My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens
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Behavior Problems in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens
Handling Aggressive Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder: An In-Depth Guide
Understanding the roots of these aggressive tendencies and developing practical strategies to manage them can create a more harmonious environment for both teens and their families. Below is a comprehensive guide designed to assist parents, caregivers, and educators in addressing aggression in teens with ASD.
Understanding the Roots of Aggression: The Key to Empowerment
To effectively address aggressive outbursts, it’s crucial to identify and understand their underlying triggers:
1. **Communication Barriers**: Teens with ASD often experience challenges in articulating their feelings or needs verbally. This communication gap can lead to intense frustration and, ultimately, aggressive outbursts when they feel unheard or misunderstood.
2. **Sensory Sensitivities**: Many individuals on the autism spectrum possess heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli. For instance, overwhelming lights, loud noises, or crowded settings can lead to sensory overload, pushing them to react aggressively as a means of coping with discomfort.
3. **Changes in Routine**: Adolescents with ASD typically thrive on predictability and routine; thus, unexpected changes—like a switch in school schedules, family dynamics, or even meal times—can provoke anxiety and lead to aggressive behaviors as a reaction to confusion or insecurity.
4. **Emotional Regulation**: Many teens on the spectrum find it challenging to recognize, interpret, and manage their emotions effectively. This difficulty often results in intense emotional responses in situations perceived as threatening or distressing.
5. **Social Interaction Challenges**: Misinterpretations in social situations can lead to feelings of exclusion or irritation. A misunderstanding on the playground or in the classroom can escalate quickly into aggressive actions stemming from frustration or anxiety about social interactions.
#### Strategies for Prevention and Management
1. **Create a Predictable Environment**:
- **Establish Consistent Routines**: Implement daily schedules that are consistent and predictable. Utilize visual schedules with clear timeframes and activities to help the teen anticipate what comes next, reducing anxiety and uncertainty.
- **Prepare for Changes**: When changes are unavoidable, take the time to prepare the teen. Use social stories—short narratives that describe a situation and appropriate responses—to help them understand and anticipate the adjustments.
2. **Enhance Communication Skills**:
- **Alternative Communication Tools**: Invest in communication aids such as picture exchange communication systems (PECS) or mobile applications designed for non-verbal communication, which can empower the teen to express needs and feelings more effectively.
- **Teach Emotion Recognition**: Utilize tools like emotion wheels or feelings charts to help the teen identify and name their emotions. Engage in role-playing scenarios to practice expressing these emotions in a safe and constructive manner.
3. **Develop Coping Strategies**:
- **Introduce Relaxation Techniques**: Teach the teen various stress-relief practices, such as deep breathing exercises, guided imagery, or progressive muscle relaxation, which can help them calm down when they feel frustration mounting.
- **Designate a Calming Space**: Create a "calm-down corner" equipped with sensory-friendly items like fidget toys, noise-canceling headphones, and weighted blankets. This designated space should be a safe retreat where the teen can go to de-escalate their feelings.
4. **Implement Positive Behavior Supports**:
- **Reinforce Positive Behavior**: Focus on and encourage appropriate behavior by utilizing positive reinforcement techniques. For instance, a token economy system that rewards positive actions can significantly motivate a teen to adhere to expected behaviors.
- **Establish Clear Expectations and Consequences**: Clearly lay out what behaviors are expected and what the consequences will be for aggressive actions. Consistency in applying these guidelines will help the teen understand boundaries.
5. **Teach Problem-Solving Skills**:
- **Engage in Role-Playing Exercises**: Conduct role-playing exercises to practice responses to potential triggers or frustrating situations, giving the teen tools to handle conflicts more effectively.
- **Create a “Calm-Down” Plan**: Collaboratively develop a personalized plan with the teen that outlines specific steps to take when they feel overwhelmed, including identifying preferred coping strategies they can turn to.
6. **Seek Professional Guidance**:
- **Consider Behavioral Therapy**: Engaging a therapist who specializes in ASD can provide tailored strategies to help manage aggression. Therapeutic approaches like Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) can be particularly effective.
- **Consult for Medication if Necessary**: For cases where anxiety or mood disorders severely impact behavior, consult with a psychiatrist experienced with ASD. Medication might support better emotional regulation, thus reducing aggressive episodes.
7. **Engage in Family Support**:
- **Participate in Parent Training Programs**: Enroll in programs designed to educate parents on effective management strategies for challenging behaviors associated with ASD, equipping them with coping mechanisms.
- **Join Support Groups**: Connecting with support groups can provide valuable opportunities for sharing experiences, offering insights, and fostering a sense of community among families facing similar struggles.
8. **Foster Social Skills Development**:
- **Enroll in Social Skills Training**: Enrich the teen's social competence by introducing them to social skills groups where they can practice interactions in a structured environment, promoting effective communication and relationship-building.
- **Facilitate Peer Relationships**: Encourage the formation of friendships by organizing activities that allow the teen to interact with peers who share similar interests, ensuring these experiences are positive and constructive.
#### When Aggression Occurs
In the unfortunate event of an aggressive outburst, it is essential to respond appropriately, keeping both the teen and others safe:
- **Stay Calm**: Your composure can significantly influence the situation. Use a soothing tone and body language to reassure the teen while maintaining a calm demeanor.
- **Ensure Safety**: Assess the environment to ensure everyone’s safety, removing any objects that could be used to cause harm during the outburst.
- **De-Escalate the Situation**: Implement de-escalation techniques, such as creating physical distance if needed, softly redirecting their focus, or guiding them to their calming area to promote tranquility.
- **Reflect Post-Incident**: After the situation has calmed down, engage the teen in a discussion about what triggered the aggressive behavior. Focus on identifying key triggers and brainstorming effective responses or coping mechanisms for the future.
Managing aggressive behaviors in teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder requires a thoughtful, multifaceted approach grounded in empathy, understanding, and structured support strategies. By enhancing communication, creating predictable environments, and teaching effective coping mechanisms, parents and caregivers can empower their teens to navigate the complexities of adolescence with greater confidence and resilience.
Education and ongoing support are invaluable—not only for the individuals with ASD but also for their families. Through the implementation of these strategies, challenging behaviors can be transformed into profound opportunities for personal growth, emotional connections, and understanding.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
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The Most Devastating Aspect of Teenage ASD - and How Parents Can Help

Peer-group rejection occurs when a person is deliberately excluded from social relationships among his or her age group. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is common for teens with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA).
Research dealing with the implications of peer-group rejection on later development suggest that AS and HFA teens experiencing continuous rejection often experience a decline in their self-image, a state of despair, behavioral difficulties, loneliness and seclusion – and in some cases, serious emotional disturbances.
- A depressed adolescent loses interest in everyday activities and drops out of social groups at school. Depression is a Catch-22. It can cause isolation, but may also come from a lack of social interaction. For example, Michael (diagnosed with Asperger’s) was depressed when his attempts to fit-in with the boys in his class always backfired. They were sports-minded, but Jack was more artistic. He was mocked by his male peers for his “weird” artwork and eventually stopped trying to win their friendship. Over a period of weeks, he became depressed and began to isolate.
- An adolescent who feels rejected may spend too much time on social networking sites and lose touch with peers. He or she may replace genuine social interaction with chat rooms and conversations with strangers. Adolescents who interact online lose out on genuine social interaction. For example, Craig (diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism) was a computer geek who spent hours chatting online. After months of this, his social skills were under-developed and his understanding of face-to-face interaction was damaged by hours upon hours of Internet use.
- Moodiness and erratic behavior can drive an AS or HFA adolescent away from his peers.
- Shyness can be a cause of social isolation.
- Many young people on the autism spectrum have one particular “special interest,” and may engage in – and talk about – that interest to the exclusion of all other social activities and conversations. For example, Josh was diagnosed with Asperger’s at age 8. He had a particular interest in trains and train schedules, but his classmates found his incessant talk about them boring. They eventually left him out of social activities, which made him feel socially clumsy and unwanted – and resulted in isolation.
- Some AS and HFA adolescents may be ostracized by their peers because they either excel academically or underachieve. Fitting-in is important to teens, but those who stand out are often pushed to the fringes of social groups.
==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens
- high rates of aggressive or disruptive behavior
- high rates of inattentive, immature, or impulsive behavior
- high rates of social anxiety
- increased preference for solitary activities (e.g., playing video games)
- low rates of prosocial behavior (e.g., engaging in meaningful conversation, sharing, etc.)
- “Active rejection” (e.g., bullying, teasing, ridiculing, etc.) is more stable, more harmful, and more likely to persist after the teen transfers to another school.
- An analysis of 15 school shootings between 1995 and 2001 found that peer-group rejection was present in all but two of the cases (87%). The documented rejection experiences included both acute and chronic rejection, and frequently took the form of ostracism and bullying. The researchers assert that although it is likely that the rejection experiences contributed to the school shootings, other factors were also present (e.g., depression, poor impulse control, etc.).
- Peer-group rejection, once established, tends to be stable over time, and thus difficult for the AS or HFA teen to overcome.
- Rejected teens are likely to have lower self-esteem, and to be at greater risk for “internalizing” problems (e.g., depression).
- Some rejected teens display “externalizing” behavior and show aggression (acting-out) rather than depression (acting-in).
- Teens with developmental disabilities are more likely to be rejected, and this rejection may lead to a negative developmental cycle that worsens with time (i.e., their emotional growth becomes stunted).
- Rejected teens are more likely to be bullied.
- Peer-group rejection is believed to be less damaging for teens with at least one close friend.
==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens
4. Seek out activity-based, practical social skills groups designed especially for AS and HFA teens. Participating in such a group, being accepted by group leaders and peers, is probably the most powerful way to allay a teen’s potential despair at not fitting-in socially and not having any friends.
==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
• Anonymous said... I have a twenty year old who was excluded and teased when he was 15. The wound still exist. In college he still does not want friends and only interacts with video game faceless friends. I gave him therapy, support and love. The heart never forgets this pain. I believe this bulling by the next door neighbor boy is something he got over at some level. His social life consist of video gaming. Gaming just feels easier and safer to socially interact with others. Without games he would be alone?
• Anonymous said... I have a very lonely, sad 16 yr old
• Anonymous said... I understand. My son is 15 and i put him in a charter school. He did a shadow tour and told me he wanted to ho there. The school has been very supportive and he's met a few friends. Of course, they had tp approach him.
• Anonymous said... It's heartbreaking seeing my 14 year old son with no friends...even worse was the constant bullying
• Anonymous said... The same with my 12 year old
• Anonymous said... Try finding other small groups or hobby clubs of people with the same interest as your child, a place where they feel they can fit in and belong and have confidence because it is an area of expertise. Through the common shared interest, they can find a social outlet. Check into gaming stores, sometimes they have meetings for those interested in certain games: video games, card games, comic books, etc.
• Anonymous said... very true
• Anonymous said… Great advice, tina...gaming clubs, etc.
• Anonymous said... I am leery of the gaming stores... When I was in NYC we paid a visit to the Nintendo store and what really concerned me was the zombie nature of several grown men around a large white table playing Nintendo games well into the night. I am all for being social, but these men were not being social with each other. It was very off putting and I strongly believe would aid in furthering my son's avoidance behavior. I honestly left concerned...
• Anonymous said... My son is 17. He has never had what most would call a friend. He has had peers who supported him and allowed him to safely socialize with them which he prefers to act however he wants and talk about whatever he wants while his peers tolerate him but .. that isn't real and I don't know how to help. He graduates from high school this year and .. what happens next? He doesn't have the maturity to study/participate in college and his math deficit and desire to build machines, tanks, firetruscks, sirens, etc doesn't lend itself to any jobs so .. just kinda lost.
• Anonymous said... This breaks my heart.
• Anonymous said... we have a 16 year old with similar theme!
• Anonymous said… Just to pick up on the gaming group comment. I can see how it would not be interactive. However, when my son was 13 - 15 he would go to CARD game tournaments (you don't have to take part in the actual tournament) It would lift my heart to see loads of like minded kids chatting and laughing in a way he never did with any other people. Sadly he grew out of the card game phase but I believe it taught him he will not always be lonely.
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Parenting Difficult Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum
==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens
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==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens
Why Your Teen with Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism Prefers To Be Alone
Additional ideas for parenting your “special needs” adolescent include the following:
- Compliment your AS or HFA adolescent and celebrate his efforts and accomplishments.
- Encourage your adolescent to develop solutions to problems or conflicts. Help her learn to make good decisions. Create opportunities for her to use her own judgment, and be available for advice and support.
- Encourage your adolescent to get enough sleep and exercise, and to eat healthy, balanced meals.
- Encourage your adolescent to volunteer and become involved in civic activities in her community.
- If your adolescent engages in interactive internet media (e.g., games, chat rooms, and instant messaging), encourage him to make good decisions about what he posts and the amount of time he spends on these activities.
- Respect your adolescent’s need for privacy.
- Respect your adolescent’s opinion. Listen to her without playing down her concerns.
- Show affection for your adolescent. Spend time together doing things you enjoy.
- Show interest in your adolescent’s school and extracurricular interests and activities and encourage him to become involved in various activities (e.g., sports, music, theater, and art).
- Talk with your adolescent about her concerns, and pay attention to any changes in her behavior. Ask her if she has had suicidal thoughts, particularly if she seems sad or depressed. Asking about suicidal thoughts will not cause her to have these thoughts, but it will let her know that you care about how she feels. Seek professional help if necessary.
- Talk with your adolescent and help him plan ahead for difficult or uncomfortable situations. Discuss what he can do if he is in a group and someone is using drugs or under pressure to have sex, or is offered a ride by someone who has been drinking.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
Cognitive Restructuring: Help for Distorted Thinking in Teens on the Autism Spectrum
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum and Learning to Drive

RE: "Should I force her to?" No. I'm pretty sure that would backfire. When teens get their driver’s license, parents get worried. And this worry is justified! Here are the alarming national teen driving statistics:
- 16- and 17-year-old driver death rates increase with each additional passenger.
- 16-year-olds are 3 times more likely to die in a motor vehicle crash than the average of all drivers.
- 16-year-olds have higher crash rates than drivers of any other age.
- About 2 out of every 3 teenagers killed in motor vehicle crashes are males.
- About 2,014 occupants of passenger vehicles ages 16-20 who are killed in crashes are not buckled up.
- About 2,500 drivers between the ages of 15 and 20 die in motor vehicle crashes every year.
- About 31% of drivers ages 15-20 who are killed in motor vehicle crashes are drinking some amount of alcohol and 25% are alcohol-impaired (i.e., have a blood alcohol content of 0.08 grams per deciliter or higher).
- About 37% of male drivers ages 15-20 who are involved in fatal crashes are speeding at the time.
- About 63% of teenage passenger deaths occur in vehicles driven by another teenager.
- About 81% of teenage motor vehicle crash deaths are passenger vehicle occupants.
- Among deaths of passengers of all ages, 19% occur when a teenager is driving.
- Crashes involving 15- to 17-year-olds cost more than $34 billion nationwide in medical treatment, property damage and other costs.
- Drivers age 15-20 account for 12% of all drivers involved in fatal crashes and 14% of all drivers involved in police-reported crashes.
- Hand-held cell phone use while driving is highest among 16- to 24-year-olds.
- Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among 15- to 20-year-olds.
==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens
==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens
==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens
The Bullying of Teens on the Autism Spectrum
When adolescent bullying meets technology, “cyber-bullying” emerges. Through digital technology, aggressive messages can be instantly broadcast to a wide audience. Senders can remain anonymous or fake a user name, and they can attach demeaning or explicit images. This so-called "electronic hostility" includes any type of harassment or intimidation that occurs through various sources, for example:
- blogs
- chat rooms
- instant messaging
- text messaging
- websites
- other electronic formats
Despite the fact that adolescent bullying happens in so many ways, researchers commonly distinguish several core features:
- hostility thrives on an imbalance of power between the perpetrator and the victim
- hostility is repeated
- hostility is intentional
Bullying can worsen the mental health of all teens – but especially those with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) since they are already dealing with an inordinate amount of stress. Teens that experience adolescent bullying are more likely to report thoughts of suicide and suicidal behavior. All too often, media reports about bullying-related suicides give a face to this extreme consequence of adolescent bullying. In addition, targets of cyber-bullying are more likely than those who haven't been harassed to use alcohol and other drugs, receive school detention or suspension, skip school, or be bullied in person.
Adolescent bullying is also associated with higher rates of weapon carrying and fighting that leads to injury. Investigations of several school-based shootings (e.g., Pearl, Mississippi; West Paducah, Kentucky; Jonesboro, Arkansas; Springfield, Oregon; Littleton, Colorado) pointed to bullying as a factor that contributed to the outbreak of violence.
Many aspects of adolescent bullying resemble bullying among younger children. Still, unique features emerge. For example, adolescents might be reluctant to report bullying to moms or dads or school officials. In one study, adolescents reported a reluctance to talk about cyber-bullying with educators or other grown-ups at school, because cyber-bullying often happens on cell phones, and it's against school policy to use cell phones during school hours. In addition, adolescents may be reluctant to report cyber-bullying to mothers and fathers for fear of losing their cell phone or Internet privileges.
If you believe that peers influence your teen more than you do – think again! Research indicates that your actions make a big difference. Studies indicate that the parent’s behavior can prevent adolescents from becoming either perpetrators or targets of bullying. This effect holds for all forms of bullying.
Consider these specific strategies:
1. Provide a safe, loving and intellectually stimulating home for your Aspergers or HFA teen. Simple activities such as helping with homework and sharing regular family meals have been linked to reduced rates of bullying.
2. Some research links bullying to unsupervised television watching. Also, keep an eye on your teen's online activities and text messages.
3. Teach your “special needs” teen to manage negative emotions by setting an example with your own behavior. Reflect on how you respond to strong feelings of anger, fear or sadness — being careful to identify and accept your emotions, express them without blaming other people, and respond without hostility.
4. Welcome any chance to get acquainted with your teen's peers.
Traditional adolescent bullying tends to decline with age, peaking during middle school and decreasing during high school. Cyber-bullying might be an exception, however. More research is needed to determine whether this form of adolescent bullying becomes less common as kids mature. In the meantime, talk to your Aspergers or HFA teen about adolescent bullying. Even if he or she doesn't confess to being bullied, offer specific suggestions to keep bullying at bay, for example:
- Getting involved in a fight may only lead to more hostility.
- If you're being stalked or you've been physically attacked by a bully, don't be afraid to tell a trusted grown-up.
- If you're in a situation where you think bullying might happen, don't go it alone. Stick with trusted classmates during the school day. If you're walking home from school, find someone to go with you.
- Spend time with trusted friends, or reach out to friendly peers. Make new friends through after-school activities (e.g., music, theater, athletics, etc.).
- Walk tall, make eye contact, and speak assertively to the bully. Just saying "stop" or walking away from the bully — or deleting offending emails or text messages — may be enough.
If your teen admits to being bullied, take action. Start by reassuring your teen. Tell him or her that you'll do everything in your power to help — and you won't revoke cell phone or Internet privileges as a consequence of being bullied. Never imply that getting bullied is your teen's fault. Then do the following:
1. Find out how bullying is addressed in the school's curriculum, as well as how staff members are obligated to respond to known or suspected bullying.
2. Instead of finding blame, ask for help to solve the bullying problem. Keep notes on these meetings. Remember that it can take time for educators and administrators to investigate bullying in a fair and factual way.
3. Start with the teacher who knows your teen well. Ask whether your teen's classroom behavior has changed or if there are any other warning signs. You might also consult a school dean, counselor or other school contact.
4. Write down the details (e.g., the date, who was involved, what specifically happened, etc.). Record the facts as objectively as possible.
If the above steps don't help the situation, or of your teen has been injured or traumatized by continued bullying, consult a mental health provider. You might also consider talking to an attorney. Taking legal action to disrupt a culture of bullying can make your community safer for all adolescents.
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
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