Is there help for a child with Aspergers and Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

Question:

We have finally had a diagnosis for aspergers and OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER after 6 and a half years of hell… my son is now 14 and apparently there is no help available!! He has a diagnosis and his statement will be drawn up for educational purposes, but where does that leave us as a family...he is so difficult to take anywhere… our house has been slowly getting destroyed by temper tantrums… so far every door needs replacing and the walls are covered in holes. I have a 9 yr old daughter with epilepsy who is really beginning to dislike being at home… it seems every day our house is filled with arguments over petty things which often lead to violent outbursts… there is no medication for him apparently, but I as a mother cannot cope much longer… this is changing me as a person, I'm finding I'm snappy and irritable and finding it hard to just get on with everyday …things that seemed so easy before... any suggestions on where what or who to go to for help???

Answer:

For many moms & dads of kids with Aspergers, coping with violent and aggressive behavior can be a very difficult challenge indeed.

Aggressive behavior in the youngster with Aspergers occurs for a reason, just as it would with any other youngster. No youngster ever really just "acts out" for no apparent reason whatsoever. The key is in the words "apparent reason" - there is ALWAYS a reason but the major challenge for the mom or dad is often working out what that reason is.

Inappropriate behavior, whether mild or severe, generally occurs in order to:

• Avoid something - for example a youngster may become aggressive and shout before getting the school bus; as they want to avoid going to school.

• Because of pain - for example a youngster may show a range of challenging behaviors to their moms & dads because they feel in physical pain, such as having earache.

• Fulfill a sensory need - for example a youngster may lash out or shout in the classroom if it is too noisy, too busy, too bright, too hot, or strong in a particular smell.

• Get something - for example a youngster may lash out at another youngster because they want to get the toy that the other youngster is playing with.

So the first step in reducing or eliminating this behavior is to determine the need that it fulfills by looking at the four categories above.

The second step is to teach them a replacement behavior, which they can use to communicate what they want or don't want. It may even involve using some of their obsessive or self-stimulating behaviors (like hand-flapping, rocking, pacing) as a replacement behavior.

This is because it would be far less intrusive to others than aggressive behaviors, but still serve the same purpose. It could also be about encouraging the youngster to express their feelings or negotiate verbally. For other kids they may communicate through another method like emotion cards, drawing, using symbols or "talking" through a puppet. You know your youngster best so you need to determine this.

This process takes time and initially, depending on the behavior, you may not have time. If the behavior is severe, then you need to remove the youngster from whatever situation they are in at the time immediately. Simply insisting that they stop the behavior and participate in whatever is occurring will not benefit the youngster or you; unless you remove them from the situation first.

Maintaining your youngster's routine will go a long way towards reducing the need for inappropriate or aggressive behavior in the first place. Routine is a great source of stability and comfort for them.

So just to recap the 2 critical factors for coping with your youngster's aggressive and violent behaviors are:

• Identify the real cause of the behavior from the 4 main categories above.
• Teach the youngster to communicate the real cause of the behavior to you in a less harmful manner.

My Aspergers Child