How can I help my Aspergers son to function better out in public?

Question

How can I help my Aspergers son to function better out in public?

Answer

We expect the people around us to look and act a certain way. Acting civilized is desired of all ages, young and old. Sometimes this is just too much to expect. People are individuals with their own agendas. What seems civilized to one family may be over the top in another household. What seems barely acceptable in one place is normal behavior in another.

Nevertheless, we all want to be accepted and we want our children to be accepted. We teach and train from the earliest point in time to the best of our ability and our expectations, only to be told we aren’t quite reaching the bar in other’s eyes. Then add in Asperger’s Syndrome (high-functioning autism). How can we succeed?

Make sure that your son recognizes appropriate behavior for public places. The younger you start, the more time you’ll have to cement the skills in his mind. Manners, personal cleanliness, and appropriate conversation are a few that are not only important at home but can mean acceptance in public.

You should make lists that are very straight-forward with simple language. An example of a list subject could be as follows:

This is how I act at a restaurant:

• I sit quietly and stay in my chair

• I speak calmly and place my order

• I eat my food using my manners

Picture charts are similar to lists, but use pictures instead of words. For example, a picture of a restaurant logo could be used as the title. The following pictures could be a car, people walking into a door, people sitting as a table, and so on.

Reading social stories is another good option. Choose a story about a boy going to eat in a restaurant. It is possible to write your own story. Make sure the story includes many examples of proper behavior. Read the story several times before the trip to the restaurant.

Use every possible opportunity to remind your son about his lists, charts, and stories. This will help him become more aware of how he should present himself. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome do not always see the importance of good behavior because of their lack of social skills. The good thing is that they want to do what is right and acceptable and will work hard to follow the rules.

Utilize the Internet to find books and videos that will model proper behavior for him. This video can be used for older kids through adult: “Manners for the Real World: Basic Social Skills” (DVD).

Your son can watch and emulate actual demonstrations of appropriate behavior by using this video. There are many topic areas covered, from table manners to public conversations and everything in between. All topics are discussed during the segment and then reviews are captioned on the screen. He’ll see it, hear it and read it.

As your son grows, you will need to add new rules to his lists. The body is always changing. There will be added personal hygiene issues, as well as new social situations in which he’ll begin to participate. The goal is to show him how to tackle the issues of public behavior himself as he becomes an adult. Because of your diligence over the years, your son will know what he needs to do to function appropriately in public.

How do I help my son with Aspergers in his social skills?

How do I help my son with Aspergers in his social skills? He needs to interact with other kids and deal with people in the near future once he start's working.

Even though there are several areas of weakness caused by Aspergers, social skills problems are probably the most important. Good social skills mean more than friendships and peer relationships. Social skills are necessary for interaction on the job, dating, and dealing with out people in all aspects of life. Your son can find help with social skills in many different places.

Help at school—

When there is no Aspergers, social skills are taught naturally in the classroom. However, kids with Aspergers fail to grasp the concept in this manner. Social skills must be taught systematically with much practice. Speech therapists in the schools are able to teach social skills along with other types of communication skills. This therapy may or may not involve a group of kids and will mainly focus on education related issues.

Help at home—

You are a vital player in your son with Aspergers social skills therapy. The skills that are taught at school or in private therapy must be practiced at home. In addition, you should practice all forms of therapy at home and encourage your son to complete therapy homework whenever it is given.

Help in private therapy—

For kids with Aspergers, social skills can be taught through private therapy. Private therapists are usually associated with a hospital or medical group in your area. These therapists focus on all of a person's weaknesses where school therapists can only work on education related weaknesses.

Help in autism support groups—

Autism support groups can also help kids with Aspergers. Social skills groups may be available within the support group's membership. Check with the support group owner or leader for information on social skills groups or classes for your son. Even if your group does not have social skills classes, the members can supply information on other resources in your community.

Help in focused interest with clubs and outings—

Intense special interests are a part of life with Aspergers. Social skills can be learned through these special interests. Find clubs or community groups that share a common interest with your son. These clubs will supply opportunities for your son to practice his social skills in an environment that feels comfortable to him. Club outings will allow further practice and a bit of independence.

With some planning on your part, and hard work on the part of your son with Aspergers, social skills can be learned and practiced on a daily basis. It may not come natural, but it is possible for people with Aspergers to discover the basic ability of socialization.