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Cursing in Kids with High-Functioning Autism [ASD Level 1]

"My 5 year old son is a high functioning autistic child - and is constantly swearing. I've tried time-outs, taken games away, used positive rewards for not swearing, and so on. He just can't seem to quit. He tells me he HAS to get the words out. His favorite cuss word is "dammit" (which he got from me), and he uses it all day long. Any suggestions?"

Because of an inability to (a) control impulses, (b) understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior, (c) empathize with others’ feelings, and (d) manage frustrations in dealing with daily life, kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often behave inappropriately at home or in public.

The use of profanity is particularly inappropriate and is something about which you must be direct and forceful. Your son may refuse to accept that his behavior needs to change (since he hears you using the same curse word that you don't want him to use), in which case, he probably won't respond to the strategies that you have tried so far.

Here are some pointers:

Sit down and have a talk with your son. Establish firm rules for his behavior. Let him know that cursing at home or in public is inappropriate and disrespectful of others. Ask him why he curses. He may respond by saying that he gets frustrated or angry when certain situations occur. If you can address the situations, you may be able to find ways for him to avoid them or handle them more appropriately.

Behavior modification techniques using a visual chart can be very effective.  Make a house rule: No Cursing. List the curse words he is not to use. Make a visual chart of the rules. List a consequence for each day he curses (not each time he curses). Choose a consequence that deprives him, for one day, of something he loves to do (e.g., no watching TV, no playing video games, etc.). List a reward for each day that he follows the house rule (e.g., extra TV or video game time, money, a special privilege, etc.).

Also, pick one replacement word that is acceptable for your son to use whenever he "HAS to get the words out" (e.g., ding nabbit, awe shucks, bleep-idy bleep, scooby doo). Be creative here. You will probably never get your son to give up his favorite word, but you may be able to help him find a new favorite word. You should start using the replacement word regularly as well. In this way, "dammit" will lose its attraction over the new word that he hears coming from you.

Lastly, model frustration-tolerance for your son whenever YOU become frustrated. He is obviously following your lead, so only say and do the things you want him to say and do.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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PARENTS' COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... I soooooo totally understand!! My almost 16 year old cusses like a sailor!! He got it from his military dad but my gosh has taken it to new heights and it's worse when he's playing his xbox !!! Ugh

•    Anonymous said... it's highly likely it Tourette's syndrome. The tics may not start for a couple more years, but that "need"to get the words out is very typical. Also the lack of improvement with what you're doing. If possible please see him as possibly having ts and that his swearing is completely involuntary. Try to just ignore it. Making an issue about it makes it worse because Tourette's is an inhibition problem. The more forbidden something is the more the urge to do it. Another sign is hitting the ones he is closest to, often the mother. Sending you patience!

•    Anonymous said... just say no we don't use those words, but if you're feeling angry or frustrated you can use What The! instead. This forms of swearing are on all the tv shows so they should see and hear it and think this is cool when they hear it on Tv. It will take a few months of saying the above for it to sink in.

•    Anonymous said... My son makes a lot of sounds and gestures as his way of stemming. His psychiatrist said when he started on Adderall that it can unmask Tourettes like symptoms. Might be something you want to check into. A lot of these kids have dual diagnosis and its very real.

*   Anonymous said... I find it works better to find a way to say yes, rather than constantly trying to enforce "no". Try giving him a spot where he can swear (in his room, into a pillow to muffle it) instead...

*   Anonymous said...I'm down to " I'm going to charge you 25 cents for each one".

* Unknown said...I have a stepson who is slightly autistic. They say it used to be referred to as Asperger's. He has a bad habit of cussing when he gets angry and doesn't get his way. His dad and I are trying to teach him and that cussing is an inappropriate behavior in anyplace. His mom told him this evening that he is only allowed to cuss at her house. My question is, How do we deal with this?
  
* Anonymous said...What should I do if my son, aged 11, is swearing/cursing when frustrated but can not recall the incident. He did it to school staff when he had to wait a long time to go to the bathroom and school would like to take some action against him. How can I work with this situation. I have had a general discussion with him regarding swearing/cursing in general and he responded well to it. Your advice would be much appreciated.
   
* Anonymous said...Children and adults with autism also have verbal tics. If he feels he has to do it, have you investigated the possibility of tics?
   
*Anonymous said...My son is the same age and exactly the same in how he behaves. Any suggestions would be appreciated. He swears at his teachers and we have been called into his school twice in the three weeks that he has been there.
   
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Parenting Young Adults on the Autism Spectrum

"My 20 year old high functioning autistic son (unemployed and not attending college) is staying out all night and not telling us where he has been. I am worried as he is not really ‘street wise’ and probably at big risk. He has been involved in a few of these so-called 'peaceful protests' here lately, which scares us since some of these young people end up either dead or in jail."

You have good cause to be concerned about this. Young people with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's have a lot of difficulty recognizing when someone is lying to them, using them for their own purposes, or befriending them in order to get them involved in inappropriate activities.

Many of these "special needs" teenagers are surprised that someone would even try to take advantage of them. While they understand if something is true or false, they can’t understand why someone would use the truth to create lies, say one thing but mean something else, or believe something that is not true.

The slow or confused processing of emotions many teens on the autism spectrum experience can impede awareness of dangerous situations and stop rational thought. The emotional warning signs that are meant to protect them from difficult or harmful situations may malfunction, or work so slowly that they lose effectiveness. This means that these individuals are less prepared to defend themselves verbally or physically in an argument or conflict or say “no” to inappropriate activities. Consequently, your adult child may fall victim to exploitation or worse through no fault of his own.

Even though he is a grown-up, you must still try to protect your (socially naïve) child as he is not ready for the same amount of freedom as other grown-ups. Does he have a trustworthy friend or relative who could be a mentor and help him by going out with him and keeping him out of trouble? This mentor can try to help your son understand that many people act friendly, but may want to get him involved in foolish or dangerous activities. Also, the mentor could help him get involved in clubs or groups in which he will meet responsible friends.
 
==> Launching Adult Children: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Therapy is definitely called for in this situation. You and a therapist may be able to convince your adult child to tell you what is going on when he is outside the home. Also, he needs to tell you when “friends” want him to do something wrong or dangerous. Convince him that by doing so, he is doing the right thing, obeying the law, and keeping himself and others safe.

Sit down with your son and have a long talk about what he shouldn’t do when he is with friends, including inappropriate sexual activity, criminal activity, take drugs, drinking, driving after drinking, and so on. Make it very clear to him the negative consequences of doing each of these things in very specific terms. Make it clear that he must not engage in these activities – even to gain the friendship of others.

One of the good things about young adults on the spectrum in this situation is that they can be very “black and white” in sticking to rules. So, if you can emphasize some of the laws around certain behaviors (e.g., petty crime, certain sexual behaviors, use of alcohol/drugs, etc.), you have a much better chance of compliance. In such situations, quite rigid thinking can be a good thing if it helps to keep your adult child on the “straight and narrow.”

Also, consider the possibility of a temporary group home or an assisted living situation for your son to help him learn to become independent and act responsibly, thus preparing him for living on his own some day. In addition, it's probably a good idea to put your name on all his bank accounts so that both of you must agree before he can access his money.


Here's additional information on this issue:

==> Adult Children Still Living With Mom & Dad  

==> Launching Adult Children: How To Promote Self-Reliance
 
 
More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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