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Showing posts sorted by relevance for query bullying. Sort by date Show all posts

15 Ways to Bully-Proof Your Child with ASD

Over 25% of public schools report that bullying among students occurs on a daily basis. Also, one in five middle school students with ASD (high-functioning autism) report being bullied in the past 3 months.

The good news is that, since bullying has made national headlines, schools and communities – and even celebrities – are taking a strong anti-bullying stance. Parents can do their part at home, too.

Bullying Facts:
  • Bullies - and victims of bullying - have difficulty adjusting to their environments, both socially and psychologically.
  • Bullies are more likely to smoke and drink alcohol, and to be poorer students.
  • Bullying occurs most frequently from sixth to eighth grade, with little variation between urban, suburban, town and rural areas.
  • Females are more likely to be verbally or psychologically bullied.
  • Males are more likely to be physically bullied.
  • Males are more likely to be bullies - and victims of bullying - than females.
  • Students who are both bullies - and recipients of bullying - tend to experience social isolation.
  • Victims of bullying have greater difficulty making friends and are lonelier.

Here are 15 anti-bullying strategies to keep your ASD child from becoming a target – and to stop bullying that has already started:

1. Avoid the bully. There are some situations where bullying is worse because it is an ideal situation for a bully to go after their victim without any consequences. If there is no grown-up around, then he can bully without fear of getting caught. So, avoid these situations. For example, on the playground, stay where other kids can hear and where the playground monitor is around.

2. Buddy up for safety. Two or more friends standing at their lockers are less likely to be picked on than a youngster who is all alone. Remind your child to use the buddy system when on the school bus, in the bathroom, or wherever bullies may lurk.

3. Confront the bully. Ask him why he is bullying you. Ask him what the problem is. Ask him to stop. Bullies are rarely asked to face the reality that they are being a bully, so make them face it.

4. Control your feelings. Bullies look for reactions, don’t give them one. Soon they will grow bored and move on.

5. Don’t bully back. It is good to say “stop it” – but don’t bully in return. You don’t want to be on the same level. Instead, tell someone that the bully is bullying you, and then do your best to ignore.

6. Don't try to fight the battle yourself. Sometimes talking to a bully's mom or dad can be constructive, but it's generally best to do so in a setting where a school official (e.g., a counselor) can mediate.

7. Make friends with one of the bigger guys in your school (some 8th graders, for example, may stand nearly 6 foot tall). Bullies are reluctant to go after someone who has backup. Bullies usually pick out the weakest person they can find, and there is strength in numbers. So, stop a bully by having a tall friend on hand most of the time.

8. Ignore bullies. A lot of what bullies do is for a reaction. They say or do things to see what you will do. If you want to stop a bully, just ignore their efforts, soon they will find someone else. Whether it is bullying online or in person, ignore, ignore, ignore.

9. Improve your self-esteem. Bullies usually pick on kids who have low self-esteem. They look for students who are weak, isolated, that feel alone, and have few friends. There is less chance of them being caught that way. Work on your self-esteem, and you won’t be picked on long.

10. Keep calm and carry on. If a bully strikes, a kid's best defense may be to remain calm, ignore hurtful remarks, tell the bully to stop, and simply walk away. Bullies thrive on hurting others. A youngster who isn't easily ruffled has a better chance of staying off a bully's radar.

11. Put on a brave face. When you let a bully know that you are afraid of him, it is like giving him power. If you give him a little power, you will find that the bullying gets worse. So, put on a brave face, and never show your fear.

12. Remove the bait. If it's lunch money or gadgets that the school bully is after, you can help neutralize the situation by encouraging your child to pack a lunch or go to school gadget-free.

13. Report the bullying. Bullies can’t bully for long if they are getting caught. The beginning of getting a bully to stop has to start with an authority figure. So, each time someone bullies you, tell a grown-up. If it happens at school, tell a counselor, a teacher, or the principal.

14. Stand up for yourself when it gets really bad. If a bully is physically harming you, ruining your reputation, or something else, then don’t put up with it. Instead, say the words like, “Stop” or “Don’t” and make sure they know you are done taking their bullying.

15. Talk about it. Talk about bullying with your children and have other family members share their experiences. If one of your children opens up about being bullied, praise him for being brave enough to discuss it and offer unconditional support. Consult with the school to learn its policies and find out how staff and teachers can address the situation.

By

What to Do When Your "Special Needs" Child is Bullied at School

Bullying is a distressing issue that affects countless children across the world, but for those with special needs, the impact can be even more profound. If your child is being bullied at school, it's essential to take proactive steps to address the situation. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to handle this challenging circumstance effectively.

Understand the Situation

1. **Recognize the Signs**: Before taking any action, it's crucial to identify whether your child is being bullied. Look for changes in behavior such as anxiety, reluctance to go to school, withdrawal from social activities, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, and physical signs of distress.

2. **Listen to Your Child**: Create an open environment where your child feels safe to share their experiences. Use simple language and be patient. Ask specific questions about their day, friends, and any incidents that might have upset them.

3. **Validate Their Feelings**: Let your child know that what they're feeling is valid and that it's okay to be upset. Reassure them that bullying is not their fault and that they deserve to feel safe and respected.

Gather Information

4. **Document Everything**: Keep a detailed record of all incidents related to bullying. Note dates, times, locations, individuals involved, and any witnesses. This documentation can be crucial when addressing the issue with school officials.

5. **Speak to Other Parents**: If possible, connect with other parents. They may have insights into whether their children have witnessed bullying or experienced similar situations. A united front can sometimes be more effective in advocating for change.

Engage with the School

6. **Inform the School Staff**: Reach out to your child’s teacher or school counselor to discuss your concerns. Provide them with the documentation you gathered and express your need for a supportive environment.

7. **Review the School’s Anti-Bullying Policy**: Familiarize yourself with your school district’s policies regarding bullying. Understand their protocol for addressing such incidents so you can advocate effectively for your child.

8. **Request a Meeting**: Set up a meeting with relevant staff members, such as the principal, teachers, and counselors. Ensure that your child is treated with respect and that their needs are considered in any discussions.

Create a Supportive Environment

9. **Build Self-Esteem**: Help your child develop confidence through activities they enjoy and excel at. Encourage them to engage in social groups, clubs, or sports that foster camaraderie and support.

10. **Teach Coping Strategies**: Equip your child with tools to handle bullying. Role-play scenarios with them, helping them practice responses they can use when confronted. Teach them to seek help from trusted adults.

11. **Encourage Friendship**: Promote positive friendships by arranging playdates or team activities. Friends can help provide emotional support and can also intervene if they witness bullying behavior.

Continuous Communication and Follow-Up

12. **Check in Regularly**: Maintain open lines of communication with your child. Regularly ask them about their experiences at school, how they feel about their friends, and if bullying is still an issue.

13. **Follow Up with School Officials**: After addressing your child’s situation with school staff, keep in touch to see what steps have been taken. Regular check-ins can help you keep the school accountable and ensure that efforts to stop the bullying are being implemented.

Seek External Support

14. **Consider Professional Help**: Sometimes, the emotional toll of bullying may require professional intervention. A therapist or counselor specializing in child psychology, particularly with experience in special needs, can provide your child with the tools to cope effectively.

15. **Educate Yourself and Others**: Learn about advocacy for children with special needs and bullying prevention. Share resources with teachers, staff, and other parents. Creating awareness can lead to a more understanding and supportive environment for all students.

16. **Connect with Support Groups**: Look for local or online support groups for parents of children with special needs. Sharing experiences and strategies can relieve some of the burden and give you valuable insights.

Advocate for Change

17. **Be an Advocate**: Use your experience to push for broader changes within the school. Whether it’s implementing better anti-bullying policies, increasing staff training on special needs, or fostering an overall culture of inclusion, your voice can lead to positive change.

18. **Contact Community Resources**: Reach out to organizations focused on bullying prevention and disability advocacy. Many offer resources, support, and guidance for parents in similar situations.

When a child with special needs is bullied, it affects the entire family. Navigating the complexities of this situation requires empathy, persistence, and a multi-faceted approach. By listening to your child, engaging with school officials, and seeking external support, you can work toward building a safer, more inclusive environment for your child. Remember, it’s crucial to advocate for your child while also teaching them to stand up for themselves in a healthy and constructive way. The steps you take today can lead to a positive change for your child and many others who face similar challenges.

 

 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
By

The Silent Bullying of Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder

“My ASD son (high functioning) continues to be bullied at school, but nobody there seems to take it seriously. His teach said that ‘he seems to start the arguments by annoying some of the other students.’ O.K. Fine. Maybe this is true, but that doesn’t justify bullying. How can I get the school to take this seriously?”

Under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, disability harassment is against the law in all schools, school districts, and colleges and universities that receive public funds. “Special needs” kids who are bullied or harassed have legal rights to grievance procedures and due process on the local level. They can also file complaints with the Office of Civil Rights.

Nevertheless, in spite of all these laws and policies, the National Education Association estimates that every 7 minutes of every school day, a youngster is a victim of bullying, and 85% of the time there is no intervention by other children or grown-ups. Your youngster's school may have anti-bullying policies that do not help much on a practical level.

Kids in special education are the most frequent victims of bullies. Kids with ASD, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), are inevitably victims of bullying. One expert puts the percentage at 100%. The reason is that HFA kids fit the profile of a typical victim (i.e., a "loner" who appears different from other kids). Like hungry wolves that attack a limping sheep that can't keep up with the herd, the boy or girl with clumsy body language and poor social skills appears vulnerable and ripe for bullying. What's worse is the youngster often suffers in silence and does not tell his mother or father about the torment.

Luke Jackson, a thirteen-year-old boy with ASD explained it like this: “Autistic kids don't realize which things they are supposed to go home and tell. ‘What have you done at school today?’ wouldn't automatically bring about the answer, ‘I have been bullied’ unless that subject was specifically brought up."

If your autistic youngster appears under extreme stress, if he is missing school because of headaches and stomachaches, if he has physical injuries and torn clothing, he may be a victim of bullying. If your youngster is stealing money from you, he may be using it to pay off a bully.

Once you determine that your youngster is a victim of bullying, you have to be careful not to make the situation worse. Writing in his book “Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers,” Luke describes what happened after his mom spoke up to his tormentors: “The bullies left me alone for sometime after that. But no amount of threatening by my brother, by the educators, fear of expulsion, pleasant reasoning, absolutely nothing made any difference and they never left me alone. In the end they were physically pushing me around and punching me and it was about the worst time of my entire life.”

Luke endured not only physical beatings, but also name-calling, teasing, tripping so his lunch tray fell all over, having his books destroyed and chairs pulled out from underneath him. He ended up changing schools.

One major problem that Luke's mother and other moms and dads of HFA kids face is that a school may have an anti-bullying policy, yet the staff looks the other way when it happens. Some school administrators are simply more tolerant of bullying than others. Some schools, including Columbine, tolerate a "pecking order" in which athletes and popular children have special privileges and develop a sense of entitlement that leads to a "bullying atmosphere." 
 
In such a school, if moms and dads report bullying, the principal may advise them to enroll their youngster in karate or otherwise teach him to stand up for himself. The underlying attitude is that it is the victim's fault. One principal told a mother of an autistic boy, "Your son is a little different and it bothers other kids, so he brings this on himself because of who he is." Also in such a school, educators and coaches may bully the “different” youngster too.

Another problem in approaching educators and school administrators is that an HFA youngster does not have the social savvy to tell his side of the story effectively. Bullies typically lack empathy and real feeling, but many are good at crying on cue and playing the victim. Often the autistic student gets expelled, and the bully receives no punishment unless the autistic student has an effective witness.

In a survey by York University, only 23% of children agreed with this statement: “educators usually - or almost always - intervene when bullies attack.” However, 71% of the educators in the survey agreed. Part of the problem is that educators do not witness most bullying, because it usually happens off campus (which also means the school may not be legally liable for it). AS HFA kids are most vulnerable when they walk alone to and from school. The other most likely times bullying occurs is during unstructured times (e.g., lunch hour, recess, passing between classes). Bullying peaks in junior high school.

There are things you can do to protect your youngster. It is a good idea to demand an anti-bullying clause in your youngster's Individual Education Plan (IEP). This is a proactive way of having solutions in place and holding the administration to its word in the event your youngster is bullied anytime throughout the year. If your school does not have an anti-bullying program, try to work through the PTO to get one in place. Some schools have a “bullying coordinator” (usually a volunteer) who monitors the lunchroom, restrooms, corridors and playgrounds, and makes sure there is consistent intervention.

If your youngster is a victim of bullying, don't approach the mom or dad of the bully – or the bully himself. According to the research, parents of bullies are often abusive people themselves. Talk to your youngster's teacher and principal in private. Ask for an adult aide to accompany your youngster at all times, if necessary. If the bullying does not stop, you can involve the police or file grievances through your local Office of Civil Rights. If your youngster is in danger, you can home-school him until the situation is under control or transfer him to a private school. If you have to file a lawsuit against the school and the mom and dad of the bully, find a lawyer whose expertise is in special education law.

P.S. Warning to parents: According to statistics, it is very likely that YOUR child with ASD HAS BEEN or IS BEING bullied. Why don’t you know about it? Because your child won’t tell you! Why won't he tell you? Because he thinks it's a normal, everyday activity that some peers engage in. So, you need to investigate this now – BEFORE your child has been tormented for weeks or months or years! If after your investigation, you discover there has been no bullying against your child, then thank God for it.
 COMMENTS:

o    Anonymous said… angry to hear on 2 levels. A.) Bullies are just slime of the earth. They are so distructive to kids, sometimes lifelong with their cruel words/actions. B.) The teacher is so cruel & ignorant to dismiss the bullying so callously! Go to the guidance office & request an IEP meeting. Seek a psychologist who specializes in autism and/or ASD. They will often attend your IEP meeting with you as a child advocate. Once you have an IEP you have more pull to get him removed from that class & to help him learn how to act in class. My daughter's school was great but some teachers not so much. My daughter used to disrupt class with excessive hand raising & calling out in class. Her teacher understood & would talk to her & remind her to wait her turn. She worked it in as an iep practice item. Don't stand for this, your are your son's only advocate. This helped my daughter tremendously! She is now in college. She struggles but she gets by due to confidence built in high school because of their support. You need them on your side and IEP is the start to that. I really wish you all luck
o    Anonymous said… Bullies should be stopped!
o    Anonymous said… Get an IEP, and then slam the school with it.
o    Anonymous said… Good luck! I did all if that too when my son was bullied. The teacher blamed him. The school refused to accommodate, help, or test him. I was treated poorly after my complaints. It took years to get the diagnosis, then they only did a 504 plan at an completely different school; I had to pull my son out of the first school. By then the damage was done. That was 3 years ago and my son STILL talks about that kid!
o    Anonymous said… Him starting the arguments is part of his condition which probably comes down to socializing skills. Bullying on the other hand is ILLEGAL, demand that they deal with the situation or you will through legal support.
o    Anonymous said… I just started home schooling my daughter! It has been so much less stressful.
o    Anonymous said… people need to be educated- i really had no clue about this condition until i watched the show parenthood. i have much respect for all you and shame on people did not give you that
o    Anonymous said… School was a huge challenge before our son got private care. I was looked down upon by teachers and staff, as they blamed his behaviors on my parenting. They do not understand the disorder and discipline the child for things beyond their control.
o    Anonymous said… Sounds so similar, we had that issue and were told our son was starting it, but what was happening was yes he would go and hit a child, to get put on the deck for the whole of lunchtime as no-one annoys you in time out. We were told our son would never be able to be in playground without supervision. We changed schools to one that has zero tolerance for bullying and our son is in the playground without supervision and doesn't hit anymore, he is happy and wanting to go to school, stomach up sets are no longer and it was affecting him mentally and physically. Top me if 1 school can have a zero tolerance why can't others.
o    Anonymous said… This makes me sick! I would go to the Board!! If that didnt work, I would get a Lawyer!!
o    Anonymous said… TOTALLY agree. I was going to say same thing when I read your post. School has a LEGAL obligation to accomodate a child with special needs. Sadly, you might have to pull that card and threaten them with a human rights complaint.
o    Anonymous said… We had to move schools. But it was well worth it
o    Anonymous said… Yes go to the board!!!! I did and if they put her on homebound....
o    Anonymous said… You’ll be lucky most schools dont want to know x
•    Anonymous said...  "Provocative victim". Go and look it up please and then quote it to the school. I went through this with my son all through primary school. Withdraw him and tell the
LEA why you are withdrawing him. I wish I had. Serious good luck. Incidentally secondary schools are better x
•    Anonymous said... Asperger kids perceive things differently so a kid with a snarky comment may have one kid give a snarky comment back and it rolls off their back..an asperger child takes it offensively because he can't understand rude words and then laughter as an "Imi kidding" they take it as rude comment you are laughing at me....I think the many years my son was "bullied" was because he didn't perceive it as joling around but more they are picking on me...and we as his parents supported that because we at home do not joke around by putting the other person down or calling each other names but if you have aspergers you follow the rules and takes things literallly, all.the.time...whereas my younger son can take the joke and give back the rude insults laugh it off and carry on...my older son with aspergers cannot....AND because he sees that funny joking insulting humor gets laughs he tries to be "funny" but he is then just really rude because he doent get the social aspect of the kidding around...the rules are not finite and aspergers kids didnt get the memo....so frustrating.
•    Anonymous said... Go to the superintendent if you have to. If he's been diagnosed by a dr the school can't fight that. My son was bullied so badly we are now homeschooling.
•    Anonymous said... He does NOT start arguments by 'annoying' ppl. He is a person with a disability and students r responding with hatred to that disability. Students might find behaviours associated with his disability annoying, but that is not the child with the disability's fault or problem. Shame on that teacher for not recognizing this and for blaming the victim of bullying.
•    Anonymous said... I just was asked to sign a petition for an anti bullying law. Your example is why I think this law is such a bad idea. The child with autism that is being bullied is being blamed for starting it by annoying others. This will come back badly for children with Autism that it is supposedly designed to protect. Think this stuff all the way through before jumping on board and signing a petition for anti bullying laws. It could have a very bad outcome for our children.
•    Anonymous said... I put my child in scouts for one and started to forge friendships. We taught lessons on inclusion through the badges earned. Problem to watch for is stacking all the special needs children in one troop. Once parents learn your good at this, everyone wants your troop and then soon the typical peers don't want to be in a troop with that many special needs children. My child's scouting friends began to stick up for my child. That was the beginning to change.
•    Anonymous said... It's so hard for them, especially when they are young. My son is five and most times, he doesn't know when someone isn't being nice to him. And he also doesn't realize when he is being rude or antagonistic. We go over the scenarios daily and consistently. He is improving, but it is something he has to practice and learn, like reading or math. It isn't innate, like most of us take for granted.
•    Anonymous said... My 11 year old boy has struggled with this issue since first grade (he is in sixth now). Not only have there always been the bullying kids (mostly other boys), there have been bullying adults who must interact him. It has only been this year that we've been convinced of an Aspergers diagnosis (not professional, although he does see a school psychologist at this point). We came from a high tech area in California and moved to a much more rural, mountainous area where education is not a big priority for a lot of kids. He is not challenged academically here at this current school. Some teachers and other administration didn't understand him, he has struggled socially (wanting friends, but never fitting in). His head is in technology, but he thrives in all subjects. He is athletic, but not interested in playing sports. He teaches himself anything he wants to learn. He is an amazing kid, however because of the constant bullying, we see a change in him. More depression, lower self-esteem, etc. Through the advice of the psychologist (who does NOT work for the school though she does work AT the school), she has recommended a different school setting. One where he will have more peers. So we have decided on taking him out of school after the holidays and we'll homeschool him through the end of this school year. After that, we'll be sending him to a charter school in a town nearby which is a college prep middle through high school. I have the belief that with more kids who "get" him, he'll end up having a positive middle school experience. We are fortunate that we can do this for him, whereas I realize a lot of folks cannot take the time to homeschool and on top of that, it's not easy. I had read the attached article a few months ago and decided to email it to his primary teachers (he has two). One teacher is so ridged, that without a IEP, she doesn't do much to change her teaching style with him. The other teacher understands him and stands up for him when he lets them know he is being bullied, taunted or teased. Schools NEED to be educated on kids that have different learning techniques and all other adults need to understand Aspergers and all spectrum kids for this to ever get better.
•    Anonymous said... My son has the same issue - his way of interacting makes others uncomfortable at times. The school has fought his Asperger's diagnosis for years choosing instead to classify him as "Emotionally Impaired". For me, the best I can do is attempt to help my son understand social situations. People are not going to change for him, so he needs to adjust his way of interacting based on others (not fair, but nothing is in life). His school social worker is finally understanding and starting to include him in with a group of kids who only work on social interaction and that has helped a little. If you happen to know the other kids, its great to be able to talk to them to be able to explain that your son isn't trying to be annoying and what they may be able to do to adjust their behavior to help him. If not, it's all on helping your son understand and adjust.
•    Anonymous said... My son is the exact same ! As I see it some kids r brought up not to except anything that's a bit different . I tell my son if people were all the same it would be a boring place!
•    Anonymous said... My son was blamed for his own bullying in pp, he came home bawling every day and ended the year saying he wished he was dead - he was six. Teachers should be better trained, I think the bullying also comes from the teachers which makes the kids think it's okay.
•    Anonymous said... Putting it blunty,the little bastards who make these poor kids life a living hell,usually have 1 or maybe 2 big bastard bullies at home learning them there greedy bombastic bullying ways.If they had been brought up in a loving family and taught right and decency not just take what you can and humiliate anybody round you,they wouldnt behave like it,to these poor defenceless littluns and if i caught a kid of mine bullying like that id drowned the little bleeder.xx
•    Anonymous said... Read the book "look me in the eye" it gave me some insight into the situation, the teachers said he was "bossy" but the book says they think differently about how the game should be played and are trying to teach the other children "the right way" good luck everyone, it's tough! We home schooled and he has gone from F's to A's and B's and is getting the achievement award, a very big difference to last years ending. His teacher is lovely (although we didn't start off on the right foot) and he has a few friends, although he still gets bullied. Stick with it, do what you have to and things can turn around, we are their only voice and we love them and see them for the special people that they are
•    Anonymous said... This is my biggest fear about sending my young son to school next year...he has a huge heart and sees everyone as a potential friend, but his approach catches other kids off-guard and they often don't understand. Parents need to teach their kids to love other people...simple.
•    Anonymous said... We all walk to the beat of different drums.It's so hard to stand by and watch your child get bullied. Everyone...not just parents need to take a stand. Bullying is NOT OK.
•    Anonymous said... We are going through the same as our son has just gone to secondary school and is really struggling.kids are not being kind and he just doesn't understand the way other kids can play fight and say mean things and it be a joke so he says things he hears and is being chased and threatened and is bewildered why!!
 
Please post your comment below…
By

Should you homeschool your ASD child due to bullying in the public school?

"I've decided to home-school my son (high functioning autistic) starting next year (even though it's in the middle of school year) because of the bullying that is going on in his public school this year. Am I being over-protective? Also, how can autistic children be helped with bullying so they can return to public school at some point?"

Unfortunately, the majority of kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA), or ASD level 1, experience bullying or victimization at school. There are many reasons for this, but mainly it is because these young people stand out from typically developing children due to their problems in social situations.

Kids who bully are socially savvy and are able to keep from getting caught, which makes bullying difficult to spot and stop. Children on the autism spectrum have a low social IQ, so they either do not notice the bullying, retaliate, or get the blame for it shifted onto them! It is the responsibility of parents and teachers to address this issue.

Your decision to home-school your son is a wise one in this situation. Be sure that he knows he must tell you right away when he is bullied. Warn him against being aggressive or provoking the bully. Help him practice being assertive and not showing fear. Encourage your son to stick with friends at all times when he is away from home. Also, warn him against trying to appease the bully (e.g., if the bully says he should steal something and then they’ll be friends, your son should be taught how to say no).

The myth of the over-protective mom in this case is bogus. Parents MUST assume a protective role with their "special needs" sons and daughters. These kids are extremely vulnerable, and independence should be introduced gradually in controlled, non-threatening situations.

Your next step is to see if anti-bullying laws exist in your area and get a copy of the law. Your son’s rights are contained in these laws. Many states have anti-bullying laws that should contain the following:
  1. The word “bullying” must be used in the bill/law/statutes and the law must mandate programs, using the word “shall.” Some other words used are, “hate crimes” harassment, discrimination, or intimidation.
  2. The law must be an anti-bullying law, not a school safety law. Anti-bullying laws discuss individual student.
  3. There must be definitions of bullying and harassment. Any child can be a bullying victim and all children should be protected.
  4. There should be recommendations on how the policy will be implemented. 
  5. An effective law involves education specialists at all levels, i.e.; the State Superintendent of Education’s office, school district and school personnel, parents and students.
  6. Laws should include a date by which policies must be in effect.
  7. There must be consequences for reprisal, retaliation, or false accusations and procedures for reporting bullying anonymously.
  8. There must be school district protection against lawsuits. Parents of bullies should know that they can be sued for their child’s behavior and school districts should know that they can be sued if they fail to comply with anti-bullying law.

Next, make an appointment with the school principal to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy. The vast majority of schools have disciplinary policies to address this type of misconduct. Explain what happened to your son and demand to know what steps are being taken so that he can return to school without harassment.

If the school principal refuses to cooperate with you to get bullying in the school stopped, speak to the School Board, publicly stating what is happening. You will get a response! If you know of other bullying victims, get their moms and dads to work with you. If the school district still won’t cooperate, get a child advocate or attorney and take steps to see that they do.

Notify the police if your son is assaulted. Get a restraining order so that a bully is required by law to have no contact with him. Take legal action.




COMMENTS FROM PARENTS:

Anonymous said... As an adult on the spectrum, I will say the only thing that ever worked was fighting back, physically if necessary. Teachers normally did not intervene when they witnessed bullying. Parent and teacher intervention was not effective, and the teachers didn't really care. Teachers generally did not take insults, kicking, or another student threatening to stab me with a pocket knife seriously. Their responses: "Just ignore them" and (if I was merely being called a "psycho retard nerd" or being told to go to a mental institution) talking about sticks and stones. When I was 9, I did stupid things because I thought my classmates had a right to order me to. When I was 11, bullies made my life a living hell. By the time I was 13, I knew to hit back and the turds found other kids to pick on. I later unlearned this behavior in high school (no longer necessary), and about half the kids who picked on me went on to (found this out by searching public records online) have criminal records. My boyfriend (also on the spectrum) had a similar experience, except that he started fighting back a couple years later and his school life became tolerable a couple years later. If the school is truly interested in intervening that's one thing, but more often they gave it lip service and then turn a blind eye. And the kids know it.

Anonymous said... My son's SpEd Teacher designated an aid to be on recess to make sure kids didn't bully or talk him into doing unsafe things.

Anonymous said... I took my Son out of school 7 years ago for the same reason. I was in the office everyday for 2 weeks begging them to make the kids stop or punish them for it. They did NOTHING, actually blamed him for it. So I took his education in my hands. well his actually, we went for unschooling, and it has been great. The fighting about going to school stopped of course, who wants to get hit everyday for nothing. I had no idea he had Aspergers until April this year. As for how to get a stop to it, who knows. Seems the schools don't care so we have to protect our kids the best way we can.

Anonymous said... Very little can actually be done..schools try..they say they have zero tolerance...they have these policies but I too have found not much can be done and who has the time or energy to take on the system when you have to deal with day to day issues. Home schooling also fixed this problem for me and my child. And boy am I tired of hearing about the lack of socialization...and that kids need Ito toughen up for the real world...and we can't protect them forever etc etc.......

Anonymous said... We are going through the same thing! And it started early in kindergarten !!!! I am mortified for first grade and if it doesnt work we are taking her out and homeschooling.

Anonymous said... I'm talking about mainstream schooling. Yes sometimes if lucky you can get aids to do a watching at lunch or recess.

Anonymous said... I wish that homeschooling was an option for us. Unfortunately, I cant afford to quit my job to be home with him. My son is 13 and they are going to designate safe place and/special person for him to be able to go to when he is in distress. I hope this helps. (Im relieved the school year is over next week, but it also creates a new bunch of issues with summer child care issues).

Anonymous said... At the school my son is starting at they have had 6 children with as who have started that have come from bullying my son as got as high functioning it will be his first year with a statement I am trying to be positive we will see how it goes

Anonymous said... I feel for all of you. My 10 year old will be starting middle school in the fall. My wife and I are both anxious and excited. They supposedly have better programs for children on the spectrum than grammar school, but they also have children from other schools; that my son won't know and they won't know him (small school). I put it in God's hands and and pray for guidance and patience.

Anonymous said... Check out this video from abc news. I recently went to an autism conference where Dr. Jed Baker was the featured speaker. He started a program for junior high students where they get NT peers to help kids on the spectrum practice their social skills. Bullying has dropped dramatically for these kids. http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=3010139

Anonymous said... I don't think we can keep bullying from happening. Why are these kids targeting your son? Because he is different. They have been taught by our society that their value is in their sameness. The teachers unconsciously encourage their behavior and sometimes they are overt in their directions to exclude a child because their behavior is not fitting with the norm. We also value humor at the sake of others so its "funny" to get the different kid to hurt himself. These are all deep rooted media backed values of our society...PS teachers cannot stop this behavior, the only solution is to pull your kids out of school. imo

Anonymous said... My 10 year old son is constantly bullied on the school bus and I am desperate to keep him safe. The transportation dept is not doing anything besides transporting kids, and despite my many emails and phone calls they are not handling the matter. My son with Aspergers, ADHD, anxiety, and OCD is being emotionally assaulted and physically harmed. I have called the police, but the problems persist because it is multiple kids. What more can I do? 

 Anonymous said... Anything that helps your kid thrive and build confidence in himself isn't being overprotective. Aspies especially need that extra time to come to terms with understanding themselves before they're pushed into the limelight. Homeschool is a great way to get that extra time and let them learn about themselves and the world around them without the unusual, cruel pressure of public school.

 Anonymous said... Homeschooling is the best thing we ever did for our son and our family. My son with Aspergers is thriving and it has benefited our entire family. We love the lifestyle so much that we brought our oldest son home this year.

 Anonymous said... I guess it depends on what is happening at school. My son is 20 and I don't believe he would have been as involved or have the social life he had in HS if I didn't let him go out in the world and experience it. Now that he is out of HS, I feel he only socializes at work and if he didn't work, he would only have his father and I. Looking back, I know he misses school. I would really think about this. I know people don't think an aspie doesn't need the interaction with others but I know from experience, they want it.

 Anonymous said... I pulled my daughter out halfway through the year too. She loves homeschooling. Enjoy your new adventure!

 Anonymous said... That's exactly why we are homeschooling so no you're not overprotective. My son knows that other kids are mean and he cannot control that fact. He has no desire to want to return to public school. He also likes being able to move at his own pace and pick his curriculum out himself.

 Anonymous said... We homeschool as well.....started a few weeks after grade one....doing grade 8 now

 Anonymous said... What is so great about homeschooling is it gives kids an opportunity to create their own social life, and the social/group opportunities available to homeschool kids make it more likely that he will meet people who are like him, who are outside the norm, and he will likely find more acceptance within that community than a traditional school. Contrary to how many people view homeschooling, most people I know who do it have very active social lives and participate in lots of activities with other homeschoolers.

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Aspergers Kids and Karate

Question

What's the best way to handle a bully whom the school has not disciplined effectively in past years? The father is very defensive and does not believe that the kid is bullying my kid. Are karate lessons the best defense? Do I talk to the youngster?

Answer

As you know from personal experience, bullying is a serious problem for kids with Aspergers (high-functioning autism). Some experts say that as many as 85% of children with Aspergers are subjected to bullying. Others place that number much closer to 100%. The very symptoms and characteristics of Aspergers are the cause. Since your youngster processes things a little differently, he has become a target for this other youngster.

Most schools have strict anti-bullying policies. These policies include children signing anti-bullying contracts, assemblies and classes by trained social workers, and strict discipline policies. Unfortunately, most schools continue to have a problem, in spite of the policies in place. Some children gloss over the behavior and no one wants to be a tattletale. Favored children, like the athletic and academic stars get away with poor behavior because teachers and coaches may look the other way.

The actions of your youngster’s bully may stem from peer pressure or even abuse. Since the mother is defensive, it is very possible that the family dynamics tend to lean in an aggressive manner. You are in a very difficult position since your youngster’s school has failed to handle the situation properly.

Here are some suggestions and words of encouragement for you:

• Dealing with bullying during school hours is the school’s responsibility. Request a meeting with your youngster’s teacher and the principal. Supply written information about your youngster’s bully. Be truthful about every incident of bullying your youngster has experienced. Firmly request that action be taken immediately.

• If the school fails to handle the issue, be prepared to file official reports with the school board and local authorities. Bullying is a form of harassment and can be treated as a legal grievance.

• Never should you approach the family of your youngster’s bully. It is understandable that you would like to resolve this issue. However, this could actually be dangerous. Most bullies learn their actions by observation. Approaching the family on your own may result in a very negative situation for you at that time and for your youngster as he continues to spend his days at school with this bully and his friends.

• Request an IEP or 504 plan review meeting to address the bullying issues. Request accommodations to protect and support your youngster through these bullying situations. A full time aide or even a transfer may be in order.

Karate lessons are a great idea for any youngster -- but especially for Aspergers kids. Your youngster with Aspergers will appreciate the strict routine and discipline of the sport. It will teach him confidence and build his strength. It should not be taught as a form of defense from bullies, however.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook
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Being the Target of Teasing, Bullying and Peer-Rejection: Preparing Your ASD Child for the Inevitable

Many parents learn that their child with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), is being teased and/or bullied by one of the other students. In some cases, school officials don’t seem to address the problem adequately, thus the “special needs” child is left to fend for himself/herself.

Here’s a recent email from a very concerned mother on the matter:

“My 12-year-old son has been a target of bullying since the 4th grade. He is fully mainstreamed because he is academically "high functioning". I send him to school for the socialization. However, I am questioning that, because he is only learning that his peers are "not o.k.". He hates school, and is being treated for anxiety and depression. Bullying is constant and "below the radar", being mostly relational. I feel that I send him into a war zone each day. School officials try to address targeted incidents, but are mostly ineffective. Any suggestions on how I can help my son?”


Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for kids with ASD to be the target of teasing, bullying, and peer-rejection in the school environment. This happens for several reasons, for example:
  • Low-frustration tolerance can lead to meltdowns for the autistic student, and children who “meltdown” in school may be viewed as “odd” by the other classmates
  • The child’s interests may be boring to his peers, so it’s hard for him to find other kids with similar interests
  • Due to having a low social IQ, the child may let things build up …then retaliate without an awareness of what the consequences will be
  • The child processes information at a different pace than expected, therefore, he may appear “space-out” or “disconnected” – then when he does respond, it is too late 
  • He appears different than his “typical” peers
  • The child may have motor difficulties, so participating in athletics is difficult – even games at recess may be a challenge
  • The child can’t tell the difference between good-natured teasing versus someone being mean, or he is oblivious to an act of bullying
  • He may not even be aware that he is being teased (i.e., he may assume that this is how he is supposed to be treated)
  • Because of built-up frustration, the child may over-react to most provocations, thus the bully knows he can always push the “special needs” student’s buttons at will
  • The child may have difficulty with multi-tasking and interpreting other’s intentions

In selecting the appropriate strategies to deal with the offender(s), you will need to determine the specific strengths and weaknesses your ASD son has socially. The best strategies will fit your son’s situation, age, skills, temperament, and the seriousness of the bullying incidents. 
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Teaching your son the skills described below takes time and effort. The behaviors must be modeled and practiced if he is going to be successful. The payoffs are significant though. Payoffs include safety, self-confidence, resiliency, ability to handle difficult or frightening situations, and the ability to master and to change challenging situations.

Always teach more than one strategy to combat teasing and bullying so that your son always has a second one to try if the first doesn’t work out (3 to 5 well-mastered strategies from the list below works best).

How to help kids on the spectrum handle teasing, bullying, and peer-rejection:

1. Teach your son how to report bullying. Bullies can’t bully for long if they are getting caught. The beginning of getting a bully to stop has to start with an authority figure. So, each time someone bullies your son, he should tell a grown-up.

2. Ask your son to picture himself as a ball, and the words that the bully is saying are bouncing off -- or he can pretend that there is a shield or bubble around him so that the words can’t get through. Teach your son that he can refuse to listen to the insults, protecting himself with an imaginary bubble or an invisible protective shield. Some children can imagine themselves as a super-power figure that is safe from insults and mockery.

3. Teach your son by modeling “talking to yourself.” This is a silent “pep-talk” strategy. Help your son practice self-talk such as, “I don’t like this, but I can handle it” … “I don’t believe what this kid is saying about me” … “I have a lot of talents” …and so on. This strategy requires an ability to concentrate when under a lot of stress.

4. Have your son “buddy-up” for safety. Two or more friends standing at their lockers are less likely to be picked on than a child who is all alone. Remind your son to use the buddy system when on the school bus, in the bathroom, or wherever bullies may lurk.

5. “Reframing” is a technique that changes your son’s perception about the negative statement. He can turn the insult into a comment. For example, if your son is being teased about wearing glasses, he could say something like, “Thanks for noticing my glasses” … “That’s cool that you noticed me” …and so on.

6. “Positive thinking” is a technique for the youngster who is less reactive and feels okay about himself. Explain to your son that he has the power to choose how to act when someone is teasing or bullying. He can decide that it isn’t worth the trouble to get upset, or he can decide that there is no way that the bully is going to win by seeing him upset. Help your son see that he doesn’t have to let the other person have power. The person who has the power is the one who stays in control.
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

7. Teach your son to talk about something else to distract or divert the focus of the peer’s negative comments. Your son can make a short comment about a nearby game or activity, a class, or what is going to be served for lunch.

8. See if your son can make friends with one of the bigger guys in the school (some 8th graders, for example, may stand nearly 6 foot tall). Bullies are reluctant to go after someone who has backup. Bullies usually pick out the weakest student they can find, and there is strength in numbers. So, your son may be able to stop a bully by having a tall friend on hand most of the time.

9. Show your son how to use humor, laugh about the teasing, and make it playful. A witty one-liner can be enough to make the teaser stop. Laughing can turn a hurtful situation into a funny one. For example, your son could use clever comebacks like, “Thanks, I love compliments”… “Hard to believe, isn’t it?”… “Old clothes are in, didn’t you know?”… “You made my day” … “Tell me something I don’t already know” …and so on.

10. Teach your son to compliment the bully by saying something like, “Wow, you’re better than me, I’m still learning” … “You’re good at this, how about helping me?”…and so on.

11. Teach your son to agree with everything that the bully is saying. Say something like, “Yes that’s true”… “I see what you mean” … “Makes sense to me.”

12. “I feel” statements work best when the child uses it within earshot of a grown-up. If it is used when there is no help around, it can invite more teasing. Your son should practice checking to see that an adult is within earshot, making eye contact, speaking clearly, using a polite tone of voice, and saying, “When you ___ I feel ___ because ___ so please stop” (e.g., “When you keep calling me stupid, I feel sad, because I thought you were my friend …so please stop”).

13. Teach your son a script to say over and over until the teasing stops (because it’s no longer fun for the teaser). For example, “This is getting very boring” … “Stop it” … “Don’t you have anything else to do.” The script needs to be assertive.

14. Teach several relaxation techniques (e.g., deep breathing, counting backwards, thinking of a pleasant scene, etc.). Relaxation methods do not work in stressful situations unless they are practiced in situations that are not stressful. Practice with your son several times a day, making a game of the methods, or calling them “daily exercises.”

15. Help your ASD child to improve his self-esteem. Bullies usually pick on kids who have low self-esteem. They look for those who are weak, isolated, that feel alone, and have few friends. There is less chance of them being caught that way. If your son works on his self-esteem, he will be less of a target.

16. Teach your son to comment on what the teaser is doing (e.g., "You’re kicking my chair" … "You’re standing on my foot"). This requires an accompanying nonverbal gesture (e.g., raised eyebrows).

17. Teach your son the importance of showing no emotion during the incident. Anger and tears usually make teasing and bullying worse. Staying in control is very difficult for many children on the autism spectrum. It requires active and intense effort. Your son must have adequate emotional control to pull this off. For this technique to work, he needs to be careful not to look at -- or respond to -- the bully. It is important that the bully does not see that your son is upset or afraid. Control of emotions needs to be taught first. This takes lots of practice, especially for children who are emotionally reactive, timid or impulsive.

18. Teach your son to ask questions, which are designed to neutralize what is being said by the bully. For example, “Why are you so interesting in my glasses?” … “Why would you care that I didn’t comb my hair today?” … “Are you always a joker, or are you just making a special effort with me?” …and so on. An innocent expression works well with this strategy.

19. Practice assertive body language with your son. Find pictures in magazines in which the person looks powerless, and ones in which the models appear assertive. Point out body posture and facial expressions. Act-out assertive postures (e.g., standing tall, looking directly at the other person, tightening the jaw and arms, relaxing the rest of the body, etc.).

20. DO NOT confront the student who is doing the bullying. Why? Because: (a) your son may become friends with the bully next week (you know how children are – mortal enemies one minute, inseparable buddies the next), (b) the bully’s parents may view the situation much differently than you do, (c) it makes your son even more powerless (e.g., the teaser may say something like, “Your ‘mommy’ is trying to save you”), and (d) it makes it difficult for the kids to “make up.”

21. Make sure that your son understands that reporting something that is cruel or hurtful is not “tattling,” rather it’s “standing up for your rights.” If your son has issues around tattling, and the situation is not immediately dangerous, suggest that he warn the bully that he will tell if the bullying doesn’t stop. Once warned, it is more acceptable to tell.

22. Teach your son to leave assertively. This technique is for situations when the bully is in your son’s face. Teach your son to say things like, “I’m leaving” … “I have more important things to do” … “Go bother someone else” … “I’m out of here” … “See you later!” … “Leave me alone” … “I don’t have to listen to this” … “Quit bugging me” …and so on. Teach your son to use one of these statements, and then to walk away quickly. Be sure that your son understands that this technique may not work all the time. If it doesn’t work, a different technique needs to be used immediately. Thus, when practicing, teach several techniques at the same time.

23. Show your son how to confront the bully. “Confrontational” statements are designed to stop bullies in their tracks. For examples, “I didn’t do anything to you, why are you bugging me?” … “That’s not funny at all” … “I don’t like this” … “Could you please stop?” … “Cool it.” The nonverbal behavior used with this strategy is important. Practice standing tall, using direct eye-contact and setting a firm expression.

24. Help your son learn how to deal with whispers. Teach your son to ask, “Do you have something to say about me?” when peers are whispering and laughing. Assertive body language and an exaggerated facial expression works well here.

25. Just shrug. A quick technique is to shrug your shoulders and walk away.

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

26. If your child admits to being bullied, take action. Tell him that you'll do everything in your power to help, for example: (a) find out how bullying is addressed in the school's curriculum, as well as how staff members are obligated to respond to known or suspected bullying; (b) instead of finding blame, ask for help to solve the bullying problem, keep notes on these meetings, and remember that it can take time for educators and administrators to investigate bullying in a fair and factual way; (c) start with the teacher who knows your child well, ask whether your child’s classroom behavior has changed or if there are any other warning signs, and consult a school dean, counselor or other school contact; and (d) write down the details (e.g., the date, who was involved, what specifically happened, etc.) and record the facts as objectively as possible.

27. Teach your child to “put on a brave face.” If your son lets the bullies know that he is afraid of them, it is like giving them power. If he gives them a little power, he will find that the bullying gets worse. So, he can put on a brave face, and never show his fear.

28. Help your son understand when it is dangerous to try to manage the bully (e.g., when the bully is older or much stronger, or when the bullying takes place in isolated areas with no one around).

29. You should not assume that your son’s teachers don't want to get the bullying problems in the school resolved. Most do! However, a wide range of need combined with limited resources often create the potential for conflict between what reasonably can be provided versus the parent wanting what she believes is "best" for her child. Do everything possible to establish a positive, partnership-based approach and team together with staff. Also, understand that the school’s Principal is a key player. You must have the loyalty, support, faith, and cooperation of the Principal in order to advocate effectively.

30. Help your child understand the difference between teasing, harassment and bullying. When teasing is excessive – it’s harassment. When harassment continues over time – it’s bullying.

31. You may have to simply remove the bait. If it's lunch money or gadgets that the school bully is after, you can help neutralize the situation by encouraging your son to pack a lunch or go to school gadget-free.

32. Another good strategy is to simply say, “So?!” …in response to teasing. This technique must be executed with appropriate nonverbal communication. Thus, it needs practice. The nonverbal gestures could include a quick smile, a slight tip of the head, or a slight shrug of the shoulder before walking away.

33. Simply avoiding the bully is an important strategy for some situations. Remind your son to go a different way, and to stay near other children or grown-ups. This is a safety strategy for teasing verging on bullying, and for the child who does not yet have the skills or confidence to use the strategies that he is learning.

The mental torment that autistic victims feel is genuine. But possibly because a lot of us have experienced some kind of schoolyard cruelty and lived to tell the tale, peer-harassment is still generally written off as a “soft” type of abuse - one that leaves no apparent injuries and that most victims simply overcome.

Dealing with teasing and bullying erodes a youngster's confidence. To help restore it, encourage your child to spend time with friends who have a positive influence. Provide a listening ear about problematic situations, but encourage your child to tell you about the good parts of his day as well. Make sure your child knows you believe in him and that you'll do what you can to address any bullying that occurs.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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 COMMENTS:

 • Anonymous said... My 12 year old son goes to mainstream secondary school but it has an Autism unit attached to it where depending on ability, kids are either educated there full time or just access it at breaktimes and lunchtime to use the quiet areas or games consoles. He is high functioning so in mainstream for all his lessons and there were a few issues when he started, mainly with his sensory problems with noise and crowds. He now has passes to leave lessons a few minutes early to avoid the crowds and has his dinner early with other kids from the unit. It's not perfect but seems to working ok and he's made a few friends and doing very well academically. It would be great if there was some provision for kids with Aspergers to be taught together the same way other kids with special needs are as I'm sure they would do much better without all the noise and distractions.
• Anonymous said... My daughter did too, but the things she used would get my son expelled (beating one kid bloody) and she is not oriented socially at all and could care less if kids liked her, so she basically told them to F off or laughed at their idiocy, but my son does care about what kids think and I have wondered how it looks for a social kid to deal with this.
• Anonymous said... Some teachers schools need to be more aware of this us as parents of these children stand up for our kids as we are the only ones they trust ..everyone needs someone ...even if they take their frustration out on us ...just not fair x
• Anonymous said... Sounds exactly like what goes on with my daughter. She is 15 now and was mainstreamed until this last school year, which was her 9th grade yr. That school yr. attended a private school and was considered to academically on point and beyond. She is also high functioning, but still has trouble socially and emotionally, due to the fact of all the teasing and bullying that went on in previous yrs. That being said...we are back to square one and headed to back to her public school with extra support from an outside agency. She is not thrilled with this idea, simply because she is worried about the other kids and experiencing the same problems. We have an advocate representing her. We as parents are praying for other children to be a little more mature by high school, but we all know that won't be the case for all students, or are we sending her into a war zone as well. Teachers, and school officials all need a better handle on how things go for HFA children who are in need of extra support to stay mainstreamed. Well, here we go 10th grade. Hoping and praying for a descent yr. for my daughter.
• Anonymous said... We just pulled our son out and he will now go to a much smaller charter school.
• Anonymous said... I also have been bullied like this as an adult in a professional environment. I had to go through multiple investigations when I first started my job. Then all went away, but I did have a mini breakdown and still hardly trust anyone because of it. I wish we could say to our kids "it gets better" but it doesn't always get better. My daughter has gotten better, but she is in a flexible job, so if she doesn't like the people she changes work. But I am not and so I have to endure this person (going on 20 years) and they never get in trouble for the lies they spread. NEVER. If I had money, I'd sue them for defamation.
• Anonymous said... i feel the same, but I'm getting triggered all over the place because you can't really protect your kid. Trying to figure out the line of when to pull because I would absolutely pull if needed, but where is that line? I was also bullied by teachers and if that happened, I'd be pulling him right away, but it is harder to know when with kids.
• Anonymous said... I was bullied mercilessly at school and even now, over 20 years since I graduated high school there are ramifications. Pull your child out. Enrol them elsewhere, get them into counselling where the counsellor understands that there is HFA at play here and work like hell on their self esteem. If another school is not an option, look for online schools or homeschooling. As for socialising, if you think about it, school socialisation is about teaching 10 and 11 year olds to socialise with 10-11 year olds, and 5yos with 5yos. In homeschooling where socialisation is often criticised, kids are taught to be social with all ages. They learn to speak with younger and older children, their peers in either learning or age and also the adults with whom they interact. Food for thought.
• Anonymous said... I was bullied severely as a child. I've also been through other traumas. But the bullying had the most effect on my life. I'm almost 40 and it still affects me. Do whatever you have to do to protect your children. Sure wish someone had protected me.
• Anonymous said... I'm lucky mine can stick up for himself. He also sticks up for his older NT brother  ;)
• Anonymous said... My daughter experiences this everyday. We've taught her lots of strategies but she is very smart and gets incredibly frustrated that she's the one that always had to think about and change her behaviour and the ones in the wrong don't. There needs to be a greater focus on accountability on those in the wrong. They are the ones who need to change.
• Anonymous said... my daughter was bullied in school and in college and now out of college the new trick is to contact the police and accuse her of plotting to attack people it always happens near christmas to spoil our holidays she is so anxious now she is under a psycologist
• Anonymous said... My son was bullied verbally, isolated from peers, and ignored by teachers. He was constantly on the defensive and reached a breaking point. It was a horrible experience and as a parent one of my biggest regrets. Don't make him go and find an alternative.
• Anonymous said... My son's school was awful, he was in kindergarden and got punched in the face on more than one occasion. I informed the school to watch him at break times and even gave them the names of the kids that were bullying him. The very day I warned them he got punched in the face again, he is homeschooled now.
• Anonymous said... online school - all the academics none of the bullying - find other social outlets with like minded kids
• Anonymous said... our sons school is so ignorant there still putting he lacks concentration, he is better in some lessons not in others and the classic my son needs to listen more and join in with making friends hes leaving soon I feel for others going to my sons school no hope
• Anonymous said... Private schools don't know how to deal with this either, unfortunately. It infuriates me!
• Anonymous said... Pvt and public need more education on children with Aspie.
• Anonymous said... School will be starting soon. Oh the horror!
* Anonymous said... Public schools don't know how to deal with our children that are aspie's. He is going into 5th grade and last yr in elementary, last yr in public school also. Him and his twin will be homeschooled or pvt school. I won't tolerate any bullying at all. He eas bullied the beginning if 4th grade by a 120lb kid and he is 56lbs. Ummm ni thats wint happen again. The principal heard from us about that issue. If he is bullied and explodes cause he is tired of it, he won't get in trouble by me.

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