HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

Search MyAspergersChild.com

Special Disciplinary Techniques for Aspergers Children

“Should you discipline a child with Aspergers in the same way you would a child without the disorder? If so, what would you do differently?”

In many instances, a disciplinary technique would be the same for both the Aspergers and neurotypical child. But in a significant number of select areas, you will need to take a different approach due to the Aspergers child’s ASD-related symptoms (e.g., sensory sensitivities, mind-blindness, obsessions, etc.).

Here are most of the main points to consider when disciplining a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism:

1. Attend local parent support group meetings, and join online support groups.

2. Avoid being over-protective. While your Aspergers youngster does need you, he also needs his own sense of self and to be able to experience life as much as he can on his own.

3. Be patient and consistent. Due to developmental delays, kids with Aspergers may require more exposure to discipline before they begin to understand expectations. You must follow through and apply discipline each time there is an incident in order to effectively send your message.

4. Choose a method of discipline appropriate to the level of the outburst and to the youngster in question. Planned ignoring, giving a time-out, and removing privileges or activities important to the youngster are all potential options. Aspergers kids may require a shorter time-out period and consequences given in smaller doses, especially where their attention spans are affected by their disorder.

5. Communicate your expectations. Before you enter a store, transition from one activity to another, or approach a situation where behavior may deteriorate, discuss with the youngster what will happen, review your family rules, and remind the youngster of the consequences of misbehavior. For Aspergers kids, this information may need to be broken down into a few very simple instructions and repeated often.

6. Create an environment that encourages your youngster to make the right choices, whether it be by providing a picture schedule, using verbal reminders, or retelling the stories about appropriate behaviors.

7. Decide on one or two motivators, or positive rewards, and one or two consequences, or negative actions. Motivators might include earning story time, candy, dessert or a new toy. Consequences might include a stern warning, timeout, removal of toys, or an extra chore. Your goal is to encourage your Aspergers youngster to follow the rules, but at the same time, prepare yourself to provide discipline if she does not.

8. Develop a list of positive behaviors you want to encourage and negative behaviors you want to discourage. Your list should reflect your youngster's abilities and limitations, rather than focusing on age-appropriate activities. Consider self-care tasks, manners and chores. For some kids, the behaviors might be simple and include things like eye contact when spoken to, pointing instead of yelling and not throwing things. For other kids, the list might include several daily chores, a respectful tone of voice, and following a bedtime routine.

9. Develop a plan of action before a behavioral incident occurs. Consider possible settings where you may face an outburst, your reaction, the youngster's needs and response, and the consequences you may use to stop or alter the behavior. Aspergers kids may have unusual behavioral triggers, so it is important to know the youngster in question when developing your plan and to be flexible in your approach.

10. Difficult behavior usually serves a purpose for the Aspergers youngster. Once you identify the desire, you may learn how to prevent the behavior and replace it with something more appropriate. For example, the desire may be to gain attention or obtain something, or avoid or escape from an unpleasant situation. Traditional forms of discipline are not effective with an Aspergers youngster who is displaying difficult behavior. The youngster may not simply seek approval or understand anger from another person, so your reaction to the behavior may have little impact. It is always important to look at what motivates and interests each youngster and to assist the youngster to communicate her needs, anxieties and frustration in acceptable ways. Assistance through behavioral services, role play and modeling may be necessary.

11. Don’t be afraid to discipline while out in the community.

12. Don’t feel guilty if you are not 100% consistent.

13. Educate yourself about all the aspects of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism.

14. Establish a safety net of support around yourself.

15. Explain Aspergers to siblings and encourage them to ask you questions about the disorder.

16. For Aspergers kids, it is important that the consequence or reward immediately follow the behavior to have the greatest effect and opportunity to teach.

17. Give equal attention to positive behaviors as you give to negative behaviors. This will help the youngster recognize what to do – as well as what not to do.

18. Give your youngster choices appropriate to her age and development. Having the opportunity to make choices will help her feel important while learning to feel responsible for areas in her life.

19. Have a set community outing each week that occurs just for “teaching” and practicing good behavior.

20. Have a set plan for car misbehavior.

21. If the day’s routine is not typical, plan to surround the youngster with as many familiar items (e.g., favorite songs, books, toys, etc.) to help him feel as comfortable as possible in unusual circumstances.

22. Implement negative consequences for poor choices and noncompliance with a calm, yet assertive voice. Do not feel anxious or guilty about implementing a consequence. You are helping to teach your youngster how to function successfully within society. To deny kids with Aspergers these consequences would deny their development into responsible grown-ups.

23. Increase supervision and structure.

24. Increase your efforts to “catch your child being good.”

25. It’s okay to “bribe.”

26. It’s okay to say, “No.”

27. Moms and dads can help to reduce their kid’s misbehavior by anticipating difficult moments in the day. Transitions are often difficult for Aspergers kids. The unpredictability of change can make a youngster feel uneasy, even fearful. Knowing what to expect can help eliminate unnecessary stress. All kids crave structure, and knowing what comes next provides comfort. Simply being aware of a daily schedule can help a youngster adjust between two activities.

28. Provide opportunities for your youngster to do things the right way. Clearly explain what you expect. Role-play the correct behaviors or make up a social story about the correct choices you expect your youngster to make.

29. Realize that kids with Aspergers come with all sorts of personalities, temperaments, abilities, likes, and dislikes. While they come with their own set of challenges, they are also armed with some tremendous qualities.

30. Recruit some help from your other children. Ask the neurotypical siblings for help with their Aspergers sibling. Give them a role (e.g., helping the Aspergers youngster with homework).

31. Solve any medical or sleep problems.

32. Teach the youngster the importance of responsibility, self-control, and positive behaviors. As a parent of a youngster with Aspergers, your job is to arm your youngster with these tools so he can live a productive life where he can discipline himself as much as possible.

33. Teach your youngster responsibility by giving certain chores he is responsible for. By doing this, you’ll give him a sense of accomplishment, value, and self-worth.

34. When considering how to discipline Aspergers kids, it is important to provide structure appropriate to your youngster’s age and developmental stage. This is critically important as you want to discipline your youngster depending on their ability and understanding, and not strictly on their chronological age.

35. When disciplining your youngster, show her value by not focusing on the disorder, but on her “self.”

36. When your youngster is displaying an undesirable behavior, consider the fact that the behavior could indicate a need. Evaluate each behavior to see if there is anything you can do to help the youngster in this area.

37. Work on simple directions and following them every day.

38. Kids with Aspergers are concrete, literal thinkers and have difficulty communicating both verbally and non-verbally. Being unable to express or receive messages can lead to frustration and anger. Here are some points to consider:
  • Give and receive messages using a variety of communication methods (e.g., written, verbal, gesture, or visual cues).
  • Use clear, simple and precise language when giving instructions; start with one word and gradually move on to more complex sentences.
  • Try to phrase requests in a positive way, stating what you want rather than what you don’t want.
  • Use activity schedules to assist the youngster in following daily routines.
  • Provide a structure and routine this assists the youngster in knowing what to expect.

39. Kids with Aspergers have difficulty understanding social rules and interpreting the feelings and emotions of others. Physical space and/or contact with others may cause anxiety. Here are some points to consider:
  • Reinforce the use of appropriate verbal or facial expressions of feelings and emotions.
  • Rehearse social rules in different settings.
  • Have clear consequences for inappropriate social behavior.
  • Actively teach social behaviors through role play and presentation.

40. Kids with Aspergers can become very confused when routines change. They may also know what is expected in one situation, but may not be able to transition this knowledge to another, related situation. Here are some points to consider:
  • Identify danger, being prepared, and transition between activities.
  • Provide clear signals to specify the start and finish of an activity.
  • Teach the same skill in different settings.
  • Use effective communication to warn of unexpected changes to routine.
  • Using a variety of communication methods, explain rules that apply to each situation encountered.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

2 comments:

Lucy G said...

Thank you. I love reading your blog. No 25 its ok to bribe, thank god, my son isn't keen to do things sometimes unless there is something in it for him! Reading this makes me feel so much better. I have never had any help, the only thing that made me feel like I have been dealing with it ll in the right way was my sons doctor, he told me that it sounds like we cope well! Nice to hear but it never feels like that.

Family Archer said...

My brother is 24 with this syndrome. I have a 1&2 year old who live in the home with us. He seems to hate them even though I know that in not the case. He doesn't want them to touch him or be around him at times. He destroys their toys and can never really give a clear answer to why he was mad other than he just did not want the object in his room. He does not like being around the kids but I know he wants to spend time with everyone else in the home. Is there a particular reason why he is like this with the toddlers?

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

Click here to read the full article…

Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes.

Click here to read the full article...

Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parents, teachers, and the general public have a lot of misconceptions of Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Many myths abound, and the lack of knowledge is both disturbing and harmful to kids and teens who struggle with the disorder.

Click here to read the full article...

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

My Aspergers Child - Syndicated Content