How to advise my son on social skills...

Question--

I would like to know how to advise my son on social skills, such as making friends without being insulting to others.

Answer--

One of the behavioural traits seen in children with Asperger’s Syndrome is a lack of empathy. They don’t realize that other people have thoughts and interests that are different from theirs. They’ll interrupt a conversation and start churning out facts about their pet interest - which could be something like medieval history, Star Wars’ trivia, or math - even if it has nothing to do with what the other children are talking about. This and their lack of other social skills, such as looking others in the eyes when conversing, responding appropriately to greetings and questions, and understanding fads and the interests of peers makes making friends very difficult for Asperger’s children.

With some Asperger’s children, social abilities remain intact or aren’t really noticed until around age eight. It is around this time that their classmates begin perceiving them as “different.” The child is singled out for teasing. In addition, the child may be seen as oppositional because children with Asperger’s Syndrome take words and gestures very literally. Communication with Asperger’s children must be “concrete” (brief and easily understood).

Your son can be taught most of the same social skills that children without Asperger’s learn on their own. You can work with your son’s school to produce cards or posters with facial expressions that define feelings. Also, full-length mirrors can be used to make children aware of their facial expressions and overall body language. You and his teachers can role play social situations with him to help him learn appropriate responses and actions.

Speaking of schools, it is unfortunate that there are few schools fully equipped to help children with Asperger’s Syndrome. The number of schools with diagnostically appropriate services will increase when parents, doctors, and social service practitioners lobby educational institutions for assistance in teaching Asperger’s children.

Until the school provides more assistance with your son, there are a number of things that you can do at home. You can surround your son with friends and family so he will have familiar people around on a consistent basis. If your son is intimidated by a large number of people, just have one friend over at a time.

In addition to friends, you can train your son in appropriate social and perceptual skills. He can learn to perceive and interpret nonverbal behaviors, process visual and auditory information, and become aware of social/behavioural conventions.

To help you help your son, go on the internet and look for Asperger’s Syndrome support groups. Look for a group in your area. If there is none available, there are people who stay in touch via the internet. Whether in person or over the internet, they can give you advice and support which will help you help your son.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome.