HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

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COMMENTS & QUESTIONS [for March, 2017]

 Do you need some assistance in parenting your Aspergers or HFA child? Click here to use Mark Hutten, M.A. as your personal parent coach.

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Mark,

I find there a lack of supports where I live. Since he's been kicked out of school (behavior and substance use)and now having to attend the At Risk Youth Program for schooling, I am still concerned that my son is not getting what he really needs which is:
-Coping Skills
-Learning realistic thinking and emotional regulation skills
-Learning to take responsibility for his doings/ and show remorse.
-pro-social communication
-learning self control and how to control his impulses
-Problem solving
With being 6 months away from being 18 (considered an adult here in Manitoba Canada) he is no more near appropriate acting age which scares me. I worry that he has few anti social traits and will turn into that for adulthood.

What are your thoughts on Dialectical Behavior Therapy for ADHD and ODD?

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Mark,

I try, I'm all about structure since he was little after my schooling in child psychology.

Funny you say military, we are a military family... This is why I believe we struggle with patenting. My husband is very drill sargent authoritarian and I am authoritative... I've always been the parent to sit my kids down and discuss stuff, talk about what we did wrong, how we can make better choices and what kinds of ideas we can do next time we're in that situation.....

So far my week with him has been fabulous.
He managed to only disrespect my rules once of the drugs being done in my house, and actually did when his dad was home, which dad in return flushed down the toilet. My son proceeded to call him a effing dink. Normally my husband would have reacted hugely and done something, but instead he says he has followed through with ignoring the behavior.

I hope and pray I'm on the right track, not sure how much longer I can live in chaos.

Thanks for your words, advice and direction.

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I am emailing to see whether your program will work for me. In a nutshell, I have more behavior problems from my husband that is worse than both of my children put together. He has been diagnosed with ADHD in the past and i am constantly having to talk with him about his behavior and the destructiveness it causes in the household. Whenever I do try to engage him in a mature manner he gets worse. He deliberately does exactly what you ask him not to do and when I ask him to stop he makes rude noises, gestures, he twists it and it is always my fault. I feel so frustrated because I already have two children and there are many days that are completely and totally taken up with him and his behavior to the point my other two children get left out or subject to the best mustered up care I can give them under the circumstances. If i am working with one of my actual children, he will come along and undermine everything i am doing. I often feel robbed of a household other women take for granted. I do not have the luxury of having relaxing evenings at home, and anytime he does happen to be up in the mornings during the week, he creates chaos. I literally have to wait till he goes to work before i can get anything done around the house and find myself having to hide my attempts at running an effective household or he meddles and nothing i try to accomplish becomes a reality. He makes very little attempt to behave in an adult way, yet expects intimacy like an adult. I am at my wits end.

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Dear Mr. Hutten,
I must start by expressing my immense gratitude for all your work. Your articles, books, and videos have been a life saver and an impotence for me to try again to repair my marriage.
My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years. We have 8 children together. Our oldest is married and has his own baby. We have stayed committed to the relationship albeit a challenge from the very beginning.
The first fifteen years of my marriage were primarily dictated by my husband's (obsessive) studying. I was very supportive of his efforts, and  our families helped us out financially. I took on all of the family responsibilities. I single handily took care of the children, shopped for everything, payed  the bills ,and managed all our vacations and outings.
When we did spend time together there were always misunderstandings. He was very rigged in his thinking and I spent so many years negotiating  to get him to be flexible about almost everything. He is a loner personality. So convincing him to reach out for advise or help has been my biggest challenge.
I thought he suffered from ADD, OCD, and social anxiety.
The last 10 years have been a mini hell on earth. Our families wanted us to become financially independent. Naturally I took on that burden once again. My husband has never had a job. I was pregnant with my last child when I started to deteriorate emotionally. My husband was going through a depression. I think he was finally coming to terms with his limitations. He could no longer hide behind a book.
This was around 2008. Our investments were not producing and money was difficult for everyone. At that point I was living over seas. My extended  family had moved back to the US and I was left with a large family to care for by myself. Of course   my husband was by my side but more like a child than a partner. In addition he required that I treat him like a partner and with an unusual amount of respect. He was so insecure that everything I said was consistently misinterpreted.
When I would get angry or hurt, he would then retreat and I became the aggressor.
I started experiencing postpartum depression. I got on medication but it made me very tired. The family started falling apart and my mother insisted we come back to live near her in Florida.
It was traumatic to move an entire family. Many of my children did not read or write English. I had to find a job and I was coming with 3 children who were challenging. Two with ADHD and one who we finally got diagnosed (several month ago) with AS/HFA.We moved to Lakewood, NJ for the many resources available to families in our Orthodox Jewish Community.
After facilitating every opportunity, I waited and waited for him to get a job. It never happened. I was attached to him in an unhealthy way showing signs of co dependence. I tried to get help for myself. We tried marriage counseling. He tried getting help for OCD. We tried imago therapy. But as much as we wanted to make it work that is how much it just didn't.
We separated and it was painful for everyone. My kids were just relieved that there was no more fighting, meltdowns, and crying fits. I have started repairing.
At first we were not having any communication I was worn out and he cut himself off from me. My sister started becoming the go between and she brought it to my attention that he has Aspergers. I had always suspected it, but I was in denial, mainly because I really didn't know enough about the syndrome.
My AS son sees a nurse practice monthly for medication refills. Several months ago we saw her and I told her about our separation. She also sees my husband regularly for Prozac and Vyvanse. She assumed I knew he had Aspergers and started discussing it with me. I wasn't sure how it was so clear to her. So I started googling and reading and I came across your u tube videos. What an eye opener!!! An understatement.
I started to understand that everything I knew in my heart that wasn't right, had a name and a reason for it. Something beyond my capacity to change.
I downloaded your Ebook on Living with an Aspergers partner. I am 40% through it.
I can't believe all this time has gone by. I have been so hurt and my children have been in so much pain. My husband is 49 years old and I hope we can still save the rest of our lives. I know things will never be the way I thought they should be but I am ready to embrace a new reality and work to get the relationship to a happier and healthier place.
My husband is still having a hard time accepting his diagnosis but his nurse practitioner was very straight out with him.
My husband is not living at home but looking for work and admits to needing to help himself first and foremost.
I need a therapist to help us as a couple to move forward. How can you help us?
We have done therapy through skype in the past.
If you are not available who are the resources you recommend in New Jersey.
I have reached out to my son's social skills therapist but there is no one in our community who deals with Aspergers and especially the way you do!
Thank you again for your life altering work,

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My name is Kay. To be honest, I'm not sure if you're who I should be contacting regarding this. For the past year or more, I've suspected I may have Asperger's or another spectrum disorder but haven't been sure what to do about it. I've periodically Googled for resources, but it's difficult to find any for adults and the process for getting diagnosed as an adult is still unclear to me. (I am a 27yo female.) I happened to find your page (http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2014/08/skype-counseling-for-adults-with.html?m=1) and wondered if you are capable of diagnosing someone or if you may be able to point me in the right direction in that regard. Thank you very much in advance for any answers you may have and I hope you have a pleasant weekend.

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I have a 15 year old who was adopted 4 years ago and lived with me for a year before
that as a foster child (she is actually my niece -- but did not really know me much before hand)

We have other daughters older and one younger then her.

She just will not do what she is told, she will not interact with others in the family, and when
we have company over she acts like an angel...so her behavior is by choice.

I have taken everything away, I have tried time out, I have tried having her write sentences, essays, letters of apology -- nothing is working.

I have made her sit out of family actives, and with advance warning of her consequences she has even gone to a theme park with the family and not rode on one single ride all weekend because she will not apologize for actions, or would rather not participate in a birthday party/cake/ etc vs. just saying the words Happy Birthday to a sibling.

I am at the end of my rope, I have tried counseling and they drop her because she refuses to participate and will not speak, to therapists and psychiatrists.

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My 10 yo daughter has recently been diagnosed with aspberger's traits/tendencies. She is having trouble with school and her social circle, and her teacher is also at a loss, despite being so very helpful with her for the past year and a half. She has been in therapy for a number of years and two social skills groups, and it has just been recently that this has been suggested, and her new psychiatrist does concur.

She's incredibly bright and bored.  Home seems to be pretty stable, but we do have bumps in the road.  She is in 4th grade. we have dealt with it on and off. She did 18 months of neurofeedback and about 8 months of a token economy.  My husband says that he was just like her when he was a kid, and he could very well be aspberger's(now a successful engineer), and aware that he has some of these same tendencies.

She already goes to a public, yet alternative (open program) school.  The girls in her class as much more socially sophistocated, not necessarily in a good way, but she doesn't get it.  The more she acts out, the worse they treat her (of course), and the worse she gets.  Her teacher is great, but is about to pull his hair out.  Whenever there is a sub, she makes a point of telling them that she doesn't have to listen to them because they aren't her teacher, and it's not their classroom. He, too, has difficulty at times. She's dangerously close to puberty, as well.  It will be within the year, based on her development.

Her teacher even said we should go out for a beer to brainstorm.  That's the best kind of teacher, from my point of view!  I would love to have some ideas in mind before we meet.  Better yet, have some changes already in place, if possible.  Things seem to be worsening.

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Dear Parenting Coach:

My name is Scott Pralinsky. I'm a psychologist who works with troubled teens. I've been living and working in Costa Rica for 15 years now, and run a summer camp for teens. 


We have had amazing success over the years with our youth who attend the camp. I'm very proud of what we've been able to accomplish over the years.

I'd love to have some help in promoting this experience. I'd be willing to offer you a 15% commission on any teens you could send our way who book and pay. 

I'm available to speak via phone or Skype if you'd like some information. 

Thank you for the work you do. I really feel the frustration from the parents I work with. And I'm glad you're able to support them in meaningful ways!

Warm regards,


Scott Pralinsky      
Founder & Executive Director           
Phone:  +1 218-506-TICO (8426)

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