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Parenting Kids with High-Functioning Autism PLUS Attention Deficit Disorder

Question

"My 12 year old was recently diagnosed with having high functioning autism. He doesn't fit the typical mold that I read about, and the neuro-psychologist agreed that he is an unusual case. He is extremely likable, has a good many friends, very polite and well mannered. He does however have the obsessive personality and hyper-focusing that is typical with this disorder as well as fascination with collecting things, bottle caps, shark teeth...which he can look for hours at a time for. He is very smart and has always made great grades and has never had behavior issues at home or at school, which is probably why he flew under the radar until now.

Our struggles have to do with his attention...as if he is ADD (tested negative three times). He literally cannot stay on task and is so easily distracted. After a "pep" talk stating that he "owns" his brain and he can control the urges if he puts his mind to it...he can produce. I know its short term but he doesn’t and he feels great when he knocks out something. Remember, we just found out...so we've always treated him as "normal" as the others, why wouldn't we? And again, he's always risen to the challenge of most anything...with a great attitude. I'm desperately looking for ways to help him stay on task with schoolwork and staying on task? Is there anyone there that might know of something, tips, tricks, etc.? Please let me know."

Answer

Most kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) do not receive that diagnosis until after age 6. Usually, they are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder as toddlers. Part of the reason is that doctors routinely screen kids for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) - but not for autism.

Another reason is that an HFA child's social impairment becomes more evident once he hits school. Finally, doctors are reluctant to label a youngster "autistic." It is okay - and even a badge of honor - to have a "hyperactive youngster," but it is another thing whatsoever to have an "autistic youngster."

Doctors make their diagnoses based on kid's behaviors. Since kids with Attention Deficit Disorder and HFA share similar behaviors, the two can appear to overlap. However, there is a fundamental difference between Attention Deficit Disorder and HFA. Children on the autism spectrum lack what doctors call "social reciprocity" or Theory of Mind.

Theory of Mind is "the capacity to understand that other people have thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires that are different from our own." Kids with ADD have a Theory of Mind and understand other people's motives and expectations. They make appropriate eye contact and understand social cues, body language and hidden agendas in social interactions. HFA children can't.

One author put it this way: kids with Attention Deficit Disorder respond to behavioral modification. With Aspergers (HFA), the syndrome is the behavior.

Both kinds of kids can tantrum, talk too loud and too much and have problems modulating their behaviors and making friends. Both are social failures but for different reasons.

The youngster with Attention Deficit Disorder knows what to do but forgets to do it. HFA children do not know what to do. They do not understand that relationships are two-sided. If a child on the spectrum talks on and on in an un-modulated voice about his particular interest, he simply does not understand that he is boring his friend and showing disinterest in his friend's side of the conversation. On the other hand, the youngster with ADD cannot control himself from dominating the conversation.
 
An HFA youngster can appear unfocused, forgetful and disorganized like a youngster with Attention Deficit Disorder, but there is a difference. The ADD youngster is easily distracted; the HFA child has no "filter." The child on the spectrum sees everything in her environment as equally important. Her teacher's dangling earring is as important as what she writes on the blackboard. The HFA child does not understand that she does not have to memorize the entire textbook for the next test. She does not "get" such rules.

Children on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum tend to get anxious and stuck about small things and cannot see the "big picture." Kids with Attention Deficit Disorder are not detailed-oriented. The ADD youngster understands the rules but lacks the self-control to follow them. The HFA child does not understand the rules.

If the unfocused HFA child is "nowhere," the obsessive-compulsive and "Fantasy" HFA child is somewhere else. "Fantasy kids" retreat into a world of their own making - a world where everything goes the way they want it to. They play video games for hours or retreat into books and music. Their daydreaming and fantasizing resembles the behaviors of non-hyperactive kids with ADD.

Obsessive-compulsive children with HFA live a world they create from rules and rituals. Like ADD kids, they appear preoccupied and distracted but for different reasons. They appear distracted because they are always thinking about their "rules." Did I tie my shoelaces right? Did I brush my teeth for 120 seconds?

Some authors estimate that 60% to 70% of children with HFA and AS also have Attention Deficit Disorder, which they consider a common comorbidity of the disorder. Other authors say that the two cannot exist together. Still others insist doctors have it all wrong and that the two disorders are the same. The real problem is that there is no hard science. No one knows exactly how slight imperfections in brain structure and chemistry cause such problems.

For this reason, getting the right diagnosis for a youngster who exhibits behavior problems may take years of trial and error. Diagnosis is based on observation of behaviors that are similar for a myriad of disorders. The tragedy is that the youngster often does not receive the correct medications, educational strategies, and behavioral modification techniques that could help him function on a higher level. He falls farther behind his peer group and loses ground when he could be getting appropriate treatments.

==> CLICK HERE for some specific tips to help your child with school work...

More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
By

Insomnia in Kids with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

“What do you suggest for my 4-year-old boy who has a hard time getting to sleep at bedtime, but can’t take melatonin? He has an allergic reaction to that supplement (gives him headaches). And why does it seem that so many high functioning autistic children have trouble going to sleep – even when they are exhausted?”

Researchers don't know for sure why HFA kids have problems with sleep, but they have several theories. Here are the main ones:
  1. Anxiety: Stress or anxiety is a possible condition that could adversely affect sleep. HFA kids tend to test higher than other kids for anxiety.
  2. Low levels of nighttime melatonin: Melatonin normally helps regulate sleep-wake cycles. To make melatonin, the body needs an amino acid called tryptophan, which research has found to be either higher or lower than normal in kids on the spectrum. Typically, melatonin levels rise in response to darkness and dip during the daylight hours. Studies have shown that some kids with HFA don't release melatonin at the correct times of day. Instead, they have high levels of melatonin during the daytime and lower levels at night.
  3. Sensory sensitivities: HFA and Aspergers kids may have trouble falling asleep or awaken in the middle of the night due to an increased sensitivity to outside stimuli (e.g., touch or sound). While most kids continue to sleep soundly while their mother opens the bedroom door or tucks in the covers, the youngster might wake up abruptly.
  4. Ignoring social cues: Most “typical” kids know when it's time to go to sleep at night thanks to the normal cycles of light and dark and their body's circadian rhythms. But they also use social cues (e.g., kids may see their siblings getting ready for bed). These kids may misinterpret or fail to understand these cues.



Sleep problems are some of the most common problems moms and dads face with their children. Most Aspies have sleep difficulties, and many are actually going through their days sleep-deprived. 
 

Here’s how you can help your child with Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) get to sleep in a reasonable amount of time – even if he can’t take melatonin:

1. An hour before bedtime, avoid all physically stimulating activities (e.g., running, jumping, climbing, etc.).

2. An overnight sleep study may be recommended for your son, especially if he has excessive daytime sleepiness or problems staying asleep. The sleep study will help determine if he has a diagnosable problem (e.g., pure snoring, obstructive sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, etc.). These disorders may require specific therapy that your son’s doctor will prescribe.

3. Avoid feeding your son big meals close to bedtime, and don't give him anything containing caffeine less than six hours before bedtime.

4. Avoid scary stories or TV shows prior to bedtime.

5. Establish a consistent and relaxing bedtime routine that lasts between 20 and 30 minutes and ends in your son's bedroom. Maintaining a predictable and soothing bedtime routine is critical with Aspergers children. Bathing, brushing teeth, singing lullabies, and reading books are some suggestions for a nightly routine.

6. Feed your son bedtime snacks that contain the amino acid “tryptophan.” Tryptophan helps the body to produce the sleep-inducing chemical serotonin. Tryptophan-containing foods include dairy products, whole grains, poultry, rice, eggs and sunflower seeds.
 

7. Give your son tools to overcome his worries. These can include a flashlight, a spray bottle filled with "monster spray," or a large stuffed animal to "protect" him.

8. Have him get used to falling asleep with a transitional object (e.g., a favorite blanket or stuffed animal).

9. If your son calls for you after you've left his room, wait a few moments before responding. This will remind him that he should be asleep, and it'll give him the chance to soothe himself and even fall back asleep while he is waiting for you.

10. If your son comes out of his room after you've put him to bed, walk him back and gently - but firmly - remind him that it's bedtime.

11. It's better to read a favorite book every night than a new one because it's familiar.

12. Keep the bedroom as quiet as possible for your son. If outside noise is unavoidable, use a sound machine or stereo to block noise.

13. Make sure your son has interesting and varied activities during the day, including physical activity and fresh air.

14. Make sure your son is comfortable. Clothes and blankets should not restrict movement or be too itchy, and the bedroom temperature shouldn't be too warm or too cold.
 

15. Put some thought into finding your son’s ideal bedtime.  In the evening, look for the time when he really is starting to slow down and getting physically tired. That's the time that he should be going to sleep, so get his bedtime routine done and get him into bed before that time. If you wait beyond that time, then your son may get a second wind.  At that point, he will become more difficult to handle and will have a harder time falling asleep.

16. Remove the television from your son's bedroom. Television stimulates the brain, making sleep difficult to achieve.

17. Set up a reward system. Each night your son goes to bed on time and stays there all night, he gets a star. After three stars, give him a prize.

18. Talk to a sleep psychologist about bright-light therapy. Exposing your son to periods of bright light in the morning may help regulate the body's release of melatonin.

19. To prevent sensory distractions during the night, put heavy curtains on your son’s windows to block out the light, install thick carpeting, and make sure the door doesn't creak.

20. Warn your son that bedtime is in five minutes or give him a choice, for example, "Do you want to go to bed now or in five minutes?" …but do this only once.

By

How To Help Other Family Members Accept Your Child's Diagnosis

"I'm a stay-at-home mom. My husband works out of town and is only home on weekends. My question is how can I get my husband and in-laws to accept our daughter’s diagnosis (high functioning autism)? They claim I am just 'making this up' and that it's really a behavior problem with her – not a 'disorder'."

This is not surprising, and you're not alone. High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) is hard to see if you don’t live with it every day like you do. Also, some family members are simply in denial. Either way, the truth should come out.

Accepting the presence of this high functioning form of autism can lead to the best possible support and treatment available for your daughter. It’s crucial that all family members are on the same page. You could survive handling everything on your own, but life will be much easier for the whole family when everyone is working together to care for your daughter.

Some family members will choose to stand on the outside. You can’t do much about that. Nonetheless, you can equip them with information about autism spectrum disorders so they can make a choice regarding the position they plan to take.

Here are some tips on how to accomplish this:
1. Contact your local Autism support groups. Without family support, it is crucial that you find encouragement elsewhere. Tell your husband about community events or group meetings so he has the opportunity to stay informed.

2. Find books, eBooks, videos, and other media sources that you can share with your family. A great place to start is with one of the resources listed below this post.

3. If you haven’t done so already, involve your daughter in therapy with a professional who works with children on the autism spectrum. Hopefully, your daughter’s therapist will offer parent-training sessions. These sessions allow you to ask questions about your daughter’s program and her progress, while also educating you on her new goals and coaching you on how to meet these goals. Invite your husband and in-laws to attend this parent training. They can ask questions that will help them understand your daughter’s disorder.

4. Network with other parents raising children on the spectrum. Listening to the stories of those parents who are ahead of you in the journey can give you and your husband insight into the disorder. Here are our two Facebook support groups:

5. Maybe your in-laws simply need to hear the truth from a doctor. Official paperwork containing your daughter’s diagnosis is available from your doctor, neurologist, or therapist. You can request copies of any Early Intervention assessments, private therapy evaluations, and school system evaluations. Explain to your in-laws that these individuals are professionals who see autism spectrum disorders every day. You can also mention that the assessments and evaluations rely on much more than your input, removing any possibility that you are “making this up.”

6.Lastly, get the support you need to help yourself and your daughter. Try not to worry about how the other family members are dealing with this. Always encourage their participation, but concentrate on your daughter’s needs.

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

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Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

PARENTS' COMMENTS:

 • Anonymous said…  I think the acknowledgment is there, the trouble is, most people do not know the true difficulties and how it effects everyday life Every day is a struggle and every day brings new challenges. People who are not with your child day in and day out may think it is not a big deal and is easy... it is NOT. Also, that Aspies cannot be disciplined and treated the same as average children to get results.

• Anonymous said…  From my personal experience, my son's Aspergers was not as apparent in the home setting in isolation from his peers. Once I saw him at school and noticed the stark difference between him and the other kids and how he did or did not interact with them it was much more obvious. Family members don't always get to see that, so it can be harder to make believers out of them.

• Anonymous said…  My sister, who also has a degree in education, babysat my son along with his same aged cousin when they were both 2. She also taught a couple days per week at a Mother's Day Out day care setting. She noticed that my son was very different and often kept him with her because some of the other teachers were less able to handle him. Though my son is good at heart, his bad social judgment often resulted in issues at school each year. It was very frustrating! So when an insightful teacher recommended testing for him in 4th grade, resulting in the diagnosis, we finally had an explanation that made perfect sense to all of us! And I felt better about the future because his teachers could now better understand him instead of writing him off at just "passive aggressive" or simply "difficult." I think if people realize that a diagnosis can yield better understanding and teacher training gives teachers tools for better working with kids, then family can feel better about the child's prognosis and outcome.

* Anonymous said...  Love these articles. A lot of us deal with things similar. This is definitely something that happens with this diagnosis. Even I as the parent of a kiddo that has these tendencies, sometimes would question whether it was just a "behavior problem" or not...whether it was my parenting style or not. If you aren't with the child 24/7, you don't see the whole picture at all. Being education is so important. When one is educated on this particular diagnosis...so much falls into place. 

* Anonymous said... i am now a single-mom to one ASD son & one non_ASD daughter. I lived out of state for 3 years. I couldnt wait to get back hom with my kiddos (& then husband). But noone welcomed us....not even my own mother (this was before the autism diagnosis). Even after, no one wanted to learn about it...we were just too much inconvience for their lives. I also kicked my husband out for various reasons....but "failure to understand autism" was a big one. It's a lonely life. Me & my 2 kids usually stay home & do the same routine everyday. I try to avoid public...because no one understands, & i dont want my children hurt :o( i'm from a state who fears "different people"...i've always been alternative myself. But, God, if you can at least help your husband "get free" & love you all like you are..that would be awesome for you guys. Who cares what in-laws (or even your own folks think!) let them learn! Or stay away. The world needs to be more open-minded not in "words at church" or "words on social media"
 
•    Anonymous said… I had this a lot with some friends & family and what I did was sent them a link to the National Autistic Societies website and asked them out of Respect to please read it, take it in and that the very fact they are choosing not to Learn more and accept our child for the way he/she is - hurts us more than our child's Diagnosis! Some really made the effort to read more and some didn't bother! This is very common and I have to be honest and say I chose to close the door on those that would not accept my son for who he is! You are not alone! Keep your head up and just always put your child before others
 
•    Anonymous said… Thankfully most people in my life are accepting and understanding, but I have this problem with my sons father... He refuses it completely, and during the long process of getting a diagnosis of Aspergers, he tried to make me stop taking our son to the appointments completely. I would like to say things are getting easier, but since my sons diagnosis, his father and I have actually split up, after 22 years together, and sadly this was one of our major issues that caused it. It's exhausting.. It's all on my shoulders.. I work day after day with my son..And then he goes and spends a weekend with his Dad and comes back to me in turmoil because his Dad refuses to learn how to properly deal with a child with Aspergers. I've tried everything to get him to face reality unsure emoticon I think there are some people who will just never get it..
 
•    Anonymous said… Unfortunately a lot of the symptoms are typical of "normal" kids but when you add them all together they spell Aspergers. I think this website has a concise list that might help those who don't want to read much. My son pretty much had all the symptoms but most of them were fairly mild. Had we not had him in a daycare setting where his caretakers would notice his interactions, we may have just written him off as quirky. Early intervention is the key. He is now seven and was diagnosed between 2 and 3 and it's made a HUGE difference. He has "outgrown" most of his issues but still has social problems to a degree. 
 

*   Anonymous said... My parents and siblings clearly think my kid's diagnosis is bogus (they haven't said in so many words, but keep hinting at it). It used to annoy me, but I actually don't care; they love and appreciate him as he is, quirks and all; so I don't feel the need to shove a diagnosis down their throats. 

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