Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome

Question

My adult son is doing wonderful at college managing his
courses and his job. This past year he has even been
developing new friendships. However, he is not managing his
finances well. For a while he only had to pay for his car
payment and insurance. Now, he has also accumulated some
credit cards and short-term loans. While he lives away at
school, his mail and bills come here–so I’ve been checking
his mail. He has not been paying his bills on time–I’ve had
to make some payments for him. He knows that I am holding
him accountable to reimburse me. How can I help him develop
an organized budget system, while at the same time not
offending him and turning him away from us? It’s been
difficult to get him to answer our phone calls and emails,
and maintain that delicate balance of discussing these
problems while maintaining our nice parent/son relationship.
I’d appreciate any advice or resources for this.

Answer

Congratulations on raising a well-adjusted, successful adult.
Leaving home, managing college courses, a job and developing
new friends are all huge accomplishments for a person with
Asperger’s Syndrome. These types of life changes can be
overwhelming for any young adult.

Going away to college creates feelings of newfound
independence. It is normal for your son to pull away a bit
as he finds his own way. Balancing this independence with
the need for parental guidance may be difficult for all of
you. Assure your son that it is still your job to support
him through life, no matter how old he is. While you are
willing to help in any way, you will expect him to take full
control of his financial situation, just as he has taken
control of the other areas of his life. Paying his late
bills for him will keep his credit report in good shape, but
he will not learn to manage his money this way.

One way you can help from a distance is to find a good
computer bookkeeping program. These programs make budgeting
and bill paying quick and easy. Use the program yourself
and recommend it to him. This will help the encounter seem
more equal-a genuine product review rather than a
parent-to-child demand. Encourage him to share this new
information with any friends who may be struggling with
their finances. This is a common problem for college kids
everywhere. Sometimes the freedom is just overwhelming.
Once he has come up with a solution for his financial
struggles, make sure he budgets for the money he owes on
those late bills you paid. Live and learn, right?

There are many things to learn at college other than that
major being pursued. This time of life can be stressful for
the student and the family. It is difficult to make life
changes and they seldom go perfectly. The book “Succeeding
in College with Asperger Syndrome: A Student Guide” by John
Harpur, Maria Lawlor and Michael Fitzgerald - will be a helpful
guide that your son can refer to as often as necessary.

This book will answer many questions regarding life as a
college student with Asperger’s. Covering concepts such as
studying, peer interaction, household chores, relationships
and time management, this title takes on all aspects of life
away from home from the perspective of both clinical
applications and personal interviews with Asperger’s
students.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.