Aspergers and HFA Child Discipline 101
My 10-year-old son has been getting into trouble on multiple levels
lately. He’s had two referrals at school within the last week, and his
behavior at home is totally unacceptable. We've tried about everything
we know to do at this point. How do you effectively discipline an
obstinate child with autism (high functioning)?
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Comments
I also used to behave badly towards people who had done something I thought was against the rules (even if it was a teacher). A lot of people on the Autism Spectrum have a very rigid way of thinking. They often have difficulty understanding what you say vs what you actually mean. If you explain things in very simply, they may think you actually mean it that way. If your child does something after s/he has already been asked not to, say something like, "Alex, why did you do that after I asked you not to?" Rather than saying stuff like, "Alex! When someone tells you not to do something, that means don't do it," or, "Ok, Alex (punishment or consequence), because I asked you not to do something, and you did it anyway." Of course, if there's no negotiation, and the behavior is not acceptable EVER, then say things like, "Tyler, no name calling, " or, "Tyler (punishment or consequence), because you called your sibling an idiot."
I also used to be mean to people who were behaving in ways I was taught were not ok. If this is what's going on, make sure to explain to your child (at a time when s/he is calm, of course), that some kids aren't taught about good and bad behavior at home, or don't get it in the same dosage as s/he does. Let's say your kid has been taught to say please and thank you, but s/he hears another kid demanding something
Parent: I heard you called Sam a butthead at school today.
Kid: yes
Parent: name calling is never ok (explain why). If I ever hear of you doing this again there will be severe consequences (list some of you feel it's necessary).
Kid: But during lunch today, Sam went to the lunch ladies and said, "I WANT SOME MORE MEATBALLS!" And s/he should know by now to say, "can I have some more meatballs, please?"
Parent: it's upsetting to you when people say rude things like that, isn't it.
Kid: yes, it is. Because Sam should know to ask politely!
Parent: I can understand why, because you have always been taught to be polite.
Kid: yeah
Parent: but maybe Sam's parents haven't taught him/her that. Or maybe s/he just doesn't get it in the same way you do, and maybe s/he just isn't ready for that next step yet.
Kid: maybe?
Parent: maybe next time someone does it, you can take them aside and remind them nicely about asking politely.