HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

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Aggressiveness in Aspergers Children and Teens

"My son will be 11 in September. There are so many issues, but the biggest concern now is the aggression associated with his meltdowns. The aggression is getting worse, both physical and verbal. He uses foul language, hits, kicks, spits and threatens to kill me. I am desperate for a solution of some kind. I don't know what I should do when these meltdowns occur. They start the minute I pick him up from school. He does not have this problem at school. Since school started back last week he has had a major meltdown every day. I know that school (he's at a new school this year) is a major stressor. He's completely uncooperative with homework and as I said above, the aggression associated w/ these tantrums is escalating. I am desperate for help."

Click here for my response...

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sarah Miller
My son takes a combination of Trileptal, Abilify (small dose) and Clonidine, which cut WAY back on these behaviors, and allows him to verbalize frustrations a lot better. If he skips his meds (lies that he took them, etc.), it's a huge difference, becomes really scary and hostile. Then he takes them, and back to nice boy. Meds are really valuable in the adolescent/teen years, or they may turn to other drugs to calm them - not good!

Anonymous said...

Charlotte Harrow Oldmeadow My son isn't even 6 yet and I could have written that intro abive :-(
3 hours ago · Like
John P Newcomer Thank you for posting this one! Not alone in this.....
about an hour ago · Like
Holly Hoekstra You're so not alone in this. I can totally identify.
14 minutes ago · Like

Anonymous said...

Melanee Mareno My daughter is the same way at 7!!! It's scary for me to think what it may be like in a few more years... I have a large bite on my stomach from where she bit me while I was trying to get her to shower... :(. It's tough but for all the bad there is 10x as much good.
10 hours ago · Like

Anonymous said...

We have been treating my 18 year old son for ADHD for over 10 years. He did well in elementary school, but when he entered Middle School and now his Senior year in high school, he struggles with homework, social life, home life, you name it. When he was younger, the doctors said he did not have Aspergers. However, I'm convinced that he is an Aspie. I am currently trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist/psychologist to get him tested and change his IEP. The meds do not seem to have an affect on him anymore and we have weaned him down to a minimal dose.
That being said, we are a very frustrated family. Nothing works anymore. There are meltdowns, confrontations and struggles everyday. Once in a while I get a glimpse of the great kid he actually can be. Granted he acts like he's about 15, but in reality he is 18.

I could continue to ramble on because I feel like I am out of solutions.

Anonymous said...

Fairly! This was a very fantastic publish. Thanks to your supplied details.

Anonymous said...

So, are all tweens with Asperger’s disrespectful (especially to their Moms) or is it just mine?

shawnna said...

My son started pre k this year and the first week of school he slammed some poor little girls head into a pole(bcuz he told her not to cut in line,its against the rules).My sons psychiatrist and I have put him on trilipitral,kapvay,and seroquel with melotonin at nite.It has made a Big difference in the aggressive behaviors.he still hits kicks screams etc..but no where near like before.

Anonymous said...

25. Give kids choices so they feel empowered. Offer two acceptable choices.
I do and all I get is a stare. No words just a stare or I don't know as an answer...then what? I used to say use your words...now I just stare back to see who gets tired first. I know not the best but you have to choose your battles with your Aspies and find humor in it all or you will never be able to handle it! I never knew teaching social skills could be so draining. I am videotaping my talks with our son. It can take 1/2 to an hour. I show them to his father who can't understand how draining it is...until he sees it happening. And to our son, it is funny to show him how he used to be when he is down. We tell him if he can overcome that issue (the one on tape), he can overcome the current one. I am his stepmother and married to his father who I know in my heart is also an Aspie. When I met my son, he had trouble with reading expressions and looking in your eye. I taught him how too. I guess you can say I studied him like no one else before. I know what works and what will not. Because I try everything and notice any new tics, behavior and actions. I would take the time to explain everything to him, you have to fight them with patience so they will listen, you have to peel back the onion and find out what is rotting in the middle. Find the source of what is bothering them then apply a skill to the problem. If you don’t your lesson or skill will not be learned. His mother does not believe he has aspergers but his psychologist does and I know he does. I know that with an Aspergers child it generally is only one parent handling the teaching, dr. appointment, reading, school issues, researching and anything else that is needed for the child. However, to be the parent that only handles that when both his biological parents don’t handle anything is like living in the Twilight Zone. So I record it. It’s the only way I know that I am not going crazy and that my work with him does and will pay off in the present and future. As much as we feel we are sometimes cursed, (please I am not being negative just real) we also feel we are blessed with understanding and getting to know our Aspergers world. If it not were for him I would not be such a great parent now…they change us to be better and stronger. Then when we think we can’t take no more…we get up and try to find information on how to better ourselves…that is why we are all here and to find out we are not alone. Do not give up…fight everyday just as they are.

MuttiBar said...

I've been through this with my son. You said ithis was a new school, and he's having meltdowns after school, but not in school, right? And he's 11. So my guess is the transition is killing him, and he's holding it together at school, but then he falls apart at home from the amount of stress and energy he's expending at school. Plus, we're in hormoneville. Welcome to male Autistic puberty! It's gonna be a rough ride, or so moms of older male Aspies and other teachers keep telling me.

Transitions are part of life, and they're a bitch for all of us, but more do if one has ASD. Sure, encourage him to talk about things, draw out things. Also, could be he needs some new supports in this new school environment. Does he have a cool-down place he can go when he's getting stressed? My son has an iPod loaded up with bilateral stim music (Mozart also works) and permission to use it at school when needed is written into his IEP. If your kid doesn't have a sense of when he's "filling up", then have the school create a break schedule. Too much is better than too little. They can also enact some self-monitoring training so that your kid learns to recognize when he's stressing. You and the school can build on that so that he can start recognizing what is setting him off. Peers can be brutal at this age. I would also discuss any situations he identifies as triggers. What happened from your son's perspective? How'd that look from a neurotypical perspective? He needs to know that while his perception is valid, it isn't how everyone else sees the world. The stuff listed in the article is good stuff to do, but I don't think it will, in and of itself, get you through this situation. You need the school to work with you, because some of this is sourced in school.

Carmel said...

I have an Aspie teen, and I know exactly what you mean.
My son, gets more aggressive and his foul mouth gets worse the older he becomes.
If I gave my son Play dough to help calm him down, I guarantee it would be thrown at me.
I've tried ignoring his behaviour and walking away. He will follow me until I cannot go any further, and get in my face, which can result in him pushing me or hitting.
I am calm, do not hit or push back, do not interact In any dialogue when he is having a meltdown.
.. and yet it continues.
He never apologizes for his behaviour, and when he is calm I try talking to him about better ways to express him self. He inturn denies he did anything, or will become mad again resulting in another meltdown.
He has been on lots of meds, and now we are starting an anti anxiety med ..

All I add is good luck and keep on top of it. It isn't easy.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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