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Showing posts sorted by relevance for query anger and violence. Sort by date Show all posts

Asperger’s and HFA Teens as Aggressors

"Any strategies for dealing with an angry 17 y.o. teenager (autistic - high functioning) who has been more and more aggressive towards us, the parents, and his siblings?"

Many children and teens with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are regularly victimized, and even more regularly misunderstood. Naturally, they and their parents feel that they are unjustly treated and inappropriately discriminated against. They are the victims of a society that puts a considerable premium on reciprocal social relationships.

Considering young people with AS and HFA as aggressors seems to fall-in with exactly the kind of stigma that has led to the injustice in the past. Nonetheless, aggression is a common problem, as many moms and dads will privately admit (in one survey, 40% of parents of autistic children reported “hitting other people” to be a problem).

Warning signs that an AS or HFA teen may become aggressive include:
  • Being cruel to pets
  • Fantasizing about acts of violence he would like to commit
  • Obsessively playing violent video games
  • Watching violent movies
  • Visiting websites that promote or glorify violence
  • Playing with weapons of any kind
  • Threatening or bullying others



Aggression in teens on the autism spectrum can develop for several reasons: 
  1. Membership card in a deviant group
  2. Special interest
  3. Defensive aggression
  4. Gaining ascendancy
  5. Outrage
  6. Retaliation
  7. Self-preservation
  8. Difficulties with emotional processing

Let’s look at each of these in turn…

1.  Membership Card—

Young people on the autism spectrum are often teased, bullied, and ostracized from their peer group. One option for someone who feels like an “outcast” is to ally himself with other marginalized or disruptive kids. By the time such a child becomes a teenager, his group membership may be in jeopardy, and he may have to behave more outrageously – and sometimes more aggressively – in order to fit-in. However, aggression is not usually the central method of staying in the group. This subgroup of teens may be engaged in other “normal” criminal and antisocial activities (e.g., alcohol and drug abuse, vandalism, theft of property, etc.). These are “typical” misdemeanors of adolescence, but are not usual misdemeanors in teens with AS or HFA. However, the autistic teen who carries out these apparent typical crimes, and who does so in a group, is often different from other group members. He will often be encouraged by the other members of the group to be the one who breaks the window or the one to drop the match. And, if property is stolen, the autistic teen will rarely know what to do with it or how to profit from it.

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

2.  Special Interests—

Some teens with AS and HFA become fascinated with powerful others. This may be expressed through an interest in worldwide wrestling or martial arts training. They may have a special interest in fire that can lead to arson. There is often a period of covert fire setting in the garden or in a local woods that precedes the incident that comes to public attention. AS and HFA teens who have such an interest enjoy looking at fires and feel satisfaction from setting a fire. They may use fire-setting to escape a situation (e.g., setting a fire in the classroom), or they may use fires to pay back others. An interest in fire may persist for many years. Special sexual interests also may be a problem for these “special needs” teens.

3.  Defensive Aggression—

Although there is no reason to suppose the families with an AS or HFA child are more troubled than those of anyone else, there is every reason to think they are as troubled. A teen or young adult on the spectrum who is brought up in a troubled family may have to fight back to defend himself, and this aggression may spill out into other situations. However, there is one kind of defensive aggression that occurs even in children with AS and HFA whose families of origin have been aggression-free. This is when aggression is intended to terminate an aversive stimulus (e.g., a high-pitched sound). There was a report of one man with AS who tried to strangle a little girl who was crying in a supermarket, because he could not bear the noise. There have been other reports of AS individuals who have become violent when hearing certain kinds of music. In addition, aggression may result if an AS or HFA teen's belongings are upset or if he is interrupted in an activity that is important to him. An example of this is a 12-year-old boy with AS who hit his sister with a baseball bat because she pulled the plug of the computer when he was immersed in a game. He broke his sister's arm, and still, some years later, thought that was justified.

4.  Gaining Ascendancy—

Some of the most serious acts of aggression are committed by AS and HFA teens who feel so isolated and so powerless that they feel they have nothing to lose. In these circumstances, an act of violence that makes others take notice can become the stuff of daydreams, and can then be translated into practice. This kind of aggression often has a detached quality, almost like an experiment. Indeed, the AS or HFA teen may sometimes say, “I wanted to see what would happen.” An example of this is a 16-year-old female with AS who lived with her father, his new wife and their newborn. This teen was left to look after the baby and wanted to see what would happen if she mixed ground glass into the baby's food, which she did.



==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens


5.  Outrage—

Entering the teenage years feeling lonely and powerless, struggling with learning difficulties, and having other people attribute both of these problems to personal shortcomings, are all unpleasant experiences. In this situation, two options often seem to present themselves:
  • Aggression is an easy route to outrage, although usually it is incidental to a wider strategy of disrupting a social situation. An AS or HFA child may just need to refuse to obey school rules, swear at the teacher, or knock down school furniture. As the child reaches adolescence, more serious acts may be necessary to produce outrage, and these can involve aggression.
  • Another option is to become the class joker who is prepared to do the craziest things to be a member of the gang or to become outrageous. Outrage has the advantage that other’s reactions to it are extreme, and therefore easier to read. It also provides a sense of power, at least if others are distressed by it.

6.  Retaliation—

Many young people with AS and HFA have strict codes of behavior that often include a dislike or even hatred of violence. However, even among them, aggression can be a problem when the teen or young adult becomes frustrated, feels unfairly treated, or feels excluded. The autistic teen can convince himself that aggression is justified in these circumstances. Aggression toward younger siblings may be a problem, as may aggression at school. But, the usual arena is at home.

This kind of aggression may be explosive, in which case there is often a sharp onset and a sharp offset. The teenager with AS or HFA may even be unaware of the impact of his aggression. As one parent stated, “He calmed down immediately, long before we could feel calm. He just seems to want to carry on as if nothing had happened. If we try to talk about the outburst, we can set him off again.” Outbursts of this kind may begin at an early age. Counter-violence makes matters worse, but it is a solution that often appeals to fathers. Withdrawal during the outburst, and then discussing how it felt to be on the receiving end of it, are often useful, but dealing with this level of aggression can be one of the most difficult aspects of living with a child on the autism spectrum.

7.  Self-preservation—

Young people with AS and HFA have a lively sense of self-preservation. They may therefore suppress an aggressive response to a bully or another aggressor, but turn the aggression on to a more vulnerable person later, who may have had nothing to do with the situation. The target of aggression is most likely to be the mother, or later in life, the spouse.

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

8.  Difficulties with Emotional Processing—

Emotional processing is difficult for teens on the spectrum. They can’t tell themselves to “just forget it” or “life's too short to worry so much.” They want answers – and they want justice. A teen who has a clinic appointment may start to worry about this for several days, and then may ask repeated questions about what will happen, the route to be taken, and so on. Outbursts may happen during this period of heightened stress. Incidents that have happened in the past (sometimes many years before) may linger in the mind of an older teen or young adult with AS or HFA, and may resurface at regular intervals. When they do, it is as if he is re-experiencing the episode over again, and he may become suddenly and unexpectedly aggressive.

Treatment—

The unexpectedness of the timing and of the target of aggression makes risk assessment particularly difficult. Treatment also can be difficult because the AS or HFA teen, lacking empathy for others' reactions to his violence, may continue to feel that violence is justified. When aggression is a symptom of irritability, treatment of an underlying mood disorder may be useful. In the rare cases in which aggression is a symptom, anticonvulsants may be useful. Many doctors use “mood stabilizing” drugs in the absence of a mood disorder. However, this is most often because it reassures the doctor and the parents that something is being done, rather than that the drug has a specific effect.

How Parents Can Help—

The challenge for moms and dads is to help their AS or HFA teen cope with emotions and deal with aggressive tendencies in a more constructive way. Here are just a few tips:
  • Try to uncover what’s behind the aggression. Is your teen anxious, sad or depressed? Does he have feelings of inadequacy because his peers don’t accept him?
  • Manage your own temper. You can’t help your “special needs” teen if you lose your temper too. As difficult as it sounds, remain calm and balanced no matter how much your teen provokes you. If you or other family members scream, hit each other, or throw things, your AS or HFA teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways to express himself.
  • Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve tension. Exercise or team sports can help relieve aggressive tendencies. Many “special needs” teens also use art or writing to creatively express their rage. Dancing or playing along to loud music can also provide relief.
  • Give your teen a place to retreat. When he is upset, allow him to retreat to a place where it’s safe to cool off. Don’t follow him and demand apologies or explanations while he is still raging. This will only prolong the anger, or even provoke aggression.
  • Establish rules and consequences. At a time when both you and your teenager are calm, explain that there’s nothing wrong with feeling anger, but there are unacceptable ways of expressing it. If he lashes out, he will have to face the consequences (e.g., loss of privileges, police involvement, etc.). AS and HFA teens need structure and consistent rules more than “typical” teens do.
  • Be aware of warning signs and triggers. Does your AS or HFA teen get headaches or start to pace before exploding? Does a certain teacher or class at school always trigger rage? When your teenager can identify the warning signs that his temper is starting to boil, it allows him to take steps to defuse the rage before it gets out of control.

Dealing with an aggressive AS or HFA teenager is not easy, and it can be hard to trace back the original causes of aggressive behavior. If parents are concerned about their teen’s aggression, they should seek advice from a professional. Oftentimes, teens on the autism spectrum who demonstrate aggression towards others simply need help developing social and communicating skills.

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Reducing Hostility in Children on the Autism Spectrum

"When dealing with my autistic child (high functioning), I'm so often kept busy 'reacting' to his bad behavior - and it's hard to find the time to be proactive. I need a reminder about the necessity of this...just wish the schools would get on board and actually 'teach' our special needs kids what they 'should' be doing! In any event, my question is: how can I deal with my son's anger and rage?"

Hostility for many kids and teens with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) stems from the difficulty they have in communicating their needs to their educators, moms and dads, and peers. Aggressive behaviors are one way they have for conveying their needs and emotions to others. As their communication skills grow, continued violence may be the result of never having learned appropriate, non-aggressive ways of communicating when they were faced with a difficult situation. 

The cause of hostility may be due to any or all of the following:
  • Being placed in a stressful situation
  • Exhaustion
  • Extreme frustration
  • Inadequate speech development
  • Lack of adult supervision
  • Lack of routine
  • Mirroring the aggressive behaviors of other kids around them
  • Over-stimulation
  • Self-defense



The first step in managing hostility and aggression in kids with Aspergers and HFA is to understand what is causing it. Understanding the antecedents of a behavior (i.e., what happened before the behavior) will allow parents and teachers to better anticipate the likelihood a behavior problem will occur.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 
Here are some questions that need to be answered:
  • How is the aggression expressed? Is it through words or behaviors? Does the child become verbally aggressive first, and then physically aggressive, or is the first response to strike out?
  • What seems to cause the aggressive behavior? Is it triggered by frustration, anger, or excitement? Are there patterns? Does the child act this way when toys are involved, and when he or she is frustrated about sharing? Or does the child become aggressive when there is too much going on and he or she is over-stimulated?
  • Where and when is the youngster most aggressive? A youngster on the autism spectrum may have difficulty coping with stress in unfamiliar or noisy locations, or when he is tired or overheated. Understanding where and when he becomes aggressive can provide important clues as to why the aggression is occurring.
  • Who does the youngster act aggressively towards? Is the target of her aggression one person in particular, or will she act aggressively to anyone who is around her? If it’s one person in particular, try to find out if there’s a reason why she’s attacking that person. Is there anything that the person does when he or she is around the youngster that causes the aggression to occur (e.g., overly-aggressive play, poor match of personalities, lack of clear-cut rules, loud voice, etc.)?

Collecting and analyzing data by getting answers to these questions is essential in developing a plan for coping with – and eliminating – aggressive behaviors in kids on the spectrum. Understanding the “function” of a particular behavior is the first step to (a) helping the youngster to be more aware of his angry feelings, (b) teaching him to calm himself down, and (c) finding alternative ways to solve his problems. Once parents and/or teachers have figured out why the youngster is behaving violently, it’s time to intervene.

Here are some concrete tips for dealing with hostility in children and teens with High-Functioning Autism:

1. At the first sign that a youngster is about to become hostile, immediately step-in and remove him from the situation. Be careful not to give too much attention to the youngster so that you do not give any negative reinforcement for the unwanted behavior. It can be useful to make a point of consoling the victim and ignoring the aggressor. If the youngster can’t calm down, remove him or her from the situation without getting angry yourself.

2. As grown-ups dealing with a hostile youngster, we need to demonstrate how to respond appropriately in stressful situations. Raising your voice tends to add stress to a difficult situation and will frequently result in an escalation of the behavior you are trying to stop.



3. Build the child’s language. If you can't get the HFA individual to be verbal, he should learn some sort of signs or picture system to give him some control over his life to communicate with people. That alone should help with a lot of behavioral issues. A variety of alternative communication devices, like the picture exchange communication system and other assistive technologies, enable an autistic youngster to express needs and desires.

4. Find out if the youngster has a comorbid condition influencing the aggressive behavior. A psychological or associated condition could be the root of the aggressive behavior. If that's the case, the youngster's behavior may need to be sorted out with a medical professional. In addition to seeking help from medical professionals, moms and dads should seek support from their own peers. It is important for parents of autistic children to get support from other parents of such children.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

5. Just because you have taught a youngster to cope with some stressful situations does not mean you should continuously place the youngster in situations you know causes him difficulties. This means knowing when to leave a potentially volatile situation or choosing to engage the youngster in a different activity to avoid angry confrontations. Also, if the aggressive behavior always happens during a certain activity, such as when it's time to go, then have the youngster bring a preferred item with him to make the transition easier. Look at the situation in which the behavior is occurring and see if there is a way to change the dynamic in a way that will be less stressful for the youngster.

6. Moms and dads should look at the reason why their youngster is being aggressive. Is it to get attention, or to get out of something he doesn't want to do, or to obtain something he wants? Look at the function of why he is expressing aggression in order to address the behavior. Also, remember that any sort of reaction you give to the youngster could also be making the situation worse.

7. There are a number of anger-control practices you can work on before, during and after hostile episodes. It can be useful to: (a) count to ten to provide the youngster time to calm down; (b) recognize the emotions behind the anger (e.g., “I know you’re angry, but we don’t kick”); (c) encourage the youngster to use his words by making statements like “I am really mad right now!”; and (d) teach the youngster how to do deep breathing in order to calm down.

8. There is no “one-size-fits-all” treatment to address aggression in kids with an autism spectrum disorder . Treatments should be carefully developed and based on each particular youngster's unique situation. Treatment should be implemented by a qualified professional. Many times, aggression can be worsened by a well-intentioned, but inexperienced therapist.

9. When you catch your youngster being good, be sure to praise her hard work and efforts. Look for and continue to praise good behavior as a way to motivate her to do better next time.

10. While it is easy to think that a 5-year-old will outgrow aggression – or there is time to deal with it later – moms and dads need to imagine their youngster as a 15-year-old engaging in the same type of behavior. When you are at this point, there will be a lot fewer options, and if your youngster were to hurt somebody, even fewer options will be available.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


Tips for therapists who deal with hostility in children and teens with High-Functioning Autism:

Addressing hostile behaviors in kids and teens with High-Functioning Autism can be a frustrating and demanding process for therapists. The challenge is to teach parents to “respond” to the unwanted behavior in a systematic manner (i.e., using approaches specifically tailored to children and teens on the spectrum) instead of “reacting” to it.

When these kids exhibit aggressive behaviors, they may not be receiving adequate support in mastering their environments (e.g., home, school). Aggressiveness does not necessarily reflect willfulness. Often the youngster simply lacks the social skills needed to get his or her needs met in a non-aggressive manner.

HFA children with earlier ages of onset of aggressiveness are more likely to meet diagnostic criteria for ADHD during childhood than children with later ages of onset of aggressiveness. Anxiety disorders have also been found to co-occur with aggressiveness at ‘higher than chance rates’ in childhood and adolescence.

Aggressive children need help in altering the way they process social information so that they do not interpret violence as justified or useful. The development of “voice” is an important component so that the child’s emotions can be put into words leading to social skill development, identifying feelings, fostering cooperation, emphasis on empathy, conflict resolution, and assertive communication. If an autistic youngster or teenager is not behaving in a positive manner, it is irrational to assume that they know more favorable alternatives.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Cognitive problem solving is useful in addressing aggression in kids on the spectrum. This method focuses on each youngster’s unique outlook to discover possible social skill deficits resulting in violence. 

The steps in cognitive problem solving are:
  1. encoding
  2. interpretation
  3. goal formulation
  4. response search and formulation
  5. response decision
  6. enactment

Each step requires different approaches to discovering and linking the missing skills in social situations. Developmental deficits in cognitive processes are often associated with early aggression, and normal social development requires mastery of cognitive and behavioral skills for assessing social circumstances, communicating with others, and resolving conflicts without aggressive behaviors. These skills empower HFA kids to make friends, succeed academically, and excel in the social world.

1. Encoding: Attending to social cues that are often missed or misinterpreted by aggressive kids.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Kids make videos of their own cues and then explain their feelings on the basis of cues demonstrated in the video including facial expressions, voice intonation, hand gestures, and other indicators of social intent
  • Help kids identify their own feeling states through self-report and observation
  • Enhance sensitivity to verbal and nonverbal social cues through games and role-play, teaching kids to identify social cues in body language and pitch of voice

2. Interpretation: Assign meaning to social cues.

HFA kids commonly interpret neutral interactions as threatening – and then respond aggressively. These young people are not born knowing socially acceptable behaviors, and the level of their required assistance depends on the social supports they receive and their ability to absorb information.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • With the help of videos of playground activities, kids should be taught to identify the sources of the problems with emphasis on correctly identifying friendly, as well as antagonistic, intent on the part of peers
  • Kids should learn to identify and classify social cues by friendly, neutral, and antagonistic categories of intent. Younger kids might practice this through puppet play, and older kids might practice by assuming the roles of other kids in disputes



3. Goal Formulation: Define goals that enhance social relationships with an awareness of the consequences of behavior.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Kids are rewarded for having ideas about goals for various situations (goals might be rated as to whether they are likely to augment or harm interpersonal relationships with peers)
  • Kids should be given opportunities to practice identifying and attaching pro-social goals to various situations

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook


4. Response Search and Formulation: Kids develop ideas about how to respond to each social circumstance they encounter.

Compared to neurotypical kids, HFA kids identify fewer alternatives and seem unaware of the various options that may be open to them when invited to participate in play or when confronted by a social problem. Remind parents that constantly telling kids on the spectrum what they are doing wrong is not beneficial, nor is it likely to improve future performance. Instead, these kids need help identifying their options and possible outcomes.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Develop skills to control kid’s arousal and to create behavioral patterns in which aggression is only one of many responses
  • Increase a youngster’s skill in identifying alternatives to the use of aggression to solve social problems

5. Response Decision: Assess likely outcomes of aggressive behavior and select a response that can be characterized as assertive rather than violent.


Compared to neurotypical children, HFA kids tend to view pro-social responses less favorably. Thus, these young people are not behaving a certain way to annoy or harm others; rather, they are simply making decisions based on their limited of social skills.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Evaluate the potential negative outcomes of each alternative
  • Evaluate the potential benefits of each alternative
  • Kids should be given opportunities to discuss likely gains and losses associated with each identified alternative in specific situations

6. Enactment: Apply a response.

This is where an aggressive youngster joins a group, offers and receives positive feedback, and learns to negotiate. Practicing these skills can be intimidating and challenging. Any attempts – successful or not – should be rewarded and reviewed to identify areas of strength, as well as areas for improvement.

Aspergers Syndrome and Oppositional Defiant Disorder [ODD] Combination

Even the best-behaved Aspergers children can be difficult and challenging at times. Aspergers adolescents are often moody and argumentative. But if your Aspergers child or adolescent has a persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward you and other authority figures, he or she may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). As many as one in 10 Aspergers children may have ODD in a lifetime.

Treatment of ODD involves therapy and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions. As a parent, you don't have to go it alone in trying to manage an Aspergers child with ODD. Doctors, counselors and child development experts can help you learn specific strategies to address ODD.

Symptoms—

It may be tough at times to recognize the difference between a strong-willed or emotional child and one with ODD. Certainly there's a range between the normal independence-seeking behavior of Aspergers kids and ODD. It's normal to exhibit oppositional behaviors at certain stages of a youngster's development.

However, your Aspergers child's issue may be ODD if your youngster's oppositional behaviors:
  • Are clearly disruptive to the family and home or school environment
  • Are persistent
  • Have lasted at least six months


The following are behaviors associated with ODD:
  • Defiance
  • Disobedience
  • Hostility directed toward authority figures
  • Negativity


These behaviors might cause your Aspergers child to regularly and consistently show these symptoms:
  • Academic problems
  • Acting touchy and easily annoyed
  • Aggressiveness toward peers
  • Anger and resentment
  • Argumentativeness with adults
  • Blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior
  • Deliberate annoyance of other people
  • Difficulty maintaining friendships
  • Frequent temper tantrums
  • Refusal to comply with adult requests or rules
  • Spiteful or vindictive behavior


Related mental health issues—

ODD often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety or depression. The symptoms of ODD may be difficult to distinguish from those of other behavioral or mental health problems.

It's important to diagnose and treat any co-occurring illnesses because they can create or worsen irritability and defiance if left untreated. Additionally, it's important to identify and treat any related substance abuse and dependence. Substance abuse and dependence in Aspergers kids or adolescents is often associated with irritability and changes in the Aspergers child or adolescent's usual personality.

Causes—

There's no clear cause underpinning ODD. Contributing causes may include:
  • A biochemical or neurological factor
  • A genetic component that when coupled with certain environmental conditions — such as lack of supervision, poor quality child care or family instability — increases the risk of ODD
  • The Aspergers child's inherent temperament
  • The Aspergers child's perception that he or she isn't getting enough of the parent's time and attention
  • The family's response to the youngster's style


Risk factors—

A number of factors play a role in the development of ODD. ODD is a complex problem involving a variety of influences, circumstances and genetic components. No single factor causes ODD. Possible risk factors include:
  • Being abused or neglected
  • Exposure to violence
  • Family instability such as occurs with divorce, multiple moves, or changing schools or child care providers frequently
  • Financial problems in the family
  • Harsh or inconsistent discipline
  • Having a parent with a mood or substance abuse disorder
  • Lack of supervision
  • Moms and dads with a history of ADHD, ODD or conduct problems
  • Poor relationship with one or both moms and dads
  • Substance abuse in the Aspergers child or adolescent


When to seek medical advice—

If you're concerned about your Aspergers child's behavior or your own ability to parent a challenging youngster, seek help from your doctor, a child psychologist or child behavioral expert. Your primary care doctor or your youngster's pediatrician can refer you to someone.

The earlier this disorder can be managed, the better the chances of reversing its effects on your Aspergers child and your family. Treatment can help restore your youngster's self-esteem and rebuild a positive relationship between you and your Aspergers child.

Tests and diagnosis—

Behavioral and mental health conditions are difficult to diagnose definitively. There's no blood test or imaging technique that can pinpoint an exact cause of behavioral symptoms, though these tests are sometimes used to rule out certain conditions. Physicians and other health professionals rely on:
  • Information gained from interviewing the Aspergers child
  • Information gathered from moms and dads and teachers, who may fill out questionnaires
  • Their clinical judgment and experience


Normal child and adolescent behavior and development can be challenging in their own right, but ODD is distinct due to the frequent and significant disruptions that are caused in the youngster's life at home, school, or in a job where authority figures have clear limits and expectations for behavior.

It can be difficult for doctors to sort and exclude other associated disorders — for example, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder versus ODD. These two disorders are commonly diagnosed together.

Complications—

Many Aspergers kids with ODD have other treatable conditions, such as:
  • Anxiety
  • Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
  • Depression


If these conditions are left untreated, managing ODD can be very difficult for the moms and dads, and frustrating for the affected Aspergers child. Kids with ODD may have trouble in school with teachers and other authority figures and may struggle to make and keep friends.

ODD may be a precursor to other, more severe behavioral disorders such as conduct disorder, but this is controversial.

Treatments and drugs—

Ideally, treatment for ODD involves your primary care doctor and a qualified mental health professional or child development professional. It may also help to seek the services of a psychologist specializing in family therapy.

These health professionals can screen for and treat other mental health problems that may be interfering with ODD, such as ADHD, anxiety or depression. Successful treatment of the often-coexisting conditions will improve the effectiveness of treatment for ODD. In some cases, the symptoms of ODD disappear entirely.

Successful treatment of ODD requires commitment and follow-through by you as a parent and by others involved in your youngster's care. Most important in treatment is for you to show consistent, unconditional love and acceptance of your Aspergers child — even during difficult and disruptive situations. Doing so can be tough for even the most patient moms and dads.

Learning or improving parental skills—

A mental health professional can help you learn or strengthen specific skills and parenting techniques to help improve your Aspergers child's behavior and strengthen your relationship with him or her. For example, you can learn how to:
  • Avoid power struggles
  • Establish a schedule for the family that includes specific meals that will be eaten at home together, and specific activities one or both moms and dads will do with the Aspergers child
  • Give effective timeouts
  • Limit consequences to those that can be consistently reinforced and if possible, last for a limited amount of time
  • Offer acceptable choices to your Aspergers child, giving him or her a certain amount of control
  • Recognize and praise your Aspergers child's good behaviors and positive characteristics
  • Remain calm and unemotional in the face of opposition


Success requires perseverance, hard work—

Although some parent management techniques may seem like common sense, learning to use them in the face of opposition isn't easy, especially if there are other stressors at home. Learning these skills may require counseling, parenting classes or other forms of education, and consistent practice and patience.

At first, your Aspergers child is not likely to be cooperative or to appreciate your changed response to his or her behavior. Expect that you'll have setbacks and relapses, and be prepared with a plan to manage those times. In fact, behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. However, with perseverance and consistency, the initial hard work often pays off with improved behavior and relationships.

Individual and family counseling—

Individual counseling for your Aspergers child may help him or her learn to manage anger. Family counseling may help improve communication and relationships and help family members learn how to work together.

Lifestyle and home remedies—

At home, you can begin chipping away at problem behaviors by practicing the following:
  • Assign your Aspergers child a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless the youngster does it. Initially, it's important to set your youngster up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve and gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
  • Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves moms and dads and youngster being together.
  • Model the behavior you want your Aspergers child to have.
  • Pick your battles. Avoid power struggles.
  • Recognize and praise your Aspergers child's positive behaviors.
  • Set limits and enforce consistent reasonable consequences.
  • Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your Aspergers child.
  • Work with your spouse or others in your household to assure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.


Coping and support—

For yourself, counseling can provide an outlet for your own mental health concerns that could interfere with the successful treatment of your Aspergers child's symptoms. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your Aspergers child — and that can trigger or worsen oppositional behaviors. Here are some tips:
  • Be forgiving. Let go of things that you or your Aspergers child did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate.
  • Learn ways to calm yourself. Keeping your own cool models the behavior you want from your Aspergers child.
  • Take time for yourself. Develop outside interests, get some exercise and spend some time away from your Aspergers child to restore your energy.


Behavioral Interventions for Aspergers Clients

The diagnostic criteria for Aspergers as outlined in DSM IV TR [1] includes in “criterion A” a description of some of the qualitative impairments in social interaction. The list of characteristics includes:

• Failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
• Lack of social or emotional reciprocity
• Marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors, such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

Clinical experience and autobiographies confirm that such people have considerable difficulty with the understanding and expression of nonverbal behaviors and social reciprocity. Regarding peer relationships, when we observe and assess the social play and friendship skills of kids with Aspergers, we recognize a delay in the conceptualization of friendship. The youngster may have an overall intellectual ability within the normal range, but their understanding of friendship skills resembles a much younger youngster. It is not simply a matter of developmental delay, however. There are aspects that are conspicuously unusual for any of the developmental stages [2]. At present, we can only speculate what the consequences may be for a youngster who fails to develop peer relationships that are appropriate for their developmental level, but inevitably there will be lasting effects in several aspects of cognitive, social, and emotional development. When playing in a group, kids learn the value of alternative perspectives and solutions in problem solving. They acquire increasingly sophisticated and successful strategies to resolve conflict and the interpersonal and team skills valued by employers.

Many of the characteristics valued in a close friend become the attributes associated with lasting personal relationships. Clinical experience also suggests that the social isolation of kids with Aspergers in the school playground can increase the youngster's vulnerability to being teased and bullied and a lack of close friends also can be a contributory factor in the development of childhood depression. A delay in social knowledge also can lead to anxiety in social situations that may develop into social phobia, school refusal, and agoraphobia. Thus, we achieve cognitive and affective growth within our circle of friends. It is inevitable that impaired peer relationship skills can result in significant psychopathology.

The DSM IV description of Aspergers includes reference to an association between Aspergers and several secondary mental disorders, including depressive and anxiety disorders. The presence of a secondary mood disorder unavoidably adds to the already considerable difficulty coping with everyday life for people with Aspergers. We are, however, only just beginning to develop effective remedial programs to improve peer relationships, emotional reciprocity, nonverbal communication, and mood [3]. This article examines two frameworks for behavioral interventions, namely the developmental stages in friendship skills, with remedial strategies for each stage, and modifications to Cognitive Behavior Therapy, to accommodate the unusual profile of cognitive skills of people with Aspergers.

The developmental stages in the concept of friendship –

Before considering programs to improve the general understanding of the concept of friendship and specific friendship skills, it is important to determine the youngster's stage of friendship development [4], [5]. Unfortunately, there are no standardized tests to measure friendship skills as there are for language skills, motor development, and cognitive abilities. Assessments can be made by analysis of the individual's answers to specific questions, however, and observation of their interactions with peers. The questions can include:

• How do you make friends?
• What do friends do?
• What makes a good friend?
• What makes you a good friend?
• Who are your friends at school?
• Why do we have friends?
• Why is (name) your friend?

Before the age of 3 years, kids interact with members of their family, but their concept of peers is often one of rivalry for possessions rather than friendship. If another youngster comes to their house, they may hide their favorite toys or become agitated if they have to take turns and share. There may be some parallel play, imitation, and intellectual curiosity in observing and copying what other kids are doing, as it may be fun and may impress a parent, but the youngster does not have the interpersonal insights and skills we associate with the reciprocal elements of being a friend. The first indicators of friendship occur at approximately the age of 3 years.

Stage 1: 3–6 years –

From the ages of 3 to 6 years there is a functional and egocentric conceptualization of friendship. When asked why a particular youngster is their friend, a youngster's reply usually is based on proximity (lives next door, sits at same table) or possessions (they have toys that the youngster admires or wants to use). Toys and play activities are the focus of friendship and the youngster gradually moves from engaging primarily in parallel play to recognizing that some games and activities cannot happen unless there is an element of sharing and turn taking. Cooperation skills are limited, however; the main characteristic of this age group is one-way and egocentric (he helps me or she likes me). Conflict is typified by demands, ultimatums, and physical force.

If a youngster from 3–4 years is asked what they did today, they tend to describe what they played with, whereas after the age of approximately 4 years they start to include who they played with. Social play gradually becomes more than just the construction and completion of the activity. Friendships are transitory, however, and the youngster has their own agenda of what to do and how to do it.

Remedial programs for stage 1 –

If one uses behavioral or learning theory terms, kids with Aspergers need to identify the relevant stimuli or cues and appropriate responses [6]. For example, in stage one, kids learn the cues to join a group of kids without causing disruption or annoyance. An activity can be to brainstorm with the youngster the entry cues, such as someone giving a welcoming gesture or facial expression, a pause in the activity or conversation, or an appropriate act such as returning the ball. These ‘acts’ of the social ‘play’ can be ‘rehearsed’ by identifying a few kids who are keen to help the friendship skills of the youngster with Aspergers. They can be informed that he or she is learning the cues and rules for joining in their play.

The youngster with Aspergers will be trying to join in (under the guidance of an adult) and to recognize the relevant cue. When this occurs they can help the youngster with Aspergers identify the cue and intellectually process the response by momentarily freezing their actions, thereby isolating the cue. This gives the youngster time to identify the cue (which can be pointed out by the adult) and to decide what to say or do in response, perhaps with a prompt and encouragement from the adult. Their response and the entry are then successfully completed. The procedure of identifying the cues in contrived settings and practicing appropriate responses (rehearsal) can be used for many friendship skills. The adult acts as a mentor or stage director, giving guidance and encouragement. It is important that the attitude from adults is one of discovery and guidance so that the youngster with Aspergers does not perceive the activity as being critical of their ability and a public recognition of their social errors.

Young kids with Aspergers may demonstrate more mature interaction skills with adults than with their peers. It is important that adults, especially moms and dads, observe the natural play of the youngster's peers, noting the games, equipment, rules, and language. They can then practice the same play with the youngster but with an adult ‘acting’ as their peer. This includes using what the author describes as ‘youngster speak,’ namely the speech of kids rather than adults. It is important that the adult role-plays examples of being a good friend, and also situations that illustrate unfriendly acts, such as disagreements and teasing. Appropriate and inappropriate responses can be enacted to provide the youngster with a range of responses.

Moms and dads can borrow or buy duplicate equipment that is used at school or is popular with their peers. Once the youngster has rehearsed with an adult who can easily modify the pace of play and amount of instruction, they can have a ‘dress rehearsal’ with another youngster, perhaps an older sibling or mature youngster in their class who can act as a friend to provide further practice before the skills are used openly with their peer group. Another strategy to learn the relevant cues, thoughts, and behavioral script is to write Social Stories that can be used by the youngster to improve their social understanding and abilities [7].

Stage 2: 6–9 years—

At this stage the youngster starts to recognize that they need a friend to play certain games and that that friend must like those games. They become more aware of the thoughts and feelings of their peers and how their actions and comments can hurt, physically and emotionally. The youngster is prepared to sometimes inhibit their intentions and to accept and incorporate the influences, preferences, and goals of their friends in their play. There is less of a dominant/submissive quality, and helping, especially mutual help, is one of the indices of friendship at this stage. A friend may be chosen because of similar interests, and aspects of their friend's character are recognized (he's fun to be with); yet when asked who is their friend, they may nominate someone who is known to be popular rather than a mutually recognized friendship.

The concept of reciprocity (she comes to my party and I go to hers) and the genuine sharing of resources and being fair become increasingly important. When managing conflict, the youngster's view is that the offender must retract the action and a satisfactory resolution is perhaps described as “an eye for an eye.” The concept of responsibility and justice is based on who started the conflict, not what was subsequently done or how it ended. At approximately 8 years of age, the youngster develops the concept of a best friend as not only their first choice for social play, but also as someone who helps in practical terms (he knows how to fix the computer) and in times of emotional stress (she cheers me up when I'm feeling sad).

Remedial programs for stage 2—

In stage 2, kids develop greater cooperation skills when playing with their peers and develop more constructive means of dealing with conflict. It is important that the youngster with Aspergers experiences more cooperative than competitive games. In competitive games there are winners and losers and strict rules. The youngster with Aspergers can require considerable tuition using Social Stories to understand the concepts of being fair and gracious in defeat. Clearly the youngster's recognition of the relevant cues and responses for cooperative play are acknowledged and encouraged.

Specific aspects of cooperative play that need to be recognized, however, are identifying and contributing to the common goal, accepting suggestions rather than being autocratic or indifferent, and giving guidance and encouragement. The youngster acknowledges that when functioning as a cooperative and cohesive group, some activities and goals are easier and quicker to achieve. Role play games can be used to illustrate appropriate and inappropriate actions with some time taken to explain why, in a logical and empathic sense, certain actions are considered friendly or not friendly. The unfriendly actions that are particularly relevant for kids with Aspergers are interruptions, failure to recognize personal body space, inappropriate touch, and coping with mistakes.

During stage 2, there is an increase in social cognition that enables the youngster to benefit from published training programs designed to improve Theory of Mind skills [8]. Programs on Theory of Mind skills also can help the youngster distinguish between accidental and intentional acts. The youngster may consider only the act from their perspective and not consider the cues that would indicate it was not deliberate. Educational programs on emotions also can help the youngster identify the cues that indicate the emotional state of their friend and themselves. The intention is to develop their empathy skills so that they can be recognized as a caring friend.

Finally in stage 2, the author has noted that there can be different coping mechanisms used by females with Aspergers in comparison with males. Females with Aspergers are more likely to be interested observers of the social play of other females and to imitate their play at home using dolls, imaginary friends, and by adopting the persona of a socially able female. This solitary practice of the social play of their peers can be a valuable opportunity to analyze and rehearse friendship skills. Some females with Aspergers can develop a special interest in reading fiction that may be age-appropriate or classic literature. This also provides an insight into thoughts, emotions, and social relationships. It is also noticeable that other females can be more maternal than males and can facilitate the inclusion of a female with Aspergers within an established group of friends. Their social difficulties can be accommodated and guided by peers who value the role of mother or educator. The female with Aspergers also may be popular because she is honest and consistent and less likely to be spiteful.

Stage 3: 9–13 years—

In the third stage, a friend is not simply someone who helps; they are chosen because of special attributes in their abilities and personalities. A friend is someone who genuinely cares and has complimentary attitudes, ideas, and values. There is a strong need to be liked by their peers and a mutual sharing of experiences and thoughts. With such self-disclosure, there is the recognition of being trustworthy and seeking advice not only for practical problems but also for interpersonal issues. There is a need for companionship and greater selectivity and durability in the friendship alliances. At this stage, there is a distinct gender split and peer pressure becomes increasingly important. Peer group acceptance and values become more important than the opinion of moms and dads. Friends also support each other in terms of managing emotions. If the youngster is sad, close friends will cheer them up, or if angry, calm them down to prevent the individual from getting into trouble.

When conflicts occur, friends will use more effective repair mechanisms. They can be less “heated,” with reduced confrontation and more disengagement, admitting making a mistake and recognizing it is not simply a matter of winner and loser. A satisfactory resolution can actually strengthen the relationship. The friend is forgiven and the conflict is put in perspective. These qualities of interpersonal skills that are played out in friendships are the foundation of interpersonal skills for adult relationships.

Remedial programs for stage 3—

In stage 3, there is usually a clear gender preference in the choice of friends. The activities and interests of males, who may be playing team games or sports, may be considered of little value to the male with Aspergers. They also are likely to be less able than their peers in team games and ball skills that may lead to teasing and bullying by males who can be notoriously intolerant of someone who is different. When the male with Aspergers approaches females, they can be more readily included in their activities, and females can be more patient, maternal, and supportive. One of the consequences of being more welcomed by females than by males and spending more time playing with females than males is that the male with Aspergers can imitate the prosody and body language of their female friends. This can result in further isolation and torment from male peers. The youngster needs a balance of same and opposite gender friends, and some social engineering could be necessary to ensure acceptance by both groups.

During stage 3 there is a strong desire for companionship rather than functional play, and the youngster with Aspergers can feel lonely and sad if their attempts at friendship are unsuccessful [9], [10]. They need tuition and guidance, but this may be achieved by discussion with supportive peers and adults. Individual kids who have a natural rapport with a youngster with Aspergers can be guided and encouraged to be a mentor in the classroom, playground, and in social situations. Their advice may be accepted as having greater value than that of moms and dads or a teacher. It is also important to encourage their friends or peers to help them regulate their mood, stepping in and helping the individual calm down if they are becoming agitated or tormented. Friends may need to provide reassurance if the individual is anxious and to cheer them up when sad. The youngster with Aspergers also needs advice and encouragement to be reciprocal with regard to emotional support, and must be taught how to recognize the signs of distress or agitation in their friend and how to respond.

At this stage, the existing remedial programs use strategies to develop teamwork rather than friendship skills. To be attending a program on teamwork skills for sports or employment may be considered more acceptable to the young teenager with Aspergers, who may be sensitive to any suggestion that they need remedial programs to have friends. Another strategy to help the adolescent who is sensitive to being publicly identified as having few friends is to adapt speech and drama classes.

Liane Holliday-Wiley, in her book “Pretending To Be Normal”, describes how she improved her social skills by observation, imitation, and acting [11]. This is an appropriate and effective strategy, especially in stage 3. The individual with Aspergers can learn and practice conversational scripts, self-disclosure, body language, facial expression, and tone of voice for particular situations, and role-play people they know who are socially successful. The adolescent or adult with Aspergers sometimes uses this strategy naturally; however, it is important to ensure that they choose good role models to portray.

Stage 4: 13 years to adult –

In the previous stage there can be a small core of close friends, but in stage 4 the breadth and depth of friendship increases. There can be different friends for different needs, such as comfort, humor, or practical advice. A friend is defined as someone who “accepts me for who I am” or “we think the same way about things.” A friend provides a sense of personal identity and is compatible with one's own personality. An important aspect of the quality of friendship is the ability to accept the self before being able to relate to others at an adult level; otherwise friendships can be manipulated as a means of resolving personal issues. There are less concrete and more abstract definitions of friendship with what may be described as autonomous interdependence. The friendships are less possessive and exclusive and conflict resolved with self-reflection, compromise, and negotiation.

Remedial programs for stage 4—

Because of the developmental delay in the conceptualization of friendship, when the individual with Aspergers reaches stage 4, they have usually left high school and seek friends through work and recreational pursuits. Attempts to change a relationship from colleague or work mate to friend can present some challenges to the young adult with Aspergers. A mentor at work who understands their unusual profile of friendship skills can provide guidance and act as a confidante and advocate. The mentor also can help determine the degree of genuine interest in friendships from the colleague. Sometimes people with Aspergers assume that a friendly act, smile, or gesture has greater implications than was intended. There can be a tendency to develop an intense interest or infatuation with a particular individual. This topic may dominate their time and conversation and can lead to behavior such as stalking.

Conversely, the individual with Aspergers can be desperate to have a friend and may become the recipient of financial, physical, or sexual abuse, through failing to recognize that the other individual's intentions are not honorable. The two-way misinterpretation of signals and intentions can lead to mutual confusion. Relationship counseling can be suggested, but at present counselors often have limited knowledge and experience regarding Aspergers [12]. An interesting development in recent years is older and more mature adults with Aspergers providing guidance and counseling through group counseling sessions organized by adult support groups. These groups are often formed by concerned moms and dads and people with Aspergers who want to meet like-minded people. They meet on a regular basis to discuss topics that range from employment issues to personal relationships.

The Internet has become the modern equivalent of the dance hall in terms of an opportunity for young people to meet. The great advantage of this form of communication to the individual with Aspergers is that they often have a greater eloquence to disclose and express their inner self and feelings through typing rather than conversation. In social gatherings, the individual is expected to be able to listen to and process the other individual's speech (often against a background of other conversations), to immediately reply, and simultaneously analyze nonverbal cues, such as gestures, facial expression, and tone of voice. When using the computer, the individual can concentrate on social exchange using a visual rather than auditory medium.

As in any other situation, the individual with Aspergers may be vulnerable to others taking advantage of their social naivety and desire to have a friend. The individual with Aspergers needs to be taught caution and to not provide personal information until they have discussed the Internet friendship with someone they trust. Genuine and long-lasting friendships can develop over the Internet based on shared experiences, interests, and mutual support. It is an opportunity to meet like-minded people who accept the individual because of their knowledge rather than their social persona. The individual with Aspergers is somewhat egocentric and eccentric but can prove an honest, loyal, and knowledgeable friend.

Mood disorders –

When one considers the diagnostic criteria for Aspergers and the effects of the disorder on the individual's adaptive functioning in a social context, one would expect such people to be vulnerable to the development of secondary mood disorders. The current research indicates that approximately 65% of adolescent patients with Aspergers have an affective disorder that includes anxiety disorders [13], [14], [15], [16], [17], [18] and depression [16]. There is also evidence to suggest an association with delusional disorders [19], paranoia [20], and conduct disorders [21]. We know that comorbid affective disorders in adolescents with Aspergers are the rule rather than the exception, but why should this population be more prone to affective disorders?

Research has been conducted on the family histories of kids with autism and Aspergers and has identified a higher than expected incidence of mood disorders [22], [23], [24], [25]. People with Aspergers could be vulnerable to a genetic predisposition to mood disorders. When one also considers their difficulties with regard to social reasoning, empathy, verbal communication, profile of cognitive skills, and sensory perception, however, they are clearly prone to considerable stress as a result of their attempts at social inclusion. Chronic levels of stress can precipitate a mood disorder. Thus, there may be constitutional and circumstantial factors that explain the higher incidence of affective disorders.

The theoretic models of autism developed within cognitive psychology and research in neuropsychology also provide some explanation as to why such people are prone to secondary mood disorders. The extensive research on Theory of Mind skills confirms that people with Aspergers have considerable difficulty identifying and conceptualizing the thoughts and feelings of other people and themselves [26], [27], [28], [29], [30]. The interpersonal and inner world of emotions seems to be uncharted territory for people with Aspergers.

Research on executive function in subjects with Aspergers suggests characteristics of being disinhibited and impulsive, with a relative lack of insight that affects general functioning [31], [32], [33], [34]. Impaired executive function also can affect the cognitive control of emotions. Clinical experience indicates there is a tendency to react to emotional cues without cognitive reflection. Research with subjects with autism using new neuroimaging technology also has identified structural and functional abnormalities of the amygdala [35], [36], [37], [38], which is known to regulate a range of emotions, including anger, fear, and sadness. Thus, we also have neuroanatomic evidence that suggests there will be problems with the perception and regulation of the emotions.

Managing anxiety, depression, and anger –

When clinicians diagnose a secondary mood disorder, they need to know how to modify standard psychologic treatments to accommodate the unusual cognitive profile of people with Aspergers. As the primary psychologic treatment for mood disorders is cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), this article now examines such modifications based on our knowledge of the disorder and preliminary clinical experience.

CBT has been designed and refined over several decades and has proven to be effective in changing the way an individual thinks about and responds to feelings such as anxiety, sadness, and anger [39], [40]. CBT focuses on aspects of cognitive deficiency in terms of the maturity, complexity, and efficacy of thinking, and cognitive distortion in terms of dysfunctional thinking and incorrect assumptions. Thus, it has direct applicability to patients with Aspergers who are known to have deficits and distortions in thinking.

The therapy has several components, the first being an assessment of the nature and degree of mood disorder using self-report scales and a clinical interview. The subsequent stage is affective education with discussion and exercises on the connection between cognition, affect, and behavior, and the way in which people conceptualize emotions and construe various situations. Subsequent stages are cognitive restructuring, stress management, self-reflection, and a schedule of activities to practice new cognitive skills. Cognitive restructuring corrects distorted conceptualizations and dysfunctional beliefs. The individual is encouraged to establish and examine the evidence for or against their thoughts and build a new perception of specific events. Stress management and cue controlled relaxation programs are used to promote responses incompatible with anxiety or anger. Self-reflection activities help the individual recognize their internal state, monitor and reflect on their thoughts, and construct a new self-image. A graded schedule of activities is also developed to allow the individual to practice new abilities that are monitored by the therapist.

Assessment –

There are several self-rating scales that have been designed for kids and adults with specific mood disorders that can be administered to patients with Aspergers. There are specific modifications that can be used with this clinical group, however, as they may be more able to accurately quantify their response using a numeric or pictorial representation of the gradation in experience and expression of mood. Examples include an emotion “thermometer,” bar graphs, or a “volume” scale. These analogue measures are used to establish a baseline assessment and are incorporated in the affective education component. To minimize word retrieval problems, multiple-choice questions can be used in preference to open-ended, sentence-completion tasks. A pictorial dictionary of feelings also can be used as additional cues for a diary or logbook completed during the therapy by the patient.

The assessment includes the construction of a list of behavioral indicators of mood changes. The indicators can include changes in the characteristics associated with Aspergers, such as an increase in time spent engaged in solitude or their special interest, rigidity, or incoherence in their thought processes, or behavior intended to impose control in their daily lives and over others. This is in addition to conventional indicators such as a panic attack, comments indicating low self worth, and episodes of anger. It is essential to collect information from a wide variety of sources, as kids and adults with Aspergers can display quite different characteristics according to their circumstances. For example, there may be little evidence of a mood disorder at school but clear evidence at home. Moms and dads and educators also can complete a daily mood diary to determine whether there is any cyclical nature to, or specific triggers for, mood changes.

The clinician also needs to assess the coping mechanisms and vocabulary of emotional expression of the individual with Aspergers. Although there are no standardized tests to measure such abilities, some characteristics have been identified by clinical experience. For example, discussion with moms and dads can indicate that the youngster displays affection, but the depth and range of expression is usually limited and immature for their chronologic age. Their reaction to pleasure and pain can be atypical, with idiosyncratic mannerisms that express feeling excited, such as hand flapping, or a stoic response to pain and punishments.

Examples of characteristics that moms and dads may be concerned about are a lack of apparent gratitude or remorse and paradoxic and atypical responses to particular situations. For example, the youngster may giggle when expected to show remorse [41] and be remarkably quick in resolving grief. They also may misinterpret gestures of affection, such as a hug, with the comment that the squeeze was perceived as uncomfortable and not comforting. Their emotional reactions also can be delayed, perhaps with an expression of anger some days or weeks after the event.

Their coping or emotional recovery mechanisms need to be assessed and can include characteristics such as retreating into solitude, increasing time spent engaged in a special interest, reading fantasy literature, and playing computer games. Some people internalize their reaction with self-blame and low self-esteem, whereas others externalize their reaction, becoming critical of others and developing an arrogant and intolerant personality. The former may show signs of depression and anxiety, whereas the latter are often referred for problems with anger management. Different emotions can prevail at particular times of the day, however, for example, being anxious before school and angry when returning home. It is also valuable to assess not only how the youngster repairs their own feelings but also how they repair the feelings of others. Research suggests that people with Aspergers use fewer of the available cues in facial expression and body language to infer emotional states [42].

The clinician needs to assess the individual's ability to identify the cues of emotional states in others and to know when specific words and actions are anticipated, for example, providing gestures and words of affection when a family member or friend is sad or reassurance when they are anxious. Questions can be asked, such as “How would you know when your mother is feeling sad?” and “What would you do if she were crying?” Another area of assessment is their awareness of the impact of their own mood state and associated behavior on the thoughts and feelings of others, namely an assessment of empathy. Unfortunately we do not have any standardized tests to measure empathy; accordingly, most information is obtained from discussion with the individual with Aspergers and their family for examples of a relative lack of empathic response.

Affective education—

Affective education is the next stage in a course of CBT and an essential component for those with Aspergers. The main goal is to learn why we have emotions, their use and misuse, and the identification of different levels of expression. A basic principle is to explore one emotion at a time as a theme for a project. The choice of which emotion to start with is decided by the therapist, but a useful starting point is happiness or pleasure. A scrapbook can be created that illustrates the emotion. For young kids, this can include pictures of people expressing the different degrees of happiness or pleasure, but can be extended to pictures of objects and situations that have a personal association with the feeling, for example, a photograph of a rare lizard for an individual with a special interest in reptiles. For adults, the book can illustrate the pleasures in their life, with a list based on the song My Favorite Things. The content also can include the sensations that may elicit the feeling, such as aromas, tastes, and textures. The scrapbook can be used as a diary to include compliments, and records of achievement, such as certificates and memorabilia.

At a later stage in therapy, the scrapbook can be used to change a particular mood but it also can be used to illustrate different perceptions of a situation. If the therapy is conducted in a group, the books can be compared and contrasted. Talking about trains may be an enjoyable experience for one participant but perceived as remarkably boring or dominating for another. Part of the education is to explain that although this topic may create a feeling of well being in the one participant, their attempt to cheer up another individual by talking about trains may not be a successful strategy, perhaps producing a response that they did not expect. One of the interesting aspects that the author has noticed is that individuals with Aspergers tend to achieve enjoyment primarily from knowledge, interests, and solitary pursuits, and less from social experiences, in comparison with other client groups. They are often at their happiest when alone.

The affective education stage includes the therapist describing and the individual discovering the salient cues that indicate a particular level of emotional expression in facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and context. The face is described as an information center for emotions. The typical errors include not identifying which cues are relevant or redundant, and misinterpreting cues. The therapist uses a range of games and resources to “spot the message” and explain the multiple meanings; for example, a furrowed brow can mean anger or bewilderment, or may be a sign of aging skin. A loud voice does not automatically mean that an individual is angry.

Once the key elements that indicate a particular emotion have been identified, it is important to use an “instrument” to measure the degree of intensity. The therapist can construct a model “thermometer,” “gauge,” or volume control, and can use a range of activities to define the level of expression. For example, they can use a selection of pictures of happy faces and place each picture at the appropriate point on the instrument. During the therapy it is important to ensure the individual shares the same definition or interpretation of words and gestures and to clarify any semantic confusion. Clinical experience has indicated that some individuals with Aspergers can use extreme statements such as “I am going to kill myself” to express a level of emotion that would be more moderately expressed by another individual. During a program of affective education, the therapist often has to increase the individual's vocabulary of emotional expression to ensure precision and accuracy.

The education program includes activities to detect specific degrees of emotion in others but also in oneself, using internal physiologic cues, cognitive cues, and behavior. Technology can be used to identify internal cues in the form of biofeedback instruments such as auditory EMG and GSR machines. The individual and those who know them well can create a list of their physiologic, cognitive, and behavioral cues that indicate their increase in emotional arousal. The degree of expression can be measured using one of the special instruments used in the program, such as the emotion thermometer. One of the aspects of the therapy is to help the individual perceive their “early warning signals” that indicate emotional arousal that may need cognitive control; perhaps, using a metaphor, they can be the warning lights and instruments on a car dashboard.

When a particular emotion and the levels of expression are understood, the next component of affective education is to use the same procedures for a contrasting emotion. After exploring happiness, the next topic explored would be sadness; feeling relaxed would be explored before a project on feeling anxious. The individual is encouraged to understand that certain thoughts or emotions are “antidotes” to other feelings, for example, some strategies or activities associated with feeling happy may be used to counteract feeling sad.

Some people with Aspergers can have considerable difficulty translating their feelings into conversational words. There can be a greater eloquence, insight, and accuracy using other forms of expression. The therapist can use prose in the form of a “conversation” by typing questions and answers on a computer screen or techniques such as comic strip conversations that use figures with speech and thought bubbles [7]. When designing activities to consolidate the new knowledge on emotions, one can use a diary, e-mail, art, or music as a means of emotional expression that provides a greater degree of insight for individual and therapist.

Other activities to be considered in affective education are the creation of a photograph album that includes pictures of the individual and family members expressing particular emotions, or video recordings of the individual expressing their feelings in real-life situations. This can be particularly valuable to demonstrate their behavior when expressing anger. Another activity entitled “Guess the message” can include the presentation of specific cues, such as a cough as a warning sign or a raised eyebrow to indicate doubt. It is also important to incorporate the individual's special interest in the program. For example, the author has worked with people whose special interest has been the weather and has suggested that their emotions are expressed as a weather report. There are several kids reading books that have a particular emotion as a theme and self-help books for adolescents with specific mood disorders that can be used as a form of bibliotherapy. We also now have books and computer programs that provide a social and emotional curriculum that includes activities for affective education for kids with Aspergers [43], [44].

Cognitive restructuring –

Cognitive restructuring enables the individual to correct distorted conceptualizations and dysfunctional beliefs. The process involves challenging their current thinking with logical evidence and ensuring the rationalization and cognitive control of their emotions. The first stage is to establish the evidence for a particular belief. People with Aspergers can make false assumptions of their circumstances and the intentions of others. They have a tendency to make a literal interpretation, and a casual comment may be taken out of context or may be taken to the extreme. For example, a young teenage male with Aspergers was once told his voice was breaking. He became extremely anxious that his voice was becoming faulty and decided to consciously alter the pitch of his voice to repair it. The result was an artificial falsetto voice that was incongruous in a young man. A teenage female with Aspergers overheard a conversation at school that implied that a female must be slim to be popular. She then achieved a dramatic weight loss in an attempt to be accepted by her peers.

We are all vulnerable to distorted conceptualizations, but people with Aspergers are less able to put things in perspective, seek clarification, and consider alternative explanations or responses. The therapist encourages the individual to be more flexible in their thinking and to seek clarification, using questions or comments such as “Are you joking?” or “I'm confused about what you just said.” Such comments also can be used when misinterpreting someone's intentions such as, “Did you do that deliberately?” and to rescue the situation after the patient has made an inappropriate response with a comment such as, “I'm sorry I offended you,” or “Oh dear, what should I have done?”

To explain a new perspective or to correct errors or assumptions, comic strip conversations can help the individual determine the thoughts, beliefs, knowledge, and intentions of the participants in a given situation [7]. This technique involves drawing an event or sequence of events in storyboard form with stick figures to represent each participant, and speech and thought bubbles to represent their words and thoughts. The individual and therapist use an assortment of fibro-tipped colored pens, with each color representing an emotion. As they write in the speech or thought bubbles, the individual's choice of color indicates their perception of the emotion conveyed or intended. This can clarify the individual's interpretation of events and the rationale for their thoughts and response. This technique can help the individual identify and correct any misperception and determine how alternative responses might affect the participants' thoughts and feelings.

One common effect of misinterpretation is the development of paranoia. Our knowledge of impaired Theory of Mind skills in the cognitive profile of kids with Aspergers suggests a simple explanation. The youngster can have difficulty distinguishing between accidental or deliberate intent. Other kids will know from the context, body language, and character of the individual involved that the intent was not to cause distress or injury. People with Aspergers, however, can focus primarily on the act and the consequences: “He hit me and it hurt, so it was deliberate,” whereas other kids would consider the circumstances: “He was running, tripped, and accidentally knocked my arm.” There may need to be training in checking the evidence before responding and developing more accurate “mind reading” skills.

Cognitive restructuring also includes a process known as “attribution retraining.” The individual may blame others exclusively and not consider their own contribution, or they can excessively blame themselves for events [2]. One aspect of Aspergers is a tendency for some individuals to adopt an attitude of arrogance or omnipotence where the perceived focus of control is external. Specific people are held responsible and become the target for retribution or punishment. These people have considerable difficulty accepting that they themselves have contributed to the event. The opposite can occur, however, when the individual has extremely low self-esteem and feels personally responsible, which results in feelings of anxiety and guilt. There also can be a strong sense of what is right and wrong and conspicuous reaction if others violate the social “laws” [2]. The youngster may be notorious as the class “policeman,” dispensing justice but not realizing what is within their authority. Attribution retraining involves establishing the reality of the situation, the various participants' contributions to an incident, and determining how the individual can change their perception and response.

Cognitive restructuring also includes activities that are designed to improve the individual's range of emotional repair mechanisms. The author has extended the use of metaphor to design programs that include the concept of an emotional toolbox to “fix the feeling.” Patients know that a toolbox usually includes a variety of tools to repair a machine, and discussion and activities are used to identify different types of “tools” for specific problems associated with emotions.

One type of emotional repair tool can be represented by a hammer, which signifies physical “tools” such as going for a walk or run, bouncing on a trampoline, or crushing empty cans for recycling. The intention is to repair emotions constructively by a safe physical act that increases the heart rate. One individual explained how a game of tennis “takes the fight out of me.” A paintbrush can be used to represent relaxation tools that lower the heart rate, such as drawing, reading, or listening to calming music. A two-handle saw can be used to represent social activities or people who can help repair feelings. This can include communication with someone who is known to be empathic and able to dispel negative feelings. This can be by spoken conversation or typed communication, enabling the individual to gain a new perspective on the problem and providing some practical advice. A picture of a manual can be used to represent thinking tools that are designed to improve cognitive processes. This includes phrases that encourage reflection before reaction. Evan, a young man with Aspergers, developed his “antidote to poisonous thoughts.”

The procedure is to provide a comment that counteracts negative thoughts, for example, “I can't cope” (negative or poisonous thought) “but I can do this with help” (positive thought or antidote). The individual also is taught that becoming emotional can inhibit their intellectual abilities in a particular situation that requires good problem-solving skills. When frustrated, one needs to become “cool” and less rigid in one's thinking to solve the problem, especially if the solution requires social cognition.

There is a discussion of inappropriate tools (with the comment that one would not use a hammer to fix a computer) to explain how some actions, such as violence and thoughts such as suicide, are not appropriate emotional repair mechanisms. For example, one individual would slap himself to stop negative thoughts and feelings. Another tool that could become inappropriate is to retreat into a fantasy world (perhaps imagining they are a superhero), or to plan retaliation. The use of escape into fantasy literature and games can be a typical tool for ordinary adolescents but is of concern when this becomes the exclusive coping mechanism; the border between fantasy and reality may be unclear and the thinking becomes delusional. Cognitive restructuring can be used to return to concrete thinking.

Also of concern is when daydreams of retaliation to teasing and bullying are expressed in drawings, writing, and threats. Although this is a conventional means of emotional expression, there is a concern that the expression is misinterpreted as an intention to carry out the fantasy or indeed may be a precursor to retaliation using weapons. Unusual tools also are discussed. For example, during a group CBT session on sadness, a teenage female explained that, “Crying doesn't work for me, so I get angry.” Clinical experience suggests that tears may be rare as a response to feeling sad, with a more common response to sadness being anger. The program includes the development of a range of conventional means of emotional expression and repair mechanisms and an explanation as to why some of their reactions are misinterpreted by others.

Clinical experience also has indicated that humor and imagination can be used as thinking tools. Those with Aspergers are not immune to the benefits of laughter, can enjoy jokes typical of their developmental level, and can be remarkably creative with puns and jokes [45]. One tool or mechanism that seems to be unusual is that of being quick at resolving grief and serious tragedies. This characteristic can be of concern to the individual's family, who expect the classic signs of prolonged and intense grieving; they consider the individual as uncaring, yet the rapid recovery is simply a feature of Aspergers.

Other interesting characteristics are the inclusion of talking to pets as a social tool, sometimes in preference to talking to friends, and the positive effects on mood from helping someone. This strategy can be effective for individuals with Aspergers who also need to be needed and can improve their mood by being of practical assistance. Finally, the concept of a toolbox can be extremely helpful in enabling the individual with Aspergers not only to repair their own feelings but also to repair the feelings of others. They often benefit from tuition in learning what tools to use to help friends and family and which tools others use, so that they may borrow tools to add to their own emotional repair kit.

Stress management –

People with Aspergers are prone to greater stress in their daily lives than their peers. Social interaction, especially with more than one individual, in which they have to identify, translate, and respond to social and emotional cues and cope with unexpected noise levels, inevitably increases stress to a point where the individual's coping mechanisms may collapse. A stress assessment based on our knowledge of Aspergers will help the clinician determine what are the natural and idiosyncratic stressors for the individual [46]. Subsequently, an effective stress management program can be designed as an essential component of CBT.

Traditional relaxation procedures using activities to encourage muscle relaxation and breathing exercises can be taught to individuals with Aspergers as a counter conditioning procedure, but one must also consider the circumstances in which they are particularly prone to stress. Environmental modification can significantly reduce stress. This can include reducing noise levels, minimizing distractions, and having a safe area for periods of solitude to relax or concentrate on schoolwork. If the clinician recognizes that a particular event is a major cause of stress, then it would be wise to consider whether the source of stress could be avoided, for example, recommending the temporary suspension of homework. At school, one option for the youngster who becomes stressed in the playground is to be able to withdraw to the school library, or for the worker who is anxious about socializing during the lunch break, to complete a crossword puzzle or go for a walk. Another source of stress for kids and adults is unexpected changes in work demands or circumstances. They may need advance preparation and time to adjust their work schedule.

Cue-controlled relaxation is also a useful component of a stress management plan. One strategy is for the individual to have an object in their pocket that symbolizes or has been classically conditioned to elicit feelings of relaxation. For example, a teenage female with Aspergers was an avid reader of fiction, her favorite book being The Secret Garden. She kept a key in her pocket to metaphorically open the door to the secret garden, an imaginary place where she felt relaxed and happy. A few moments touching or looking at the key helped her to contemplate a scene described in the book and to relax and achieve a more positive state of mind. Adults can have a special picture in their wallet such as a photograph of a woodland scene, which reminds the individual of the solitude and tranquility of such a place

Self-reflection—

In conventional CBT programs, the individual is encouraged to self-reflect to improve insight into their thoughts and feelings, promoting a realistic and positive self-image and enhancing the ability to self-talk for greater self-control. The concept of self-consciousness may be different for people with Aspergers, however. There may be a qualitative impairment in the ability to engage in introspection. Research evidence, autobiographies, and clinical experience have confirmed that some individuals with Aspergers and high functioning autism can lack an “inner voice” and think in pictures rather than words [47], [48]. They also have difficulty translating their visual thoughts into words. As an adolescent with Aspergers explained in relation to how visualization improves his learning (a picture is worth a thousand words), “I have the picture in my mind but not the thousand words to describe it.” Some have an “inner voice” but have difficulty disengaging mind and mouth, and vocalize their thoughts to the confusion or annoyance of those near them. Obviously, the therapy needs to accommodate such unusual characteristics.

The modifications include a greater use of visual material and resources using drawings, role-play, and metaphor, and less reliance on spoken responses. It is interesting that many individuals have a greater ability to develop and explain their thoughts and emotions using other expressive media, such as typed communication in the form of e-mail or a diary, music, art, or a pictorial dictionary of feelings [3].

When talking about themselves, young adults with autism and Aspergers do not anchor their self-attributes in social activities and relationships or use as wide a range of emotions in their descriptions as their peers [49]. They are less likely to describe themselves in the context of their relationships and interactions with other people. The self-reflection component of CBT may have to be modified to accommodate a concept of self primarily in terms of physical, intellectual, and psychologic attributes.

The therapy includes programs to adjust the individual's self image to be an accurate reflection of their abilities and the neurologic origins of their disorder. Some time needs to be allocated to explaining the nature of Aspergers and how the characteristics account for their differences. The author recommends that as soon as the youngster or adult has the diagnosis of Aspergers, the clinician needs to carefully and authoritatively explain the nature of the disorder to their family, but the youngster also must receive a personal explanation. This is to reduce the likelihood of inappropriate compensatory mechanisms to their recognition of being different and concern as to why they have to see psychologists and psychiatrists.

They also may be concerned as to why they have to take medication and receive tuition at school that is not given to their peers. Over the last few years, there have been several publications and programs developed specifically to introduce the youngster or adolescent to their diagnosis. The choice of which book or program to use is determined by the clinician, but it is important that the explanations are accurate and positive. The individual will perceive the diagnosis as it is presented. If the approach is pessimistic, the reaction can be to trigger a depression or to reject the diagnosis and treatment. The clinician also can recommend the individual read some of the autobiographies written by kids [50], [51] and adults [52], [53]. The subsequent discussion is whether and how to tell other people of the diagnosis, especially extended family, neighbors, friends, and colleagues.

When an accurate perception of self has been achieved, it is possible to explore cognitive mechanisms to accommodate their unusual profile of abilities, which the author describes as their talents and vulnerabilities, and to consider the directions for change in self-image. One approach is using the metaphor of a road map with alternative directions and destinations [54], and a Personal Construct Assessment [55].

Practice—

Once the individual has improved their cognitive strategies to understand and manage their moods at an intellectual level, it is necessary to start practicing the strategies in a graduated sequence of assignments. The first stage is for the therapist to model the appropriate thinking and actions in role-play with the individual, who then practices with the therapist or other group members, vocalizing thinking to monitor their cognitive processes. A form of graduated practice is used, starting with situations associated with a mild level of distress or agitation. A list of situations or triggers is created from the assessment conducted at the start of the therapy, with each situation written on a yellow Post-It note. The individual uses the thermometer or measuring instrument originally used in the affective education activities to determine the hierarchy or rank order of situations. The most distressing are placed at the upper level of the instrument. As the therapy progresses, the individual and therapist work through the hierarchy using fading or systematic desensitization using a schedule of graduated exposure to encourage the individual to be less emotionally reactive [56].

After practice during the therapy session, the individual has a project to apply their new knowledge and abilities in real-life situations. The therapist obviously needs to communicate and coordinate with those who are supporting the individual in real-life circumstances. After each practical experience, therapist and individual consider the degree of success, using activities such as comic strip conversations to debrief, reinforcement for achievements, and a “boasting book” or certificate of achievement. It also helps to have a training manual for the individual that includes suggestions and explanations. The manual becomes a resource for the individual during the therapy but is easily accessible information when the therapy program is complete. One of the issues during the practice will be generalization. People with Aspergers tend to be rigid in terms of recognizing when the new strategies are applicable in a situation that does not obviously resemble the practice sessions with the psychologist. It is necessary to ensure that strategies are used in a wide range of circumstances and no assumption made that once an appropriate emotion management strategy has proved successful, it will continue to be used in all settings.

The duration of the practice stage depends on the degree of success and list of situations. Gradually the therapist provides less direct guidance and support to encourage confidence in independently using the new strategies. The goal is to provide a template for current and future problem, but it will probably be necessary to maintain contact with the individual for some time to prevent relapse.

Aspects of CBT can be incorporated into conventional family therapy [57] and social skills groups [58], and can be conducted as the primary psychologic treatment. Other specialists may be consulted during the program, especially if the individual has signs of attention deficit disorder, Tourette syndrome, and specific learning problems. Predictors of a successful outcome may include the complexity and degree of expression of the mood disorder and diagnostic characteristics, the intellectual capacity of the individual, and their circumstances and support. Two positive predictors that have been recognized by the author from clinical experience are a sense of humor and imagination.

Finally our scientific knowledge in the area of psychologic therapies and Aspergers is remarkably limited. We have case studies [59], but at present, no systematic and rigorous independent research studies that examine whether CBT is an effective treatment with this clinical population. This is despite the known high incidence of mood disorders, especially among adolescents with Aspergers. As a matter of expediency, a clinician may decide to conduct a course of CBT based on the known effectiveness of this form of psychologic treatment in the general population. We have yet to establish whether it is universally appropriate, however, and to confirm the modifications to accommodate the unusual characteristics and profile of abilities associated with Aspergers.



Best Comment:

Three months ago I wrote that son, 27, was finally getting his own apartment about 15 minutes away from our house.

As usual, I have a pattern of unrealistic hopes and dreams that clash with hard cold reality. I am thrilled that son has made it three months, that is a huge milestone. But there have been bumps, big and small.

Small bump: I thought I anticipated and prepared for every possible thing that could he could encounter, but I forgot about this one: adjusting the thermostat! For one thing he doesn't feel cold or heat in the same way we do and for another, seventy-two degrees has no more meaning for him than thirty-two degrees. It is just a word. So that was a huge shock when we saw his first utility bill and it was as much as for our much larger house. So, up went another sign tacked right above the thermostat listing "at-home" temperatures, "going out" temperatures and settings. It complements the reminder by the front door with a checklist for keys, phone etc, and the one over the light switch in the bedroom reminding night time meds and routines, and the one in the bathroom to brush teeth and shave. His apartment is practically wallpapered with the reminders.

Funny bump: the second month in the apartment, he had a light bulb burn out and called the maintenance man! In retrospect, not sure he had ever changed a light bulb while living at home. But, now he has a package of them tucked in the pantry shelf and the knowledge of how to change one now.

Huge bump: he informed us after the fact that he'd filed a police report on someone he met online, someone living in a state thousands of miles away with a "goth" appearance who had threatened him after chatting.

Month one was a honeymoon. I was congratulating myself on how well he was doing, keeping up with his stuff. Month two was a disaster. Losing keys, losing cell phone, losing wallet, oversleeping and missing the bus for work. Month three is a mix.

We had to take back his newly-purchased, used truck for violating the "no eating while driving rule." And the "no cell phone while driving rule" and, as it turned out, he started a nasty habit of smoking little cigars in the truck, too, and burned six holes in the vinyl floor (slightly distracting!). Again, he managed to come up with a brand new contingency that I had not prepared for.

So, all the talks with all his support group and mentors about distracted driving and his sincere-sounding promises to "never do that" went out the window. He didn't follow thru with that at all, so we confiscated his transportation. That was hard for him. Most of our conversations ended up with one of us hanging up on the other. Lots of announcements that it "is his life and I should butt out." At one point, we were visiting him for about the second or third time. Apartment was a disaster with empty food containers everywhere but in the garbage. Spilled Ramen noodles and rice on the floor…as I suggested it should be cleaned up, he suggested that "why didn't we just leave?" So, we just stood up and walked out the door with a "see ya." I think he was shocked and that was the intended purpose.

So here we are ending month three. I am trying to let him handle his problems and difficulties more and more. It would be so nice, however, if I felt he learned from them, but he seldom seems to.

We are gradually working out an uneasy phone relationship. He is bored and very lonely, despite the fact he spent 95% of his time here last year in his room, he had us around. And now it is just him. He has one friend and do they do little together. So I constantly feel guilty that we should be his friend group and do more and more stuff with him socially. I get frustrated that he calls more than five times a day with NOTHING to say…holding a conversation with the other end and his one word answers when I am busy and he is bored is draining! I have pointed him towards a social group here for Aspies, not interested. He quit the orchestra he was in (and seemed to love) for no reason he could articulate. I have sent him info on churches, and on and on and on.

So, I am holding my breath…he would be so much happier in a supported living environment. But that doesn't exist in our county, though I am working trying to make it happen someday. However, I need one "right now!" I have a step daughter that is helping a little bit with taking him to grocery and bringing him over for dinner occasionally and I am very grateful for that. I feel like I should be more grateful that he is out and living on his own…but again, my expectations were a lot higher. He still has no job, does two volunteer positions where he's been for MONTHS and even though they say what a great job he's doing, they can't seem to find enough money to hire him for even four hours a week. So that contributes to being bored and being on a very small income.

In reading this over, I feel very mean and petty. I should be more grateful with what he is able to do…and hopefully, he will be able to find a job. I should count my blessings more and not complain so much. But today I just feel like venting at the unfairness of it all!

But what do I do, how do I cope with a child who has had all this special schooling, therapies out the wazoo, thousands of dollars in counseling…and it seems to have made little difference in his outcome. Bang, bang, bang…that is me banging my head against the wall!


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The Distinction Between Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Children diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) often communicate their internal experiences and emotional states in ways that may di...