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The Struggles of Adolescence: Help for Young People on the Autism Spectrum
Aspergers Teens and Dating
High-Functioning Autism and Struggles in Adolescence

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.
• Anonymous said... an instrument could help -my boy plays drums and loves it ...more confidence anyway...
• Anonymous said... Aspies have a VERY hard time finding, making and keeping friends. When I was a teen I lost ALL of my friends my 9th grade year. Every last one. I was depressed and suicidal. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and why no one liked me!!! I do now though and today I know that I have Aspergers and so do two of my four children. We also believe my husband has it as well. Computers/games/electronics allows us to focus on something else other that ourselves (Aspies are also VERY egocentric) and to escape. It helps us turn off our brains. It is comfort and it is release. The world of books is also comparable. For me, when I wasn't on the computer (I spent a lot of time programming - taught myself to do it when I was 8 yrs old), on my nintendo or my atari, I was reading. Those were probably the only things that kept me alive. If I'd had nowhere to escape to, I probably would have killed myself back then just to get that escape! Anyway, that's just my insight based on my own experiences. My two aspie kids also do this as well, especially my son, who also seems "mopey" all the time. He deals with being understimulated and a total lack of an ability to display emotion. So he might be REALLY excited about something but you would never know it based on his body language and facial expression. Hope this all helps!!!
• Anonymous said... Attending church & going to youth group functions is a tremendous blessing for my 15 yr. Old.
• Anonymous said... Certified Classical Homeopath
• Anonymous said... Find your state's autism society or advocacy organization and see if there are support/social groups for his age. If there aren't then start one! These nonprofit agencies offer wonderful support. I have found church and sports organizations that aren't affiliated with special needs groups specifically to be a mine field. You never know how accepting they can be but there are plenty of people out there in your position and you just need to connect with them! Also, look into letting him start community college. My son it only 10 but I have friends who have older Aspergers kids and they find their niche in community college where people tend to be more mature about accepting people into their groups. I live in Washington state and I came from Colorado where I had a wonderful resource outlet! If you are anywhere near me or would like some help finding some resources you can PM me! I don't mind helping anyone find support!
• Anonymous said... get him some professional help asap - find a therapist who specializes in adolescents on the spectrum, or a social skills group. Homeopathy can work wonders; find a CCH and get him treated asap. Do not take this lightly.
• Anonymous said... Good suggestions so far. I would also suggest encouraging more social interaction online. My husband is an Aspie who was not diagnosed until in his 30's but when he was a teenager he struggled immensely with in person interactions and relationships but was able to connect much easier online and this was back before the internet It may seem counterintuitive but for those with asperger's it can provide a place to belong, access to friends, and socialization in a way that is more comfortable for them which may help with the lonely depressed feeling. I also strongly agree with the suggestion to find him a therapist who works specifically with Aspies and look for a social skills group. Most importantly, remember that his way of interacting with the world may be different than yours and that there is nothing wrong with that. Make sure you are not trying to make him into the version of him you want for him - support him being who he is and what he needs to be happy. Hope that helps!
• Anonymous said... I would agree with Tristan. My son is 5 and if he gets too much screen time (ie. computer,tv, even Leapster) his behavior is much worse. We are working online with a Biomedical Dr named Dr. Woeller. He has given us great advice on all natural supplements for balanced behavior!
• Anonymous said... My 8 year old spends every available minute glued to a computer, or game console. We did not want to stop him from his one interest but were concerned that it was not healthy. He is now learning HTML programming so he can make his own web pages and hopefully he will go on to game programming later. We take him to all the conventions (comic con, Supa nova etc) as he loves to dress up as his fav game/anime characters and he even did Cosplay in front of a couple thousand people this year. I don't think taking the computer away is the answer. Sometimes they are ok but my son just gets angry, frustrated and depressed. Try engaging with them. We play games with my son online now. We play League of Legends with him and have our own mine craft server
• Anonymous said... My aspie son helped his depression and anxiety with working out. Specifically LA Boxing workouts. Also list out his favorite non computer activities and find events related. For example my son liked yu gi oh cards so i started taking him to tournaments. Also when i limited computer time to weekends his depression and behavior improved. Best of luck. Address issues as early as you can.
• Anonymous said... Really my son is exactly the same, as been put down to asperges and been a teenager, he asnt been certified anything
• Anonymous said... similiar situation here too
• Anonymous said... Sounds like my son
• Anonymous said... This is an awesome article. It is helpful to hear someone put into words what you continue to observe but can't really understand. Thanks for posting.
• Anonymous said... very helpful thank you.
• Anonymous said... Depressed aspies need counseling. I've found that to be the best solution
• Anonymous said... Hi my newly diagnosed daughter is 14 years old. She also plays "Sims" most of her free time for hrs. She has managed to keep one close friend from Primary School who she meets now & again. They play computer games all day when they meet up. I was just thinking whilst standing washing up a minute ago....the word isolation came in my mind. That's what I feel like as a caring parent so heaven knows how she feels. Just had an hr & half of calming her down after 2 and half hrs at her short stay medical school. She is staying there until age 16 as no other provision available at her age as starting GSCE's. She has been put on Prozac as her depression was getting so bad. It has helped lots. It enables her to socialise for about 3 hrs without meltdown or fatigue. I feel for you.....it is so hard. I am researching, reading all the time about Asperger's. My daughter has started blogging her experiences, passions etc. I hope for her to connect with othet teens with Aspergers over the internet to widen her friend base? Good luck with you son.
• Anonymous said... I know it's not the answer for most people, or even possbile, but just over a year ago I began to home educate my daughter and the change is marked now she is not using all her 'spoons' to deal with copng with large numbers of people she can and does want to socilaize - on her own terms. she is more likely to chat on line with friends that she also meets up or has round now than play the same computer games or just watch her DVDs (and has had two major meltdowns in one year since I took her out of school), She didn't have any firends or want any and rejected fgirls that tried to befriend her while at school. Try to remember your teen is surrounded by too many noisy NTs all day and once removed from the situation will find and make friends on their own terms, so things will improve once they are older. I would also recommend 'Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers' by an Aspie teen Luke Jackson. And don't ever expect a teen with autism to ever socialize as much as NT one, they just won't want to, however many social skills workshops and classes they may have attended, their brain is just wired up differently. If they are unhappy with the situation a club or on line chat room around an interst will give then a shaed interest as a beginning to make friends.
• Anonymous said... Like minded kids help as they're all into similar stuff like minecraft and strategy games or top trumps etc. My lad has 1 firm friend and that's enough. When I was younger I had a few friends -and that's all I wanted. The depression came from deep thought (usually depressing and confusing when you start to wonder how you were born without your own say-so ) or getting worn down with constant punishment for untidy/careless work, arguing with teachers as if you are their peer or forgetting homework/equipment (anything you think is unimportant to you rly) My own insights usually help me deal with my son apart from when I'm in the moment picking at details in an argument - Then I'm just as bad as he is ! I wonder if this rings true with anyone else.. if so maybe I should write my own book Hehe.
• Anonymous said... Mine same but 17yr son. He only has one year of school. I'm trying to get every day filled with at least one outdoor activity. He only has a 3 day week @ school so the other days he has voluntary work for a few hours a day,
• Anonymous said... my daughter does sims all day!!! Also depressed, nearly 13 now, very similar from what you write, we are going through tough times right now...
• Anonymous said... My daughter is depressed.... No enthusiasm for living, for doing things or making contact with others; she must be very self critical whilst comparing herself to other girls of her age who seem to be living without a care... at times she stays in her bed playing on ipad.. just like the other Aspies. So sad to watch.
• Anonymous said... Do your research and find a social skill activity program. Have him volunteer. Limit the video time, offer comic books or graphic novels as an alternative.
• Anonymous said... Find a HFA support group where he can connect with kids like him. My 8 year old has the same issue. If we let him he would play video games all day but we have him in sports. He is a diver. He still struggles with social aspects but he is learning! Get him out and sooner the better
• Anonymous said... I have the exact same issue with my 16 year old son. He doesn't accept his diagnosis, never has, and there is no way he would let me take him to a social group of similar kids..ughh
• Anonymous said... My almost 16yr old is/was exactly the same (except now works instead of school).. Went through months of deep depression , is only coming out of it now.. I think backing off too much pressure helped my son ALOT, he also did not want to join social groups/outings still doesn't. It breaks your heart as a mum to watch them sit in their room or on computer with no friends, but to be honest, he tells me he is happier doing that than being forced out being made to be sociable. I think they all eventually find their feet, grow into their own skin, however you want to put it.. But by me always showing I was there for him and as said previously, taking the pressure off him, he is beginning to show signs of being happy once again . If you ever need a chat, please message me, I completely understand your concern and heartbreak xx
• Anonymous said... My son is thirteen, doesn't like sports and he also doesn't accept a label. It's a daily challenge coaxing him away from screens. In order to keep screen time, he is required to have a daily set amount of social time with the family. My son says has made many friendly connections through his video games.
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Understanding Suicidal Ideation in Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
#### The Unique Challenges Faced by Teens with ASD
Adolescents with ASD often grapple with an array of challenges that can complicate their journey through these formative years. Key characteristics of ASD—such as difficulties in social communication, heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, and challenges in regulating behavior—can significantly impact their ability to navigate complex social environments. For example, while a neurotypical teen might find it easier to connect with peers through casual conversations, a teen with ASD may struggle to interpret social cues, leading to misunderstandings and frustration.
Social isolation is a common experience for many teens with ASD. Due to their unique communication styles and behavioral tendencies, they may find it hard to forge friendships, resulting in feelings of loneliness and alienation. Compounding this issue, instances of bullying in school settings are distressingly frequent, with studies indicating that adolescents with ASD are often targeted by their peers. This victimization can further exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness, laying the groundwork for mental health challenges.
Moreover, during adolescence, societal pressures to conform and fit in with peers can become overwhelming. Teens with ASD may experience anxiety when faced with scenarios that require social interaction or when navigating the often-turbulent landscape of high school life, leading to increased emotional turmoil.
#### Risk Factors for Suicidal Ideation
The elevated risk of suicidal thoughts among adolescents with ASD is influenced by several interrelated factors:
1. **Social Isolation**: The struggle to make friends and develop meaningful connections can lead to profound feelings of loneliness, which can be particularly acute during the adolescent years when peer relationships are often prioritized.
2. **Mental Health Comorbidities**: Research indicates that a significant number of individuals with ASD also experience co-occurring mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders and depression. These conditions, particularly when untreated, can significantly elevate the risk of suicidal ideation.
3. **Bullying and Victimization**: Experiencing repeated bullying can contribute to a sense of worthlessness. This victimization can lead to withdrawal from social situations and exacerbate feelings of despair.
4. **Difficulty with Emotional Regulation**: Adolescents with ASD may struggle to identify and articulate their emotions, which can lead to overwhelming feelings of frustration and the inability to cope with stress in healthy ways.
5. **Challenges with Life Transitions**: Transitioning to high school, moving to a new environment, or dealing with significant life changes can create heightened anxiety and a sense of instability for teens with ASD, potentially triggering suicidal thoughts.
#### Recognizing Warning Signs
Early intervention is crucial, hence it is essential for parents, educators, and peers to be vigilant and recognize the warning signs of suicidal ideation in teens with ASD. These warning signs may include:
- **Expressions of Hopelessness or Worthlessness**: Verbalizing feelings of despair or a belief that life is not worth living is a critical indicator.
- **Withdrawal from Friends and Family**: An observable decrease in social interaction, an increase in isolation, or avoidance of previously enjoyed activities.
- **Behavioral Changes**: Sudden shifts in behavior, including drastic declines in academic performance, increased irritability, or mood fluctuations, could be a cause for concern.
- **Self-Harm**: Any indication of self-injurious behavior should be taken seriously and addressed immediately.
- **Talk of Escaping or Desiring to Die**: Direct or indirect expressions of wanting to escape life or discussions of suicidal thoughts require urgent attention.
#### Providing Support
Supporting teens with ASD who may be experiencing suicidal ideation demands a multifaceted and compassionate approach:
1. **Encouraging Open Communication**: Establishing a safe and non-judgmental environment where teens feel comfortable discussing their emotions and daily struggles can foster a sense of trust and understanding.
2. **Access to Mental Health Resources**: Connecting the teen with mental health professionals who specialize in ASD can provide tailored therapy that addresses their unique challenges and equips them with coping strategies.
3. **Social Skills Training**: Programs focused on enhancing social skills and emotional literacy can empower teens to better engage with their peers, reducing feelings of isolation and enhancing their social competence.
4. **Facilitating Peer Support**: Encouraging participation in peer support groups can help adolescents realize that others share similar experiences, allowing for the exchange of coping strategies and emotional support.
5. **Involvement of Parents**: Parents play a critical role as advocates for their children. Educating themselves about ASD and its mental health risks can empower them to recognize signs of distress and seek appropriate help.
6. **Crisis Intervention**: In situations where immediate danger is evident, reaching out to crisis intervention services or hotlines that specialize in adolescent mental health should be prioritized.
#### Conclusion
Addressing the issue of suicidal ideation among adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder demands a concerted effort to increase awareness and promote understanding. Parents, educators, and society need to acknowledge the unique challenges these teens face and work collaboratively to provide support and resources. By fostering resilience, understanding, and proactive intervention, we can create an environment where adolescents with ASD feel valued, understood, and hopeful for the future. Awareness, empathy, and informed action are paramount in making a difference in the lives of these young individuals, helping them navigate the complexities of adolescence with confidence and support.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
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Defiance in Teenagers with High-Functioning Autism

Raging hormones and frustration with social interactions at school can cause a lot of anger and bad behavior during the teen years, especially for adolescents with "special needs!" Many need counseling to negotiate this time in their lives successfully. Peer-rejection, teasing, bullying, and all other other stressors that your son may have to endure can take a psychological toll, which may in turn influence him to act-out his frustration on a "safe" target at home (i.e., YOU).
Your son is exhibiting rebellious behavior, and this type of behavior fulfills his needs. For example, he may have the need to:
- Avoid responsibility (e.g., attending school, obeying parents)
- Get something (e.g., his way in a decision, your attention, control over a situation)
- Manage pain (e.g., physical and/or emotional stress that must be alleviated)
- Fulfill sensory needs (e.g., relief from heat, cold, or to satisfy thirst)
Having a developmental disorder such as HFA or Asperger’s is no excuse for being verbally abusive. However, it is important for you to understand that some of the associated symptoms do contribute to defiant behavior. Teens on the autism spectrum may display some - or all - of the following characteristics, many of which contribute to problematic behavior:
- the teen may be able to talk extensively on a topic of interest, but have difficulty with more practical tasks such as recounting the day’s events, telling a story, or understanding jokes and sarcasm
- sensitivity to criticism
- preference for playing alone or with adults
- narrow field of interests (e.g., a teen with HFA may focus on learning all there is to know about cars, trains or computers)
- language may be considered to be very advanced or ‘precocious’ when compared to their peers
- lack of appreciation that communication involves listening as well as talking (e.g., they may not allow their communication partner an opportunity to engage in the conversation)
- inability to understand the rules of social behavior or the feelings of others
- difficulty ‘reading’ body language (e.g., a teen with HFA may not understand that someone is showing that they are unhappy by frowning)
- having rules and rituals that they insist all family members follow
- difficulty in forming friendships
- behavior varies from mildly unusual, eccentric or ‘odd’ to quite aggressive and difficult
- apparently good language skills, but difficulty with communication
- anger and aggression when things do not happen as they want
Behavior modification is a therapeutic approach that can change your son’s behavior. You need to determine the need that his rebellion/aggression fulfills and teach him an acceptable replacement behavior. For example, your son can be taught to ask for, point to, or show an emotion card to indicate the need that he is trying to fulfill.
Sometimes, self-stimulating behaviors such as rocking or pacing are taught as replacement behaviors, but it will take time for your son to integrate these behaviors into his daily activities. If your son is severely out of control, he needs to be physically removed from the situation. Granted, this may be easier said than done, and you may need someone to help you; yet, behavior modification can be helpful, and it must be started as soon as possible.
For adolescents on the autism spectrum, the importance of maintaining a daily routine can't be stressed enough. A daily routine produces behavioral stability and psychological comfort. Also, it lessens their need to make demands. When you establish a daily routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your son’s behavior becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give him attention, he may have less need to show aggression to try to get that attention.
Ideally over time, your son will learn to recognize and communicate the causes of his aggression and get his needs met by using communication. Unfortunately, teens who get their needs met due to aggression or violence are very likely to continue and escalate this defiant behavior.
A behavior therapy program may help; however, an individualized program has to be designed specifically for your son because adolescents on the spectrum vary greatly in their challenges and/or family circumstances. Treatment approaches that work well with other diagnoses may not work with HFA. Consult a psychiatrist who can oversee a treatment plan as well as any medication regimen that your son may be need.
In addition to the suggestions listed above, here are a few simple parenting tips that may help:
- Take care of yourself. Counseling can provide an outlet for your own mental health concerns that could interfere with the successful management of your son's defiant behavior. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your son, which can trigger or worsen oppositional behaviors. Let go of things that you or your son did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate. Learn ways to calm yourself, and take time for yourself. Develop outside interests, get some exercise, and spend some time away from your son to restore your energy.
- Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your son. Asking him to help develop that routine can be helpful.
- Set limits and enforce consistent reasonable consequences.
- At first, your son is not likely to be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to his behavior. Setbacks and relapses are normal, so be prepared with a plan to manage those times.
- Remind yourself that your son’s defiance is most likely a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent catastrophe.
- Recognize and praise your son's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible (e.g., "I really liked the way you cleaned up your room tonight").
- Pick your battles carefully. Avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle — if you let it.
- Model the behavior you want your son to exhibit.
- Develop a united front. Work with your partner/spouse to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.
- Remember that behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. However, with persistence and consistency, the initial hard work will pay off with improved behavior.
- Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and your son being together.
- Assign your son a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless he does it. Initially, it's important to set him up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve, then gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.
• Anonymous said... Its so good to not feel alone in this. My son emailed the principle and councilor this week with a page of cuss words, then says "he doesn't remember it". He never talks at home like that. Trying to find alternatives for anger, like using a punching bag. But that day I had no idea he was even upset that is what scares me. Praying lots and lots.
• Anonymous said... My Son doesnt like going outside at all eather!... Not very nice if he's got a little Sis that does want to go and do nice things tho... But tried to take him out today, but it was Far to Busy! Really made him have a Noise overload in his head till now... We'v been back for 10 hours... Must be horrible for him...
• Anonymous said... my son like that as well. Does not want to go outside because the kids are making poor choices
• Anonymous said... Not only does the stew of Aspie issues flare up at new situations and new social expectations. But puberty hits and the hormones kick in like they do in non-Aspie kids. So you get a double dose of Teenage attitude.
• Anonymous said... Puberty makes them begin to resemble something of aliens. lol Seriously though they do become quite difficult. The acting out, cussing, lying, etc., all are magnified x 3 during this time. Counseling and keeping the schedule has helped us. In the end however not much helps lately. Praying a lot. Good luck.
• Anonymous said... There may be commorbid conditions. Mine has ODD and ADHD. But, yes, teens will always test limits. Be thankful he's a boy; ) Deep breaths. And approach delicately. Never demand, request. Always give him time to respond, and make a consequence that fits the "crime" and stick to it. Consistency is key to any austism spectrum disorder. Hugs.
• Anonymous said... We have been through hell with my son since he turned 13 and now he is 16. I try to see the silver lining with him having to deal with ASD - one is that he doesn't want to leave the house because of his heightened social anxiety - so I know where he is at all times! At least he is not out hooning around and making bad choices with other idiot teenage boys. I'm hoping that by the time he is happy to engage again with society he will be dealing with other guys whose frontal lobe has developed (him too).
• Anonymous said... You have to adjust your responses to the outbursts and also reinforce what good choices look like for your child as well as what bad choices look like. The teen years are rough for everyone, but Aspergers and kids in the Autism Spectrum have it even harder. Pick your battles. You do not always have to win an argument. Actively listening and explaining what is going on is the best win for both you and your family.
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