Asperger's Syndrome and Mindblindness

Question
Brain blindness: how to break through rigid thinking that
prevents them from making a connection between their
behavior and negative consequences? Once my Aspie children
get an idea, no amount of evidence to the contrary will
shift them.

Answer
One big challenge for those with high-functioning Asperger’s
syndrome, is mindblindness (sometimes called brain
blindness). Mindblindness refers to the inability of people
with Asperger’s to understand and empathize with the needs,
beliefs, and intentions that drive other people’s behavior,
and their own. Without this ability, Aspies cannot make
sense of the world. The world is constantly confusing them,
and they go through life making mistakes because nothing
makes sense (mindblindness). Aspies cannot connect their
own needs, beliefs, and intentions to experiences and
positive or negative consequences, at least not on their own.
Many Aspies are unaware that they even have this problem,
even if they know they have Asperger’s!

Yet, Aspies can learn to compensate for mindblindness with a
lifetime of constant “counselling” by good teachers, parents,
counsellors, and therapists. Some adult Aspies can read
books and learn, but AS children need others to help them.
With good help, Aspies can grow up to lead nearly normal
lives. A good book for parents, teachers, and older Aspies
to read is: Mindblindness by Simon Baron-Cohen.

Parents must understand that their Aspie children must be
taught to use logic to make sense of the world and the
people in it, one personal situation at a time.
Here are some “rules” written by a gentleman with Asperger’s
that may help parents assist their Aspie children. He named
them “Rules to Make Sense” and recommends that Aspie
children be taught them.

“1) Every human behaviour has a reason behind it, even if I
don’t see it.

2) I will not give up my unrelenting, autistic
singlemindedness until I find the reason for a behaviour, or
until I am satisfied that I do not have enough information
to find it.

3) When I find the reason, all the pieces will fall into
place, and not a single one will be left that doesn’t fit.

4) After I find it, I will dig further to try to disprove it.

5) If I find a single piece that doesn’t fit, then I still
have a problem. Go back to step two with the problem.

6) I will force myself to accept what I have in front of me
as the truth, even if I find it hard to believe.”

Here are a few more facts that Aspies must learn.

1) Most people usually talk about the things they want, and
openly say what they believe. Women talk more than men and
focus on feelings more.

2) When somebody’s behavior flies in the face of logic,
concentrate on his or her feelings.

3) Some people are so messed up that it is just not possible
to figure them out. Know when to give up.

A parents’ strategy should be to get their Aspie sons or
daughters obsessed with the need to make sense of the world
and help them understand that the mysteries of human
behavior disappear when one understands the appropriate
states of mind behind them. Also, to help them realize that
once the state of mind is understood, people’s future
behavior can be anticipated. But, how does a parent do that
when the Aspie isn’t motivated to do so because they don’t
realize there’s a need?

A parent must:

1) Teach the Aspie to make sense of the world by himself (
eventually).

2) Constantly explain people’s states of mind to him and
what they mean until he learns to figure them out on his own.
This means explaining the wants, needs, and beliefs that
drive human behavior and the reasons behind all the
unwritten rules that are part of human relationships.

Give the Aspie books to read. Explain his challenges and
that he is in a state of confusion without being aware of it.
Explain how each person feels about the world and about his
own life. Explain that every person has a different set of
values and that their behavior is driven by these values.
Explain also your own state of mind and emotions constantly.
Explain why you explain things to him. Explain that he
should ask you questions about things he doesn’t understand.
Do these things over and over and over.

Explain his own needs to him. It is only when he
understands what he wants himself that he will have a basis
for understanding that others also have wants, and that
peoples’ wants are what makes them behave the way they do.
If you explain something over and over, and he never ‘gets
it’, the reason could be that there is more basic knowledge
that he doesn’t have in order to understand.

Protect your Aspie children from the cruelty of strangers.
Some people are not going to pass up the opportunity to
treat them badly. You should explain that this is going to
happen, and that they should not feel ashamed to go to you
for support. They are going to meet people that will try to
convince them they are worthless. You must convince them
that they can and will make a success of life, as many
Asperger’s people have. You must explain the states of mind
of these people and why they do what they do – over and over.

Explain before punishing. If you punish a child for doing
A, all that he is going to learn is that if he does A again,
he is going to be punished again. He will not understand
why he should not do A in the first place.

It is this constant explaining and counselling by parents,
teachers, and therapists over years and years of living,
repeated over and over again, that eventually will help the
Aspie break through the bonds of mindblindness and learn to
handle life successfully, on his own. Don’t give up; keep
trying and get others to help you.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.