Aspergers Kids and Lack of Cooperation

"Any tricks for getting a very stubborn 4 year old Asperger's child to do what he is told. He truly has a mind of his own. For example, if our requests don't make sense to him, he refuses to do what we ask, which usually results in a mother-son tug of war."

A "token economy" seems to work best for kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism. This is a system where the child earns tokens as a reward for desired behaviors. A predetermined number of tokens are then "cashed-in" for a privilege the child desires (e.g., a favorite snack, time for playing video games, etc.). A token economy is flexible and can be easily tailored to suit the individual needs - and desires - of the youngster.

Token economies that use money tokens seem to be the most successful with Aspergers kids in increasing their ability to delay gratification, and lessening the risk of satiation (i.e., overuse of a reward that results in the child no longer viewing it as a reward). Using money in a token economy negates the need for the child to decode an abstract concept, because in the "real world," people are paid money for completing tasks in their place of employment.

Aspergers kids take a long time establishing trust, and for this reason, a token economy should initially focus on rewarding desired behaviors and actions. Once the program has been established for a number of years, you may then be able to introduce "response costs" where the child is fined for inappropriate behavior. This correlates the token economy with real world experiences (e.g., if I drive too fast, I get a speeding ticket; if I park where I shouldn’t, I get a parking ticket). However, the focus of the program in the early stages must be on the positives, because Aspergers kids are prone to quickly losing their motivation and trust.

Be creative with the reinforcers offered as motivation. Offering a "menu of rewards" to choose from seems most successful. Initially, "cashed-in" rewards need to be fairly instant (e.g., at the end of each day). Over time, this can be stretched to the end of each week. As the child matures, this delayed gratification may be able to be stretched to a month; however, small rewards and motivators should be offered consistently along the way.

As with all strategies used with Aspergers children, patience and perseverance are the keys to success when using a token economy, but the rewards for both the parent and child are awesome!

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Helping Your Aspergers Child Succeed In School

"My daughter is 10 years old, high functioning and now in middle school. Her teachers are constantly sending me notes saying she isn’t working up to her ability and they can’t get her to stay on task or ask for help. When she’s home, I can get her to do well with homework. I obviously can’t go to school with her everyday. What are some ways the teachers can get her to stay on task without making her stand out to the rest of the class? She is also legally blind and doesn’t want to appear different in any other way."

If your daughter’s teachers expect her to respond to the predominantly visual learning methods that are used in most schools, obviously, they will not work for her. If this situation exists, no wonder your daughter can’t stay on task or ask for help. In addition, her Aspergers symptoms affect her attention span and motivation.

First of all, your daughter should be evaluated by an educational child psychologist (either privately or through the school). A full diagnosis and specialized treatment is very important, including a complete assessment of her strengths and weaknesses (including her vision problem).

Often times, children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism are expected to be able to function successfully in mainstream education, but they struggle through no fault of their own. Aspergers students are very smart, but their problems with social interaction and repetitive behaviors make mainstream education difficult. In addition, your daughter has a serious vision problem, an added cause of difficulties. Once evaluated, she can be appropriately placed in a mainstream educational program with instructional aide support or in special education.

Based on your description, it sounds as though the school’s program (whether it’s mainstream or special education) is not meeting her needs, and the teachers do not have the knowledge they need to help her. Special training and classes for them is vital, as they must address issues with Aspergers as well as her vision problem.

The school has a responsibility to re-evaluate your daughter if she is not progressing well. This is a legal, federally mandated responsibility. You should formally request the school to address your daughter’s difficulties and, with your input and that of her doctors, teachers, and psychologist, prepare a specific, educational plan to address all of her challenges. You may need an advocacy group’s help if the school is reluctant to do this.

Often times, a child with Aspergers and other diagnoses is more successful when placed in a special education classroom (or even a special school) with trained teachers and aides who provide a consistent, individualized educational program in a smaller group of students. Counseling and occupational therapy can be easily scheduled, monitored, and supported by special education teachers. The child may have the same teachers and aides for several years, increasing their understanding of her needs and maximizing her progress.

While your daughter may not want this type of placement at first (because she will appear to be “different”), once she experiences the improvement in her ability to participate in the curriculum, she will understand why a special placement may be the best option for her. Counseling may help her come to terms with the fact that she is different in some ways from other students, but that she is also very gifted, as well. 

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Asperger's: Common Questions & Quick Answers

What are some of the traits of Asperger's (AS)?

• A child with AS wants to fit in and make friends, he just does not know how to do it.
• AS usually affects a child's social skills, communication skills, and behavior.
• AS is a problem of child development.
• The child usually functions well in every day life, but he has problems interacting with others.
• AS causes a wide range of developmental problems in children.
• AS is a brain disorder.
• It is one of the pervasive developmental disorders (PDD).
• Other PDD's include Autism, Rett's syndrome, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, and PDD-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS).
• AS is sometimes called High-Functioning Autism.
• Unlike an autistic child, a child with AS has fewer problems with language, and usually has average to above average intelligence.

What causes AS?

• The cause is unknown.
• It may have something to do with genetics, or how the brain works.
• Parents do not cause AS.

Who can get AS?

• Anyone can get AS.
• Parents of a child with AS are more likely to have another child with AS.
• It is more common in boys than in girls.

What are the signs of AS?

The signs and symptoms of AS are similar to those of other behavioral problems. It is very important that a doctor sees your child if you think he has AS.

Social Skills—

• Has problems making friends
• Lacks social skills
• Seems unaware of others' feelings
• Unable to carry on conversations

Communication Skills—

• Cannot start a conversation or keep one going
• May have problems with nonverbal communication or body language
• Avoids eye contact
• Does not use or understand hand gestures
• Does not change his face when talking with others (e.g., not smiling when telling something funny)
• Does not understand other people's facial expressions (e.g., not understanding why someone would smile at a joke)
• May have a short attention span
• Repeats a word or phrase over and over again
• Words may be very formal and loud

Behavior—

• Clumsy
• Does not like changes in every-day routines
• Only interested in a few things (e.g., collecting rocks, listening to music)
• May have obsessive behavior
• Collects categories of things such as rocks or paper clips
• Knows categories of information like Latin names of flowers or football statistics
• May have problems with reading, writing or math skills
• Lacks organization skills
• Repeats certain behaviors over and over again

How is it diagnosed?

• The doctor will watch your child and ask you about his symptoms. How have his social and language skills changed over time? His behavior?
• It is usually diagnosed between 3 and 9 years old.
• The child may need to be seen by a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist (i.e., special doctors who are trained to diagnose AS).
• He may need tests.
• AS cannot be diagnosed at birth.
• AS can be difficult to diagnose because the child can function well in every-day life.
• A doctor should see the child as soon as any signs or symptoms are noticed.

Is it contagious?

• No. AS is not contagious.

How is it treated?

• Treatment depends on the level of functioning of your child. A child with higher intelligence will have a better outcome.
• Types of treatments include: (a) behavioral modification, (b) education and training, (c) language therapy, (d) medicines for specific behavioral problems, (e) parent education and training, (f) psychotherapy, (g) sensory integration training (i.e., the child is treated to be less sensitive to things that bother him a lot), and (h) social skills training.
• It is important if all of the child's caregivers are involved in the treatment. This can include family members, close friends, babysitters, teachers, etc.
• Your child will most likely continue to have some problems throughout his life (e.g., there is an increased risk of developing depression or anxiety), but he will be able to make friends and have long-lasting relationships.
• With treatment, your child can learn to live with the condition. Many children are able finish high school, and then eventually attend college and get a job.
• There is no cure for AS.

Can it be prevented?

• AS cannot be prevented because we do not know what causes it.

When should I call the doctor?

• Your child has a legal right to receive special services at school. Talk to your doctor or teachers for more information. They can help you decide what school setting and education plan will be best for your child.
• Call your child's doctor, your child's school, or a support group for help. There are many organizations that can help you cope and teach you how to manage life with a child with AS.
• Call your doctor if your child shows behaviors of AS from the signs and symptoms list above.
• Call your doctor if you have any questions about your child's condition.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Top 100 Asperger's Websites - 2009

1. * Aspie.com : Celebrating Individuality!

2. A Directory for Asperger Syndrome

3. A support group that is aimed at the families of those affected with Asperger's Asperger Syndrome and the Elementary School Experience: Practical ... - Google Books Result

4. AAMFT - Aspergers Syndrome Consumer Update

5. ABC News: Asperger's Syndrome: Separating Myth From Reality

6. ABC News: More Students With Asperger Syndrome Going to College

7. About Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, and Related Disorders by Maap ...

8. AHA/Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism Association

9. Amazon.com: Asperger Syndrome: Ami Klin, Fred R. Volkmar, Sara S ...

10. Amazon.com: Autism and Asperger Syndrome: Uta Frith: Books

11. Asperger and Autism Information by MAAP Services, Inc. - The ...

12. Asperger Syndrome

13. Asperger Syndrome - Google Books Result

14. Asperger syndrome - Overview

15. Asperger Syndrome - Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment of Asperger ...

16. Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

17. Asperger Syndrome / Family Village

18. Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Practical Solutions for School ... - Google Books Result

19. Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety | AboutOurKids.org

20. Asperger Syndrome and Sensory Issues: Practical Solutions for ... - Google Books Result

21. Asperger Syndrome Coalition of the United States

22. Asperger Syndrome Education Network (ASPEN)

23. Asperger Syndrome in Children - Keep Kids Healthy

24. Asperger Syndrome Information Page: National Institute of ...

25. Asperger Syndrome OASIS

26. Asperger Syndrome Support & Awareness of Central Illinois

27. Asperger Syndrome: The OASIS Guide To Asperger Syndrome

28. Asperger Syndrome: What Is It?

29. Asperger’s Syndrome: A Developmental Puzzle

30. AspergerDVDSeries

31. Aspergers and Behavior

32. Asperger's Association of New England - AANE

33. Asperger's Disorder

34. ASPERGER'S DISORDER HOMEPAGE

35. Asperger's Forum

36. Asperger's Syndrome

37. Asperger's Syndrome - America's Next Top Model - Autism - New York ...

38. Asperger's syndrome - MayoClinic.com

39. Asperger's Syndrome - neurologychannel

40. Asperger's Syndrome - Revolution Health

41. Asperger's Syndrome - Symptoms - Yahoo! Health

42. Asperger's syndrome (www.whonamedit.com)

43. Asperger's Syndrome and Your Child - FamilyEducation.com

44. Asperger's Syndrome Fact Sheet

45. Asperger's Syndrome in the Yahoo! Directory

46. Asperger's Syndrome Info

47. Aspergers Syndrome Information, Characteristics, Definitions ...

48. Asperger's Syndrome Support

49. Asperger's Syndrome, Autism/PDD: Yale Child Study Center

50. Asperger's Syndrome: Description, Criteria, Causes, Symptoms ...

51. Asperger's syndrome: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com

52. Asperger's Syndrome-Symptoms

53. Asperger's/Autism

54. Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien - CNN.com

55. Autism / Asperger's Syndrome / PDD Publications and conferences ...

56. Autism and Asperger Syndrome - Google Books Result

57. Autism and Juice Plus

58. Autism Resources - Asperger's Syndrome

59. Autism Society of America: What's Unique about Asperger's Disorder?

60. Autism Speaks, What is Autism, What is Asperger's Syndrome

61. Autism, ASD, PDD, Asperger's Syndrome - Articles, Cases, Resources ...

62. Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, and the Autism Spectrum

63. Autism, Asperger's syndrome, PDD-NOS and related disorders: fact ...

64. Autistic Spectrum Disorders: Sorting Out Autism, Asperger's ...

65. CEC | Autism/Asperger's Syndrome

66. Children, Youth and Adults with Asperger Syndrome: Integrating ... - Google Books Result

67. Coulter Video - Autism & Asperger Syndrome Videos

68. eMedicine - Pervasive Developmental Disorder: Asperger Syndrome ...

69. FAAAS - Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome

70. Find Asperger's Stories

71. Franklin Academy

72. Google Directory - Health > Mental Health > Disorders ...

73. GRASP - The Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership

74. Hardin MD : Aspergers Syndrome

75. Help for Aspergers

76. Hoagies' Gifted: Asperger's Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism

77. Intentional action and Asperger Syndrome - Boing Boing

78. Intentional Action and Asperger Syndrome | Psychology Today Blogs

79. Is Asperger’s syndrome/High-Functioning Autism necessarily a ...

80. Jack Knight

81. KJP's Asperger's Syndrome Site

82. Living with Asperger's Syndrome || kuro5hin.org

83. MedlinePlus: Asperger's Syndrome

84. Need Aspergers Answers?

85. Neuroscience for Kids - Asperger's Syndrome

86. OkCupid.com: Take The Asperger's Syndrome Test

87. Pervasive Developmental Disorder: Asperger Syndrome: Overview ...

88. Sacramento Asperger Syndrome Information & Support

89. Selected List of Videos, Videos on Asperger’s Syndrome, IRCA

90. Signs of Asperger's Syndrome - Natural Remedy for Asperger's Disease

91. Summer Camps and Academic Programs for Kids with Asperger's Syndrome

92. Targeting Autism: What We Know, Don't Know, and Can Do to Help ... - Google Books Result

93. The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome - Google Books Result

94. The DRM WebWatcher: Asperger's Syndrome

95. The Infinite Mind: Asperger's Syndrome: A Special Report (Part One ...

96. treat aspergers syndrome social skills deficits.

97. Understanding Asperger's Syndrome : NPR

98. Virtual Pediatric Hospital: CQQA: Asperger's Syndrome

99. Welcome To: A.S.P.I.E.

100. What Is Asperger Syndrome or Asperger's Disorder?

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome.

Aspergers Children and Split Personality

"Is it common for a child with Asperger’s to have a split personality? My daughter is a really good kid at school, but then a complete monster at home. Is this normal?"

Aspergers is known to manifest itself differently with different children. Also, children with Aspergers  may react differently to various situations depending on their individual personalities. Your child may feel more comfortable with the familiar surroundings at home, and feel freer to act out more at home than in public, where she is surrounded by strangers and in a less familiar environment.

The stress of school may be relieved by a “meltdown” or other difficult behavior at home. This is a common occurrence. Quite a few kids with Aspergers are saints at school, but they soak up the anguish and then squeeze it out on their family members when they get home.

Aspergers is treated in two ways, and both of them help manage the anxiety that accompanies this disorder. The first is cognitive psychology, and the second is prescription medication. The first thing you need to do in order to help your daughter is to find a psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in Aspergers. This specialist will be able to help you and your daughter discover the reasons behind her behavioral changes.

In addition, a specialist will help you do two things:

1. Modify the situation or the environment in which your daughter lives in order to reduce difficult behavior.
2. Create interventions for handling her anxiety.

Please don’t be intimidated. Changes don’t have to be complex or unmanageable. The changes you need to make might just involve changing lighting to a lower level, adjusting sound levels in your home, or creating a new schedule.

If initial interventions do not help, a psychiatrist can prescribe medications which will provide your daughter with the help she needs. It’s important to note that psychotropic (mood-altering) drugs like Zoloft or Prozac can help children, but they can also cause serious problems for children. If the psychiatrist prescribes medication, ask about dosage levels and, more importantly, side effects.

Just about all drugs have side effects, and it’s important for you to know about them so you know what to expect. You know your child better than anyone else; ask yourself if she can handle side effects like nausea, hypersensitivity, or prolonged sleepiness. These are all possible, depending on the medication prescribed.

More information about Aspergers children doing well at school - but poorly at home - can be found here: Behavior Problems At Home - But Not At School 

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook 


COMMENTS:
 
Anonymous said...
My oldest son is like this. I say he assimulates (sp) at school then when he hits the door at home all bets are off and he's able to breathe. Which sadly for us means it's on and it's ugly somedays!

Anonymous said...
School is structured... maybe he can cut loose at home..

Anonymous said...
Maybe he is intimidated by bigger kids at school and he is reacting at home where everything is safe and friendly. Try and get to the bottom of his school troubles as a means to calm him down.

Anonymous said...
my daughter was like that, she had to be "normal" while at school which caused her to stress out & once she was home she was able to be herself & release the stress. In her words " Mommy, you love me no matter what even if I break something"

Anonymous said...
He's also probably over-stimulated and all the tension from being so good all day is really stressing him out so he's acting out in his safe place. My son was the same way, so we send him to school in the mornings and homeschool him in the afternoons to give him more down time. It's a good balance for us but doesn't work for everyone of course.

Anonymous said...
My son has always been this way. They work so hard to hold it all together at school by the time they get home in their 'safe haven' they melt down. I'd rather it be at home than at school or elsewhere though. However, it does wear you down after awhile. I dread 3:30pm in the afternoon on school days! Hang in there.

Anonymous said...
Im havin the same trouble as soon as he leaves school it starts but they wont diagones him cus he ok in school 4 2hrs even thow his behaviour so extreme at ome we got a surport worker health vistor social worker but im gettin no were

Anonymous said...
We have similar. Oldest has diagnosis already. Middle child we are almost certain is an aspie too. But school not interested as he is a high achiever so not having detramental effect on his school work. Has recent family suituation which ment change in routine he "kicked off " worse than the oldest. Going again to gp as want referal for him. Hope they listen this time.

Anonymous said...
Its drivin me mad my son is a very high achiever 4 a 3 year old so im not gettin much luck i havnt been to gp iv gone threw health visitor do u think i sud go to gp wud i get any further?

Anonymous said...
My son as passive aspergers he's really good in school when he gets home meltdown the problem when they r good at school aspergers never picked up by the teachers my sons wasn't it was a very good freind who noticed my sons traits

Anonymous said...
ask ur gp for a common assessment framework also a ref to camhs

Anonymous said...
have u read tony attwood aspergers my consultant told me to read it

Anonymous said...
i really feel 4 u. my son is now 8 but was only diagnosed a yr ago. took me yrs of fighting, lots of exclusions from school, evn on a half day programme. they blamed my parenting!! we had all the services wiv no help 2. he used 2 c an...See More

Anonymous said...
ask the school to ref ur son to autisum team they need to know how he is at home he may be passive like my son the school never picked it up now he's 11 he's showing all the signs the signs in adam can't mix has to have rotine noise has an imaginary freind

Anonymous said...
they can't be bothered go to ur dr ask to be ref to aut consultant keep a diary over the next few months

Anonymous said...
Thank u so much 4 ur help im in a hole an cant seem to get out il get to gp monday thank u its so frustratin 4 me i need help

Anonymous said...
Iv kept a diary over 2 months they sent me on parentin courses which did not help at all they tell things to do wid him but makin is behaviour worse an he cant cope wid it bless

Anonymous said...
Thats exactly wot i had 2 do, i was fightin the system 4 4yrs, evn believd it was my 'parenting' at 1 point but my son is now in yr 3 at school n this has been his 1st full yr being full time in mainstream wivout a single exclusion!! its not jus about the diagnosis n puttin a label on your child but gettin them and u the help an support that u so need an deserve!! shudnt hav 2 b a fight :-( xx

Anonymous said...
No it sudnt b a fight im fed up of tryin to prove it as if i wantd this 4 my son i just want him to b happy an settled

Anonymous said...
Thats wot any good parent wants 4 their child n u wil get their in the end, i did and it was worth it. just dont giv in and keep going. if u need sum1 2 talk 2 then feel free 2 add me as a friend on fb, know how tough it is n 2 hav a friendly ear who knows wot u r goin thru makes al the diffrnce :-) xx

Anonymous said...
Maybe at school there's a routine, predictability & structure and maybe there's less of that at home? It was like that for us, but once we established routines for at home and stuck to them, he was better. Stay positive and good luck!

Anonymous said...
My son is 7, and for the whole of his short life I have had a huge gut feeling telling me my son is not like his siblings or other kids. I've known in my heart he has something different. He is great at school but look out at the end of the day, worst is if there was a issue. I'm now on the road to getting answers for him as he knows he is different too :-( it is hard work and I will keep fighting for him as I'm his voice. Just hard when he is not tricking all the boxes when he has assessments and is ok at school.

Anonymous said...
My grandson who is 9 is the opposite. He acts up at school and isn't to bad at home. Structure is the key, I have found. It's a never ending battle. Now that school is out, he is acting up at home again.

Anonymous said...
My son is 11 and i have only just found out that he has Aspergers, i have always known he was a bit different and have been struggling with his bad moods and difficultness at home. I also hate it how some family members think it is your parenting that causes it! It breaks my heart, as all you want is for them to be happy and settled. I am glad i found this site.

Anonymous said...
I think a lot of times our kids work so hard to hold it all together when they are out and about, and then let loose at home where they feel more safe. All the anxiety and frustration tends to get bottled up and then let out again at home.

Anonymous said...
yes. very normal.
 

Preparing Family Members for Your Aspergers Child's Behavior: Tips for Holiday Gatherings

The following is a letter (or email) that you can send to relatives and hosts of holiday gatherings who might need a crash course in what to expect from your Aspergers child. Feel free to copy, paste and print this letter. You can use it as is, or edit it to make it more applicable to your unique situation:

Dear _____, (e.g., Aunt Sally)

I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful.

As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disorder called Aspergers, or what some people refer to as High-Functioning Autism. Aspergers is a neuro-developmental disorder which sometimes makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can’t see, but which may make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try to understand people, and at the same time make myself understood. Children with Aspergers have different abilities. For example, some may not speak much, and some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein had a form of autism), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being around a lot of other people sometimes feels like standing next to a moving freight train – and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I may feel frightened and confused some of the time. This is why I like to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can stay pretty calm. But if something changes, then I may have to relearn the situation all over again!

When you talk to me, I may not be able to comprehend everything you are saying to me if there is a lot of noise and distraction around. I usually have to concentrate to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you, but I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything, but not knowing what is most important to respond to.

Holidays can be hard for me because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary environment. This may be fun and adventurous for most kids, but for me, it can be hard work and extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.

If I can’t sit at the meal table, please don’t think that I am misbehaving or that my mom and dad have no control over me. Sitting in one place for very long is often very hard for me. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people. When this happens, I just have to get up and move about. But please don’t stop eating on my account. Go on without me, and my mom or dad will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Eating in general can be hard for me. If you understand that Aspergers is a sensory processing disorder, it’s no wonder eating is a problem. Think of all the senses involved with eating (e.g., sight, smell, taste, touch) and all the complicated mechanics that are involved (e.g., chewing and swallowing).  This is something that some kids with Aspergers have trouble with. I am not being picky. I just can’t eat certain foods because my sensory system is overly-sensitive. (Hope you understand.)

Also, please don’t be disappointed if my mother or father doesn’t dress me in fancy clothes. It’s because they know how much stiff and itchy clothes can drive me nuts! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes, or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else’s house, I may appear bossy and irritable. In a way, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me. I like things to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn’t mean you have to change the way you are doing things. Just please be patient with me and understanding of how I have to cope.

My parents have no control over how my Aspergers makes me feel inside. Kids with this disorder often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The professionals call it “self regulation,” or “stimming.” I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to the environment. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The professionals call this “perseverating,” which is similar to self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.

Holidays are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average home is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. This may be fun for most kids, but it can be hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act-out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don’t possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. In any event, I will try very hard to be on my best behavior when we get together during the holidays.

Thanks for listening. I’m looking forward to seeing you.

________ (Aspergers child’s name)

From: www.MyAspergersChild.com

Transition Services for Aspergers Teens

"I have a 17 year old with Asperger’s. She was a late diagnosis (wasn’t diagnosed until age 15). How do you help a teen with transition services (e.g., getting a job, learning to drive, going to college, etc.) when she doesn’t have any desire to learn or do any of those things?"

Unfortunately, the diagnoses of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism do not receive the same government support as do other more well-known disabilities. When financial assistance is not available for therapy or medication, disorders go untreated, and the teenager with Aspergers experiences emotional and social difficulties. 

If you can afford medical services, obtain them as soon as you can. If you cannot afford such services, check with your daughter’s school. They can design an individualized treatment plan (IEP) for her. The ideal treatment plan involves your daughter, a therapist, her teachers, and her parents. While you may not be able to afford therapy for your daughter, you will learn a lot of coping principles at the treatment plan meetings.

A quick, easy way for you to start helping your daughter is to begin reading books and e-books about Aspergers. There are many titles on the subject. Start by going on the internet and typing the words “Aspergers girls” or “Aspergers teens.” These resources can be purchased on the Internet, or you can make note of the titles and take them to your local bookstore. They will order them for you. 

In addition to the Internet, keep up with the information provided on this website. Make it a habit to read the questions and answers on this website to get the information you need. 

Another source of information is your nearest Autism or Asperger’s Association and support group. They will refer you to free or low cost services available in your area.

All parents of Aspergers children worry about their child’s diagnosis as well as their future. There is an excellent video available titled “Asperger’s Syndrome: Transition to College and Work” by Dan and Julie Coulter.

At the age of 17, your daughter is coping with adolescence in addition to her Aspergers diagnosis. Talk with her about the future, and discuss the benefits of driving, going to work, and attending college. Don’t expect her to make conclusive decisions about these subjects - especially college.

Prioritize her issues. First, make sure she gets treatment for her Aspergers. See if there is a teen support group in your area, and take the rest slowly. Her first goal should be learning about - and getting treatment for - her Aspergers symptoms.

One educational option for your daughter is a junior college as opposed to a university. Colleges are now accommodating their growing populations of disabled students who begin their studies with a variety of diagnoses. Community college can be an excellent choice for an Aspergers student, because students at community colleges get more counseling support, and since most community college students are still living at home, they have fewer new adjustments to make. 

Whether she chooses a community or four year college, it is best to find one that offers special programs for students with disabilities. Before enrolling, students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism need help planning a manageable course load.

One way to help prepare your daughter for adulthood is a part-time job while in high school. See if you can determine your daughter’s vocational strengths and interests that will help her be successful with part-time employment.

Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance

"Job Interview Tips" for Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Marcus and his boss, Mr Whitfield

The economy is pretty shaky right now, and many businesses are making some changes. For some, that might mean a job interview, which can be especially stressful for those teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism.

The most important thing to do before going into a job interview is to try to relax. We’re going to set up a relaxing “space” now, before the job interview, so you can use it during the interview:

Take a breath. Seriously, right now, as you read this, take a deep breath. Breathing is a way to calm yourself, move your chattering thoughts into the grounding influence of your body, and exist in the present moment. The more you can get into the habit of taking a deep, conscious breath, the more your body will connect it with slowing down and relaxing. Practicing a deep breath in a safe, calm environment will help you access those same calming feelings when you repeat the breath during your job interview. Also, it can be helpful to think of a soothing phrase like, "It’s OK." …"You’re fine." …"You can do this" (keep the phrase short, positive and silent).

As you think about and prepare for your job interview, continue to practice the breathing technique. When you get stressed about what might go wrong, take a breath and say to yourself, "It’s OK." When you remember things that went wrong in past job interviews, take a breath, calm yourself, and then figure out the lesson of that situation.

Your future employer expects you to breathe, so this calming technique is something you can use during the job interview. As you walk into the job interview room, take a breath. If you have a break during the job interview, remember to take a breath. Tell yourself, "You can do this." Of course you can!

Here are some more "job interview" tips by Marcus, a 17-year-old young man with Aspergers:

1. All the same rules apply in the workplace as they do anywhere else. But the one difference is that there is something at stake - your job. This means it is extra important to keep a clean slate, or you might be a target for scapegoating, which is a very nasty threat to your job.

2. You will meet three different kinds of people in the workplace: Meek, Assertive, and Aggressive. Aim to be the assertive type.

3. Remember that first impressions are extremely important.

4. If in doubt -- keep quiet. This is often seen as a good quality in the office.

5. If you are doing your own research, you may find yourself in a situation where you wish to patent copyright or create proof of ownership of a piece of work you have produced. The easiest thing to do is to make a copy, seal it in an envelope, and post it to your home address. It gets the date stamped on it in the post. Don't open the envelope when it arrives, but keep it sealed and stored away in a safe place. Recorded delivery may be more reliable and legally airtight. Also, keep any notes you have written while producing your work. You now have legal proof that it is your work and should not have to worry too much about it falling into the wrong hands.

6. In an interview, body language is extra important, and you want to look confident and relaxed. You are also expected to sit still with your arms by your side or on your lap and a good posture. You are expected to speak clearly and professionally.

7. Know what your skills and talents are. Like it or not, as a person with Aspergers, some jobs will be more suitable for you than others.

8. Prepare as many possible answers for as many possible questions as you can, but don't over-rehearse your answers.

9. The interviewer will often drop you a few hints towards the end of the interview (using mainly body language) to let you know whether you are likely or unlikely to get the job.

10. There are courses and classes around that teach interview techniques. You may want to take a class on this subject.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook


COMMENT:
Found the interview advice tips very help full. Our son is waiting to see if he has got an engineering apprenticeship. If he is offered a place, it will involve an interview with the company which may be interested in taking him on. We are keeping our fingers crossed for him. These tips may come in handy. Thanks Marcus!

LEGO Engineering Online Class for Students with Special Needs

It is with a great deal of pleasure that I am writing to you about All About Learning, Inc. and our wonderful enrichment programs being taught throughout Michigan, and over 30 other U.S States. We use creative ways to teach Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM). Operating since 2002, with classes ranging from LEGO Engineering, Robotics, to Video Game Making, we are proud to teach thousands of students each year.

We are also proud to announce our "LEGO Engineering On-Line Class” for children with special needs such as Aspergers, Autism and ADHD. Please read the following program description:

LEGO Engineering Online for Students with Special Needs

The class consists of engineering theory and instruction plus 6 very complex building exercises. Lessons harness the motivational effects of LEGOs to teach math and science, 3 dimensional shapes, patterning, comparing and contrasting objects, extending patterns, shapes, language arts, listening and following directions and learning mechanical vocabulary. This class is an on-line version of our ever popular Elementary Engineering held in a classroom. Once registered for this course, you will be sent a LEGO kit with over 1,000 very advanced LEGO pieces. When you receive the kit in the mail, then you are ready to take the class. Yes, you keep the kit when the class is over! Intended for K-8 students.

Video Game Making Class

This instructor facilitated On-Line class will teach how to design and modify your own exciting arcade style video games. You'll learn how to control characters, objects and outcomes in your game, then increase the difficulty level and add more features. Learn how to design your own version of PacMan and several other games. Students will participate in this class at home using their own computer, or, in a school computer lab. For ages 10 thru adults. 7 weeks.

We have experience working with grant programs and children with special needs. Please visit our website at: All About Learning

Helping Your Aspergers Child Survive the Holidays

This is an article designed to help parents of children who have Aspergers through the holiday seasons... 

We all have fond memories of our own childhood, when we looked forward to putting up the decorations, eating mouth watering meals and receiving all those longed for presents at Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas.

As parents we naturally want our children to enjoy it all and have as much fun as we did so we talk, anticipate and prepare with mounting excitement as the celebrations draw nearer. However for those families who are raising a child with Aspergers, it may all add up to an almighty headache! Children with Aspergers have a real hard time coping with all of these celebrations, and if they have their birthday on top of that… well you may as well pack up and go away until Spring!

Anticipation for a child with Aspergers leads to increased levels of anxiety which they cannot control. They become overloaded, and then you have a massive meltdown at the time when you are all supposed to be enjoying and celebrating the season of peace and goodwill! The party may be ruined and everybody upset, especially your child who is trying so hard to fit in and be like everybody else. 

So how can you achieve the impossible and enjoy the holiday season while at the same time keeping your Aspergers child calm and behaving appropriately?

The first simple step to take is to simply reduce the time talking about the festive occasion. Remember he can't easily control his emotions, and to chatter constantly about the event will simply lead to stress and anxiety. It is useful to enlist the help of others in your home in this and keep any conversations to a minimum while your Aspergers child is around.

Another great strategy to help is to keep any physical changes to your home to the minimum, so by all means decorate, put up cards and a tree, but just don’t make a big fuss about it all. A good tip is to not put out any presents until the day they are to be opened as your Aspergers child will have a hard time keeping their hands off and will became anxious and potentially oppositional.

Although it’s important not to overload your child, it is equally important to explain any changes to her routines. So prepare your child for any changes by calmly telling her the day before what will be happening. Visual supports always work well, so use photos or simple pictures to explain what will be happening. It is also important to explain to your child what is expected of her (e.g., to say "hello how are you" to guests and sit at the table to share the meal).

Your child will also need to be given permission to leave the festivities, and you can rehearse this together with some simple role-play. This is really important as it gives your child an exit strategy and also allows her to get through the celebrations without going into meltdown. Additionally if you see that he is becoming distressed, you can also activate an exit cue so your child gets out before the situation deteriorates. 

Following these simple steps should lead to a much more positive experience for everyone, and will provide your Aspergers child with the love, support, reassurance - and above all confidence - to participate fully in these wonderful occasions.

So to summarize briefly, it is important to keep preparations and discussions around the holidays to a minimum when the child with Aspergers is around. Preparing her as to what will be expected of her at this time, as well as incorporating an exit strategy, will help further. Good luck!
 

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome

Comment:

I want to thank you for this. Holidays....all holidays...are very hard for my boy and the family, and its good to know im not alone or imagining this.

Aspergers Girls and Relationships

"Please can you tell me about girls with Aspergers and their friends and relationships?"

People who study and treat Aspergers state that the number of girls with Aspergers is equal to that of boys; however, the girls are not diagnosed as often because the syndrome presents itself differently in girls. The common behaviors seen in both girls and boys with Aspergers are as follows:

• Difficulty reading social cues and body language
• Problems with social skills
• Demonstrating impatience
• Difficulty developing empathy for others

A notable difference between girls and boys with Aspergers is that boys will act out aggressively when they are frustrated. As a result, they get attention from adults while the girls remain silent about their frustrations. The girls appear to be shy or passive and adults overlook their problems; they have average or above-average intelligence that helps to hide their social awkwardness.

There is a book entitled Pretending To Be Normal; it is an autobiography written by Liane Holliday-Willey, who has Aspergers. It discusses the difficulties that girls have with Aspergers. The thesis of the book is that girls do not understand how to process their feelings and express their emotions in socially acceptable ways. As a result, they become people-pleasers. They are seen with smiles on their faces that mask the problems they are having. There are many social scientists who believe that girls are better at camouflaging their disorder because they are socialized to be passive and submissive.

Passivity isn’t the only detectable symptom of Aspergers in females. Young females with Aspergers learn to mimic the behaviors of other children, and this happens when there are role models present. If no role models are available, girls with Aspergers do not learn proper behavior; they will learn behavioral “scripts” that facilitate their interactions with other people. Also, they might use dolls as substitute friends and create their own insulated lives with their dolls.

During the elementary school years, girls with Aspergers will find one good friend who is matronly. This friend becomes the link between the girl and the outside world. This friend can provide support and encouragement to the girl, but if the friend moves away, the girl with Aspergers can experience extremely negative consequences.

The sooner that a young girl is properly diagnosed with Aspergers, the sooner she can obtain professional help. With the support of a doctor and friends, she can learn appropriate, socially acceptable behaviors. Also, she can develop independent living skills.

To begin helping a girl with Aspergers, read the book Girls Under The Umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders: Practical Solutions for Addressing Everyday Challenges by Lori Ernsperger, Ph.D., and Danielle Wendel. This book was authored by an experienced professional and a mother of a young girl on the autism spectrum. The authors provide insightful, first-hand accounts of girls’ lives along with research-based strategies and practical techniques for addressing the unique needs of girls on the spectrum while nurturing their gifts and talents.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome