Tips for Reducing Stress Related to Parenting Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"My (high functioning autistic) child is one of the most wonderful blessings of my life – yet at times, stress may cause me to wonder if he is at the root of my most intense times of irritability and anxiety. I don't like thinking like this. Any tips on how I can reduce my stress while at the same time, care for my son's special needs.?"

Let’s be honest. Caring for a child on the autism spectrum can be tiring. On bad days, we as parents can feel trapped by the constant responsibility. The additional stress of caring for a child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's (AS) can, at times, make a parent feel angry, anxious, or just plain "stressed out." These tensions are a normal, inevitable part of the family, and parents need to learn ways to cope so that they don't feel overwhelmed by them.

To see if you are experiencing toxic amounts of parental stress, answer the following questions:

1. Are you often irritable?
2. Are you suffering from lack of sleep?
3. Are you worried about your child’s future?
4. Are you worried about your family’s finances?
5. Do you avoid of social interaction outside the home as much as possible?
6. Do you choose the self-serve lane at the supermarket and the ATM at the bank because doing things by yourself is just easier?
7. Do you ever find yourself so rushed and distracted that it’s “just annoying” when a cashier or neighbor tries to make chitchat with you about the weather?
8. Do you ever get so caught up in one subject (e.g., IEP worries or your frustration with your child’s school) that you catch yourself repeating the same complaints to anyone who will listen?
9. Do you find yourself snapping at your child for interrupting you, then feeling guilty afterwards?
10. Do you have a disregard for personal appearance and social niceties?
11. Do you keep meaning to pick up the phone and call a friend, but find yourself too busy or distracted?
12. Do you scan each room you enter for things that might trigger a meltdown in your youngster, (e.g., unusual smells or loud noises)? …and do you find yourself doing so even when he isn’t with you? …for that matter, after avoiding those things for so long, do you find that they now irritate you, too?
13. Have the cute hairdos and perky outfits been replaced by ponytails and sweats?
14. Have you ever had the thought, “I don’t like my child”?
15. Have you found yourself getting annoyed when your spouse tunes you out or tries to change the subject?

If you answered “yes” to several of these questions, you too may be suffering from parental stress associated with parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Stress becomes a problem when you feel overwhelmed by the things that happen to you. You may feel "stressed out" when it seems there is too much to deal with all at once, and you are not sure how to handle it all. When you feel stressed, you usually have some physical symptoms. You can feel tired, get headaches, stomach upsets or backaches, clench your jaw or grind your teeth, develop skin rashes, have recurring colds or flu, have muscle spasms or nervous twitches, or have problems sleeping. Mental signs of stress include feeling pressured, having difficulty concentrating, being forgetful and having trouble making decisions. Emotional signs include feeling angry, frustrated, tense, anxious, or more aggressive than usual.

The stress of parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder does not have to damage the bond you have with your child. In fact, if you take the necessary steps to reduce stress in your life, it can actually strengthen the closeness of your relationship with your youngster.

20 Tips for Reducing Stress Related to Parenting Children on the Spectrum

1. As a mother or father, it’s a necessity to take care of yourself so that you have the energy and motivation to be a good parent.

2. Avoid fatigue. Go to bed earlier and take short naps when you can.

3. Coping with the stress of parenting an HFA or AS child starts with understanding what makes you feel stressed, learning to recognize the symptoms of too much stress, and learning some new ways of handling life's problems. You may not always be able to tell exactly what is causing your emotional tension, but it is important to remind yourself that it is not your youngster's fault.

4. Develop good relationships. Family relationships are built over time with loving care and concern for other people's feelings. Talk over family problems in a warm, relaxed atmosphere. Focus on solutions rather than finding blame. If you are too busy or upset to listen well at a certain time, say so. Then agree on a better time, and make sure to do it. Laugh together, be appreciative of each other, and give compliments often. It may be very hard to schedule time to spend with your family, doing things that you all enjoy, but it is the best time you will ever invest. Moms and dads and kids need time to spend one-to-one. Whether yours is a one or two-parent family, each parent should try to find a little time to spend alone with each youngster. You could read a bedtime story, play a game, or go for a walk together.

5. Have a realistic attitude. Most moms and dads have high expectations of how things should be. We all want a perfect family, and we all worry about how our children will turn out. But, wanting “the ideal family” can get in the way of enjoying the one you have. 

 

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder 

6. If you don’t already belong to a group for parents of HFA and AS kids, you’re missing out on great social and emotional support. But, also remember that you had interests before you became a harried mom. Whether it’s decorating or reading murder mysteries, we all need some sort of pleasant diversion, and friendly folks to share it with. If you’re able to join a local support group and club, great! But if not, there is a plethora of online discussion groups about just about any interest you can imagine.

7. If you feel guilty about the idea of trying to plan time and activities apart from your youngster– don’t! How can we teach our "special needs" children that socialization is important, healthy, and worthwhile, if we hardly ever take time for it ourselves? So pick up the phone and plan time for some fun with a friend. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your youngster.

8. If you're feeling pressured, tense or drawn out at the end of a busy day, say so. Tell your kids calmly that you will be happy to give them some attention soon but first you need a short "quiet time" so that you can relax.

9. Keep in mind that your child experiences stress, too – at any age. So when you work on methods to reduce your own stress, try to incorporate stress relieving techniques that both you and your youngster can use to reduce stress. Of course, the stress relieving activities that you choose for you and your child to share will depend on your child’s age.

10. Learn some ways of unwinding to manage the tension. Simple daily stretching exercises help relieve muscle tension. Vigorous walking, aerobics or sports are excellent ways for some people to unwind and work off tension; others find deep-breathing exercises are a fast, easy and effective way to control physical and mental tension.

11. Look for community programs for moms and dads and kids. They offer activities that are fun, other moms and dads to talk with, and some even have babysitting.

12. Look for parenting courses in your community. 

 

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

13. Make a play date. The great thing about play dates for moms is that you don’t have to referee them – you just have to find time for them! Sit down with your calendar, get on the phone, and schedule time to spend with friends, at least every couple of weeks. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Go together for manicures or a trip to Target, followed by lattés, while Dad watches the kids. But make sure you schedule in play dates with Dad occasionally, too. If you can’t find a sitter, trade off watching the kids with another couple who has a youngster on the spectrum – most, I’ve found, are happy to make such a deal.

14. Make quality time for yourself, and reserve time each week for your own activities.

15. Most of us live hectic lives, and working through lunch can easily become habit. Make a commitment to yourself that at least three days a week you’re going to operate as a social human being. Go over to the food court with your coworkers, or brown bag it and catch up on the gossip in the lunchroom. You need interaction with grown-ups who are interested in topics that you are interested in. So after the dishwasher is loaded, put everybody down to nap or stick in a DVD for 20 minutes, and pick up the phone and call your best friend or sister, and give yourself a dose a grown-up time.

16. Practice time management. Set aside time to spend with the kids, time for yourself, and time for your spouse and/or friends. Learn to say "no" to requests that interfere with these important times. Cut down on outside activities that cause the family to feel rushed.

17. Take a break from looking after the kids. Help keep stress from building up. Ask for help from friends or relatives to take care of the kids for a while. Exchange babysitting services with a neighbor, or hire a teenager, even for a short time once a week to get some time for yourself.

18. Take care of your health with a good diet and regular exercise. Moms and dads need a lot of energy to look after kids.

19. Talk to someone. Sharing your worries is a great stress reducer!

20. We all have reactions to life's events which are based on our own personal histories. For the most part, we never completely understand the deep-down causes of all our feelings. What we must realize is that our feelings of stress come from inside ourselves and that we can learn to keep our stress reactions under control.

If you are considering getting some additional support or information to help you cope with the stress of parenting, there are many different resources available, including books and video tapes on stress management, parenting courses and workshops, professional counseling and self-help groups.

 

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Helping Your “Neurotypical” Children Cope with a Sibling on the Autism Spectrum

Parenting a youngster with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) places some unexpected burdens on moms and dads – as well as siblings. The time involved in meeting the needs of a family member on the autism spectrum may leave the parent with little time for the other kids. As a result, there may be consistent tension in the household.

Many siblings of an AS or HFA child experience the following stressors:

• Angry that no one pays attention to them (in their opinion)
• Being the target of aggressive behaviors from the autistic child
• Concern over their role in care-taking
• Concern regarding their parents’ anxiety
• Embarrassment around peers
• Frustration over not being able to engage or get a response from their AS or HFA sibling
• Guilty for negative feelings they have toward their brother/sister
• Guilty for not having the same problems as their sibling
• Jealousy regarding the amount of time and attention their mom and dad spend with their sibling
• Not knowing how to handle situations in which their sibling is teased or bullied by others
• Pressure to be or do what their brother/sister can’t
• Resentful of having to explain, support, or take care of their sibling
• Resentful that they are unable to do things or go places because of their brother/sister
• Trying to make up for the deficits of their sibling
• Worried about their brother/sister

Due to the nature of AS and HFA, it is difficult for brothers and sisters to form a satisfying relationship with the sibling who has the disorder. For instance, the siblings’ attempts to play with their autistic brother may (a) be rejected by his ignoring them, (b) fail because of his lack of play skills, or (c) end suddenly because his meltdowns are scary. What child would keep trying to form a friendship with someone who seemed upset to one degree or another every time he was approached? It’s not surprising that siblings become discouraged by the reactions they encounter from their autistic sibling.

There are special demands placed on the siblings of an AS or HFA child. Thus, it is crucial that they learn to manage these demands. It’s also crucial that parents (a) educate their “neurotypical” (i.e., non-autistic) children about autism spectrum disorders, (b) work at improving interactions among all the kids in the family, and (c) ensure brothers and sisters grow up feeling they have benefited from the love, time and attention they all need.

Fortunately, your non-autistic kids can be taught simple skills that will help them to engage their AS or HFA sibling in playful interactions. These skills include things such as praising good play, making sure they have their autistic sibling’s attention, and giving simple instructions.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Below are some suggestions regarding ways parents can help their “neurotypical” kids in the family cope gracefully and effectively with the experience of having a sibling on the autism spectrum:

1. Even though it is important for your AS or HFA youngster to feel like a fully integrated member of the family, it is equally as important that your other kids have “special time” too. Thus, as much as possible, try to find some regular, separate time for the other kids. It could be as simple as one evening a week, a Sunday morning, or even a 10 minutes at bedtime each night.

Making sure that each and every child has the exact amount of “parent-time” is not necessary – or even important. What is important, though, is the opportunity for each child to feel special and to feel an overall atmosphere of equity in the home. If the “special needs” youngster experiences serious behavior-management problems, most parents will have neither the endurance nor the time to give all the kids exactly the same amount of attention. This is understandable and something that simply comes with the territory.

2. If the AS or HFA child is particularly aggressive or disruptive, the emotions of the “neurotypical” children may become so severe or upsetting that they will need professional counseling to help them cope. Also, meeting and talking with other kids going through the same thing can be very helpful (even if it's just online).

3. Research supports the idea that siblings of an AS or HFA child need to understand what autism is all about. Parents need to educate their “neurotypical” children about the disorder early – and do it often! From early childhood, these siblings need explanations that help them understand the behaviors that are of concern to them. And, the information provided needs to be adjusted to the siblings’ age and understanding.

For instance, very young kids may be concerned about the odd behaviors of the AS or HFA child that scare them (e.g., meltdowns, aggression, etc.). An older youngster may have concerns about how to explain autism to his or her peers. For teenagers, these concerns may shift to the long-range needs of their “special needs” sibling and the role they will play in future care. Every age has its needs, and the parent’s task is to listen carefully to the immediate concerns of the non-autistic children.




4. Some degree of sibling rivalry is to be expected in all families, whether or not autism is factored in to the equation. But, sometimes the rivalry crosses the line into abuse (e.g., one of the children acts out abuse in play, acts out sexually in inappropriate ways, has changes in behavior/sleep patterns/eating habits, has nightmares, always avoids his or her sibling, one child is always the aggressor while the other is always the victim, or the conflict between siblings is increasing over time). If there is a chance the sibling relationship has become abusive, parents should seek professional help.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

5. Try to have a mixture of family activities where all members participate, and individual activities where one child is the focus of your attention. In addition to one-on-one time, it’s also good to have some events when one youngster in the family has the focus of everyone’s attention (e.g., birthdays, graduations, etc.).

Siblings may become frustrated and angry if they have to do everything with their AS or HFA sister/brother. In fact, there may be times when it may not be fair to insist that they be included. For instance, if the AS or HFA child can’t sit still for a school play, then it may be better if she or he stays home while your “neurotypical” youngster performs.

6.    Consider purchasing some books on the topic. Here are a few:

• Brothers and Sisters: A Special Part of Exceptional Families, by Thomas Powell and Peggy Gallagher.
• Offspring and Parents, by Diane Marsh, Rex Dickens and E. Fuller Torrey. 
• It Isn't Fair! Edited by Stanley D. Klein and Maxwell J. Schleifer
• Living with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs: A Book for Siblings, by Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy.
• Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

7.    Talk to your physician if you see any of these warning signs in your “neurotypical” children as they try to cope with a sibling on the autism spectrum:

• withdrawal (e.g., hibernating in their bedroom)
• talk of hurting themselves
• poor self-esteem
• poor concentration
• physical symptoms (e.g., headaches or stomachaches)
• perfectionism
• loss of interest in activities
• hopelessness
• frequent crying or worrying
• difficulty separating from parents
• changes in eating or sleeping (e.g., too much or too little)

Research indicates that the majority of “neurotypical” kids cope well with their experience of having an AS or HFA sibling. However, that doesn’t mean that they do not encounter particular difficulties in learning how to deal with him or her. While having a sibling on the spectrum is a challenge to the siblings, it is certainly not an insurmountable obstacle. Most “neurotypical” kids handle the challenge effectively, and many of them respond with humor, grace, and love far beyond their years.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Adults with Avoidant Personality: Self-Help Strategies

Adult "Aspies" (i.e., people with Aspergers or high-functioning autism) with Avoidant Personality experience a long-standing feeling of inadequacy due to the lack of social skills that result from mind-blindness. This influences the Aspie to be socially inhibited.

Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, these individuals will often seek to avoid work, school, or any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others (e.g., many young Aspergers adults with Avoidant Personality are still living with their parents and playing video games rather than working, going to college, getting married, etc.).

The major problems associated with the Avoidant Personality style occur in social and occupational functioning. The low self-esteem is associated with restricted interpersonal contacts. These Aspies may become relatively isolated and usually do not have a large social support network that can help them weather crises. They desire affection and acceptance and may fantasize about idealized relationships with others, but may not have the social skills to find and keep friends. The avoidant behaviors can also adversely affect occupational functioning because these Aspies try to avoid the types of social situations that may be important for meeting the basic demands of the job or for advancement.

Avoidant Personality is characterized by a long-standing pattern of feelings of inadequacy and social inhibition. It typically manifests itself by early childhood and includes a majority of the following symptoms:

• Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact
• Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations
• Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities
• Is often unwilling to get involved with people
• Shows restraint within intimate relationships
• Views self as socially inept

Most adult Aspies with Avoidant Personality don't seek treatment until the condition starts to significantly interfere or otherwise impact his/her life. This most often happens when a person's coping resources are stretched too thin to deal with stress or other life events.

The treatment of choice is psychotherapy. While individual therapy is usually the preferred modality, group therapy can be useful if the Aspie can agree to attend enough sessions. Because of the basic components of this condition, though, it is often difficult to have the individual attend group therapy early on in the therapeutic process. It is a modality to consider as the Aspie approaches termination of individual treatment, if additional therapy seems necessary and beneficial to him/her.

Avoidant Personality: Self-Help Strategies—

1. Actively seek out and join supportive social environments.
2. Challenge negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.
3. Challenge social anxiety one step at a time. While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. The key is to start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the “anxiety ladder” (e.g., if socializing with strangers makes you anxious, you might start by accompanying an outgoing friend to a party, and once you’re comfortable with that step, you might try introducing yourself to one new person, and so on).
4. Group therapy for social anxiety is a good idea. It uses acting, videotaping and observing, mock interviews, and other exercises to work on situations that make you anxious in the real world. As you practice and prepare for situations you’re afraid of, you will become more and more comfortable and confident in your social abilities, and your anxiety will lessen.
5. Know that avoidance leads to more problems. While avoiding social situations may help you feel better in the short term, it prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to cope. In fact, the more you avoid certain social situations, the easier it is to become even more unsociable. Avoidance may also prevent you from doing things you’d like to do or reaching certain goals.
6. Learn how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.
7. Take a social skills class or an assertiveness training class. These classes are often offered at local adult education centers or community colleges.
8. Use cognitive-behavioral techniques for social anxiety, including role-playing and social skills training.
9. Volunteer doing something you enjoy, such as walking dogs in a shelter, or stuffing envelopes for a campaign — anything that will give you an activity to focus on while you are also engaging with a small number of like-minded people.
10. Work on your communication skills. Good relationships depend on clear, emotionally-intelligent communication. If you find that you have trouble connecting to others, learning the basic skills of emotional intelligence can help.

==> Relationship Skills for Couples Affected by Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

COMMENTS:

RE: "Why are you posting info about adults on the spectrum on this site? I thought this site was about children on the spectrum."

•    Mark Hutten, M.A. said… Because many of the parents of Aspergers children here in our support group have Aspergers (high functioning) themselves. When these parents come to terms with their own disorder, they become better at parenting their 'special needs' kids. Make sense?

 

•    Anonymous said... Also, kids with asperger's grow up to become adults with it. Some people have children standing on the threshold of adulthood and need info too.

•    Anonymous said... As a parent of a 20 year old, only diagnosed age 18, I still need help with my son, whether he is classed as a child or an adult. There is very little information/support out there as it is for parents like me with a young man floundering on the edges of society where he is expected to be able to live by himself, but struggles to do that. He is still my child, whether he is 20 or 10. Symptoms remain constant, coping mechanisms may need a bit of adjusting given his age, but I can still learn lots from how the parents of young children with Aspergers.

•    Anonymous said... Children on the spectrum will become adults on the spectrum. I love hearing from adults on the spectrum, helps me know what to expect in the future.

•    Anonymous said... I agree. Many parents dont realize they are on the spectrum as well. All of the posts are helpful & eye opening!

•    Anonymous said... I agree. My son has Aspergers he 12 1/2. I have now come 2 terms that I may have. So I have a Apt to have myself tested. 2 better myself for my son.

•    Anonymous said... I am a parent of a misdiagnoses Aspie for 20 years. I value the posts because we just had to figure things out as we went. Finally a little bit if information sure helps!

•    Anonymous said... I am a parent to two ASD children but since they have been diagnosed my husband has started noticing asd traits in me what steps should i be taking and how long can it take for myself to be tested any help would be of great value thanks in advance concerned mum

•    Anonymous said... I am one of that kind of parents. Aspergers myself, son with HFA. This is the most informative and helpful website I have found.

•    Anonymous said... I can relate to all the above comments. My son wasn't diagnosed until he was nearly 15. I found very little info on teens. So this info on adults is exceptionally helpful as this dx is life long and the struggles remain with them and us as parents forever.

•    Anonymous said... I like reading about trials we may face with my aspire growing up. I know each person is different, but I find it helpful for being as prepared as I can be for him.

•    Anonymous said... I will always be parenting a child with aspergers! Each individual with aspergers is different. hearing stories of all ages helps to prepare and think about my sons future (he is 14). if someone finds out they have aspergers at an older age, that does not necessarily mean they have the answers to parent their child perfectly.

•    Anonymous said... I'm in the same situation Deborah, waiting for my referral to be tested, my oldest son is the same age as yours 

•    Anonymous said... it was only after my children were dx that my hubby realized he is on spectrum too.and aspergers kids grow up,

•    Anonymous said... Makes perfect sense to me! 

•    Anonymous said... Makes total sense! It was only through the process of our son being dxd my husband finally accepted the bleeding obvious about himself, and now our daughter is being assessed I realise I'm probably an aspie too.

•    Anonymous said... My 14 yr old has just been diagnosed so I'm looking for infor that helps for someone that's not a child but not yet an adult - finding it good here

•    Anonymous said... My Aspie son is now 17, soon to become "an adult", ha, that is hardly a statement. We need all the advise that we can for children as well as adults. Just cause the person gets older doesn't mean the disorder disappears, in some cases it intensifies. As a community we must teach and support one another to over come the obstacles aspies have and can be so challenging for the world to understand and understand them without prejudice. This is about everyone! God bless us all and have a good day!

•    Anonymous said... My husband did not know that he had it till our son was diagnosed and he realised that what I was reading out to him was all about him. It makes it easier for me to parent the both of them. Also when my son has meltdowns or things change he hears me speak with my son and he learns what to say next time. My husband accepts that it is what it is and that they get each other.

•    Anonymous said... My son is days away from turning 13 and we are in the process of receiving a dx... Any and all support and info is helpful...

•    Anonymous said... My son was not diagnosed till he was 3 months away from being 18yrs old. Every support group, source of information was a necessity to us so that we could get the support he needed as well as understanding what is aspergers and what is just teenage stuff.

•    Anonymous said... One day your children will be adults better for you to know now it's easy to live day by day because its easy but teenage year a big handful 

•    Anonymous said... our children become adults which my son turn 19 couple days ago I became his legal guardian when he turn 18 and now my daughter turning 16 soon. So I can see talking about adults either parents themselves or families who children are reaching adulthood my son still in school he could of graduated last year but he is staying until he is 21 and he is in the 18-21 yr work program so working on those important vocational skills this summer he did 2 paid work trials he enjoy that as well. The older he became the more progress he has made in his life. His younger years were very hard on everyone but now he is doing so well. Now hoping my daughter will make it down the same path but right now she is down the wrong path I believe girls especially the teenage years are so much harder than with a boy. She was the easy one when she was younger but now I never know what she going to throw at us. having 2 on the spectrum at different levels both are verbal just not the same

•    Anonymous said... So true, my sons aunt & uncle have it.

•    Anonymous said... Surely, whoever asked the original was the parent of a very young child and just wasn't thinking it through. If the read these comments, they will quickly realize understand.

•    My 12 1/2 year old son was dx with Autism at 3 and will be an adult before too long. Like many others commenting, I now have no doubt that I am on the spectrum and possibly my husband. At 43, I don't see the benefit of seeking a dx for me. (Especially considering the cost involved since we only have private health insurance.)

•    Anonymous said... Thank you, yes indeed, its helpful and encouraging. I'm not alone. Although, I'm not HFA, my boys 24 and 19 are. We still don't know yet where/how or which genes came from. Their dad(I'm divorced)was abusive, so we parted years ago, when boys were 5 and still pregnant with younger one. It has been a long hard struggle, but thanking God, each day for my boys, I would do it all over again. They've struggled and sometimes still with anxiety. And they've been through a period of depression during high sch. They've been through a lot. Now younger one in 2nd year in college, older one rebalancing himself, he just recently restarted therapy and meds. Charactics of HFA are there, but they do love humor. And even a lil bit of sports. We live in a small town. We are native Americans, so healthcare wasn't all that great for my boys. Seems not enough good therapist here, but yes indeed, we are getting there. God provides. I do want my boys to attend church with me, but I've tried asking before,they do believe God exists and they probably know the Holy Bible better than I do.lol so now I attend church for the three of us. Any suggestions? And dating is/was hard. So its like a the back burner.lol any suggestions? I just wanna share with anyone who cares to listen....only God will carry you and family through the fire. Its just as simple as that. Im praying for all parents and kiddos here. I appreciate all your comments/suggestions.very helpful indeed. May God bless y'all and never give up on your children, no matter what. Have a great day!

•    Anonymous said... The other factor to consider if that as a parent of an almost 18 year old with Aspergers, (as well a other dx) I will not stop being his parent because he turns18. There is limited support and resources for teens and adults, compared to the younger kids...just as when he was younger there was little information compared to now. I'm always having to work for new ideas for motivation, his self care, advocacy and so much more. Its appreciated having as many resources as possible when trying to guide my son to his independence whole allowing him to remain himself.

•    Anonymous said... The points made is so true, one kids grow up, and some adults shpuld b tested too, they may not b aware they have it,,, special guidance is needed 

•    Anonymous said... We were just clinically "quirky" back then.

 
*   Anonymous said... It's kind of funny to think that even if someone had noticed something was off about me when I was a kid, there was no way I could have been diagnosed correctly. I was born in 1977, so at the time, Asperger's hadn't been recognized officially as a condition and wasn't included in the diagnostic manuals until 1995 (when I graduated high school incidentally). The issue of adults with Asperger's is a relatively new thing, which probably explains why it is so difficult to find trained counselors to help out adults instead of kids. I tend to think the adults have unique problems that children with Asperger's don't, primarily depression for years of feeling "off", and improperly learned communication habits. Years ago, someone with Asperger's was just considered strange. If they entered into a relationship, as long as they were male, then the standoffishness and silence was considered part of "being a man". Times have changed, though, and communication has become a huge part of our society. EVERY job these days requires good communication skills, and there is almost no way you are going to enter a relationship and get away with be standoffish. Hopefully, as time progresses, treatment options to help aspies deal with these issues will improve. In the mean time, sites like this one are a fantastic way for aspies to talk to each other and help find ways to deal with the day to day issues of being part of a different world. It's also a great way to practice communicating.

•    Anonymous said… I have to be dragged into doing everything and the more important it is the harder it seems to be to get me to do it. I can know it's important and still can't seem to do it, I even get in a right stress with myself for being so crap.

•    Anonymous said… I wasted so much time with this and worrying about inadvertently offending others or worrying about people thinking that I'm one narrow archetype or another; one overly serious and literal - or alternately a creative eccentric. The more I was aware of how different it was, the more concerned and slightly avoidant I became. I used to only do groceries late at night when the shopper count drops dramatically. Now I realize though that the desire to fit with what I 'thought' was the norm took energy away from other pursuits. This maladaptive over-processing ironically leads to more self surrounding than would happen if we instead dedicated ourselves to our "hyper focussed" pursuits. At least our interests, if they could lead to niche careers, would ultimately bestow more success, achievement and the confidence of identity that then begets more social, cultural and capital exposure.

•    Anonymous said… Sounds like me. I always thought this was normal for I never really wanted to connect to people anyway.

•    Anonymous said… that's pretty much me. I find tho, once I get going it's ok, but most of the time I don't go out anywhere and I try not to run into my roomate if I can help it. I shouldn't even have a roomate to begin with and it keeps me from getting to a place of processing b4 I can go out. It sux.  

 

*   This may sound familiar, but this totally sounds like me. I've gotten counselling for supposed Asperger's starting with one-on-one and slowly integrating into group sessions. A lot of those self-help tips I've heard before, either from my counsellor or people around me like my parents ("join a group you enjoy, put yourself out there, get more comfortable with socializing"). It's tough and there's some reluctance on my part but I am trying to cope. I'm going to get tested tomorrow to see if I have Asperger's/HFA/ASD, AvPD, social anxiety disorder, or a mix of those. hopefully, it will bring some relief to have an official diagnosis so I can get more outside help, to help me fight this battle.

*   Actually we avoid people and interpersonal situations because we feel SUPERIOR to the stupid normies that we are forced to coexist with. We don't speak: "STUPID" A world ruled by Aspis would be a perfect peaceful Utopia. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. 

Please post your comment below…

Fostering the Development of Self-Reliance in Kids and Teens with ASD Level 1

"At what point do I cross the line from being an advocate for my child (with ASD) to being an enabler? In other words, when/how do parents do their child a disfavor by 'helping too much'."

Parents of a child with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often have trouble knowing how much to help out their “suffering” youngster at certain times in his or her life. However, if they have “stepped-in” time and time again to over-protect and over-assist their youngster, it often results is serious problems for that child later in life. Moms and dads are not doing their youngster any favors by over-assisting – in fact, quite the opposite.

Overprotective parents mean well. After all, it's their job to protect their youngster from harm. But unfortunately, some parents of AS and HFA children go too far. They started out by being their child’s advocate – and this is all well and good – but then they progressed way beyond advocacy to an overprotective parenting style. They figured the more hands-on and involved they are in their “special needs” child’s life, the better – but this is definitely not true.



Some early signs of overprotective parenting include the following: 

• Being quick to punish transgressions
• Expectations that the youngster understand adult rules of deference and demeanor
• Having strict rules of neatness, which do not allow the youngster to get dirt on his clothes or on himself
• Having unnecessarily strict rules (e.g., remaining in the same room with the mother or father at all times, even at age 5 or 6)
• Highly structured rules that try to cover every phase of the youngster’s life
• Immediately running to examine the youngster when she has a simple fall that produces no distress; if a whimper is the worst result, the mother or father may have candy or a toy ready for comfort
• Over-dependence on a system of rewards and punishments
• Over-emphasis of academic success
• Protection from all harm whether physical or emotional

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Adult Children with Aspergers and Their Over-Protective Parents 



What are some of the negative outcomes related to an overprotective parenting style? Here are just a few:

1. A grown-up gains confidence by working hard and mastering whatever it is he or she seeks to accomplish – and a child gains confidence the same way. But if an overprotective parent (who hates to see her AS or HFA youngster struggle) does tasks FOR him, the child is not given the opportunity to develop his own skills. Thus, he risks going through life with little or no confidence. An overprotective parent inadvertently sends the message that her youngster is not capable of doing an adequate job, or that she doesn't trust her youngster to make the right decisions.

2. One of the most important jobs a parent has is to prepare her youngster to be an independent and productive adult. But an overprotective parent can't let go – even after her older teen or young adult has left home to attend college. Some moms and dads negotiate work contracts on behalf of their “special needs” adult child. And the most extreme parents even attend job interviews with their adult child, which rarely impresses any potential employer.

3. An overprotective parenting style can cause the lack of the development of self-esteem in the AS or HFA youngster. This is because he is not allowed to face challenges without parental intervention. Part of the development of self-esteem in kids comes from surmounting challenges on their own, which can be denied to them by an overprotective mother or father.

 

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

4. When a parent does too much “safeguarding” in an effort to make her youngster’s life stress-free, it usually has the opposite effect. The overly-protected youngster eventually becomes depressed and suffers anxiety that he attributes to the obsessed parent. Instead of creating a happy and stress-free environment, the overprotective parent often accomplishes the opposite.

5. An overly protected child may feel that if his parents don’t trust him with the freedom to make mistakes and tackle problems on his own, then he may not have the ability to succeed in life without continued guidance.

So, what can parents do if they have been overly protective down through the years?

They should begin to foster the development of self-reliance in their child, rather than parental-reliance. For kids with AS and HFA, acquiring skills related to self-reliance is especially important. This is because their ability to express themselves clearly or interact with others may look different than what other kids typically do. Some grown-ups may mistakenly provide more support for a youngster on the autism spectrum than she actually needs. When a youngster is consistently prevented from taking even small risks, she will learn to feel helpless and dependent, rather than self-reliant.

Self-reliance is not about letting the child make every single decision that affects his life (e.g., what time to go to bed, deciding not to wear a coat in the winter time, etc.). Kids need very clear expectations, protection from harm, and loving guidance. Self-reliance is about providing opportunities so that AS and HFA kids develop the skills necessary to become independent, as well as to interact freely and joyfully within their environment.

When kids on the autism spectrum grow up, parents want them to have the necessary survival skills (e.g., speaking up and voicing opinions). Self-advocacy (i.e., the ability to speak on one’s own behalf) is an important and powerful outcome for kids with AS and HFA. By learning skills that promote self-reliance as a youngster, parents begin paving the way for her to effectively use her voice or other means to speak up on her own behalf.

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Just like a child needs to practice the violin to become proficient, AS and HFA kids need on-going practice to gain skills related to self-reliance. When these young people have numerous opportunities to practice making basic choices or solving simple problems, they build confidence and trust in their own abilities. They also build the competence and ability to master new skills that can last a lifetime.

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Below are a few important suggestions for promoting early self-reliance in your child. You can choose the ones that work for you, or adapt some of the suggestions so they match the preferences of your youngster and the rest of the family:

1. Create opportunities for your AS or HFA youngster to see his work, drawings or other art displayed (e.g., proudly show “found treasures,” artwork or other creations on a bulletin board or the refrigerator).

2. Develop routines WITH your youngster. Morning and bedtime are obvious times to come up with predictable routines. Have your child involved in the planning. For example, sit her down and ask, "What can we do to make our mornings go more smoothly?" Chances are your youngster will come up with the same ideas you might have – and since she came up with the idea (rather than you), she will be more likely to follow it. She may even pose some ideas you wouldn't have considered (e.g., having a granola bar for breakfast instead of pancakes). Beyond the morning and night, look for other times that you can come up with a flexible schedule. For example, when your youngster gets home from school, he can be in charge of getting his own snack instead of relying on you.

3. Provide a lot of regular acknowledgement and praise. When your youngster is trying something new, you can nearly guarantee his success by praising his efforts. Kids on the autism spectrum can get easily frustrated, but by cheering on their efforts, they learn that obstacles can be overcome. They need to learn patience as they learn to do something new, and moms and dads need to be patient as they encourage their kids. For example, it may take longer for your child to tie his shoes, so give him plenty of time and don't rush him. In the end, your child will not only learn to do more on his own, but he will become more self-reliant – and grateful that his mom and dad have confidence in his abilities.

 

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

4. Help your youngster to become a goal-setter. Autonomy often goes hand-in-hand with self-confidence. When your youngster feels like she has the ability to accomplish something small (e.g., making her own bed), she will then feel more able to do more difficult tasks (e.g., washing dishes, figuring out fractions, etc.). Help along her “sense of self” by teaching her to set goals. These goals don't have to be large tasks, or even for lengthy time periods. And the reward for her efforts should be her own sense of accomplishment. Chores are a good place to start with goal-setting. So, identify with your youngster specific tasks that she can do around the house and in her bedroom. Work with her to develop a chart to mark off each day or week that she gets her tasks done.

5. Of course, supervision is important to ensure that your youngster is safe. But to help her really learn a new skill, it's also important not to hover. Finding that balance can be tricky. That's why taking simple steps toward acquiring a new skill is crucial. Potentially dangerous or messy tasks (e.g., cutting, vacuuming, working with blenders, etc.) require supervision. But make sure that with other tasks (e.g., making beds, fixing simple meals, etc.), you step back and let your child show off her skills.

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

6. Let your youngster go alone. Are you the first to volunteer to chaperone the school fieldtrip? After all, what if your son forgets his sack lunch …or your daughter leaves her umbrella on the bus? Moms and dads should definitely sign up for one fieldtrip or a couple of classroom volunteer assignments each school year – but should not go to every activity. These activities serve as opportunities for kids to exert their independence while still being under adult supervision. After the activity, ask your youngster about the event. You may notice that he enjoyed going on the fieldtrip, not just because of the horses at the farm, but also because he felt responsible enough to take care of himself outside of school without his mom or dad around.

7. Let your AS or HFA child make mistakes, but be there to boost her spirits so she will keep trying. For example, if your youngster wants to learn how to make a home-made pizza, show her how. Then set up the ingredients and let her give it a try. True, you're likely in for a bit of a mess, but your youngster can help clean up (however imperfectly) after she is done crafting her pizza. Instead of pointing out that she added entirely too much mozzarella cheese, make an attempt to avoid any criticism that could discourage her from trying again. If parents step-in to assist, their youngster may get discouraged and never try it again.

8. Offer choices and solicit your youngster’s preferences for objects and activities (e.g., ask him which book of two books he wants, and ask if he wants to sit up or lie down to hear the story).

9. Provide your youngster ways to be independent in dressing and personal care.

10. Teach “life skills” to your child. Start simple with teaching day-to-day tasks. For example, have your youngster help you sort out clothes for the laundry. After the clothes are dried, give her a basket with her clothes folded inside. Once she is comfortable and confident putting away her own clothes, let her handle the folding, too. Introducing your youngster gradually to new skills will help her to feel confident to handle more demanding tasks.

These are just a few ideas to help you start thinking about ways to promote self-reliance at home. The key is to create opportunities where your youngster can feel happy, safe, and free within the world around him or her.

 

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

 

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Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

Aspergers Children and Attachment Problems

Delays and atypical behaviors related to Aspergers (high functioning autism) are observable in the first 2 years of life. Some babies with Aspergers show less-than-expected interest and pleasure in other people. Infants with Aspergers may share interests and activities less and may even babble less than other infants. Your baby may seem less interested in communicating through sounds or physical gestures, and his speech may be delayed to some extent or robotically copied from books or TV shows.

Kids with Aspergers tend to display better attachment to parents than kids with more severe forms of classical autism. However, you may notice that despite your youngster’s bonding with you, he still has difficulty connecting with her peers. Later in childhood, he may be more likely to engage in conversation (although this often is one-way conversation) with you and other adults than with his peers.

One mother of an Aspergers child recalls:

“My daughter was very much in her own world and I rarely felt that she and I connected; it was an odd feeling.”

Some children with Aspergers often appear to prefer being alone to the company of others and may passively accept such things as hugs and cuddling without reciprocating, or resist attention altogether. Later, they may seldom seek comfort from others or respond to parents' displays of anger or affection in a typical way. Research has suggested that although Aspergers children are attached to their parents, their expression of this attachment is unusual and difficult to interpret. Moms and dads who looked forward to the joys of cuddling, teaching, and playing with their child may feel disappointed by this lack of expected attachment behavior.

How Parents Can Help—

What exactly is it that highly-skilled parents do that helps the Aspergers child form a secure attachment?

Being sensitive and responsive to very young children seems to be the key. This means you are there when the child needs you and that you can be counted on to meet his needs, especially social needs.

Parents who are responsive to young children respond quickly to their needs, and they respond in a way that is in tune to the child. The adults who develop secure attachments with their very young children respond to crying more quickly. They are also more affectionate when they respond than parents who have kids that are not attached. Secure children know that adults will take care of them. This makes them easier to be around and they are easier to comfort.

Sensitive parents are also careful not to over-stimulate their young children. Kids need lots of loving. And they usually enjoy playing with adults. But it is easy for them to get overexcited. Very young children cannot walk away from you when they have had enough. But they do give signals. If the child looks down or won't look at you, it usually means that he is tired and wants to be left alone. A sensitive parent understands this. The mother or father leaves the young child alone for a while to let him calm down.

A sensitive parent reacts to the child's signals. The interaction has turn-taking, like a game of ping-pong. First the child sends a signal. This may be a sound or a look or a movement. The parent notices and signals back -- by imitating the sound, touching the foot that moved, or simply telling the child what she just did. Then the young child responds again, and the adult responds back again. The child and the parent carefully react to each other. Very young children who receive this high quality interaction are more likely to develop a secure attachment. This type of interaction also helps develop children's thinking skills.

Watch yourself the next time you are attending to your young Aspergers child. Are you talking and playing with him while also tending to his needs? If the answer is yes, then you know that you are doing much more than simply meeting the child's physical needs. You are also helping the child learn to trust adults and to feel safe and secure. Taking the time to "connect" with the Aspergers child is vitally important.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Individual Education Plan for Aspergers Children

Question

How can I get help in obtaining services that are supposedly out there and available? My son’s ISSP (IEP) looks fantastic on paper, but in reality, most of the services are not obtainable due to extremely long wait lists or shortage of workers to completely fill the positions.

Answer

Developing a relationship with your son’s school and creating an acceptable IEP, or Individual Education Plan, is very important. “How Well Does Your IEP Measure Up?” by Diane Twachtman-Cullen and Jennifer Twachtman-Reilly is a book that can help you grow to be a valuable member of your son’s IEP team, giving you insight into the IEP process. You’ll learn about often-neglected areas that should be addressed during the IEP meeting.

Your son’s school has obviously been cooperative, working with you and acknowledging his disabilities. However, without follow-through, all you have is a stack of papers. By law, your son is entitled to FAPE or a free, appropriate public education due to his diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. His IEP is a legal document. Your son’s school is legally responsible to uphold the contents of his IEP. There are procedures in place to protect all parties involved in the education plan. However, someone has to initiate these procedures.

At the time of your son’s IEP meeting, his IEP team leader should have reviewed your state’s laws and your rights as a parent of a child with special needs. You should have been given a copy of your state’s FAPE procedures and parent’s rights handbook. Now is the time to review this handbook and determine your first step.

You must initiate a legal procedure called due process. Once you file due process, you will have the opportunity to show proof that the school system is not fulfilling your son’s services as set in his IEP. Your parent handbook will outline the steps you must take to begin due process in your state. You, as the parent, are responsible for holding the school system accountable.

Preserving your relationship with your son’s school is very important. Even if you file for due process, your son will remain in their care until the process is resolved. You will want to be comfortable with this arrangement. Remember to maintain neutral communication. While this is a personal matter in your life, this is not a personal attack. Moreover, it doesn’t have to become one.

Contact your state’s special education advocacy support group. This group is in place to support the families of special needs kids by offering information and advocacy training services at no charge. This group can guide you through the legal process of receiving FAPE for your son.

Asperger’s and Family Support: Tips for Health Care Professionals and Parents

Effective management of Asperger’s (AS) and High Functioning Autism (HFA) should focus not only on the affected youngster, but also on the family. Although moms and dads once were viewed erroneously as the cause of a youngster's Autism Spectrum Disorder, it is now recognized that they play a major role in effective treatment.

Having a youngster on the autism spectrum has a significant effect on a family. Parents and siblings of autistic kids experience more stress and depression than those of kids who are “typically developing” – or even those who have other disabilities. Supporting the family and ensuring its emotional and physical health is an extremely important aspect of overall management of AS and HFA.



Doctors, therapists and other health care professionals can provide family support in the following ways: 

• assisting parents in advocating for their AS or HFA youngster's special needs
• assisting parents in advocating for the sibling's needs
• assisting parents in obtaining access to resources
• educating them about Autism Spectrum Disorders
• providing anticipatory guidance
• providing emotional support through traditional therapeutic techniques (e.g., empathetic listening, talking through problems, etc.)
• training and involving parents as “co-therapists”

In some cases, referral of moms and dads for counseling or other appropriate mental health services may be required. The need for support is longitudinal, although the specific needs may vary throughout the family life-cycle.

One of the main techniques for assisting parents is to help them access needed ongoing supports and additional services during critical periods and/or crises. Such assistance includes natural, informal and formal supports.

Natural supports include: 

• extended family members
• friends who can help with care-giving and who can provide psychological and emotional support
• neighbors
• religious institutions
• spouses

Informal supports include: 

• community agencies that provide training
• recreational activities
• respite
• social events
• social networks of other parents of kids on the autism spectrum

Formal supports include:  

• in-home and community-based waiver services
• Medicaid
• publicly funded, state-administrated programs (e.g., early intervention)
• residential/living services
• respite services
• special education
• Supplemental Security Income benefits
• vocational services

The breadth and depth of services vary, even within the same state or region. Few services exist in many rural areas, and public programs may have long waiting lists.

Sibling support groups offer the opportunity to learn valuable information and skills while sharing experiences and connecting with other siblings of kids on the spectrum. Although the research on support groups for siblings of AS and HFA kids is difficult to interpret (due to study-design problems and inconsistent outcome effects on sibling adjustment), these groups generally have been evaluated positively by participating siblings and parents.

Because each state has organized its services and access mechanisms differently, health care professionals and parents must learn their own state's unique rules to access supports by contacting the state or county offices of the states’ Department of Health and Human Services, local mental health facilities, or the state developmental disabilities organization.

Also, school district special education coordinators, national autism and related developmental disability organizations, local parent advocacy organizations, and early intervention administrators often are knowledgeable about various programs and their respective eligibility requirements.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Sensory and Motor Problems in Aspergers Children

In 1944 Hans Asperger, an Austrian physician, described a group of children with normal intelligence that had significant problems in social engagement, unusual and/or restricted interest, and an abnormally strong dislike for particular touch sensations (e.g., the feel of the texture of some clothes). These children could not tolerate the roughness of new clothes or of mended socks. Bathing and having their nails cut were also times of tantrums and stress.

Hans Asperger further mentions extreme sensitivity to noise, but at other times the children would also appear to be under responsive to auditory input. He describes an incident where a child appeared to have an unusual response to pain and was said to be “thrilled” when he obtained a wound needing medical attention. Alternately, this same child was described as fearful of falling out of his chair and of fast moving vehicles on the road.

The prevalence of motor problems in Aspergers children ranges from 50% to 85%. So, at least half of children diagnosed with Aspergers will have some form of motor problem. These problems can involve both fine motor tasks (involves skills of the hands) and gross motor tasks (activities such as walking, running, postural control etc.).

Although the defining characteristics of Aspergers are problems in social engagement and restricted interests, it is apparent that motor and sensory problems can also have a major impact on functioning. Poor motor skills may limit a youngster from engaging in the typical activities of his peers. His peers may also tease him because he is awkward or clumsy. Difficulty putting thoughts on paper because of physical problems with writing can make school work a nightmare. Aspergers kids may also use excessive or unusual motor behaviors to help provide sensory information that may make them feel more comfortable.

Sensory problems, particularly those related to auditory and tactile sensitivity, can also increase the social isolation of an Aspergers youngster. The young person may avoid groups and have difficulty in noisy environments (e.g., a birthday party). Rage or meltdown behaviors to sensory events that are overwhelming to the child can occur. These behaviors may be misinterpreted by parents as purely a lack of control – or a child who just “needs more discipline.” The youngster does needs to learn strategies to control rage and meltdown behaviors, but an understanding of the possible triggers for these behaviors and an appreciation for the extra effort he must exert to control himself can make discipline more efficient and effective for both the youngster and parent.

There are several steps necessary in an assessment of sensory motor problems in Aspergers kids. The overall assessment process will be different depending on the age of the child and whether he is assessed in a school, hospital or private facility.

The first step in an assessment procedure is identification of the presenting problem. Parents who suspect that their child has a problem are usually the ones who participate in this first step. Parents should trust their instincts if they think there is a problem. They should observe and then document their youngster’s behaviors. Documentation is recommended for both the problematic behaviors and the positive behaviors exhibited by the youngster. An easy chart can be used for this purpose. After completing the chart, the parent may be better equipped to notice patterns and describe problems when she is ready to make the referral to a trained professional in the field of sensory integration dysfunction.

If the process of documentation is not the chosen method to help with identification, the parent can directly discuss her concerns with trusted specialists and professionals (e.g., teachers, pediatricians, day care providers, etc.) who know her child well. The parent can also contact a local agency that employs pediatric occupational therapists to discuss problems and whether a referral for a sensory motor assessment is appropriate.

Once the problems are identified, parents have several choices. They can take the “wait and see” approach; however, this approach is not advisable if there is a probability that sensory motor problems get in the way of the child’s everyday activities – life may only get more difficult.

Some professionals suggest trying to improve the youngster’s “sensory diet” before doing an assessment. A sensory diet would involve adding sensory activities to the youngster’s daily routine in order to help him achieve a more optimal level of alertness and attention, as well as to reduce stress. Developing an effective sensory diet that specifically addresses problems might best be developed with assistance from an occupational therapist that has knowledge and experience with Aspergers, as well as an in-depth understanding of the youngster. Sensory diet programs are usually provided after the assessment of sensory motor problems is complete. A sensory diet should not be a replacement for direct intervention.

Examples of Sensory Diet Planning—

-Behavior: Hand flapping

-Sensory Explanation: Seeking heavy work to muscles and joints

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide fiddle toys; perform chair or wall push-ups; wear a weighted vest or blanket

-Behavior: Visual Stimulation such as finger flicking in front of eyes; over-focusing on small toys; moving eyes in odd ways

-Sensory Explanation: Multi-sensory sensitivity; Decreased vestibular processing; Difficulties with visual perception

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide strong, varied movement input; limit extraneous visual stimuli; Perform activities that couple vision with movement: i.e. targeting from a swing

-Behavior: Excessive mouthing and chewing on non-food objects

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased proprioceptive processing, especially to the mouth; Decreased tactile discrimination, especially in the mouth

-Sensory Diet Activity: Use resistive chewy toys that the person can chew on; Use a mini-massager to the mouth area; Provide chewy and crunchy foods; Try using strong flavors such as lemon, peppermint, and cinnamon

-Behavior: Rocking in chair or seat

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased vestibular processing; decreased proprioceptive processing; strong need for rhythm

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide a therapy ball to sit on; Provide movement breaks throughout the day; Sing rhythmical songs while person is swinging or moving; Provide a move and sit cushion or wedge for the seat (found in therapy catalogues and stores).

-Behavior: Head banging and Ear flicking

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased vestibular and proprioceptive processing

-Sensory Diet Activity: Allow regular use of a therapy ball or mini-trampoline; Provide opportunities for strong movement throughout the day; Do chair/wall push-ups; Have client engage in activities that provide strong vestibular and proprioceptive input such as swimming, skiing, hiking, biking, sailing, swinging, rock climbing, etc.

-Behavior: Humming or other vocalizations

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased proprioceptive and vestibular processing; Decreased auditory processing

-Sensory Diet Activity: Mini-massager to mouth, face and ear; Blow toys such as whistles and bubbles; Wear a walkman with calming music

-Behavior: Smelling and sniffing

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased gustatory and olfactory processing

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide strong flavors such as lemon, peppermint, and cinnamon

-Behavior: Spinning Self

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased vestibular processing (especially in the rotary plane)

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide very strong rotary input on a sit and spin; vary the direction and speed of movement on swings; hold hands with person while they spin in circles

-Behavior: Complains about clothing, hair washing, finger nail cutting, and the texture of food

-Sensory Explanation: Tactile defensiveness

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide deep touch pressure to the whole body through wrapping the person tightly in a sheet or blanket; engaging in a therapeutic brushing program (monitored in direct intervention); give squeezes in between pillows; cut tags out of clothes; buy seamless socks; stick to all-cotton fabrics; give strong touch input to shoulders when giving a haircut or cutting nails; lotion massages

-Behavior: Poor eye contact

-Sensory Explanation: Visual defensiveness or sensitivity

-Sensory Diet Activity: Reduce extraneous visual stimuli; Allow person to finish talking or listening before making eye contact; show person pictures of people that will be at a party or event ahead of time if possible to help them become acquainted with a variety of faces; provide strong vestibular input and encourage interaction during the movement

-Behavior: Difficulty maintaining personal space

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased proprioceptive and vestibular processing

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide a cushion or carpet square that delineates the person’s space; have person stand at the end of the line in school; Provide strong all-over-body proprioceptive input; Provide strong movement input on swings, sit and spin, ziplines, etc.

-Behavior: Voice volume is either too high or too low

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased auditory processing

-Sensory Diet Activity: Tape record the person’s voice to give them feedback regarding volume; provide blow toys such as whistles and bubbles; listen to rhythmical, calming music over headphones

-Behavior: Irrational fear of heights; strong aversion to movement; car-sickness

-Sensory Explanation: Decreased visual and vestibular processing

-Sensory Diet Activity: Provide chewy foods or candies in the car; Lemon drops and ginger snaps can help nausea; Provide a safe place for the person to try climbing or moving without other people present; couple vestibular activities with heavy work and stay in close proximity to person while they are moving

Once it’s clear that the problem is likely a sensory and/or motor problem, it’s important to refer to an occupational therapist to complete the screening and/or assessment. Possible sources for locating a specialist include:

• American Occupational Therapy Association

• occupational therapists in early intervention or public schools

• occupational therapy department of the local children’s hospital

• private practitioners listed in the telephone directory

Poor Sensory Processing in Aspergers Children—

When the child has a “low arousal” level, the nervous system has a decreased reaction to the sensory input coming in and therefore doesn’t react or respond as quickly, or at all, to the input. Children with low arousal level find it hard to remain alert and focused, tend to seek out a lot of input in order to better register and respond to it. They may be hard to motivate and get moving, or may be in perpetual motion.

Children with a “high arousal” level often respond to sensory stimuli with a strong response, frequently a fight/flight/fright response. They may flee from sensory input and seek a smaller, quieter space to get away from too much input, or they might scream in fright when confronted with too much sensory input.

Sometimes Aspergers children become aggressive when dealing with an overabundance of sensory stimuli and strike out against the person or object producing the input. They also may have a hard time remaining focused or calm in busier environments (e.g., grocery store, mall, social gathering, school cafeteria, etc.).

We all have peaks and valleys in our arousal levels throughout the day. However most of us manage to maintain an appropriate level of arousal to interact effectively with the environment. Aspergers children have difficulty maintaining an appropriate level of arousal, spend more time in a high or low level of arousal, and may constantly seek or avoid input to try and regulate arousal.

The following list shows some of the behaviors that Aspergers children may exhibit due to decreased ability to modulate and discriminate various sensory input. There are both “sensory seeking” and “sensory avoiding” behaviors depending on the issues. For example, one youngster might seek out messy play as a way to keep his system alert and to learn new skills, while another youngster may avoid messy play at all costs because he is “defensive” to tactile input (i.e., the child has an emotional or behavioral response to a stimulus that is out of proportion to the stimulus itself). These two examples describe tactile dysfunction; however, they are representative of two different types of dysfunction:

1. A child with “sensory defensiveness” exhibits the avoidance behaviors listed below. This child’s sensory input feels excessive to the child (e.g., sounds are too loud; smells are too strong; lights are too bright, etc.).

2. A child with “sensory aggressiveness” exhibits the seeking behaviors listed below. This child’s sensory input feels barely detectable to the child (e.g., sounds are too quiet; lights are too dim; tastes are too bland, etc.).

1. Auditory—

Seeking Behaviors:

• Oblivious to loud noises
• Seeks out loud music or noises

Avoiding Behaviors:

• Covers ears around loud noises such as toilets flushing, sirens, music, vacuum, etc.
• Displays sensitivity to high-pitched noises
• Distracted by subtle background noises such as the hum of fluorescent lights or the refrigerator
• Easily distracted by noise
• Grinds teeth or hums especially in busy or noisy environments
• Pulls at ears even though no ear infection

2. Gustatory/Olfactory—

Seeking Behaviors:

• Licks everything
• Seeks out very spicy or very sour foods
• Smells everything

Avoiding Behaviors:

• Avoids any new foods with new colors, textures, or tastes
• Avoids foods with mixed textures – such as smooth foods with lumps
• Displays a very strong preference for temperature of food or drink
• Has a very limited diet
• Prefers only crunchy foods
• Reacts defensively to food in mouth – especially with certain textures
• Reacts defensively to the smell of certain substances

3. Proprioceptive—

Seeking Behaviors:

• Crashes constantly onto ground
• Enjoys activities that provide heavy work such as hanging, pushing, pulling
• Likes to squeeze objects
• May flap hands a lot, crack knuckles, press hands together, or otherwise stimulate self
• May masturbate frequently
• Seeks out a lot of rough and tumble play

Avoiding Behaviors:

People do not generally avoid proprioceptive input as it tends to be an overall “organizing" or pleasing input to the sensory system.

4. Tactile—

Seeking Behaviors:

• Constantly poking, pushing, or touching other people
• Constantly touching or mouthing non-food objects
• Oblivious to food on hands or around face
• Oblivious to injuries to self such as bruises
• Seeks out messy play

Avoiding Behaviors:

• Adverse reaction to light touch experiences
• Aggressive with other people
• Avoids busy places
• Exhibits picky eating habits
• May dislike or avoid many daily hygiene activities such as tooth brushing, washing, and dressing

5. Vestibular—

Seeking Behaviors:

• Constantly in motion
• Jumps much of the time on beds or other surfaces
• Loves being tipped upside down
• Loves go-fast carnival or amusement park rides
• Loves swinging and finds it hard to stop
• Spins self around a lot

Avoiding Behaviors:

• Avoids swings or playground equipment
• Does not like the feeling of falling or doing forward rolls
• Does not like to have head tipped backward
• Fear of heights, elevators, and escalators
• Fear of lifting feet off of the ground
• Gets carsick easily

6. Visual—

Seeking Behaviors:

• Hyperfocuses on Visual input
• Very drawn to certain colors
• Very drawn to television
• Visually stimulates on objects such as lights, patterns, etc

Avoiding Behaviors:

• Blinks at bright lights or appears sensitive to sunlight
• Easily distracted by visual input
• Makes poor eye contact
• Prefers to play in the dark
• Rubs eyes often
• Squints when doing puzzles or other highly visual tasks

Aspergers children have a whole host of needs – and sensory integration is only one of the many intervention approaches that can benefit these children. They often require other interventions as well including:

• academic assistance

• behavioral therapy

• psychological and neuropsychological intervention

• social skill building

• speech and language therapy

• vision therapy

It is important that parents, teachers, therapists and doctors work together as a team to improve the lives of Aspergers children. Intervention ideas and activities can be shared and reinforced. The child and his family are the most important and vital part of intervention.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism