Asperger’s Kids and Back-to-School “Separation Anxiety”

With the start of school, boys and girls begin to spend much of their day in the classroom, a place where pressures and relationships with other children can be quite stressful. While some youngsters with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) naturally greet new situations with enthusiasm, others tend to retreat to the familiarity of their home.

For some children on the autism spectrum, merely the thought of going at school – away from home and apart from parents – causes great anxiety. Such children, especially when faced with situations they fear or with which they believe they can’t cope, may try to keep from returning to school. 

It's natural for your AS or HFA youngster to feel anxious when you say goodbye to him or her in the morning. Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. However, if anxieties intensify or are persistent enough to get in the way of school or other activities, your youngster may have Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD). This disorder may require professional treatment, but there is also a lot that you, as a mother or father, can do to help.

Many children with AS and HFA experience separation anxiety that doesn’t go away, even with mom’s best efforts. These kids experience a reoccurrence of intense separation anxiety during their elementary school years or beyond. If you see any of the “red flags” listed below, and your interventions don’t seem to be enough, it may be necessary to “take the bull by the horns” and help your son or daughter by implementing a different set of interventions listed later in this article:

• Withdrawal from friends, family, or peers
• Refusing to go to school for weeks
• Constant complaints of physical sickness
• Excessive fear of leaving the house 
• Preoccupation with intense fear or guilt 
• Age-inappropriate clinginess or tantrums

SAD is not a normal stage of development, but a serious emotional problem characterized by extreme distress when a youngster is away from the parent. However, since normal separation anxiety and SAD share many of the same symptoms, it can be confusing to try to figure out if your youngster just needs time and understanding – or has a more serious problem. 

The main differences between healthy separation anxiety and SAD are the intensity of your youngster’s fears, and whether these fears keep her from normal activities. Kids with SAD may become agitated when away from the parent, and may complain of sickness to avoid attending school. When symptoms are extreme enough, these anxieties can add up to a disorder.

Children with SAD feel constantly worried or fearful about separation. Many are overwhelmed with one or more of the following:

• Worry that an unpredicted event will lead to permanent separation: Children with SAD may fear that once separated from a mother or father, something will happen to keep the separation (e.g., worry about being kidnapped or getting lost).
• Nightmares about separation: Kids with SAD often have scary dreams about their fears. 
• Fear that something terrible will happen to a parent or sibling: The most common fear a youngster with SAD experiences is the worry that harm will come to a family member in the youngster's absence (e.g., may constantly worry about his mother becoming sick or getting hurt).

SAD can get in the way of normal activities. Kids with this disorder often:

• Cling to the parent: Kids with SAD may shadow the parent around the house or cling to her arm or leg if the parent attempts to step out. 
• Complain of physical sickness (e.g., headache, stomachache): At the time of separation, or before, kids with SAD often complain they feel ill.
• Display reluctance to go to sleep: SAD may make these kids insomniacs, either because of the fear of being alone or due to nightmares about separation.
• Refuse to go to school: A youngster with SAD may have an unreasonable fear of school, and will do almost anything to stay home.

SAD occurs because a youngster feels unsafe in some way. Take a look at anything that may have thrown your youngster’s world off balance, or made her feel threatened or could have upset her normal routine. If you can pinpoint the root cause(s), you’ll be one step closer to helping your youngster through her fears.

The following are common causes of SAD in kids:

• Anxiety: Stressful situations (e.g., switching schools, loss of a family member, loss of a pet, divorce, etc.) can trigger SAD. 
• Over-protective parent: In some cases, SAD may be the manifestation of the mother’s or father’s own anxiety—moms and dads and kids can feed one another’s anxieties. 
• Change in environment: Changes in surroundings (e.g., a new house, school, or daycare situation) can trigger SAD. 

For AS and HFA kids with Separation Anxiety Disorder, there are steps parents can take to make the process of separation easier:

1. Be ready for transition points that can cause anxiety for your youngster (e.g., going to school, meeting with friends to play). If your youngster separates from one parent more easily than the other, have that parent handle the drop off.

2. At times of stress at school, a brief phone call (e.g., a minute or two) with a parent may reduce separation anxiety.

3. Develop a “goodbye” ritual. Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss. 

4. Educate yourself about SAD. If you learn about how your youngster experiences this disorder, you can more easily sympathize with his or her struggles.

5. If a school-related problem (e.g., a bully, an unreasonable teacher, disgust of school cafeteria lunches) is the cause of your youngster's anxiety, become an advocate for your child and discuss these problems with the school staff. The teacher or principal may need to make some adjustments to relieve the pressure on your youngster in the classroom, cafeteria, or on the playground. 

6. Remember that every good effort, or a small step in the right direction, deserves to be praised. Use the smallest of accomplishments (e.g., going to bed without a fuss, a good report from school) as reason to give your youngster positive reinforcement. 

7. Help your youngster develop independence by encouraging activities with other kids outside the home (e.g., clubs, sports activities, overnights with friends, etc.). 

8. Find a place at school where your youngster can go to reduce anxiety during stressful periods. Develop guidelines for appropriate use of the “safe place.”

9. If the school can be lenient about late arrival at first, it can give you and your youngster a little wiggle room to talk and separate at your youngster’s slower pace.

10. If your child has missed several days of school due to separation anxiety, initiate a plan for him to return to school immediately. This may include gradual reintroduction with partial days at first. The longer he stays home, the more difficult his eventual return will be. Explain that he is in good health and his physical symptoms are probably due to concerns he has expressed to you (e.g., grades, homework, relationships with educators, anxiety over social pressure, legitimate fears of violence at school, etc.). Let him know that school attendance is required by law. He will continue to exert some pressure on you to let him stay home, but remain determined to get him back in school. Recruit school staff (e.g., school nurse) to help with this.

11. Keep calm during separation. If your youngster sees that you can stay cool, he is more likely to be calm, too.

12. If you allow your youngster to stay home, be sure he is safe and comfortable, but he should not receive any special treatment. His symptoms should be treated with consideration and understanding. If his complaints warrant it, he should stay in bed. However, his day should not be a holiday. There should be no special snacks and no visitors, and he should be supervised. 

13. Keep familiar surroundings when possible, and make new surroundings familiar (e.g., have the sitter come to your house; when your youngster is away from home, let her bring a familiar object).

14. Leave without fanfare. Tell your youngster you are leaving and that you will return, then go – don’t hang around.

15. Make a commitment to be extra firm on school mornings whenever your child begins to complain about her symptoms. Keep discussions about physical symptoms or anxiety to a minimum. For example, do not ask her how she feels. If she is well enough to be up and moving around the house, then she is well enough to attend school. When in doubt, err on the side of sending your youngster to school. 

16. Listen to and respect your youngster’s feelings. For kids who might already feel isolated by their disorder, the experience of being listened to can have a powerful healing effect.

17. Minimize scary television shows and movies. Your youngster is less likely to be fearful if the shows you watch are not frightening.

18. Offer choices as much as possible. If your youngster is given a choice or some element of control in an activity or interaction with a grown-up, she may feel more safe and comfortable. 

19. Place a note for your youngster in his lunch box or locker. A quick “I love you!” on a napkin can reassure a SAD youngster.

20. Practice separation. Leave your youngster with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first. 

21. Provide a consistent routine for the day. Don’t underestimate the importance of predictability for kids with separation anxiety. If your family’s schedule is going to change, discuss it ahead of time with your AS or HFA youngster. 

22. While you may try to manage separation anxiety on your own, if your child's fretfulness lasts more than a few weeks, you and your child may need professional assistance to deal with it. First, he should be examined by your doctor. If his anxiety persists, or if he has chronic or intermittent signs of separation difficulties when going to school (in combination with physical symptoms that are interfering with his functioning), your doctor may recommend a consultation with a psychiatrist or psychologist. Even if your youngster denies having negative experiences at school or with other kids, his unexplainable physical symptoms should motivate you to schedule a medical evaluation. 

23. Schedule separations after naps or meals. AS and HFA kids are more susceptible to separation anxiety when they’re tired or hungry. 

24. Set limits in a compassionate way. Let your youngster know that although you understand his feelings, there are rules in your household that need to be followed.

25. Support your youngster's participation in activities. Encourage him to participate in healthy social and physical activities.

26. Talk about the problem. It’s very healthy for kids to talk about their feelings. They don’t benefit from “not thinking about it.” Be empathetic, but also gently remind your youngster that she survived the last separation.

27. Try not to give in. Reassure your youngster that he will be just fine. Setting some healthy limits will help the adjustment to separation.

28. If your youngster's anxiety is severe, she might benefit from a step-wise return to school. For example: 

• On day one, she could get up in the morning and get dressed, and then you could drive her by the school so she can get some feel for it before you return home with her.
• On day two, she could go to school for just half a day, or for only a favorite class or two.
• On day three, she could return for one full day of school within that week.
• The following week, she could attend school for three of the five days.
• The week after that, she could attend on all five days.

Moms and dads should be concerned if their AS or HFA youngster regularly complains about feeling sick or often asks to stay home from school with minor physical complaints. Not wanting to go to school may occur at any time, but is most common in kids 5-7 and 11-14 (times when they are dealing with the new challenges of elementary and middle school). AS and HFA kids may suffer from a paralyzing fear of leaving the safety of their home. Their panic and refusal to go to school is very difficult for moms and dads to cope with, but these fears and behavior can be successfully managed by using the steps listed above.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Helping Aspergers Children Alleviate School-Related Stress

Research suggests that up to 80% of students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism experience school-related anxiety at some point during their school career. Anxiety Disorders such as OCD, Social Anxiety and Generalized Anxiety Disorder commonly co-occur with Aspergers.

When anxiety symptoms are untreated, they can further interfere with a child's quality of education. Kids with both Aspergers and Anxiety Disorders experience a more limited social world than kids with only one disorder. They may have difficulty in adapting at school by avoiding opportunities to make friends, join social activities, and break their usual rituals to try something new.

Although little is known about what anxiety symptoms look like in Aspergers students, the following symptoms (which overlap with Anxiety Disorders) indicate school-related anxiety:

• Avoidance of new situations
• Becoming "silly"
• Becoming explosive easily (e.g., anger outbursts)
• Increased insistence on routines and sameness
• Increased preference for rules and rigidity
• Increased repetitive behavior
• Increased special interest
• Irritability
• Somatic complaints
• Withdrawal from social situations

So, what can parents do to alleviate their Aspergers child’s school-related anxiety? Here are some tips:

1. Encourage sleep, exercise, and family mealtimes. It's not unusual for 30% - 40% of Aspergers children to get 6 hours of sleep or less (due to Aspergers-related sleep difficulties). Very few are getting the required hours that a child needs (which is 9 ½ hours). Adequate sleep alone will make a big difference in the child’s stress levels.

Exercise to help cope with stress is also an important step toward alleviating school-related anxiety. If all a child has is academics during the day and computer games during the evening, stress due to the lack of exercise is going to build up – and it's got to go somewhere. It's going to help if Aspergers kids are being physically active.

Family time is also crucial for cushioning stress. Having meals together is a good way to connect with your youngster (i.e., a minimum of 20 minutes sitting down together at least 4 to 5 times a week). Listen to your kid, and communicate with him.

2. Keep the fun in childhood. Kids often have too little unstructured time to relax and play, from a leisurely bike ride with friends to a Sunday hanging out at the park. School is their job, and you know how stressful jobs can be. If you don't go and have fun and forget about it for a little while, you're just going to take it with you the next day. And you’re not going to perform as well.

3. Over-scheduling is a big source of school stress. For example, many high-school students enroll in more Honors or Advanced Placement courses than they can handle, and then pile extracurricular activities on top.

If parents filled their kids' schedules with more sleep, down time, and family time, they would notice such a big difference in their children’s stress level. It would be that dramatic of a change. There are so many things to do now. It's not like you just go outside and play. Now there are clubs, sports, ballet, gym – plus you're trying to squeeze homework in there.

As a society, we're just in a whirlwind. For some Aspergers kids, this hurried lifestyle is a source of stress and anxiety that often leads to depression. The challenge is to strike a balance between work and play. If your youngster feels overly stressed and overwhelmed, look for ways to cut back on school work and extra activities (though that's not easy for overachieving parents to hear).

4. Teach kids time-management skills. With today's heavy homework loads, time-management and organizational skills are crucial weapons against stress. Teach your Aspergers kid to budget his time wisely with homework. For example, he should try to do something every night instead of cramming at the last moment.

5. Watch for signs of school-related stress. With Aspergers teens, parents should watch for stress-related behaviors, like purposely cutting themselves, or expressions of despair or hopelessness, however casual the comments may sound. Those are off-hand remarks that you need to take seriously. Younger kids may have more subtle signs of school stress (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, reluctance to go to school, etc.).

6. Watch the parental pressure. Some parents may not realize they're making school stress worse by pressuring their Aspergers kid to excel. But moms and dads who want to ease their youngster’s stress must shift their perspective.

Really think about how you're defining success in your family. If the first question out of your mouth when your child walks through the door is, “How did you do on that Math test today?” …then you're sending a message that you value grades more than anything else. Instead, ask: "What's the best thing that happened to you today?" "Did you learn anything exciting or new?" At first, the conversations may be awkward. It's going to take some practice. But just asking the questions in that way is starting to send the right message.

It's not easy for some parents to lighten up. Even moms and dads who wish to take a lower-key approach to child-rearing fear slowing down when they perceive everyone else is on the fast track. Try to keep in mind that a few low test grades won't torpedo your youngster's lifelong plans.

7. Use some stress-relieving homework tips:

• Ask the school about resources if your Aspergers youngster is struggling academically. Many schools now have homework clubs, math clubs, and tutoring programs after school.
• Give your youngster a quiet place to study, free of distractions, away from TV and video games.
• If your youngster struggles with tracking his homework, help him by following along with homework if his school posts assignments online.
• If possible, have your youngster study earlier rather than later in the day. The later it is for most children, the shorter their attention span.
• Teach your youngster to use a planner to keep track of assignments. When he finishes each assignment, he can check them off for a feeling of accomplishment.

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

 COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Definitely applies to my anxious, perfectionistic, Aspie. I try to ask her more about the fun stuff after school every day.
•    Anonymous said... I have aspergers, GAD, OCD, and SPD and I hated school. I home school my kids I would never torture them with public schools. I was bullied even by my so called friends also one teacher. I am indifferent and easily annoyed by faux social BS. I do not require friends, however if I meet a person with similar interests I will engage and try to remember to ask them questions and I tell them that I have aspergers and I wont ever call them or anything so if they want to meet up to just call me and a couple do. (play dates which I normally hate) I like to limit my stress, noise blocking head phones, sunglasses so I can make sure I take my kids out to do lots of fun things. I do not handle schedules or appointments well at all. School is one big schedule! Im guessing parents of aspie kids make them shower every day. Big mistake! you just exhausted half their energy for the day. You can stay clean and not shower daily. Its like you dont take a hungry baby that hasnt napped out to the grocery store! Make them feel comfortable and if they are not figure out a way to make them comfortable, comfort is key to me and that includes my routine, how my clothing feel, list of things I require to function etc I shut down more then I melt down becuase I have a very understanding family that are so thoughtful to help not contribute to over stimulation. Comfort = peace, for me anyway
•    Anonymous said... This is totally my son, but he doesnt see it. He refuses to go to therapy and has missed 8 appointments due to refusal, he doesnt see anything is wrong. He now rarely goes to school. Has anyone else found luck getting treatment for teen who refuses to cooperate?

Post your comment below…

Help for ASD Kids Who Are Overwhelmed by Social Situations

"Question: How to help a child with ASD to have enough confidence to engage in activities and with people that are outside his comfort zone?"

A common experience among children with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), is being overwhelmed in social situations. A child with social anxiety faces sensory overload as well as extreme feelings of nervousness around people. As a result, he or she feels uncomfortable participating in many everyday social situations.

Children with social anxiety usually interact easily with parents, siblings, and a few close friends. But noisy crowds, meeting new people, going to new places, or engaging in new and unfamiliar activities can be highly stressful. Instead of enjoying social activities, children with social anxiety dread them — and avoid some of them altogether.



Social anxiety can affect an HFA child’s life in many ways. For example, it can keep him or her from reading aloud in class, volunteering an answer in class, or giving a presentation. He or she may feel too nervous to ask a question in class or go to the teacher for help. Social anxiety not only prevents these “special needs” children from trying new things, it also prevents them from making the normal, everyday mistakes that help them improve their social skills still further.  Social anxiety may also prevent the HFA child from chatting with classmates in the lunchroom or on the playground, joining an after-school club, or going to a party.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism 

What can parents do to assist their HFA child in expanding his or her social circle?

Many moms and dads report that they simply wish it was easier for their youngster to make friends and to be less inhibited in social situations. If your youngster is experiencing social anxiety that is interfering in his life, there are several strategies you can employ to address this problem.

Here are 20 ways to help your HFA child feel more comfortable in social situations: 

1. Most kids enjoy sleepovers as a special activity with their friends. However, some children on the autism spectrum report feeling afraid of going to others' homes for sleepovers. Many feel this way due to social anxiety and fears of separating from the parent. Parents can start to help their child feel more comfortable by encouraging sleepovers at a relative's house (e.g., grandparent, aunt, etc.). The youngster should be encouraged to talk about her specific fears about sleepovers so that mom and dad can help her deal with each of these fears directly. Also, moms and dads can encourage their HFA youngster to invite friends to their house first for a sleepover so that she can become used to the activity.

2. Allow your youngster to feel and express his emotions – including anxiety – without the fear of reprisals.

3. If your child’s social anxiety is extreme, you may want to ask your physician about medication. This may be given for just a short time as your child learns ways to get comfortable in situations that have been difficult.

4. Build your youngster’s personal strength through praise and finding things at which he excels. Also have him do jobs around the house so he knows he is contributing to the household.

5. Parents can encourage their youngster to set up "play dates" with other children. Before the youngster leaves school for summer vacation, mom or dad can encourage her to get a list of all her classmates' phone numbers. The youngster can have a special address book or small notebook where her classmates can sign-in their name and phone number. During those summer days when there are no activities scheduled, she can refer back to the list of school friends' numbers to invite a friend over to play.

6. Don't continually reassure your anxious youngster. Let her learn by doing things on her own. Teach her to answer her own questions, and show you believe in her.

7. Exposure therapy is a good method for overcoming excessive anxiety around people. Starting with situations that are not too threatening, you might arrange for your child to practice surviving social encounters (e.g., asking a cashier how much something costs, saying ‘hi’ to the greeter at Walmart, reading a poem to everyone at the dinner table, etc.).

8. Keep your own fears to yourself, and let you youngster know it's safe to explore the world around him.

9. Dance, Boy/Girl Scouts, sports and other clubs are excellent places for HFA kids to meet peers with similar interests. Parents should engage their youngster in a discussion of his interests and help him join a club to develop a hobby (e.g., music, art, model building, karate, etc.). (As a side note, it has been my experience that a lot of kids on the spectrum tend to love karate!)

10. You may want to ask your child to keep a diary of her thoughts as she goes through the day. Sometimes recording your thoughts about uncomfortable social encounters – and what you imagine other people may be doing or saying at the time – will help you develop a new perspective.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with High-Functioning Autism

11. Set expectations for the anxious youngster the same way you would for any other kid; however, understand the pace may be slower, and it may require more work to get there.

12. HFA kids are better able to enter a feared situation – and are less likely to avoid it – when they have a skill to help them relax before entering the feared situation. There are many relaxation CDs for autistic kids to help them learn the skill of progressive muscle relaxation using positive imagery. Through the use of the CDs, these kids can learn to relax themselves in numerous situations that cause them fear.

13. Host a neighborhood get-together, a cookout, a playgroup with both parents and kids, or a music group. These are ways to help HFA kids practice being around peers and other grown-ups.

14. Set consequences for inappropriate behavior, but don't confuse anxiety-related behaviors with “misbehavior.”

15. Scripting is another method to help alleviate social anxiety. Your child can prepare, in advance, a script or some responses to use when placed in an awkward situation. This will help make those situations less threatening.

16. Work together with the other adults (e.g., spouse, teacher, coach, etc.) in your child’s life so he gets a consistent message across settings.

17. Let your youngster know that it is perfectly normal to feel a little hesitant about certain social situations, or meeting new people for the first time. Also, it is natural to feel a bit nervous about raising your hand in class to ask the teacher for help, giving an oral report to the class, or talking to a total stranger. This anxiety is normal, and it will go away the more your youngster practices the situations that he is most anxious about.

18. Role play social situations that have been difficult. For example, some anxious children refuse to call their friends due to fears that they will not know what to say. Role play these and other situations with your youngster (e.g., your youngster can be taught to say something like, "It would be great if you could come over to my house sometime next week! Do you want to get together to play, go swimming, or have dinner?").

19. Acknowledge and praise successes in social situations. Tell your youngster how proud you are of her specific successes. Let her know that you enjoy watching her have so much fun with her peers. Applaud her achievements in trying new things (e.g., making a phone call to order pizza for the first time, ordering for herself in a restaurant for the first time, etc.). Tell your youngster exactly what you like about her behavior, and you will likely see this behavior increase. Also, acknowledge “attempts” at social successes, whether the attempt was successful or not (e.g., “I noticed you tried to talk to your friend, but she was preoccupied with something else and didn’t hear you. Good job. Maybe try again later.”).

20. I’ve saved the best for last: Social skills training may be the greatest method for dealing with social anxiety. Your child can take classes or receive specific training to help him overcome certain fears (e.g., making good eye contact, walking in the school hallways between classes, coping with unstructured time such as lunch, etc.). Assertiveness training and learning positive body language can also be taught in social skills classes.

Over time, the coping methods listed above can help your AS or HFA child control the symptoms of social anxiety – and prevent a relapse. Remind your child that she can get through anxious moments, that her anxiety is short-lived, and that the negative consequences she worries about so much rarely come to pass.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

 

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Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

 

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5 Ways to Help Reduce Anxiety in Children with Aspergers

Many advancements have been made in recent years in order to help children with Asperger's Syndrome better manage emotional strife. Because the effects of Asperger’s can range from emotional hypersensitivity to difficulty expressing emotional affect, children diagnosed with Asperger's often require additional support.

Anxiety for children with Aspergers can present a particularly challenging struggle for both the children and their families. Below are some carefully researched suggestions in order to reduce anxiety in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.

First, children with Aspergers often function well with routines and struggle when routines are broken or something unexpected suddenly springs up. Predictable daily schedules will help reduce and prevent anxiety in a child with Asperger's because he or she can understand what to expect on a daily basis out of any situation.

Nonetheless, changes in our routines are inevitable. When changes are anticipated to the child’s routine, it is important to verbalize to him or her what to expect from the situation. If the child is meeting a new person, explain the relationship of this person to the family. If going on vacation or visiting a new place, preview with the child some of the sights, sounds, and experiences he or she can anticipate from the change of scenery.

Allow for the child to begin to process and interpret the new situation beforehand in order to help him or her cope better with the change in routine.

Often, when a child with Asperger's is struggling with anxiety, one of the best solutions to offer include items that help to stimulate the child’s senses. Weighted blankets are a useful tool to include in a child’s bedding.

These blankets are carefully designed to place additional pressure upon the person using them. The intention is for the child to feel an extra tight snuggle. Medical experts support that the added pressure can even simulate the experience and safety and security of the womb.

Much like weighted blankets, pressurized clothing and fabrics are available. Pressurized clothing stimulates the senses. In many cases, these are items like undergarment vests or leggings that allow for the child to actively connect with his or her body and use sensorial coping strategies in order to alleviate tension.

In addition, parents can purchase full body socks that function much like a sleeping bag or cocoon. These items allow for the child to stretch out but to feel secure with added sensorial pressure. These materials help the child to develop motor skills, promote sensory awareness, and help alleviate anxiety when a child is feeling tense.

Apart from fabrics and materials, there are also manual items and toys that can help a child with Asperger's handle his or her anxiety. Children with Asperger's can benefit from both tactile and visual stimulation. Many hand-held items including toys, fidget spinners, and even putties exist to alleviate anxiety.

Fidget toys and spinners are often multifaceted toys that allow for the child to spin, pull, press, twist, or squeeze a small item manually to help to promote sensory awareness and alleviate immediate tension. Similarly, stress putty, much like silly putty or molding clay, can be used to relieve anxiety, offering the child something small and stimulating to squeeze when he or she is feeling anxious.

The final recommendation is a popular solution in modern alternative medicine. Pure essential oils logically help Asperger's children with anxiety because they stimulate the olfactory senses. According to Mental Health Matters, common fragrances selected for anxiety include lavender, chamomile, eucalyptus, frankincense, and peppermint extracts.

Pure essential oils can be used aromatically using an essential oil diffuser to produce a light scented mist, or they can be used in sprays and lotions to apply to fabric or even directly onto the body. The effects of pure essential oils can be extremely calming and soothing, especially combined with other relaxation techniques. If curious about essential oils, please follow this link for more information and to purchase: Pure Path Essential Oils

The struggles for children with Asperger's Syndrome are unique in many situations. However, taking these suggestions in mind, it is important for children with Asperger's to be able to process their environment and to feel secure. With the assistance of these techniques, parents of children with Asperger's can best assist their children in any anxiety-provoking situation.

The Cycle of Anxiety to Inflexibility in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

“My son on the autism spectrum (high functioning) is very stubborn - and is often angry and disobedient. He also has severe anxiety. Is it possible that the anxiety is causing him to act-out in various ways?”

The short answer is “yes.” A common theme exists among children with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) – specifically, their tendency to exhibit both behavioral and cognitive rigidity (which parents often perceive as stubbornness and disobedience) in response to anxiety. A strong correlation between anxiety and inflexibility is evident both at home and in the school environment. 

Anxiety—

A vulnerability to anxiety is an intrinsic feature of Asperger’s and HFA due to (a) specific neurotransmitter system defects, (b) a breakdown in circuitry related to extinguishing fear responses, and (c) a secondary consequence of the child’s inability to make appropriate social judgments.



There are several factors at play that increase the anxiety level of children on the autism spectrum:

• A lack of empathy significantly limits skills for autonomous social problem-solving. For example, if the child is unaware that she hurts her peers’ feeling by being the “class tattletale” when anyone breaks a rule, she is not likely to change that behavior, resulting in being the “class outcast.”
• For the higher functioning youngster on the autism spectrum, there is sufficient grasp of situations to recognize that others “get it” when he does not.
• Limitations in generalizing from one situation to another often contribute to repeating the same social mistakes. For example, the child may have found a way to positively connect with his siblings at home, yet he doesn’t translate that same skill over to connecting with classmates.
• Limitations in the child’s ability to grasp social cues (e.g., body language) creates repeated social errors. For example, he may talk incessantly about a special interest, but due to an inability to read non-verbal cues, he fails to recognize that the listeners have become bored. But, he continues to ramble on about his interest and fails to get his message across because no one is paying attention anymore. 
• Social limitations make it difficult for a child with the disorder to develop coping strategies for soothing herself and containing difficult emotions.
• The child on the autism spectrum is often teased and bullied by his peers, yet he has great difficulty mounting an effective socially adaptive response.

The circumstances that raise the anxiety level of children with Asperger’s and HFA often result in their increased need to control people, places, and things. This need for control takes the form of rigidity.

Behavioral and Cognitive Rigidity—

Behavioral rigidity refers to the youngster’s difficulty in maintaining appropriate behavior in new and unfamiliar situations. Cognitive rigidity occurs when the youngster is unable to consider alternatives to the current situation, alternative viewpoints, or innovative solutions to a problem.

Children with rigid thinking tend to view situations in “either-or” terms (e.g., right or wrong, good or bad). They want concrete, black and white answers. The “gray areas” of life are very uncomfortable.

Symptoms of rigidity often introduce some of the most disruptive, chronic behaviors exhibited by children with Asperger’s and HFA. For example, aggression, difficulties tolerating changes in routine, dislike of changes to plans that have been previously laid out, meltdowns, tantrums, frustration, and problems with minor differences in the environment, such as changes in location for certain activities.

Parents often find themselves “walking on eggshells” in an effort to circumvent any extreme reaction from their brittle child. In addition, the child herself may articulate her anxiety over fears that things will not go according to plan, or that she will be forced to make changes that she can’t handle.

Sometimes these behaviors are identified as “obsessive-compulsive” because of the child’s need for ritualized order or non-functional routine. In other words, the child has a strong “need for sameness.”

As one can easily imagine, behavioral and cognitive rigidity causes many problems in the Asperger’s or HFA child’s relationships, which usually results in an even higher level of anxiety for him or her. Thus, the cycle continues.

==> Click here for more information on anxiety in children on the autism spectrum…

==> Click here for more information on rigidity…

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

ASD and Anxiety Overload

"What can I do as a parent to help my Asperger's child to be less anxious about his upcoming trip to the zoo? His 5th grade class will be going on this field trip next week, and he is very nervous about it."

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and anxiety go hand-in-hand. It affects a child’s ability to communicate with others or to understand the world around him, and that’s bound to cause anxiety and panic sometimes. Anxiety becomes even worse when there is a change in the ASD child’s routine. Even positive and “fun” changes, like a school field trip or a visit to the zoo, can increase anxiety and aggressive behaviors. The renowned autism expert Tony Atwood is fond of putting it this way: “Autism is anxiety looking for a target.”

For parents, the best course of action is to anticipate upcoming changes and help your child prepare for them. Many parents find it helpful to use stories and pictures to prepare children for impending disruptions. If it’s a field trip to the zoo, for example, use pictures to show your child what he’ll see at the zoo, what the zoo will be like, and what sort of things to expect. Do this each day for three or four days prior to the trip. That way, when the trip actually happens, the child won’t be entirely out of his element, but will already understand and appreciate some of what will be happening.

Other changes in the routine are less enjoyable but still necessary. Getting a new teacher can be traumatic, as can moving to a new house. If at all possible, try to spread out the major changes. If you move to a new house, try to do it during the summer, so that your child won’t have to deal with the added anxiety of getting a new school and new teacher mid-year.

You can also introduce your child to the concept of “change” in a positive way by practicing with non-negative things. For example, just for practice, give him a little extra TV time instead of homework time one night, to show that changes in the routine can often be fun and good. Then practice with a neutral change (homework after dinner instead of before dinner), then with a negative one (changing play time into chore time). This process can help your child grow accustomed to the idea of change and learn to adapt without becoming anxious.

For continual, ongoing anxiety, many parents have begun using anti-anxiety medications for their ASD children. Usually, the medications are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), and are also used for obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression. Prozac, Luvox, Zoloft and Anafranil are all common for anxiety in children with ASD.

All children with ASD are different. You and your doctor should monitor your child’s progress very closely, using the lowest dose of medication possible, to see what improvements it makes and whether there are any adverse reactions.

Medication should be the last resort for ASD, not the first one. There are a number of natural remedies available if you don’t want to go down the drug route. But try behavioral and dietary modifications first, to see what improvements can be made naturally.

The Parenting Autism Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Autism

Kids on the Autism Spectrum: Reasons for Their Behavior

“I would like to better understand my son, who is on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. I want to understand how he thinks, how he interprets what is going on, and how his deficits cause problems. Thanks in advance!”

This is a very good question, because a lot of parents of kids on the autism spectrum will rush into action before they have collected enough information and analyzed what is going on. If you do not know the reasons behind the behavior, you may very likely do the wrong thing. If you know what is going on, you can help things go better.

Realizing that your son will not be a good observer of his behavior is your first step. The youngster with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger’s (AS) often does not know what to do in a situation. He does not know the appropriate behavior because he doesn't understand how the world works. Or, if he knows a better solution, he cannot use it because he becomes "stuck."

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Not knowing what to do - or being unable to do what is appropriate - results in anxiety that leads to additional ineffective and inappropriate actions. Autistic-like behavior is usually a result of this anxiety, which leads to difficulty moving on and letting go of an issue and "getting stuck" on something. This is rigidity, and it is the most common reason for behavioral problems. See the sidebar for a list of reasons for rigidity. You must deal with rigidity and replace it with flexibility early on in your plan to help your son. Flexibility is a skill that can be taught, and you will make this a major part of your efforts to help him.

Reasons for Rigidity—

1. A misunderstanding or misinterpretation of another's action.

2. A violation of a rule or ritual – changing something from the way it is supposed to be. Someone is violating a rule and this is unacceptable to the youngster.

3. Anxiety about a current or upcoming event, no matter how trivial it might appear to you.

4. Immediate gratification of a need.

5. Lack of knowledge about how something is done. By not knowing how the world works with regard to specific situations and events, the youngster will act inappropriately instead.

6. Other internal issues, such as sensory, inattention (ADHD), oppositional tendency (ODD), or other psychiatric issues may also be causes of behavior.

7. The need to avoid or escape from a nonpreferred activity, often something difficult or undesirable. Often, if your son cannot be perfect, she does not want to engage in an activity.

8. The need to control a situation.

9. The need to engage in or continue a preferred activity, usually an obsessive action or fantasy.

10. Transitioning from one activity to another. This is usually a problem because it may mean ending an activity before he is finished with it.

[Note: Attention-getting is very rarely seen. It should not be considered as a reason for rigidity until all of the above reasons have been considered and eliminated.]

Understanding your son involves knowing the characteristics discussed earlier and how they manifest themselves in everyday behaviors. How does he see the world, think about matters, and react to what is going on around him? The following reasons will help you understand "why he acts the way he does."

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Not Understanding How the World Works—

The HFA or AS youngster has a neurocognitive disorder that affects many areas of functioning. This includes a difficulty with the basic understanding of the rules of society, especially if they are not obvious. Life has many of these rules. Some are written, some are spoken, and some are learned through observation and intuition. Your son only knows what has been directly taught to him through books, movies, TV shows, the Internet, and explicit instructions. He is not able to sit in a room, observe what is happening, and understand social cues, implied directions, or how to "read between the lines," and as he is growing up, he does not learn how to do this. Instead, he learns facts. He does not "take in" what is happening around him that involves the rest of the world, only what directly impacts him.

Many of the conversations he has had have generally been about knowledge and facts, not about feelings, opinions, and interactions. As a result, he does not really know how the world works and what one is supposed to do in various situations. This can apply to even the smallest situations you might take for granted. Not knowing the unspoken rules of situations causes anxiety and upset. This leads to many of the behavioral issues that appear as the HFA or AS youngster tries to impose his own sense of order on a world he doesn't understand.

The HFA or AS youngster creates his own set of rules for everyday functioning to keep things from changing and thereby minimize his anxiety. Sometimes, he just makes up the rules when it is convenient. Other times, he attempts to make them up by looking for patterns, rules, or the logic of a situation to make it less chaotic for him and more predictable and understandable. If there are no rules for an event or situation, he will create them from his own experiences based on what he has read, seen, or heard. He will often have a great deal of information to use in reaching his conclusions and forming his opinions and feelings. As a result, some of his conclusions are correct and some are wrong.

He will rarely consider someone else's point of view if he does not consider them to be an "expert." The fewer people he sees as experts, the more behavioral difficulty you will see. He might consider teachers and others to be experts, but his parents will rarely be seen as such. Therefore, he will argue with you about your opinions if different from his own. He thinks that his opinion is as good as yours, so he chooses his. This represents his rigid thinking. He finds it difficult to be flexible and consider alternate views, especially if he has already reached a conclusion. New ideas can be difficult to accept ("I'd rather do it the way I've always done it"). Being forced to think differently can cause a lot of anxiety.

You must never overestimate the HFA or AS youngster's understanding of a situation because of his high intellectual ability or his other strengths. Your son is a boy who needs to figure out how the world works. He needs a road map and the set of instructions, one example at a time.

Frames of Reference—

In trying to understand how the world works, your son tries to make sense of your explanations, but sometimes is not able to do this. As a result, your effort at intervening falls short. This can occur because your explanation has no meaning. Each HFA or AS youngster can only understand things for which they have a frame of reference, meaning they have a picture or idea about this from other sources or from prior discussions. They cannot understand what you will tell them without this frame of reference. For example, when I asked a teenage boy if he missed his parents when he was at overnight camp for a week, he replied that it was not all that long. When I asked him again if he missed them, he said he could e-mail them whenever he wanted. After my third attempt to get an answer he finally said to me, "I can't answer that question. Since I have never missed anyone before, I have nothing against which I can compare my feelings to know what missing feels like." In the next few chapters we will explain how to give your son or adolescent a new frame of reference.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's


Preferred and Nonpreferred Activities—

For all children on the autism spectrum, life tends to be divided into two categories – preferred and nonpreferred activities. Preferred activities are those things he engages in frequently and with great intensity. He seeks them out without any external motivation. However, not all of his preferred activities are equal. Some are much more highly desired and prized. An activity that is lower on the list can never be used as a motivator for one that is higher. For example, you cannot get him to substitute his video game playing by offering a food reward if the game playing is higher on his list.

Any activity that is not preferred can be considered nonpreferred. They are less desirable and many are avoided. The lower they are on the list of desirability, the more he will resist or avoid doing them. Sometimes an activity or task becomes nonpreferred because it is made to compete with one that is much more highly valued. For example, taking a bath could be enjoyable, but if the child is reading, and reading is higher on his list, he will resist or throw a tantrum.

Preferred and nonpreferred activities are always problem areas. Your son will always want to engage in preferred activities even when you have something more important for him to do. He does not want to end preferred activities and your attempts to have him end them can produce upset of one kind or another. On the other hand, trying to get him to do nonpreferred activities, such as interacting socially, can also be difficult. If many nonpreferred elements are combined together, the problem can become a nightmare, such as with homework.

The HFA or AS youngster rarely has activities he just likes. He tends to either love or hate an activity. The middle ground is usually missing. Teaching a middle ground or shades of gray can be a goal and will be discussed later. Also, as you try to teach him something new, you will encounter resistance because you are asking him to do something that's not a preferred activity. But, as he outgrows younger interests, he will need to learn new ones in order to have some common interests with his peers. He needs to experience new things to see if he likes them, but may not want to do this just because you're asking him to do something new. He already has his list of preferred interests and will rarely see the need for anything new. Quite often, his preferred list will include computer or video games. However, the more he is on the computer or the more he plays video games, the less available he is to be in the real world and learn something new. Most likely, you will have to control his access to preferred activities if new ones are to be introduced.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors and Anxiety—

Obsessive-compulsive issues, also referred to as rituals, rigidity, perseverations, rules, or black-and-white thinking, originate in the HFA or AS child's difficulty understanding the world around him or her. This creates anxiety, the underlying cause for his/her obsessive-compulsive behaviors. You will see anxiety in many different ways, depending on how your son manifests it. Some kids will show it in obvious ways, such as crying, hiding under furniture, or clinging to you. Others show it by trying to control the situation and bossing people around. Some may hit or throw a tantrum. Some may act silly. No matter how your son displays his anxiety, you need to recognize that it is there and not assume it is due to some other cause such as attention seeking or just plain misbehavior.

Anxiety can occur for the smallest reason. Don't judge anxiety-producing situations by your own reaction to an event. Your son will be much more sensitive to situations than you will be, and often there will be no logical reason for his anxiety. Something that you would be anxious about causes no anxiety in your son, while a small event causes him to be quite anxious. When events change, he never knows what is going to come next and he becomes confused and upset, leading to some form of inappropriate behavior.

Your son's first reaction is to try to reduce or eliminate his anxiety. He must do something, and one of the most effective means is to take all changes, uncertainty, and variability out of the equation. This can be accomplished by obsessions. If everything is done a certain way, if there is a definite and unbreakable rule for every event, and if everyone does as he wishes, everything will be fine. Anxiety is then diminished or reduced, and no upset, tantrums, or meltdowns occur.

Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to do this in the real world. Nevertheless, anxiety needs to be dealt with in some manner. This is the first order of business in planning for many interventions. If you move ahead before this has been settled, it will continue to be a significant interfering factor. Let's look at some examples of this.

Allen, age seventeen, won't leave the house because he wants to have his nails in a certain condition. This condition requires many hours of grooming that interfere with sleeping, eating, and doing just about anything else. This is obsessive-compulsive behavior. Any attempt to get him to leave the house or stop his nail maintenance causes anxiety and is rarely successful.

Anytime Craig, age eleven, hears an answer that he does not like, he becomes upset. If he asks a question or makes a request and the other person's response is not what he expected, he starts to argue with them, often acting out physically. He must have certain answers that are to his liking. This is rigidity in thought and it is also obsessive-compulsive.

Each of these cases has a cognitive and a behavioral component, and both must be considered. Each youngster must learn to get "unstuck" or let go of an issue and move on. They also need to learn how to change their thinking so that it doesn't become a problem to begin with.

Behavioral Manifestations of Anxiety—

• Becoming easily overwhelmed and having difficulty calming down.
• Creating their own set of rules for doing something.
• Demanding unrealistic perfection in their handwriting, or wanting to avoid doing any writing.
• Demonstrating unusual fears, anxiety, tantrums, and showing resistance to directions from others.
• Displaying a good deal of silly behaviors because they are anxious or do not know what to do in a situation.
• Eating a narrow range of foods.
• Having a narrow range of interests, and becoming fixated on certain topics and/or routines.
• Having trouble playing and socializing well with peers or avoiding socializing altogether. They prefer to be alone because others do not do things exactly as they do.
• Insisting on having things and/or events occur in a certain way.
• Intensely disliking loud noises and crowds.
• Lecturing others or engaging in a monologue rather than having a reciprocal conversation.
• Preferring to do the same things over and over.
• Reacting poorly to new events, transitions, or changes.
• Remaining in a fantasy world a good deal of the time and appearing unaware of events around them.
• Tending to conserve energy and put forth the least effort they can, except with highly preferred activities.
• Wanting things to go their way, when they want them to, no matter what anyone else may want. They may argue, throw a tantrum, ignore you, growl, refuse to yield, etc.

Black-and-White Thinking and Mindblindness--

The obsessive-compulsive approach to life results in the narrow range of interests and insistence on set routines typical of an HFA or AS youngster. However, it usually starts as a cognitive (thinking) issue before it becomes a behavioral one. Cognitive issues, such as the inability to take someone else's perspective (mindblindness) and the lack of cognitive flexibility (black-and-white thinking), cause many of the behaviors we see. We know there is a cognitive element by looking at the youngster's behaviors. There is always some distress, anxiety, or obsession manifested in every inappropriate behavior.

As mentioned, your son's cognitive difficulties lead to inaccurate interpretations and understanding of the world. How someone interprets a situation determines how he will respond to it. Many times, the interpretation of an event is either not an accurate one or not one that leads to positive or prosocial actions. If the event can be reinterpreted for him, it might lead to a more productive outcome. In doing this, we must first try to understand how the child interprets a situation. All of the child's behaviors are filtered through his perception of the way the world works.

Remember, details are extremely important in trying to understand what is happening and what to do about it. Do not try to intervene until you understand, at least to a small degree, what is happening with your son. Changing thinking becomes a paramount issue, but one that is often neglected. However, successful changes in thinking will dramatically increase the success rate of any strategy you use.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Questions to Ask about the Child’s Behavior—

To help you determine the reasons why your son acts the way he does, you should ask yourself the following questions:

1. Because a situation was one way the first time, does he feel it has to be that way always? (Being rule bound.)

2. Does he need to be taught a better way to deal with a problem? (He does not understand the way the world works.)

3. Does he see only two choices to a situation rather than many options? (Black-and-white thinking.)

4. Has he made a rule that can't be followed? (He sees only one way to solve a problem. He cannot see alternatives.)

5. Is he blaming you for something that is beyond your control? (He feels that you must solve the problem for him/her even when it involves issues you have no control over.)

6. Is he exaggerating the importance of an event? There are no small events …everything that goes wrong is a catastrophe. (Black-and-white thinking.)

7. Is he expecting perfection in him/herself? (Black-and-white thinking.)

8. Is he misunderstanding what is happening and assuming something that isn't true? (Misinterpretation.)

9. Is he stuck on an idea and can't let it go? (He does not know how to let go and move on when there is a problem.)

==> More crucial information regarding your child's behavioral issues and the associated parenting strategies can be found here...


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==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

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Anxiety-Based Absenteeism and School-Refusal in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Some youngsters with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), experience fear or panic when they think about going to school in the morning. These kids may tell their moms and dads that they feel nauseous or have a headache, or may exaggerate minor physical complaints as an excuse not to go to school.

When the HFA youngster exhibits a developmentally inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from their home or from those to whom they are attached, they may be experiencing a Separation Anxiety Disorder. This disorder is characterized by the youngster exhibiting three or more of the following for a period of more than four weeks: 

1. persistent and excessive worry about losing, or about possible harm befalling, major attachment figures
2. persistent and excessive worry that a troublesome event will lead to separation from a major attachment figure (e.g., getting lost or being kidnapped)
3. persistent reluctance or refusal to go to school or elsewhere because of fear of separation
4. persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure or to sleep away from home
5. persistently and excessively fearful or reluctant to be alone or without major attachment figures at home or without significant adults in other settings
6. recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
7. repeated complaints of physical symptoms (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
8. repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation

In addition to the symptoms described above, HFA kids with an unreasonable fear of school may also:

• display clinging behavior
• fear being alone in the dark
• feel unsafe staying in a room by themselves and frequently go check to find their parent or have a need to be able to see their parent (e.g., a child in a shopping mall who feels a lot of distress if he can't always see his parent may be exhibiting a symptom of separation anxiety)
• have difficulty going to sleep
• have exaggerated, unrealistic fears of animals, monsters, burglars, etc.
• have nightmares about being separated from their parent(s)
• have severe tantrums when forced to go to school

School-Refusal versus School-Refusal Behavior—

There is a significant difference between “school-refusal” and “school-refusal behavior.” The child who ditches school to hang out with his buddies is exhibiting school refusal behavior. Often, this is nothing more than a phase brought on by a sense of rebellion. On the other hand, the youngster who clings to his mom’s leg, screaming at the thought of having to enter the school building, is showing signs of school refusal (also called "anxiety-based absenteeism"). However, the label doesn't matter nearly as much as getting your youngster back in school. Working with school officials (and in serious cases, a therapist) to create a plan is a necessary step. 

 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Is your child refusing to go to school due to real separation anxiety issues, or is he or she simply being defiant? Answers to the following questions may help to determine the motivation behind school-refusal or school-refusal behavior:

• Are symptoms of school-refusal evident on weekends and holidays?
• Are there any non-school situations where anxiety or attention-seeking behavior occurs?
• Have recent or traumatic home or school events influenced your youngster’s school-refusal?
• How did your youngster’s school-refusal develop over time?
• Is your youngster willing to attend school if incentives are provided for attendance?
• Is your youngster willing to attend school if you accompany him or her?
• Is your youngster’s refusal to attend school legitimate or understandable in some way (e.g., due to a school-based threat, bullying, inadequate school environment, etc.)?
• Is your youngster’s school-refusal relatively acute or chronic in nature? 
• What are your youngster’s specific forms of absenteeism, and how do these forms change daily?
• What comorbid conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, sensory sensitivities, etc.) occur with your youngster’s school-refusal?
• What family disruption or conflict has occurred as a result of your youngster’s school-refusal?
• What is your youngster’s academic and social status? (This would include a review of academic records, formal evaluation reports, attendance records, and IEP or 504 plans.)
• What is your youngster’s degree of anxiety or misbehavior upon entering school?
• What specific problematic behaviors are present in the morning before school?
• What specific school-related stimuli are provoking your youngster’s concern about going to school?
• What specific social situations at school are avoided?
• What specific tangible rewards does your youngster pursue outside of school that cause him or her to miss school?

One way of conceptualizing absenteeism involves reinforcers. For example:

1. to pursue tangible reinforcers outside of school (e.g., sleeping late, watching television, playing with peers, engaging in delinquent behavior or substance use, etc.)
2. to pursue attention from significant others (e.g., wanting to stay home or go to work with the parent)
3. to escape aversive social situations (e.g., conversing or interacting with classmates, performing before others in class presentations, etc.)
4. to avoid school-based stimuli that creates anxiety, frustration, or despondency (e.g., interactions with educators and/or classmates, bus, cafeteria, classroom, transitions between classes, etc.)

Issues 1 and 2 above are maintained by positive reinforcement, or a desire to pursue rewards outside of school. Issues 3 and 4 above are maintained by negative reinforcement or a desire to leave anxiety-provoking stimuli. HFA students may also refuse school for a combination of these reasons. In the case of one young female with Asperger’s, she was initially anxious about school in general. But, after her parents allowed her to stay home for a few days, she was refusing school to enjoy playing video games.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

School-refusal Warning Signs—

While one student may complain of headaches or stomachaches, another may refuse to get out of bed, while a third repeatedly gets "sick" and calls home during the school day. Symptoms can run the gamut and may even include combinations of behaviors. Here are some typical warning signs that an HFA youngster is suffering from Separation Anxiety Disorder:

• Anxiety or panic attacks
• Depression
• Drug/alcohol use
• Failing grades
• Fatigue
• Frequent physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, etc.)
• Physical aggression or threats
• Risk-taking behavior
• Social problems

Many symptoms, particularly physical complaints, can mimic other disorders. When these occur in combination with a pattern of not attending school, a complete evaluation should be made by qualified professionals to determine whether the child has Separation Anxiety Disorder or another psychological or physical disorder.

Separation Anxiety Disorder can be exhausting and frustrating for moms and dads to deal with, but it is worse for the HFA youngster who feels such intense fear and discomfort about going to school. If parents are unable to get the youngster to school, he may develop serious educational, emotional, and social problems.

Because the anxiety is about separating from the parent (or attachment object), once the youngster gets to school, he usually calms down and can function. It's getting him there that is the real challenge.

School avoidance may serve different functions in different kids. For some, it may be the avoidance of specific fears or phobias triggered in the school setting (e.g., fear of school bathrooms due to contamination or other fears associated with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, fear of noisy and crowed hallways, fear of test-taking, etc.). For other kids, it may serve to help them avoid or escape negative social situations (e.g., being bullied by peers, being teased, having a critical teacher, etc.). 

 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

When school-refusal is anxiety-related, allowing the HFA youngster to stay home only worsens the symptoms over time. Getting her back into school as quickly as possible is one of the factors that is associated with more positive outcomes. However, this requires a multimodal approach that involves the student's physician, a mental health professional, the mom and/or dad, the student, and school officials. The same therapeutic modalities that are effective with Panic Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are also effective for school-refusal, namely, “exposure-response prevention” (i.e., a form of cognitive-behavior therapy that may include relaxation training, cognitive alterations, and a graded hierarchy of steps towards the goal).

There is some research that suggests that education support therapy may be as effective as exposure therapy for treating school-refusal. Working with the school psychologist, the student talks about his fears and is educated in the differences between fear, anxiety, and phobias. He learns to recognize the physical symptoms that are associated with each of these states and is given information to help him overcome his fears about attending school. 

 

The student is usually asked to keep a daily diary where he records his fears, thoughts, strategies, and feelings about going to school. The time of day that he arrived at school is also recorded, and the record is reviewed each morning with a school psychologist. Although it may seem like a good idea to incorporate positive reinforcement for school attendance, that may backfire and simply increase the student's stress levels and anxiety.

Parent training in strategies to work with the HFA youngster in the home is also an important piece of any school-based plan to deal with the student with school-refusal.

When it comes to school-refusal and school-refusal behavior, accommodating the HFA youngster by letting her stay home is generally contraindicated (unless there are other issues). So, what can moms and dads do to address this dilemma? Here are some tips:

1. Try to find ways to empower the HFA youngster to go to school. For example, a youngster is likely to feel reassured if times are set for him or her to call the mother from school. In extreme cases, mothers may stay with the youngster in school, but for a specified length of time (which is gradually reduced).

2. Punishment does not work. Kind, consistent, rational pressure and encouragement do.

3. Investigate what's going on at school. If it's bullying, parents need to find out who the perpetrator is. Once they know whether their youngster’s complaint is a valid one, it's easier to work with him around the issue, both in and outside of school.

4. It is most important to tell the HFA youngster exactly what she is to expect. There should be no "tricks" or surprises. For example, if the youngster is told that she should try to stay in school for only one hour, but after the hour, she is asked to stay longer either by the teacher or parent, this WILL backfire! The youngster will eventually refuse future arrangements for fear that they will be modified arbitrarily. Part of being anxious is anxiety about the unknown and the “what if?”

 

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder 

5. Prevent “secondary gain.” Some parents frequently – yet unintentionally – reinforce separation anxiety symptoms in their HFA child. For instance, when parents get a divorce and the youngster expresses refusal to leave the custodial parent (who may be distraught or saddened by the divorce), the youngster may not be firmly encouraged to appropriately separate and instead is rewarded either overtly or covertly for refusal to separate (e.g., when the youngster who refuses to attend school is excused by the parent). In this case, the parent does not clearly give the youngster the task of developing strategies to adapt to the divorce.

6. Do not quiz your child about why he feels scared. The youngster often does not know why. By not being able to provide an explanation, in addition to being anxious, he may feel guilty about not making sense of what is happening. It’s better to acknowledge that the fears are inflated (e.g., a child’s fear that the parent may die while he is at school) and that the youngster has to fight them.

7. Coordinate with school officials. Parents shouldn’t try to address this situation alone. Whether it's arranging to have someone meet you on the playground to escort your youngster into school, or trying to ease the amount of makeup work due to missed school days, it's critical that the school plays a role in integrating your youngster into the classroom.

8. Do not deny or minimize your youngster's anxiety or worries. Instead, acknowledge them and reassure her (e.g., "I know you're worried that I won't be there to pick you up, but there's no reason to worry. I'll be there.").

9. Set a baseline expectation. Having your youngster in school for any amount of time is better than having her at home. Even though your youngster may only come to school for a couple hours or sit in the library all day, it is much easier to get her back into the regular classroom from that point.

10. Be open to hearing about how your youngster feels. However, lengthy discussions about his problems are not always helpful and can be experienced as a burden by the youngster. The focus must always be that you want to help him be free of worries and fears.

11. Make it less inviting to stay home. If your youngster knows she can sit at home and watch TV during the school day, the incentive to stay home is greater than the incentive to be at school. Create a contract, set some boundaries, and make it more worth her while to go to school.

12. An HFA youngster's reluctance to go to school can be irritating to moms and dads. Expressing resentment and anger is counterproductive though. You won't feel the urge to do so if you adopt specific strategies to assist your youngster.

School-refusal can be viewed along a spectrum of absenteeism, and a child on the spectrum may exhibit all forms of absenteeism at one time or another (e.g., the child could be anxious during school on Monday, arrive late to school on Tuesday, skip afternoon classes on Wednesday, and fail to attend school completely on Thursday). When you have identified the issue, make a plan and stick to your guns. Once your youngster has overcome the fear of school, he or she will probably thank you.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

 

 

More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

 

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

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