Showing posts sorted by date for query parent care. Sort by relevance Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by date for query parent care. Sort by relevance Show all posts

Watching for Signs of High-Functioning Autism in Your Child

“I’ve known for some time that something is not quite right with my child, and I’m starting to wonder if he has an autism spectrum disorder. What should I look for?”

Learn the signs, and act early. Find out if your son’s development is on track, and learn the signs of developmental delays. Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving "bye bye" are called developmental milestones. Kids reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, behave, and move (e.g., crawling, walking, etc.). Track your son’s development and act early if you have a concern.

Here are the milestones that parents should look for if they are trying to track the possibility of an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in their child (ages 2 months - 5 years):

Baby at Two Months—

What most babies do at this age:
  • Begins to act bored (cries, fussy) if activity doesn’t change
  • Begins to follow things with eyes and recognize people at a distance
  • Begins to smile at people
  • Can briefly calm himself (may bring hands to mouth and suck on hand)
  • Can hold head up and begins to push up when lying on tummy
  • Coos, makes gurgling sounds
  • Makes smoother movements with arms and legs
  • Pays attention to faces
  • Tries to look at parent
  • Turns head toward sounds

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t hold head up when pushing up when on tummy
  • Doesn’t bring hands to mouth
  • Doesn’t respond to loud sounds
  • Doesn’t smile at people
  • Doesn’t watch things as they move


What most babies do at this age:
  • Babbles with expression and copies sounds he hears
  • Begins to babble
  • Brings hands to mouth
  • Can hold a toy and shake it and swing at dangling toys
  • Copies some movements and facial expressions, like smiling or frowning
  • Cries in different ways to show hunger, pain, or being tired
  • Follows moving things with eyes from side to side
  • Holds head steady, unsupported
  • Lets you know if she is happy or sad
  • Likes to play with people and might cry when playing stops
  • May be able to roll over from tummy to back
  • Pushes down on legs when feet are on a hard surface
  • Reaches for toy with one hand
  • Recognizes familiar people and things at a distance
  • Responds to affection
  • Smiles spontaneously, especially at people
  • Uses hands and eyes together, such as seeing a toy and reaching for it
  • Watches faces closely
  • When lying on stomach, pushes up to elbows

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t hold head steady
  • Doesn’t bring things to mouth
  • Doesn’t coo or make sounds
  • Doesn’t push down with legs when feet are placed on a hard surface
  • Doesn’t smile at people
  • Doesn’t watch things as they move
  • Has trouble moving  one or both eyes in all directions

Your Baby at Six Months—

What most babies do at this age:
  • Begins to pass things from one hand to the other
  • Begins to say consonant sounds (jabbering with “m,” “b”)
  • Begins to sit without support
  • Brings things to mouth
  • Knows familiar faces and begins to know if someone is a stranger
  • Likes to look at self in a mirror
  • Likes to play with others, especially parents
  • Looks around at things nearby
  • Makes sounds to show joy and displeasure
  • Responds to other people’s emotions and often seems happy
  • Responds to own name
  • Responds to sounds by making sounds
  • Rocks back and forth, sometimes crawling backward before moving forward
  • Rolls over in both directions (front to back, back to front)
  • Shows curiosity about things and tries to get things that are out of reach
  • Strings vowels together when babbling (“ah,” “eh,” “oh”) and likes taking turns with parent while making sounds
  • When standing, supports weight on legs and might bounce

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Doesn’t laugh or make squealing sounds
  • Doesn’t make vowel sounds (“ah”, “eh”, “oh”)
  • Doesn’t respond to sounds around him
  • Doesn’t roll over in either direction
  • Doesn’t try to get things that are in reach
  • Has difficulty getting things to mouth
  • Seems very floppy, like a rag doll
  • Seems very stiff, with tight muscles
  • Shows no affection for caregivers


What most babies do at this age:
  • Can get into sitting position
  • Copies sounds and gestures of others
  • Crawls
  • Has favorite toys
  • Looks  for things he sees you hide
  • Makes a lot of different sounds like “mamamama” and “bababababa”
  • May be afraid of strangers
  • May be clingy with familiar adults
  • Moves things smoothly from one hand to the other
  • Picks up things like cereal o’s between thumb and index finger
  • Plays peek-a-boo
  • Pulls to stand
  • Puts things in her mouth
  • Sits without support
  • Stands, holding on
  • Understands “no”
  • Uses fingers to point at things
  • Watches the path of something as it falls

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  •  Doesn’t babble (“mama”, “baba”, “dada”)
  • Doesn’t bear weight on legs with support
  • Doesn’t look where you point
  • Doesn’t play any games involving back-and-forth play
  • Doesn’t respond to own name
  • Doesn’t seem to recognize familiar people
  • Doesn’t sit with help
  • Doesn’t transfer toys from one hand to the other


Your Youngster at One Year—

What most kids do at this age:
  • Bangs two things together
  • Copies gestures
  • Cries when mom or dad leaves
  • Explores things in different ways, like shaking, banging, throwing
  • Finds hidden things easily
  • Follows simple directions like “pick up the toy”
  • Gets to a sitting position without help
  • Hands you a book when he wants to hear a story
  • Has favorite things and people
  • Is shy or nervous with strangers
  • Lets things go without help
  • Looks at the right picture or thing when it’s named
  • Makes sounds with changes in tone (sounds more like speech)
  • May stand alone
  • May take a few steps without holding on
  • Plays games such as “peek-a-boo” and “pat-a-cake”
  • Pokes with index (pointer) finger
  • Pulls up to stand, walks holding on to furniture (“cruising”)
  • Puts out arm or leg to help with dressing
  • Puts things in a container, takes things out of a container
  • Repeats sounds or actions to get attention
  • Responds to simple spoken requests
  • Says “mama” and “dada” and exclamations like “uh-oh!”
  • Shows fear in some situations
  • Starts to use things correctly; for example, drinks from a cup, brushes hair
  • Tries to say words you say
  • Uses simple gestures, like shaking head “no” or waving “bye-bye”

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t stand when supported
  • Doesn’t crawl
  • Doesn’t learn gestures like waving or shaking head
  • Doesn’t point to things
  • Doesn’t say single words like “mama” or “dada”
  • Doesn’t search for things that she sees you hide
  • Loses skills he once had

Your Youngster at Eighteen Months—

What most kids do at this age:
  • Can follow 1-step verbal commands without any gestures; for example, sits when you say “sit down”
  • Can help undress herself
  • Drinks from a cup
  • Eats with a spoon
  • Explores alone but with parent close by
  • Knows what ordinary things are for; for example, telephone, brush, spoon
  • Likes to hand things to others as play
  • May be afraid of strangers
  • May cling to caregivers in new situations
  • May have temper tantrums
  • May walk up steps and run
  • Plays simple pretend, such as feeding a doll
  • Points to get the attention of others
  • Points to one body part
  • Points to show others something interesting
  • Points to show someone what he wants
  • Pulls toys while walking
  • Says and shakes head “no”
  • Says several single words
  • Scribbles on his own
  • Shows affection to familiar people
  • Shows interest in a doll or stuffed animal by pretending to feed
  • Walks alone

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t walk
  • Doesn’t copy others
  • Doesn’t gain new words
  • Doesn’t have at least 6 words
  • Doesn’t know what familiar things are for
  • Doesn’t notice or mind when a caregiver leaves or returns
  • Doesn’t point to show things to others
  • Loses skills he once had


What most kids do at this age:
  • Begins to run
  • Begins to sort shapes and colors
  • Builds towers of 4 or more blocks
  • Climbs onto and down from furniture without help
  • Completes sentences and rhymes in familiar books
  • Copies others, especially adults and older kids
  • Finds things even when hidden under two or three covers
  • Follows simple instructions
  • Follows two-step instructions such as “Pick up your shoes and put them in the closet.”
  • Gets excited when with other kids
  • Kicks a ball
  • Knows names of familiar people and body parts
  • Makes or copies straight lines and circles
  • Might use one hand more than the other
  • Names items in a picture book such as a cat, bird, or dog
  • Plays mainly beside other kids, but is beginning to include other kids, such as in chase games
  • Plays simple make-believe games
  • Points to things in a book
  • Points to things or pictures when they are named
  • Repeats words overheard in conversation
  • Says sentences with 2 to 4 words
  • Shows defiant behavior (doing what he has been told not to)
  • Shows more and more independence
  • Stands on tiptoe
  • Throws ball overhand
  • Walks up and down stairs holding on

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Doesn’t copy actions and words
  • Doesn’t follow simple instructions
  • Doesn’t know what to do with common things, like a brush, phone, fork, spoon
  • Doesn’t use 2-word phrases (for example, “drink milk”)
  • Doesn’t walk steadily
  • Loses skills she once had

Your Youngster at Three Years—

What most kids do at this age:
  • Builds towers of more than 6 blocks
  • Can name most familiar things
  • Can work toys with buttons, levers, and moving parts
  • Carries on a conversation using 2 to 3 sentences
  • Climbs well
  • Copies a circle with pencil or crayon
  • Copies adults and friends
  • Does puzzles with 3 or 4 pieces
  • Dresses and undresses self
  • Follows instructions with 2 or 3 steps
  • May get upset with major changes in routine
  • Names a friend
  • Pedals a tricycle (3-wheel bike)
  • Plays make-believe with dolls, animals, and people
  • Runs easily
  • Says first name, age, and sex
  • Says words like “I,” “me,”  “we,” and “you” and some plurals (cars, dogs, cats)
  • Screws and unscrews jar lids or turns door handle
  • Separates easily from mom and dad
  • Shows a wide range of emotions
  • Shows affection for friends without prompting
  • Shows concern for crying friend
  • Takes turns in games
  • Talks well enough for strangers to understand most of the time
  • Turns book pages one at a time
  • Understands the idea of “mine” and “his” or “hers”
  • Understands what “two” means
  • Understands words like “in,” “on,” and “under”
  • Walks up and down stairs, one foot on each step

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t work simple toys (such as peg boards, simple puzzles, turning handle)
  • Doesn’t make eye contact
  • Doesn’t play pretend or make-believe
  • Doesn’t speak in sentences
  • Doesn’t understand simple instructions
  • Doesn’t want to play with other kids or with toys
  • Drools or has very unclear speech
  • Falls down a lot or has trouble with stairs
  • Loses skills he once had


Your Youngster at Four Years—

What most kids do at this age:
  • Can say first and last name
  • Catches a bounced ball most of the time
  • Cooperates with other kids
  • Draws a person with 2 to 4 body parts
  • Enjoys doing new things
  • Hops and stands on one foot up to 2 seconds
  • Is more and more creative with make-believe play
  • Knows some basic rules of grammar, such as correctly using “he” and “she”
  • Names some colors and some numbers
  • Often can’t tell what’s real and what’s make-believe
  • Plays “Mom” and “Dad”
  • Plays board or card games
  • Pours, cuts with supervision, and mashes own food
  • Remembers parts of a story
  • Sings a song or says a poem from memory such as the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” or the “Wheels on the Bus”
  • Starts to copy some capital letters
  • Starts to understand time
  • Talks about what she likes and what she is interested in
  • Tells stories
  • Tells you what he thinks is going to happen next in a book
  • Understands the idea of “same” and “different”
  • Understands the idea of counting
  • Uses scissors
  • Would rather play with other kids than by himself

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t jump in place
  • Can’t retell a favorite story
  • Doesn’t follow 3-part commands
  • Doesn’t understand “same” and “different”
  • Doesn’t use “me” and “you” correctly
  • Has trouble scribbling
  • Ignores other kids or doesn’t respond to people outside the family
  • Loses skills he once had
  • Resists dressing, sleeping, and using the toilet
  • Shows no interest in interactive games or make-believe
  • Speaks unclearly


What most kids do at this age:
  • Wants to please friends
  • Wants to be like friends
  • More likely to agree with rules
  • Likes to sing, dance, and act
  • Shows concern and sympathy for others
  • Is aware of gender
  • Can tell what’s real and what’s make-believe
  • Shows more independence (for example, may visit a next-door neighbor by himself)
  • Is sometimes demanding and sometimes very cooperative
  • Speaks very clearly
  • Tells a simple story using full sentences
  • Uses future tense; for example, “Grandma will be here.”
  • Says name and address
  • Counts 10 or more things
  • Can draw a person with at least 6 body parts
  • Can print some letters or numbers
  • Copies a triangle and other geometric shapes
  • Knows about things used every day, like money and food
  • Stands on one foot for 10 seconds or longer
  • Hops; may be able to skip
  • Can do a somersault
  • Uses a fork and spoon and sometimes a table knife
  • Can use the toilet on her own
  • Swings and climbs

Act early by talking to your youngster’s pediatrician if your youngster:
  • Can’t brush teeth, wash and dry hands, or get undressed without help
  • Can’t give first and last name
  • Can’t tell what’s real and what’s make-believe
  • Doesn’t draw pictures
  • Doesn’t play a variety of games and activities
  • Doesn’t respond to people, or responds only superficially
  • Doesn’t show a wide range of emotions
  • Doesn’t talk about daily activities or experiences
  • Doesn’t use plurals or past tense properly
  • Is easily distracted, has trouble focusing on one activity for more than 5 minutes
  • Loses skills he once had
  • Shows extreme behavior (unusually fearful, aggressive, shy or sad)
  • Unusually withdrawn and not active

A word about the importance of further research:

We need to know how many kids have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) so that realistic plans can be made to support these youngsters and their parents. Knowing the number of kids who have ASDs is the key to promoting awareness of the disorder, helping teachers and health-care providers to plan and coordinate service delivery, and identifying important clues for further research. If service providers are not prepared to meet the needs of children with ASD, it takes a toll on families.

Families living with ASD have unique stresses. For example:
  • Annual medical expenditures per youngster with an ASD range from $2,100 to $11,200.
  • Intensive behavioral interventions for a youngster with an ASD can cost from $40,000 to $60,000 per year.
  • Many parents report having to stop work to care for their child with an ASD.
  • The cost to individual families extends into lost productivity and other financial problems for communities.
  • The nonmedical costs of special education for a youngster with an ASD are about $13,000 per year.
  • Therapies are expensive and families spend time on long waiting lists.

Researchers have used different ways to estimate the prevalence of ASD, and each method has advantages and disadvantages. Here’s a summary of each method:

1. Administrative Data: Looking at service records from Medicare and agencies like the U.S. Department of Education. Relatively low cost, BUT underestimates prevalence because not all kids with ASDs are receiving services for their conditions.

2. Population Screening and Evaluation: Screening and evaluating a sample of all kids in a population. Can provide high accuracy, BUT can be costly and time-consuming, and might reflect a bias based on who participates.

3. Registries: Voluntarily including oneself (or one’s son or daughter) on a list of individuals with ASDs. Relatively low cost, BUT time consuming and includes only people with a clear diagnosis and families who know about the registry and are willing to be on the list.

4. Systematic Record Review: Cost-effectively provides estimate of the prevalence of ASDs from large communities and identifies kids who might not have a clear ASD diagnosis already; BUT, it relies on the quality and quantity of information in records.

Key findings from the most recent research:
  • A small percentage of kids who are born prematurely or with low birth weight are at a greater risk for having ASDs.
  • About 1 in 88 kids have ASD, although some estimates say it is closer to 1 in 50.
  • About 10% of kids with ASDs also have been identified as having Down syndrome, fragile X syndrome, tuberous sclerosis, or other genetic and chromosomal disorders.
  • Almost five times as many boys are being identified with ASDs as girls (1 in 54 compared to 1 in 252).
  • ASDs tend to occur more often among children who have certain genetic or chromosomal conditions.
  • Both genetic and non-genetic factors play a role in whether or not a child will have an ASD.
  • Kids born to older parents also are at a higher risk of having an ASD.
  • Kids who have a sibling or parent with an ASD are at a higher risk of having an ASD.
  • More kids are diagnosed at earlier ages—a growing number of them by 3 years of age. Still, most kids are not diagnosed until after they are 4 years of age.
  • More kids than ever before are being diagnosed with ASDs, but they are not being diagnosed as early as they could be.
  • The emotional and financial tolls on families and communities are staggering, and therapies can cost thousands of dollars.
  • The largest increases over time have been among Hispanic and Black kids. Some of this may be due to better screening and diagnosis.
  • The majority (62%) of kids identified as having ASDs do not have intellectual disability.
  • When taken during pregnancy, the prescription drugs valproic acid and thalidomide have been linked with a higher risk of ASDs. 

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:  

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

 ==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
By

Obsessions in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Why is my 6-year-old son (high functioning autistic) so engrossed in Minecraft, and how can I tell if it is an unhealthy obsession rather than just a fun time activity for him?"

The intensity and duration of the child’s interest in a particular topic, object or collection is what determines whether or not it has become an “obsession.” Children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) will often learn a lot about a thing they are obsessed with, be intensely interested in it for a long time, and feel strongly about it. There are several reasons why these kids may develop obsessions, including:
  • they can get a lot of enjoyment from learning about a particular subject or gathering together items of interest
  • those who find social interaction difficult might use their special interests as a way to start conversations and feel more self-assured in social situations
  • obsessions may help children cope with the uncertainties of daily life
  • obsessions may help children to relax and feel happy
  • obsessions may provide order and predictability
  • obsessions may provide structure
 
Many children with Aspergers and HFA have sensory sensitivity and may be over- or under-sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch. This sensitivity can also affect children’s balance ('vestibular' system) and body awareness ('proprioception' or knowing where our bodies are and how they are moving). Obsessions and repetitive behavior can be a way to deal with sensory sensitivity.



Although repetitive behavior varies from child to child, the reasons behind it may be the same:
  •  a source of enjoyment and occupation
  • a way to deal with stress and anxiety and to block out uncertainty
  • an attempt to gain sensory input (e.g., rocking may be a way to stimulate the balance or vestibular system; hand-flapping may provide visual stimulation)
  • an attempt to reduce sensory input (e.g., focusing on one particular sound may reduce the impact of a loud, distressing environment; this may particularly be seen in social situations)
  • some adolescents may revert to old repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand-flapping, rocking if anxious or stressed)

Reality to a child on the autism spectrum is a confusing, interacting mass of events, people, places, sounds and sights. Set routines, times, particular routes and rituals all help to get order into an unbearably chaotic life. Trying to keep everything the same reduces some of the terrible fear.

Many children with the disorder have a strong preference for routines and sameness. Routines often serve an important function. For example, they introduce order, structure and predictability and help to manage anxiety. Because of this, it can be very distressing if the child’s routine is disrupted.
 
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 
Sometimes minor changes (e.g., moving between two activities) can be distressing. For others, big events (e.g., holidays, birthdays, Christmas, etc.), which create change and upheaval, can cause anxiety. Unexpected changes are often most difficult to deal with. 

Some children on the spectrum have daily timetables so that they know what is going to happen, when. However, the need for routine and sameness can extend beyond this. You might see:
  •  a need for routine around daily activities such as meals or bedtime
  • changes to the physical environment (e.g., the layout of furniture in a room), or the presence of new people or absence of familiar ones, being difficult to manage
  • compulsive behavior (e.g., the child might be constantly washing his hands or checking locks)
  • rigid preferences about things like food (e.g., only eating food of a certain color), clothing (e.g., only wearing clothes made from specific fabrics), or everyday objects (e.g., only using particular types of soap or brands of toilet paper)
  • routines can become almost ritualistic in nature, having to be followed precisely with attention paid to the tiniest details
  • verbal rituals, with a child repeatedly asking the same questions and needing a specific answer

Children's dependence on routines can increase during times of change, stress or illness and may even become more dominant or elaborate at these times. Dependence on routines may increase or re-emerge during adolescence. Routines can have a profound effect on the lives of children with Aspergers and HFA, their family and care-takers, but it is possible to make a child less reliant on them.

Obsessions versus Hobbies—

Most of us have hobbies, interests and a preference for routine. Here are five questions that can help us distinguish between hobbies/interests versus obsessive behavior:
  1. Can the child stop the behavior independently?
  2. Does the child appear distressed when engaging in the behavior or does the child give signs that he is trying to resist the behavior (e.g., someone who flaps their hands may try to sit on their hands to prevent the behavior)?
  3. Is the behavior causing significant disruption to others (e.g., moms and dads, care-takers, peers, siblings)?
  4. Is the behavior impacting on the child’s learning?
  5. Is the behavior limiting the child’s social opportunities?

If your answer to any of the questions above is 'yes', it may be appropriate to look at ways of helping your youngster to reduce obsessive or repetitive behavior. Think about whether, by setting limits around a particular behavior, you are really helping your youngster. Is the behavior actually a real issue for him, for you, or for other people in his life?

Focus on developing skills that your youngster can use instead of repetitive or obsessive behavior. Try to understand the function of the behavior, then make small, gradual changes and be consistent. Here are some ideas to help you:

1.     Coping with change: If unexpected changes occur, and your youngster is finding it hard to cope, try re-directing them to a calming activity, or encourage them to use simple relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises. You could use praise or other rewards for coping with change. In the long term, this may help make your youngster more tolerant of change.

2.     Explore alternative activities: One way to interrupt repetitive behavior is for a youngster to do another enjoyable activity that has the same function (e.g., a youngster who flicks their fingers for visual stimulation could play with a kaleidoscope or a bubble gun;  a youngster who puts inedible objects in their mouth could have a bag with edible alternatives that provide similar sensory experiences such as raw pasta or spaghetti, or seeds and nuts; a youngster who rocks to get sensory input could go on a swing; a youngster who smears their poop could have a bag with play dough in it to use instead).

3.     Intervene early: Repetitive behaviors, obsessions and routines are generally harder to change the longer they continue.  A behavior that is perhaps acceptable in a young child may not be appropriate as they get older and may, by this time, be very difficult to change. For example, a youngster who is obsessed with shoes and tries to touch people's feet might not present too much of a problem, but a teenager doing the same thing - especially to strangers - will obviously be problematic. It will help if you can set limits around repetitive behaviors from an early age and look out for any new behavior that emerges as your youngster gets older. Making your youngster's environment and surroundings more structured can help them to feel more in control and may reduce anxiety. If anxiety is reduced, the need to engage in repetitive behavior and adhere strictly to routines may also, in time, be reduced.

4.     Pre-planning: You may be able to help your youngster to cope with change, or activities and events that could be stressful, by planning for them in advance.  Change is unavoidable, but it can be really difficult for many children with the disorder. You may not always be able to prepare for change a long time in advance, but try to give your youngster as much warning as possible. Gradually introducing the idea of a new person, place, object or circumstance can help them cope with the change. Try to talk about the event or activity when everyone is fairly relaxed and happy.  Presenting information visually can be a good idea, as your youngster can refer to it as often as they need to. You could try using calendars so that your youngster knows how many days it is before an event (e.g., Christmas) happens. This can help them feel prepared. 
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
 
Your youngster might also like to see photos of places or objects in advance so they know what to expect (e.g., a picture of their Christmas present) or a photo of the building they are going to for an appointment. Using social stories could also be helpful. These are short stories, often with pictures, that describe different situations and activities so that children with Aspergers and HFA know what to expect.  Pre-planning can also involve structuring the environment. 
 
For example, a student with HFA might go to use a computer in the library at lunchtime if they find being in the playground too stressful – or if a youngster has sensory sensitivity, minimizing the impact of things like noises (e.g., school bells) or smells (e.g., perfumes or soaps) can help them to cope better.  It is possible that more structured environments may reduce boredom, which is sometimes a reason for repetitive behavior. You might prepare a range of enjoyable or calming activities to re-direct your youngster to if they seem bored or stressed.

5.     Self-regulation skills: Self-regulation skills are any activities that help your youngster to manage their own behavior and emotions.  If you can help your youngster to identify when they are feeling stressed or anxious and use an alternative response (e.g., relaxation techniques or asking for help), you may, in time, see less repetitive or ritualistic behavior.  Research has also shown that increasing a child’s insight into an obsession or repetitive behavior can significantly reduce it. This includes children with quite severe learning disabilities.

6.     Set limits: Setting limits around repetitive behavior, routines and obsessions is an important and often essential way to minimize their impact on your youngster's life. You could set limits in a number of ways depending which behavior concerns you. For example, you can ration objects (e.g., can only carry five pebbles in pocket), ration places (e.g., spinning only allowed at home), and ration times (e.g., can watch his favorite DVD for 20 minutes twice a day). Everyone involved with your youngster should take the same consistent approach to setting limits. Have clear rules about where, when, with whom and for how long a behavior is allowed. You could present this information visually, with a focus on when your youngster can engage in the behavior. This may help if they feel anxious about restricted access to an obsession or activity.

7.     Social skills training: Teaching social skills (e.g.,  how to start and end a conversation, appropriate things to talk about, how to read other people's 'cues') may mean someone with Aspergers or HFA feels more confident and doesn't need to rely on talking about particular subjects (e.g., a special interest). 

8.     Understand the function of the behavior: Obsessions, repetitive behavior and routines are frequently important and meaningful to children on the  spectrum, helping them to manage anxiety and have some measure of control over a confusing and chaotic world. For others, the behavior may help with sensory issues. Take a careful look at what you think might be causing the behavior and what purpose it might serve.  For example, does your youngster always seem to find a particular environment (e.g., a classroom) hard to cope with? Is it too bright? Could you turn off strip lighting and rely on natural daylight instead?

9.     Visual supports: Visual supports (e.g., photos, symbols, written lists or physical objects) can really help children with Aspergers and HFA.  A visual timetable could help your youngster to see what is going to happen next. This makes things more predictable and helps them to feel prepared. It may lessen their reliance on strict routines of their own making. 
 
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
 
Visual supports like egg timers or 'time timers' can help some children with an autism spectrum disorder to understand abstract concepts like time, plan what they need to do, when in order to complete a task, and understand the concept of waiting.  Visual supports can also be useful if your youngster asks the same question repeatedly. One parent wrote down the answer to a question, put it on the fridge and, whenever her son asked the question, told him to go to the fridge and find the answer. For kids who can't read, you could use pictures instead of words.

10.   Make use of obsessions: Obsessions can be used to increase your youngster's skills and areas of interest, promote self-esteem, and encourage socializing. You may find you can look at a particular obsession and think of ways to develop it into something more functional. Here are some examples:
  • A child with a special interest in historical dates could join a history group and meet others with similar interests.
  • A child with knowledge of sport or music would be a valuable member of a pub quiz team.
  • A strong preference for ordering or lining up objects could be developed into housework skills.
  • An interest in particular sounds could be channeled into learning a musical instrument.
  • An obsession with rubbish could be used to develop an interest in recycling, and the youngster given the job of sorting items for recycling.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… Mine is 17 and still obsessed. I think we have every game, plus the cards, and watch the cartoon. HELP!
•    Anonymous said… My 14 year old- obsessed with Pokemon. Sets him noticeably apart from his peers, and is definitely an issue. frown emoticon
•    Anonymous said… my 25 year old son with ASPERGERS is obsessed with stunt riding.. he is getting good at it. came 12th in the british stunt championships last year. wink emoticon
•    Anonymous said… My Aspie son was too at that age. Rest assured, he will move on to other things but with just as much obsession! Whatever makes them happy.....
•    Anonymous said… My lad of 21 now he has aspergers.was mad on pokemon and digimon.
•    Anonymous said… My son is obsessed with this too!
•    Anonymous said… My teenager( Aspergers) at age 6 was obessed with Spongebob. We would turn the Television and he could repeat the episode without pictures or words. I think that they just love different things and have a likeable interest. My normal 6 year old is obsessed with Sonic. He is at the top of his class and this is the 2nd 9weeks weeks of report cards. He wants every character. At least it is a good thing and not something bad.
•    Anonymous said… Pokemon was created by an autistic man, so I can see why they can become an interest.
•    Anonymous said… Sounds familiar our 12 year old loves pokemon magic the gathering mine craft and Spider-Man
•    Anonymous said… This is an excellent article! Our 7-year-old grandson is obsessed with Minecraft. We have to curb his enthusiasm for discussing Minecraft every single minute of the day, or we would go completely batty! We tell him that although he loves Minecraft, not everyone shares his interest, and it's important to find out what other people's interests are, and not to monopolize conversations talking about his interests only.
•    Anonymous said… When our Aspergers son got into Pokemon it was actually a HUGE help for him socially. Since all the kids were into it, he actually had common interests and they could all talk Pokemon. We saw a lot of social growth during this phase so the obsession was actually very healthy for him.
*    Anonymous said...I have a 9 year old son. He was assessed two years ago by a Dr. at Stanford University. I went in there thinking he would come out with a diagnosis for ADHD Inattentive at the bare minimum, but instead we walked out an hour later being told he was only dyslexic. I still don’t understand how that one was the official diagnosis because I really don’t see a connection with him. He doesn’t have troubles reading, and he never complains about the letters looking different. Fast forward to today. At 9 years old his mannerisms are starting to really stick out from other kids his age. You can’t really play it off as him being a “little” boy because he is acting sort of immaturely for a 9 year old. He is also very in tune with remembering dates to when certain people were born. When certain musicians first played a rock and roll song and when movies we’re first released. He then compares that to something like when he was born. “Mom you know that movie, (movie title) came out on November five, 1987”. (He says “five” rather than saying “fifth). Then he says, “that means it came out 27 years before I was born!” Mind you, no one inquired about the song or asked him anything about it but he’s correct on the dates and feels the need to tell you about it. He’s also obsessed with space and Roblox right now and loves informing you on all things associated with them. With all his knowledge of dates and times in history, he absolutely struggles in school. He’s in speech because he has a little trouble speaking and pronouncing sounds. He’s also in “Learning Lab” getting extra one-on-one help with school work with a school resource teacher. Ask him to write an essay about a certain topic and he can’t form thoughts and write them down. The teacher wants a intro. paragraph, main body and a conclusion. He writes random sentences that are not cohesive and go way off track. Have him read a one page, age appropriate news article written for kids and he can’t answer a 5 question quiz afterwards of what they just read. It’s very interesting how he can be so correct with recalling dates off the top of his head but his short term memory is so much different. I just feel like something is going on with this wonderful child of mine. He’s so quirky and ridiculously sweet, I love him to bits but I’m concerned about him. :-/

Post your comment below…
By

ASD and Delayed Speech

Question

"Does a child with level 1 autism typically have delayed speech?"

Answer

Approximately 50% of kids with ASD Level 1 or high-functioning autism (HFA) have delayed speech. While many of them grow out of this by age five, others go on to experience other language problems. These generally fall into one or more of the following three areas of linguistics:

1. Pragmatics—

Pragmatics refers to language usage and the way that context relates to meaning. Kids with HFA often have difficulty in holding a normal conversation where there is give and take and social interaction. While most children learn these skills by observing others, those with the disorder may need some personal coaching. Problems with pragmatics manifest in the following forms:
  • does not allow the other person to talk
  • does not use people’s names
  • focuses exclusively on topics that interest them
  • gives too much detailed information
  • interrupting others
  • lack of facial expression and eye contact
  • lack of greeting
  • oblivious to boredom in others
  • oblivious to emotional reactions in others


2. Semantics—

Semantics is defined as the meaning or interpretation of a word, sentence, or other language form. While many children with HFA and Asperger's are extremely intelligent and avid readers, they often struggle in this particular area. They may have problems with the following:
  • difficulty in understanding jokes
  • difficulty in understanding metaphors and figures of speech
  • interpreting everything literally
  • pedantic speech
  • problems with understanding teasing
  • sarcasm is not understood

3. Prosody—

Prosody refers to the tonal and rhythmic aspects of speech. Kids on the autism spectrum often have a strange manner of speaking. It may come across with words enunciated precisely and formally and the speed, volume and rhythm may be odd. Problem areas to look out for include the following:
  • difficulties in coordinating speaking and breathing
  • little or no inflection
  • monotonous sound
  • stilted or formal speech
  • strange rhythms of speech
  • talking loudly

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's


Help for Linguistic Difficulties—

HFA kids and grown-ups with language problems can benefit from one-on-one training with a parent or speech therapist. The problems are often tackled individually and it takes perseverance and repetition to see lasting results. Methods vary but could include the following:
  • practicing eye contact and body language
  • practicing normal pronunciation and inflection
  • teaching how to start a conversation
  • training them not to interrupt
  • use of pictures to explain figures of speech

Unless they observe other areas of "slowness" during early development, moms and dads may hesitate to seek advice. Some may excuse the lack of talking by reassuring themselves that "he'll outgrow it" or "he's just more interested in physical things." Knowing what's "normal" and what's not in speech and language development can help you figure out if you should be concerned or if your youngster is right on schedule.

It's important to discuss early speech and language development, as well as other developmental concerns, with your physician at every routine well-child visit. It can be difficult to tell whether a youngster is just immature in his ability to communicate, or has a problem that requires professional attention.

These developmental norms may provide clues:

• Before 12 Months: It's important for children this age to be watched for signs that they're using their voices to relate to their environment. Cooing and babbling are early stages of speech development. As babies get older (often around 9 months), they begin to string sounds together, incorporate the different tones of speech, and say words like "mama" and "dada" (without really understanding what those words mean). Before 12 months, kids should also be attentive to sound and begin to recognize names of common objects (for example bottle, binky, etc.). Babies who watch intently but don't react to sound may be showing signs of hearing loss.

• By 12 to 15 Months: Children this age should have a wide range of speech sounds in their babbling (like p, b, m, d, or n), begin to imitate and approximate sounds and words modeled by family members, and typically say one or more words (not including "mama" and "dada") spontaneously. Nouns usually come first, like "baby" and "ball." Your youngster should also be able to understand and follow simple one-step directions ("Please give me the toy," for example).

• From 18 to 24 Months: Though there is a lot of variability, most toddlers are saying about 20 words by 18 months and 50 or more words by the time they turn 2. By age 2, children are starting to combine two words to make simple sentences, such as "baby crying" or "Daddy big." A 2-year-old should also be able to identify common objects, common pictured objects, indicate body parts on self when labeled, and follow two-step commands (such as "Please pick up the toy and give it to me").

• From 2 to 3 Years: Moms and dads often witness an "explosion" in their youngster's speech. Your toddler's vocabulary should increase (to too many words to count) and he or she should routinely combine three or more words into sentences. Comprehension also should increase — by 3 years of age, a youngster should begin to understand what it means to "put it on the table" or "put it under the bed." Your youngster also should begin to identify colors and comprehend descriptive concepts (big versus little, for example).

Language vs. Speech—

Speech and language are often confused, but there is a distinction between the two:

• Language is much broader and refers to the entire system of expressing and receiving information in a way that's meaningful. It is understanding and being understood through communication — verbal, nonverbal, and written.

• Speech is the verbal expression of language and includes articulation, which is the way sounds and words are formed.

Although problems in speech and language differ, they often overlap. A youngster with a language problem may be able to pronounce words well but be unable to put more than two words together. Another youngster's speech may be difficult to understand, but he or she may use words and phrases to express ideas. And another youngster may speak well but have difficulty following directions.


If you're concerned about your youngster's speech and language development, there are some things to watch for.

An infant who isn't responding to sound or who isn't vocalizing is of particular concern. Between 12 and 24 months, reasons for concern include a youngster who:
  • has difficulty understanding simple verbal requests
  • has trouble imitating sounds by 18 months
  • isn't using gestures, such as pointing or waving bye-bye by 12 months
  • prefers gestures over vocalizations to communicate by 18 months

Seek an evaluation if a youngster over 2 years old:
  • can only imitate speech or actions and doesn't produce words or phrases spontaneously
  • can't follow simple directions
  • has an unusual tone of voice (such as raspy or nasal sounding)
  • is more difficult to understand than expected for his or her age. Moms and dads and regular caregivers should understand about half of a youngster's speech at 2 years and about three quarters at 3 years. By 4 years old, a youngster should be mostly understood, even by people who don't know the youngster.
  • says only certain sounds or words repeatedly and can't use oral language to communicate more than his or her immediate needs

Causes—

Many things can cause delays in speech and language development:

• Ear infections, especially chronic infections, can affect hearing ability. Simple ear infections that have been adequately treated, though, should have no effect on speech.

• Hearing problems are also commonly related to delayed speech, which is why a youngster's hearing should be tested by an audiologist whenever there's a speech concern. A youngster who has trouble hearing may have trouble articulating as well as understanding, imitating, and using language.

• Many children with speech delays have oral-motor problems, meaning there's inefficient communication in the areas of the brain responsible for speech production. The youngster encounters difficulty using and coordinating the lips, tongue, and jaw to produce speech sounds. Speech may be the only problem or may be accompanied by other oral-motor problems such as feeding difficulties. A speech delay may also be a part of (instead of indicate) a more "global" (or general) developmental delay.

• Speech delays in an otherwise normally developing youngster can sometimes be caused by oral impairments, like problems with the tongue or palate (the roof of the mouth). A short frenulum (the fold beneath the tongue) can limit tongue movement for speech production.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

What Can A Speech-Language Pathologist Do?

If you or your physician suspect that your youngster has a problem, early evaluation by a speech-language pathologist is crucial. Of course, if there turns out to be no problem after all, an evaluation can ease your fears. Although you can seek out a speech-language pathologist on your own, your primary care physician can refer you to one.

In conducting an evaluation, a speech-language pathologist will look at a youngster's speech and language skills within the context of total development. Besides observing your youngster, the speech-language pathologist will conduct standardized tests and scales, and look for milestones in speech and language development.

The speech-language pathologist will also assess:
  • if your youngster is attempting to communicate in other ways, such as pointing, head shaking, gesturing, etc.
  • sound development and clarity of speech
  • what your youngster can say (called expressive language)
  • what your youngster understands (called receptive language)
  • your youngster's oral-motor status (how a youngster's mouth, tongue, palate, etc., work together for speech as well as eating and swallowing)

If the speech-language pathologist finds that your youngster needs speech therapy, your involvement will be very important. You can observe therapy sessions and learn to participate in the process. The speech therapist will show you how you can work with your youngster at home to improve speech and language skills.

Evaluation by a speech-language pathologist may find that your expectations are simply too high. Educational materials that outline developmental stages and milestones may help you look at your youngster more realistically.

What Can Parents Do?

Like so many other things, speech development is a mixture of nature and nurture. Genetic makeup will, in part, determine intelligence and speech and language development. However, a lot of it depends on environment. Is a youngster adequately stimulated at home or at childcare? Are there opportunities for communication exchange and participation? What kind of feedback does the youngster get?

When speech, language, hearing, or developmental problems do exist, early intervention can provide the help a youngster needs. And when you have a better understanding of why your youngster isn't talking, you can learn ways to encourage speech development.

Here are a few general tips to use at home:

• Read to your youngster, starting as early as 6 months. You don't have to finish a whole book, but look for age-appropriate soft or board books or picture books that encourage children to look while you name the pictures. Try starting with a classic book (such as Pat the Bunny) in which the youngster imitates the patting motion, or books with textures that children can touch. Later, let your youngster point to recognizable pictures and try to name them. Then move on to nursery rhymes, which have rhythmic appeal. Progress to predictable books (such as Eric Carle's Brown Bear, Brown Bear) that let children anticipate what happens. Your little one may even start to memorize favorite stories.

• Spend a lot of time communicating with your youngster, even during infancy — talk, sing, and encourage imitation of sounds and gestures.

• Use everyday situations to reinforce your youngster's speech and language. In other words, talk your way through the day. For example, name foods at the grocery store, explain what you're doing as you cook a meal or clean a room, point out objects around the house, and as you drive, point out sounds you hear. Ask questions and acknowledge your youngster's responses (even when they're hard to understand). Keep things simple, but never use "baby talk."

It is never too late to seek help for speech difficulties. While a child may never sound completely normal or be able to hold a perfect conversation, there are definitely ways to work towards a great improvement. The key to success is often a commitment from a parent or family member to work with the youngster for extended periods of time.

Whatever your youngster's age, recognizing and treating problems early on is the best approach to help with speech and language delays. With proper therapy and time, your youngster will likely be better able to communicate with you and the rest of the world.

==> More parenting methods for dealing with the traits of ASD can be found here...


By

Sibling Aggression in Children with High-Functioning Autism

Question

My son is an 8 yr old fraternal twin. He was diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder in the summer of 2018 and was diagnosed with autism (high functioning) in the summer of 2019. He is the oldest of 5 boys ranging from 8 to 14 months. My question is: How do I keep him from physically attacking the baby when he gets frustrated? This has only been happening physically since September of last year, but verbally has always said he hates the baby, wants the baby to die, etc. since he was born. I know it has to do with him feeling he's not getting the attention he wants, but with 5 kids, the youngest being of an age that is very demanding, I don't always get to focus on the 8-yrear-old as much as he would like.

Answer

Parents of a large family (i.e., 3 or more children) have to deal with personality clashes, attention tactics, and multiple mini-battles, and eventually come to realize that sibling rivalry is one of the inevitable annoyances of having kids. Moms and dads must learn that the degree of sibling rivalry, and whether or not it has long-term positive or negative consequences, depends on what they do about it. 

Here are several ways that you can help your older child be friends with the younger ones:

1. If possible, start most days with "special time" with your oldest child. Often times, starting the day with 15 minutes of “special time” can ward off angry feelings in the child toward the new baby – and it is a good investment for the rest of the day.

2. When your older child says things like, “I hate the baby!” …always come back with the comment, “The baby loves you – and he looks up to you because you’re his BIG brother” (emphasis on “big”).

3. Promoting sibling harmony requires a bit of parental marketing. You may think that your older youngster should be thrilled to have gained a live-in friend, but kids are often preoccupied with what they've lost. They're not so keen on sharing their toys, their room, and most importantly, their mom and dad with someone else. Turn this around to help the normally egocentric youngster to imagine, "what's in it for me?" Use the term "special time" (you'll get a lot of marketing mileage out of the word "special"). The attention your older youngster apparently has lost from mom, he gains from dad. Arrange a lot of one-on-one outings for your older youngster (e.g., time at the park), so the youngster realizes that even though he's lost some time with mom, he's gets more special time with dad, grandparents, or other caregivers.
 

4. What bothers your older child the most is sharing you with the new baby. Since the concept of sharing is foreign to the child (as mom is his most important "possession"), it's unlikely that you'll be able to sell him on the concept of “sharing mother.” It sounds good to say that you'll give your older youngster equal amounts of your time, but in practice that's sometimes unrealistic. New babies require a lot of maintenance, and you don't have 200 percent of yourself to give. So what can you do? Wear your infant in a baby sling, which will give you two free hands to play a game with the older one. While feeding baby, you can read a book to the older sibling. Spending a lot of time sitting on the floor increases your availability to your child while your baby is in-arms or at-breast. As baby gets older, place him in an infant seat, or on a blanket on the floor to watch you play one-on-one with his big brother. This entertains two children with one parent.

5. While kids are created equally, it's impossible to treat them that way all the time. In their desire to prevent sibling squabbles, moms and dads strive to do everything the same way for all their kids, whether it's buying pajamas or selecting a college. Kids aren't the same; you don't need to behave as if they are. Make moment-by-moment decisions, and don't worry about the long-term consequences if you give one youngster more strokes than the other on any particular day.

6. In the future, as much as you can, try to divide chores equally among kids according to their ages and capabilities, yet don't beat yourself up trying to be 100 percent fair. You can't be. Remember, you are preparing your kids for life, and life does not treat people fairly and equally.

7. It's unrealistic for moms and dads to claim they never play favorites. Some parents and some kids have personalities that clash – others mesh. Some kids bring out the best in their parents – others push the wrong buttons. The key is to not let your kids perceive this as favoritism. Better yet, make them all feel special. If your youngster asks you a question, "Who do you love more – me or Johnny?" …give the politically correct answer: "I love you both in special ways."

8. Children are so caught up in their own emotions that they don't hear what you're saying. Show that you understand what your oldest child is going through by echoing his feelings (e.g., "Bobby, you feel like Jimmy is getting too much attention and that I love him more than you. But that’s not true. I love all my children equally.”).

9. Just for future reference (in case you have another child), get your older youngster acquainted with the new baby before birth. Show him pictures of a baby growing in mommy's belly. Let him pat the baby beneath the bulge, talk to baby, and feel baby kick. Replay the older youngster's babyhood. Sit down with your youngster and page through his baby photo album. Show him what he looked like right after birth, coming home from the hospital, nursing, and having his diaper changed. By replaying the older youngster's baby events, he will be prepared for a replay of his new brother or sister.
 

10. Make the older sibling feel important. Savvy visitors to your home (who themselves have survived sibling rivalry) may bring along a gift for the older youngster when visiting the new baby. In case this doesn't happen, keep a few small gifts in reserve for the older child when friends lavish presents and attention on the new baby. Let him be the one to unwrap the baby gifts and test the rattles. Give him a job in the family organization.

11. As the children grow up, minimize comparisons. This is also the basis for feelings of inferiority, which encourages undesirable behavior among siblings. Praise your older youngster for accomplishments in relation to himself and not in comparison to a sibling. Each youngster can feel he is special in the eyes of his parents. Kids are constantly being compared. Most of their life they will be rated on their performance (e.g., grades in school, batting order on the baseball team, races, games among themselves, etc.). The home is the only organization left that values a youngster for himself and not in comparison with others. So, avoid comments like, "Why can't you behave like your brother?"

12. “Disciplining” siblings is not “punishment,” rather it is giving them the tools to succeed in life, and one of the most important tools that will have life-long social implications is the quality of empathy. Help your kids learn how to get behind the eyes of another person and think first how their behavior is going to affect that other person. You want your kids to think through what they're about to do. A lack of empathy is the hallmark of sociopathic relationships between adult siblings.

13. It's hard to hate - and hit - a person you care about and who cares about you. Siblings are not born adversaries, certainly not unless moms and dads permit it. You can nurture patterns of life-long friendship among your kids by helping them find constructive ways to be sensitive to each other. Learning to live with a sibling is a youngster's first lesson in getting along with other kids. Your job is not to control how siblings relate, but rather to shape these relationships.

14. When to step in as a referee and when to remain a bystander is a round-by-round judgment call. Sometimes “letting kids be kids” or giving them reminders is all that is necessary. One parent’s immediate fight-stopper was, "You're disturbing my peace." This worked because she had already planted the idea that, in crowds, one respects the peace of others.

15. Sometimes you're too tired to play amateur psychologist and you just want to switch into “police mode.” Do it and don't worry about permanently damaging your youngster's psyche. Give clear messages about how you expect your children to behave toward one another before arguments become a way of life. Offer calm verbal reminders (e.g., "that's a put-down") as one sibling belittles the other, or issue a look that says "don't even think about it!" Head off fights at the first squabble, before they get out of hand.

16. Be watchful for aggressor-victim roles. Your job is to protect your kids, even from one another. How siblings behave toward one another is their first social lesson in how to behave in a group. In your family, set certain "maximum allowable limits," which are behaviors that you insist upon – and the kids are taught to respect these. 
 

17. When one of the younger siblings gets hurt, ask the older one to help attend to the injury. Even give him a job title (e.g., "Dr. Billy, you hold Michael’s leg while I wrap it" …or "Please be my assistant and help me put the bandage on Johnny's cut"). The "doctor" will most likely muster up compassion for the "patient."

18. If your older child is a born clown, capitalize on that asset and encourage the clown to entertain the baby, such as the older youngster humoring the baby while you get ready for work.

19. When the kids get a little older (which will happen sooner than you think), encourage your oldest youngster to teach a skill he is proficient in to his siblings (e.g., get your older son, who may be an avid baseball player, to show his younger brother how to hit and catch a ball).

20. Since your kids are several years apart, give the older youngster some supervised responsibility for the younger ones. This will motivate the older brother to care, and the younger sibling will sense this.

21. Sometime during middle childhood (ages 5 through 10), impress upon your kids what "brother" really means. Kids sense that "blood is thicker than water." Brothers are a sort of live-in support system. Here's the message to give your kids: "Your brothers will ultimately be your best friends. Once your other friends have moved or drifted away, your family friends will always be there when you need them. Friends come and go, but siblings are forever."

22. Try sleeping together occasionally. Kids who sleep together at night usually play more peacefully together during the day.

By

Tips for Reducing Stress Related to Parenting Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"My (high functioning autistic) child is one of the most wonderful blessings of my life – yet at times, stress may cause me to wonder if he is at the root of my most intense times of irritability and anxiety. I don't like thinking like this. Any tips on how I can reduce my stress while at the same time, care for my son's special needs.?"

Let’s be honest. Caring for a child on the autism spectrum can be tiring. On bad days, we as parents can feel trapped by the constant responsibility. The additional stress of caring for a child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's (AS) can, at times, make a parent feel angry, anxious, or just plain "stressed out." These tensions are a normal, inevitable part of the family, and parents need to learn ways to cope so that they don't feel overwhelmed by them.

To see if you are experiencing toxic amounts of parental stress, answer the following questions:
  1. Are you often irritable?
  2. Are you suffering from lack of sleep?
  3. Are you worried about your child’s future?
  4. Are you worried about your family’s finances?
  5. Do you avoid of social interaction outside the home as much as possible?
  6. Do you choose the self-serve lane at the supermarket and the ATM at the bank because doing things by yourself is just easier?
  7. Do you ever find yourself so rushed and distracted that it’s “just annoying” when a cashier or neighbor tries to make chitchat with you about the weather?
  8. Do you ever get so caught up in one subject (e.g., IEP worries or your frustration with your child’s school) that you catch yourself repeating the same complaints to anyone who will listen?
  9. Do you find yourself snapping at your child for interrupting you, then feeling guilty afterwards?
  10. Do you have a disregard for personal appearance and social niceties?
  11. Do you keep meaning to pick up the phone and call a friend, but find yourself too busy or distracted?
  12. Do you scan each room you enter for things that might trigger a meltdown in your youngster, (e.g., unusual smells or loud noises)? …and do you find yourself doing so even when he isn’t with you? …for that matter, after avoiding those things for so long, do you find that they now irritate you, too?
  13. Have the cute hairdos and perky outfits been replaced by ponytails and sweats?
  14. Have you ever had the thought, “I don’t like my child”?
  15. Have you found yourself getting annoyed when your spouse tunes you out or tries to change the subject?

If you answered “yes” to several of these questions, you too may be suffering from parental stress associated with parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
 

Stress becomes a problem when you feel overwhelmed by the things that happen to you. You may feel "stressed out" when it seems there is too much to deal with all at once, and you are not sure how to handle it all. When you feel stressed, you usually have some physical symptoms. You can feel tired, get headaches, stomach upsets or backaches, clench your jaw or grind your teeth, develop skin rashes, have recurring colds or flu, have muscle spasms or nervous twitches, or have problems sleeping. Mental signs of stress include feeling pressured, having difficulty concentrating, being forgetful and having trouble making decisions. Emotional signs include feeling angry, frustrated, tense, anxious, or more aggressive than usual.

The stress of parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder does not have to damage the bond you have with your child. In fact, if you take the necessary steps to reduce stress in your life, it can actually strengthen the closeness of your relationship with your youngster.

20 Tips for Reducing Stress Related to Parenting Children on the Spectrum

1. As a mother or father, it’s a necessity to take care of yourself so that you have the energy and motivation to be a good parent.

2. Avoid fatigue. Go to bed earlier and take short naps when you can.

3. Coping with the stress of parenting an HFA or AS child starts with understanding what makes you feel stressed, learning to recognize the symptoms of too much stress, and learning some new ways of handling life's problems. You may not always be able to tell exactly what is causing your emotional tension, but it is important to remind yourself that it is not your youngster's fault.

4. Develop good relationships. Family relationships are built over time with loving care and concern for other people's feelings. Talk over family problems in a warm, relaxed atmosphere. Focus on solutions rather than finding blame. If you are too busy or upset to listen well at a certain time, say so. Then agree on a better time, and make sure to do it. Laugh together, be appreciative of each other, and give compliments often. It may be very hard to schedule time to spend with your family, doing things that you all enjoy, but it is the best time you will ever invest. Moms and dads and kids need time to spend one-to-one. Whether yours is a one or two-parent family, each parent should try to find a little time to spend alone with each youngster. You could read a bedtime story, play a game, or go for a walk together.

5. Have a realistic attitude. Most moms and dads have high expectations of how things should be. We all want a perfect family, and we all worry about how our children will turn out. But, wanting “the ideal family” can get in the way of enjoying the one you have. 
 

6. If you don’t already belong to a group for parents of HFA and AS kids, you’re missing out on great social and emotional support. But, also remember that you had interests before you became a harried mom. Whether it’s decorating or reading murder mysteries, we all need some sort of pleasant diversion, and friendly folks to share it with. If you’re able to join a local support group and club, great! But if not, there is a plethora of online discussion groups about just about any interest you can imagine.

7. If you feel guilty about the idea of trying to plan time and activities apart from your youngster– don’t! How can we teach our "special needs" children that socialization is important, healthy, and worthwhile, if we hardly ever take time for it ourselves? So pick up the phone and plan time for some fun with a friend. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your youngster.

8. If you're feeling pressured, tense or drawn out at the end of a busy day, say so. Tell your kids calmly that you will be happy to give them some attention soon but first you need a short "quiet time" so that you can relax.

9. Keep in mind that your child experiences stress, too – at any age. So when you work on methods to reduce your own stress, try to incorporate stress relieving techniques that both you and your youngster can use to reduce stress. Of course, the stress relieving activities that you choose for you and your child to share will depend on your child’s age.

10. Learn some ways of unwinding to manage the tension. Simple daily stretching exercises help relieve muscle tension. Vigorous walking, aerobics or sports are excellent ways for some people to unwind and work off tension; others find deep-breathing exercises are a fast, easy and effective way to control physical and mental tension.

11. Look for community programs for moms and dads and kids. They offer activities that are fun, other moms and dads to talk with, and some even have babysitting.

12. Look for parenting courses in your community. 
 

13. Make a play date. The great thing about play dates for moms is that you don’t have to referee them – you just have to find time for them! Sit down with your calendar, get on the phone, and schedule time to spend with friends, at least every couple of weeks. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Go together for manicures or a trip to Target, followed by lattés, while Dad watches the kids. But make sure you schedule in play dates with Dad occasionally, too. If you can’t find a sitter, trade off watching the kids with another couple who has a youngster on the spectrum – most, I’ve found, are happy to make such a deal.

14. Make quality time for yourself, and reserve time each week for your own activities.

15. Most of us live hectic lives, and working through lunch can easily become habit. Make a commitment to yourself that at least three days a week you’re going to operate as a social human being. Go over to the food court with your coworkers, or brown bag it and catch up on the gossip in the lunchroom. You need interaction with grown-ups who are interested in topics that you are interested in. So after the dishwasher is loaded, put everybody down to nap or stick in a DVD for 20 minutes, and pick up the phone and call your best friend or sister, and give yourself a dose a grown-up time.

16. Practice time management. Set aside time to spend with the kids, time for yourself, and time for your spouse and/or friends. Learn to say "no" to requests that interfere with these important times. Cut down on outside activities that cause the family to feel rushed.

17. Take a break from looking after the kids. Help keep stress from building up. Ask for help from friends or relatives to take care of the kids for a while. Exchange babysitting services with a neighbor, or hire a teenager, even for a short time once a week to get some time for yourself.

18. Take care of your health with a good diet and regular exercise. Moms and dads need a lot of energy to look after kids.

19. Talk to someone. Sharing your worries is a great stress reducer!

20. We all have reactions to life's events which are based on our own personal histories. For the most part, we never completely understand the deep-down causes of all our feelings. What we must realize is that our feelings of stress come from inside ourselves and that we can learn to keep our stress reactions under control.

If you are considering getting some additional support or information to help you cope with the stress of parenting, there are many different resources available, including books and video tapes on stress management, parenting courses and workshops, professional counseling and self-help groups.
 

By
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

Raising Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Parents' Grief and Guilt

Some parents grieve for the loss of the youngster they   imagined  they had. Moms and dads have their own particular way of dealing with the...