The "Female Version" of Aspergers
Aspergers (high functioning autism) affects behavior, personality, and the way a person interacts with others. As females with Aspergers become adults, they may feel isolated because they react differently to certain "stressful" situations. Their comments can seem insensitive and uncaring, when in reality, they simply may not fully understand the concept of empathy. These ladies often look for companionship with other adult females who have similar behavior patterns and outlook.
The symptoms of Aspergers in adult females are usually displayed in a more subtle manner, which often results in missed or incorrect professional diagnoses, a lack of access to special education services and provisions in school, and a greater chance of social and emotional problems in adulthood. Several distinct differences exist in regard to the ways that females and males with Aspergers behave.
Females with Aspergers are not often aggressive when they get frustrated. Instead, they tend to be withdrawn and can easily "fly under the radar" in classrooms and other social environments. These girls are also able to express their emotions in a calmer way than their male counterparts. Young females with Aspergers are often protected and nurtured by their “non-Aspergers” friends, who help them cope with difficult social situations. Acceptance from peers can sometimes mask the issues that these kids have so that they are not recognized by educators and parents, and as a result, they are less likely to suggest psychological and social evaluations for young female "Aspies."
There are certain personality traits and symptoms that moms and dads, educators, and professionals can look for if they suspect that a young girl or woman has Aspergers. Females with the disorder often display obsessive tendencies in regard to animals, dolls, and other female-oriented interests. While “non-Aspergers” females will play with dolls by pretending that they are interacting socially, female Aspies may collect dolls and not use them to engage socially with other kids. Their fascination with certain subjects can lead to them lagging behind their peers in terms of maturity and age-appropriate behavior (e.g., a pre-teen with Aspergers may be fascinated with stuffed animals or cartoons long after other peers her age have outgrown these things).
Female Aspies may be mistakenly assumed to have a personality disorder because they mimic typical kids, but use phrases inappropriately. They tend to be bored with others their age and have difficulty empathizing with their peers' worries or problems. While their behaviors are more passive than those typical of males with Aspergers, people who pay close attention to female kids with social and emotional delays can ensure that proper diagnosis and treatment will take place. The younger a child is when she begins to receive the appropriate speech, occupational, and psychological services for the disorder, the greater likelihood she will have of living an independent and functional adult life.
Other Aspergers symptoms if females include:
• Communication Difficulties— A girl with Aspergers finds that social communication does not come easily. She may struggle to find topics to talk about that will interest her peers. She often attempts to mimic the interests, behavior, and body language of others in an attempt to "fit in." Many female Aspies become quite adept at this mimicking, causing them to elude diagnosis and treatment throughout life. A girl with Aspergers who does not mimic others appears shy and socially awkward. Her body language is different from her peers, and she seems oblivious to the body language of others. Her voice may lack inflection, and she may show no happiness at the good fortune of others.
• Emotional Outbursts— It may be easier to identify males as having Aspergers, because they express their feelings and frustrations through emotional outbursts, which are more obvious to the observer. On the other hand, females with Aspergers may be more likely to internalize their emotions and feelings, and experience inward or passive signs of aggression. These certain gender-related behaviors might be part of the reason that fewer females are diagnosed with Aspergers.
• Fantasy— Female Aspies are intrigued with fantasies that include magical kingdoms, princesses, and other fairy tale elements. It is possible that the princess fantasies are given little notice, because females in general are more prone to this type of imaginary fantasy and play; therefore, these fantasies are not used as criteria in diagnosing the disorder.
• Highly Intelligent— Girls with Aspergers may be less talkative than other females their age. They are highly intelligent, but like their autistic counterparts, possess poor language skills. Communication and interaction with other kids may be difficult. Female Aspies may strive to learn as much as they can, even though social interaction is limited. Most "typical" kids who are socially active have no problem learning in a group setting, whereas Aspie girls may want to study and learn on their own.
• Inflexibility— An girl with Aspergers may be inflexible about her daily routine. She may want to eat the same meal each day and avoid food that has touched other food on her plate. She may arrange her toys a certain way on the shelf, perform the same grooming ritual each day and become upset by any change in her schedule.
• Obsessional Interests— Obsessional interests are another indicator of Aspergers. The child may talk incessantly about her topic of interest or spend the majority of her free time studying it or playing with it. A girl with Aspergers is more likely to have interests that are common to healthy females, whereas an Aspie male is more likely to have an unusual interest (e.g., a girl may be obsessed with horses, while a boy may be obsessed with AAA batteries). This highly focused interest can prove helpful or harmful (e.g., a strong interest in math can help a girl function well in school, while an interest in dolls may cause her to not focus on schoolwork and to eventually bore her friends).
• Repetitive Behaviors— The girl with Aspergers may exhibit repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand-flapping, pacing, stomping, blinking, finger-tapping, etc.). These may become more obvious when she is stressed. Even when she is made aware of these behaviors, she may be unable to control them.
• Socially Awkward— Inability to communicate and physical clumsiness will put young Aspies at a disadvantage from the very beginning. They may seem disinterested and aloof. Asperger kids have difficulty understanding slang and humor. They may seem out of place and will not make friends easily. As Asperger kids grow into teens, many find ways to adapt, and their differences may not seem as pronounced.
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
Comments
thought it was a family dynamics thing. She does meltdown, but it has gotten better with all the services we have provided. She is bright but not a whiz at anything in particular. Her inflexibility is what works most against her. She wants to choose the activity and how the activity is carried out. Unfortunately even with years of speech, and social skills, she does not have any real friends, even mother hens.
Recently, I have been quite concerned that it (Aspergers traits) have developed further.
In the last 2-3 months she has been enormously distracted at home, school, extra curricular... tothe point of being unaware of what is going on around her. Her fantasy world has encroached more on what is reality, displaying close to total denial. Her interest in stuffed toy rabbits is complete and obsessive involving a total parallel world. And the more toy rabbits she can add to her ever expanding collection, the better!
Yet, in all of this her teacher reports she is very bright and quite capable. She has been assessed by two separate and independent education psychologists, 5 years apart - both results came back with her having "Very Superior"intelligences.
Lately she has become more and more disorganised being unable to get ready on time for school and I have heard from her teacher that her friends ( there are only two) are helping her compensate for her inability to be organised.
And then there is what I can only describe as exclusion of her by her peers in general. Her dance teacher also had noticed her social exclusion and the nasty comments in reference to her.
She seeks out the company of younger children indeed, her best friend is 4 years younger than her. My general opinion is that her maturity level is very juvenile and at least 3 years behind her peers.
There is so much more I could write here.
I am planning to take her to the doctor for a more comprehensive/specific assessment. I am afraid she will be diagnosed with Asperhers and more afraid, she won't.
Recently, I have been quite concerned that it (Aspergers traits) have developed further.
In the last 2-3 months she has been enormously distracted at home, school, extra curricular... tothe point of being unaware of what is going on around her. Her fantasy world has encroached more on what is reality, displaying close to total denial. Her interest in stuffed toy rabbits is complete and obsessive involving a total parallel world. And the more toy rabbits she can add to her ever expanding collection, the better!
Yet, in all of this her teacher reports she is very bright and quite capable. She has been assessed by two separate and independent education psychologists, 5 years apart - both results came back with her having "Very Superior"intelligences.
Lately she has become more and more disorganised being unable to get ready on time for school and I have heard from her teacher that her friends ( there are only two) are helping her compensate for her inability to be organised.
And then there is what I can only describe as exclusion of her by her peers in general. Her dance teacher also had noticed her social exclusion and the nasty comments in reference to her.
She seeks out the company of younger children indeed, her best friend is 4 years younger than her. My general opinion is that her maturity level is very juvenile and at least 3 years behind her peers.
There is so much more I could write here.
I am planning to take her to the doctor for a more comprehensive/specific assessment. I am afraid she will be diagnosed with Asperhers and more afraid, she won't.
I was socially awkward but thought it was because of the town/people I grew up in/with. I always got good grades. And unlike what most "experts" say, I was/am quite empathetic!! And can express it!!! That part always makes me mad.... For my younger sons too. Finally, finally, some are realizing that autism ISN'T a lack of emotion; if anything, it's strong emotion to the point where it has to be "turned off" due to the overwhelmingness of it, or the inability to communicate compassion well. (Obviously I know we're all different so I dont presume that's always the case but I see it more often than not.) Sometimes it's easier to ignore others, sometimes we're stuck in our own stuff and sometimes we just dont know how to respond. But I digress... ;-)
I've never been officially dx'd but have had some in professional areas agree that it's likely. I often wonder what my life would've been like if I'd been dx'd younger. I see pluses and minuses. Because I didn't know, I learned to adapt. My sons have had so many accommodations that they have a hard time "adapting" without support or someone to hold their hand or do it for them. They are genius smart and usually quite capable so this frustrates me. For me, this is a plus of not being dx'd in school -- what if I had learned that I need something/someone to do anything? Or to use that label as a convenient excuse when I didn't want to do something? (PLEASE dont get offended! I'm sure some will be but I'm sure there are also some who know exactly what I mean... My sons' teachers are finally catching on to them, thank God!) Because mine wasn't caught, because I wasn't labeled, I can function in the world. I have issues that this knowledge is helpful for now...but I wouldn't have made it this far if I'd been told my whole life that something was "wrong" with me. I'm very fearful for my sons' abilities to survive as adults once the 1-on-1's and accommodations get yanked.
In all this I've learned that it's up to us. To change perceptions (from cant do to can do). We can dwell in it and be defined and limited by it. Or we can see it as a PART of ourselves (like eye color) and acknowledge it without letting it BE us or limit us. I appreciate knowing now and can use that knowledge to help myself in areas I struggle, such as sensory overload, without being consumed by it. Cuz life does go on and we have to as well.
The thing that probably helped me the most with my social awkwardness is working retail and being forced to talk to people. Oh it was so hard at first! But has paid off exponentially :-) You would have to spend more than a minute with me to "see" the autism.
One last point I want to make. Off the subject but hopefully helpful to some. I found that when I was talking to my kids' doctors, teachers, therapists; that I would do so as if my kids didn't hear, and they did. Just food for thought. The emotional state is fragile enough at times. I cringe to think what I said in the past that they heard. For what it's worth...
Love, compassion, sympathy and hope to all :-)
Email: La7music@yahoo.com