Dealing With ASD Children Who Refuse To Go To School

Has your ASD (high functioning autistic) child given you some indication that he is nervous about starting back to school?  He may have even said, “I’m not going!!!”

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Comments

Anonymous said…
I have a 16 years old, ADHD, ODD, Asperger and every time is time to go to school, he start having a bad case of hives and he can't sleep; at school he has panick attacks too.
August 4, 2011 at 12:14 PM
Cindy said…
My daughter was just diagnosed with Asperger a month ago at age 11. Over the years we have forced her to go to school at the advice of school officials and a very misguided therapist, even when we knew it was bad for her mental health. We understand school refusal and have done research on it. However, we also know our daughter, and we now know that she has suffered harm that can't be reversed because we listened to the so-called "experts" instead of using common sense and our own intuition. We pushed her beyond what her mind could handle. I realize there has to be a balance reached, but finding that balance is very difficult!
August 4, 2011 at 1:04 PM
Anonymous said…
Nice idea telling them just to go to school but if the whole thing is just too overwhelming, not only do they shut down but everything else also starts to slide. Even the best schools are often unable to deal with our Aspie kids. Sometimes home schooling is the only option, allowing us to actually educate them and socialise in the real world.
August 4, 2011 at 3:35 PM
Homeschool family said…
I just wanted to say that we home educate our daughter who has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. She has been out of school for 3 years and although it is primarliy to do with her Aspergers we did not realise that at the time, we just knew she was desperately unhappy.
Since being out of school it has significantly reduced the amount of anxiety she suffers, although she still feels anxiety in certain situations of course. Her social skills have improved and she has friends. Sometimes the school setting does not suit the child.
August 5, 2011 at 2:37 AM
Anonymous said…
I am just this year going to try online school for my 9 yr old. After taking him out of school to homeschool this past year when even the Charter School was unable to appropriately accomodate his needs and actually ended up making the school refusal the worst it has ever been I chose homeschool. I have tried the advice in this post since the time my son was in Kindergarten. I agree with the other posts that making them go to school may work for some children but it is not the right thing for all children. And medicating them so they can go to school when there are other options is not a good idea either. You can't just make someone fit into a mold because that is how they are supposed to be. I am so glad they have these online schools where they can still be a part of the public school system. My sons anxiety has improved immensely since I decided to do what I thought was right and not what all these professionals tried to tell me was right.
August 7, 2011 at 10:35 PM
Anonymous said…
Maritza Quiñones I have a 16 years old, ADHD, ODD, Asperger and every time is time to go to school, he start having a bad case of hives and he can't sleep; at school he has panick attacks too.
August 4 at 12:00pm · Like
Shanna Dawson-Ferguson My son is 6 and has an Autism diagnois, but I'm really wondering if he has Aspergers. He hates school, and he has told me all summer he is never going back to school. I keep informing him that he will be going back to school.
Saturday at 6:44pm · Like
August 8, 2011 at 8:12 AM
Anonymous said…
my son has just been diagnosed with aspergers 7 months ago at age 11 all the times ive been pushing him to school because school said theres nothing wrong with him just shows you what they know hes due to start high school tomorrow but all 6 weeks holidays he said hes not going and he wont go
September 5, 2011 at 1:55 AM
Anonymous said…
My aspie 9 yr old has school refusal. He has explosive behaviors, and screams, cries, kicks, he refuses to go saying they hate him and he hates it. I have always taken him eventually when he calms down. I just want his work made up and him to realize he has to o it is not an option. This yr has been rough in 4th grade. The academics are hard. He has a 1 on 1 aide now. I think kids can be mean to him. I keep a notebook and write down comments everyday in it and send it back to school. They are doing a fba now. So far they have been very understanding with him and us. I have found klonipin helps as needed for anxiety to get him cooperative.
December 8, 2011 at 4:24 AM
Anonymous said…
I have an 8 y/o son who has been diagnosed with Asperger's since age 4. He is currently in second grade and for the past few months has been having significant behavioral problems in the school, which have resulted in 3 suspensions. The school has done the usual protocol of functional behavior analysis to reveal that his behaviors are attention-seeking and to avoid school work. He behaviors typically include destruction of school property and refusal to follow directives of school staff. On a few occasions he has run from school staff and is now not permitted to attend recess or P.E. due to concerns of him running off. While running, it is reported that he is frequently looking back to see if others are chasing him and then he responds with a giggle. School staff reported being unable to manage his behaviors and are concerned for his safety and the safety of other children and staff.

Until today I have struggled with understanding why the school has such difficulty with my son. His behavior is managed at home by the structure and consequences that his father and I maintain. Upon the beginning of a meltdown, he is sent to his room to calm himself, which usually takes less than 5 minutes. We do not have to physically take him to his room. Verbal prompting and the suggestion of loss of privileges usually does the trick.

My son has been out of school for 2 weeks due to a combination of suspension, holidays, and illness. I took him to school this morning and he was fine and calm on the car ride over. Upon arriving at school, he became agitated as I would not permit him to take a toy into the school. He then took off running from ME!! Twice, I did the normal routine directing him to come back to me and counted to 3. He began to return but then would take off again. After the second chance, he ran towards the street and I then chased him down. He looked back a few times, giggling. I caught him and firmly escorted him into school. He was yelling "NO!" repeatedly, which is common for him in preparation for meltdown mode. He continued screaming "NO!" along with other unpleasant remarks directed at me and made gestures towards destroying school property. He kicked a desk while walking by and with much effort, I was able to get him to apologize. School administratio!
n expressed concern that his behavior will only continue to escalate if left at school. I clearly agreed; however, I expressed my concern that permitting him to return home because of his outbursts only reinforces the outburst. He clearly stated repeatedly this morning that he doesn't like school. He was taken back home and lost video game privileges for the day.

I am at a loss. My son hasn't responded to me in such a manner in years. School staff don't know how to manage him and his behaviors. I don't know how to get him back into school. He has baffled us all . . .

Your suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
January 23, 2012 at 4:55 PM
Anonymous said…
We have been battling school refusal with our now 12 yr old daughter for 3 years. There is no help for them or us. She is in high school this year and things are not improving. I am seriously considering home schooling but wondering if she will even comply to that eventually. It is a big problem and very stressful, a situation that should be addressed by politicians. Schools and/or departmental services need to be more available with help for these kids and us as parents.
February 9, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Anonymous said…
It is the toughest decision to make, but your child needs to be around other children to learn properly. The key is to ease in acceptance. We tried letting our very intelligent kid stay home because of the stress of going. Soon the child was refusing other important activities that she previosly accepted. Her language skills suffered to the point where we had to bring in a speech expert. Finally we used CBT and she started to come back to us and now makes friends at school fairly easily. The whole problem with us was getting good support and advice for our specific case.

Every child has the potential to return to school, but the longer it goes, the harder it gets. The more stressfull it gets for the parents too. I think we gave up after a few months because it was easier on us. In the end I think we made our lives worse by postponing the only course of action that eventually helped. If you don't get good professional advice, it is too easy to simply grab on to whatever advice gives the most comfort to our home life. Our kid got upset about school, but liked the activities and the other kids. Taking instruction in a normal classroom was the big problem as she had grown up with one-on-one teaching and attention. That was the biggest change, not school itself. She loved to play, but as an only child, never got used to waiting for attention, or waiting for a turn. There is plenty that a school can do to help for kids at that end of the Aspie spectrum. The biggest problem is getting the kid and the teachers together (getting a knowlegible teacher) and having the child reach a comfort level before going for full-out acceptance.

We slid too far towards the stress avoidance and it led to a worse situation where panic could set in over things that previously were never problems. Eating vegtables, personal hygiene, accepting a bed-time, and going outdoors went from being things she did to things that got refused. Eventually even bringing up the topics led to fits of panic. Stick with it and don't waste a year like we did. We are still trying to catch-up.
February 10, 2012 at 4:00 AM
Anonymous said…
It is the toughest decision to make, but your child needs to be around other children to learn properly. The key is to ease in acceptance. We tried letting our very intelligent kid stay home because of the stress of going. Soon the child was refusing other important activities that she previosly accepted. Her language skills suffered to the point where we had to bring in a speech expert. Finally we used CBT and she started to come back to us and now makes friends at school fairly easily. The whole problem with us was geting good support and advice for our specific case. Every child has the potential to return to school, but the longer it goes, the harder it gets. The more stressfull it gets for the parents too. I think we gave up after a few months because it was easier on us. In the end I think we made our lives worse by postponing the only course of action that eventually helped. If you don't get good professional advice, it is too easy to simply grab on to whatever advice gives the most comfort to our home life. Our kid got upset about school, but liked the activities and the other kids. Taking instruction in a normal classroom was the big problem as she had grown up with one on one teaching and attention. That was the biggest change, not school itself. She loved to play, but as an only child, never got used to waiting for attention, or waiting for a turn. There is plenty that a school can do to help for kids at that end of the Aspie spectrum. The biggest problem is getting the kid and the teachers together and having the child reach a comfort level before going for full-out acceptance. We slid too far towards the stress avoidance and it led to a worse situation where panic could set in over things that previously were never problems. Eating vegtables, personal hygiene, accepting a bed-time, going outdoors went from being things she did to things that got refused. Eventually even bringing up the topics led to fits of panic. Stick with it and don't waste a year like we did. We are still trying to catch-up.
February 10, 2012 at 4:00 AM
Anonymous said…
My 7 yr old used to love school, would cry if forced to leave. His experiences there have desrtroyed that enthusiasm. He hates to go and does anything he can to leave now. He has an IEP, but educators seem to be focused on changing his way of thinking rather than helping him learn how to cope with the syndrome. His behavior and meltdowns have been getting worse. He's doing things now that he hasn't done since he was 3 yrs old. Any suggestions?
February 29, 2012 at 8:09 AM
Anonymous said…
I have struggled for years with my son who is now 14. He was just diagnosed with Asperger's after years of looking for answers. Anyways ever sice Grade 1 my son would have severe behavioral outbursts at school and was always either restrained in a rubber room or sent home. By Grade 3 he started to fight going to school, running awway, crying, expressing physical ailmnets. I literally had to force him to school and he would end up getting sent home. As the years went on he got bigger and I could no longer physically force him to go. The last time I tried he jumped out of a mioving car. The only sucessful years he had were the years he had an aid. This made all the difference he was on the honor roll in Grades 5 and 6 and even won science fairs. In Grade 7 his aid was taken away and he was thrown into the regular classroom with no support. His avoidance of school has increased and it is very difficult for me to get him to school and most days he is either sent home or runs away, he finds Junior high too stressful. I have been fighting for 3 years to get supports for him. We just had a team meeting and everyone ganged up on me and said the reason for his school avoidance is because I make home too attractive!
I try to make my home as safe and nuturing as possible. He is not allowed on the computer when he is not going to school. What am I supposed to do lock him in a dungeon because he can't handle school?
It has been suggested by his Dr and the school that his adversion to school may be a matter for protective services. I am so upset. I have lost my career and spend my days advocating for this child and now they are turning the tables on me. I am quickly losing all faith in the system and seriously researching home schooling.
June 3, 2012 at 8:23 PM
Anonymous said…
I have 14 year old son with the same conditions that your daughter has. He is refusing to go to school and I'm trying to get a home tutor. Ive forced him to go in the past and wish I hadn't of done as he has hurt himself by cutting his arms and legs and panicked so bad that he hasn't slept and l
July 19, 2012 at 3:21 AM
Anonymous said…
I totally understand the social aspects of getting your aspie child into school. My 14 year old aspie just started highschool after two years of homeschooling so we could make sure she was being social (she hates it by the way). In 6th grade we sent her to public school in an effort to socialize her, and the school fought us tooth and nail that she had ANY issues. They said she was just lazy. We were truant all the time, and in trouble all the time. I made her stick out the year and she ended up cutting herself and becoming more and more withdrawn. Our family was a mess by the end of the year! My husband and I are both teachers too!! I have spent the last two years at home, trying to fix the damage that that school caused. Luckily our highschool has a program specifically geared for aspergers. So she may not like it, but goes 3 hours a day, small class size, with aides in every room. So, this school wants her to feel safe and they work hard to help us. If you are in a school that is fighting you be very careful. You may cause more harm then good by pushing them to stay in that environment. We are teaching our daughter to recognize when there is a situation that will cause her major stress, and change it or make adjustments. BUT, also letting her know she needs to find other options that still interact with people. This will happen her whole life, she needs to be able to see that if it won't work for her she must find a solution to correct it. Don't just try to get through a year in school, try and help them figure out how to get through life. That's just a goal, with aspies sometimes getting through the day is an accomplishment!!
August 28, 2012 at 10:25 AM
Unknown said…
I have a similar situation. Our daughter has just been referred for diagnosis. She hates school and is highly anxious there. This leads to a drop in mood and self harming. When she is off school her mood picks up and she is happier. If I force her to school she becomes dangerously depressed after a couple of weeks. I am finding its better for her to go most days but not all do she at least gets a break
October 19, 2017 at 12:58 AM
Anonymous said…
Try another school I did for my son and it was a life saver he still doesn’t like school but he goes. My son is 14 and I’ve been dealing with school refusal since kindergarten. Try a homeschooling program at a center. The school model isn’t for everyone and unfortunately our options are limited. Good luck I feel your frustration
September 13, 2022 at 7:06 AM
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