Aspergers Kids & Bullying

Question

My son is being home-schooled this year because of the bullying that went on in his public school class. How can Asperger’s kids be helped with bullying or, even better, get it stopped in the first place?

Answer

Unfortunately, the majority of children with Asperger’s Syndrome experience bullying or victimization at school. There are many reasons for this, but mainly it is because children with Asperger’s stand out from typically developing students due to their problems in social situations. Children who bully are socially savvy and are able to keep from getting caught, which makes bullying difficult to spot and stop. Students with Aspergers have a low social IQ, so they either do not notice the bullying, retaliate, or get the blame for it shifted onto them! It is the responsibility of adults, parents and teachers, to address this issue.

Your decision to homeschool your son is a wise one in this situation. Be sure that he knows he must tell you right away when he is bullied. Warn him against being aggressive or provoking the bully. Help him practice being assertive and not showing fear. Encourage your child to stick with friends at all times when he is away from home. Also warn him against trying to appease the bully, for example, if the bully says he should steal something and then they’ll be friends, your son should be taught how to say no.

The myth of the “overprotective mother” in this case is bogus; parents and professionals must assume a “protective” role with Asperger’s children. These children are extremely vulnerable and independence should be introduced gradually, in controlled, non-threatening situations.

Your next step is to see if anti-bullying laws exist in your country or state and get a copy of the law. Your child’s rights are contained in these laws. Many states have anti-bullying laws that should contain the following:

1) The word “bullying” must be used in the bill/law/statutes and the law must mandate programs, using the word “shall.” Some other words used are, “hate crimes” harassment, discrimination, or intimidation.

2) The law must be an anti-bullying law, not a school safety law. Anti-bullying laws discuss individual student

3) There must be definitions of bullying and harassment. Any child can be a bullying victim and all children should be protected.

4) There should be recommendations on how the policy will be implemented. Log on to: www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html for more information.

5) An effective law involves education specialists at all levels, i.e.; the State Superintendent of Education’s office, school district and school personnel, parents and students.

6) Laws should include a date by which policies must be in effect.

7) There must be consequences for reprisal, retaliation, or false accusations and procedures for reporting bullying anonymously.

8) There must be school district protection against lawsuits. Parents of bullies should know that they can be
sued for their child’s behavior and school districts should know that they can be sued if they fail to comply with anti-bullying law.

Next, make an appointment with the school principal to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy. The vast majority of schools have disciplinary policies to address this type of misconduct. Explain what happened to your child and demand to know what steps are being taken so that your child can return to school without harassment. If the school principal refuses to cooperate with you to get bullying in the school stopped, speak to the School Board, publicly stating what is happening. You will get a response! If you know of other bullying victims, get their parents to work with you. If the school district still won’t cooperate, get a child advocate or attorney and take steps to see that they do.

Notify the police if your child is assaulted. Get a restraining order so that a bully is required by law to have no contact with your child. Take legal action.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Best Comment:

As an adult on the spectrum, I will say the only thing that ever worked was fighting back, physically if necessary. Teachers normally did not intervene when they witnessed bullying. Parent and teacher intervention was not effective, and the teachers didn't really care. Teachers generally did not take insults, kicking, or another student threatening to stab me with a pocket knife seriously. Their responses: "Just ignore them" and (if I was merely being called a "psycho retard nerd" or being told to go to a mental institution) talking about sticks and stones. When I was 9, I did stupid things because I thought my classmates had a right to order me to. 

When I was 11, bullies made my life a living hell. By the time I was 13, I knew to hit back and the turds found other kids to pick on. I later unlearned this behavior in high school (no longer necessary), and about half the kids who picked on me went on to (found this out by searching public records online) have criminal records. My boyfriend (also on the spectrum) had a similar experience, except that he started fighting back a couple years later and his school life became tolerable a couple years later. If the school is truly interested in intervening that's one thing, but more often they gave it lip service and then turn a blind eye. And the kids know it.