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Aspergers/HFA Children and Inflexibility: 25 Tips for Parents

"Why is my (high functioning) son so set in his ways. When he gets an idea in his mind, no amount of logic will budge him - very stubborn on multiple fronts."

Parenting kids with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) means making and sticking to routines and schedules – or paying the price! Kids with the disorder often insist on a rigid routine, and something as simple as the "wrong" cereal for breakfast can send them into a tantrum or a meltdown. They often insist that things remain the same!

Consider trains versus cars: AS and HFA kids are much more like little mental trains compared to the average mind that is much more like a car driving on a road. They require a specific route, a specific timetable, and often a specific set of rules for the journey from A to B. Unpredictability is not something that they appreciate – it is widely suggested that the firm, repeatable structure and routine which these kids form in their mind is what makes them secure and comfortable. Interjecting the hand of change for the sake of change is often – as moms and dads have discovered – a catastrophic event.

The Reasons for Inflexibility—
  • A misunderstanding or misinterpretation of another's action.
  • A violation of a rule or ritual, changing something from the way it is supposed to be, or someone is violating a rule and this is unacceptable to the youngster.
  • Anxiety about a current or upcoming event, no matter how trivial it might appear to you.
  • He cannot see alternatives.
  • He does not know how to let go and move on when there is a problem.
  • He does not understand the way the world works.
  • He feels that you must solve the problem for him even when it involves issues you have no control over.
  • He is “rule-bound.”
  • He sees only one way to solve a problem.
  • He suffers from black-and-white thinking.
  • He tends to misinterpret situations.
  • Immediate gratification of a need.
  • Lack of knowledge about how something is done; by not knowing how the world works with regard to specific situations and events, the youngster will act inappropriately instead.
  • Often, if your youngster cannot be perfect, she does not want to engage in an activity.
  • Other internal issues (e.g., sensory, inattention (ADHD), oppositional tendency (ODD), or other psychiatric issues)
  • The need to avoid or escape from a non-preferred activity, often something difficult or undesirable.
  • The need to control a situation.
  • The need to engage in or continue a preferred activity, usually an obsessive action or fantasy.
  • There are no small events in his mind – everything that goes wrong is a catastrophe.
  • Transitioning from one activity to another. This is usually a problem because it may mean ending an activity before he is finished with it.

The Behaviors Associated with Inflexibility—
  • Becoming easily overwhelmed and having difficulty calming down.
  • Creating their own set of rules for doing something.
  • Demanding unrealistic perfection in their handwriting, or wanting to avoid doing any writing.
  • Demonstrating unusual fears, anxiety, tantrums, and showing resistance to directions from others.
  • Displaying a good deal of silly behaviors because they are anxious or do not know what to do in a situation.
  • Eating a narrow range of foods.
  • Having a narrow range of interests, and becoming fixated on certain topics and/or routines.
  • Having trouble playing and socializing well with peers or avoiding socializing altogether. They prefer to be alone because others do not do things exactly as they do.
  • Insisting on having things and/or events occur in a certain way.
  • Intensely disliking loud noises and crowds.
  • Lecturing others or engaging in a monologue rather than having a reciprocal conversation.
  • Preferring to do the same things over and over.
  • Reacting poorly to new events, transitions, or changes.
  • Remaining in a fantasy world a good deal of the time and appearing unaware of events around them.
  • Tending to conserve energy and put forth the least effort they can, except with highly preferred activities.
  • Wanting things to go their way, when they want them to, no matter what anyone else may want. They may argue, throw a tantrum, ignore you, growl, refuse to yield, etc.

Questions to Ask Yourself—

To help you determine the reasons why your youngster behaves the way she does, you should ask yourself the following questions:
  1. Because a situation was one way the first time, does she feel it has to be that way always?
  2. Does she need to be taught a better way to deal with a problem?
  3. Does she see only two choices to a situation rather than many options?
  4. Has she made a rule that can't be followed?
  5. Is she blaming me for something that is beyond my control?
  6. Is she exaggerating the importance of an event?
  7. Is he expecting perfection in herself?
  8. Is she misunderstanding what is happening and assuming something that isn't true?
  9. Is she stuck on an idea and can't let it go?

Below are some ways you can help your youngster prepare for – and handle – change:

1. Acknowledge your youngster’s worries and fears. Allow him to feel angry, sad, and confused during times of change. These feelings are normal and your youngster needs to be allowed to express them. Acknowledge his feelings and respond sympathetically. You might say, “Yes, saying goodbye to a friend is really hard. That makes me feel sad, too.” Be sure to let your youngster know that you take his concerns seriously. For example, you can say, “Are you worried about going to a new school? I used to worry about that when I was your age, too,” or “I know you miss your old friends from last year. It’s hard when things change.”

2. Be a role model for your kids in handling your own stress in a healthy way. If your kids see you talking to others about problems, taking time to relax, and living a healthy lifestyle, your example is likely to rub off.

3. Be clear about rules and consequences. Let your kids know specifically what is expected and together decide on consequences for misbehavior. Then follow through. Teach ways of handling difficult situations. Talk through and role-play with your kids how they can handle a stressful situation.

4. Do what you can to be available during times of transition and change. For example, if your youngster has a hard time at the beginning or end of the school year, try to be more available during these times. Do what you can to simplify your family life so that you can focus on your youngster’s needs.

5. Encourage healthy eating. Teach your kids by words and example that eating a healthy diet makes their bodies better able to handle stress.

6. Encourage vigorous physical activities. If your kids do not exercise often, try family activities like bike riding, hiking, or swimming.

7. Encourage your youngster to write about worries in a journal.

8. Give back rubs and hugs. A short back or shoulder rub can help your kids relax and show them you care. Gentle physical touch is a powerful stress reliever.

9. Have a positive attitude. If you are confident about an upcoming change, your youngster will be positive, too.

10. Help your youngster mark the change. If your youngster’s best friend is moving away, help your youngster mark the occasion with a card, a gift, or a special event. Keep farewells and goodbyes simple and low key.

11. Help your youngster prepare for the move to a new school or town. If your youngster is going to a new school, visit the school before the first day of class, get a copy of the school newspaper, or go online and look at the school’s Web site together with your youngster. Try to help your youngster meet new teachers and staff before the start of school. If you will be moving out of town, try to visit your new neighborhood with your youngster before you move so your youngster is familiar with her new surroundings.

12. Help your kids talk about what is bothering them. Don’t force them to talk, but offer opportunities; bedtime or car trips are good times for this. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” ask questions such as, “How are things going at school with your teacher?” Do not criticize what your kids say or they will learn not to tell you things that bother them.

13. Involve your youngster in decisions about the change. For example, if the change involves a move, let your youngster choose colors for his new bedroom and arrange his things when you move in. When starting a new school or a new school year, let your youngster choose what to wear on the first day and to pick out his school supplies. Kids typically have no control over the major changes in their lives. By involving and including your youngster in such decisions, you help him feel more in control of the changes in his life.

14. Maintain family routines. Knowing what to expect helps your youngster feel grounded and secure, especially during times of transition. Maintain family routines around bedtime, TV, and family meals as much as possible.

15. Make regular use of “social stores” to help your youngster adjust to changes.

16. Show your youngster the positive ways that you handle change. Talk about how you feel during times of change and about what you do to cope. For example, let your youngster see the lists you make to help you stay organized and focused.

17. Spend special one-to-one time. Find hobbies or other activities that you can do alone with your youngster. This allows for time to talk as well as time for having fun together.

18. Stick to a routine to keep them feeling secure, but don't shield them from changing situations; doing so will strengthen their belief that the details of life should stay the same.

19. Talk about the change. Talk about what will happen and what the change will mean for all of you. For example, if you will be moving to a new installation, talk about how hard that is, how fun it is, and what to expect. Answer as many of your youngster’s questions as you can, such as how long the move will take, how far your new home is from school, and what you know about the school and town.

20. Talk with your youngster’s teacher or child care provider about changes going on in your family life.

21. Teach relaxation skills. Show your kids how to relax by remembering and imagining pleasant situations like a favorite vacation or happy experience.

22. Teach your kids that mistakes are OK. Let them know that all people, including you, make mistakes. Mistakes are for learning.

23. Tell stories about dealing with stress. For example, if your youngster is afraid of a new situation, tell a story about how you once felt in a similar situation and what you did to cope, or find a library book that shows a youngster coping successfully with stress.

24. Try to keep other changes in your youngster’s life to a minimum during times of transition. For example, if you are going through a big change at home, this is not the time to send your youngster to a new camp or new after-school program.

25. Warn them ahead of time when changes are going to occur.

AS and HFA kids often appear pig-headed, stubborn, and down-right rude when they are faced with change. Let’s be honest; they don’t want to step outside their sandbox. Moms and dads in this situation not only need to understand that their youngster is routine-based, but they need to proactively predict when their youngster will require a routine. But, never forget that your youngster doesn’t believe that he is doing something wrong by presenting as stubborn towards change. He is merely trying to protect himself — and he wants you to help him feel secure by allowing him to do things in a sturdy, structured way. Using the tips above should make things run a bit more smoothly.

==> My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Aspergers and Interpersonal Relationships

Aspergers (AS) may lead to problems in social interaction with peers. These problems can be severe or mild depending on the individual.

Kids with AS (also called high functioning autism) are often the target of bullying at school due to their idiosyncratic behavior, precise language, unusual interests, and impaired ability to perceive and respond in socially expected ways to nonverbal cues, particularly in interpersonal conflict. Kids with AS may be overly literal, and may have difficulty interpreting and responding to sarcasm, banter, or metaphorical speech. Difficulties with social interaction may also be manifest in a lack of play with other kids.

The above problems can even arise in the family; given an unfavorable family environment, the youngster may be subject to emotional abuse. A youngster or adolescent with AS is often puzzled by this mistreatment, unaware of what has been done incorrectly. Unlike other pervasive development disorders, most kids with AS want to be social, but fail to socialize successfully, which can lead to later withdrawal and asocial behavior, especially in adolescence. At this stage of life especially, they risk being drawn into unsuitable and inappropriate friendships and social groups. Individuals with AS often interact better with those considerably older or younger than themselves, rather than those within their own age group.

Kids with AS often display advanced abilities for their age in language, reading, mathematics, spatial skills, and/or music—sometimes into the "gifted" range—but this may be counterbalanced by considerable delays in other developmental areas. This combination of traits can lead to problems with teachers and other authority figures. A youngster with AS might be regarded by teachers as a "problem child" or a "poor performer." The youngster’s extremely low tolerance for what they perceive to be ordinary and mediocre tasks, such as typical homework assignments, can easily become frustrating; a teacher may well consider the youngster arrogant, spiteful, and insubordinate. Lack of support and understanding, in combination with the youngster's anxieties, can result in problematic behavior (such as severe tantrums, violent and angry outbursts, and withdrawal).

AS causes problems with language, communication and social interaction. An individual with AS may not be able to make friends easily and may also find two-way conversation difficult. She may appear to talk at people, rather than with them and fixate on favorite topics even if the other party shows distinct signs of disinterest or distress. She continues to talk about the topic and is oblivious to the other party's reaction. She also may misunderstand language at time and taking many things literally, missing subtlety.

In a relationship, the communication problems can easily lead to misunderstandings. In relationships, the neurotypical (i.e., non-Aspergers) individual often takes on the role of helping the individual with Aspergers and others understand each other better in social situations. Some romantic relationships also become strained because the neurotypical person gets frustrated with being the couple's main social connection to the rest of the world.

Two traits sometimes found in AS people are mind-blindness (the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and alexithymia (the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in oneself or others), which reduce the ability to be empathetically attuned to others. Alexithymia in AS functions as an independent variable relying on different neural networks than those implicated in theory of mind. In fact, lack of Theory of Mind in AS may be a result of a lack of information available to the mind due to the operation of the alexithymic deficit.

A second issue related to alexithymia involves the inability to identify and modulate strong emotions such as sadness or anger, which leaves the individual prone to sudden affective outbursts such as crying or rage. The inability to express feelings using words may also predispose the individual to use physical acts to articulate the mood and release the emotional energy.

Individuals with AS report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them. They may have difficulty finding a life partner or getting married due to poor social skills. The complexity and inconsistency of the social world can pose an extreme challenge for people with AS. In the UK, AS is covered by the Disability Discrimination Act; those with AS who get treated badly because of it may have some redress. The first case was Hewett v Motorola 2004 (sometimes referred to as Hewitt) and the second was Isles v Ealing Council. The same applies in the United States with the Americans with Disabilities Act, amended in 2008 to include autism spectrum disorders.

The intense focus and tendency to work things out logically often grants individuals with AS a high level of ability in their field of interest. The person with AS can lead a profitable career and a fulfilled life when these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task. The youngster obsessed with a specific area may succeed in employment related to that area.

Many kids with AS reach adulthood without being diagnosed with this neurological disorder. Adults with AS are often just regarded as “weird”, unable to maintain more than a superficial level of relating to others. Because they lack empathy it can be particularly difficult for them to relate to kids. As with autism, males are diagnosed much more frequently than females with AS, but that might be an artifact of male personality versus female as regards a generally more sociable temperament in girls and women.

The descriptions here are in no way critical. They are simply descriptive of the typical adult behavior and temperament of this condition.

Being partnered to an AS spouse comes with its own set of marital difficulties. Of primary concern is the lack of intimacy and reciprocation of emotion. This is the most common reason for marriage breakdown associated with this disorder.

Communication is difficult because individuals with AS are not facile with give-and-take and are unlikely to offer apologies or acknowledge responsibility for failed relationships. They may become overly sensitive to criticism or suspicious of others and, because they harbor lingering resentment over perceived slights, they are seen by others as being paranoid.

Family and peers may become exasperated by the AS person’s self-centered insensitivity, obsessive, and rigid inflexibility. In situations requiring ultimate agreement (such as custody situations) conversation is often one-sided, long-winded, circumstantial, and lecture-like. Conclusions are difficult to reach because individuals with AS need to always have “one last word.”

While comprehension of the nonverbal communication of others is poor, some individuals with AS appear to have special talents or skills, and some have highly successful careers, particularly in certain professions requiring rote memory.

For grown-ups with AS, social skills training will help in dealing with spouses and children. Training involves teaching the individual to recognize facial expressions, learn body language skills, and learn to verbally interact with others at a more functioning level. This type of training does not come naturally to the person with AS, particularly as it requires willingness to accept constructive criticism.

Counseling for all parties can also be helpful in understanding this condition and in improving relationships.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Syndrome: A Comprehensive Summary

Aspergers Behavior—

Aspergers behavior has many faces and especially its variability makes it impossible to describe a stereotype Aspergers youngster or grown-up. This stereotype does not exist. Individuals with Aspergers are all different and all individuals so their behavior may differ too.

Society today judges someone mostly on how they look, behave and communicate. An individual with Aspergers does not look different from others but does show different behavior and communication. The Aspergers behavior might strike us as odd.

They appear to be insensitive towards other people’s feelings and unable to read between the lines. They don’t seem to be willing in sharing experiences or interests with individuals close to them. This is even present in young kids.

They don’t pick up on non verbal communication and they lack a sense of what is socially appropriate to do. They avoid eye contact and mostly don’t like to be touched.

This may all seem like the unwillingness in responding to others however their behavior is characterized by an inability to understand how to interact socially. I emphasize the word inability because they sometimes want to socialize but just don’t know how to do it.

Their Aspergers behavior appears to lack empathy and may seem selfish to the untrained eye. One-sided conversations are common as well as long speeches about their own favorite subjects. They are unable to pick up on any signs of the other person losing interest or wanting to change the subject. Internal thoughts are often verbalized out loud without warning. Their honesty may result in remarks that offend others because the rule never to lie is taken too strict. Also their inflexibility and fear of change can cause anxiety which can lead to behavioral problems.

All these typical behaviors will affect the way they relate to the individuals around them.

Relationships—

Starting and maintaining a relationship is a difficult thing to do for those with Aspergers. It requires good communication, the ability to interact socially and be interested in others. In order to have a relationship it is necessary to be able to understand the emotions and feelings of the other person and handle those feelings well. Most of the time, these qualities do not come natural to individuals with Aspergers, since they exhibit typical characteristics that affect their ability to relate to others in a meaningful way. It can be hard for them to even relate to their own family members.

Skills—

There are different roles in relationships individuals are engaged in. All those different roles for the relationship require different skills.

Individuals with Aspergers have trouble recognizing their own emotions and especially expressing them in a proper way. This can cause anger tantrums; they have an inability to be emphatic towards others. In order to be emphatic they have to be able to understand the impact their own behavior has on other people's feelings. Most of the time, those with Aspergers are not aware of the impact their behavior is causing. This makes relationships challenging for them.

Spouses—

Especially in an intimate relationship, feelings must be expressed. This can be very hard for those with Aspergers. In a relationship, self-disclosure is key… it’s part of creating that special bond between individuals. To get in touch with their own feelings and be able to express them on the right moment and in the right way can be extremely difficult for Aspergers spouses.

Siblings—

Some kids without Aspergers learn a lot from the relationship they have with their Aspergers Siblings It can take siblings with Aspergers a lot longer to learn how to share or take turns in their joint play. Many older brothers or sisters with Aspergers will try to control their younger siblings by dominating the play or laying down the rules. The lack of imaginative play and flexible thinking as well as their love for rituals and sameness will produce typical behavior which can be hard to deal with.

Friends—

In order to be able to interact with others, it is necessary for everybody to be able to make friends Young kids do this from an early age and get a lot of practice in school. Kids with Aspergers are sometimes unable to play the subtle game of becoming friends with their peers. It will take more time for them in order to understand what being friends means.

The Aspergers behavior is affecting the ability to form long lasting relationships such as having friends. However if they find someone they connect to, it can last forever!

Aspergers Diagnosis—

Aspergers is an autistic disorder named after Hans Asperger a child psychiatrist from Austria.

According to Tony Attwood, a specialist in the field of Aspergers, the average age in which kids are diagnosed with Aspergers, is eight years old. This average number means that some individuals get a diagnosis later on in life, as grown-ups and others might get it in early childhood. The Aspergers diagnosis appears to be given later in life than diagnosis of other autistic disorders.

For moms and dads, finding out your youngster has Aspergers can be a shock. Read my personal story on what happened to me after I got the diagnosis off my oldest son.

Signs and Symptoms—

Aspergers is a mild form of autism that can be easily overlooked in young kids. The signs and symptoms are not always that clear to parents and educators and may become more obvious when the youngster gets older.

A lot of research has been done into the typical criteria for Aspergers. Which signs or what typical behavior do you need to see in order to get a diagnosis for Aspergers? The list of criteria according to Szatmari and his colleagues is worth looking at because it gives a complete picture of the behavior kids with Aspergers can display.

Up until now there is no consensus or agreement on which diagnostic criteria will define the Aspergers in total. There are several lists of criteria researchers can choose from. Apart from the list made by Szatmari as mentioned above, there is another list circulating which also gives a clear picture of what to look for in a youngster’s behavior.

Importance—

The importance of getting a diagnosis cannot be emphasized enough. If it's unknown what causes the youngster or grown-up to behave so strangely you can never get them the help they need and are entitled to. And they do need help!

Their behavior can be so off tune and be offensive towards individuals without them even realizing it. They don’t mean to hurt anybody with their remarks but simply cannot grasp the fact that their remarks might be painful or rude. This is caused by their lack of imagination which makes it hard for them to show empathy towards others.

The most important book used to diagnose autism is: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the DSM-IV. This book sees Aspergers as a separate category.

The following list shows there is a specific combination of behavioral indicators which are used by professionals to diagnose autistic disorders such as Aspergers:

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction
2. The presence of restricted, repetitive and stereotyped behaviors and interests
3. Significant impairment in important areas of functioning
4. No significant delay in language
5. No significant delay in cognitive development, self-help skills, or adaptive behavior (other than social interaction)
6. The symptoms must not be better accounted for by another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia.

The DSM IV handbook has his own list of diagnostic criteria and so does the World Health Organization (WHO).

What is considered normal?

Individuals with Aspergers see the world from a different point of view. They think “normal” people speak in riddles. Why don’t they say what they mean? How come they are not interested in details like me? Why are relationships so complicated? Why use non verbal signs like body language instead of just telling something like it is!

Individuals with Aspergers think their world is more logical then ours. The majority of individuals however think differently so that majority is considered normal. Individuals with autism have to adjust to our “strange” way of relating to each other and our ways of communication. It’s very hard for them to adjust to something so far off from logic. Most of the time, they are truly unable to do so.

The individuals around them need to understand and relate to their different way of thinking. In order to be able to do that, a diagnosis is important. If you don’t know what is wrong how can you help or reach out?

Aspergers Symptoms—

Aspergers symptoms are not the same for every youngster or grown-up with this diagnosis. Aspergers individuals are all different individuals with their own unique set of characteristics. However they do have some of them in common.

Some Aspergers symptoms are:

1. Clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements
2. Fear of changes; sameness in daily routines
3. Inflexibility or rigid thinking
4. Lack of empathy
5. Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject
6. Peculiarities in speech and language
7. Problems with nonverbal communication
8. Repetitive behaviors or rituals
9. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior

Triad of impairments—

A researcher named Lorna Wing has established a breakthrough in the search for typical Aspergers characteristics. Together with her colleagues, she found out all the kids in her research group had each of the following three typical Aspergers symptoms:

1. Impairment in communication; both verbal as well as non-verbal
2. Impairment in social imagination; combined with inflexible thinking and repetitive behavior
3. Impairment in social interaction; such as being unable to make friends in your peer group

So in other words, individuals with Aspergers have a lack in social interaction, they have poor communication and lack of imagination. These are the most obvious Aspergers symptoms. Not one of them or two out of three: they always come together. There is no random combination possible… one cannot be there without the others.

This is why it is called the triad of impairments. This triad has a huge impact on every aspect of life when you are diagnosed with Aspergers.

Limited interests or preoccupation—

One of the Aspergers signs can be the limitation or preoccupation with subjects or interest can be obsessive as well as intense. Of course being all individuals there are different subjects of interest but some common interests are trains, planes, space craft, dinosaurs, astronomy, science fiction, math or computers. Normal kids may have these interests too but kids with Aspergers have a very unusual intensity that goes with it. They seem to be focused on memorizing facts rather than understanding the real issue they love so much. Their outstanding memory and focus on details and their inability to see the bigger picture helps them to be seen as “little professors” in their field of interest.

Delayed Motor movements—

Kids with Aspergers may have a delay in their development of motor skills. Tying shoelaces, learning how to swim, catching a ball or ride a bike without the training wheels can be very hard for them to do. Sometimes they show a strange way of walking or display compulsive movements of their hands, fingers or legs such as tics.

Aspergers and Kids--

Aspergers is an autistic disorder. However unlike other forms of autism Aspergers is not marked by severe delay in language acquisition before the age of three. The cognitive development of Aspergers kids before that same age is not delayed either. In fact most of them have advanced language and intellectual development. This is why most kids can attend mainstream schools. They might need some preparations prior to their school entry.

Due to their relatively good behavior kids with Aspergers are not easily qualified for supportive services. However they are too impaired to go without support and I strongly believe they are entitled to it. Teaching kids with Aspergers has to be taken seriously by parents, educators and schools. Most moms and dads wonder how to tell their youngster it has been diagnosed with Aspergers. This can be a hard thing to do but it's very important to be as open as possible on this to the youngster involved. The sooner the better! His or her self esteem will benefit from knowing it has Aspergers instead of wondering what is wrong with them all the time or blaming himself for not being able to make friends in school.

Symptoms of Aspergers in Kids—

Even though this disorder may be hard to diagnose, in many cases there are very clear Aspergers symptoms in kids. Kids as young as toddlers can show signs of autism. A strong indication can be when they arrange their toys in lines (or other patterns) instead of really playing with it.

The following characteristics are considered symptoms of Aspergers:

Social interaction—

• A dislike to any change in their routine
• Lack of initiating joint attention
• Lack of interest in other individuals
• Preoccupations for one particular subject or interest
• Social withdrawal
• They lack empathy so feelings of other individuals go unnoticed
• Try to avoid eye contact

Communication—

• Advanced formal style of speaking
• At young age: echolalia (the repetition of phrases and words)
• No pick up on non verbal signs such as body language
• One-sided conversations
• Social clues go unnoticed
• Subtle differences in speech tone go unnoticed
• Their own speech can be flat because it lacks accents, pitch and tone
• Trouble in maintaining a conversation or starting one
• Unable to take turns talking
• Verbalization of their internal thoughts

Motor skills—

• Clumsiness
• Repetitive movements of body parts such as arms, hands or fingers.
• Their facial expressions and posture may be unusual
• Their motor development is delayed
• Uncoordinated motor movements

When their motor development is delayed this means kids with Aspergers have trouble learning how to swim or ride a bike without training wheels. Some of them have trouble tying their shoelaces, catching a ball or using a fork and spoon during dinner.

Apart from all this kids with disorders in the autistic spectrum can be very sensitive. Their senses are developed so well and they seem unable to filter sounds and other stimuli. They can become over stimulated by loud noises such as singing on a birthday party, strong lights, sudden movements, strong taste and textures. Go to sensory overload for more information.

The good news is: from all the individuals with autism disorders, kids with Aspergers typically take more action into making friends and make more effort in engaging themselves in activities with others.

Aspergers in School—

Teaching kids with Aspergers is a difficult task to handle specially when there are so many other kids in the same class who are also entitled to the undivided attention of the teacher.

The best way to understand how kids with Aspergers feel in school is by reading the book: Martian in the playground. It's written by a woman who has Aspergers herself and who describes how this challenged her during her time in school. It gave me a much better understanding of both my sons and their behavior in school. I can really recommend this book to all parents and educators out there who are dealing with those who have Aspergers on a daily basis.

Some kids benefit from preparations at home or in school.

Most kids with Aspergers are smart and sometimes even gifted, however in order to perform in regular schools it will take a teacher who understands the unique Aspergers traits that come along with this disorder.

Those symptoms or characteristics can be hard to deal with, especially within the school setting but understanding the complexity of Aspergers and finding it interesting and challenging to work with these pupils is a must for everyone who is teaching kids with Aspergers.

Teaching Kids with Aspergers—

When teaching kids with Aspergers one must be aware of the educators and classroom influences and the way those influences affect the students.

Research of Stipek (1996) has shown that virtually everything a teacher does has a potential motivational impact on students. There is increasing recognition of the reciprocal influence between educators and students. Not only do educators influence students by their planning and instructional activities, but students influence teacher’s thoughts and behavior by their reaction to classroom activities. A controversial but classic study conducted in 1968 concluded that teacher expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecies because the achievements students have reflect the expectations of their educators.

All kids with Aspergers are different and will have unique characteristics and behavior. The Aspergers will be displayed differently in every one diagnosed with the disorder. This can make it hard for schools to adjust their program or restructure the environment in the classroom. Read more on how to cope with Aspergers in class. Sometimes it can be as simple as to add a few clocks, create a special workplace, buy earplugs, make schedules and visualize everything. Breaking up the task they need to learn into small steps can be a great help. Repeat those steps over and over again and they will get it eventually. Copy worksheets and give those Aspergers students more space to write, give them longer and wider lines! Use of a lap-top in school or headsets can turn out to be great ways of helping kids with Aspergers. The best help however may come from a different angle.

Moms and dads are a reliable source of good information about the youngster. It is my belief most parents of kids with autism disorders such as Aspergers are very much in tune with their youngster. Some moms and dads even say it comes natural to them and they know exactly how to respond in the right way. It may take others months to figure out how to deal with some of the Aspergers traits and characteristics since every youngster has its own unique personality.

If only moms and dads were take seriously and turned to for advice more. It is vital for all educators to co-operate with parents. Let’s try to get as much information out of those information resources as you can, it will benefit the youngster and maybe even your classroom atmosphere. Do whatever it takes to make your own job easier and reach out to create that safe space for every student!

Aspergers Teenagers—

Unlike a lot of other teenagers with autism spectrum disorders, most Aspergers teenagers want to interact socially and have friends. The lack of social skills can be learned by these teenagers but their inability to pick up nonverbal signs, “read “ others behavior and poor communication skills makes it hard for them to be successful.

They may feel different and can experience anxiety when approaching other teenagers, always wondering why they have such a hard time fitting in. Trying to fit in can be a frustrating process and teenagers with Aspergers can be drained emotionally from this. It can cause anxiety or depression and may lead to social withdrawal. They may also be immature for their age, too naive and too trusting, which makes them an easy target for teasing and bullying.

Some teenagers may be shy or intimidated, talk too little and are extremely sensitive to criticism and need continual reassurance. They may think that the things that others do accidentally (such as bumping into them) are done deliberately to upset them.

Other Aspergers individuals can be blunt, interrupt their peers and take over a conversation to talk about their area of personal interest.

If they have been diagnosed earlier it is possible for them to learn social skills if they feel accepted within their peer group. Most Aspergers teenagers are able to develop friendships.

Challenges in school—

Aspergers Teenagers develop their thinking and learning skills at an unusual age or in an unusual way because their brain processes information differently. This means they can excel in some abilities like language, vocabulary, math or music but are delayed in other areas. They may have problems with authority figures such as educators. The ins and outs of Aspergers from an authentic point of view are described in the book by Luke Jackson. I can highly recommend this book for every teenager with Aspergers of parents with Aspergers teenagers. It is fun to read and to find out how the mind of an Aspergers teenager works in a different way. It will make you understand your teenager better!

Teenagers with Aspergers need an intellectual challenge and show low tolerance for ordinary homework or mediocre tasks. It can be frustrated for them to be regarded by educators as poor performers or arrogant only because they do not feel challenged in school. Sometimes their delay in motor skills will affect their handwriting so much they resent written assignments.

Most teenagers are able to overcome their lack in social skills and learn these skills intellectually rather than intuitively. I believe many Aspergers Teenagers have much going for them:

Strengths—

Aspergers teenagers are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking. They are original and creative thinkers and are in pursuit for original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom since many of their advanced abilities are in the gifted range. Their narrow area of interest can make them experts in their field. They can be talented and enjoy academic success. Their dedication and commitment makes them driven to perform well in school.

Many great scientists, writers and artists are thought to have had Aspergers, including many Nobel Prize winners.

Aspergers Symptoms in Adults—

Classified as one of the pervasive development disorders Aspergers is also seen in many grown-ups. The brain of individuals with Adult Aspergers works in a different way, especially when it comes down to processing information. Their focus is on details and mostly these grown-ups have specialized in one field of interest. Aspergers symptoms in adults can stabilize over time and this provides them with opportunities to improve their social skills and behavior.

Aspergers symptoms in grown-ups are impairments in social interaction like maintaining friendships or feeling the need to engage in activities with others. There are also impairments in communication such as taken whatever is said literally and being unable to read between the lines. A good way to communicate with Aspergers Adults is to use Socratic Communication.

There could be an inability to listen to others and pick up on non verbal signs such as body language or facial expressions.

Lifelong Condition—

It’s a lifelong condition without cure or treatment but because grown-ups have a good understanding of their strengths and weaknesses they can develop coping skills. There are programs which offer social trainings to improve social skills and learn how to read social cues. Many grown-ups lead a fulfilling life professionally as well as personally. Most adults with adult Aspergers marry and have kids. Read more on what it means to have Aspergers yourself: got to the site of Kate Goldfield for a crash course on how to accept your Aspergers!

Aspergers in adults has some common characteristics such as:

• Anger management problems
• Controlling feelings such as depression, fear or anxiety
• High intelligence
• Inability to listen to others
• Inability to think in abstract ways
• Inflexible thinking
• Lack of empathy
• Lack of managing appropriate social conduct
• Repetitive routines provides feelings of security
• Specialized fields of interest
• Stress when their routine suddenly changes
• Visual thinking

Unfair labeling—

Due to misunderstanding their behavior, grown-ups with Aspergers can be seen as selfish by their peer group members. Other unfair labels can be: egoistic, cold, ridged or uncaring. Their behavior might appear to be unkind or callous. This kind of labeling is unfair and has nothing to do with behaving inappropriately on purpose. Adults with Aspergers are neurologically unable to see things from the other person’s point of view. They are frequently told by their peers or partners that their actions or remarks are considered painful or rude which comes as a shock to them since they were never aware of this in the first place. It’s therefore important to get a diagnosis so individuals around them understand their behavior better.

Careers—

Many adults with Aspergers are able to work in mainstream jobs successfully. Their focus and knowledge on specific topics as well as their good eye for detail can help them succeed in their field of science. In pursuit of their preoccupations grown-ups with Asperger can develop sophisticated reasoning and an almost obsessive focus on their subject of interest, turning them into specialists in their line of work.

However there are some work related issues that will not benefit the Aspergers employee.

A common career option in grown-ups with Aspergers is engineering since they can be fascinated with technology. Adult Aspergers is more common in males than females which could be another explanation for the relatively high percentage of Adult Aspergers within the engineering profession.

Personally I would recommend all grown-ups with Aspergers to focus their energy on their strengths rather than on their weaknesses. Do what you are good at and organize the rest!

Aspergers Complications—

Due to Aspergers complications there is no sharp image of the stereotype behavior of an Aspergers youngster or adult. They will all face problems in social interaction, communication and imagination but these problems will vary from person to person. Of course, each individual also has his or her own personality and intelligence and may come from a totally different environment or background. All these factors play their own part in how this person is affected by Aspergers. But there are more Aspergers complications.

Aspergers hardly ever comes alone. Most of the time, it is just one of the problems a youngster or adult has. This is what we mean by Aspergers complications. Factors that make it more difficult to see and recognize the Aspergers symptoms or traits. There are several other conditions or disorders known to appear together with Aspergers such as:

• Anger tantrums
• Anxiety
• Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Delayed Motor Skills
• Depression
• Dyscalculia
• Dyslexia
• Epilepsy
• Fear of failure
• Giftedness
• Nonverbal learning disorder (NLD)
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Perfectionism
• Sensory overload
• Tics
• Tourette’s Syndrome

The signs and symptoms of these Aspergers complications can get in the way of recognizing the symptoms of Aspergers and dealing with those symptoms. The presence of co-occurring conditions may delay the Aspergers diagnosis or get parents, spouses and educators sidetracked. For moms and dads it means more issues to deal with and more problems to solve. To guide a youngster with Aspergers towards adulthood is not an easy task at all and the last thing you need as a parent is more complications.

The scientific term for other disorders to appear together with Aspergers is comorbidity. It's a definition that pops up on a regular basis in books and literature on Aspergers or any of the other autistic disorders. The list above may not be complete but will give you a good impression of what you can expect on top of the Aspergers diagnosis.

Theory of Mind—

The solitary lack of engagement with others may develop to some degree into what can be described as a lifelong egocentrism or apparent selfishness. Your youngster may seem narcissistically concerned only with his or her own needs. What it reflects is a delay in the development of the idea that the self is equal in importance to that of others. This connects to an idea referred to in the research literature as theory of mind, or the ability to understand that others have minds, a point of view, feelings, and priorities. Theory of mind involves the ability to attribute mental states to others or to be able to describe what others might be feeling in a given situation.

Some researchers believe that the ability to guess others’ states of mind is related to one’s ability to effectively practice introspection on one’s own. Some of these things can be acquired late in life and learned. The inability to guess others’ mental states can result not only in faux pas but also in paranoia, by attributing negative intentions in others that aren’t there. Blackshaw, Kinderman, Hare, and Hatton (2001) found that the lack of developed private self-consciousness was a predictor of paranoia. This suggests, again, that the ability to know one’s self in some way may relate to our skill in attributing feelings and motivations to others. More severely autistic individuals may lack these facilities.

Because of these deficits, persons with Aspergers generally will take statements by others in a more concrete and literal fashion (Kaland et al., 2002). Williams (2004) suggests that, at the very least, people with Aspergers must work harder at theorizing what others are experiencing than most persons. Educationally, this means that children with Aspergers need more prompt questions and more time than others to understand social subtleties in language, such as irony, sarcasm, and some forms of humor.

Theory of mind is the capacity we have to understand mental states such as: believes feelings, desires, hope and intentions. It’s the way we imagine other people’s feelings or thoughts. We can create a mental picture of our own emotions or other people’s feelings. This theory of mind enables us to understand the behavior individuals display is caused by their inner feelings, believes or intensions. We can predict some of those behaviors and anticipate on them. Whatever goes on in the mind of other individuals is not visible so it will remain a “theory” we create for ourselves.

But what if you are not able to link behavior of individuals to their inner feelings? This way you can’t understand or predict some-ones behavior due to a lack in theory of mind. How can you make sense of the behavior of others around you if you don’t understand somebody is sad and angry with you because you tore up her favorite dress? For individuals with Aspergers that type of behavior might come out of the blue. They also can’t link their own behavior to the feelings of others so they can be unable to anticipate or predict such a response.

The absence of the ability to understand what individuals know, think or feel might be the root of most difficulties individuals with Aspergers have in communication and social interaction. To test Theory of Mind in kids, researchers can use a simple test made in (1996) by Uta Frith.

Communication—

In the ability of Theory of Mind is a lot of unconscious knowledge of how others might think or feel. Recognizing emotions of others by correctly interpreting nonverbal cues can make communication much more effective. If you don’t have the ability to sense the level of interest of your listener you cannot see from his body language or facial expression he wants to change the subject of conversation. This means kids and grown-ups with Aspergers are not aware their long monologue can be boring to others. The painful or rude remarks they are known to make come from the inability to anticipate how their comments will affect other individuals. There is reason to believe the absence of Theory of Mind might be causing this as well.

Another theory that is used to explain some of the Aspergers symptoms is Executive Function.

Those with Aspergers have a very good eye for details but are most of the time are unable to see the "big picture". The Central Coherence Theory explains why.

Social Interaction—

Theory of mind is based on empathy, the ability to feel for others and put yourself in their situation. Being able to do so will make interacting socially much easier. Understanding the emotions individuals go through will give you the ability to predict their behavior which will effect social interaction. Knowing what to expect will help you know how to respond to the situation. To kids who are unable to take into consideration how others might feel, think, or respond – the world can be a terrifying place to be.

Nutrition and Aspergers—

We all know there are good and bad foods in this world and most individuals have a pretty good idea what nutrition can do for your health. But are those with Aspergers more at risk? If you eat too much sugar you are at risk for diabetes, when you eat too much fat we get problems with our weight or cholesterol and too much salt can make your blood pressure go up. Most of us have a pretty good idea what foods are good and what foods are bad for us. But are we always aware of allergies or food intolerance? Probably not…

What you can do to help right now—

We all know some individuals have allergic reaction towards nutrition or can be lactose intolerant. There has been a connection made between food intolerance and autism spectrum disorders such as Aspergers. The theory is that some individuals with autism and PDD disorders such as Aspergers cannot properly digest gluten and casein. It seems there are many moms and dads worldwide who reported results between mild and dramatic after putting their kids with autism on a diet.

Gluten-Free/Casein-Free Diet—

It’s also known as the GF/CF diet meaning gluten-free and casein-free. Casein is a protein found in milk and all sorts of dairy products and gluten is a wheat protein which can be found in wheat, oats rye and barley. Some moms and dads report some astonishing results in their kids’s behavior and skills such as: improvement in verbal skills, communication and eye contact as well as fewer tantrums, more interaction and less mood swings or aggressiveness. It seems so easy and can be done in no time by every parent. For more information on the GF/CF diet

Anti-yeast diet—

Another theory out there has to do with yeast. What on earth is that you wonder? Let me explain in plain language. Candida albicans is a normal resident inside of our intestinal tract and is known as yeast. This yeast can sometimes be found in the mouth or in the vagina. When this yeast overgrows you end up going to the doctor who will tell you it’s a yeast infection known as thrush. Even though yeast is a part of our body it’s makes some chemical compounds which have a bad effect on the nervous system of your body and are known to slow down the functioning of the brain. This can cause behavioral problems, difficulty to concentrate or focus and inattention.

Food supplements—

Apart from adjusting the food intake and eliminating specific foods one can also think about food supplements. Research has shown a positive effect on language development and learning skills in kids with autism or Aspergers after being given fish oil supplements. Fish oil is also known as omega3 and together with omega 6 are the most essential fats individuals need in order to function normally. Fish oil provides essential fatty acids (EFAs), which are critical for brain health. Kids with attention deficit, autistic, and related disorders have been shown to have significantly lower levels of EFAs in their red blood cells. Moms and dads can start their kids on this food supplement, known as Omega 3 fish oil and are likely to see major results in concentration, less anger tantrums and mood swings.


==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Parenting Kids with High-Functioning Autism PLUS Attention Deficit Disorder

Question

"My 12 year old was recently diagnosed with having high functioning autism. He doesn't fit the typical mold that I read about, and the neuro-psychologist agreed that he is an unusual case. He is extremely likable, has a good many friends, very polite and well mannered. He does however have the obsessive personality and hyper-focusing that is typical with this disorder as well as fascination with collecting things, bottle caps, shark teeth...which he can look for hours at a time for. He is very smart and has always made great grades and has never had behavior issues at home or at school, which is probably why he flew under the radar until now.

Our struggles have to do with his attention...as if he is ADD (tested negative three times). He literally cannot stay on task and is so easily distracted. After a "pep" talk stating that he "owns" his brain and he can control the urges if he puts his mind to it...he can produce. I know its short term but he doesn’t and he feels great when he knocks out something. Remember, we just found out...so we've always treated him as "normal" as the others, why wouldn't we? And again, he's always risen to the challenge of most anything...with a great attitude. I'm desperately looking for ways to help him stay on task with schoolwork and staying on task? Is there anyone there that might know of something, tips, tricks, etc.? Please let me know."

Answer

Most kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) do not receive that diagnosis until after age 6. Usually, they are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder as toddlers. Part of the reason is that doctors routinely screen kids for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) - but not for autism.

Another reason is that an HFA child's social impairment becomes more evident once he hits school. Finally, doctors are reluctant to label a youngster "autistic." It is okay - and even a badge of honor - to have a "hyperactive youngster," but it is another thing whatsoever to have an "autistic youngster."

Doctors make their diagnoses based on kid's behaviors. Since kids with Attention Deficit Disorder and HFA share similar behaviors, the two can appear to overlap. However, there is a fundamental difference between Attention Deficit Disorder and HFA. Children on the autism spectrum lack what doctors call "social reciprocity" or Theory of Mind.

Theory of Mind is "the capacity to understand that other people have thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires that are different from our own." Kids with ADD have a Theory of Mind and understand other people's motives and expectations. They make appropriate eye contact and understand social cues, body language and hidden agendas in social interactions. HFA children can't.

One author put it this way: kids with Attention Deficit Disorder respond to behavioral modification. With Aspergers (HFA), the syndrome is the behavior.

Both kinds of kids can tantrum, talk too loud and too much and have problems modulating their behaviors and making friends. Both are social failures but for different reasons.

The youngster with Attention Deficit Disorder knows what to do but forgets to do it. HFA children do not know what to do. They do not understand that relationships are two-sided. If a child on the spectrum talks on and on in an un-modulated voice about his particular interest, he simply does not understand that he is boring his friend and showing disinterest in his friend's side of the conversation. On the other hand, the youngster with ADD cannot control himself from dominating the conversation.
 
An HFA youngster can appear unfocused, forgetful and disorganized like a youngster with Attention Deficit Disorder, but there is a difference. The ADD youngster is easily distracted; the HFA child has no "filter." The child on the spectrum sees everything in her environment as equally important. Her teacher's dangling earring is as important as what she writes on the blackboard. The HFA child does not understand that she does not have to memorize the entire textbook for the next test. She does not "get" such rules.

Children on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum tend to get anxious and stuck about small things and cannot see the "big picture." Kids with Attention Deficit Disorder are not detailed-oriented. The ADD youngster understands the rules but lacks the self-control to follow them. The HFA child does not understand the rules.

If the unfocused HFA child is "nowhere," the obsessive-compulsive and "Fantasy" HFA child is somewhere else. "Fantasy kids" retreat into a world of their own making - a world where everything goes the way they want it to. They play video games for hours or retreat into books and music. Their daydreaming and fantasizing resembles the behaviors of non-hyperactive kids with ADD.

Obsessive-compulsive children with HFA live a world they create from rules and rituals. Like ADD kids, they appear preoccupied and distracted but for different reasons. They appear distracted because they are always thinking about their "rules." Did I tie my shoelaces right? Did I brush my teeth for 120 seconds?

Some authors estimate that 60% to 70% of children with HFA and AS also have Attention Deficit Disorder, which they consider a common comorbidity of the disorder. Other authors say that the two cannot exist together. Still others insist doctors have it all wrong and that the two disorders are the same. The real problem is that there is no hard science. No one knows exactly how slight imperfections in brain structure and chemistry cause such problems.

For this reason, getting the right diagnosis for a youngster who exhibits behavior problems may take years of trial and error. Diagnosis is based on observation of behaviors that are similar for a myriad of disorders. The tragedy is that the youngster often does not receive the correct medications, educational strategies, and behavioral modification techniques that could help him function on a higher level. He falls farther behind his peer group and loses ground when he could be getting appropriate treatments.

==> CLICK HERE for some specific tips to help your child with school work...

More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

Understanding the Mind of a Child on the Autism Spectrum

"My 7-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. This is all so new to me. How can I understand the way she thinks? We are definitely not on the same page much of the time!"

Kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) may have underdeveloped areas in the brain that cause problems in the following areas:
  • understanding the thoughts and feelings of others
  • learning appropriate social skills and responses
  • focusing on “the real world” as opposed to becoming absorbed in their own thoughts and obsessions
  • communication

Children and teens on the autism spectrum are often extremely literal in their interpretation of others’ conversations (e.g., they may wonder if cats and dogs are really raining down or think there are two suns when someone talks about two sons). They are unable to recognize differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of what others’ say. Your daughter may not understand a joke or take a sarcastic comment literally.

For HFA children, learning social skills is like learning a foreign language. They are unable to recognize non-verbal communication that “typical” kids learn without formal instruction. For example:
  • how to interpret facial expressions
  • how to tell when someone does not want to listen any longer
  • not understanding the appropriate distance to stand from another person when talking

Many kids on the spectrum will be highly aware of right and wrong and will bluntly announce what is wrong. They will recognize others’ shortcomings, but not their own. Consequently, the behavior of young people with the disorder is likely to be inappropriate through no fault of their own.

Kids with HFA need routine and predictability, which gives them a sense of safety. Change can cause stress, and too much change can lead to meltdowns (or shutdowns). Changes that are stressful for them include:
  • changing a bedroom curtain or the color of the walls
  • doing things in a different order (e.g., putting pants on before a shirt)
  • going to the bathroom at someone else’s home
  • having a different teacher at school
  • starting a new routine

Routines and predictability help them remain calm. Your daughter’s thinking may be totally focused on only one or two interests, about which she is very knowledgeable. Many kids on the spectrum are interested in parts of a whole. For example:
  • astronomy
  • designing houses
  • drawing highly detailed scenes
  • insects
  • intricate jigsaw puzzles
  • Pokemon
  • the computer
  • trains

Because her brain is obsessed by her interest, your daughter may talk only about it, even when others are carrying on a conversation on a different topic.

These kids notice details, rather than the “whole” picture. The importance of the detail prevents the HFA youngster from understanding the bigger picture, so instructions may get lost in her focus on a single detail. A lesson at school may be totally ignored in favor of a fly on the wall. Multiple instructions are extremely difficult for these kids to retain and follow.

Kids on the spectrum are not able to access their frontal cortex or prefrontal lobe efficiently, so they must call on social skills from their memories. If a social skill has not been taught, they won’t have it. Consequently, turn taking, imagination, conversation, and other people’s points of view cause them great difficulty. The youngster may be unable to realize consequences outside her way of thinking. In addition, she can’t recognize when someone is lying to her or trying to take advantage of her.

Anger in HFA kids often occurs due to over-stimulation of the senses or a change in routine. It is often the only response the youngster knows. Anger-management presents problems. They see things in black and white, which results in tantrums when they don’t get their own way, or when they feel threatened or overwhelmed. 
 
Some kids with the disorder bottle-up anger and turn it inward and hit or bite themselves, never revealing where the trouble is. Many young people on the autism spectrum are perfectionists, reacting with anger when things don’t go as they wish.

One of the most difficult thinking patterns is mind-blindness. Mind-blindness is the lack of ability to understand the emotions, feelings, motivations, and logic of others – and not care that they don’t understand! Consequently, they behave without regard to the welfare of others. The only way they will ever change their thinking or behavior is if it is in their own interest to do so. Even then, convincing a youngster with HFA to change her mind is an uphill battle.


 
More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Understanding the Role of Risperidone and Aripiprazole in Treating Symptoms of ASD

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a complex neurodevelopmental condition characterized by social communication challenges and restricted, re...