Coming to terms with an Asperger's diagnosis...

Question

How do I help my 12 year old son to come to terms with his
diagnosis and help him to understand that it is not the end
of the world?

Answer

So many times in life, we focus on the negative. It’s
raining, getting up early, taking a test, and spilling a
glass of milk are things that happen all the time. None of
these are true negatives, but our perspective makes them
worse than reality. You can turn each of these examples
into a positive with a shift of thinking: thick green grass,
seeing the sun rise, showing off skills, and a floor that
needed a good mopping anyway are all positive outcomes to
the same situations.

Asperger’s Syndrome is definitely not the worst thing in the
world. There are many positive qualities to be found in a
child with Asperger’s. They’re smart, so knowledgeable, and
have an amazing memory. Children with Asperger’s have an
intense sense of right and wrong and desire to follow the
rules. In the same sense, they are extremely honest. And
although they may have problems focusing on things like
reading, spelling, or chores, they have an incredible
ability to focus on a subject of interest until they know
all there is to know about that subject.

Sit down with your son and make a list of his positive
qualities. I’ve probably listed several here to get you
started. Keep in mind that he may attempt to phrase
something as a negative. Help him see the positive in as
many qualities as possible. His list may look like this:

* Very intelligent
* Remembers everyone’s birthday and phone number
* Can talk about fun things that happened when he was 3
years old
* Almost never breaks the rules
* Almost always tells the truth
* Knows everything there is to know about ____________
(special interest)
* Tries to make sure everyone else follows the rules

Talk to your son about any weaknesses he specifically brings
up. Remind him that none of us are perfect. We all have
weaknesses, but we also have the ability to seek help to
control those weaknesses. Explain to him that the extra help
and therapies he receives at school are to help him gain
more control over his weaknesses.

Share a few printed resources with your son. He is old
enough to read books and magazines written by and for kids
his age. “Jay Grows an Alien” by Caroline Levine is a good
example. This novel is written for the child with Asperger’s,
as well as his peers and shows kids that all of us have
differences and are unique and special in our own way.

Finally, let your son know that he is the person he was
intended to be and that he is loved just the way he is. He
has Asperger’s Syndrome, but he is not Asperger’s Syndrome.
He is an intelligent, unique, and special twelve year old
boy.

My Aspergers Child