Showing posts sorted by relevance for query self-esteem. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query self-esteem. Sort by date Show all posts

The "Suicide Threat" in Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder

"Can teenagers with ASD Level 1 (high functioning autism) become so depressed that they become a risk for suicide?"

Unfortunately, the answer is ‘yes’. Research reveals a 50% demonstration of what we call “suicidal ideation” (i.e., talking about killing yourself) with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic teens.

When we look at the cases of teens on the autism spectrum who have attempted suicide or talk about committing suicide, the main issues usually revolve around self-esteem and social isolation. Thus, the parents and teachers should be as supportive as possible.

Here are 25 tips to show parents how to be supportive of a suicidal teenager:

1. A teenager who you feel is “high risk” for suicide should never be left alone, if even for a moment. Keep talking to that person, and stay with him or her.

2. Ask if he/she is thinking about suicide.

3. Ask if they have a plan. If so, take them seriously and move quickly to get help. Remove anything that would help them carry out their plan – guns, drugs, alcohol, knives, etc.

4. Depression in one youngster can cause stress or anxiety in other family members, so make sure “healthy” kids are not ignored. Siblings may need special individual attention or professional help of their own to handle their feelings about the situation. 
 
5. Don’t act shocked.

6. Don’t ask “why.” This encourages defensiveness.

7. Don’t bait the suicidal. Don’t say, “I think you’re just bluffing. I don’t believe you.”

8. Don’t be afraid to talk with him about suicide. Talking about it does not make it worse, but better. Be direct. Talk openly and freely about suicide.

9. Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Get support.

10. Don’t give up if your adolescent shuts you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Be respectful of your youngster’s comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.

11. Don’t tiptoe around the issue of teen depression in an attempt to “protect” the other kids. Kids know when something is wrong. When left in the dark, their imaginations will often jump to far worse conclusions. Be open about what is going on and invite your kids to ask questions and share their feelings.

12. Don’t try to talk teens out of their depression, even if their feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Simply acknowledge the pain and sadness they are feeling. If you don’t, they will feel like you don’t take their emotions seriously.

13. Encourage your adolescent to stay active. Exercise can go a long way toward relieving the symptoms of depression, so find ways to incorporate it into your adolescent’s day. Something as simple as walking the dog or going on a bike ride can be beneficial.

14. Get the emotional support you need. Reach out to friends, join a support group, or see a therapist of your own. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, helpless, or angry. The important thing is to talk about how your teen’s depression is affecting you, rather than bottling up your emotions.

15. In order to help a depressed teen, you need to stay healthy and positive yourself, so don’t ignore your own needs. The stress of the situation can affect your own moods and emotions, so cultivate your well–being by eating right, getting enough sleep, and making time for things you enjoy. 
 
16. Isolation only makes depression worse, so encourage your adolescent to see friends and praise efforts to socialize. Offer to take your teen out with friends or suggest social activities that might be of interest, such as sports, after-school clubs, or an art class.

17. It can be easy to blame yourself or another family member for your teen’s depression, but it only adds to an already stressful situation. Furthermore, depression is normally caused by a number of factors, so it’s unlikely—except in the case of abuse or neglect—that any loved one is “responsible”.

18. Just like you would if your youngster had a disease you knew very little about, read up on depression so that you can be your own “expert.” The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to help your depressed teen. Encourage your adolescent to learn more about depression as well. Reading up on their condition can help depressed teens realize that they’re not alone and give them a better understanding of what they’re going through.

19. Let depressed adolescents know that you’re there for them, fully and unconditionally. Hold back from asking a lot of questions (adolescents don’t like to feel patronized or crowded), but make it clear that you’re ready and willing to provide whatever support they need.

20. Living with a depressed adolescent can be difficult and draining. At times, you may experience exhaustion, rejection, despair, aggravation, or any other number of negative emotions. During this trying time, it’s important to remember that your youngster is not being difficult on purpose. Your teen is suffering, so do your best to be patient and understanding.

21. Make sure you take any threat of suicide seriously. Of all the people who have committed suicide, 80% have given some kind of warning.
 

22. Make sure your adolescent is following all treatment instructions and going to therapy. It’s especially important that your youngster takes any prescribed medication as instructed. Track changes in your teen’s condition, and call the doctor if depression symptoms seem to be getting worse.

23. Offer hope that alternatives are available.

24. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your adolescent begins to talk. The important thing is that your youngster is communicating. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or ultimatums as well.

25. You could very well be that voice of hope to someone you love. Most times a suicidal person needs someone close to them to be a voice of hope. 
 
Because of the very real danger of suicide, Aspergers teens who are depressed should be watched closely for any signs of suicidal thoughts or behavior. The warning signs include:
  • Changes in eating and sleeping habits
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Engaging in reckless behavior or having a lot of accidents resulting in injury
  • Fatigue or lack of energy
  • Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
  • Giving away prized possessions
  • Irritability, anger, or hostility
  • Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
  • Loss of interest in activities
  • Restlessness and agitation
  • Sadness or hopelessness
  • Saying goodbye to friends and family as if for good
  • Saying things like, “I’d be better off dead,” “I wish I could disappear forever,” or “There’s no way out”
  • Seeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselves
  • Speaking positively about death or romanticizing dying (“If I died, people might love me more”)
  • Talking or joking about committing suicide
  • Tearfulness or frequent crying
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Writing stories and poems about death, dying, or suicide



Follow-up Question:

"My son Avi is 14 years old. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 9 and since then, has been attending a special ed class within a regular school. He’s generally happy in the class, he has a great teacher and a peer group with whom he can identify and feel comfortable. He is the middle of 7 children. Recently, his 16 year old brother, with whom Avi usually has a fairly good relationship, got frustrated with Avi and told him that if he didn’t change (stop talking incessantly about Pokemon, have better attitude to homework, etc) that he’d never get anywhere in life. Avi sometimes has extreme reactions, but this time his reaction had a new and scary aspect. He lay down on the floor, crawl up the stairs towards his bedroom, breathing heavily and growling “I’m no good, I’ll never amount to anything, I might as well be dead”, and then he climbed on his bed and tried to climb out of the window, as if to jump out. I managed to calm him down, it took about an hour, he took a bath, went to bed and never mentioned it again. I’m not sure if he would have jumped, or if he was “play-acting” the role of a suicidal person (he’s very imaginative) but it was very frightening. My question is: Avi is a fragile personality without resources to deal with a simple insult. How can I speak to him about suicide, when he’s calm, and give him the TOOLS he needs to deal with insults, as I’m sure this won't be the last time that someone insults or offends him?"


Answer:

First of all, I’m very sure he was play-acting and has no intention of committing suicide.

Secondly, he obviously looks up to his older brother and values his opinion (otherwise, he wouldn’t have over-reacted like this). So you may want to have a conversation with your older son that he needs to be careful what he says to his younger brother.

Thirdly, what we are dealing with here is a child with very low self-esteem. I think this is the core issue. Children with Aspergers and HFA have a much harder time with their self-esteem. Here are just a few reasons why:

1. Expressive and comprehensive communication has a direct impact on a child’s self-esteem. These are areas that do not come easily to children on the autism spectrum.
2. The expectations of siblings and the all-too-frequent bullying interactions from many peers can leave an Aspergers or HFA child feeling devastated.
3. The visits to doctors, or speech therapists, or OTs, the testing, and the stream of interventions that we try with them can easily leave them feeling like they're under the microscope, a specimen that warrants investigation, a person who needs fixing.
4. They often perceive the constant correction of their behaviors and their social interactions as criticism
5. Understanding subtle jokes and participating in human interplay, actions natural to their neurotypical peers, further increase their feelings of 'not fitting in' and erode their self-esteem.

Here's how you can play an important role in promoting healthy self-esteem in your son:

1. As parents, we must believe in our children’s value ourselves before we can ever change their minds. These children know when we're faking our compliments or arbitrarily handing out encouragement because the therapy book says we should give 5 positive comments to each correction. 

2. Be a positive role model. If you're excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your son may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your son will have a great role model.

3. Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will go a long way to boost your son's self-esteem. Give hugs and tell him you're proud of them. Pop a note in your son's lunchbox that reads, "I think you're terrific!" Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Children can tell whether something comes from the heart.
 
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

4. Believing in your son involves empathy, walking in their shoes, rather than sympathy; no one wants to be felt sorry for. Each child is a gift, with his own special qualities. We just need to look for these special gifts, tune into the child with our hearts, and bring their essence out.

5. Create a safe, loving home environment. Children who don't feel safe or are abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem.

6. Empower your son to be himself, perfectly okay with who and how he is. Do this by loving him for who he is now, today, not who you think he should become someday. 

7. Encourage your son to share his thoughts and feelings; this is so important and often sheds new light on existing situations. 

8. Explain the disorder to your son when he is able to understand his disorder. Who are we really kidding, other than ourselves, when we pretend a child does not have the autism label, or we try to camouflage it? Who are we hurting? It's the child who is hurt in the long run.

9. Give positive, accurate feedback. Statements like, "You were really mad at your brother. But I appreciate that you didn't yell at him or hit him" acknowledges a child’s feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages him to make the right choice again next time.

10. Go to conferences, read books, research and share information that takes into consideration the many sensory, social, behavioral and communication challenges faced by your child. Armed with this understanding of how the disability affects him, you and others can better find ways to help him fit in. 

11. Help your son become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children.

12. Identify and redirect your son's inaccurate beliefs. It's important for you to identify your son’s irrational beliefs about himself, whether they're about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping children set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to children.

13. Keep your son’s life manageable, refraining from overwhelming him with so many activities that he becomes too challenged physically and mentally to succeed at anything. Like most people, children with Aspergers and HFA feel better about themselves when they're balanced physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 
 
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

14. Provide choices to your son frequently so he understands that he has a say in his own life -- and even let him be in charge sometimes. 

15. Since children on the spectrum are often very picky eaters and gravitate towards junk food, it's important to try supplementing their diet. Also, provide regular physical activity, when possible, to relieve stress and clear his mind. 

16. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect your son’s self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively - but swiftly. 

17. Watch what you say. Kids on the spectrum are very sensitive to their parent’s words. Remember to praise your son not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your son doesn't make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, "Well, next time you'll work harder and make it." Instead, try "Well, you didn't make the team, but I'm really proud of the effort you put into it." Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.

18. Lastly, when we say, "You are great!" to your son often enough, he, too, will believe it and feel valued for who he truly is.
 

 

More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

By

The "Nervous" Child on the Autism Spectrum

There is no doubt that kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are much more prone to nervousness than their neurotypical peers. The nervous child on the autism spectrum is one who:
  • has low self esteem
  • is easily frightened
  • is easily upset by minor inconveniences (e.g., small changes in routine)
  • lacks self-confidence
  • cries a great deal on slight provocation
  • worries about family, school, friends, or activities
  • worries about things before they happen

Nervous kids on the spectrum are often overly bothered or sensitive.  Some may seek a lot of reassurance from parents, and their nervousness may interfere with many of their day-to-day activities. Moms and dads should not discount their youngster’s inability to cope “normally.”  Because nervous kids may also be quiet, compliant and eager to please, their difficulties may be missed.  Moms and dads need to be alert to the signs of excessive nervousness in their child so they can intervene early and prevent further complications.


Here are some tips to help your nervous child to learn to relax and be peaceful:

1. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children. Volunteering and contributing to your local community can have positive effects on self-esteem for everyone involved.

2. Aspergers and HFA kids are generally not helped when moms and dads tell them to stop being afraid of something. What is helpful is an approach in which you acknowledge their fears and at the same time let them know that you will help them overcome these fears.

3. Be a positive role model. If you're excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child might eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

4. Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will help boost your youngster's self-esteem. Give hugs and tell her you're proud of her when you can see her putting effort toward something or trying something at which she previously failed.

5. Comfort your youngster and let him know that you will work on problems together as they arise. He is never alone.

6. Create a safe, loving home environment. Children who don't feel safe are at greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem. A youngster who is exposed to moms and dads who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment and become helpless or depressed.

7. Don’t “jump in” too early to help “fix” your youngster’s problems. Remember to give him lots of time to express his negative feelings around worries and problems first where you are just listening and acknowledging feelings before helping him to figure out a solution.

8. Establish a regular bedtime routine consisting of quieter activities that help your youngster to gradually relax.

9. Establish consistent daily routines and structure. Routines reduce nervousness, and regular daily patterns emphasize predictability. A regular routine will give a sense of control to both parent and youngster. Nervous kids do not cope well with a disorganized, spontaneous family life style.

10. Give positive, accurate feedback. Comments like "You always work yourself up into a meltdown" will make Aspergers and HFA children feel like they have no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, "I can see you were very upset with your sister, but it was nice that you were able to talk about it instead of hitting her." This acknowledges the youngster's feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages him or her to make the right choice again next time.

11. Help your youngster to understand that the negative and pessimistic things she says to herself about herself are not helpful and can influence how she feels and behaves.

12. Help your youngster notice different feelings by naming various feelings she or others may experience. Explain how people show their feelings (e.g., through faces, bodies, words) and that showing your feelings is an important way for others to understand how you are feeling. Help your youngster notice how different feelings “feel” in her own body (e.g., tight hands, butterflies in stomach, etc.).

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


13. Help your youngster with their worries and problems by teaching him how to problem-solve by defining the problem, brainstorming all possible solutions and their consequences, and choosing the best solution.

14. Identify and redirect inaccurate beliefs. It's important for moms and dads to identify their child’s irrational beliefs about himself, whether they're about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping children on the spectrum set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to these children.

15. It is helpful for kids to talk about their feelings; however, talking about feelings is not easy for special needs kids, especially when they are asked directly. It is important for moms and dads to watch and listen carefully for the times when the youngster does express feelings, either directly through words or indirectly through behaviors. At these times, you can help him by acknowledging and accepting his feelings through simply reflecting them back to him and refraining from providing advice or asking questions. When a youngster’s feelings are criticized, disapproved of, or not accepted by the mother or father, his internal sense of self is weakened.

16. It is important for these young people to have limits set and consequences for breaking the limits. Kids feel secure when there are limits setting restrictions on inappropriate behaviors.

17. Learning relaxation skills will help kids feel better when they are anxious, worried or scared. It will also help them learn that they have some control over their own bodies rather than being controlled by their nervousness. One way to help your youngster relax is to encourage slow, deep breathing. Another way to relax is to ask her to alternately tense and relax her muscles. You can also help your youngster use her imagination to relax. Help her to imagine a safe and relaxing place and to notice the good relaxing feelings in her body.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

18. Listen to your youngster and allow him to express his feelings though his fears sound irrational. Let him know he can always talk to you when anything is bothering him.

19. Meet with your youngster’s teacher to find out how he is doing socially and academically and ask for help in getting your youngster to school.

20. Never make fun of, ridicule, scream at, punish, or demean your youngster because of his nervous demeanor. Do not allow family members, or other adults do so either.

21. Provide opportunities for exercise. Exercise is helpful in relieving stress and helping your youngster’s body to relax.



22. Soothing an autistic youngster is a very helpful strategy that moms and dads can use in relieving nervousness. These strategies communicate to the youngster that she is safe and cared for. Verbal reassurances of safety and love, rocking, cuddling, holding, massage, singing, and telling stories are just some of the soothing strategies that moms and dads can use. Moms and dads may be surprised to realize that their kids may sometimes need soothing that seems to the parent to be too “babyish” for the youngster’s age. However, nervous kids DO need extra soothing experiences that relax and relieve the tension in their bodies.

23. Take care of the basic needs of your youngster – especially to prevent fatigue and hunger.

24. Take stock of what is happening at home. Are there stressful situations going on that are worrying your youngster? Are mornings tension-filled as you try to get everyone out the door? Reduce house-hold stress as much as possible.

25. There are many kid’s books available that deal specifically with nervousness, fears and worries. These books can be very helpful for kids as the stories will often model various ways of coping with fears and nervousness.

26. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect your child’s self-esteem. Encourage your child to talk to you or other trusted adults about solving problems that are too big to solve by himself.

27. When your child is feeling nervous, encourage her to engage in activities she enjoys (e.g., playing with a favorite toy, doing a fun art or craft activity, doing something active outside, playing a game, reading a book, playing with friends, etc.). Aspergers kids will often need the assistance and attention of their moms and dads to engage in these fun activities if they are feeling nervous.

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook 

28. While these kids are generally not helped when parents demand that they face their fears all at once, they are helped when parents can gently encourage them to approach feared situations. This is because exposure to feared situations leads to desensitization and reduction of the fear and nervousness. However, approaching feared situations can be difficult for nervous kids since they would rather avoid them. One way of helping a youngster approach a feared situation is to go about it in small steps so that each step is achievable and gradually becomes a little more difficult. Another important strategy for moms and dads is to reward the youngster for trying to approach a feared situation. The boy or girl will also find it helpful to be reminded that the fear will get smaller over time. In addition, kids can be reminded of fears and difficult situations that they have overcome in the past.

29. Severe nervousness in these kids can be treated. Early treatment can prevent future difficulties (e.g., loss of friendships, failure to reach social and academic potential, feelings of low self-esteem, etc.). Treatments may include a combination of the following:
  • behavioral treatments
  • consultation to the school
  • family therapy
  • individual psychotherapy

30. As a last resort, if nervousness becomes severe and begins to interfere with your youngster’s usual activities, (e.g., separating from parents, attending school, making friends, etc.), then consider anti-anxiety medications prescribed by your doctor.

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:
==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

 ==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.


 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
By

Isolation and Loneliness in Teens on the Autism Spectrum

"What can we do as parents to get our teenager with high functioning autism to broaden his areas of interest and not hibernate in his room playing video games ALL DAY. He has very little contact with us and has virtually no friends?!"

Having little contact with family and peers is not uncommon among teenagers with Asperger’s (AS) or High Functioning Autism (HFA), but if your adolescent's isolation is becoming an issue and advancing into a troubling stage, you will want to quickly solve the problem in any way you can.

The adolescent years come with a host of issues for teens on the autism spectrum – much more so than for “typical” teens. Moms and dads often feel at a loss for how to help their “special needs” adolescent when he or she seems lonely, anxious, depressed or out of sorts.

Adolescents with AS and HFA may choose to isolate themselves, or it may happen as a result of bullying or exclusion by their peers. Other common reasons for isolation include the following:
  • Isolation can be caused by the way these teens look, dress, act, or a combination thereof.
  • Moodiness and erratic or volatile behavior can drive AS and HFA adolescents away from their peer group.
  • Shyness can be a cause of social isolation.
  • Some AS and HFA adolescents may be ostracized by peers due to their excelling academically or underachieving. “Fitting-in” is important to teens, and those that stand out may be pushed to the fringes of social groups.
  • The AS or HFA adolescent may spend too much time on the internet or playing video games, and as a result, lose touch with their friends. They may replace genuine social interaction with online gaming where they converse with strangers.
  • Depression is another prime cause of isolation for these young people. A depressed AS or HFA adolescent loses interest in everyday activities and drops out of social groups at school.


Of the reasons listed above, I have found that the biggest reason AS and HFA teens isolate is because they have been bullied, teased and rejected by their peers. Due to their “odd” behavior, these young people are misunderstood and not heard by their peers. They are trying hard to be accepted, but they simply don’t know how to do it. When trying to cope with this rejection, their brain actually goes into survival mode, and they will either become hypo-aroused or hyper-aroused, which means that they will either hide (hypo) or act-out (hyper). These behaviors then can scare peers and parents. This is why it is so terribly important to look beneath the behavior and empathize with the adolescent's emotional state – and then listen to what he or she is saying.

Adolescents with AS and HFA may end up in a situation where they struggle to help themselves. If moms and dads see this happening, they should get involved and encourage their youngster to take positive action to overcome their social problems. Luckily, there are a few ways to encourage your adolescent to become a part of things once again.

==>  Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

What moms and dads can do to help their AS and HFA teens to improve self-esteem, be more socially engaged, and experience less loneliness and depression:

1. Assist your adolescent with setting short-term and long-term goals for herself. Short-term goals (e.g., completing homework each day for a week, filling out two job applications per week, etc.) will help keep her focused. Long-term goals (e.g., getting a driver's license, saving up enough money to purchase a car, etc.) will give her something to look forward to. Reaching goals provides a sense of accomplishment and improves self-esteem.

2. Consider the treatment options for your adolescent's depression or anxiety if those have been diagnosed. Getting proper treatment for these conditions will help your adolescent to stop isolating himself so much from family and peers. Possible treatments may include counseling and/or medications.

3. Create opportunities for your adolescent to volunteer and help others. Providing assistance to others helps improve feelings of self-worth. There are many volunteer opportunities available for adolescents (e.g., visiting people in a nursing home, caring for animals at a local shelter, etc.).

4. Discuss your concerns with your child when she seems more relaxed. Be honest, telling her that you have noticed that she is spending more and more time on her own. Ask her if there is something troubling her. Be tactful and patient. Do not pressure her to talk, but encourage her by speaking softly and gently and by showing relaxed body language.

5. Encourage social activity by signing your teenager up for community sports, arts and crafts classes, or any other activities that he may enjoy that will help him to meet new friends and explore hobbies and other special interests.

6. Encourage your teenager to get some kind of exercise at least 3 to 4 times a week. Staying active can help improve mood.

7. Even if it doesn't always seem like it, your “special needs” adolescent craves your attention and approval. Spend time together doing an activity that you both enjoy, or let your adolescent choose how you spend your time together. Whether it's shopping, watching movies, or going for a hike, the most important thing is to be there and to get your adolescent out of her bedroom for a while.

8. Explore all aspects of your teen’s attempts to isolate himself by keeping a journal. A journal will contain valuable information for a therapist if your child receives counseling at some point in the future. The length of time “isolating behavior” has been going on is relevant. Also, look at your child’s personality. He may always have been a loner, or he may have previously been quite outgoing. Also, note any signs of a lowering or flattening in mood.

9. Get your support team together. There are school counselors and peer-support groups. There is also individual and family psychotherapy that is provided through local mental health agencies. You may also want to have your doctor check out the possibility of any medical conditions as a possibility for isolation or depression. If your teen is physically healthy, the next step will be to bring him or her to a mental health professional who specializes in autism spectrum disorders. The therapist will give your adolescent a screening for depression and guide you through treatment options. In addition, you can contact your local clergy for support. But always keep in mind that the most important relationship is the one between you and your teenager. The professionals can assist and guide, but you can influence your son or daughter in a positive way that will have a life-long impact on that parent-child relationship.

==>  Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

10. Help your adolescent to find her talents. Encourage her to join a sport, play a musical instrument, or join a club until she finds something where she excels. Also, teach her that she does not have to be good at everything, but what she settles on should be enjoyable.

11. Help your teenager to stick to his usual sleep schedule and eat regular and healthy meals and snacks.

12. Increase your adolescent's self-esteem. Sadness and isolation can sometimes be linked to low self-esteem. Give your youngster lots of compliments and positive reinforcement for the things she does well, whether that's a good grade on a test, helping out with a younger sibling without being asked, or a beautiful drawing she created. Look for the good things about your adolescent and the positive things she does, and make a big deal about them! An adolescent who feels good about herself is more likely to want to get out of the house and enjoy life.

13. Intervene if you feel your child’s behavior is troubling. He may, for example, be spending increasing periods of time in his room with the door shut and locked. He may even be neglecting his diet, appearance or studies. The best way to intervene may be to sign your child up for a social-skills training group.

14. Model healthy self-esteem. Show your adolescent the importance of self-praise, and avoid becoming self-critical in his or her presence.

15. Open the line of communication. Without being overly pushy, let your teen know you are there if he needs to talk – no matter what the problem is. This may help you to find out if there are any reasons for his isolation (e.g., school-related stress).

16. Praise your adolescent for her efforts – even if she doesn’t reach her goals (e.g., acknowledgment of hard work in her sports attempts or academic efforts). Praise positive behaviors (e.g., making healthy choices, solving tough problems). Also, teach your adolescent how to respond to failure with a healthy attitude.

17. Stay in touch with their child’s teachers and coaches. Being aware of what she is doing and who she is friends with is very important. It also lets her know that she is important to you. Sure, she may complain about you being over-protective, but so what – you are the parent.

18. Suggest that your teenager keep a journal. Writing about her feelings, drawing, and writing poetry are some of the ways she can express herself. Sometimes she may be asked to do this by her therapist as well, and maybe share some of the entries. Often being able to identify and express feelings will improve how your teenager feels.

19. Teach your adolescent to recognize cognitive distortions and replace them with more realistic thoughts. AS and HFA teens with low self-esteem tend to have a distorted view of themselves and the world. Frequently, they expect things to turn out negatively (e.g., "Everyone is going to laugh at me when I give my presentation tomorrow in class”). Other distortions may include self-blame and becoming overly-critical of anything less than perfection.

20. While some moodiness and isolation is normal, it's important to be aware of signs of more serious problems (e.g., depression, suicidal thoughts). Symptoms of depression include frequent sulking, a change in eating or sleeping habits, lack of energy, and talking about death or suicide. If your adolescent shows any of these symptoms, seek help immediately. Call a therapist or your physician right away for instructions on what to do next if you suspect a serious problem.




Isolation increases an AS or HFA teen's risk of developing mental health problems (e.g., depression, chemical dependency). Thus, parents of these teens need to help them improve their self-esteem and social skills by encouraging them to change the way they think – and how they spend their time. This can be accomplished by using the steps listed above.

==>  Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens


Comments:

Steve Borgman said... What a great article. I liked the suggestion of getting one's teen in a volunteer activity, particularly in an activity s/he enjoys, such as something related to animals, if s/he loves animals. Also, I appreciate the suggestion of connecting with one's child when s/he is more relaxed.

D Marcotte said... Nice article. I would like to add a couple of suggestions. 1. If your teen is interacting with others online that should count as social interaction - i.e. chat rooms, websites or whatever. My daughter who is high functioning does very well online and has friends all around the world. 2. Introduce your teen to other teens on the spectrum - we have found this to be very helpful. They seem to really understand each other in a way NT people just don't. Their friendship may not look like what you expect, but that doesn't make it any less real. I would also like to mention a great website for families impacted by autism, www.asd-dr.com is designed to help families find the treatments, therapists and services they need in the local area. It also has a lot of links to online support through links to organizations, forums and other references.

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Rebuilding Self-Esteem in Discouraged ASD Teens: Tips for Parents

“Dustin, my son with high functioning autism, recently turned 13. He started back to school this week (8th grade) and we are already having some issues. He still has a hard time engaging with other classmates, his personal hygiene is lacking (e.g. hates to shower or comb his hair), and he’s simply not interested in the current fads or topics of conversation among his peer-group. Now he tells us that he’s being teased by a few kids in his class. Last school year, he 'failed' socially and became completely ostracized from his peer-group and felt a sense of general isolation from everybody. It appears that we are going to have a repeat performance of these issues again this time around. He mostly just stays to himself (playing his digital piano and video games in his room). How can I help my son in this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

Due to the fact that the adolescent with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) tends to be a loner, develops odd mannerisms, and has poor people skills in general, he can be shunned from the peer-group and be the focus of teasing, thus resulting in low self-esteem – and even depression.



Here are some symptoms to look for in your HFA son’s behavior when he is “failing” socially:
  • Frequent stomach aches, headaches, etc.
  • Appears depressed
  • Preference for isolation at home or school 
  • Poor academic performance
  • Starts refusing to go to school or skips classes
  • Increase in anger and frustration
  • Disengagement from peers
  • Conflicts at school with peers or teachers

Young people on the autism spectrum possess certain traits - and face certain obstacles - that “typical” adolescents don’t. For example, they: 
 
(a) don’t understand the importance of eye contact – and may avoid it altogether; 
 
(b) have trouble understanding jokes or sarcasm; 
 
(c) seem insensitive or look unemotional, but often they just don't know how to express how they're feeling; 
 
(d) don’t understand socially acceptable ways to express frustration and may become aggressive or throw tantrums; 
 
(e) feel "sensory overload" (e.g., have heightened senses that can make noises seem louder and more startling); 
 
(f) are socially awkward since they have difficulty processing social cues (e.g., body language, sarcasm, humor, figurative language, emotional responses, facial expressions); 
 
(g) have trouble coping with change and may not react well to changes in routine; and 
 
(h) prefer to be alone and may not show an interest in making friends.

Your son, Dustin, needs to decide for himself when he will work on his poor people skills. I’m sure it’s tough for you to sit back and watch him struggle in the social arena, but you should try to let things play out on their own time. To charge-in and assert that Dustin “needs to work harder on developing some friendship skills” will only add to his low self-esteem and sense of being an “odd ball.”

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder 

Possibly, your son is simply not in a head-space where he is ready to make changes (but when he gets older, he may start to feel differently). Some of the reasons why Dustin may not be up for addressing his social skills deficits may include the following:
  • He may be particularly put-off about the idea of accepting help or criticism from you, the parent
  • He may not think there is any hope of improving
  • He may not see himself as awkward, just different
  • He may realize he has some things he needs to work on, but doesn't feel they are a priority at the moment
  • He may recognize he has some social problems, but is ashamed of them
  • He may be perfectly content to stay at home all the time and play video games
  • His lack of social skills may not have cost him enough yet (e.g., the teenager who doesn't need a lot of friends and who is content to spend his free time on the computer is not losing much by being ostracized from the peer-group)

In any event, here are a few ideas that you can use to help your HFA son deal with his social skills deficits:

1. While Dustin may have some real social weaknesses, in other ways, he may be different from the norm in a way that is perfectly valid. Those differences may be tied to social skills deficits, but you need to distinguish between true deficits and normal variations in personality. For instance, there's nothing wrong with being a bit reserved, being uncomfortable in certain social situations, having a unique hobby, having an odd sense of humor, or preferring to spend time alone. Thus, it would be helpful to not come across like you are rejecting Dustin’s core self.

2. Try to avoid feeling disappointed in your son. Maybe you were somewhat popular in school and can't really understand how Dustin seems to be having the opposite experience you did. Maybe you always hoped he would be a great saxophone player or football player, and you can't help but roll your eyes when he spends all Sunday afternoon playing “childish” video games in his bedroom (i.e., games that much younger children might play).

3. Try not to get angry with your son for not realizing he has a problem, or not wanting to do anything about it. True, the problem seems so obvious to you, but Dustin probably doesn’t see things the same way. For instance, he may tell you that it is impossible for him to make friends. His logic and explanations may not make sense to you, but he still seems to believe them.

4. Point your son to some resources (e.g., books, videos, CDs, etc.) that discuss self-help strategies for people looking to develop interpersonal skills.

5. Don’t feel that you have “failed” somehow as a parent because your “special needs” teenager is awkward, or because you didn't step in earlier. You may be prone to feeling guilty or blaming yourself if your son is going through a tough time. The fact is that most HFA adolescents are simply emotionally immature compared to their “typical” peers. After all, they have a “developmental disorder.”

6. Dustin may fare best with one or two close friends with whom he can practice teen social skills and "adult" behaviors. Even one relatively close relationship can make the difference between a depressed, awkward teen -- and one who is beginning to learn valuable social skills with a select few others.

7. It takes time for adolescents on the autism spectrum to improve their social skills. If your son does start working through his issues, don't feel like he is dragging his feet or not working hard enough if he doesn't transform over a period of a few months. In addition, give him space to change at his own pace. Maybe he will be eager about making some changes for a few months, but then get distracted by other things for a while.

8. Don't make your son feel monitored, or that your approval is connected to his rate of progress. For instance, you go to a family cookout and Dustin doesn’t feel like mingling with other family members, but you watch him to see if his ability to socialize has improved. Give Dustin the impression that you accept him for who he is – unconditionally! Of course, you will be delighted for him and share in his success if he makes some positive changes. But if he doesn't, you're O.K. with that too.

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder 

9. If you were socially awkward as a teenager, some of your own baggage may come up as you witness your son struggling. You may frantically want to help him avoid some of the social blunders you made. But, he will need to learn from his own mistakes rather than from yours.

10. If you have already tried to help your son with his social awkwardness, but he shot you down, try to avoid feeling slighted or resentful. Don’t take it personally. He will take a hard look at himself and the changes that may need to happen when the timing is right.

11. If there is a relative or family friend your son may be more open to talking to, mention that person’s name. For example, maybe he will be more open to chatting with his uncle who he looks up to.

12. Pick a moment when you have time to talk and your son is in a decent mood. Tactfully mention that you've noticed that he seems to be having some trouble with __________ (fill in the blank with the problem in question), and that if there is anything you can do to help, you are there for him. He may deny that there is a problem or want the conversation to be over. But even if he gives that response, you can still lay out some options for him.

13. Try to engage your son in an activity or program where there are adult mentors to help him increase his self-esteem and build self-confidence. Research reveals that having just one activity in a teen’s life where he feels successful will result in a higher sense of self-esteem and a greater ability to negotiate a variety of social situations.

14. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling sorry for your son. It's only natural that you want to make his pain go away, but that attitude often results in over-protective parenting that tends to make a bad problem worse (e.g., doing too much for your son to the point where he never learns to do things for himself).

15. Young people on the autism spectrum need extra time to learn and practice adult life-skills, because their “emotional age” is much younger than their “chronological age.” In other words, your son is 13-years-old chronologically, but emotionally, he is probably more like a 9-year-old. So, the earlier you begin helping out in the area of social skills training – the better!

Children with HFA eventually go through adolescence on their way toward becoming strong, focused adults -- regardless of the misinformation you may have been fed. While adolescence is a difficult time for all teenagers, it can easily be much worse for those dealing with an autism spectrum disorder. However, with the right education and support, most HFA adolescents go on to graduate from high school.



__________

As the years go by, are you seeing your HFA or AS child rapidly becoming reduced to a person who is surviving on: anger, being a mistake, depression, hate, isolation, low self-esteem, resentment, sadness and self-hate. Have you heard your  teenager say things like: I'm a mistake. I'm dumb. I'm useless. I hate myself. I wish I was dead. What is wrong with me? Why was I born? If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen! Low self-esteem and behavioral problems go hand-in-hand! 

==> CLICK HERE for help on the matter...


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… I have a 12 year son with HF autism , it has been so difficult to have conversation the past year.
•    Anonymous said… I think online school is the best option. Grooming is tough but my son is Ten and we use a reward system that includes play dates with friends. We also have a support group of 5 boys that also have Asperger's. We get together once a month. It's great to have parents to talk to about the issues that come up. My advice look for local support. Ask him what you can do to help him with his hygiene. Look into online school. Lastly find a career option that he is already obsessed with. Start classes in that. My son is obsessed with video games and he spent the summer in coding camps. You can do this dig deep they need our help!
•    Anonymous said… I wish there were more social groups for kids with special needs to get together. The school tries to offer social skills but it really is no contender for real life relations.
•    Anonymous said… My 15 YO son started 10th grade last week. We moved and changed school districts over the summer and he has decided that he wants to "reinvent himself". I am still having to remind him of showers/deodorant/shave/etc, but it is not he fight it has been in the past. He is conscientious of his clothing and has even shown interest in keeping his backpack more organized. I know it has only been 2 days but I consider it a step in the right direction. I think it helps that he is only doing 3 classes at the high school and then has an hour and a half break before going to 2 classes at the tech school for engineering. He says those are "his people". He came home Friday and a girl at the tech school came up and asked to sit w him during lunch. They talked for a long time before they both agreed that they should say their names and introduce themselves. He was so stimmy and excited when he got home. He said they both laughed when they were talking about how awkward they each were. He got invited into a group text about a class project. It all seems so simple but very few understand how big of a deal this is. Last year, he spent a ton of time in his resource classroom. That was his safe space. I think it gave him some confidence to be around other students like him. I also think that he is simply just ready this year. He has aged a bit and is talking about getting a job. It isn't that has happened in the past by trying to force it, so I am just going with it. He is just finally ready and has loads of resources and copying skills to help him along the way. I hope this gives you a bit of hope that it can get better...it may be on his schedule but that is ok.
•    Anonymous said… my son became suicidal because of school so I took him out and quit my job. we are poor, but he is alive. I do not think children with autism should be forced to conform to neurotypical environments. it becomes a form of child abuse. I am also aware that many parents have no choice, but find an alternative to school for the child's sake. think about it this way, how would you feel being forced to spend all day in an environment where everyone speaks a different language than you, but you were told to Buck up and blend in or bullied. you would leave right? learning the new language would help, but that is like asking a blind person to learn to see so that everyone else feels better when they are around.
•    Anonymous said… Same here....doing home school....showering clothing choices ect...starting high school today....in the diningroom
•    Anonymous said… School. Ugh!
•    Anonymous said… So hard. I engage with my son as much as I can, fortunate enough to be self employed and live close to school so pop in at morning tea and lunch times to check in
He's usually by himself but chooses too. We have family friends whose children also attend and they come up to me to say hi and whether they've hung out with him which is amazing and nice. I dont do it every day, maybe once or twice a week . Really helps keep him focused and I can deal/ chat with teachers anytime too. Communication and participation are vital i think
•    Anonymous said… This is what I am totally afraid of this year. It's going to be a tough one.
•    Anonymous said… This might sound INSANE to other people but the best I have done for my son is find a church with a good kids program. Generally the children in church are just taught to accept differences. They work out the differences easily and don't just toss other kids to the side.... hang in there mama you are doing amazing.
•    Anonymous said… Very similar situation, with a daughter (gr 7). I've got no advice, I'm sorry. But am interested in the advice .
*    Rita said... Acknowledge to yourself and your son that he is wired differently from most people. Stop expecting him to behave and react like them. The book "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison was helpful to my son at age 14. It showed him that Aspies also have some positive differences. Focusing on finding what your son is good at and promoting it will help with the self-esteem. We were fortunate to be able to send ours to computer camp to start learning some marketable skills beyond playing games.

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By

Violent Children on the Spectrum: What Parents and Teachers Can Do

Question

I am a special education teacher. I have an autistic (high functioning) student that hits impulsively. We have tried behavior modification, social stories, sensory exercises, and music therapy. She will say what she did was wrong and we will role play the correct behavior. She still hits and is getting in a lot of trouble. There is no pattern or functional cause. I want to help her but am running out of ideas. Does you have any suggestions??

Answer

There is a great concern about the incidence of violent behavior among kids and teens with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS). This complex and troubling issue needs to be carefully understood by parents, educators, and other grown-ups. HFA and AS kids as young as preschoolers can show violent behavior. Moms and dads and other adults who witness the behavior may be concerned; however, they often hope that the young child will "grow out of it." Violent behavior in a youngster at any age always needs to be taken seriously. It should not be quickly dismissed as "just a phase they're going through!"

Faced with a world in which they find it difficult to interact socially, communicate clearly, and control their own behavior, kids on the autism spectrum sometimes respond with aggressive behavior. Aggression - physical and verbal - is a common characteristic of the disorder, and can be directed toward inanimate objects, moms and dads and other family members, educators, peers, and even toward the youngster herself. An observant parent or teacher can take practical steps to soothe and redirect a violent youngster.

Range of Aggressive Behavior—

Violent behavior in kids and adolescents with the disorder can include a wide range of behaviors. Kids who exhibit aggressive behavior intend to deliberately hurt others. Aggression can manifest in a number of ways including:
  • biting
  • cruelty toward animals
  • destroying public or personal property
  • explosive temper tantrums
  • fighting
  • fire setting
  • hitting
  • kicking
  • pushing
  • spitting
  • threats to hurt others (including homicidal thoughts)
  • throwing objects
  • use of weapons

Factors Which Increase Risk of Aggressive Behavior—

Numerous research studies have concluded that a complex interaction or combination of factors leads to an increased risk of violent behavior in HFA/AS kids and adolescents. These factors include:
  • being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse
  • brain damage from head injury
  • combination of stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation, marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family)
  • emotional problems
  • exposure to violence in media (TV, movies, etc.)
  • exposure to violence in the home or community
  • frustration
  • genetic (family heredity) factors
  • limited communication or problem solving skills
  • low self esteem
  • presence of firearms in home
  • previous aggressive or violent behavior
  • spending time with peers who are aggressive
  • stress
  • temperament
  • use of drugs and/or alcohol

What are the "red flags" for aggressive behavior in kids?

Kids on the spectrum who have several risk factors and show the following behaviors should be carefully evaluated by a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist:
  • Becoming easily frustrated
  • Extreme impulsiveness
  • Extreme irritability
  • Frequent loss of temper or meltdowns
  • Intense anger

Moms and dads and educators should be careful not to minimize these behaviors in kids.

What can be done if a youngster shows aggressive behavior?

Whenever a mother/father or other adult is concerned, they should immediately arrange for a comprehensive evaluation by a qualified mental health professional. Early treatment by a professional can often help. The goals of treatment typically focus on helping the youngster to:
  • accept consequences
  • be responsible for his/her actions
  • express anger and frustrations in appropriate ways
  • learn how to control his/her anger

In addition, family conflicts, school problems, and community issues must be addressed.

Can anything prevent aggressive behavior in this population?

Research studies have shown that much violent behavior can be decreased or even prevented if the above risk factors are significantly reduced or eliminated. Most importantly, efforts should be directed at dramatically decreasing the exposure of kids and adolescents to violence in the home, community, and through the media. Clearly, violence leads to violence.

In addition, the following strategies can lessen or prevent violent behavior:
  • Early intervention programs for violent youngsters
  • Monitoring the child's viewing of violence on TV/videos/movies
  • Prevention of child abuse (use of programs such as parent training, family support programs, etc.)
  • Sex education and parenting programs for adolescents

Treatment—

To be effective, treatment approaches for aggressive children need to take these factors into account:

• ‘Me against the world’ attitude. Kids who become aggressive have often learned to see the world as a cold and hostile place. They develop a habit of thought that attributes hostile intentions to others. This attitude leaves them little choice but to fight virtually all the time. If, for example, another youngster bumps up against them in the hallway at school, they immediately take offense, certain that they were attacked. They cannot imagine that perhaps the bumping was just clumsiness on the other youngster's part or an attempt to tease that really wasn't hostile.

• Always the victim. Even while they are the aggressors, aggressive children almost always think of themselves as victims--of unfair educators, of other bullies, of prejudice--and believe that their aggressive acts are therefore totally justified.

• Distorted thinking. Aggressive kids come to believe that overpowering another child is a mark of strength and worth, and that violence is a legitimate way to resolve conflict. Popular media support this idea, with wrestlers who pound their opponents without mercy and so-called action heroes who slaughter foes by the truckload. For good or bad, the government unwittingly encourages the idea that "might makes right" when it engages in shows of strength celebrating the Army and police. Aggressive kids needn't look far for evidence that force is what really counts.

• Never safe. The violent youngster sees the world as an unsafe place in which there are only victims and victimizers, so he (unconsciously) chooses to be one of the latter. The power and delight he takes in hurting others, in combination with his already numbed emotions, can make for a lethal mixture.

• Self-esteem. For some kids, violence toward other kids may be a powerful source of self-esteem, particularly if they lack other confirmation of their human worth. In many cases, the problem is not lack of self-esteem as much as lack of self-esteem related to positive, peaceful accomplishments.

• The loss of empathy. Aggressive kids often don't even recognize (much less feel) the suffering of others. Empathy develops early in infancy. Most nine-month-old infants register concern if they see their moms and dads crying, for example. Kids who have been emotionally traumatized learn to protect themselves from further emotional damage by shutting off their own feelings along with any empathic feelings they might have for others.

Specific Strategies for Parents and Teachers—

• Acknowledge your child’s feelings while setting boundaries. Maintain eye contact with your youngster and find ways to help him verbalize his anger. Let him know that it’s okay to be angry but hurting others in not acceptable behavior. You can say, "I understand that you’re angry but I expect you to (state the boundary)."

• Acknowledge your role. When one youngster is acting out, the family will blame him for the family's dysfunction. Oftentimes, you will see a family that will present a disruptive youngster for treatment ... this is the sacrificial lamb for the family's toxicity. Parents need to examine their own behavior, and if need be, the entire family should seek counseling.

• Be selective about the types of television programs your kids watch. Don’t let them view shows that depict violence as humorous, or as a way to deal with problems.

• Clearly State Expectations. Power struggles will be reduced when the youngster knows what is expected of him.

• Don't get into a power struggle with a youngster. Sometimes aggressive kids know that if they struggle long enough with their parents (e.g., yelling, screaming, throwing temper tantrums in a crowded store, etc.), they will get their way. Be firm in disciplining your youngster and let them know that there boundaries that they have to observe.

• Evaluate Outside Influences. If aggressive behavior has developed suddenly or has gotten worse over time, then find out if the youngster has a food allergy. Other factors to consider are environmental conditions, change in medication or a change in the home or school setting. Some drugs cause aggression. Seasonal or food allergies can cause discomfort that the youngster can't describe, leading to extreme behavior.

• Every youngster has currency. Use it! There's not a youngster born that doesn't have currency, whether it's toys, clothes, games, or television. Access to this "currency" needs to be contingent upon proper behavior (e.g., if a youngster throws a temper tantrum in a crowded store, he should not be rewarded with a toy or a coloring book). He needs to (a) understand the consequences of his behavior, (b) be able to predict the consequences of his actions with 100% accuracy.

• Identify Triggers to Aggression. Sometimes violent outbursts are predictable. For example, does wearing a warm winter sweater cause him to become angry? Maybe the fabric feels uncomfortable against his skin, or the smell of the drier sheet is offensive to him. Examine every component of a situation that seems to trigger aggressive actions and making adjustments.

• If you know that your child is prone to frequent aggressive outbursts, always be prepared to avert trouble by sticking close by when he is playing with others.

• Maintain a unified front. Sometimes aggressive kids know that if they engage in "divide and conquer" tactics with their parents, they will be able to get their way. If you're together, if you're unified and if you're there for each other, then all of a sudden there's strength in numbers.

• Make sure that your kids have opportunities to expend excess energy by getting plenty of physical activity each day.

• Obtain a proper diagnosis from a psychologist. Many times, mothers/fathers are quick to make evaluations of their kid's unruly behavior, such as blaming aggressiveness on ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Parents need to revisit their evaluations, because a youngster's violence may be stemming from other issues. Don't make judgments until you get to the root of the problem.

• One of the best ways to teach your youngster nonviolence is to control your own temper. If you express your anger in quiet, peaceful ways, he’ll probably follow your example.

• Reduce Stress. Sometimes stress over not being able to verbalize frustration causes aggressive behavior. If a youngster is angry that he can't button his coat, but is unable to describe how he feels about lacking that skill, he could act out inappropriately. Examining the root problem and addressing it may help to curb angry behavior. Calm reactions on the part of the parent or teacher are important here.

• Remove kids from the stimulant that triggers violent outbursts.

• Seek a Doctor's Advice. Medication may be needed, especially if the youngster's behavior is hazardous to him or those around him. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has not approved a medication specifically for HFA or AS. But some drugs used to treat other conditions have been shown to be useful in treating young people with an autism spectrum disorder. A health care professional can help you determine whether medication will be helpful for your aggressive youngster.

• Simplify the Environment. Arrange furniture in a sensible way for the youngster so that he can easily maneuver through rooms. If a youngster often tries to escape through a certain door, change the path of the room so that he is unlikely to go near that door. Keep surfaces clear, taking special care to place breakables and dangerous or messy items out of reach. Organize and structure the youngster's living space to minimize frustration. Again, labels can help the youngster understand where things belong and make him less likely to become overwhelmed or anxious. Restrict access to items that tend to cause power struggles.

• Since kids tend to repeat behaviors that are reinforced, it is important for you to provide them with consistent, positive attention for behaviors that are acceptable.

• Stop being intimidated by your youngster. Many moms and dads are afraid to discipline an unruly youngster for fear that their youngster will hate them for being an authority figure. Your youngster doesn't have to like you or even love you, but he does have to respect the parent-youngster relationship and realize that there will be consequences for negative actions. Recognize that you don't have to be your youngster's friend, but you do have to be his parent.

• Your surroundings can set the tone for calm or chaos. So minimize stress levels in the immediate environment.

Pharmacologic Treatment of Aggression—

Medications are frequently used in the management of aggression, and current psychopharmacologic treatment strategies involve treating aggression as part of each particular syndrome.

• Antidepressants— Antidepressants reduce fear, irritability, and anxiety, emotions that are in the same spectrum as agitation. Current findings point to decreases in negative mood and aggressive attacks, as well as positive changes in personality traits after antidepressant treatment.

• Antipsychotics— Antipsychotic medications are not recommended for people who do not have a psychotic or bipolar disorder. Lorazepam or another nonspecific sedating agent is preferred.

• Benzodiazepines— Lorazepam is a good choice to treat acute agitation or aggression, particularly when the cause is not clear. Benzodiazepines also have a risk for abuse, and therefore should not be used on a regular basis.

• Beta Blockers— Beta-adrenergic blockers, especially propranolol, have been used to treat aggressive behavior in a number of diagnoses, including autism.

• Mood Stabilizers— Mood stabilizers are primarily used for the treatment of bipolar disorder and as an adjunct treatment for schizophrenia. They are also used to treat aggression, although they are not prototypical for this purpose.

Before prescribing medication for aggression, the clinician should ensure that the child or adolescent has a medical evaluation to rule out contraindications to treatment and to determine whether the aggressive symptoms might improve without the use of drugs (e.g., cognitive-behavioral therapy). Psychiatric evaluation is also necessary to determine whether depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or other problems are present. Treatment of these conditions may also result in reduced symptoms of aggression.

==> Preventing Aggressive Behavior in Aspergers and HFA Children
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