Diagnosis of Asperger’s and Resultant Grief

Question

I have a son with Aspergers and am in denial about my family situation but I want to start to take some control back where should I start?

Answer

The feelings you are experiencing are completely normal. A diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome brings with it a mourning process. Every parent faced with a life-changing situation will need time (some more than others will) to sort out the emotions.

Denial is natural. Even if the diagnosis has been a long time coming, you still feel like someone ripped the rug from beneath your feet. Your first reaction, not my child, is not just common but expected. Be aware that there are several steps in the mourning process. Anger and depression are other steps of mourning that can come at any time.

The fact that you sense the need to take control shows that you are moving through the process. You are reaching acceptance. Your child needs you and you want to offer him the very best support possible. Here are some ideas you can use to regain control of your home life.

* Finding support is crucial. Autism support groups are a great place to connect with other parents. You do not have to go through this trial alone. Gathering with others living with Asperger’s can give you the strength you need to find acceptance.

* Arm yourself with information on Asperger’s Syndrome. Read books, consult specialists, and contact research organizations. Knowledge equals power. When you know what to expect, your situation becomes smaller than you are, allowing you to conquer what once seemed too big.

* Work together as a family to change your circumstances. Do the things you have been avoiding because of the diagnosis. Get out of the house together, enjoy each other, and don’t worry about what other people think or say.

* Consider going to a counselor. Sometimes we need a neutral, caring professional to talk with about our situation. Couples counseling can also help. Having a special needs child can be tough on a marriage. Group therapy for the family can get everyone on the same page, united and ready to move forward.

* Now you can get down to the business of treatment. Children with Asperger’s usually do very well with a little assistance. Discuss treatment options with your child’s physician, psychologist, and school special education team.

You will find that taking action, even if you have to start out with baby steps, will help you get out of that hole called denial and have you moving along toward a brighter future.

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