HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

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COMMENTS & QUESTIONS [for June, 2016]

Do you need some assistance in parenting your Aspergers or HFA child? Click here to use Mark Hutten, M.A. as your personal parent coach.

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Hi Mark..
I am working on the 4 week program with My Asperger Child ebook & I am excited about the positive changes that I believe I will see.  I am raising my grandson, Tenzin who has been diagnosed with HFA, ODD, anxiety & ADHD.  Tenzin is 10 and is a handful.  After taking the quiz I realize dhow over-indulgent I have become in my quest to avoid the daily battles.  Now I am able to see where I need to change things with him & myself.  I am very interested in your ebook My Out of Control Child.  How do I go about ordering this.

I have also read your Teaching Students with Aspergers & HFA and Teaching Social Skills & Emotional Management.

Thank you for the work that you do in this area.  It really makes a difference.

Namaste...

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Thank you Mark.
At this moment, I am beside myself with worry although I am not fearful.
My son Nicholas, who is 14 has not been diagnosed with Asperger's but I believe he has it.
We live in Trinidad and Tobago but Nicholas is a U.S. citizen by birth.  We returned home 10 years ago.
He has been doing well at school and we always thought he was a bit quirky but fine.
Now he has hit a wall with his studies.  He's accustomed to doing well academically but now he complains of feeling burnout,
is sad and depressed and will simply not study or do any work at all.  Today is the end of year exams and he is suffering severely;
so are we.
There are no known professionals in the field here, although many are knowledgeable about the condition.
Your newsletter and linen of communication is a God send.
Thanks so very much.
Jacqui

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Dear Mr. Hutten,
I work at a Jr/Sr High School in a rural town in Nevada. I am the attendance secretary on top of taking care of the ISS students. I am always having parents come to me all upset and not knowing what to do because their child refuses to come to school and they are a handful at home as well. The parents are always saying they just do not know what to do anymore. I am always researching things on the internet that might help these parents. I came across your site. It sounded pretty good, so I bought the book in hopes that it would have some good information I could pass on to these parents. If everything looks as good as it sounds, I would like to give the parents a copy of the website so they can check it out for themselves and see if it would be of any help to them in dealing with their children.
If you have any other information that might benefit these parents, and would like to send it on, I would appreciate it.
Thank You!

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Hello Mark, I just purchased your handbook. Your YouTube videos and website have gotten me the closest yet to understanding my son's issues. He is very high functioning and not a single teacher or counselor at school has raised a flag yet, but we know something is wrong and we always have. He's been to different social workers / Counselors because of what we thought were bullying tendencies to the point of hurting his twin brother (both physically and damaging/breaking his spirit) - but even the social workers have not had much effect nor given me any feedback that any makes sense. The breaking point that really pushed me to research much deeper online than just the basic "10 signs of Autism" was last week when he had a friend over for a play date (which my son begged for and wanted) but the child ended up going home early, upset and crying because my son just ended up ignoring him and not caring about what his friend wanted to do. And my son just did not 'get it' when I tried to explain, for the millionth time, how friendships and play dates work. It's as if he really wants to have friends and relationships, but when he tries, they fizzle. I ended up forcing my son to call his friend on the phone later that day to apologize and I had to give him the exact words to use ("I'm sorry for hurting your feelings")  - but I now I realize that my son didn't even understand what he was forced to apologize for.

Anyway - my husband and I have a million other stories like this one. Met with pediatrician on Monday and are now in process of trying to get him evaluated for whatever this is. We are very scared and so upset over this.

I will read your handbook and if I could reach out to you going forward it would be great.

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Hello, I am 23 years old, female and I think I might have Aspergers or ADD. I am consulting with someone to get a formal diagnosis. Well, but I have been very high functioning at least till now, but I am finding it very difficult to cope. Could you let me know if you could help me out. Mainly, the thing is I have this urge to keep moving( I have to live in a new city every year), and that has really hurt my social life. And I don't like admitting that I have social anxiety. There is this other problem that I avoid doing my finances or paying my bills and I can never seem to eat meals on time. Also I get easily overwhelmed by minor things. Also I have a degree that I have failed to complete. My parents think I am just misbehaving or taking it too easy but I feel like I am trying so hard and still nothing is working out. So, any help you could provide will be great.
I remember when I was a teenager, I bought a book that explained how to do your daily tasks like grooming, putting on clothes and a classmate laughed at me t, but I really wish I kept that book with me.

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Hi Mark,

Thank you for your quick reply.
It was such a relief to read your info as it keeps things simply clear and just what we need, as my 19 year old wonderful boy is feeling very isolated at university.  It is a common problem for him.
I have not yet told him I think he has Asbergers which I think he has, at the very high functioning end. 
I would be very grateful if you know of any groups or individual communication in put that he could get in London that follows your style or even better if you are running any talks etc in England.
If you could let me know I would be very gratefully.
Thank you once I was at my wits end before reading your info this morning as my son keeps asking me what's wrong with him and why people won't include him or in his words "let him in" socially.

Kind regards, Anne

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Dear Mark

I  purchased your ebook a couple of months ago. I have read it and listened to the audio as well. Your material is the only material I have ever read that exactly describes and identifies with the experience I have had with my son. You have an insight into this subject that is unique. This has given me great hope. Thank you.

I found the audio especially helpful. Listening to the emails sent to you from parents, their experiences with their sons are so strikingly similar to my own situation they made me realise my family is not alone in dealing with these issues.

We live in England. My son is now 23. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 5. Growing up he was a difficult child. As soon as he started school the teaching staff began to report difficulties. Basically it was found he just could not learn at the same pace as other children nor could he maintain a happy coexistence with the other children in class. I was constantly being called in through all his school years to help with managing his behaviours.

He left school at 16 with minimal qualification. He at least learned to read and write.

He chose to go to college where he did a vocational work preparation course.

Since leaving there he has had several jobs all of which he lost in exactly the same ways the parents described in your audio material. I.e he appears to sabotage his jobs by exhibiting non cooperative behaviour after a very short period of time. He will deliberately break workplace rules over and over until he is fired.

If I were to describe all aspects of his behaviour over the years and list all the incredible, bizarre, dangerous and distressing situations that the family have lived through with him, it would run to pages and pages and pages. A book in fact.

Living with my son is driving me and my wife towards insanity and our family towards breakup.

I wish your material was available to us when he was young. If we then could have moderated his behaviours by using your techniques I am sure we could have avoided at least some of the disastrous happenings we have experienced. I am trying as best I can to use your techniques now. I am hoping it's not too late to help him change.

To describe the current situation:
He is living in a tent in my back yard. We can't trust him at night in the house. Social services refuse to house him saying they can't place him anywhere. They housed him in various places for nearly a year but he kept being evicted due to his behaviours. Over the past year we have also tried placing him with relatives, even setting him up in a nice shared flat near to one of his workplaces but all ended in utter failure due to his outrageous behaviour.

He fills his days with watching videos on the Internet and playing video games on a console.

When he loses his temper he smashes up his own possessions most of which are things we bought for him. He has destroyed thousands of pounds worth of phones, computers, televisions, games consoles, iPods, bicycles etc. He also smashed up his own car (bought with his disability money). He has also broken much furniture, dishes, doors and windows in my home.

He has self harmed, cutting his arms many times. Recently he has broken his wrist and damaged the other one. He also jumped off a first floor balcony and injured his knee.

On several occasions recently he has injured me, including punching and throwing objects at me. He has also punched his mother and pushed her to the ground on several occasions.

He has called the police out many many times. This is an obsession with him. We can't allow him to posses a phone anymore for this reason and besides, he smashes every phone he gets.

He now has a criminal record for wasting police time and arson.

His mother does most of the caring for him as I have full time job and she recently lost hers due to redundancy.

He has developed a serious drinking problem.

He will not eat regular meals despite all food being provided. Some days he will not eat anything. I am convinced he uses this as a tool to distress his mother.

Generally he is extremely manipulative of the whole family usually by using his bad temper and threats to smash things up as the means of control.

He doesn't seem to be able to function on his own without constant hourly supervision by his mother. This cannot continue because she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

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My grandson is 7.  He is a bright kid who has had a tough environment that has improved tremendously over the past 12 months.  He used to have one melt down after another when he was 1-4 years old but has progressed to the point where I have not seen one for over a year and at home he has minimal disagreements with his mother (we did nurtured heart).  The problem is school.  He occasionally has a total meltdown, throwing desks, etc.  The school then calls his mother who has to come and get him.  When she asks what happens they can’t tell her.  When we ask him, he has told me the other kids are “annoying”.  She is so frustrated and afraid of losing her job that she has gotten him prescribed anxiety medication which I do not think is a solution and frankly scares me.  It also is not really helping.  He does not have many friends and the couple he has have behavior problems worse than his, he gets along fine with his family.  His mother, my husband and I are all trying to think of a way to stop the outbursts without being there…do you think this social skills series would help us, help him?  We are hoping to get him back into a regular classroom, the “team” at school complains constantly about his behavior and he behaves close to 100% perfect when he is not at school.  Any suggestions?  The professionals that have worked with him seem to think he has anxiety and PTSD, I am not so sure since he does fine everywhere but school.  He is a middle child, a sister 2 years older and a sister 2 years younger. Thanks!

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My name is Elisa and I am married to an undiagnosed aspergers / autistic man.  I also have some aspe tendencies myself but still need more emotional connection with my husband than he does with me.  I would LOVE to get your ebook, and will if it is the only option, but I have dyslexia and cannot stand to read more than 10 pages of anything.  It is terribly difficult for me to intake info in the written format.  Do you have an option for an audio download for the book or is there a way to download group sessions that address some or most of the book?  I am willing to pay a lot more for an audio version, it's not the money.  Do you have any options for someone like me?

Thanks so very much for creating something that gives us wives' hope.  I truly believe you have strategies that will help us.  After 18 years of near constant frustration, depression, and anxiety - I just want to be able to find a way to be happy with him - if that is even possible.

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Recently l found my son always imagine and copy the character in the cartoon. He is seven years old. Last few weeks, he imagine he is super hero and always fight for weak. His imagination effect his school activities. Sometimes, he even fighting to his friend. I have talked to him. He told me that the super hero need practice fighting. I dun know how l can help him. Cos this made his friend stop playing and keep distance with him!
Please give me some suggestions. Thank you.

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Hi Mark,
    
     My name is Shannon. I won't go into a long-winded story of what why and how just now. I came across your site and wonder if you can help myself and my boyfriend (used to be common-law) remove resent from his 20yr old daughter. My boyfriend (seems weired to call him that since we did live together for 7 years) lacks connection with his daughter and doesn't know what else to do. She won't let him in and resents me greatly. He does not speak my name or have me to the house for fear that she will leave. This is very wearing on our relationship as well.
    
     Can you help us and do you do Skype consults? I feel like my BF would be more receptive to a phone or Skype call rather than reading or listening to CDs.

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Hi Mark,

Thanks for being so honest! Same thing happens to me.
My son is 19 years old and has some very mild signs of Aspergers, but enough for his peer group to exclude him quiet a bit, except for a couple of friends when he is back for college.
He found it very hard at college being rejected by people his own age ie not included.
It's tough.
When he was at school he saw a psychologist and I paid privately the Assessment said he showed some mild features of Aspergers.  He saw a speech therapist and ot.

We live in London and would be very grateful if you could recommend any one like you to give him. And or me a bit of advice re blending in a bit more.
Nicks voice tone is sometimes a bit high and can sound a bit immature.  Also he can sometimes look a little ridged.
Although small things I think this does not help him re being accepted by his peer group.
Any advise would be very welcome as we have not found anything here that has hit the nail on the head like your article.
He gets very sad and angry especially about rejection and not having a girlfriend. Help! I do not have the answers, but he is great fun and a really interesting person.
Many thanks

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Hi Mark,

I hope that it is ok to email you. I'm sure you are a very busy man. I am a parent from the UK and came upon your webpage through FB yesterday.

I was wondering if you had any experience of working with children who are on the spectrum but are also profoundly deaf?

My daughter is 8 years old and was profoundly deaf at birth. She was bilaterally implanted at 19 months. We spent 4 weeks at the John Tracy Clinic in Los Angeles when she was 3 years old which was hugely beneficial. Once we returned to the UK, we enrolled with a fortnightly AV programme until she was 6 years old.

Looking back I was particularly naive when looking at my daughters behaviours and difficulties and up until 2 years ago, I believed that it was due to her hearing loss.  Having now met more and more hearing impaired children, it is more clear that her issues are not solely due to her hearing loss.

I am taking her to be assessed for Pathalogical Demand Avoidance/ASD in September. I have believed for a while now that she either has Aspergers or PDA. PDA strategies have helped enormously with meltdowns.

I have read several of your blog posts now and will continue to digest over the weekend.

One thing I was unsure of, is the involvement of Speech and Language Therapists? Do they assist with the social problems that these children suffer with?

Look forward to hearing from you


Laura

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My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

Click here to read the full article…

Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes. The hardest part is you feel like you’ll never actually get to know your child and how he/she views the world.

Click here to read the full article...

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