More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning.
Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him,
rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression.
As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and
depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.
Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown
temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from
ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child
is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are
totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the
least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into
the next - the meltdown can return in full force.
Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the
autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a
teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an
average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for
even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’
disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.
Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and
he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse
strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face
many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for
teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one
mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do." Click here to read the full article…
Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are
“mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and
intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to
identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits
reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he
or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish,
insensitive and uncaring. Click here to read the full article...
Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her
“out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress,
anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have
difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults
may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display
symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.
An Individualized Education Program (IEP) is more than just a legal requirement—it is a roadmap for your child’s educational success. For parents of autistic children, working hand-in-hand with teachers to build an IEP that reflects both strengths and challenges can transform the school experience. Here’s how you can play an active role in helping teachers create a powerful IEP that truly supports your child.
1. Understand the Purpose of the IEP
The IEP is designed to give your child access to education in a way that fits their unique learning profile. It covers:
Current performance levels (academic, social, emotional, and functional)
Goals and objectives tailored to your child’s needs
Accommodations and modifications that help them succeed
Support services such as speech, occupational therapy, or social skills training
When parents clearly understand these components, they can more effectively collaborate with teachers.
2. Share a Complete Picture of Your Child
Teachers may only see your child in one environment—the classroom. You see them at home, in the community, and across different settings. Provide insight into:
Strengths (areas of interest, talents, and what motivates them)
Challenges (sensory sensitivities, communication barriers, transitions, or social dynamics)
Successful strategies you use at home (visual supports, structured routines, calming techniques)
This whole-child perspective helps teachers write goals that are not only realistic but also personalized.
3. Focus on Strength-Based Goals
IEPs should not just list deficits; they should highlight strengths and use them as building blocks. For example:
If your child loves trains, teachers might use train-themed word problems in math.
If your child thrives on routine, incorporating predictable daily schedules can reduce anxiety.
By framing goals around strengths, teachers can foster motivation and self-confidence.
4. Collaborate on SMART Goals
Effective IEP goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound (SMART). Instead of a vague goal like “will improve social skills,” aim for something measurable:
“Within one semester, the student will initiate a conversation with a peer at least twice during structured group activities, with minimal adult prompting.”
As a parent, ask for clarity on how goals will be measured and what data teachers will collect.
5. Advocate for the Right Accommodations and Supports
Parents often have valuable insights into what helps their child thrive. Consider asking teachers to include:
Visual supports (schedules, social stories, checklists)
Instructional supports (chunking assignments, extended time, use of assistive technology)
Social-emotional supports (peer buddy systems, social skills groups, access to a quiet space)
The goal is not to lower expectations but to remove barriers to learning.
6. Keep Communication Open and Consistent
A powerful IEP isn’t static—it evolves as your child grows. Regular communication ensures that progress is tracked and adjustments are made. Helpful practices include:
Weekly or bi-weekly updates from the teacher
A communication notebook or app for quick notes between home and school
Scheduled check-ins with the IEP team to review progress
When parents and teachers act as partners, small issues are addressed before they become major obstacles.
7. Prepare for IEP Meetings Like a Team Member
Parents often feel intimidated in IEP meetings, but remember—you are the expert on your child. To prepare:
Write down concerns and priorities before the meeting.
Bring documentation (evaluations, doctor’s notes, or behavioral observations).
Ask clarifying questions until you fully understand each part of the plan.
Celebrate progress as much as you address challenges.
Your presence helps ensure the IEP reflects not just academic needs, but your child’s overall well-being.
8. Teach Your Child to Self-Advocate (When Appropriate)
As children mature, it is powerful for them to have a voice in their IEP. Even small contributions—like choosing a preferred accommodation—can empower them. Over time, this fosters independence and confidence.
9. Remember: The IEP Is a Living Document
Don’t be afraid to request a review if the plan isn’t working. Federal law allows for adjustments at any time, not just during annual reviews. A good IEP is flexible and responsive.
NOTE: The most powerful IEPs are built on trust, collaboration, and a shared vision for your child’s success. By actively working with teachers—sharing insights, advocating for supports, and maintaining open communication—you help create a plan that doesn’t just address challenges, but also unlocks your child’s potential.
===================================
Parent IEP Checklist: Partnering With Teachers for Your Autistic Child
✅ Before the IEP Meeting
Review your child’s current IEP (if one exists) and note strengths, challenges, and unmet goals.
Gather documentation (evaluations, medical notes, progress reports, behavioral data).
Write down 3–5 priorities you want addressed (academic, social, emotional, or functional).
Ask your child (if appropriate) what helps them learn best and what frustrates them.
Bring examples of what works at home (visual schedules, sensory tools, calming strategies).
✅ During the IEP Meeting
Share your child’s strengths and interests to ensure a positive, strength-based plan.
Confirm that goals are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound).
Ask: “How will progress be measured, and how often will data be collected?”
Review accommodations (sensory breaks, assistive tech, extended time, flexible seating).
Make sure your child’s social-emotional needs (peer support, quiet spaces, social skills training) are included if needed.
Speak up if something seems unclear or unrealistic. Ask for plain-language explanations.
Request a copy of the finalized IEP before leaving.
✅ After the IEP Meeting
Set up a communication system (weekly updates, notebook, or digital app).
Share any changes at home that may affect your child’s school performance.
Monitor progress: ask for data, not just impressions.
Keep notes on what works or doesn’t—bring these to future meetings.
Celebrate progress, no matter how small, with your child and the IEP team.
Remember: You can request an IEP review anytime if the plan isn’t working.
=============================
Example IEP for “Alex” (Grade 6, Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder)
Strengths: Strong visual learner, excellent memory for facts, motivated by technology and science topics, enjoys routines and structured environments.
Challenges: Difficulty with social communication (initiating conversations, reading social cues), sensory sensitivities (noise, crowded settings), anxiety with transitions, and challenges with group work.
Present Levels of Performance
Academic: Reading and math on grade level; writing slightly below grade level due to difficulty organizing ideas.
Social/Emotional: Struggles with initiating peer interactions, but responds well when peers engage first. Shows anxiety during unstructured times (recess, cafeteria).
Communication: Understands instructions but may need directions broken into smaller steps. Sometimes misinterprets figurative language.
Functional: Needs support with time management and transitioning between tasks.
Annual Goals (SMART)
Academic Goal
Goal: Alex will improve written expression by organizing ideas into a 3-paragraph essay with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and conclusion in 4 out of 5 assignments, as measured by teacher rubric by May 2025.
Social-Emotional Goal
Goal: Alex will independently initiate a peer interaction (greeting, question, or comment) in structured settings (group projects, partner work) at least 2 times per week, documented in teacher observations, by the end of the school year.
Communication Goal
Goal: Alex will identify and correctly interpret figurative language (e.g., idioms, metaphors) with 80% accuracy in class assignments by the end of the second semester.
Functional/Organizational Goal
Goal: Using a visual planner, Alex will transition between classroom activities within 2 minutes in 4 out of 5 observed opportunities, by March 2025.
Accommodations & Modifications
Preferential seating (front of class, away from noise and distractions).
Access to noise-canceling headphones during independent work and tests.
Visual schedule posted on desk and classroom board.
Extra time (50% more) for tests and writing assignments.
Directions given in both verbal and written form.
Allowed to take short sensory breaks as needed.
Option to work with a peer buddy during group projects.
Related Services
Speech Therapy: 30 minutes, twice per week (focus on pragmatic/social language).
Occupational Therapy (OT): 30 minutes, once per week (focus on sensory regulation and fine motor for writing).
Social Skills Group: 1x per week, 30 minutes with school counselor.
Progress Monitoring
Teachers will collect data weekly and report progress to parents every 9 weeks.
Goals will be reviewed and adjusted mid-year if needed.
Parent Input
Parents request continued emphasis on building independence and self-advocacy.
Parents note that Alex benefits from visual reminders and responds well to positive reinforcement.
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning.
Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him,
rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression.
As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and
depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.
Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown
temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from
ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child
is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are
totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the
least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into
the next - the meltdown can return in full force.
Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the
autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a
teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an
average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for
even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’
disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.
Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and
he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse
strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face
many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for
teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one
mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do." Click here to read the full article…
Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are
“mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and
intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to
identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits
reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he
or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish,
insensitive and uncaring. Click here to read the full article...
Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her
“out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress,
anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have
difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults
may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display
symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.
