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Helping Parents Understand & Cope with Their Autistic Teenagers


Helping Parents Understand & Cope with Their Autistic Teenagers

(Foundations + a 7-Day Starter Plan you can use tonight)

Big Picture: What “autism in adolescence” actually looks like

Autistic teenagers often have the same core profile as in childhood—differences in sensory processing, social communication, and cognitive flexibility—but puberty, new academic demands, and social complexity crank the intensity way up. What you see at home (shutdowns, meltdowns, “defiance,” school refusal, hours of gaming, refusal of hygiene, etc.) is often the nervous system saying “I’m overwhelmed,” not “I don’t care.”

Key concepts to keep in mind:

  • Nervous-system first, behavior second. Stress, prediction errors, and sensory load drive most “behavioral” moments.

  • Monotropism. Many autistic teens focus deeply on a few interests. That focus is regulating—use it, don’t fight it.

  • Alexithymia & interoceptive differences. Many teens struggle to identify internal states (e.g., “am I anxious or hungry?”).

  • Demand avoidance (including PDA profiles). “No” can be a reflex to the feeling of being controlled, not the request itself.

  • Executive function gaps. Initiation, sequencing, organization, working memory, and time sense lag behind chronological age.

  • Social energy is finite. Masking at school can lead to after-school rebound dysregulation at home.

Reframing Challenging Moments

Meltdown vs. Tantrum

  • Meltdown: involuntary, stress-overflow; goal is safety and regulation.

  • Tantrum: strategic to obtain/avoid something; far less common than adults assume.

Shutdowns are “system overload” power-savers—quiet, withdrawn, low-talk. Treat as you would a migraine: lower demands, low light, minimal talk, offer preferred regulation.

Your Core Toolkit (the five R’s)

  1. Regulate: Co-regulate first. Lower lights/noise, reduce language, offer water/pressure/weighted item/movement.

  2. Relate: Reflect feelings without judgment (“This fell apart and that’s rough.”).

  3. Reason: Only after calm—use brief, concrete language.

  4. Routines: Predictability buffers stress; preview changes visually.

  5. Repair: After any rupture, circle back with a short “what worked/what didn’t” chat and a do-better plan.

Communication That Works (and what to skip)

Do

  • Use short, concrete sentences: “Shoes on in five minutes. I’ll set a timer.”

  • Offer two good choices: “Homework at the table or the couch?”

  • Collaborative Plan B (brief): “You need X; you need Y; how can we do both?”

Avoid

  • Multi-step speeches, sarcasm, “why” questions in the heat, or public corrections.

  • Consequence-stacking during dysregulation (it escalates nervous system threat).

Regulation-first scripts

  • “Pause. Too much. Let’s switch to quiet mode.”

  • “Would noise-canceling or the porch help?”

  • “Say ‘pause’ if you need me to stop talking.”

Sensory & Environment: low-cost, high-impact changes

  • Lighting: warm/indirect; avoid flicker.

  • Noise: noise-canceling options; quiet zone after school.

  • Visual load: clear surfaces; labeled bins; color-coded areas.

  • Movement: mini-trampoline, resistance bands, walking loop after school.

  • Predictability: whiteboard with “Today / Maybe / Not Today.”

  • Regulation shelf: water, crunchy snack, fidgets, compression item, weighted lap pad.

Executive Function Supports (initiation beats motivation)

  • Externalize time: big visible timer; “now/next/then” strips.

  • Chunk tasks: three-step max per card.

  • Starter cues: “Open the doc and write one sentence,” not “Finish your essay.”

  • Body-double: sit nearby doing a parallel task; light prompts only.

  • Weird rule that works: Start ugly. Perfection paralysis is real.

Boundaries that protect connection

  • Low demands when dysregulated; clear limits when safe.

  • Replace “Because I said so” with safety/values language: “My job is to keep us safe and rested.”

  • Use ‘yes, and’: “Yes, you can game—and first we do meds and shower. Timer or playlist?”

Home Safety & Crisis Signals

Red flags requiring professional support: threats of self-harm, runaway intent, escalating aggression, eating/weight changes, substance use, severe school refusal (10+ days), or new psychotic-like symptoms.

Home Safety Basics

  • Lock up meds/sharps/alcohol.

  • Crisis numbers visible; teen and parents have them.

  • Calm exits rehearsed (“I’m stepping outside for 2 minutes.”).

  • Safe room protocol: low stimuli, soft items only.


Mini-Case: After-School Explosions

Pattern: Teen holds it together at school; at home, explodes over small limits.
What helps:

  • 30–60 min decompression window (no questions, no chores).

  • Snack + hydration on arrival.

  • Movement (walk, bike, trampoline).

  • Homework body-double later with a 15-on/5-off timer.

  • Evening repair chat: 3 sticky notes—Went Well / Hard / Try Tomorrow.

Role-Play Scripts (copy/paste)

When a plan changes last minute

  • Parent: “Change alert. The store is closed. Two options: order in or make pasta. Want 2 minutes to decide?”

  • Teen: “Order.”

  • Parent: “Got it. Thanks for flexing. Pasta tomorrow.”

Homework standoff

  • Parent: “Not ready. Okay. Ten-minute timer for chill. After that, one paragraph together. I’ll type if you talk.”

Hygiene without power struggle

  • Parent: “Quick plan: three songs—wash, teeth, deodorant. You pick the playlist; I’ll set the speaker.”

Worksheet: Family Meltdown Map (text version)

  1. Early cues I/we notice: (pacing, voice gets loud/quiet, jaw tight, “leave me alone,” eye sting, room gets messy)

  2. Top triggers: (sudden change, noise at dinner, sibling teasing, homework pile)

  3. What helps before it peaks: (noise-canceling, porch, dog, hoodie, chewing ice)

  4. My words to say (parent): (one-sentence offers, no questions, thumbs-up signal)

  5. My words to say (teen): (“pause,” “too much,” “need outside”)

  6. Safety steps if it peaks: (remove breakables, other kids to bedroom, parent exits for 2 min, crisis plan card)

  7. Repair ritual: (snack + show, three sticky notes, hug/pressure if wanted)

Worksheet: Home Support Plan (executive function)

  • Morning: visual checklist on the door; backpack staged at night.

  • After school (first 60 min): snack + silence + movement; no chores/talk.

  • Homework: 15/5 timer; body-double; “one ugly draft.”

  • Evening: calming routine (lights down, predictable screen stop, same bedtime window).

Screen & Gaming Plan (collaborative)

  • Non-negotiables: sleep, meds, hygiene, safety.

  • Access rule: “Screens are on when core needs are met.”

  • Structure: blocks tied to transitions (e.g., 4–6 pm decompress; 8–9 pm social gaming).

  • Problem-solve weekly: what gaming supports social/language/mood; what disrupts sleep/chores.

Siblings: keep the ecosystem steady

  • Give siblings private debrief time; validate their feelings.

  • One-on-one “protected time” weekly with each child.

  • Clear family cue: “Code Green/Yellow/Red” to signal when to give space.

  • Teach siblings the two safest helps: get an adult and lower the noise—not “fix the meltdown.”

Parent Self-Care (this is not optional)

  • Non-negotiable basic: 7–8h sleep target, water, one nourishing meal.

  • Micro-recovery: 3x daily 60-second downshift (long exhale, shoulder drop).

  • Two supports: one practical (carpool swap), one emotional (friend/peer group).

The First 7 Days: A Micro-Plan

Day 1 (Tonight): Set up a Decompression Corner (chair, headphones, fidget, snack basket). Put a whiteboard near the kitchen labeled Today / Maybe / Not Today.
Day 2: Observe and write the Meltdown Map early cues with your teen’s input.
Day 3: Introduce a Now/Next/Then strip for one daily pinch point (e.g., bedtime).
Day 4: Pilot a 30-minute after-school quiet block—no questions asked, snack prepped.
Day 5: Practice two role-play scripts (plan change + homework). Keep it light.
Day 6: Create the Home Support Plan: morning checklist + 15/5 homework timer + body-double slot.
Day 7: Family Repair Ritual after a hard moment this week. Three sticky notes and one commitment.

Troubleshooting Grid

ProblemLikely driverTry this firstIf no change in 2–3 weeks
Explodes after schoolMasking fatigue + hunger60-min decompression + snack + movementAsk school for reduced last-period load; trial earlier lunch/snack; consider OT/sensory consult
“Won’t start homework”Initiation + perfection fear15/5 timer + body-double + “ugly start”Request lighter workload; chunked deadlines; scribe accommodation
Refuses hygieneSensory aversionWarm lights, unscented items, soft towel, music timerOT desensitization plan; schedule vs. demand framing; try evening showers
Stays up gamingSleep as regulator; poor time senseFixed shutdown routine, visible timer, blue-light limitsMove gaming earlier, sleep study if needed; review meds/caffeine
“Backtalk/defiance”Threat response to demandsLower words; choices; ‘yes, and’Demand-avoidance plan; parent coaching; school IEP/504 supports

Quick Reflection Prompts (journal together or separately)

  • When is my teen most regulated? What are the ingredients?

  • Which two triggers cause 80% of our clashes?

  • What script did I over-talk today? How can I say it in one sentence tomorrow?

  • One thing I want to repair from this week is…

Closing

You don’t need a perfect week to change the climate at home. You need one or two steady rituals that reduce nervous-system threat, a few short scripts, and a commitment to repair after rough moments. Start with the decompression window, the meltdown map, and the 7-day plan. Tomorrow’s article will build on this with school collaboration tactics (teacher emails that actually work, accommodations that help, and handling school refusal without burning bridges).


 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
By

The 3 Interventions to Prevent Meltdowns in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Mark, You refer to 'meltdowns' quite frequently in your articles. Is it not similar to a tantrum... if not, what can be done to prevent them?"

A meltdown is not identical to a tantrum (although there is an overlap on occasion). From a biological standpoint, a meltdown is an emotional outburst wherein the higher brain functions are unable to stop the emotional expression of the lower (i.e., emotional and physical) brain functions. 
 
Kids who have neurological disorders are more prone to meltdowns than others (although anyone experiencing brain damage can suffer from meltdowns too).

From a psychological standpoint, there may be several goals to a meltdown, which may or may not be the "rewards" that are consciously desired by the youngster. To many parents and teachers, these goals may seem irrational, inappropriate, and sometimes criminal. 
 
To kids familiar with - or trained to recognize - the psychological causes of such behavior, however, there are clear emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and biochemical correlates to meltdowns.
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

The three major interventions that are usually most effective in preventing a meltdown from manifesting in children with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) include (1) managing emotions, (2) a sensory diet to maintain optimal sensory regulation, and (3) visual supports.

1. Managing emotions:

Most often, the youngster's feelings are way too big for the situation. Managing felt emotions does not come automatically, but can be learned over time with systematic instruction. CBT is one example of an effective therapy for managing emotions.

2. Sensory diet:

Children with High-Functioning Autism usually do not have sensory systems that regulate automatically; rather, they must discover how to keep themselves regulated. This is most often accomplished by employing a sensory diet.

Just as a youngster needs food throughout the course of the day, he needs sensory input – and opportunities for getting away from stimulation – spread out over the whole day. A “sensory diet” is a carefully designed, personalized activity plan that provides the sensory input an autistic child needs to stay focused and organized throughout the day. In the same way that you may soak in a hot tub to relax, kids on the autism spectrum need to engage in stabilizing, focusing activities, too.

Each ASD youngster has a unique set of sensory needs. Generally, a youngster whose nervous system is causing him to be hyperactive needs more calming input, while the youngster who is more under-active or sluggish needs more arousing input.

The effects of a sensory diet are usually immediate and cumulative. Activities that perk up your youngster - or calm him down - are not only effective in the moment, but they actually help to restructure your youngster’s nervous system over time so that he is better able to:
 
(a) handle transitions with less stress,
(b) limit sensory seeking and sensory avoiding behaviors,
(c) regulate his alertness,
(d) increase his attention span, and
(e) tolerate sensations and situations he finds challenging.

3. Visual supports:

 “A picture is worth a thousand words” is the absolute truth. Although each child on the autism spectrum has a unique experience, processing written and spoken words is not considered to be her “first language.” Visual supports can be anything that shows rather than tells. Visual schedules are often used successfully with many ASD children. 
 
Having a clear way to show beginnings and endings to the activities shown on the visual schedule helps the child to have smooth transitions, thus keeping a meltdown from gathering momentum. For the best results, visual supports need to be in place proactively rather than waiting until the child's behavior unravels to pull them out.
 
 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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COMMENTS:

Anonymous said… Meltdowns are not always "temper tantrums." I am a certified Aspie and my meltdowns usually have nothing to do with temper to anger. Meltdowns are the result of overstimulation in some area. It could be related to sensory issues such as a certain noise, or certain colored lights, or it could be a reaction to an emotionally charged situation (we don't understand emotions so when emotions are high it is unnerving and we can't handle it). I recently wrote about a meltdown on my own blog The Christian Aspie. It is a first hand account, through the eyes of an Aspie. It is horrible to experience. There is a lot of anxiety and stress, an out of control feeling. I have had milder meltdowns when people lie to me. I have also had rather serious meltdowns when I have just been overloaded in one way or another (usually sensory related). The thing to remember is that 1. We can't help it. Sometimes I have to stomp or flap my hands to release the pressure. 2. There is nothing you can do about it except to try to get the person into a sensory friendly (low sensory input - low lights, muted sound, isolated, etc) area.

Anonymous said… I think a lot of it is semantics. The closest term to describe a 'Meltdown', is a severe temper tantrum, altho a temper tantrum in a 'normal' child is generally caused by a child that is simply not getting his way and has learned that if he pitches a big enough fit, he will get his way. No Aspie or Aspie parent wants that perception to be used to describe an Aspie meltdown. I think there is also a big difference between a 'meltdown' and a 'shutdown', depending on how the aspie deals with the anxiety and often overwhelming experience of trying to navigate the 'normal' world. Some aspies INternalalize their feelings and emotions, and some EXternalize them. An internal 'meltdown' I would describe more as a 'shutdown'. They may be just as devastating to the child, but don't have the same outward effect on those around them, as a full-blown 'meltdown' can have. Especially if it happens in public. In my opinion, the term 'meltdown' has become way overused by some parents to describe anytime their child, aspie or not, cries or doesn't behave perfectly. I often want to tell these parents, "you apparently have never seen a real meltdown". In our experience, Mark Hutton described a meltdown perfectly, and I think the overuse, and misuse of the term minimizes what Aspies and their caregivers deal with daily. Thank you Mark for clarifying this. 

Anonymous said... A meltdown can be very subtle. Essentially they are overwhelmed with emotion or sensory input. Early on this can be expressed as irritability (early in the meltdown). It can go into a tantrum/screaming fit or just as easily into what I call a shutdown (retreating somewhere "safe" and trying to block the world out).

Anonymous said... A meltdown is NOT the same as a tantrum. A meltdown is involuntary, it is not under the child's control, and it is usually due to sensory overload, something important getting changed unexpectedly, or some kind of "straw that broke the camel's back," when somebody's been under chronic stress and there's a final incident that they just can't take anymore. Good ways to avoid one are to tell a child in advance if something in their plans or schedule is getting changed--not waiting until the last minute. Figure out what kind of environmental/sensory stresses cause them sensory overload, and avoid those, or make sure they have a way to escape if they need to.

Anonymous said... I found my meltdowns used to occur mostly in social situations that were noisy -- too much noise, too many people talking, too much input. I have learned to handle them by staying to the side of a room, so it is not all around me and occasionally having a time out (from the noise) where I would go outside or to the bathroom & just breath and calm down. But them I am over 50 and have had many years to figure out what works. It is not a tantrum which, as I understand it, comes from anger and not having ones own way; it seems to be a sensory overload which explodes.

Anonymous said... Tantrums are typically from not getting their own way. Meltdowns or at least with my son are usually because he got overwhelmed with something and doesn't know how to properly express it to me. Kudos for finding something that works for you!
 
Post your comment below…
 
By

Meltdowns and Punishment: Tips for Parents of Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"I know parents shouldn't punish a child for having a meltdown, but how do I know when it's a meltdown versus flat out bad attitude?"

One of the most important things for parents to realize is that a meltdown is a trait of High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's. Because meltdowns can often look like tantrums, it's sometimes difficult to know what course of action to take.

To make matters worse, a particular behavior may be meltdown-related on one occasion, but a simple tantrum on another occasion (e.g., the child may have a tantrum over a certain food item because it tastes "yucky," yet he or she acts-out in the same way over another food item due to a gustatory (i.e., taste) sensitivity.

Children on the autism spectrum can avoid tantrums - but not meltdowns. The best parents can do is try to reduce the damage. Punishing a child for a meltdown is like punishing someone for swearing when they hit their thumb with a hammer. It won't do any good whatsoever and can only serve to increase the distance between you and your child. 
 

In addition, meltdowns aren't wholly caused by the current scenario, but are usually the result of an overwhelming number of other issues. The one that "causes" the meltdown is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Unless you're a mind reader, you won't necessarily know what the other factors are, and your child may not be able to fully communicate the problem.

A meltdown is a condition where the HFA or Asperger's child temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors (e.g., sensory sensitivities, anxiety, social frustration, etc.). It generally appears that the child has lost control over a single and specific issue; however, this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is an accumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory that kids on the autism spectrum are known to have.

In addition, the problems may seem hidden due to the following:
  • Kids on the autism spectrum don't tend to give a lot of clues that they are irritated.
  • Often times, the child's grievances are aired as part of his or her normal conversation and may be interpreted by parents as part of his or her standard whining.
  • Some things that annoy HFA and Asperger's kids would not be considered annoying to other kids, which makes parents less likely to pick up on a potential problem.
  • Their facial expressions very often will not convey frustration.
  • Their vocal tones will often remain flat - even when they are highly agitated.

 
Some children on the spectrum describe the meltdown as a red or grey band across the eyes. There is a loss of control and a feeling of being a powerless observer outside the body. This can be dangerous as the child may strike out, particularly if the instigator is nearby or if the HFA child is taunted during a meltdown.

Sometimes, depression is the only outward visible sign of a meltdown. At other times, depression results when the child leaves his or her meltdown-state and confronts the results of the meltdown. The depression is a result of guilt over abusive or violent behavior, which may result in a shutdown (e.g., the child curls up into a fetal position and hides from the world).

Sometimes, the best thing that parents can do is to train themselves to recognize the triggers to a meltdown before the meltdown happens - and take steps to avoid it. Once the child reaches an age where he or she can understand "meltdown triggers," parents can work on explaining the situation.

One way to do this is to discreetly videotape a meltdown and allow the child to watch it after he or she has calmed down (kids on the spectrum are very visual and learn best from images and videos). You could then discuss the incident, explain why it isn't socially acceptable, and give the child some alternatives.

More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
By

Meltdowns vs. Shutdowns and How Parents Should Respond

"Are shutdowns actually avoidance behavior, in other words, the child is simply trying to get out of doing something uncomfortable? And how is it different than a meltdown? I'm not sure exactly where to draw the line between intentional and involuntary acts with my 10 y.o. (high-functioning) son."

When it comes to dealing with a child who has High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's (AS), there aren't too many differences between meltdowns and shutdowns. Both are extreme reactions to everyday stimuli. Both tend to be the result of long-term unresolved issues rather than the more obvious triggers, and both are almost completely out-of-the-control of the youngster rather than being used as a means to an end (which would be either a tantrum or emotional blackmail).

Some kids on the autism spectrum are more prone to meltdowns while others lean more towards the shutdown reaction. It's possible to do both, but this depends greatly on the root cause of the problem. There's a personality component to the reaction with HFA kids who are more sure of themselves or more fiercely independent leaning towards meltdowns rather than shutdowns, but again there's a wide variance depending upon the feelings brought on by the trigger. Some events can make even the most confident youngster on the spectrum doubt himself or herself.

What exactly is a shutdown?

While a meltdown could be described as rage against a situation, a shutdown tends to be more of a retreat. Behaviors which manifest during a shutdown include:
  • rolling oneself into a ball or fetal position
  • crawling under objects
  • lying face down or completely under the covers on a bed
  • gaze avoidance tends to increase significantly
  • conversation may be non-existent

As with meltdowns, in a shutdown situation, the youngster may act irrationally or dangerously. Unlike a meltdown however, the harmful activities are almost always directed at oneself. The youngster may attempt self-harm - and may even be suicidal in some cases. He or she may be more likely to take reckless risks (e.g., attempting to jump out of a bedroom window).
 

What causes a shutdown?

As with meltdowns, the cause of a shutdown tends to be cumulative, and the trigger may bear little resemblance to the actual problem. The real problems associated with shutdowns tend to lean towards depression, loneliness, poor self-image and poor self-worth.

In younger children, a shutdown may be triggered because of a simple breakfast issue (e.g.,  they were given something they don't like). In this case, the cause may actually have nothing to do with breakfast at all, but rather it may be symptomatic of the youngster's frustration at not being able to make himself understood.

What does a shutdown look like in adults on the autism spectrum?

In grown-ups, shutdowns can result from extreme events (e.g., losing a job, marriage break-up, etc.), but they can also have very small triggers, which simply remind the person of a larger pain (e.g., a small incident at work can provoke some long-term insecurities and cause a retreat).

A shutdown will move some form of emotional pain to the center of the adult's focus, and he or she may start contemplating "what if" and "if only" scenarios. These thoughts are always counter-productive, because you can't change the past, and they usually only make the person feel entrapped by events. During a shutdown, the adult may collapse into a heap and will generally not have any contact with anyone.




What can be done?

Think of the fight-or-flight response. When a child shuts down, he is in flight mode. In other words, the child is trying to protect himself/herself from real or imagined harm. So, your objective as a parent is to think in terms of assuring the child that he or she is not in harm's way. Here are a few tips to achieve this objective:

1. Children on the autism spectrum often shut down as a result of being teased, rejected or bullied by others (e.g., siblings, peers, etc.). Thus, it's very important to counter any negative messages your son is receiving from others. If those negative messages are coming from teachers or other family members, then you may need to get involved yourself.
 

2. Unlike meltdowns (where it's best to leave the youngster alone - but in a safe place), it's generally helpful to talk in a soothing voice during a shutdown. Just make sure that you're careful what you say - and keep things positive. The only thing to remember when soothing your son during a shutdown is that you're still dealing with a child on the autism spectrum. Don't try to force eye contact, and don't touch him without either being invited to do so - or being cautious to see the reaction first.

3.  Send him a text message (assuming he has a cell phone) voicing your concern. In this way, you are less likely to elicit an immediate and defensive reaction. The advantage of a text message is that it allows stepping away from the situation and invites reflection and thought.  

4. When your son is in shutdown mode, don’t talk directly to him. When possible, let him overhear you expressing your concern (in a non-critical and non-judgmental way) to someone else (e.g., a spouse). In this way, you are giving your son a chance to understand your concern with no immediate response called for on his part. Your son is more likely to hear your words as concern rather than an attempt to control. You are giving him an opening to talk when he is ready.

5. When your son shuts down, sometimes the best thing you can do is whisper, because it is so different from what he normally hears. If you get down at his level and whisper, then he has to pay closer attention to what you're saying in order to hear you. He will be very curious as to what you're saying (e.g., "I see you're upset. I want you to know that I'm here to listen to you when you're ready to talk. In the meantime, you are safe and nobody is going to hurt you.").


More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 


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Parents’ Comments:

•    Anonymous said... my son has shutdowns more than meltdowns i never knew there was more than one kind... thanks for the post makes sence now weve been told to grab and hold him when hes trying to hurt himself since it can get serious. he still managed to bang his head good last one we had. does anyone else see a kid that doesnt remember what happened in a shutdown? ours claims he cant remember its what led us to the therapist saying something is wrong... they said aspergers. he was missdiagnosed for years
•    Anonymous said... My daughter is also more prone to shutdown more than meltdown as she has such a beautiful and caring nature. She has now learnt that rather than going through the frustration of trying to explain herself verbally, it's much easier for her to draw a picture or act it out (the arts, both visual and performing, are a life long obsession) and she asks for visual cues when she can't understand whats being explained to her, or she simply says "I don't understand, can you please show me another way?" So she is basically overcoming her difficulties her own way to avoid frustration.
•    Anonymous said... My 4-year-old is just like this. I hadn't read anything about shutdowns before, but this is exactly what he does when he is distressed (hides under the bed, curls up on the floor, etc.).
•    Anonymous said... My 8 yr old has meltdowns at home, but he will shutdown at school, so that's when I get a phone call to come and get him.
•    Anonymous said... I don't know what's worse. My 5 year old has the mother of all meltdowns. It's so hard. However I'm sure that it feels helpless when your child goes into shutdown mode.
•    Anonymous said... Thank you so much for sharing this!
•    Anonymous said... I had not read about shutdowns before either - this is so so helpful!
•    Anonymous said... I must admit I hadn't realised shutdown was a thing, my son has meltdowns, but they are few and far between just now, he seems to have switched to shut downs instead. His self harming behaviour is not present during shutdowns, just meltdowns. I would rather deal with a shut down, but after reading this I realise I still have a lot to do :) Thank you x
•    Unknown said... Thank you so much for this information. Both my husband and son were diagnosed with HFA. I am learning much about the issue surrounding the disorder, and through mistakes and life experience. I hope this article helps others as well.
•    Upside Down Cake said... I can tell you shut downs are pretty horrible. When I have one I can't even talk. People around me will think I'm being rude but I'm not, I literally have no control. For me I normally get them with too much stimulation but they can be the result of a build up of stress. I also have partial shut downs which can last for days and leave me needing my bed the whole time. I find these partial shut downs are caused but stress and I can face going out or having contact in any form with the outside world. It is nice tho if there is a calm caring person around to make tea and give sympathy. During these partial shut downs I am totally drain and I suffer with a lot of pains, my arms go numb too xx
•    Multiple Me's said... My aspie had a total shutdown for 6 months in school and his teacher never communicated that to me. He was then placed in a gifted class and struggled to catch up. Meltdowns and shutdowns were his entire life until he was diagnosed with a new mood disorder and treated. Once I put him in online school, he became a different boy and started articulating what had happened in his mind for 2 years. The poor child was in such pain, yet at 12 yrs was able to finally start talking and so intuitively it was shocking. That was when we finally got the ASD (aspie) diagnosis. His schooling caught up, straight A's for two years, advanced classes, and even high school math credit in 8th grade. We're able to work through meltdowns and shutdowns quickly now because we both look for triggers and work them out. I wish I had this article when he was a toddler and either started his violent meltdowns or seemed secretive and stoic and wouldn't cry or talk. He still doesn't cry, even when hurt, so I know he continues to escape.

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High-Functioning Autism and Associated (Comorbid) Disorders

“We’re in the process of having our son assessed for high functioning autism. We’ve had numerous problems in the past that have brought us to this point. The doc said he believes our son may have several ‘comorbid’ conditions as well. What other conditions might there be?”

When a youngster has one or more conditions along with the main disorder, it is defined as comorbid and comorbidity. High-Functioning Autism (HFA) – also called Asperger’s (AS) – is listed as an Autism Spectrum Disorder and rarely travels alone. Nearly 100% of the time, the child will have other issues that will need to be addressed.

Here are some of the common comorbid conditions associated with HFA and AS:

1. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a very common comorbid condition of HFA and AS. Here the youngster is unable to concentrate and becomes impulsive to a great degree.

2. Depression and anxiety are the two most common disorders found in a youngster with AS or HFA. Adolescents on the autism spectrum often suffer from depression, which may be caused by (a) being bullied and teased, and (b) coming to the realization that they are different from their “typical” peers. Some of these young people have been known to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to deal with their plight.

3. Dyspraxia is when a youngster is not able to coordinate or perform certain acts in spite of having the prior plan for it. This disorder is one reason why kids with HFA and AS have always been described as clumsy.

4. Meltdowns are “tantrum-like” behaviors in HFA and AS children. Yelling, hitting, screaming, or a complete shutdown (e.g., covering the face and becoming withdrawn) are common during a meltdown.

5. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is something that is found in most kids on the autism spectrum. The child adheres to strict routines, and she likes to keep every particular object in one particular way – and when changed, she may get very distressed. This is one habit which later on leads to OCD.

6. Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a condition in which a youngster displays an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, hostile, and annoying behavior toward people in authority. The youngster’s behavior often disrupts his normal daily activities within the family and at school.

7. Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is common among those that have AS or HFA. In this case, the youngster becomes overly-sensitive to the various sensory stimulations (e.g., forms an intense dislike of loud noises, is easily irritated when dealing with unusual textures, avoids certain foods because they taste bitter, etc.).

8. Tourette’s syndrome is when a youngster exhibits repetitive vocal or motor tics. Most kids diagnosed with Tourette’s also have AS or HFA.


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PARENTS' COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… A friend of mines son is 14 with aspergers. He wants to interact but has so much trouble. We were all introduced to him as a wonderful child who has an interesting view on life. Our group of friends are great. The 14yr old likes to shake everyones had when they arrive and then walks off. We are glad that despite the fact that he knows how different he is he trys to make an effort. I hope that I am blessed to still have this group of friends when my 7yr old is that old.
•    Anonymous said… Good luck to all - its just who they are, and we just have to adapt and continually educate others so they can too. I just keep up my own mantra: "it's all good" and smile broadly at the fact that while he may be socially challenged, my son is smart and has a heart of gold, despite the fact that he doesn't verbalize it.
•    Anonymous said… He must be high functioning. Aspergers is on the high functioning side of autism anyway - but some are higher than others. So, "uncommon"? I would say yes.
•    Anonymous said… I do think the gap gets bigger as they get older. My son really gets along better with either younger children or adults because of this. He used to quote star wars too, btw, lol! Now he is constantly talking about Final Fantasy 7, and most kids don't even have a clue what that is since it is an old playstation game. Thankfully my hubby is a huge gamer and can carry a conversation with him. lol
•    Anonymous said… I will add my vote to that of the other commenters. My son is the same way - playing 'next to' not with, or fully directing the game choices, character choices, rules and all else whenever he does attempt to play 'with' someone - and forbid they don't want to play along by his rules, then we have arguments and meltdowns because he can't tolerate "that's not how you play". His poor sister - she feels like she can't win; its all about him!
•    Anonymous said… My 7 year old is high function Aspergers. He is overly social but has no boundaries. He hugs and has no personal space. We are often told that there is no way he could have Aspergers but they don't realise that this behavour is only one aspect of Him. When he meltdowns over getting dressed or getting in the car I have no doubt. At the end of the day you are his parent and see Him for who he is and everything he does trust yourself.
•    Anonymous said… My aspie is very social in that he loves being around other kids, but he isn't popular. He highly lacks in social skills despite his "socialness". It's like he wants friends but making friends is hard and he doesn't realize whenever someone is being mean.
•    Anonymous said… My son is almost 8 and the "social rules" have gotten a lot more complicated from when he was 5.
•    Anonymous said… My son is is the same as far as boundaries, when he plays with other kids we have to remind him to back up because he will talk (very loudly) into their face instead of to it. @ Jessica, you're absolutely right, what is accepted at 5 won't be at 8. I know my son also won't understand when someone is being mean to him. You guys gave me lots of food for thought and I really appreciate your input :).
•    Anonymous said… My son loves being with other children but just doesn't seem to know how to play WITH them. He orders them around and expects to play all games his own way. Every year seems to get harder as the social gap between the kids getts wider. In his defense he is starting to learn more and more social ideas though doesn't seem to understand why we do them.
•    Anonymous said… Ryan was diagnosed HFA/Asperger's and he is how you guys describe. He loves people, but has no social "skills" -- he can't tell when people don't want to play with him or talk to him. He tries to hug on perfect strangers in stores and such. He is bossy with HOW games are played (everyone has to follow his rules or they can't play anywhere near him). I don't think that this type of social behavior is uncommon at all for Aspies. Many areas of documentation explain this as fairly typical Asperger's behavior... it's one of the determining factors that separates it from other areas on the spectrum. They generally WANT friends, they just don't know HOW to make them, where other auties are more or less oblivious to everyone else around them. What seems to happen as the children get older and the social gap becomes larger and your Aspie son is still quoting comic books and Star Wars characters when all the other boys are chasing girls, they become less social. They learn that the other kids don't want to do the things they want to do, and then they begin to focus less on the social interaction.
•    Anonymous said… This summer we sent them to "social skills camp" for the summer (so they could both learn), where the whole focus was on learning those skills - they are teaching the "how to" very systematically. Rome wasn't built in a day, but after 6 weeks we've seen improvement. 
*    Anonymous said... My 5 year old Aspie has all the tell tale signs of Asperger's syndome, to the point where it seems like everything I've ever read was written with him in mind. Except for one key difference...my son is extremely social. He is very popular among other kids, they almost fight for his attention. They love the fact that he can recite comic books word for word, and remembers the names of even the most obscure Star Wars characters, and because he is a people pleaser he will share anything he has to maintain the friendship. He worries very much about how other kids see him and trys obsessively to fit in. I know all children with Asperger's syndrome are different, but my question is, is this very uncommon in Asperger's? I feel people "don't believe" he is on the spectrum because of his social skills.
 
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Gender Differences in High-Functioning Autism

"It seems that there are more boys than girls with the high functioning version of autism. Is this true? If so, what accounts for the difference?"

Interestingly, different research studies list the ratio of males to females with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) as being anywhere from 4-10 to 4-1 (i.e., some research suggests that for every 4 males, there is 1 female).

Other studies suggest that the male population is much higher (8-10) relative to females. Obviously, much research is needed in this area.

As there is no known specific cause of autism as yet, researchers don’t know why there seems to be such a diagnostic difference between boys and girls.

A couple things could account for this difference:
1. There could be a hereditary or structural difference in boys that account for such a difference. There are other disorders associated mostly with boys (e.g., hemophilia) that have been found to be related to the genetic basis of the disease.

2. There could be a difference in the way society and therapists diagnose HFA in boys and girls. The behavioral expectations between boys and girls are such that boys are less likely than girls to be “diagnosed” with shyness - and could instead be diagnosed with a mild form of autism. Because the symptoms of HFA aren’t as readily diagnosable as some diseases, mistakes in diagnosis are very possible.

3. Girls with the disorder tend to be safeguarded and nurtured by their “neurotypical” friends who may assist them to deal with challenging interpersonal situations. 

4. Acceptance from peers can cover up many of the problems a girl on the autism spectrum has, so she isn’t recognized by parents, teachers, and other adults. Thus, they are not as likely to suggest psychological and social evaluations.

5. Females on the autism spectrum aren't usually aggressive once they get upset; instead, they tend to be withdrawn and may very easily "fly under the radar" in classrooms and other interpersonal situations (i.e., they often “shutdown” rather than “meltdown”).

As one lady with Asperger's stated: "I am a 50 year old female. My mother was told that I could not start kindergarten when I was 5 years old because I 'was not social enough'. I was held back, even though, at age 7, I was 'still not social enough'. Well, I didn't want to go over and initiate conversation and play tea with the other girls; I thought I was going to school to read BOOKS not socialize. Things haven't changed. After getting my Univ. of WA degree in American history at the age of 47, I was diagnosed at the time with Aspergers. What a relief as I suffered for decades and knew it wasn't 'just shyness'. Girls are 'quiet' sufferers and can frequently be suicidal when socializing is so important with girls and when getting jobs. I am glad I decided to go to college late in life; I had myself diagnosed and a thicker skin by then - I didn't care about social stuff when in college."

6. Females with the disorder can communicate their feelings in a calmer way as compared to their male counterparts.





As a side note, there have been several studies linking HFA and Asperger's in adults with gender identity disorder (i.e., a disorder where an individual feels like they are actually a member of the opposite gender they appear to be).

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Meditations for People on the Autism Spectrum Who Suffer from Chronic Anxiety

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Feeling Like a “Bad” Parent of a Child on the Autism Spectrum

“My son Noah age 10 has been diagnosed with autism (high functioning). He has always been difficult at home, and now I am getting repeated bad reports from his online teacher. Honestly, I feel like I’ve failed my son. I feel like I'm losing my mind at times just trying to make his life easier. Add my other kids too, and it is just pure chaos or eggshells to try to keep Noah from an episode. I’ve tried everything I know to do to help, but my son still remains a mystery at times. All I know to do is keep trying and try to be patient, calm, and strong. I would be curious to know if there are any other parents that feel like they ‘should have’ done a better job. Is it normal to feel like a ‘bad’ parent in this case?”



Discovering a youngster’s special needs is often a puzzling and agonizing process for parents. It’s no surprise that your son with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often mystifies you. As with all children on the autism spectrum, your son has many skills – and deficits. Also, you may have great difficulty understanding how much of his behavior is the nature of the disorder versus how much is simple defiance.

Due to the fact that parenting “special needs” children can so confusing at times, it’s easy for parents to fall into the trap of feeling inadequate and discouraged (e.g., “My child has so many unresolved problems, therefore, I must be a bad parent”). Most parents raising “typical” children do not realize how difficult it is to be a mother or father of a child on the spectrum… until they become one of those parents. 
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Since the symptoms of an autistic child who is “high-functioning” can be so subtle, multiple and difficult to pinpoint, it’s hard for a mother or father to know whether things are normal or not. For example: What are the indications of a child being off course in his or her ability to listen and follow directions? What is the difference between the youngster who is a little clumsy and one who is having significant motor skills problems? What is the difference between a healthy, very active child versus a hyperactive one with HFA? Are my expectations for my child unreasonable? It will take some time for the parent to recognize and articulate concerns about such a child.

Even after a diagnosis, the parent may face a multitude of feelings before she can grasp effectively with the glaring truth that her youngster has a developmental disorder. The parent may even move through a grief cycle that Kubler-Ross described: (a) denying there is a problem, as well as rationalizing why it’s not a problem; (b) dealing with the fear, anger and guilt of having a youngster who experiences many problems; (c) blaming others for the difficult situation; (d) bargaining (e.g., thinking that changing neighborhoods, schools, or physicians will make the situation better); (e) grieving for “what might have been”; and (f) finally coming to acceptance regarding the youngster’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as trying to figure out an effective plan of action.

One of the biggest challenges caretakers may face is the big gap between what their youngster can do – and what he can’t do. Oftentimes, the HFA or AS child is very smart, can reason well, knows a great deal about his favorite subject, yet can’t read or write. Your child’s teacher – and even you, the parent – may be telling the child to “try harder.” But in many cases, the “special needs” child is trying his heart out. These kids often tend to work 10 times harder than their peers, but are still called lazy, spoiled, or “a brat” by some people (e.g., extended family members who have no clue how difficult the challenge is).

Another piece of the puzzle for the parent lies in how difficult it can be to differentiate between a youngster who “can’t” do something versus a youngster who “won’t “do something. For example: “How much parental control should I exert?”  … “How far should I ‘push’ my child?” … “How much should I reduce my expectations?” In this uncertainty, the parent may even ask herself “what is wrong with me?” –  instead of asking “what trials and tribulations is my youngster having to face?” Shifting this focus can be beneficial for both the parent and child.

The HFA youngster may seem to be having behavior problems when, in fact, she is simply struggling to accomplish a task. She may experience a meltdown or a shutdown when a task is too demanding. When the child says she hates something, it’s very difficult for the parent to know if she is being defiant – or simply finds the task to difficult or impossible to complete. For example, if the child hates math or reading, these are likely areas of difficulty. If she loves dance, music, or art – but hates drama – it could be that she has a speech or language problem. On the other hand, what she likes and wants to do usually serve as an indicator of her strengths.

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder



While a formal diagnosis can help, the task of sorting-out these problems on a day-to-day basis is quite a challenge. On a planning level, uncertainty can occur because the child’s teacher, doctor, psychologist or social worker may disagree not only on the diagnosis – but on the optimal treatment strategies or programs for the “special needs” youngster.

This can be aggravating and stress-provoking for the mom or dad who has to pull all the information together and decide what to do – right or wrong. In addition, at home and elsewhere, the parent has to anticipate problems and sense when her child is frustrated, tired, or about to explode. The parent has to trust her gut as to how long her youngster can last at a party, be pleasant with visitors, or sit in a restaurant.

Moms and dads of kids on the spectrum are continually trying to figure out what’s working, what’s not working, what causes the youngster’s aggravation, and what brings the youngster enjoyment. The parent must (a) think carefully; (b) support the youngster’s development; (c) reflect on activities of each day; (d) problem-solve to recognize her youngster’s strengths, interests, and areas of difficulty; (e) come up with plans for managing the youngster’s behavior; and (f) analyze everything! All of this takes time and energy that can be draining at times.

Parenting strategies that include structure without rigidity, nurturing the youngster’s strengths and interests, constant approval of positive behavior, and clear/concise instructions will go a long way in overcoming the obstacles associated with parenting a child on the autism spectrum.

It will take time for both the parent and child to embrace the idea that “being different” does not mean “being inferior” – and in fact, can be a good thing. The parent needs to be nurtured and praised too in order to help her nurture and praise her HFA youngster. You may find that you have used almost every resource you have to help your youngster succeed, but still worry that you are not doing a “good enough” job. But you are! You’re doing the best you know how given the circumstances. 


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… Hang in there. A good school to support you really helps. Every child is wired differently. I have had people yell at me and even was escorted from a mall. I love my son with all my heart. I forgive those people. There is hope. My son is 17 now and he has learned some coping skills. We don’t get out much but that’s ok. He gets out sometimes. God is our strength and our hope. I will pray for you.
•    Anonymous said… he is now at a small private school specifically for kids who just don't do well in the public school system. In Florida, there is a scholarship called the McKay Scholarship for kids which basically gives you the money that the public school system would have used on your child and lets you use that money for private school, so it is free.
•    Anonymous said… I can totally relate to this parent. My son is seven with aspergers. The last two terms has been so bad that the school even calls us to say he need not attend today or call us to come and fetch him. We also have a baby that's also demanding and trust me some days you feel like your only options are to either climb in your car and drife away from the mad house or collapse into a shivering bundle on the floor in a fetal position. As he gets older it feels like the meltdowns and struggles become worse. Where we had 2 bad days in a week or two now we have 2 or 3 good days in a week. We both feel on a daily basis that we are failing our son but you must just pull yourself together and try again the next day. Feeling like a bad parent comes naturally to any parent even ones with children without conditions. Dont beat yourself up.
•    Anonymous said… I do know how you feel. My son is ten and has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD but was first thought to have Aspergers which I still as his mom, ( living in East tx. There are maybe ten or less specialist, 3 take this disability insurance) think he has the violent form of absorbers I've often read about! Maybe it's ODD/absorbers combined?!! Patience, lots of it and do NOT forget the struggles of the siblings. It's very hard on them too. Mine cry often and have separate therapy bc We want to help but our hands are tied! Demand the school adjust or you sue!! Many lawyers are dying to take a discrimination case!! Bc they have to have a program to fit your child's needs. Mine made one and low and behold filled it with 5 other kids a similar issues, poor kids!! Stay strong and always know you aren't alone. My son gets restrained before school quite often n complete strangers come up to me n hug me. Others do care !
•    Anonymous said… I felt that way all the time throughout my son's elementary school years. However, since starting middle school and removing him from public school (which I realized was causing a lot of his problems) he has made soooo much progress. It definitely get easier as they get older and can explain how they feel and what bothers them, etc. I think when my son was younger not only did I not understand a lot of his behavior, he didn't even understand what he was feeling and doing half the time. He's got a much better grip on things now, and we have a great understanding between us now. So, there is hope! Those first few years of school were the absolute hardest for us. Just be there for him and listen to him.  ❤️
•    Anonymous said… I just exhaled, thank you all. I try to ignore this nagging feeling odor doing right by my son. He is fourteen and I have been homeschooling him for two years. I couldn't take the morning meltdowns every day and withdrew him from public school. The meltdowns are better but now I never get a break and miss those few hours at home alone when he was in school. Then I wonder how effective I am at homeschooling and whether I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes I get mad at him and wish he could just be normal then I get mad at myself for even thinking this.
•    Anonymous said… I think we all have moments where we worry that we are failing our child or should be doing something differently. I think that is normal to be honest. There are emotional days (for us and him), but also days of fun and laughter and silliness. You have to take the good with the bad I guess? Hugs to all of you going through this. Sometimes it feels so lonely
•    Anonymous said… I wish I could talk to this person directly. I am going thru the same thing.
•    Anonymous said… I'm at a loss and don't know what to do anymore. My son disobeys me and now tells me things that hurt so much. How did it become this bad?? Am I such a shitty parent that he now tells me he hopes I die?? Ugh..  😭 😭 😭
•    Anonymous said… I'm so grateful to hear others struggle this way too. It is exhausting and hard for the whole family. Watching our child have meltdowns, and watching what it does to our other children, I've started to feel hopeless and like a failure.
•    Anonymous said… My daughter got diagnosed at age 3, she has great support at school and also at home, it takes time to get the right help but there is hope, also a lot prayer helps.
•    Anonymous said… My son didn’t get diagnosed until he was 17 even though I got him referred to CAHMS 4 times the forth time he was so poorly that they believed there was a problem don’t beat yourself up you try everyday and that’s all that matters My sons now 20 and he has very little help and support from professionals it’s just me my son is having fun enjoying his interests that’s fine with me whatever makes him happy
•    Anonymous said… Regularly beat myself up for 'bad' parenting and then beat myself up for being so hard on myself.... all you can do is make the best decisions at that time...sometimes it blows up in your face....take a breath, read some more, get some help, celebrate the positives and hang in there
•    Anonymous said… Trust me, you are NOT a failure. I don't wish others to experience hard times but it is nice to know I am not alone in this struggle. There are good days and not so good days. And times when the older children accuse us of always giving in to Austin because he's a brat. I try to explain how he sees things different, experiences differently and responds differently. Keep your head up, you are not alone.
•    Anonymous said… Very normal to feel this way & don't give up. We do the best we can with the tools were given. There will be days we are at our best & days we are not & it's ok, part of the journey. Parenting a child with Aspergers takes a special kind of love & it sounds as though you have it. Most important thing I can share is self care. The healthier we are as parents the better our children will be. Build a support network & allow yourself to ask for breaks/help , it's the best gift you can give yourself & your family.
•    Anonymous said… wow, that is amazing. We have an incredible school near us, that people from all over the world come to. It is for higher functioning special needs, but it's incredibley expensive ($40K a year!). I keep thinking if he needs it eventually for high school, it is an option (with scholarships, because who can afford that much!).
•    Anonymous said… You are not a bad parent! You only know what you know at the time. Now you know he's on the autism spectrum and you take that information and learn how to parent an autistic child. Stay strong but everyone needs to break down once in awhile and take care of herself first so that you have enough to give to your children. You are not a bad parent and your son is not a bad child you are both just incredibly overwhelmed.

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Helping Parents Understand & Cope with Their Autistic Teenagers

Helping Parents Understand & Cope with Their Autistic Teenagers (Foundations + a 7-Day Starter Plan you can use tonight) Big Picture:...