My ASD Child

Caring for an Aspergers (high functioning autism) youngster takes a tremendous toll on the whole family, and neurotypical siblings are no exception. As moms and dads, our exhaustion, stress, and uncertainty about how to respond to the needs of other children can leave us feeling guilty and drain our reserves — and might tempt us to downplay or ignore the impact a youngster's disorder may have on his siblings. By being aware of what neurotypical (i.e., non-Aspergers) brothers and sisters are going through and taking a few steps to make things a little easier, moms and dads can address many issues before they unfold. Family routines and dynamics naturally change when a youngster has Aspergers, which can confuse and distress neurotypical siblings. In addition to fear and anxiety over the disorder, they often experience the feeling of loss of a "normal" family life, and loss of their identity within the family. It's normal for neurotypical siblings to: worry

"Any tips for helping my two older children (not autistic) to have a little more compassion for their younger brother who does have autism? I try to help everyone get along, but it is wearing me out. Playing peace-maker is definitely my toughest job at present. Help!" Parenting in general can be overwhelming. Add autism (ASD Level 1) to the equation, and the job just got tougher! Taking care of a youngster on the autism spectrum can take up the vast majority of the parent's time and energy. From learning everything you can about the condition and what it entails ...to various doctor and specialist appointments ...to seeing about special accommodations both at home and at school, the list of things that must be done can seem endless. Fitting time and effort into more than cursory attention to your neurotypical (i.e., non-autistic) kids who are also under your care can easily fall by the wayside without you realizing it. Sibling relationships can be challenging wh

Question My son is an 8 yr old fraternal twin. He was diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder in the summer of 2018 and was diagnosed with autism (high functioning) in the summer of 2019. He is the oldest of 5 boys ranging from 8 to 14 months. My question is: How do I keep him from physically attacking the baby when he gets frustrated? This has only been happening physically since September of last year, but verbally has always said he hates the baby, wants the baby to die, etc. since he was born. I know it has to do with him feeling he's not getting the attention he wants, but with 5 kids, the youngest being of an age that is very demanding, I don't always get to focus on the 8-yrear-old as much as he would like. Answer Parents of a large family (i.e., 3 or more children) have to deal with personality clashes, attention tactics, and multiple mini-battles, and eventually come to realize that sibling rivalry is one of the inevitable annoyances of

"Any tips for a mom who has to constantly explain to the children who DON'T have autism (high functioning) how to get along with their brother who DOES?  Help!" In most cases, ASD [High-Functioning Autism] is a condition in families where both parents and siblings must learn to adapt and understand the condition at the level they are able.  While moms and dads are learning to cope themselves, it is often difficult to see that there are other children involved—children who may be suffering themselves from the confusion of understanding the nature of the disorder in their family. As a parent, it’s important to understand that kids learn things at different rates and in different ways than adults. They have questions about how to understand the behavior of their sibling that need as much attention as the ASD child needs. As the family grows, more questions will arise, and all of the children in the family need to learn the best ways to adapt to the behaviors of th

"Any tips for helping my 'typical' kids to understand their older brother (high functioning autistic)?" Almost more than spouses, brothers and sisters are thrown together for better or for worse. When a sibling has an autism spectrum disorder, it can complicate that relationship because one youngster lacks social skills and another just can’t figure out “why my brother acts that way.” Tips for Parents— 1. Don’t accept bad behavior from your HFA youngster, and don’t expect perfection from your other kids. That can lead to resentment and acting-out. 2. Fully educate yourself about your HFA youngster, and then inform his siblings on an age-appropriate basis. Know that kids on the autism spectrum find it very difficult to pick up on social cues and often have intense, narrow interests. Even a young sibling can understand that, “Jacob gets upset when we stop talking about trains, but we’re working on ways to make that better.” 3. Realize just as you m

Question How can I help my daughter understand her brother with Aspergers? Answer Kids without Aspergers can have a difficult time understanding their Aspergers siblings. The Aspie seems smart, uses big words that are hard to comprehend, avoids hanging out with the family, and focuses all of his being on his special interest. In many ways, he is a stranger. He does not appear to be disabled; he just seems quirky and embarrassing. Children may need family pep talks and counseling to help them understand and cope with their Aspergers sibling’s condition. Here some ideas to help your children understand their Aspie sibling: • Allow your non-Aspergers kids to help your Aspie with his therapy. Nearly all therapies can be worked on at home for greater progress. Enlist the entire family and multiply your Aspie’s social interaction and progress on therapy goals. • Aspergers support groups offer non-Aspergers siblings a chance to build friendships with other children living

"I would like some tips on how to teach a younger sibling (age 3, not in school yet due to rural location) not to pick up unwanted behaviours from his Aspie brother." You might be concerned that your 3-year-old will pick up unwanted behaviours because he might have Asperger’s Syndrome, also. Asperger’s does, indeed, have a genetic component. New research in the area of Asperger’s has shown that toddler siblings of autistic children are more likely to exhibit the same atypical behaviours as their brothers and sisters with autism, even when they don’t eventually develop the disorder. Andy Shih, PhD, of the Baby Sibling Research Consortium, states that this increases the importance of careful monitoring of high-risk siblings of children with autism (or Asperger’s) for any signs of a disorder. If one should occur, you are well-situated for early intervention. If atypical behaviours occur, but there is no Asperger’s, you will feel relief at knowing that your second ch

A diagnosis of Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning (HFA) not only changes the life of the youngster diagnosed, but also that of parents and siblings. Many moms and dads of an AS or HFA youngster must deal with a significant amount of stress related to expensive therapies and treatments, therapy schedules, home treatments, managing job responsibilities, and juggling family commitments. While some children on the spectrum and their families cope well with the additional challenges that autism brings, for many others, the impact can be overwhelming.  Children with AS and HFA face many issues (e.g., the persistent challenge of trying to “fit-in” with their peer group, frustration at not being able to express how they feel, daily anxiety because they can’t make sense of what is happening around them, etc.). As a result, these kids often develop stress-reducing behaviors that can make them appear odd and/or defiant. Some moms and dads even avoid taking their “special needs” youngster o

Disciplining kids displaying difficult behavior associated with ASD or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) will often require an approach that is somewhat different as compared to “typical” kids. Finding the balance between (a) understanding the needs of a youngster on the autism spectrum and (b) discipline that is age appropriate and situationally necessary is achievable when a few effective strategies are applied. These strategies can be implemented both at home and school. Traditional discipline may fail to produce the desired results for kids with HFA, primarily because these children are often unable to appreciate the consequences of their actions. Consequently, punitive measures may worsen the type of behavior that they are intended to reduce, while at the same time, creating anxiety in both the youngster and parent. Behavioral Diary— Parents and teachers should consider maintaining a diary of the youngster's behavior with the goal of discovering patterns or triggers. Recur