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Dual Diagnosis in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

“Is it common for children with asperger’s or high functioning autism to also have oppositional defiant disorder?”

While it is common for many children and teens on the autism spectrum to exhibit some of the traits of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), only about 10% of these young people actually have an ODD diagnosis.

ODD often occurs with other behavioral and mental health conditions (e.g., Autism and ADHD). In fact, it has been estimated that over 50% of the kids suffering from ODD are also suffers of some other disorder. There are plenty of other conditions that are more common in kids suffering from ODD with the majority of these centering around pronounced learning difficulties.

ODD is often diagnosed when the youngster with Asperger's (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is in his or her teenage years. The symptoms, which vary in severity, include being irritated and annoyed by authority figures, which in turn leads to them becoming uncooperative and generally defiant.

Experts suggest that ODD affects around 10% of kids on the autism spectrum. ODD will be diagnosed by a specialist when the youngster has displayed a persistent pattern of disobedience towards authority figures (i.e., parents, teachers, etc.).
 
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Diagnosing conditions like ODD is actually quite difficult. However, you can use the list of symptoms below as a starting point. The ODD child:
  • speaks to others in a hateful manner
  • refuses to do anything when asked
  • is argumentative with adults
  • displays touchy, or irritable tendencies
  • displays persistent and prolonged tantrums
  • displays of defiance
  • deliberately tries to upset his or her peers
  • blames others for his or her own mistakes
  • appears to often be angry or irritable

Just because a youngster with AS or HFA is acting up doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she has ODD. It’s perfectly normal for all young people – including those on the spectrum – to test the boundaries, especially at the ages of 2 to 3, and during the teenage years. This is normally nothing to worry about as most of these children will grow out of it eventually.

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

There are a number of things that parents can do to successfully parent a youngster diagnosed with both AS or HFA - and ODD. Here are just a few tips:

1. You have to show that you are in control. Although kids with ODD have a lack of respect for authority figures, you must retain control. Create a "rules contract" to help with this. Write down your expectations on paper. This works because it is a more “formal system,” which the youngster may respond to since it is similar to the way he or she is managed at school. This contract will also help these young people realize that they are responsible for what they do. They need to learn that there are consequences for their actions. Once ODD is diagnosed, at least you know the reason behind the defiant behavior. You can also look into treatment options and therapy with your doctor’s advice.

2. If you are particularly concerned about your youngster, then you might want to take him or her to see
your family doctor. If the doctor is concerned that your youngster is presenting significant symptoms of ODD, then he will refer you to a psychiatrist who is familiar with young people that have such behavioral problems.

3. Too many moms and dads do not have the necessary tools to deal with ODD. They will normally react (rather than respond) when their youngster starts showing defiance by (a) giving in, (b) threatening, (c) yelling, or (d) negotiating. This isn’t the ideal thing to do, because you are showing your son or daughter that he or she can get what they want by behaving in an unacceptable manner.

4. Always deal with your youngster in a calm manner – no matter how frustrated you may be at the time.

5. Introduce rules, rewards and consequences to create wanted behaviors and reduce unwanted ones. A strongly defined structured environment will go a long way in preventing defiant behavior, or managing it if it should appear.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

6. When the youngster does something right, praise that behavior and reinforce what he or she has done. Whenever your youngster does something for you, be sure to let him or her know that you are grateful.

7. You no doubt know that kids on the spectrum need structure. The problem is that it can be difficult to decide on the right type of structure. Regular parenting techniques (e.g., time-outs, grounding) often don’t work with Asperger/ODD kids, because they will often simply use the time to plot some sort of revenge.

8. Carefully pick your battles – you can’t possibly win every one! Make sure that you pick the ones you can win, and then make sure that you DO win them.

9. ONLY talk over problems when your defiant youngster when he or she is calm.

10. NEVER give in to temptation and join in with the shouting. A "shouting match" always puts the ODD child in a one-up position relative to the parent.

11. Don't offer "false rewards" that are just intended to make your youngster feel better. Rewards that are given for the sole purpose of getting the child to calm down and act right will have worse repercussions in the long run – guaranteed!

12. Even though I mentioned “rewards” earlier, understand that rewards for observed positive behavior are the best way to deal with the ODD child.

==> More parenting methods for dealing with oppositional, defiant behavior in kids on the autism spectrum...

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


 PARENTS' COMMENTS:

* Anonymous said... My 10 year old daughter has both, but as she ages, her temper gets calmer and she hasn't slammed a door in two years!!
* Anonymous said... We switched to gluten free diet. Her fits are almost none!
•    Anonymous said...Sometimes these discussions drive me crazy. especially when very revelvant age appropriate behaviours are blamed on our kids DX. Our kids might not proces all things the same but they can be taught. My 9 boy is mouthing off at present, thinks he is 16 and the boss and is pretty disrespectful. so are most of the 9 yo NT boys at his school. the only difference is that its taking jax and myself a very pain staking process to get to understand what is his business and what isnt and what is called disrespectful. many dx to do with behavioural issues that dont have specific proving (ADHD does) are more for the parent then the child. I dont mind if you have a go at me. lets just look at behaviours according to were a child is at, what they might be able to process or express.
•    Anonymous said...Yes Mine sure has ODD!
•    Anonymous said...Yes My son is ADHD, Aspergers, Mood Disorder NOS, ODD and insomnia. Recently his psychiatrist removed the ODD because he believe's that my son is not "defiant". He believes that my son's "defiance" is triggered by things that bother him because of his Aspergers such as, change in routine, over stimulation and from being so tired from his insomnia.
•    Anonymous said...Yes My son was diagnosed at 4 with ADHD and ODD and at 9 he got the Asperger diagnosis.
•    Anonymous said...Yes The Autism Discussion Page on FB is a wealth of information as well. I love the Parenting Asperger's Children page too.
•    Anonymous said...Yes The more I dealt with all of this with my own daughter, the more I realized all these labels are just that; fancy designations slapped onto observed behaviors. They don't necessarily indicate there's a specific "cure" (such as a medication) for the issue, or even a single "right" way to deal with it. In that sense, I agree that ODD is a "B.S. diagnosis". The opposition and/or the defiance is observable and real ... but those are just normal human responses to what happens around them and to them. Why does ANYONE behave this way? Usually, it's a defense mechanism of some sort.
•    Anonymous said...Yes V.S. Ramachandran and other prominent neuroscientists say that ODD is a b.s. diagnosis: look for the processing and/or anxiety issue underlying the behavior, rather than claiming opposition and defiance constitute a disorder in themselves.
•    Anonymous said...Yes We talk it out also when situations come up Lori. We try to 1) see if the situation really warranted the reaction. 2) What could we do differently the next time the situation arises. 3) What kind of outcome do we expect with our behavior? Do we want a positive reaction or a negative one? I try to get my son to see that everything he does has a consequence, be it positive or negative(That is what our therapist has suggested.) We role play to show the positive and negative solutions of certain behaviors ie anger/rage usually will have a negative reaction with people whereas if we can be calm and deal with the situation without yelling we can have a positive resolution. It is a slow process though.
•    Anonymous said...Yes Yes our Boy has a combo of everything!
•    Anonymous said...Yes YES! I just recently figured out that this is what my 9 year old daughter has, in addition to AS. We are having a lot of issues with her rage, and violence. ANY suggestions?? I would LOVE to hear. She is so smart, it makes it difficult to discipline her. Nothing seems to matter to her.
•    Anonymous said...Yes Yes. ASD in general has many other things that occur - ODD, ADD, ADHD, OCD, etc. It's different for every child. My 13 yr old is a rager as well Monica. He has gotten better as he matures but still struggles with things that us NTs could care less about. What I have read and heard from other Psychologists is that Their brains are so emotionally centered (especially in the heat of the moment) that their rational side doesn't work until after the meltdown/rage. They can train their brain to work more rationally but it takes work. My son is working with his Psychologist using role play to 1) Figure out if the situation is Fight or Flight (worth the energy to fight with words/fists or not) 2) Figure out the consequences of the first decision. 3) Act - which sometimes means going back to #1. NTs do this figuring unconsciously, ASD brains do not. At home, we talk through situations as they come up with the same 1, 2, 3 idea as he is getting agitated. The more you help guide them to the more accepted response, the better they will behave when not around you (School, etc). The most important thing I think is to make sure they understand that their emotions are valid, even if you personally don't agree with their feelings at the time. They need to feel understood, appreciated, and SAFE. Listen to their reasoning and then guide them to the more acceptable response.
•    Anonymous said...Yes, I have 2 with Aspies and ODD

Post your comment below…

By

Angry Outbursts in Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum

Question

My son is 13 years old; he has been previously diagnosed with high functioning autism, adhd and obsessive compulsive disorder. My son lived with his father for six months while I recovered from a nervous breakdown. When I got custody of him again he was very aggressive, would hit his 6 year old brother and call him names and put him down. My ex gave him no discipline from what I gather from my son, he told me he had to raise his six year old brother for them six months. He blames me for the divorce between me and his father. I have bipolar and he doesn’t seem to understand that I am different too and that I need him to cooperate and help me as much as possible. He’s too focused on his ocd, his adhd and his autism and he uses all of these things for an excuse for all of the negative behaviors he is having.

In the last past year he has changed 3 schools, and moved to a new area, which he says he hates. I’m wondering if he will adjust to the new setting and new rules that I have for him. I think some of it is the teenage years; he uses profanity often and shows aggression to get his way no matter what the consequences. I want to help my son but I don’t know what to do. His brother is totally opposite; he does what I tell him and goes by all of the rules.

How do I get my son to show me respect and work on his attitude without so many angry outbursts which could get me evicted from our apartment? I go with the flow to keep things as quiet as possible but things get worse, if I threaten to take his games he threatens and has went as far as walking out of the door leaving me to find him. Am I dealing with autism, Adhd, compulsive disorder or just an unruly teenager? I think it is all of them. I was wondering if there is an autism training center that could come in and work with my son. I am desperate at this point and will do anything to help my child to stay on the right track, I worry that he is headed for suicide or prison. I am very concerned for him, he’s happy as long as I cater to him, but when I stand up for what I think is right he rebels and I pay dearly. Please help.

Answer

Parents of High-Functioning Autistic (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) children/teens will face many behavior problems (e.g., aggression and violent behavior, anger, depression, and many other problematic behaviors). Part of the problem stems from (a) the conflict between longings for social contact and (b) an inability to be social in ways that attract friendships and relationships.
 

HFA and AS adolescents possess a unique set of attitudes and behaviors:
  • Adolescents with the disorder tend to be physically and socially awkward, which makes them a frequent target of school bullies. Low self-esteem caused by being rejected and outcast by peers often makes these adolescents even more susceptible to “acting-out” behaviors at home and school.
  • These teenagers rely on routine to provide a sense of control and predictability in their lives. Another characteristic of the disorder is the development of special interests that are unusual in focus or intensity. These young people may become so obsessed with their particular areas of interest that they get upset and angry when something or someone interrupts their schedule or activity.
  • Adolescents on the autism spectrum often suffer from “mindblindness,” which means they have difficulty understanding the emotions others are trying to convey through facial expressions and body language. The problem isn’t that adolescents with Aspergers can’t feel emotion, but that they have trouble expressing their own emotions and understanding the feelings of others. “Mindblindness” often give parents the impression that their HFA or AS teen is insensitive, selfish and uncaring.
  • They can be extremely sensitive to loud noise, strong smells and bright lights. This can be a challenge in relationships as adolescents on the spectrum may be limited in where they can go on, how well they can tolerate the environment, and how receptive they are to instruction from parents and teachers.
  • Social conventions are a confusing maze for adolescents with the disorder. They can be disarmingly concise and to the point, and may take jokes and exaggerations literally. Because they struggle to interpret figures of speech and tones of voice that “neuro-typicals” naturally pick up on, they may have difficulty engaging in a two-way conversation. As a result, they may end up fixating on their own interests and ignoring the interests and opinions of others.

Focus on prevention and on helping your son to develop communication skills and develop a healthy self-esteem. These things can create the ability to develop relationships and friendships, lessening the chances of having issues with anger.

Anger is often prevalent in HFA and AS when rituals can't get accomplished or when the teen's need for order or symmetry can't be met. Frustration (over little things that usually don't bother others) can lead to anger and sometimes violent outbursts. This kind of anger is best handled through cognitive-behavioral therapy that focuses on maintaining control in spite of the frustration of not having their needs met.

Rest assured, communication skills and friendship skills can be taught to teens (and even adults) on the spectrum, which can eliminate some of the social isolation they feel. This can avert or reverse many anger control issues.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...


PARENTS'  COMMENTS:

*   Anonymous said... I'd like to say to you this. My son has Aspergers/Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He too present with anger, negativity and outbursts with authority figures. One thing I learned early on, NEVER walk on broken glass waiting to get cut! Never let things go with ease to avaoid a melt down. Set clear limits he understands with clear consequences he also understands. Get your child the help hhe needs NOW before it's too late with the laws in your State. Many parents of Spectrum children do not understand the Laws that protect the child and hinder the parents. As with my son, at the age of 14 in our State children have the RIGHT to not participate in therapy of any sort including Mental Health Services. If and when your child is made aware of the Laws you should be prepared as we were not as we did not even know the Law existed. My son is as I've said now 17. He is reminded daily that no matter what his diagnosis are, he is bound by the same laws as the rest of the world. Dealing with anger outbursts are horrifying to say the least. It takes a toll on your entire family dynamics. Having a younger child watch this behavior will lead them to issues with outbursts as well. I also have a 7 yr old who learns from his brothers behavior. We do the same, set limits, make rules and make consequences clearly understood and FOLLOW THROUGH! NEVER let your guilt for the diagnosis to interfere with following through! This will by far be your biggest mistake. For yourself, establish a support system, keep time for yourself, try to stay positive at all times and again use your support system. If and when violence erupts, call the police to intervene and make sure they are aware of the diagnosis before they arrive for it can cause a bigger problem as well as a negative outcome all around.
 
•    Anonymous said… Communication is hard and understanding is wanted. Those that act out are in pain themselves..
 
•    Anonymous said… I have been dealing with this for 16 years. Therapy is a on going process. If the behavior is out of control. I would suggest a inpatient treatment facility. This will allow for continued therapy and behavior modification. Trust me.. I know this well. You are not along.
 
•    Anonymous said… I know this comment may sound soft and shallow, but believe me, as a single parent of an autistic/Asperger's son prone to violent outbursts just like the rest of you, all I can offer is for you the parent to take care of yourself. For me it was Transcendental Meditation. It calms me like nothing else and for some bizarre reason it calms my son, even though he's not the one meditating. I'm not affiliated and not trying to pitch them, but you need to do something CALMING for yourself. Every child is different and requires a unique strategy to cope, and so does every parent. Bless everyone here and let's try to keep our heads and hearts clear.
 
•    Anonymous said… Well i give my son 1 for being good and its been working i got him on ssi and he had outbursts 3 times before i decided this and i took one day at a time and for 5 days my son been good no outbursts and i give him options too like if he cant do something for a example my son he wanted to go yesterday to dollar General i said play on ur phone or color or drawl or eat popsicle something to distract him from what he wants til u can do it when ur ready . Take 1day at a time and be calm with him at all times i just started this 2 months ago and im handling it pretty well and he has asperger's and odd so i understand
 
•    Anonymous said… Wow! My son is 15 and this is my life right now, although luckily without the physical aggression. I have to admit it is nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with these severe behavior issues!
 
•    Anonymous said… your beautiful boy sounds like my 8yr old grand son , but these kids live in a completely different world to ours they like to do what they do eat what they eat and if left alone they survive just as well as if we never said a word the more we tell them and yell the worse they get .I have seen the outbursts and man its scary .
 
*     Anonymous said... Not enough focus on reaching out to others on the spectrum, other teens getting together. Organized by the supports already in place to have purposed get togethers for the teens. They just don't cut it , in high school. Highschool is a dead bully zone. Kids there are mean mean mean, if anyone is a bit 'off' they can make their life miserable, too miserable. I would not have my kid enter high school at all, and focus on get togethers with other aspergers kids, and just do it that way, engaging them in activities in the community.

*     Anonymous said...I really dont know what to do my 12 year old shouts at me and says the most horrible things most days and calls me and her sister names im a single mum of 3 and finding it hard to cope ive asked for help since she was 4 and no one does anything she has no therapy and we have no help at all just me because while at school etc she wants to be the same as everyone else she tells them shes fine and the works ok but what she does is bottle all her anxieties frustrations things that havent gone as shes wanted all day etc and lets rip at me when she gest home if something isnt how she wants or she cant have what she wants or things dont go as she expects she has meltdowns that can last hours ive said i will speak to school to see if there is anything they can do to help us she said if i speak to school or anyone else about her shes going to tell them i hit and hurt her i dont do either but do have to hold her when in meltdown to prevent her hurting herself me or someone else or damaging property until shes in either a safer place or calms down i have had a dislocated shoulder a torn rotary cuff in my shoulder which needed surgery to repair and still has limited movement shes broken 3 of my toes and i often end up bruised and sore muscles i have health conditions that mean the above and stress makes me really poorly she knows this but in meltdown does not care at all i do not hit h.  Id stayed out on sat nt my mum had her for the night so i could have a day/nt off her nanna treated her to sweets her favourote programme then on the way home took her clothes shopping she had a good time id been home 10 min and she'd reduced me to tears with shouting at me and calling me names and i got up this morning to the same today i really dont know what to do im so tired and drain from it all ���� im worried about what her future will be

Please post your comment below…

By

Self-Test: Does Your Child on the Autism Spectrum Have a Learning Disability?

“I think my son with autism (high functioning) may have a learning disability. How can I know for sure? And what should I do about it?”

Many kids with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism have difficulty with writing, reading comprehension, or other learning-related tasks, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they have a learning disability. A youngster with a learning disability often has several related signs, which persist over time. The signs of a disability vary from child to child.

Each learning disability has its own signs. Also, not every child with a particular disability will have ALL of the signs. Common indicators include:
  • Difficulty finding the right way to say something
  • Difficulty listening well
  • Difficulty remembering
  • Difficulty staying on task (i.e., easily distracted)
  • Difficulty with concepts related to time
  • Difficulty with reading and/or writing
  • Immature way of speaking
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Inappropriate responses in school or social situations
  • Inconsistent school performance
  • Poor coordination
  • Problems paying attention
  • Problems staying organized
  • Problems understanding words or concepts
  • Problems with math skills
  • Trouble following directions

Here are some common learning disabilities and the signs associated with them:

Dyspraxia—

A child with dyspraxia has problems with motor tasks (e.g., hand-eye coordination) that can interfere with learning. Other symptoms of dyspraxia include:
  • Trouble with tasks that require hand-eye coordination (e.g., coloring within the lines, assembling puzzles, cutting precisely, etc.)
  • Sensitivity to touch (e.g., irritation over certain clothing textures)
  • Sensitivity to loud and/or repetitive noises (e.g., ticking of a clock)
  • Problems organizing oneself and one's things
  • Poor balance
  • Breaking things

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Dysgraphia—

Dysgraphia is characterized by problems with writing, which cause a youngster to be tense and awkward when holding a pen or pencil to the extent of contorting his body. The youngster with very poor handwriting that he does not outgrow may have dysgraphia. Other signs of Dysgraphia include:
  • Trouble writing down thoughts in a logical sequence
  • Trouble writing down ideas
  • Saying words out loud while writing
  • Problems with grammar
  • Leaving words unfinished or omitting them when writing sentences
  • A strong dislike of writing 
  • A quick loss of interest while writing

Dyscalculia—

Signs of this disorder include problems understanding basic math concepts (e.g., fractions, number lines, positive and negative numbers, etc.). Other symptoms include:
  • Trouble with understanding the time sequence of events
  • Trouble recognizing logical information sequences (e.g., steps in math problems)
  • Trouble making change in cash transactions
  • Messiness in putting math problems on paper
  • Difficulty with verbally describing math processes
  • Difficulty with math-related word problems



Dyslexia—

Children with dyslexia usually have trouble making the connections between letters and sounds. They also have difficulty with spelling and recognizing words. Other signs include:
  • Trouble learning foreign languages
  • Trouble distinguishing left from right
  • Slowness in learning songs and rhymes
  • Slow reading
  • Poor spelling
  • Poor self-expression (e.g., saying "thing" or "stuff" for words not recalled)
  • Giving up on longer reading tasks
  • Failure to fully understand what others are saying
  • Difficulty understanding questions and following directions
  • Difficulty recalling numbers in sequence (e.g., telephone numbers and addresses)
  • Difficulty organizing written and spoken language
  • Difficulty learning new vocabulary (either through hearing or reading)
  • Delayed ability to speak

30 - 50 % of children with ADHD have a learning disability. The reverse is true, too. 30 – 50 % with a learning disability have ADHD. If a youngster has been diagnosed with ADHD and continues to have problems academically, he or she may a learning disability.

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Below is a self-test that will give parents clues about whether or not their youngster has a learning disability.

Preschool:
  • My youngster has problems with remembering routines, information, and multiple instructions.
  • My youngster has poor physical coordination and uneven motor development (e.g., delays in learning to run, color, use scissors, etc.).
  • My youngster has delays in socialization (e.g., playing with - and responding to - his peer group).
  • My youngster has communication problems (e.g., slow language development, difficulty with speech).
  • He finds it hard to understand what is being said or communicating his thoughts to others.



Kindergarten to 4th Grade:
  • My youngster loses work she has done or forgets to turn it into the educator.
  • My youngster is challenged when it comes to doing math.
  • My youngster has trouble with reading comprehension.
  • She has problems forming letters and numbers.
  • She has problems with basic spelling and grammar.
  • My youngster has trouble understanding oral instructions.
  • He has difficulty expressing himself verbally.
  • My youngster has trouble organizing information, materials (e.g., notebook, binder, papers), and concepts.
  • My youngster has trouble blending sounds and letters to sound out words.
  • She has trouble remembering familiar words by sight.
  • My youngster has problems with rapid letter recognition and with learning phonemes (i.e., individual units of sound).
  • He has difficulty remembering facts.

5th and 6th Grades:
  • My youngster finds it hard to stay organized in school.
  • He loses personal belongings, papers, assignments, or forgets to turn them in.
  • My youngster has difficulty learning new math concepts and successfully applying them.
  • She has difficulty organizing her thoughts for written work.
  • My youngster is challenged when it comes to reading material independently.
  • He has trouble retaining what he read.

Middle School: 
  • My youngster has difficulty with time management, organization, and developing learning strategies.
  • My youngster has trouble retaining what was read (i.e., reading fluency).
  • He has difficulty organizing and writing answers on papers and tests (i.e., writing fluency).
  • He has problems mastering more advanced math concepts.

High School:
  • My youngster has increased difficulty with time planning and organization as more independent work is expected.
  • My youngster has increased difficulty with writing papers, reading assignments, and understanding math concepts.

If parents agree with a majority of the statements above, they should discuss their concerns with their child’s educator(s). Most public schools use a 3-tier model for evaluation:
  1. The educator observes the youngster. If she or he agrees with the parent’s concerns, a special-education teacher will observe the youngster in class.
  2. Modified teaching strategies will be tried.
  3. If the special-education teacher agrees, a formal evaluation will be done to determine if the child has a learning disability.

If the youngster’s educator does not respond to parents’ concerns, they should speak with the principal. If the youngster is in a private school, parents are entitled to speak to the principal of the public school their youngster would have gone to and request help.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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By

Multiple Diagnoses in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"We have been to many professionals over the years to get help for our son. It seems as though each therapist or psychiatrist we see comes up with a different diagnosis. First, our son had ADHD ...then he had OCD ...then it was ODD ...now it's autism (on the high functioning end of the spectrum). Who are we to trust? Can he really have all of these disorders? Help!"

When parents seek help for their youngster with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), they encounter varied opinions from family, friends, teachers, and even professionals. For example: "he'll outgrow it" ... "leave him alone" ... "he's just being lazy" ... "he's just being defiant" ... "it's no big deal" ... "he just wants attention" ... "he's probably got ADHD" ...and so on.

Many professionals try to work with the "special needs" youngster as if his disorder is like other developmental disorders, but it is quite different. In most cases, there is a great misunderstanding by many people of the needs of kids on the autism spectrum. 

For the inexperienced, recognizing the defining characteristics of the disorder can be difficult, and misdiagnoses are quite common. This is further complicated by the fact that an HFA youngster has many of the same characteristics found in other disorders. These various characteristics are often misinterpreted, overlooked, under-emphasized, or over-emphasized. As a result, the youngster may receive many different diagnoses over time or from different professionals. 

For example, if a young person with HFA demonstrates a high degree of attention deficits and/or hyperactivity, ADHD might be the only diagnosis he receives. However, this is a common characteristic of kids on the spectrum. The same holds true if obsessive or compulsive behaviors are displayed – the youngster gets labeled with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) instead of HFA. 

The following traits are also commonly seen in those on the spectrum in varying degrees. However, just because these traits are there, it doesn't mean that the youngster should be diagnosed differently; these traits should be noted as significant features of HFA:
  • Anxiety
  • Difficulty with pragmatic language skills
  • Hyperlexia (advanced word recognition skills)
  • Motor deficits
  • Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
  • Sensory difficulties
  • Social skills deficits

Professionals who do not have much experience with autism have a hard time identifying the defining characteristics. For example, social skill deficits may be noted by a professional, but then they are often downplayed because the child or adolescent appears to be having appropriate conversations with others or seems to be interested in other people. But with an autistic child, the conversations are not generally reciprocal, so the boy or girl must be carefully observed to see whether or not there is true back-and-forth interaction. 

Also, many kids on the autism spectrum have an interest in others, but you need to clarify if the objects of their interest are age appropriate. Do they interact with peers in an age-appropriate fashion? Can they maintain friendships over a period of time or do they end as the novelty wears off? These are the types of observations and questions that must be asked in order to ensure a proper diagnosis. 

Another example of an overlooked area is the narrow routines or rituals that are supposed to be present. This does not always manifest as obsessive-compulsive behavior in the typical sense (e.g., repeated hand washing or neatness), but rather in the insistence on the need for rules about many issues and situations. These kids may not throw tantrums over their need for rules, but may require them just as much as the child who has a meltdown when a rule is violated. In essence, there is no single profile of the typical child on the spectrum.

Because of these subtleties and nuances, the single most important consideration in diagnosis is that the clinician making the initial diagnosis be familiar with Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD). They should have previously diagnosed numerous clients who fall on the spectrum.

To make a proper, initial diagnosis requires the following:
  1. It is important to include a speech and language evaluation, as those with HFA will display impairments in the pragmatics and semantics of language, despite having adequate receptive and expressive language. This will also serve to make parents aware of any unusual language patterns the youngster displays that will interfere in later social situations. Again, these oddities may not be recognized if the evaluator is not familiar with ASD.
  1. The youngster should see a neurologist or developmental pediatrician (one familiar with ASD) for a thorough neurological exam to rule out other medical conditions and to assess the need for medication. The physician may suggest additional medical testing (e.g., blood, urine, fragile X, hearing).
  1. Both parents and the "special needs" youngster should have sessions with a psychologist where the child is carefully observed to see how he responds in various situations. This is done through play or talk sessions in the psychologist's office and by discussions with both parents. The psychologist may ask parents to complete checklists or questionnaires to gain a better understanding of the youngster's behaviors at home and/or school. If the boy or girl is in school, the psychologist may call the student's teacher or ask her to complete additional checklists. The checklists or questionnaires used should be ones that are appropriate for young people on the autism spectrum. It is important to determine the IQ level of the youngster as well. An average or above-average IQ is necessary for a diagnosis of HFA.
  1. An evaluation by an occupational therapist familiar with sensory integration difficulties may provide additional and valuable information.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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COMMENT FROM A MOTHER:

My name is Kim and I am writing in regards to my daughter, Naomi, who is eleven and will be in the 5th grade. I apologize ahead of time if this becomes a bit lengthy. When Naomi was in first grade, her teacher mentioned that she thought Naomi could possibly have Asperger’s. I did some research and because Naomi shows emotions and can read emotions, I dismissed this notion Although she does misplace her emotions, laughing inappropriately a lot. However, I did at this time recognize some repetitive behaviors but thought well that’s not enough to search any further. Naomi has been in speech for language impairment (receptive and expressive) since first grade and this year was reevaluated to see if she still qualified for services. After 3 years, her scores dropped significantly. In addition, her 4th grade teacher toward the end of the school year mentioned to me she thought Naomi may have Asperger’s. The combination of these two events sent me on a tail spin. I started searching and studying and was totally astonished by what I was finding. Of course, I had a couple more years of observing more behaviors since I first looked up Asperger’s. 

I always knew Naomi was different and we have struggled for years with her but really kept most of these struggles to ourselves and close family members. I kept thinking her maturity level would get better but found this year it had seemed to plummet and my concerns for her only having one more year before middle school really hurt my heart for her. I wanted to get help this summer hoping that we could get something in place this school year to prepare her for middle school. Our family doctor referred us to a pediatric psychiatric. He spent an hour with my husband and I the first visit and the second visit was suppose to be the same for Naomi. He only spent 30 minutes with her. I think this is because she does not elaborate on anything with others, sort of like school she shuts down. I had prepared and reflected back for weeks before going and made extensive notes on behaviors we have observed. When my husband and I returned for the 3rd visit, we were told she had generalized anxiety disorder. He noticed our faces drop and said, “I can sense you are not satisfied with what I’ve said.” I didn’t want to seem unappreciated of his professional opinion but in my hearts of all hearts I know my girl and I just feel like there is more to it.

Reflections of Naomi

Very Literal-

Naomi’s uncle tells her she has grown a foot. She looks very puzzled and sadly a little scared and looks down at her feet.
I tell her that I ran into someone at the store. She replies “Oh, did you hurt them.”
I was explaining to Naomi that we would be having these appointments because her teacher felt she was having some trouble….before I could explain with her language skills, she burst out crying saying she never gets in trouble and only pulled a card one time in first grade when she didn’t know that she wasn’t suppose to look at other people’s papers.
Eye appointment-Couldn’t read the smallest line after being ask several times because she didn’t see a line on the chart.

Routine-

Naomi is compelled to dress in a certain order. She gets upset if her shoes are in the bathroom and a sibling is showering. I have worked with her and she is beginning to realize that she can eat or brush her hair while waiting on her shoes but it is like she still has this need to do it.
She knows this certain route we take to the orthodontist and if it changes she letting me know we are going the wrong way.
When she was younger she wanted us to repeat back everything she said before going to bed. After we would leave the room she would keep saying goodnight and wait and if we didn’t repeat it back she would yell it out louder. Then she would say, “see you in the morning” and wait for us to repeat. This was over and over for a long time. We would tell her she had to stop and go to bed. She would get very upset. This was every night probably for a couple of years.
This last school year for the first six weeks, Naomi would ask me every day before getting out of the van “am I a car rider today?” I would reply, “Yes, you are a car rider every day and have always been a car rider.” She has been a car rider for 4 years.
About five years ago, several family or friends passed away. Every night for at least a year she would ask me “Are you going to be here in the morning?”
Still tells me and she is 11 that she’s got to use the bathroom (it’s almost like because I told her when she was potty training: “make sure you tell me if you need to use the bathroom” that it has become ingrained into her and even if I tell her she doesn’t need to tell me anymore she can’t stop. NOT every time but still a lot of the time-and I mean at home.

Dates and Times-

If Naomi knows when any appointment is she will remind you constantly. I had to schedule her appointments so she didn’t hear because she would tell me every day or every other day for a month until that appointment time.
One teacher told me that she always would remind her about certain dates or times.
If we have company coming and she knows what time that are suppose to come and they are late; Naomi will ask every few minutes where they are at until they arrive and tension mounts the later it gets.
If the time clock at a basketball is not started or the period doesn’t get changed she gets very anxious. Once at team camp, they forgot to start the clock for 3 minutes. That was the longest 3 minutes EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! She doesn’t play sports we were watching her sister.

Emotionally-

No middle ground with Naomi
She is either extremely happy or very upset
Still cries over a bunny that died 2 years ago (sometimes not sure if she is just trying to get attention)
Laughs inappropriately a lot of the time
Very small things that seem like nothing can set her off. She could go on and on and on for an hour sometimes (having a tantrum or meltdown?).
Doesn’t want anyone to be upset with her
She worries about everybody. If someone is hurt she has lots of compassion. (if someone her daddy knows at work father dies, she will cry and she doesn’t even know them)
She cries over people on biggest loser being so over weight (she feels sorry for them)
She comes home from school upset. She will say “Mommy, I never get a card pulled.” I will tell her that’s good Naomi. She repeats and I ask her if someone got a card pulled and she starts crying. Same thing if someone gets pebbles taken out of the jar. She gets upset and tells me.
Along this same line, she tells on her brother and sister all the time for everything under the sun. If they didn’t say thank you or if they didn’t carry their dishes over to the sink or if they don’t answer when I call them she yells and tells them they need to answer me.
There was a field trip I could not attend this school year. She said the night before she couldn’t sleep because her heart was beating so hard.
Crying and throwing a fit for 30 minutes and out of the blue she starts laughing
Makes random noises a lot.
Especially when she was younger would go outside and be singing songs with words that didn’t make sense or going from one subject to another
If she is upset and you ignore she gets louder and louder (screams answer me or listen) If you answer her and it’s not what she wants to hear or she doesn’t understand the answer she keeps on and on and on

Seems to be obsessive-

List making over and over of the same thing at times even erased and rewritten over the top. List of foods. List of people at her school. People in the world. Same list over and over on different paper. I started saving and have a file folder full (This has slowed down)
When she was younger she would work the same puzzle over and over and over
Colored same picture probably 100 times would copy it over and over


Maturity level-

She talks really small (like she is 4 ) It has gotten to the point (especially at home that I am wondering if it has almost become the normal and I can’t remember her regular voice.
Fixated on princesses
Poor hygiene (not wanting to wipe) putting dirty under clothes in drawers
Wetting clothes at times
Been wearing a bra for over a year and can’t put it on correctly

Socially-

Very inward at school
If a teacher request Naomi to do errands like going to get something from the office or take something to the classroom across the hall –she will not
Doesn’t want to get in trouble at all and makes sure she tells me when she gets home if anybody else gets in trouble
Doesn’t play kickball on playground (ask her why)-she says she’s afraid she won’t understand what to do and will be embarrassed. With this being said, I really feel like she would want to deep down. Her brother and sister both play basketball and at times I think she would have liked to but she doesn’t want the coaches to yell at her and is afraid to be out in front of everybody.
All teachers have loved her and students seem to be protective especially knowing she as peanut allergy
Gets behavior awards at school
LOUD AT HOME
Hangs on to me if others approach and we are out in public
Whispers if she wants to tell me something and others are around (at a ballgame or even at her Nana’s)
Tells on everybody all the time no matter how big or how small
Gets along with children who are younger than her because they like the same things

Miscellaneous-

When Naomi was younger and I would be talking to her and the expression on her face would be as if she just didn’t get what I was saying as if it was going over her head. She will use words inappropriately (let me tell you a question) and say words that are not words
Ask her what 77 minus 1 is equal to and she is most likely will not be able to verbally tell you.
Recently, I owed her $10. Gave her a twenty and was showing her I was taking $10. She did not understand this at all. No matter how I showed her. She thought I was giving her too much. Finally, she just agreed she understood but I knew she didn’t.
She will agree a lot of the times if she doesn’t understand. This concerns me because she could easily be taken advantage of.
For two years I have had to walk to the sink at the orthodontist with Naomi (even if I am sitting 2 feet away) and finally the last few times she has gone by herself.

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 More comments:

•    Anonymous said... We often focus so much energy on finding a diagnosis that we forget at the end of the day the label does not define what our child needs or who they are. Figuring out how your going to help your child reach their maximum potential is what matters!
•    Anonymous said... They are all very similar and intertwined. I just think teaching them how to cope with the umbrella of symptoms is the most important part. They are just labels that's all. Each kid is unique and different and we as parents just need to help them along the way.
•    Anonymous said... My son has them all plus sensory disorder and he has Aspergers
•    Anonymous said... I have been through same problem. Some things you mentioned are misdiagnosed because they are similar to parts of aspergers. Main thing I keep in mind is no one knows my son better than me and just because someone has letters behind their name doesnt mean they know everything.

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HFA Teens & Angry Outbursts

My son is 13 years old; he has been previously diagnosed with high functioning autism, adhd and obsessive compulsive disorder. My son lived with his father for six months while I recovered from a nervous breakdown. When I got custody of him again he was very aggressive, would hit his 6 year old brother and call him names and put him down. My ex gave him no discipline from what I gather from my son, he told me he had to raise his six year old brother for them six months. He blames me for the divorce between me and his father. I have bipolar and he doesn’t seem to understand that I am different too and that I need him to cooperate and help me as much as possible. He’s too focused on his ocd, his adhd and his autism and he uses all of these things for an excuse for all of the negative behaviors he is having. In the last past year he has changed 3 schools, and moved to a new area, which he says he hates. I’m wondering if he will adjust to the new setting and new rules that I have for him. I think some of it is the teenage years; he uses profanity often and shows aggression to get his way no matter what the consequences. I want to help my son but I don’t know what to do. His brother is totally opposite; he does what I tell him and goes by all of the rules. How do I get my son to show me respect and work on his attitude without so many angry outbursts which could get me evicted from our apartment? I go with the flow to keep things as quiet as possible but things get worse, if I threaten to take his games he threatens and has went as far as walking out of the door leaving me to find him. Am I dealing with Aspergers, Adhd, compulsive disorder or just an unruly teenager? I think it is all of them. I was wondering if there is an autism training center that could come in and work with my son. I am desperate at this point and will do anything to help my child to stay on the right track, I worry that he is headed for suicide or prison. I am very concerned for him, he’s happy as long as I cater to him, but when I stand up for what I think is right he rebels and I pay dearly. Please help.

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Aspergers Teens and Online Gaming Obsessions

Question

Our 15y/o son has always ‘marched to his own drummer,’ we just never really had a label for it. He is very smart and the computer became his life. In November, I ended up taking his computer away because he was failing his classes (we home school and he was taking some on-line classes), he was spending too much time on-line gaming and he was very involved with an on-line gaming clan that was appearing to be a very negative influence. (He has a history of ADHD treated with meds.)

After taking away the computer he had a major meltdown and refused to eat, leave his bed, participates in school/outside activities. We didn't know what to do. Consulted with several treatment centers, none of which would work with him b/c he is not violent, not in trouble with the law and not on drugs or alcohol. We are very thankful for that, but don't want to let it get to that point.

We met with a family counselor (we have tried counseling in the past without any progress) that was recommended and just couldn't seem to get anywhere so we insisted on a psychological evaluation - there had to be something we weren't seeing. His diagnosis came back as Aspergers, Depression and ADHD. We have had a lot of lying, refusal to do his responsibilities, refusal to do his school work etc... We have had to keep all computers and internet modems under lock and key. He can ‘hack’ into any password.

We have been working with Boy's Town in our home for the past two months. They have helped me a lot by being a sounding board, but nothing with my son. Their plan consisted of a parent class of which we watched the 5 or 6 videos, filled out an answer book and now they want us to find more in-depth work for his Aspergers because they don't feel trained in that.

I feel that the intense crisis is past but now we need to help our son learn to lead a responsible, successful life. I have been reading your handout that I purchased. Now where to begin...

Answer

Obsessions are one of the hallmarks of Aspergers, High-Functioning Autism, and other Autistic Spectrum Disorders. In order to cope with the anxieties and stresses about the chaotic world around them, Aspergers teens often obsess and ritualize their behaviors to comfort themselves.

Online gaming is a very popular obsession with Aspergers. However, don’t completely forbid your son to engage in this obsession. His use of the computer can be a great bargaining chip for you (i.e., he won’t work for what you want, but he will work for what he wants – and he wants to play computer games).

Breaking an obsession is like running a war campaign. If not planned wisely, or if you attempt to fight on many fronts, you're guaranteed to fail. The real issue here is the fact that your son spent too much time playing games, which resulted in poor academic performance. This resulted in a second issue, namely, his behavior took a turn for the worse after you took his computer away. Thus, he should be able to play video games, but within limits.

To make his games less seductive, find ways to minimize your son's downtime at home, especially those times when he is alone. Maybe he would be interested in arts and crafts, theater, martial arts, bowling, swimming, or movie-making. Maybe a social-skills group would be a good idea. Maybe he could join a youth group at your church or synagogue. Help your son find some activity that he likes and a place where he can do it.

Children with Aspergers and ADHD often lack the "internal controls" needed to regulate how much time they spend playing computer games. It's up to moms and dads to rein-in the use of the games. The first step is often the hardest. Both parents must agree on a set of rules:
  • How much time may be spent on a weekend day?
  • How much time may be spent playing the games on school nights?
  • If the child plays Internet-based games, which sites are acceptable?
  • Must chores be done first?
  • Must homework be done first?
  • Which games are taboo, and which are O.K.?

Once parents agree, sit down with your son and discuss the rules. Make it clear which rules are negotiable and which are not. Then announce that the rules start right now. Be sure you can enforce the rules (e.g., if your child is allowed to spend 30 minutes at computer games on school nights - and only after homework and chores are done - the game and game controls must be physically unavailable when he gets home from school). If games involve a computer or a television set, find a way to secure the system until its use is permitted. When the 30 minutes of playing are up, retake the controls. If he balks, he loses the privilege to play the game the following day. If you come into his bedroom and find him playing the game under the covers, he might lose the privilege for several days.

Give warning times: "You have 15 more minutes... You now have 10 minutes... There are only five minutes left." A timer that is visible to your son can be helpful. When the buzzer rings, say, "I know you need to reach a point where you can save the game. If you need a few more minutes, I will wait here and let you have them." If he continues to play despite your step-by-step warnings, do not shout or grab the game or disconnect the power. Calmly remind him of the rules, and then announce that for each minute he continues to play, one minute will be subtracted from the time allowed the next day (or days). Once you get the game back, lock it up. When he finally regains the privilege to play, you can say, "Would you like to try again to follow the family rules?"

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens
 
COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... As a parent of two sons with Asperger Syndrome, I learned that children have a very heightened sense of justice. Instead of giving ultimatums, give them fair choices. Children know when a choice is not really a choice but a parent leveraging a demand. My two sons are grown adults now, 30s. Oppositional Defiant Disorder is part of the puzzle here: so it is important to give them choices, reward for good choices, and lots of routine and structure. My oldest son with Asperger could not function without his computer. Taking it away completely would cause a meltdown of cosmic significance--you might as well melt the sun. Instead, time at the computer was earned. Having visual written cues to transition from one thing to the next, rewards for completing. Once we learned about O.D.D.S. and how that works into O.C.D. and the Pervasive Depressive Disorder, I learned as a parent, to provide routine, structure, and fair choices not ultimatums. Putting an Asperger child into a meltdown by taking away their only means of real communication or escape (cocooning) would perhaps cause my oldest son to end his life. In fact, it wasn't until my son was in his second hospitalization for suicidal intent that the psychiatrist who debriefed us explained the 7 major components of Asperger Syndrome and explained some very important parenting styles which would help our son function much more smoothly in our world. Accepting that my sons are different and not forcing them into social situations where their peers hurt them and made fun of them, but only in structured social activities where they are not at risk was important. If any of this is helpful, hope it gives hope and that your son feels better soon.
•    Anonymous said... I've endured many harsh ignorant comments from family, church members, etc. who only see biological age but do not understand that my two sons are at about 8-10 years old as to mental maturity and they will never be like other adults. They can't live on their own because they don't have a sense of personal safety, don't understand money, time management, and would be extremely at risk for unscrupulous folks who might hurt them or take advantage of them. In my case, I am so thankful their older brother grew up and matured and he and his wife stepped in. The boys' father and step-mother have called my two sons idiots, lazy, rebellious...they were cruel. I'm am glad to read all the wonderful gifts and abilities your son has. My family participated in the U of WA Family Study of Autism with Dr. Geraldine Dawson and Dr. Julie Osterling--both very highly respected. I've learned so much over the last two decades. Very little, almost zero support back then for my boys and for parents. It has been a long road. My sons suffered so much from peers in school. And even a year or so ago, the one did not want to participate in board games and his older brother made a comment. I waited until the room was clear and said to my oldest, "Do you understand that for your brother, he loses these games every single time and it is not fun for him? Please do not ridicule or ever taunt him like that again. Look at it from his point of view." That is why I think they like their computers so much, because for the first time they can WIN at something and they don't have to try to be normal and fit in. I'm glad I could share anything about what I've been through and with my two sons if it helps. I got help 11 years ago from the DSHS here in my state for Phil's SSI from a social worker. My two sons are so smart and gifted musically, artistically, writing, and total masters of the computer and they're so nice and kind and just great young men. Praying you will make sure you get enough sleep and eat well, take your vitamins, and set a goal for getting the SSI application completed. Ask for help. Here we have an organization called WAPAS and they advocate for people with disabilities. Have you asked the ARC for help?
•    Anonymous said... I've met too many moms on these groups in the same boat as me and we all feel hopeless. People don't understand. They think he is full of excuses and lazy. I've seen my sons pain. They haven't. He says he isn't normal and life is too hard for him so why bother. He has in home therapy but is refusing services. I've been so occupied I haven't had the time or energy for an ssi application. I hear lots get denied. My son is so smart. He's a gifted writer and artist and I just want for him to be able too live independently some day. I recently went to court to gain guardianship of him because his functioning is very low. Thank you for your story. It gives me hope
•    Anonymous said... We got our son to the local community college at age 16 and he took the test for his HS diploma, passed with flying colors and began college at 16. Needed 504 Accommodations so we went through the college disability office. Is there counseling available? Someone who can come to the home through a community health care organization? I remember watching Rain Man, the movie, and understanding that these young men must be allowed to have their support systems. The computer seems to be the most non-threatening form of social communication. If you can, make peace with your son over his connection with his computer and ask him what he would like. If he understands that his computer will never be taken away, he may be much more willing to take the other little baby steps in his life. We make lists and do our best to avoid showdowns and do not give ultimatums. ODDS, OCD, and Pervasive Depressive Disorder are part of the Asperger 7 major components of behavior...so I heartily recommend that as the parent, you get as much support and help as you can. Also, introducing your son to other Asperger young men his age who are also computer nerds would help. My oldest son and his wife opened their home to the two with Asperger so they are no longer living with me and that seems to help also. Because sometimes I found my relationship with my oldest, who was the most depressed and most connected to his computer, needed some space of his own. He is doing much better. But the teen years and early 20s were a challenge. I had to learn to accept that my son's computer attachment represented an escape from what is mostly too much stimulation from the real world that he could not handle. And we regularly replace his 16" Peekachoo plush "friend" as that is his dearest companion that my son uses to talk to and he can express himself to that Peekachoo that he can't to people. These kids are so ignored by their peers or bullied by their peers and mostly invisible. It's hard on them. When the they know they are "different" they can get very depressed. But when they can reach out to others through their computers, that helps. Did you get SSI for your son? Hope so. We did and that pays for his medical and prescriptions. Hope this is helpful...in no way meant to soapbox...but having been through this, it is a long road but so worth it. My two sons are multi-geniuses and such wonderful kind individuals. But take away their computers would be like declaring WWIII, so once that issue was resolved, they could see the rest of life with a lot more cooperation They are both happy today and although they'll always live with their older brother and his wife, through their older brother they have friends. And the friends they make online through their music, animation and artistic gifts, are a blessing also.
•    Anonymous said... Your oldest son sounds like my 18 yo son. He threatens self harm at any attempt to take way his computer. He hadn't completed past 9th grade, isn't going to school or working or leaving the house and now not participating in in home therapy or behavior services. What's a parent to do? I worry about his future immensely

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