Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders


The "Structure-Dependent" Aspergers Child

Having a set of rules to follow on a day-to-day basis is the most important issue for an Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) child who is “structure-dependent.” Once this child has a list of DOs and DONTs to follow, there tends to be few concerns except in areas where the parent has not yet established rules, in which case the structure-dependent youngster becomes confused.

Any environment (e.g., home, classroom) where there is lax structure will be a difficult one for the structured-dependent youngster. This child needs rules in order to function and will probably create his own set of rules if parents and teachers don't provide them, which may create problems since the child’s rules will probably not match the adult’s expectations.

The structure-dependent youngster respects authority figures and does well when it is very clear who makes the rules and enforces them. This youngster often does very well in school, but may have behavioral problems at home if the rules are not as clear as they are in the classroom. It is not unusual for moms and dads of this child to be quite surprised to hear how well behaved she is at school.

There are two types of structure-dependent Aspergers children:
  1. The “acting-out” type
  2. The “acting-in” type

The “Acting-out” Type--

The acting-out youngster is often seen as a teacher's delight because he is rarely a discipline problem, but at home, this child’s behavior can be totally out of control (e.g., bossy, controlling, tantrums, meltdowns, yelling, arguing etc.). The key to recognizing this type of child is the behavior differences between school and home. If he experiences behavioral problems at school AND at home, then he is not a structure-dependent youngster.

The "acting-out" structure-dependent youngster:
  • can be somewhat naive and taken advantage of since he doesn’t stand up for himself
  • can become distressed by peers who do not follow the rules
  • doesn't want anyone to be upset with him
  • is often very cooperative with authority figures, sometimes to a fault
  • likes to please others
  • often becomes the "rule cop" in the classroom
  • tends to monitor other peers’ and will "tell on them" in they break a rule
  • tries to "fly under the radar"

This child has some anxiety issues, but not to the point where it is overwhelming for him. He manages his anxiety by following the rules – and making sure others do as well. Problems only occur for this child when rules are absent or vague, or when the adult in charge lacks authority in his opinion.

How parents and teachers can help the “acting-out” child:

Written rules, routines and schedules are some of the techniques used to create proper structure for this youngster – no matter how small the issue might be. There is no such thing as a situation that is too small to have rule. Even the “little things” need rules (e.g., going to a store, taking a bath, sharpening a pencil, raising your hand, etc.). Parents and teachers should supply a set of rules regarding appropriate behaviors to be demonstrated in each situation. Also, be sure to explain why there is a rule for such and such. This will help the child to generalize these skills later on.

Teachers who run highly structured classrooms may not need to do much of this. Instead, they may want to help the structure-dependent youngster be less rule-bound and have a greater tolerance for ambiguity.

The “Acting-in” Type--

This type of structure-dependent youngster is similar to the one above, except his behavior is good at home AND at school. He is also rule-bound with rules for everything, but unlike the acting-out child, this child has learned to control tantrums and anger – sometimes too much – in all situations. He views his parent, who has created many rules for him to follow at home, as an authority figure just like his teacher. There are very few situations that don't have rules for him to abide by. However, this child can be obedient to a fault, perfectionistic, obsessive-compulsive, and/or depressed. Thus, he needs to become more flexible.

How parents and teachers can help the “acting-in” child:

The adults need not worry about rules with this child; rather, a crash course in expressing emotions, as well as flexibility to help her see the world as less black-and-white would be helpful. This child needs to learn more about the “reasons behind actions” and how the world works, with less emphasis on unwavering compliance. Without throwing out the rules altogether, help this child to develop decision-making and problem-solving skills so that she can become a more independent thinker.


Anonymous said...

Great article.

Anonymous said...

Great info to help us understand further!

Anonymous said...

I've printed this out and plan to highlight the appropriate subtypes and suggestions for my child's teachers. What an excellent resource. Thank you!!!

Anonymous said...

I am an aspie myself, i must say that some term are harsh stereotypes, that do exist, but not too often, and reading this article just reflected my childhood, but i don't think you are either one or another subtype, i had each one of those each phase of my life, they're all correlated, quite an insightful view of an aspie mind, but there's no way to fully understand us, on things like noise and light sensitivity.

Anonymous said...

I am desperately trying to establish rules to no avail :-( my daughter was diagnosed aged 15 and also has adhd she is very defiant and does what she likes when she likes and runs away for weeks on end when challenged about rule breaking . . . Help ?

Anonymous said...

Setting guidelines is so difficult. If DS gets in trouble with for something he screams his head off if he loses a priveledge or whatever it is we take from him. At times, I just give in and I know that is the wrong thing to do. He screams so much he gets to the point that he forgets what he got in trouble for to begin with. Talking with our psychologist tomorrow about it, maybe I can post more after that meeting.
12 minutes ago · Like

Anonymous said...

We are very interested in getting your help my daughter is at her wits end, we need more strategies to help us all. It seems her husband and children are all Aspies, she has a 17 year old daughter and a 6 year old son all undiagnosed, but not through lack of trying. We have both been working on their positive strengths and have seen marked improvements, however the youngest's behaviour has escalated with more meltdowns especially after school, he gets angry and sad, throws things, rips things up and hits out he also has difficulty with social skills, communication and making friends. The 17 year old is having trouble completing her year 12 assignments, its all gotten to be too much she does a bit on every subject but wasn't completing them to hand up, we have made progress, however she just gets confused and overwhelmed when we try to help and hides herself in her room or paces up and down; she is studying to get into nursing we are worried she may sabotage this and need more strategies to get her through and promote self reliance, and improve her social and communication skills.She always agrees to avoid conflict but then hides in her room and avoids us, to avoid doing what she needs to. She has friends but avoids seeing them out of school as S" I'll have to talk to them."
My daughters partner try's his best but doesn't seem to be able to empathize or provide emotional support when she needs it even though we have repeatedly told him that a hug and to say it'll be ok is often all that is needed initially to diffuse the situation, instead he goes on and on justifying his error in behaviour and end up having a huge meltdown and leaving her in tears feeling unsupported and angry.
I have the children for a night sleep over, 1 one week then the other the next to give them a break and some time to work on their marriage strategies together, I also take them on annual holidays, nice as this is for them after a couple of days it's back to being a stressful environment.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes.

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Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parents, teachers, and the general public have a lot of misconceptions of Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Many myths abound, and the lack of knowledge is both disturbing and harmful to kids and teens who struggle with the disorder.

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My Aspergers Child - Syndicated Content