Helping Aspergers Kids Deal with Anger and Rage: Advice for Parents and Teachers

Helping Aspergers Kids Deal with Anger and Rage: Advice for Parents—

All of us exhibit some "signs" just as we begin to get angry. Identify the anger/rage signs in your Aspergers child. For example, you may detect a certain "look in the eye," the tone of voice or the tightness in the body. Help your youngster to observe these signs right at the onset of anger/rage.

Once Aspergers kids can identify the early signs of their anger/rage, they can also learn to diffuse it by such methods as walking away or taking full and vigorous breaths.

Train your Aspergers child to respond to your "signal" like your hand motion to stay calm. Give that signal as soon as your youngster starts "stewing" about something.

If your Aspergers child is too young for such self-control techniques, use distraction as soon as you notice the youngster exhibiting an anger/rage sign. A distraction, in order to be effective, has to be of interest to the youngster. For example suggest to your youngster, "Let's ride a bike" or, "Let's play ball."

Teach your Aspergers kids to talk about how they feel. Give them a language to express their feelings. For example, ask them how they feel. If they are too angry to talk or don't have the vocabulary to express their feelings, ask about the feelings relevant to the specific situation. Examples: "Do you feel embarrassed?" "Humiliated?" "Let down?" or, "Is your pride hurt?"

When your Aspergers child expresses the feeling behind his or her anger/rage, such as embarrassment or humiliation, suggest some other ways to look at the same event that might not be embarrassing or humiliating.

The thought, "It's not fair," is a big anger/rage arouser for many Aspergers kids. If that is the case, ask them, "Do you feel you are treated unfairly?" When your child answers the question, listen and don't rush to negate his or her feelings.

If the Aspergers child refuses to be distracted or engaged in dialoguing about his or her anger/rage and starts yelling, stomping or breaking an object, impose appropriate consequences. It's better to have these consequences in place to serve as a guideline. That means that you have discussed them with your Aspergers kids beforehand and written them out for future reference.

Armed with a list of consequences which preferably consist of withdrawing privileges or charging the Aspergers child a "penalty," moms & dads should encourage their kids to choose such alternatives as doing something else, walking away, or talking about the anger/rage rather than acting out of anger/rage.

How about your own anger/rage in response to your Aspergers child's anger/rage? You can set an example of anger/rage control for your youngster. No teaching technique is as effective as a parent "modeling" for the youngster with his or her own example.

One thing that makes many moms & dads angry is to see their own child challenging their authority and defying them. Sometimes, it may appear so, but that may not be the intention of the child. For example, a child may be too unhappy to be told "No.' because he or she wants it so badly. Of course, you shouldn't give in to the wishes of the child, but try to understand what might really be the intention of your Aspergers child.

Some Aspergers kids get upset when they know they made a mistake. Instead of admitting their mistake, they act out in anger/rage to deflect the attention off them. If you realize that that might be the case, it's helpful to say to your child, "Everyone makes mistakes. I am okay with it. Don't feel so bad about it."

Aspergers kids, who in anger/rage lash out at others, should be often reminded of such consequences as going to the Principal's office, being detained and losing privileges at home.

If the anger/rage outbursts occur in relation to the siblings and you didn't observe the whole interaction from the very beginning, it's better to impose penalty on both siblings.

Some Aspergers kids get angry because they don't have appropriate peer-interaction skills. For example, some Aspergers kids don't know how to join in a conversation or a game. They abruptly try to get in. When resisted or rejected by peers, they explode. Teaching appropriate social skills can go a long way to avoid such negative encounters.

We can establish a culture that reduces anger/rage and teaches tolerance. For example, we can set a personal example for Aspergers kids that "big people" do apologize and it's graceful to loose and try again.


Helping Aspergers Kids Deal with Anger and Rage: Advice for Teachers—

Kid's anger/rage presents challenges to teachers committed to constructive, ethical, and effective child guidance. This post explores what we know about the components of Aspergers kid's anger/rage, factors contributing to understanding and managing anger/rage, and the ways teachers can guide Aspergers kid's expressions of anger/rage.

Three Components of Anger/rage—

Anger/rage is believed to have three components (Lewis & Michalson, 1983):

The Emotional State of Anger/rage. The first component is the emotion itself, defined as an affective or arousal state, or a feeling experienced when a goal is blocked or needs are frustrated. Fabes and Eisenberg (1992) describe several types of stress-producing anger/rage provocations that young Aspergers kids face daily in classroom interactions:

• Conflict over possessions, which involves someone taking kid's property or invading their space.

• Issues of compliance, which often involve asking or insisting that Aspergers kids do something that they do not want to do--for instance, wash their hands.

• Physical assault, which involves one child doing something to another child, such as pushing or hitting.

• Rejection, which involves a youngster being ignored or not allowed to play with peers.

• Verbal conflict, for example, a tease or a taunt.

Expression of Anger/rage. The second component of anger/rage is its expression. Some Aspergers kids vent or express anger/rage through facial expressions, crying, sulking, or talking, but do little to try to solve a problem or confront the provocateur. Others actively resist by physically or verbally defending their positions, self-esteem, or possessions in non-aggressive ways. Still other Aspergers kids express anger/rage with aggressive revenge by physically or verbally retaliating against the provocateur. Some Aspergers kids express dislike by telling the offender that he or she cannot play or is not liked. Other Aspergers kids express anger/rage through avoidance or attempts to escape from or evade the provocateur. And some Aspergers kids use adult seeking, looking for comfort or solutions from a teacher, or telling the teacher about an incident.

Teachers can use child guidance strategies to help Aspergers kids express angry feelings in socially constructive ways. Aspergers kids develop ideas about how to express emotions (Michalson & Lewis, 1985; Russel, 1989) primarily through social interaction in their families and later by watching television or movies, playing video games, and reading books (Honig & Wittmer, 1992). Some Aspergers kids have learned a negative, aggressive approach to expressing anger/rage (Cummings, 1987; Hennessy et al., 1994) and, when confronted with everyday anger/rage conflicts, resort to using aggression in the classroom (Huesmann, 1988). A major challenge for early childhood teachers is to encourage Aspergers kids to acknowledge angry feelings and to help them learn to express anger/rage in positive and effective ways.

An Understanding of Anger/rage. The third component of the anger/rage experience is understanding--interpreting and evaluating--the emotion. Because the ability to regulate the expression of anger/rage is linked to an understanding of the emotion (Zeman & Shipman, 1996), and because kid's ability to reflect on their anger/rage is somewhat limited, Aspergers kids need guidance from teachers and moms & dads in understanding and managing their feelings of anger/rage.

Understanding and Managing Anger/rage—

The development of basic cognitive processes undergirds kid's gradual development of the understanding of anger/rage (Lewis & Saarni, 1985).

Memory. Memory improves substantially during early childhood (Perlmutter, 1986), enabling young Aspergers kids to better remember aspects of anger/rage-arousing interactions. Aspergers kids who have developed unhelpful ideas of how to express anger/rage (Miller & Sperry, 1987) may retrieve the early unhelpful strategy even after teachers help them gain a more helpful perspective. This finding implies that teachers may have to remind some Aspergers kids, sometimes more than once or twice, about the less aggressive ways of expressing anger/rage.

Language. Talking about emotions helps young Aspergers kids understand their feelings (Brown & Dunn, 1996). The understanding of emotion in preschool Aspergers kids is predicted by overall language ability (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Teachers can expect individual differences in the ability to identify and label angry feelings because Aspergers kid's families model a variety of approaches in talking about emotions.

Self-Referential and Self-Regulatory Behaviors. Self-referential behaviors include viewing the self as separate from others and as an active, independent, causal agent. Self-regulation refers to controlling impulses, tolerating frustration, and postponing immediate gratification. Initial self-regulation in young Aspergers kids provides a base for early childhood teachers who can develop strategies to nurture kid's emerging ability to regulate the expression of anger/rage.

Guiding Kid's Expressions of Anger/rage—

Teachers can help Aspergers kids deal with anger/rage by guiding their understanding and management of this emotion. The practices described here can help Aspergers kids understand and manage angry feelings in a direct and non-aggressive way.

Create a Safe Emotional Climate. A healthy early childhood setting permits Aspergers kids to acknowledge all feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, and does not shame anger/rage. Healthy classroom systems have clear, firm, and flexible boundaries.

Model Responsible Anger/rage Management. Aspergers kids have an impaired ability to understand emotion when adults show a lot of anger/rage (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Adults who are most effective in helping Aspergers kids manage anger/rage model responsible management by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for their own angry feelings and by expressing anger/rage in direct and non-aggressive ways.

Help Aspergers kids Develop Self-Regulatory Skills. Teachers of infants and toddlers do a lot of self-regulation "work," realizing that the Aspergers kids in their care have a very limited ability to regulate their own emotions. As Aspergers kids get older, adults can gradually transfer control of the self to the children, so that they can develop self-regulatory skills.

Encourage Aspergers kids to Label Feelings of Anger/rage. Teachers and moms & dads can help young Aspergers kids produce a label for their anger/rage by teaching them that they are having a feeling and that they can use a word to describe their angry feeling. A permanent record (a book or chart) can be made of lists of labels for anger/rage (e.g., mad, irritated, annoyed), and the class can refer to it when discussing angry feelings.

Encourage Aspergers kids to Talk About Anger/rage-Arousing Interactions. Preschool Aspergers kids better understand anger/rage and other emotions when adults explain emotions (Denham, Zoller, &Couchoud, 1994). When Aspergers kids are embroiled in an anger/rage-arousing interaction, teachers can help by listening without judging, evaluating, or ordering them to feel differently.

Use Books and Stories about Anger/rage to Help Aspergers kids Understand and Manage Anger/rage. Well-presented stories about anger/rage and other emotions validate kid's feelings and give information about anger/rage (Jalongo, 1986; Marion, 1995). It is important to preview all books about anger/rage because some stories teach irresponsible anger/rage management.

Communicate with Moms & dads. Some of the same strategies employed to talk with moms & dads about other areas of the curriculum can be used to enlist their assistance in helping Aspergers kids learn to express emotions. For example, articles about learning to use words to label anger/rage can be included in a newsletter to moms & dads.

Aspergers kids guided toward responsible anger/rage management are more likely to understand and manage angry feelings directly and non-aggressively and to avoid the stress often accompanying poor anger/rage management (Eisenberg et al., 1991). Teachers can take some of the bumps out of understanding and managing anger/rage by adopting positive guidance strategies.

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