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How can I help my daughter with ASD to deal with bullying...?
Question
"How can I help my daughter with ASD to deal with bullying and feeling like ‘she is an alien’ (her words)?"
Answer

Here is a child who has trouble making and keeping friends, may appear clumsy and awkward, is sensitive to sound or light, has strange obsessions she talks about all the time, and has difficulty with changes in routines or schedules. All of these things are bombarding your daughter’s mind when everyone around her is going through the day happily in a group, while she watches from afar. It’s not surprising she is feeling like an alien.
Because of the differences that make children on the autism spectrum stand out from the crowd, they also frequently have to deal with bullying. They are smart, capable of handling their school work for the most part, but keen on following the rules and doing what is right. You will read about kids on the spectrum being labeled as geeky or nerdy.
A child who is being bullied may not realize that she is supposed to tell someone that it is happening. When you struggle with communication, it is difficult to know when or even how to speak up. She may be realizing for the first time that she has been a target all along.
Assure your daughter that you understand her statement regarding feeling out of place. Tell her that there are ways to control bullying and come up with a written plan of action. Talk to her about the specifics and help her see that she can find her way around these trying situations.
Involve your daughter’s school personnel. They may be able to offer suggestions that can be added to her educational plan to make things easier for her, such as additional individual therapy or social skills classes.
With help, your daughter can get past her feelings of alienation and helplessness. Having the support of her parents and professionals will prove invaluable and in time, she’ll be feeling less like a target and more like the capable human being she is.
More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
How to Motivate Aspergers Children
Question
I am looking for more tips on how to get a 9-year-old with Aspergers to enjoy writing more.
Answer

For Aspergers kids to achieve and keep on achieving, the possibility of personal reward must be present as a motivator. Often this reward revolves around the special interest of the Aspergers youngster.
So how do we achieve a state of constant motivation and satisfy the need for almost instant gratification without bankrupting our finances?
I believe Token Economy best suits the needs of kids with Aspergers. A Token Economy is a system where the Aspergers youngster earns tokens as a reward for desired behaviors or actions. A predetermined number of tokens are then exchanged or “cashed in” for an item or activity the Aspergers youngster desires.
Token Economies that use money tokens seem to be the most successful with Aspergers kids in increasing their ability to delay gratification, and lessening the risk of satiation (overuse of a reward can result in the youngster no longer viewing it as a reward). Using money in a Token Economy negates the need for the Aspergers youngster to decode an abstract concept, as in the ‘real’ world people are paid money for completing tasks by way of employment.
A token economy works well with Aspergers kids at school and at home right through Elementary School, and can continue to be used successfully at home throughout High School.
Aspergers kids take a long time establish trust, and for this reason a token economy should focus on rewarding desired behaviors and actions. Once the program has been established for a number of years, you may then be able to introduce “fines” or response costs, where the Aspergers youngster is fined for inappropriate behavior. This correlates the Token Economy program with real-world experiences for Aspergers kids. However, the focus of the program must be on the positives, because kids with Aspergers are prone to quickly losing their motivation and trust.
Be creative with the reinforcers offered as motivation for Aspergers kids. Offering a ‘menu’ of rewards to choose from seems most successful. Initially for kids with Aspergers “cashed in” rewards need to be fairly instant i.e. at the end of each day. Over time this can be stretched to the end of each week. As the Aspergers youngster matures this delayed gratification may be able to be stretched to a month or term, however small rewards and motivators should be offered consistently along the way.
My Aspergers Child: How to Prevent Tantrums
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