"Our daughter (autistic) has trouble managing her mood and behavior when changes in her daily routine occur. How should we handle this?"
Children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) tend to crave sameness, despise change, become upset when there is a break in routine, or experience a “meltdown” when it is time to transition from one activity to another.

Among these “special needs” children, there is a propensity for doing - or thinking about - the same things over and over, because doing so brings great comfort (e.g., repeatedly lining up toys in a certain order). Unlike “typical” children who may, for example, experiment with lining up train cars in a variety of ways, and move them along the track once they have decided on an order, a youngster with AS or HFA might have only one acceptable order – and have a temper tantrum if a single car is moved out of place.
Many children on the autism spectrum have deep-seated “rituals" where certain things MUST be done in an exact way every time. For example, (1) “Dad must hand me the green towel with the frog on it,” (2) “I must step out of the tub onto a dry towel lying on the floor,” (3) “Dad must pull the bathtub plug,” and (4) “He must dry me off starting with my feet first.” Heaven help dad if he pulls the plug out of sequence or if the frog towel is in the dirty laundry. In this happens, the AS or HFA youngster can fall to pieces, insisting that the tub be refilled and the entire sequence be done again, this time in the correct order.
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
One expert on Asperger’s, Tony Atwood, describes how these rituals can become more and more agonizing:
"The bedtime routine may have started with only lining up three toys, but becomes an elaborate ritual where dozens of toys have to be placed according to strict rules of order and symmetry. When a journey to a destination has followed the same route several times, there is the expectation that this must be the only route and no deviation is tolerated."
What drives this incessant desire for routine? Maybe it’s a form of control, or a way to cope in an unpredictable and frightening world. In any event, the insistence on sameness is unmistakably there.
The strong need to avoid the disruption of routine can make a child with AS or HFA look very rigid to the outside world. Parents – and even siblings – can feel held hostage to certain routines or rituals, dreading the meltdown that will ensue if they interfere with them.
This inflexibility can have other social implications, too. For example, the AS or HFA child may become extremely rigid regarding rules, and want to help enforce them to the dismay of their friends and classmates. The youngster may try to “script” the play of other children so that some pretend scenario is acted out exactly as he or she pictured it. This resembles the “lining up toys” behavior, only now it is peers and their behavior that the youngster is trying to put in order. If the other children are noncompliant, this may lead to a tantrum or meltdown. The give-and-take necessary to play or interact with peers in more complex, mature ways is hindered by the AS or HFA child’s strong need for sameness.
Researchers have demonstrated that the tendency to have rigid routines, the propensity for having a “special topic," and repetitive sensory and motor behaviors (e.g., stimming) often occur together. Whether these various ways of being “rigid” are necessarily connected in some way (neurologically speaking) is still being debated.
The good news about the AS or HFA youngster’s strong desire to avoid disruption of routine is that it can be relatively easy for parents to respond to. The vast majority of children of all ages function better with structure, routine, and predictability in their life. Kids on the autism spectrum simply take it to the extreme and have difficulty adjusting to change.
If your youngster has trouble managing his mood and behavior when changes in his daily routine occur, try to provide him with as much predictability as possible. This can be accomplished by creating a highly structured environment where daily tasks take place in a certain order and things are physically in order. For example: