring mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders and depression. These conditions, particularly when untreated, can significantly elevate the risk of suicidal ideation.


3. **Bullying and Victimization**: Experiencing repeated bullying can contribute to a sense of worthlessness. This victimization can lead to withdrawal from social situations and exacerbate feelings of despair.


4. **Difficulty with Emotional Regulation**: Adolescents with ASD may struggle to identify and articulate their emotions, which can lead to overwhelming feelings of frustration and the inability to cope with stress in healthy ways.


5. **Challenges with Life Transitions**: Transitioning to high school, moving to a new environment, or dealing with significant life changes can create heightened anxiety and a sense of instability for teens with ASD, potentially triggering suicidal thoughts.


#### Recognizing Warning Signs


Early intervention is crucial, hence it is essential for parents, educators, and peers to be vigilant and recognize the warning signs of suicidal ideation in teens with ASD. These warning signs may include:


- **Expressions of Hopelessness or Worthlessness**: Verbalizing feelings of despair or a belief that life is not worth living is a critical indicator.


- **Withdrawal from Friends and Family**: An observable decrease in social interaction, an increase in isolation, or avoidance of previously enjoyed activities.


- **Behavioral Changes**: Sudden shifts in behavior, including drastic declines in academic performance, increased irritability, or mood fluctuations, could be a cause for concern.


- **Self-Harm**: Any indication of self-injurious behavior should be taken seriously and addressed immediately.


- **Talk of Escaping or Desiring to Die**: Direct or indirect expressions of wanting to escape life or discussions of suicidal thoughts require urgent attention.


#### Providing Support


Supporting teens with ASD who may be experiencing suicidal ideation demands a multifaceted and compassionate approach:


1. **Encouraging Open Communication**: Establishing a safe and non-judgmental environment where teens feel comfortable discussing their emotions and daily struggles can foster a sense of trust and understanding.


2. **Access to Mental Health Resources**: Connecting the teen with mental health professionals who specialize in ASD can provide tailored therapy that addresses their unique challenges and equips them with coping strategies.


3. **Social Skills Training**: Programs focused on enhancing social skills and emotional literacy can empower teens to better engage with their peers, reducing feelings of isolation and enhancing their social competence.


4. **Facilitating Peer Support**: Encouraging participation in peer support groups can help adolescents realize that others share similar experiences, allowing for the exchange of coping strategies and emotional support.


5. **Involvement of Parents**: Parents play a critical role as advocates for their children. Educating themselves about ASD and its mental health risks can empower them to recognize signs of distress and seek appropriate help.


6. **Crisis Intervention**: In situations where immediate danger is evident, reaching out to crisis intervention services or hotlines that specialize in adolescent mental health should be prioritized.


#### Conclusion


Addressing the issue of suicidal ideation among adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder demands a concerted effort to increase awareness and promote understanding. Parents, educators, and society need to acknowledge the unique challenges these teens face and work collaboratively to provide support and resources. By fostering resilience, understanding, and proactive intervention, we can create an environment where adolescents with ASD feel valued, understood, and hopeful for the future. Awareness, empathy, and informed action are paramount in making a difference in the lives of these young individuals, helping them navigate the complexities of adolescence with confidence and support.


 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
 to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

Defiance in Teenagers with High-Functioning Autism

"My son (high functioning autistic) is now 13 ...he was diagnosed at the age of 8. All of a sudden he is acting out, cussing all the time, lying, being disrespectful and verbally abusive, and has an overall grumpy attitude. Are these years the hardest, or is this just the beginning? When he finally hits puberty, will things get better?"

Yes, the teen years are the hardest, whether your son has High Functioning Autism (HFA) or not! He has probably “hit” puberty already, but it’s just beginning.

Raging hormones and frustration with social interactions at school can cause a lot of anger and bad behavior during the teen years, especially for adolescents with "special needs!" Many need counseling to negotiate this time in their lives successfully. Peer-rejection, teasing, bullying, and all other other stressors that your son may have to endure can take a psychological toll, which may in turn influence him to act-out his frustration on a "safe" target at home (i.e., YOU).

Your son is exhibiting rebellious behavior, and this type of behavior fulfills his needs. For example, he may have the need to:
  • Avoid responsibility (e.g., attending school, obeying parents)
  • Get something (e.g., his way in a decision, your attention, control over a situation)
  • Manage pain (e.g., physical and/or emotional stress that must be alleviated)
  • Fulfill sensory needs (e.g., relief from heat, cold, or to satisfy thirst)

Having a developmental disorder such as HFA or Asperger’s is no excuse for being verbally abusive. However, it is important for you to understand that some of the associated symptoms do contribute to defiant behavior. Teens on the autism spectrum may display some - or all - of the following characteristics, many of which contribute to problematic behavior:
  • the teen may be able to talk extensively on a topic of interest, but have difficulty with more practical tasks such as recounting the day’s events, telling a story, or understanding jokes and sarcasm
  • sensitivity to criticism 
  • preference for playing alone or with adults
  • narrow field of interests (e.g., a teen with HFA may focus on learning all there is to know about cars, trains or computers)
  • language may be considered to be very advanced or ‘precocious’ when compared to their peers
  • lack of appreciation that communication involves listening as well as talking (e.g., they may not allow their communication partner an opportunity to engage in the conversation)
  • inability to understand the rules of social behavior or the feelings of others
  • difficulty ‘reading’ body language (e.g., a teen with HFA may not understand that someone is showing that they are unhappy by frowning)
  • having rules and rituals that they insist all family members follow
  • difficulty in forming friendships
  • behavior varies from mildly unusual, eccentric or ‘odd’ to quite aggressive and difficult
  • apparently good language skills, but difficulty with communication
  • anger and aggression when things do not happen as they want

 
Your son is unlikely to identify with your feelings or comprehend others’ objections to his behavior. The only explanation you should use with him is to specifically state that the objectionable behavior is not permitted. Your son needs to follow rules, and following rules can help to focus and modify his rebellious behavior.

Behavior modification is a therapeutic approach that can change your son’s behavior. You need to determine the need that his rebellion/aggression fulfills and teach him an acceptable replacement behavior. For example, your son can be taught to ask for, point to, or show an emotion card to indicate the need that he is trying to fulfill.

Sometimes, self-stimulating behaviors such as rocking or pacing are taught as replacement behaviors, but it will take time for your son to integrate these behaviors into his daily activities. If your son is severely out of control, he needs to be physically removed from the situation. Granted, this may be easier said than done, and you may need someone to help you; yet, behavior modification can be helpful, and it must be started as soon as possible.

For adolescents on the autism spectrum, the importance of maintaining a daily routine can't be stressed enough. A daily routine produces behavioral stability and psychological comfort. Also, it lessens their need to make demands. When you establish a daily routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your son’s behavior becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give him attention, he may have less need to show aggression to try to get that attention.

Ideally over time, your son will learn to recognize and communicate the causes of his aggression and get his needs met by using communication. Unfortunately, teens who get their needs met due to aggression or violence are very likely to continue and escalate this defiant behavior.

A behavior therapy program may help; however, an individualized program has to be designed specifically for your son because adolescents on the spectrum vary greatly in their challenges and/or family circumstances. Treatment approaches that work well with other diagnoses may not work with HFA. Consult a psychiatrist who can oversee a treatment plan as well as any medication regimen that your son may be need.

In addition to the suggestions listed above, here are a few simple parenting tips that may help:
  • Take care of yourself. Counseling can provide an outlet for your own mental health concerns that could interfere with the successful management of your son's defiant behavior. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your son, which can trigger or worsen oppositional behaviors. Let go of things that you or your son did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate. Learn ways to calm yourself, and take time for yourself. Develop outside interests, get some exercise, and spend some time away from your son to restore your energy.
  • Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your son. Asking him to help develop that routine can be helpful.
  • Set limits and enforce consistent reasonable consequences.
  • At first, your son is not likely to be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to his behavior. Setbacks and relapses are normal, so be prepared with a plan to manage those times. 
  • Remind yourself that your son’s defiance is most likely a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent catastrophe.
  • Recognize and praise your son's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible (e.g., "I really liked the way you cleaned up your room tonight").
  • Pick your battles carefully. Avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle — if you let it.
  • Model the behavior you want your son to exhibit.
  • Develop a united front. Work with your partner/spouse to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.
  • Remember that behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. However, with persistence and consistency, the initial hard work will pay off with improved behavior.
  • Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and your son being together.
  • Assign your son a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless he does it. Initially, it's important to set him up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve, then gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.



Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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COMMENTS FROM PARENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Its so good to not feel alone in this. My son emailed the principle and councilor this week with a page of cuss words, then says "he doesn't remember it". He never talks at home like that. Trying to find alternatives for anger, like using a punching bag. But that day I had no idea he was even upset that is what scares me. Praying lots and lots.
•    Anonymous said... My Son doesnt like going outside at all eather!... Not very nice if he's got a little Sis that does want to go and do nice things tho... But tried to take him out today, but it was Far to Busy! Really made him have a Noise overload in his head till now... We'v been back for 10 hours... Must be horrible for him...
•    Anonymous said... my son like that as well. Does not want to go outside because the kids are making poor choices
•    Anonymous said... Not only does the stew of Aspie issues flare up at new situations and new social expectations. But puberty hits and the hormones kick in like they do in non-Aspie kids. So you get a double dose of Teenage attitude.
•    Anonymous said... Puberty makes them begin to resemble something of aliens. lol Seriously though they do become quite difficult. The acting out, cussing, lying, etc., all are magnified x 3 during this time. Counseling and keeping the schedule has helped us. In the end however not much helps lately. Praying a lot. Good luck.
•    Anonymous said... There may be commorbid conditions. Mine has ODD and ADHD. But, yes, teens will always test limits. Be thankful he's a boy; ) Deep breaths. And approach delicately. Never demand, request. Always give him time to respond, and make a consequence that fits the "crime" and stick to it. Consistency is key to any austism spectrum disorder. Hugs.
•    Anonymous said... We have been through hell with my son since he turned 13 and now he is 16. I try to see the silver lining with him having to deal with ASD - one is that he doesn't want to leave the house because of his heightened social anxiety - so I know where he is at all times! At least he is not out hooning around and making bad choices with other idiot teenage boys. I'm hoping that by the time he is happy to engage again with society he will be dealing with other guys whose frontal lobe has developed (him too).
•    Anonymous said... You have to adjust your responses to the outbursts and also reinforce what good choices look like for your child as well as what bad choices look like. The teen years are rough for everyone, but Aspergers and kids in the Autism Spectrum have it even harder. Pick your battles. You do not always have to win an argument. Actively listening and explaining what is going on is the best win for both you and your family.
*   Anonymous said...My upstairs neighbors (mom) are very uncooperative when it comes to respecting my household! The teenage son stalks me, destroys my plants and flowers.. breaks my patio decor and had almost destroyed my 5ft windmill. He makes a lot of noise constantly and walks in place to make the floor squeak in many areas of their apartment... And, how does he know when I am using my bathroom... It's embarrassing that he lets me know he knows I'm in my bathroom because he will make noise or flush the toilet or run the water in the sink or bathtub... He will run out and sometimes stomp very loud upon exiting.

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