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How to Help Aspergers and HFA Teens Transition to High School

Young Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autistic (HFA) teens entering high school look forward to having more choices and making new and more friends; however, they also are concerned about being picked on and teased by older students, having harder work, making lower grades, and getting lost in a larger, unfamiliar school.

As these "special needs" teens make the transition into high school, many experience a decline in grades and attendance. They view themselves more negatively and experience an increased need for friendships. By the end of the 10th grade as many as 6% drop out of school. For middle school students, including those who have been labeled "gifted" or "high-achieving," the transition into high school can be an especially unpleasant experience.

Research has found, however, that when middle school students with AS and HFA took part in a high school transition program with several diverse articulation activities, fewer students were retained in the transition grade. Furthermore, middle school principals indicated that they expected fewer of their students to drop out before graduation when the school provided supportive advisory group activities or responsive remediation programs.

==> Help for Parents with Defiant Aspergers Teens

Providing students on the autism spectrum with activities that relate directly to their transition into high school certainly is important; however, providing them with a challenging and supportive middle school experience is an equally important factor in their making a successful transition into high school. Research reveals that AS and HFA students who stayed together with the same educators through sixth, seventh, and eighth grades - and experienced more hands-on, life-related learning activities, integrated instruction, and cooperative learning groups were more successful in their transition to high school than were students from the same school who had a more traditional middle school experience.

AS and HFA students have also indicated that if their middle school educators had held them more responsible for their learning, taught them more about strategies for learning on their own, and provided them a more challenging curriculum, their transition to high school would have been easier.

A good high school transition program includes a variety of activities that (1) provide children and parents with information about the new school, (2) provide children with social support during the transition, and (3) bring middle school and high school personnel together to learn about the curriculum and requirements.

Middle school students on the spectrum want to know what high school is going to be like, and they and their parents need to know about and understand high school programs and procedures well in advance. In particular, moms and dads need to be actively involved in the decisions their eighth-graders are asked to make about classes they will take in ninth grade and understand the long-term effects of the course decisions.

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Some of the ways AS and HFA teens can learn about high school include:
  • "shadowing" a current high school student
  • attending a fall orientation assembly (preferably before school starts)
  • attending a presentation by a high school student or panel of students
  • discussing high school regulations and procedures with eighth-grade educators and counselors
  • participating in face-to-face activities
  • visiting the high school in the fall for schedule information
  • visiting the high school in the spring

In addition, high school students can, either as a class or club project, set up a Website that would provide incoming students information on different high school activities and clubs and offer them an opportunity to get answers to any questions they may have from the "experts."

At a time when friendships and social interaction are particularly important for young teens on the autism spectrum, the normative transition into high school often serves to disrupt friendship networks and, thereby, interferes with students' success in high school. Thus, it is vital for a transition program to include activities that will provide incoming students social support activities that give students the opportunity to get to know and develop positive relationships with older students and other incoming students.

Methods of social support include:
  • "Big Sister/Brother" Program that begins in eighth grade and continues through ninth grade
  • Peer mentoring programs
  • Spring social event for current and incoming high school students
  • Tutoring programs
  • Writing programs where eighth-graders correspond with high school students

Tips for Teachers: 29 Ways to Build Confidence in Students with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism



PARENT INVOLVEMENT—

The importance of parents being involved in their child’s transition from middle to high school can hardly be overestimated. When moms and dads are involved in their child’s transition to high school, they tend to stay involved in his/her school experiences. Also, when parents are involved in their child's high school experiences, the student (statistically speaking) has a higher level of achievement, is better adjusted, and is less likely to drop out of school.

Parent involvement in the transition process to high school can be encouraged through a variety of activities. Parents may:
  • be invited to participate in a conference (preferably at the middle school) with their child and the high school counselor to discuss course work and schedules
  • help design and facilitate some of the articulation activities for students
  • spend a day at the high school to help them understand what their child's life will be like
  • visit the high school with their child in the spring or in the fall

Note: Parents of students who are already in high school are an excellent resource for other parents and may also help to encourage new parents to be more involved in school activities.

==> Help for Parents with Defiant Aspergers Teens

How Parents Can Help With Transitions—

1. A week or so before school starts in the fall, make sure your adolescent gets another tour of the school. Help him find his locker and practice opening it. Take his schedule and walk from class to class in the order he will have to go each day. If the schedule is not the same every day, make sure you practice with him/her all the different variations. Visit the cafeteria and talk about the different options for eating lunch, bring lunch from home or buying hot lunch.

2. Arrange for your adolescent to meet all of her educators before the first day of school. This is something that would best be done over several days so your adolescent is not overwhelmed.

3. Get a catalogue of courses offered as soon as it is available and start looking at it with your adolescent. Talk about classes that will be required to graduate and classes that your adolescent has a special interest in.

4. If possible, plan for your 8th grader to spend time at the high school during his 8th grade year. If the schools are close together it might be possible for your 8th grader to spend his study hall time working in the library at the high school, working as a teacher's assistant, or being an office helper. Or perhaps your adolescent can take a class at the high school during his 8th grade year.

5. If the high school has a mentor program for incoming freshmen try and have your adolescent meet his mentor over the summer, for ice cream or a soda, to get to know each other a little.

6. If your adolescent has an IEP (individual education plan) make sure all of his/her educators are aware of the IEP and take time to briefly discuss with each of them the most critical issues for your adolescent.

7. If your adolescent will ride the school bus, visit the bus stop by your home and locate the drop off spot at the high school. Figure out which door they will use to enter the school and how to find their locker from that door. Make sure your adolescent knows where they will catch the bus in the afternoon and how to identify which bus they will ride on. If this is your adolescent's first experience with a school bus, make sure the bus driver is aware of your adolescent's special needs and that they will keep a careful eye on your adolescent to make sure they get off at the correct spot.

8. In the spring make sure your adolescent gets a tour of the high school, meeting key people like the principal, counselors, special education staff, front office staff, and library staff.

9. Make arrangements with the high school for your adolescent to sit in on a few classes towards the end of his 8th grade year. If possible arrange for your adolescent to visit classes of educators he/she will have the following year. Also, arrange for someone to sit in on the classes with your adolescent, a counselor, special ed teacher, etc.

10. Make arrangements with the school for your adolescent to have one special person who will be their "go to" person if they have any questions or difficulties.

11. Start planning early for the change. The beginning of 8th grade is not too soon to start having conversation with school personnel about ways to make it easier for the next year.

12. Start talking about college and what your adolescent will have to do to get ready.

13. Start talking about how great high school will be and how you think you adolescent will really enjoy being there. (You are planting positive ideas, so try and sound very positive).

14. Have the school assign a compassionate student to be your adolescent's lunch buddy for the first week of school so he/she does not have to eat alone. Sometimes schools are willing to assign a buddy for each class too. This can be helpful in making your Aspergers adolescent feel more accepted by his/her peers.

15. Plan to touch base with each of your adolescents educators by email after the first 1-2 days of school to see how things are progressing. Arrange to have an in person meeting with the educators during the second week of school. (By that time they have had a chance to figure out who your youngster is and you can give them more information about Aspergers and what has worked best for your youngster in the past. Be sure to thank them for their willingness to help your unique youngster have a great year and offer to help them in any way you can.)
By

Aspergers and HFA Teens: Learning to Drive a Car

Question

I have Aspergers, and I still do not understand how to drive. I attempted taking coaching once, but it was a catastrophe. I never got out of the parking area. I also have OCD, so that adds to why I do not drive. My OCD is why I've got the FEAR of driving (anxiety about harming someone, anxiety about doing something wrong, anxiety about destroying property, and so on), and my Aspergers is the reason why I do not possess the actual ABILITY to drive. I have numerous visual-spatial deficits that many people with Aspergers have, so driving is just not well-suited for me. I've normally had difficulty understanding my right from my left, so steering was a headache. I also have difficulty judging depth and speed, so when I practiced parking, I didn't know if I was where I was supposed to be. Additionally, driving demands the ability to recognize other drivers' actions and to focus on multiple sensory experiences at the same time, two more things that I fail at. I understand a lot of people with Aspergers may become excellent drivers … I'm simply not one of them. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer

Driving is quite a strange skill to master. How quickly you pick up driving often has very little to do with your intellect in other things. Some real dummies are still able to drive in as few as five lessons, whereas some really intelligent people can need as many as fifty lessons.

Many people with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) experience sheer hell learning to drive. Probably the most difficult thing for them appears to be planning in advance and thinking ahead.

Look for a sensitive instructor. Some approved driving instructors may be opinionated and impatient – which will certainly add to your stress-level.

Do not compare yourself with other people. Others may be exaggerating about how few lessons they needed and could be lying when they say they passed first time.

Slow progress is still progress.

Most people on the autism spectrum can become a driver, however their process might take longer because of their poor motor control. After they learn a couple of guidelines, they will probably follow them to the letter (a trait that helps in driving). However, they may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road.

When taking formal driving sessions, you will probably find it overloading, if not overwhelming, to receive verbal instructions. You will learn best in your own time, your own pace and in your own manner, not someone else's, especially NT's.

I think it could be more suitable if the driving instructor is informed about your disorder beforehand and learns how to communicate with you (tell him what communication method works best for you). The instructor should be more patient with you than with NT's when you are reversing, signaling, or performing maneuvers to pass on the highway, for example.

Aspergers and HFA doesn't limit a person's ability to drive in every case. The ability to drive safely must be judged on an individual basis. People on the spectrum should follow some basic guidelines though:

1. Assemble a group of professionals such as the parents, a school psychologist, a driver’s education instructor and others to discuss whether or not you capable of driving a car. Assess your visual/motor tasks, how easily you get distracted, and overall motor skills.

2. Apply for a driving license at the normal legal age, but be sure to put down Aspergers on the application at the DMV. It's against the law not to declare this on the application, but it won't disqualify you for getting a license.

3. Take driving lessons with a driver’s education instructor, but double the amount of physical driving practice to really get used to reacting to normal driving situations. Also, bring information that can help the instructor adapt strategies to help understand you better. Take frequent breaks during this time, ask that the information be broken down into small sections, and ask the instructor to use physical cues to help with estimating speed and distance.

4. Continue to practice with someone familiar to make it more comfortable . Simulate situations in an empty parking lot that require avoidance steering, emergency breaking and distractions like loud music, water on the windshield and pedestrians until you are comfortable.

5. Drive along familiar routes as often as possible. New routes and not knowing where you are going can be distracting and upsetting.

6. Remain calm when other drivers break the rules of the road and be ready for when they do. People with Aspergers tend to follow the rules of the road and the signs concretely – sometimes to a fault. Anticipate the actions of other cars by observing their behavior – again, the most important thing is to pay attention to other cars.



Tips for Parents of Aspergers and HFA Teens—

Follow some of the "keys" to getting your adolescent on the right track:

1. After about 10 lessons on rarely visited roads, you're ready to let your adolescent enter Stage 1. Let your adolescent drive you from your home to a location very near by like the corner service station or even the nearby school, taking the side streets and back roads.

2. After about 5 to 10 lessons in an empty parking area, begin Stage 2 -- taking your adolescent to a new subdivision when there is not a lot of construction work going on. Often times you can find many nearly empty subdivisions. In this setting your adolescent learns to drive near houses, on regular streets with just an occasional car passing by.

3. After your adolescent has his or her learner's permit, start Stage 3 of your hands-on driver's education program. Take your adolescent to a vacant parking area. We used the library parking lot after hours but an empty shopping mall on a Weekend morning might also work. Practice parallel parking during this stage to liven things up!

4. Either make a scheduled appointment on-line or show up at the Department of Motor Vehicles to take the learner's permit written test. In some states your adolescent will have two opportunities to take the written test in one day if they fail the first time. Schedule your appointment for early enough in the day.

5. Motivate your adolescent to maintain a's and b's on his report card because that means a reduced auto insurance rate. Also, motivate your adolescent to maintain a learner's permit for a full two years before getting the regular license. The car insurance folks view this as "experience" driving and will give the adolescent a lower rate oftentimes based on how many years of driving experience.

6. In certain states your adolescent needs to complete a Drug and Alcohol test. The drug and alcohol four hour test may be taken on-line and must be completed to get a driver's permit.

7. Stage 4 is about allowing your adolescent drive on the highway. Select a segment of the highway that is not as high in traffic (don't do this during rush hour). Only have your adolescent drive from one exit to the next, and know ahead of time where you want him or her to turn off.

8. Stage 5 involves allowing your adolescent drive to a fun location. It is important for your adolescent to learn how to not only drive, but to know more about how you get to the places he likes to go. Let him practice taking you to the supermarket, a popular restaurant, school or other popular spot.

9. The final Stage 6 is allowing your adolescent to help you drive on a road trip. Explain exactly how to utilize a road map, how to plan a long trip. Check the laws of different states before venturing out on your road trip. Not all states allow an adolescent to drive using a learner's permit when crossing into their state.

10. Your adolescent should preferably take a driver's education class. It does not have to be in a school setting. Many states now offer on-line driver's education classes.


More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Asperger's and HFA Children

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and HFA: How to Promote Self-Reliance


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… I have Aspergers and learned to drive in my late teens, had a break while at university and went back to it in my final year. I had an awful instructor, but the big difference was practicing. My Dad made me drive the car to my university flat in the city from our town every Sunday evening. Long drive, about 20k, light traffic, interesting, complicated route, it got my confidence back after the bad instructor and made driving a lot more natural. Then after passing I was doing doctoral research and living at a lab very far from home so driving up there and back at the weekends and relying on myself to get to shops for groceries really helped stop me avoiding it.
•    Anonymous said… im a driving instructer with an aspie boy. ive tqught several aspie kids. persever..... it will just take alot more practice but can DEFINATLY be done.
•    Anonymous said… My son is old enough to learn now, but he isn't keen. I cant tell if the reason is teenage boy laziness or Aspergers. It would really help the family out if he did learn, but after reading your post I might stop trying to push him.
•    Anonymous said… Practice on a easy Video game eg. Buggys, motor bikes on open dirt areas. This will give you plenty of safe fun while learning about driving. My asp son is excellent now after a year of XBox.
•    Anonymous said… Practice... as much as possible...in safe areas.
•    Anonymous said… So my main bits of advice are, practice, and make sure you get an instructor who you can actually work with...
•    Anonymous said… There is allegedly an IPad driving simulator for Aspergers as well as at least one professional coach and driving simulator at Cherry Hill Y.A.L.E. in New Jersey. They gave a seminar about it in February. Give yourself more time.
• Anonymous said... Great advise! My son who is 17 and alrady has his permit is practicing how to drive. Yesterday he bumped into another parked car as he was pulling out. He doesn't measure distance of spaces well. Will take some of this into account and will also advise his instructor who will begin lesssons this weekend. Hope he can make it! :)
• Anonymous said... I'm a pretty good driver, I have excellent reflexes but horrible road rage and horrible judgement of distance (I can't tell how much time I have to turn before a car is upon me). I say just take his time, if he can't judge distance like me, then it's always best to wait. He'll be fine. I'm still wondering on the road rage.
• Anonymous said... my aspergers husband is an excellant driver and as hios passion in life is buse and coaches,he is now a full time coach driver,he has never had an accident in 40 years of driving and never gets road rage/meltdown while at work or driving his coach,however if any one comes near OUR car,he does have real road rage?only seen it 3 times in 40 years but very scarey,our 2 daughters both aspergers,both drive
• Anonymous said... Thanks so very much for a very 'timely' and important articles, as my 17 year old nephew with Aspergers, is now looking forward to getting his drivers license since he will be attending college next year.
• Anonymous said... When it comes to a cheap driving school, the usual questions should apply. Things such as availability of the instructors are relevant information you should seek. Attending night driving classes in addition to those in the day can prove helpful, so be sure to ask if they are offered. Additionally, it pays to find out what the school's policy is when it comes to teaching in adverse weather; some schools will cancel and some will carry on. This is important as you don't just drive when the weather is fine!  
* Anonymous said... There are affordable options, but it's your responsibility to determine if the cheap fees charged by a driving instructor don't also indicate low quality instruction. You should never mistake temporary savings for future gain as that cheap driving lesson may cost you more time and money than you anticipated if you have to repeat the exam.

Post your comment below…
By

High-Functioning Autism and Struggles in Adolescence

“I have a very lonely and depressed 17 year old son with high functioning autism that spends all of his time (except for going to school) in his bedroom playing video games. I don’t totally understand why he is always so down in the dumps. I wish there was something I could do to help him find some friends and start enjoying life. Any suggestions?”

Adolescence is probably the most miserable and complicated years for many young people with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). This is not true of everyone – some do extremely well. Their indifference to what peers think makes them indifferent to the intense peer pressure of adolescence. They can flourish within their specialty and become accomplished in their area of interest (e.g., music, history, etc.).

Unfortunately, many HFA adolescents become more socially isolated during a period when they crave friendships and inclusion more than ever. In the rough-and-tough world of middle and high school, these adolescents often face rejection, isolation and bullying. To make matters worse, school becomes more demanding in a period when these young people have to compete for college placements. Issues of sexuality and a desire for independence from moms and dads create even more problems.

In the adolescent world where everyone feels insecure, young people that appear different or “odd” are voted out of “the group.” HFA teens often have strange mannerisms (e.g., talk in a loud un-modulated voice, avoid eye contact, interrupt others, violate others physical space, steer the conversation to their favorite “odd” topic, etc.). Many of these young people appear willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because they are unable to share their thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, these adolescents are simply too anxious to initiate social contact.
 

Many adolescents on the spectrum are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any adolescent popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for these teenagers, even though they want it more than anything else.

HFA teenagers typically don’t care about current fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group). Also, these adolescents may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Some autistic teens remain stuck in grammar school clothes and hobbies (e.g., unicorns, Legos, dolls, etc.) instead of moving into adolescent concerns like FaceBook and dating. HFA males often have little motor coordination, which leaves them out of high school sports (typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship).

Adolescents on the autism spectrum are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless. HFA males can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a female peer who is simply being kind, and then they can get accused of stalking the girl. HFA girls may have fully developed bodies, but no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, thus making them susceptible to harassment – and even date rape.

Loneliness and depression can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to “fit in” and make friends, some adolescents on the spectrum fall into the wrong crowd. Typical adolescents who abuse drugs and alcohol may use the autistic teen's naivety to get him or her to buy/carry drugs and alcohol for their group.

Many adolescents on the spectrum, with their average to above average IQs, can sail through elementary school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with 5 to 7 different teachers instead of just 1 or 2. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent - or even hostile - toward making special accommodations is almost certain. The HFA teenager now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions, noise levels, and sets of expectations.

HFA adolescents, with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials, face similar academic problems as young people with ADHD. A high school term paper or a science project becomes impossible to manage, because no one has taught the youngster how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on autistic students can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll them in special education at this late point in their educational career.

Adolescence is an emotional rollercoaster for all teens. But, the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems associated with having an autism spectrum disorder mean that HFA adolescents can easily become emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums can reappear. Males often act-out by physically attacking the teacher or a schoolmate. They may experience "meltdowns" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Depression and drug/alcohol abuse become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to a vehicle, drugs and alcohol.

The parent of an adolescent with HFA often faces many problems that others parents don’t. As the teen approaches adulthood, time is quickly running out for teaching him or her how to become an independent adult. The parent may face issues like vocational training, teaching independent living, and providing lifetime financial support. Meanwhile, the immature autistic teen is often indifferent – and even hostile – to the parent’s concerns.

Once HFA youngsters enter the adolescent years, they are harder to control and less likely to listen to their parents. They may be tired of parents nagging them to “pay attention to people when they’re talking to you” … “comb your hair” … “you need a shower” … “get up, it’s time to get ready for school” …and so on. They may hate school because they are dealing with so much anxiety, social isolation and academic failure.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

Here are some ways moms and dads of HFA adolescents can help:

1. Because of their sensitivity to textures, HFA adolescents often wear the same clothes day in and day out. This is unacceptable in middle or high school. One idea that has worked for some moms and dads is to find an adolescent of the same age and sex as your teen, and then enlist that person’s help in choosing clothes that will enable your teen to blend in with his or her peers.

2. Most adolescents with ASD level 1 can learn to drive, but their learning process may take longer because of poor motor coordination. Once they learn a set of rules, they are likely to follow them to the letter. However, these teens may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road. Have your teen carry a cell phone, and give him or her a printed card that explains autism spectrum disorders. Teach him or her to give the card to a police officer and phone you in a crisis.

3. Alcoholic and drugs often react adversely with a person’s prescriptions, so you have to teach your teenager about these dangers in the event he or she is taking any medications. Also, since most HFA adolescents are very rule-oriented, try emphasizing that drugs and alcohol are illegal.

4. If your adolescent is college-bound, you have to prepare him or her for the experience. You can plan a trip to the campus and show your adolescent where to buy books, where the health services are, and so on. Teach your adolescent how to handle everyday problems, like where to buy deodorant, what to do if you oversleep and miss a class, etc.

5. If the pressure on your adolescent to conform is too great, if she or he faces constant harassment and rejection, if the principal and teachers do not cooperate with you, then it may be time to find another school. The adolescent years are often when many moms and dads decide it is in their adolescent’s best interest to enter special education or a therapeutic boarding school. In a boarding school, professionals will guide your son or daughter academically and socially on a twenty-four hour basis. They do not allow males to isolate themselves with video games. Everyone has to participate in social activities. Also, counseling staff helps with college placements. 
 

If you decide to work within a public school system, you may have to hire a lawyer to get needed services. Your HFA adolescent should have an Individual Education Plan (IEP) and accommodations for the learning disabled. This may mean placement in smaller classes, having a tutor, and obtaining special arrangements for gym and lunchtime. Teach your adolescent to find a safe place at school where he or she can share emotions with a trusted professional. The safe place may be the offices of the school nurse, guidance counselor, or a psychologist.

6. You MUST teach your adolescent about sex. You should NOT "talk around" the issue. You will have to be specific and detailed about safe sex and teach your adolescent to tell you about inappropriate touching by others. He or she may need remedial “sex education” (e.g., females need to understand that they are too old to sit on laps or give hugs to strangers, and males may have to learn to close toilet stall doors and masturbate only in private).

7. Teach your adolescent how to initiate contact with others. Teach how to leave phone messages and arrange details of social contacts (e.g., finding transportation to a school event). Encourage your adolescent to join high school clubs (e.g., chess or drama). It is not necessary for you to tell your teen’s peers that he or she has an autism spectrum disorder – let your teen do that. Many adolescents with HFA are enjoying each other's company through Internet chat rooms, forums and message boards.

8. Most summer and part-time jobs involve interaction with the public (e.g., movie usher, fast food worker, store clerk, etc.). This means they are not always a good fit for an adolescent with HFA. Some of these young people can find work in their field of special interest or in jobs that have little interpersonal interaction. Others have spent joyful summers at camps designed for “special needs” individuals like them.

As you prepare your adolescent for the workforce, keep in mind that individuals with HFA often do not understand office politics. They have problems with the basics (e.g., handling criticism, controlling emotions, showing up on time, working with the public, etc.). This does not mean they can’t hold down a job. Once they master certain aspects of employment, Adolescents and young adults on the spectrum are often able to work at high levels as accountants, research scientists, computer programmers, and so on.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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PARENTS' COMMENTS:
•    Anonymous said... an instrument could help -my boy plays drums and loves it ...more confidence anyway...
 •    Anonymous said... Aspies have a VERY hard time finding, making and keeping friends. When I was a teen I lost ALL of my friends my 9th grade year. Every last one. I was depressed and suicidal. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and why no one liked me!!! I do now though and today I know that I have Aspergers and so do two of my four children. We also believe my husband has it as well.  Computers/games/electronics allows us to focus on something else other that ourselves (Aspies are also VERY egocentric) and to escape. It helps us turn off our brains. It is comfort and it is release. The world of books is also comparable. For me, when I wasn't on the computer (I spent a lot of time programming - taught myself to do it when I was 8 yrs old), on my nintendo or my atari, I was reading. Those were probably the only things that kept me alive. If I'd had nowhere to escape to, I probably would have killed myself back then just to get that escape! Anyway, that's just my insight based on my own experiences. My two aspie kids also do this as well, especially my son, who also seems "mopey" all the time. He deals with being understimulated and a total lack of an ability to display emotion. So he might be REALLY excited about something but you would never know it based on his body language and facial expression. Hope this all helps!!!
 •    Anonymous said... Attending church & going to youth group functions is a tremendous blessing for my 15 yr. Old.
 •    Anonymous said... Certified Classical Homeopath
 •    Anonymous said... Find your state's autism society or advocacy organization and see if there are support/social groups for his age. If there aren't then start one! These nonprofit agencies offer wonderful support. I have found church and sports organizations that aren't affiliated with special needs groups specifically to be a mine field. You never know how accepting they can be but there are plenty of people out there in your position and you just need to connect with them! Also, look into letting him start community college. My son it only 10 but I have friends who have older Aspergers kids and they find their niche in community college where people tend to be more mature about accepting people into their groups. I live in Washington state and I came from Colorado where I had a wonderful resource outlet! If you are anywhere near me or would like some help finding some resources you can PM me! I don't mind helping anyone find support!
 •    Anonymous said... get him some professional help asap - find a therapist who specializes in adolescents on the spectrum, or a social skills group. Homeopathy can work wonders; find a CCH and get him treated asap. Do not take this lightly.
 •    Anonymous said... Good suggestions so far. I would also suggest encouraging more social interaction online. My husband is an Aspie who was not diagnosed until in his 30's but when he was a teenager he struggled immensely with in person interactions and relationships but was able to connect much easier online and this was back before the internet It may seem counterintuitive but for those with asperger's it can provide a place to belong, access to friends, and socialization in a way that is more comfortable for them which may help with the lonely depressed feeling. I also strongly agree with the suggestion to find him a therapist who works specifically with Aspies and look for a social skills group. Most importantly, remember that his way of interacting with the world may be different than yours and that there is nothing wrong with that. Make sure you are not trying to make him into the version of him you want for him - support him being who he is and what he needs to be happy. Hope that helps!
 •    Anonymous said... I would agree with Tristan. My son is 5 and if he gets too much screen time (ie. computer,tv, even Leapster) his behavior is much worse. We are working online with a Biomedical Dr named Dr. Woeller. He has given us great advice on all natural supplements for balanced behavior!
 •    Anonymous said... My 8 year old spends every available minute glued to a computer, or game console. We did not want to stop him from his one interest but were concerned that it was not healthy. He is now learning HTML programming so he can make his own web pages and hopefully he will go on to game programming later. We take him to all the conventions (comic con, Supa nova etc) as he loves to dress up as his fav game/anime characters and he even did Cosplay in front of a couple thousand people this year. I don't think taking the computer away is the answer. Sometimes they are ok but my son just gets angry, frustrated and depressed. Try engaging with them. We play games with my son online now. We play League of Legends with him and have our own mine craft server
•    Anonymous said... My aspie son helped his depression and anxiety with working out. Specifically LA Boxing workouts. Also list out his favorite non computer activities and find events related. For example my son liked yu gi oh cards so i started taking him to tournaments. Also when i limited computer time to weekends his depression and behavior improved. Best of luck. Address issues as early as you can.
 •    Anonymous said... Really my son is exactly the same, as been put down to asperges and been a teenager, he asnt been certified anything
 •    Anonymous said... similiar situation here too
 •    Anonymous said... Sounds like my son
 •    Anonymous said... This is an awesome article. It is helpful to hear someone put into words what you continue to observe but can't really understand. Thanks for posting.
 •    Anonymous said... very helpful thank you.
 •    Anonymous said... Depressed aspies need counseling. I've found that to be the best solution
•    Anonymous said... Hi my newly diagnosed daughter is 14 years old. She also plays "Sims" most of her free time for hrs. She has managed to keep one close friend from Primary School who she meets now & again. They play computer games all day when they meet up. I was just thinking whilst standing washing up a minute ago....the word isolation came in my mind. That's what I feel like as a caring parent so heaven knows how she feels. Just had an hr & half of calming her down after 2 and half hrs at her short stay medical school. She is staying there until age 16 as no other provision available at her age as starting GSCE's. She has been put on Prozac as her depression was getting so bad. It has helped lots. It enables her to socialise for about 3 hrs without meltdown or fatigue. I feel for you.....it is so hard. I am researching, reading all the time about Asperger's. My daughter has started blogging her experiences, passions etc. I hope for her to connect with othet teens with Aspergers over the internet to widen her friend base? Good luck with you son.
•    Anonymous said... I know it's not the answer for most people, or even possbile, but just over a year ago I began to home educate my daughter and the change is marked now she is not using all her 'spoons' to deal with copng with large numbers of people she can and does want to socilaize - on her own terms. she is more likely to chat on line with friends that she also meets up or has round now than play the same computer games or just watch her DVDs (and has had two major meltdowns in one year since I took her out of school), She didn't have any firends or want any and rejected fgirls that tried to befriend her while at school. Try to remember your teen is surrounded by too many noisy NTs all day and once removed from the situation will find and make friends on their own terms, so things will improve once they are older. I would also recommend 'Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers' by an Aspie teen Luke Jackson. And don't ever expect a teen with autism to ever socialize as much as NT one, they just won't want to, however many social skills workshops and classes they may have attended, their brain is just wired up differently. If they are unhappy with the situation a club or on line chat room around an interst will give then a shaed interest as a beginning to make friends.
•    Anonymous said... Like minded kids help as they're all into similar stuff like minecraft and strategy games or top trumps etc. My lad has 1 firm friend and that's enough. When I was younger I had a few friends -and that's all I wanted. The depression came from deep thought (usually depressing and confusing when you start to wonder how you were born without your own say-so ) or getting worn down with constant punishment for untidy/careless work, arguing with teachers as if you are their peer or forgetting homework/equipment (anything you think is unimportant to you rly) My own insights usually help me deal with my son apart from when I'm in the moment picking at details in an argument - Then I'm just as bad as he is ! I wonder if this rings true with anyone else.. if so maybe I should write my own book Hehe.
•    Anonymous said... Mine same but 17yr son. He only has one year of school. I'm trying to get every day filled with at least one outdoor activity. He only has a 3 day week @ school so the other days he has voluntary work for a few hours a day,
•    Anonymous said... my daughter does sims all day!!! Also depressed, nearly 13 now, very similar from what you write, we are going through tough times right now...
•    Anonymous said... My daughter is depressed.... No enthusiasm for living, for doing things or making contact with others; she must be very self critical whilst comparing herself to other girls of her age who seem to be living without a care... at times she stays in her bed playing on ipad.. just like the other Aspies. So sad to watch.   
 •    Anonymous said... Do your research and find a social skill activity program. Have him volunteer. Limit the video time, offer comic books or graphic novels as an alternative.
•    Anonymous said... Find a HFA support group where he can connect with kids like him. My 8 year old has the same issue. If we let him he would play video games all day but we have him in sports. He is a diver. He still struggles with social aspects but he is learning! Get him out and sooner the better
•    Anonymous said... I have the exact same issue with my 16 year old son. He doesn't accept his diagnosis, never has, and there is no way he would let me take him to a social group of similar kids..ughh
•    Anonymous said... My almost 16yr old is/was exactly the same (except now works instead of school).. Went through months of deep depression , is only coming out of it now.. I think backing off too much pressure helped my son ALOT, he also did not want to join social groups/outings still doesn't. It breaks your heart as a mum to watch them sit in their room or on computer with no friends, but to be honest, he tells me he is happier doing that than being forced out being made to be sociable. I think they all eventually find their feet, grow into their own skin, however you want to put it.. But by me always showing I was there for him and as said previously, taking the pressure off him, he is beginning to show signs of being happy once again . If you ever need a chat, please message me, I completely understand your concern and heartbreak xx
•    Anonymous said... My son is thirteen, doesn't like sports and he also doesn't accept a label. It's a daily challenge coaxing him away from screens. In order to keep screen time, he is required to have a daily set amount of social time with the family. My son says has made many friendly connections through his video games.

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Teens on the Autism Spectrum Who "Hate Life": Tips for Parents

"My 17 y.o. son with high functioning autism is an emotional mess. He hibernates in his room playing video games, refuses to eat with the family, seems very depressed, doesn't talk to us even when he is out of his bedroom, has no friends that we are aware of. We are worried that he may even be suicidal, as he has mentioned that he 'hates life'. Where do we go from here?"

Teens with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) often struggle through their teenage years. The years from 12 to 17 are often the saddest and most difficult time for these teens. 

Here are just a few of the challenges faced by these young people:

1. A teen with HFA or AS typically does not care about adolescent fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group). They may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Males forget to shave; females don't comb their hair or follow fashion.

2. These adolescents are often more immature than their peers and may be naive when it comes to puberty and sexuality. If they have not been taught about sex, they may pick up information from pornographic material. This can lead to inappropriate behavior and touching that could land them in trouble.

3. The disorder is characterized by poor social skills. These include a lack of eye contact during conversation and body language that conveys a lack of interest. The teen years revolve around social interaction and an adolescent on the autism spectrum may be ostracized and mocked by their class mates because of their lack of social skills.
 

4. Young people with HFA and AS are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless about sex. Males can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a girl who is merely being kind, and then later face charges of stalking her. An adolescent on the autism spectrum may have a fully developed female body and no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, making her susceptible to harassment and even date rape.

5. Bullying is a big challenge in the lives of many teens with the disorder. Because of their unusual behavior, they tend to attract bullies and are less likely to report this than their peers. Moms and dads should watch out for physical signs that an adolescent is being bullied. These may include bruising and cuts. In some cases, the teen with HFA or AS may respond with violence and end up in trouble at school.

6. Depression may result from the social issues and bullying that adolescents on the spectrum commonly experience. They may feel worthless and in extreme cases, may consider suicide as an option.

7. Fashion is important to adolescents, and many of these young people have little dress sense. If they do not attempt to conform to their peers' standards, they will often be mocked and left out of social events.

8. In the teen world where everyone feels insecure, adolescents that appear different are voted off the island. Teens on the spectrum often have odd mannerisms. One adolescent talks in a loud un-modulated voice, avoids eye contact, interrupts others, violates their physical space, and steers the conversation to her favorite odd topic. Another appears willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because he is unable to share his thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, many teens with HFA and AS are too anxious to initiate social contact.

9. Many of these adolescents are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any teen popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for an HFA or AS teenager, even though she wants it more than anything else.

10. Many teens with the disorder with their average to above average IQs can sail through grammar school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with four to six teachers, instead of just one. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent or even hostile toward making special accommodations is certain. The "special needs" student now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions and noise levels, and sets of expectations.

11. Pain, loneliness and despair can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to fit in and make friends, some teens on the spectrum fall into the wrong high school crowds. Adolescents who abuse substances will use the HFA or AS teen’s naivety to get him to buy or carry drugs and liquor for their group.

12. Some teens on the spectrum remain stuck in a grammar school clothes and hobbies instead of moving into adolescent concerns like dating. Males with the disorder often have no motor coordination. This leaves them out of high school sports, typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship.
 

13. Teens with an autism spectrum disorder, with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials, face similar academic problems as students with ADD. A high school term paper or a science fair project becomes impossible to manage because no one has taught the teenager how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on an HFA or AS adolescent can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll him in special education at this late point in his educational career.

14. The teen years are more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems outlined above might mean that the adolescent becomes emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums reappear. Males often act up by physically attacking a teacher or peer. They may experience "melt down" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to cars, drugs and alcohol.
 
If moms and dads are aware of potential problems, they can help their teenager by providing solutions that will help him to cope. Many of these can be implemented in pre-adolescent years and will prepare the adolescent to manage better during their adolescent years.




Here are some suggestions:

• Adolescent fashion sense can be improved by taking the adolescent into a store for a makeover. Alternatively, look for a group of females at school that would be willing to teach the adolescent how to dress, groom themselves and mix and match clothing and accessories. Although people should not be judged by what they wear, it helps an adolescent to find acceptance if they have the right clothing and labels in their wardrobes.

• Specialized drama classes can help adolescents with HFA and AS to learn appropriate body language and understand how to listen, speak and act.

• Pets can become a valued companion to these adolescents. Dogs in particular are accepting and loving and are generally relaxed around people with the disorder. While it is important for adolescents to work on human relationships, a pet can be a source of comfort and love.

• Internet friends can be good so long as the situation is monitored by parents. Adolescents on the spectrum are often naive and vulnerable to inappropriate advances. Internet interaction, however, has a number of benefits if it is handled properly. The adolescent is not hampered by their body language and lack of eye contact when chatting online and they can build some strong friendships.

• Alternative friends groups can be of great benefit to these adolescents, and can often be arranged by their school. The basis of this idea is to assemble a group of like-minded adolescents who have a common interest such as computers, astronomy or electronics. These adolescents can function as a club or simply spend time together enjoying their hobby.

If your son shows the following symptoms, it's safe to say he is indeed depressed:
  • Eating or sleeping habits have changed
  • Grades have dropped, or is he finding it difficult to concentrate
  • Has been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks
  • Has had thoughts of suicide
  • Has lost interest in things that he used to really enjoy
  • Has very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything
  • Is feeling worthless, hopeless about the  future, or guilty about things that aren’t his fault

If this sounds like your son, it’s important you have him evaluated by a mental health professional.

Adolescent years can be trying for parents and teens. This is especially so when adolescents with an autism spectrum disorder are struggling with the extra issues that are part of their condition. While the disorder can't be cured, there are a number of effective ways to improve the life of an adolescent who is suffering at the hands of their peers.

By

Help for Depressed Teens on the Autism Spectrum

"The older my teenage son gets, the more depressed he seems to be. I think something may be going on at school that he is hiding from us (perhaps not getting the acceptance from his 'friends' that he wants to like him - IDK). Any suggestions? Anyone else have a teen with ASD who seems depressed 24/7?"

Teens with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are particularly vulnerable to mental health problems (e.g., depression, anxiety). One study found that 65% of their sample of patients with AS presented with symptoms of a psychiatric disorder. However, the inability of AS and HFA teens to communicate feelings of distress can also mean that it is often very difficult to diagnose depression.

Likewise, because of their impairment in non-verbal expression, they may not appear to be depressed. This can mean that it is not until depression is well developed that it is recognized (e.g., in the form of aggression, alcoholism/drug abuse, increased obsessional behavior, paranoia, refusal to go to school/work/college, refusal to leave home, threatened/attempted/actual suicide, and total withdrawal).



In addition, teens with AS or HFA leaving home and going to college frequently report feelings of depression. As one young man said, "I had to deal with anger, frustration, and depression that I had been keeping inside since high school."

Depression in these young people is often related to a growing awareness of their disorder, a sense of being different from their friends, and an inability to form relationships or take part in social activities successfully. Personal accounts by AS and HFA teens frequently refer to attempts to make friends, but with little success. One teen stated, "I just did not know the rules of what you were and were not supposed to do."

Some of these “special needs” teenagers have even been accused of harassment in their attempts to socialize, which only adds to their depression and anxiety. Rodney, a 19-year-old with AS had this to say: "I did not know how to approach girls and ask them to go out with me. I would just walk up and talk to them, whether they wanted to talk to me or not. Some accused me of harassment, but I thought that was the way everybody did it." The difficulties AS and HFA teens have with personal space can compound this sort of problem (e.g., they may stand too close or too far from the person they are talking to).

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Negative childhood experiences (e.g., peer-rejection, teasing, bullying, etc.) can also result in depression, as can a history of misdiagnosis. Another possibility is that the teenager is biologically predisposed to depression.

The depression in teens on the autism spectrum resembles that of teens without the disorder, although the content may be different. For instance, it may show itself through the AS or HFA teen’s particular preoccupations and obsessions.

If parents believe their autistic teen is suffering from depression, an attempt should be made to assess his or her mental state. Symptoms to look for would include:
  • aggression
  • agitation
  • changes in appetite (e.g., decreased appetite, weight loss, increased cravings for food, weight gain)
  • crying
  • disruptive or risky behavior
  • exaggerated self-blame or self-criticism
  • extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
  • feelings of sadness
  • feelings of worthlessness
  • fixation on past failures
  • frequent absences from school
  • frequent complaints of unexplained body aches and headaches
  • frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
  • frequent visits to the school nurse
  • guilt
  • increased time spent with special interests to the point of addiction (e.g., spending most of the day playing video games)
  • increased/decreased activity
  • insomnia or sleeping too much
  • irritability, frustration or feelings of anger, even over small matters
  • isolation
  • loss of interest in, or conflict with, family and friends
  • loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
  • neglected appearance (e.g., mismatched clothes and unkempt hair)
  • ongoing sense that life and the future are grim and bleak
  • poor school performance
  • restlessness (e.g., pacing, hand-wringing, an inability to sit still)
  • self-harm (e.g., cutting, burning, or excessive piercing or tattooing)
  • slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • the need for excessive reassurance 
  • tiredness and loss of energy
  • trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • use of alcohol or drugs
  • worsening of autistic traits (e.g., increased proportion of echolalia, the reappearance of stimming, etc.)

It can be difficult to tell the difference between depression and the normal ups-and-downs that are just part of adolescence. Talk with your teenager. Try to determine whether he or she seems capable of managing uncomfortable emotions, or if life seems overwhelming. If depression symptoms continue or begin to interfere in his or her daily functioning, talk to a mental health professional trained to work with autistic teens. Your family physician is a good place to start, or your child’s school may recommend someone.





You are your adolescent's best advocate. Here are some important tips parents can use that may help lessen the symptoms of depression in their autistic teens:

1. AS and HFA adolescents may be reluctant to seek support when life seems overwhelming. Encourage your teen to talk to a family member or other trusted adult whenever needed.

2. As long as your teen’s “special interest” (e.g., playing video games) doesn’t interfere with his normal day-to-day functioning (e.g., doing homework, completing chores, taking care of personal hygiene, having a modicum of a social life, etc.), allow him full access to this particular interest. It is most likely a great depression and anxiety reducer.

3. Create an environment where your teen can share concerns while you listen.

4. Do your part to make sure your adolescent eats regular, healthy meals.

5. Education about depression can empower your adolescent and motivate her to stick to a treatment plan.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

6. Encourage your adolescent to carefully choose obligations and commitments, and set reasonable goals. Let him know that it's OK to do less when he feels down.

7. Even if your adolescent is feeling well, make sure she continues to take medications as prescribed.

8. Even light physical activity can help reduce depression symptoms.

9. Help your adolescent plan activities by making lists or using a planner to stay organized.

10. It can benefit you and other family members to learn about your adolescent's depression and understand that it's a treatable condition.

11. Journaling may help improve mood by allowing your adolescent to express and work through pain, anger, fear or other emotions.

12. Make sure your adolescent attends appointments, even if she doesn't feel like going.

13. Many AS and HFA adolescents judge themselves when they aren't able to live up to unrealistic standards (e.g., academically, in athletics, or in appearance). Let your teen know that it's OK not to be perfect.

14. Participation in sports, school activities, or a job can help keep your adolescent focused on positive things, rather than negative feelings or behaviors.

15. Positive relationships can help boost your adolescent's confidence and stay connected with others. Encourage him to avoid relationships with peers whose attitudes or behaviors could make depression worse.

16. Sleeping well is important for all adolescents, especially those with depression. If your adolescent is having trouble sleeping, ask your physician for advice.

17. Talk to your adolescent about the changes you're observing and emphasize your unconditional support.

18. Talking with other AS or HFA adolescents facing similar challenges can help your adolescent cope. Local support groups for depression are available in many communities. Also, support groups for teens with autism spectrum disorders and depression are offered online.

19. Work with your adolescent's therapist to learn what might trigger depression symptoms. Make a plan so that you and your adolescent know what to do if symptoms get worse. Also, ask family members or friends to help watch for warning signs.

20. Your adolescent may feel like alcohol or drugs lessen depression symptoms, but in the long run, they worsen symptoms and make depression harder to treat.

If all efforts to reduce your AS or HFA teen’s depression fail to produce effective results, medication may be a good last resort. However, they do not make an impact on the primary social impairments that underlie autism spectrum disorders. As with any treatment for depression, adjustments may have to be made to find the appropriate drug and dosage for that particular teenager.

Side effects should also be monitored and effort made to ensure that the advantages of treatment outweigh the disadvantages. Also, it is important to identify the cause of the depression, which may necessitate counseling, social skills training, or meeting up with peers with similar interests and values.


By

Parenting Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum: Double Trouble?

Most experts do a great job of presenting the problems children with Asperger’s (AS) and High Functioning Autistic (HFA) face during their adolescent years, yet they offer few solutions. The years from twelve to seventeen may be the saddest and most difficult time for these young people. 

This is not true of every adolescent on the autism spectrum, though. Some do extremely well. Their indifference to what others think makes them indifferent to the intense peer pressure of adolescence. They can flourish within their specialty, and become accomplished musicians, historians, mathematicians, etc.

"Special needs" adolescents typically become more isolated socially during a period when they crave friendships and inclusion more than ever. In the cruel world of middle and high school, AS and HFA teens often face rejection, isolation and bullying. Meanwhile, school becomes more demanding in a period when they have to compete for college placements. Issues of sexuality and a desire for independence from moms and dads create even more problems.




Common issues to consider include:

Criminal Activity— Pain, loneliness and despair can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to fit in and make friends, some AS and HFA teens fall into the wrong high school crowds. Adolescents who abuse substances will use the AS or HFA teen’s naivety to get him to buy or carry drugs and liquor for their group. If cornered by a police officer, a teenager on the autism spectrum usually does not have the skill to answer the officer’s questions appropriately. For example, if the officer says, “Do you know how fast you were driving?” a teenager on the spectrum may reply bluntly, “Yes,” and thus appears to be a smart-aleck.

Depression and Acting Out— The teenage years are more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems outlined above might mean that an AS or HFA adolescent becomes emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums reappear. Boys often act up by physically attacking a teacher or peer. They may experience “melt down” at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to cars, drugs and alcohol. The “saddest and most difficult time” can overwhelm not only the AS or HFA adolescent, but also his family.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Inability to “Be an Adolescent”— An AS or HFA teen typically does not care about adolescent fads and clothing styles - concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group. These teens may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Boys forget to shave; girls don't comb their hair or follow fashion. Some remain stuck in a grammar school clothes and hobbies such as unicorns and Legos, instead of moving into adolescent concerns like Facebook and dating. Boys on the autism spectrum often have no motor coordination. This leaves them out of high school sports, typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship.

School Failures— Many AS and HFA teens with their average to above average IQs can sail through grammar school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with four to six teachers, instead of just one. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent or even hostile toward making special accommodations is certain. The AS or HFA student now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions and noise levels, and sets of expectations. AS and HFA teens with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials face similar academic problems as students with Attention Deficit Disorder. A high school term paper or a science fair project becomes impossible to manage because no one has taught the AS or HFA teen how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on the adolescent can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll him in special education at this late point in his educational career.

Sexual Issues— Adolescents on the spectrum are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless about sex. Boys can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a girl who is merely being kind, and then later face charges of stalking her. An AS or HFA adolescent may have a fully developed female body and no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, making her susceptible to harassment and even date rape.

Social Isolation— In the teenage world where everyone feels insecure, adolescents that appear different are voted off the island. AS and HFA teens often have odd mannerisms. One adolescent talks in a loud un-modulated voice, avoids eye contact, interrupts others, violates their physical space, and steers the conversation to her favorite odd topic. Another appears willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because he is unable to share his thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, many are too anxious to initiate social contact. Many \ adolescents on the spectrum are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any teenage popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for an AS or HFA teenager, even though she wants it more than anything else. One girl ended a close friendship with this note: “Your expectations exhaust me. The phone calls, the girl talks, all your feelings...it's just too much for me. I can't take it anymore.”




How Moms and Dads Can Help Adolescents with Asperger’s and High Functioning Autism—

Moms and dads of adolescents on the autism spectrum face many problems that others moms and dads do not. Time is running out for teaching their “special needs” teenager how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, “There's so little time, and so much left to do.” They face issues such as vocational training, teaching independent living, and providing lifetime financial support for their child, if necessary.

Meanwhile, their immature teen is often indifferent or even hostile to these concerns. Once an AS or HFA child enters the teen years, his mom and dad have to use reasoning and negotiation, instead of providing direction. Like all teenagers, he is harder to control and less likely to listen to his moms and dads. He may be tired of parents nagging him to look people in their eyes, brush his teeth, and wake up in time for school. He may hate school because he is dealing with social ostracism or academic failure there.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers & High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Here are some ways that moms and dads of adolescents with AS and HFA deal with common issues:

Appearance— Because of their sensitivity to textures, AS and HFA teens often wear the same clothes day in and day out. This is unacceptable in middle or high school. One idea that has worked for some moms and dads is to find an adolescent of the same age and sex as yours, and then enlist that person help you choose clothes that will enable your child to blend in with other adolescents. Insist that your adolescent practices good hygiene every day.

Driving— Most AS and HFA teens can learn to drive, but their process may take longer because of their poor motor coordination. Once they learn a set of rules, they are likely to follow them to the letter - a trait that helps in driving. However, they may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road. Have your child carry a cell phone and give him a printed card that explains AS and HFA. Teach him to give the card to a police officer and phone you in a crisis.

Drugs and Alcohol— Alcoholic drinks or drugs often react adversely with your child’s prescriptions, so you have to teach your child about these dangers. Since most AS and HFA teens are very rule-oriented, try emphasizing that drugs and alcohol are illegal.

Life after High School— If your adolescent is college-bound, you have to prepare her for the experience. You can plan a trip to the campus, and show her where to buy books, where the health services are, and so forth. Teach her how to handle everyday problems such as “Where do you buy deodorant?” “What if you oversleep and miss a class?” As you prepare your adolescent for the workforce, keep in mind that people with AS and HFA often do not understand office politics. They have problems with the basics, such as handling criticism, controlling emotions, showing up on time, and working with the public. This does not mean they cannot hold down a job. Once they master certain aspects of employment, these young people are often able to work at high levels as accountants, research scientists, computer programmers, and so forth.

School— If the pressure on your child to conform is too great, if she faces constant harassment and rejection, if your principal and teaching staff do not cooperate with you, it may be time to find another school. The adolescent years are often when many moms and dads decide it is in their child’s best interest to enter special education or a therapeutic boarding school. In a boarding school, professionals guide your child academically and socially on a twenty-four-hour basis. They do not allow boys to isolate themselves with video games - everyone has to participate in social activities. A counseling staff helps with college placements. If you decide to work within a public-school system, you may have to hire a lawyer to get needed services. Your child should have an Individual Education Plan and accommodations for the learning disabled. This may mean placement in small classes, tutors, and special arrangements for gym and lunchtime. He should receive extra time for college board examinations. Teach your child to find a “safe place” at school where he can share emotions with a trusted professional. The safe place may be the offices of school nurse, guidance counselor, or psychologist.

Sex— You absolutely have to teach your “special needs” adolescent about sex. You will not be able to “talk around” the issue: you will have to be specific and detailed about safe sex, and teach your child to tell you about inappropriate touching by others. Your child may need remedial “sex education.” For example, a girl needs to understand she is too old to sit on laps or give hugs to strangers. A boy might have to learn to close toilet stall doors and masturbate only in private.

Social Life— When she was little, you could arrange play dates for her. Now you have to teach her how to initiate contact with others. Teach her how to leave phone messages and arrange details of social contacts such as transportation. Encourage her to join high school clubs like chess or drama. It is not necessary to tell her peers that she has a disorder - let her do that herself. Many adolescents on the autism spectrum are enjoying each other's company through Internet chat rooms, forums and message boards.

Summer and Part-Time Jobs— Most of these jobs - movie usher, fast food worker, store clerk, etc. - involve interaction with the public. This means they are not always a good fit for an adolescent with the disorder. Some AS and HFA teens can find work in their field of special interest, or in jobs that have little interpersonal interaction. Other adolescents have spent joyful summers at camps designed for adolescents like them.
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