Aspergers and Marriage

Parents of kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) often look into the future and wonder if their youngster will ever be able to marry. The answer is yes. A man or woman with Aspergers can develop personal relationships and become a life-long partner.

Marriage Partners and Aspergers—

A person with Aspergers will normally marry someone who does not have the condition. In spite of their difficulties with social skills and expressing emotion, an Aspergers spouse can be a good marriage partner. This is especially true if he or she is aware of their diagnosis and have worked on it with therapists. Their natural strengths serve to enhance the marriage and in some cases, this is enough to carry the relationship through difficult patches.

Potential Problems in Aspergers Marriages—

Courtship and the early days of marriage often go well and males with Aspergers often come across as the strong silent type. Problems may arise as time passes and weaknesses come to the surface. These include emotional immaturity, the inability to socialize and the inability or reluctance to show affection. The non-Aspergers partner ends up feeling lonely, neglected and affection-deprived. This is often hard for the Aspergers partner to grasp as he or she will express love more practically than physically.

An Aspergers adult is often attracted to a marriage partner who is the organized or mothering type. He or she recognizes that they need someone to watch out for them and keep them focused in the right direction. This can also lead to problems between couples.

Women in particular may attract predators and as their social skills are weak, they do not realize that the man is not good for them. They may marry and be subjected to a life of misery with an abusive man.

Strengths that Aspergers Adults Bring to Marriage—

Adults with Aspergers have many positive traits. They have strong moral values and will be faithful to a marriage partner. They are also honest, reliable, determined and kind. While their marriage may lack in hugs and affectionate words, the Aspergers spouse is in it for the long haul. This combined with marriage therapy is often the saving grace of the relationship.

Adults with Aspergers do marry and many of their marriages are long-lasting. While they have weaknesses, they also bring strengths to a relationship and with understanding and counseling, they often live long happy lives alongside their non- Aspergers spouse.

=>  Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA

Aspergers and Self-Diagnosis

Aspergers was not officially added to the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) until 1994, with the release of the DSM-IV. Prior to the inclusion of Aspergers, the only autism spectrum diagnosis available to clinicians was autistic disorder.

This lack of diverse diagnostic criteria led to a generation of kids growing up with obviously Aspergers traits but no diagnosis. As the public began to learn more about the various autism spectrum disorders, many grown-ups with these unique qualities began to self-diagnose themselves with Aspergers.

Symptoms of Aspergers—

Autistic disorder, PDD-NOS, and Aspergers share similar diagnostic characteristics. According to WebMd, symptoms of Aspergers include social impairments, restricted interests, repetitive behaviors, and strict adherence to rituals and routines. However, people with Aspergers may not have experienced delays in language or cognitive development.

These symptoms may have left kids with labels like odd, quirky, or socially aloof. Once Aspergers was added to the DSM-IV as a separate pervasive development disorder, clinicians were able to apply a diagnostic label to these kids.

Weird Adults—

When information about Aspergers became more readily available, adults that were once considered quirky or that had received a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder may have been intrigued by the characteristics of people with Aspergers.

Reading through a list of the common traits of Asperger people, one may find himself nodding his head in agreement. To help in identifying the symptoms of Aspergers in oneself, several online tools were created.

The Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ Test)—

While there may be several online Aspergers tests available, the Autism Spectrum Quotient is one of the most well respected tools. Simon Baron-Cohen, a noted Cambridge psychologist and expert in the field of Aspergers, created the AQ Test. Baron-Cohen operates the Cambridge Lifespan Asperger Syndrome Service, which is dedicated to meeting the needs of grow-ups with Aspergers.

The AQ Test features 50 questions to help adults evaluate their own autistic traits. Questions on the test address a person’s social aptitude, repetitive behaviors, narrow interests, adherence to routines, and other traits common among adults with Aspergers. During the first trial period of the AQ Test, 80% of adults with an actual autism spectrum diagnosis recorded scores of 32 or higher.

While the AQ Test isn’t an actual diagnostic tool, many adults use this to help self-diagnose themselves with Aspergers. It is important to note that while the test may be helpful in identifying autistic traits, individuals that feel they may be on the autism spectrum should seek an evaluation by a professional experienced with adults with an autism spectrum disorder.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

My Son Was Recently Diagnosed With Aspergers – Now What?!

Even if moms and dads have recognized that their youngster has problems, a definite diagnosis of Aspergers brings intense emotion, sorrow and many questions. Aspergers is on the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum, but still presents many problems in daily life.

Dealing with a Sense of Loss when Aspergers is Diagnosed—

All moms and dads have hopes and dreams for their kids and these begin to form before birth. When a diagnosis of Aspergers is presented, some or all of these aspirations are crushed. After grieving for the loss of dreams, it is important to replace them with new ones. These should be along the lines of helping the youngster fulfill his or her potential. There are many resources available for kids with Aspergers, and it is important to look into these and see what suits the youngster best. In spite of their difficulties, many Aspergers kids are very bright and excel in certain academic areas.

Balancing Family Life and Aspergers—

Kids with Aspergers often have siblings who are unaffected. When a diagnosis is confirmed, moms and dads may turn all their time and energy to helping the affected youngster. It is vital to maintain a balance and ensure that other kids are given undivided attention, and time and space to vent their own hurt and frustration at the diagnosis. As far as is possible and appropriate, include them in what is happening and encourage them to help the Aspergers sibling with practicing social skills, speech and interaction.

Don’t Cast Blame—

No one has positively identified a cause of Aspergers. It is unhelpful for moms and dads to dig into their backgrounds and blame some quirky relative for the diagnosis they have received. Casting blame will not change anything and is generally unjustified. It is far better to accept the diagnosis, work through the initial shock and determine to keep family life as normal as possible while helping the youngster with Aspergers to achieve his or her potential.

A diagnosis of Aspergers can be a hard blow to moms and dads. Dealing with the loss of hopes and dreams is a process, as is learning to balance normal family life with therapies and doctor visits. The important thing is to create new dreams and always look to the future with hope and expectancy.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Children and Speech Problems

Approximately 50% of kids with Aspergers have delayed speech. While many kids grow out of this by age five, others go on to experience other language problems. These generally fall into one or more of the following three areas of linguistics:

1. Pragmatics and Aspergers—

Pragmatics refers to language usage and the way that context relates to meaning. Kids with Aspergers often have difficulty in holding a normal conversation where there is give and take and social interaction. While most people learn these skills by observing others, those with Aspergers may need personal coaching. Problems with pragmatics manifest in the following forms:

• does not allow the other person to talk

• does not use people’s names

• focuses exclusively on topics that interest them

• gives too much detailed information

• interrupting others

• lack of facial expression and eye contact

• lack of greeting

• oblivious to boredom in others

• oblivious to emotional reactions in others

2. Semantics and Aspergers—

Semantics is defined as the meaning or interpretation of a word, sentence, or other language form. While many people with Aspergers are extremely intelligent and avid readers, they often struggle in this particular area. They may have problems with the following:

• difficulty in understanding jokes

• difficulty in understanding metaphors and figures of speech

• interpreting everything literally

• pedantic speech

• problems with understanding teasing

• sarcasm is not understood

3. Prosody and Aspergers—

Prosody refers to the tonal and rhythmic aspects of speech. People and particularly kids with Aspergers often have a strange manner of speaking. It may come across with words enunciated precisely and formally and the speed, volume and rhythm may be odd. Problem areas to look out for include the following:

• difficulties in coordinating speaking and breathing

• little or no inflection

• monotonous sound

• stilted or formal speech

• strange rhythms of speech

• talking loudly

Help is Available for Linguistic Difficulties—

Aspergers kids and grown-ups with language problems can benefit from one-on-one training with a parent or speech therapist. The problems are often tackled individually and it takes perseverance and repetition to see lasting results. Methods vary but could include the following:

• practicing eye contact and body language

• practicing normal pronunciation and inflection

• teaching how to start a conversation

• training them not to interrupt

• use of pictures to explain figures of speech

It is never too late to seek help for speech difficulties and while a person may never sound completely normal or be able to hold a perfect conversation; there are definitely ways to work towards a great improvement. The key to success is often a commitment from a parent or family member to work with the youngster or grown-up for extended periods of time.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook