Aspergers & Curfew Violation

Question

My 21 year old is staying out all night and not telling us
where he has been. I am worried as he is not really “street
wise” and probably at big risk.

Answer

Those with Asperger’s have a lot of difficulty recognizing
when someone is lying to them, using them for their own
purposes, or befriending them in order to get them involved
in inappropriate activities. Many Asperger’s teens and
adults are surprised that someone would even try to take
advantage of them. While they understand if something is
true or false, they cannot understand why someone would use
the truth to create lies, say one thing but mean something
else, or believe something that is not true.

The slow or confused processing of emotions many Aspies
experience can impede awareness of dangerous situations and
stop rational thought. The emotional warning signs that are
meant to protect them from difficult or harmful situations
may malfunction, or work so slowly that they lose
effectiveness. This means that Aspies are less prepared to
defend themselves verbally or physically in an argument or
conflict or say “No” to inappropriate activities.
Consequently, your son, even though he is an adult, may fall
victim to exploitation or worse through no fault of his own.

Even though he is an adult, you must still try to protect
your socially naïve son as he is not ready for the same
amount of freedom as other adults. Does he have a
trustworthy friend or relative (a cousin, perhaps) who could
help him by going out with him and keeping him out of
trouble?

This person can try to help him understand that many people
act friendly, but may want to get him involved in foolish or
dangerous activities. Also, this person could help him get
involved in clubs or groups in which he will meet
responsible friends.

Counselling is definitely called for in this situation. You
and a counsellor may be able to convince your son to tell
you what is going on when he is outside the home. Also, he
needs to tell you when “friends” want him to do something
wrong or dangerous. Convince him that by doing so he is
doing the right thing, obeying the law, and keeping himself
and others safe.

It is probably a good idea to put your name on all his bank
accounts so that both of you must agree before he can access
his money.

Sit down with your son and have a long talk about what he
shouldn’t do when he is with friends, including
inappropriate sexual activity, criminal activity, take
drugs, drink, drive after drinking, and so forth. Make it
very clear to him the negative consequences of doing each of
these things, in very specific terms. Make it clear that he
must not engage in these activities even to gain the
friendship of others.

One of the good things for young people with Aspergers in
this situation is that they can be very “black and white” in
sticking to rules. So if you can emphasise some of the laws
around certain behaviors e.g. petty crime, certain sexual
behaviours, use of alcohol/drugs etc. you have a much better
chance of compliance than with non-Aspie teens. In such
situations quite rigid thinking can be a good thing if it
helps to keep your son on the “straight and narrow”.

You should also consider the possibility of a group home or
assisted living situation for your son to help him learn to
become independent and act responsibly.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.