HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

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Comprehending Emotions in Others: Help for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"How can I help my 5-year-old AS child (high functioning) to have a better understanding of other people’s feelings? He often seems oblivious to some of the hurtful things he says and does, but I don’t think he does this intentionally."

Recognizing and understanding the feelings and thoughts of self and others is often an area of weakness for kids with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) – and is essential to successful social interactions.

“Neurotypicals” (i.e., children not on the autism spectrum) continually modify their behavior based on the non-verbal feedback they receive from others. For example, they may elaborate on a story if their friend is smiling, looking on intently, or showing other signs of genuine interest. Conversely, if the other person repeatedly looks at her school book, sighs, or looks otherwise disinterested, most neurotypical children notice this non-verbal cue and stop talking or cut the story short.

Kids with AS and HFA often have difficulty recognizing and understanding these non-verbal cues. Because of this, they are less able to modify their behavior to meet the emotional and cognitive needs of their peers.

When kids with AS and HFA appear rude, aloof or unresponsive, it doesn’t mean that they don’t experience any emotions, or that they don’t have empathy for others. However, they do tend to express their emotions differently than neurotypical kids do. Also, studies have shown that AS and HFA kids do not always recognize facial expressions, which is part of the difficulty in reading the emotional responses of others.

The most basic technique used to teach “feelings skills” involves showing the child pictures of people exhibiting various emotions. Pictures can range from showing basic emotions (e.g., happy, sad, angry, scared) to more complicated ones (e.g., embarrassed, ashamed, nervous). Begin by asking the youngster to point to an emotion (e.g., “point to happy”), then ask the youngster to identify what the character is feeling (e.g., “how is he feeling”).

Most AS and HFA kids will pick up the ability to identify emotions quite easily. When they do, it is time to move on to more advanced instructional techniques, such as teaching them to understand the meaning (or “why”) behind emotions. This requires the youngster to make inferences based on the context and cues provided in the picture (e.g., “based on the information in the picture, why is this little girl sad?”). The pictures should portray characters participating in various social situations and exhibiting various facial expressions or other nonverbal expressions of emotion. You can cut pictures out of magazines, or download and print them from the Internet. You can also use illustrations from kids’ books, which are usually rich in emotional content and contextual cues.

Once mastery is achieved on the pictures, you can move on to television programs or videos of social situations. Many of the programs that air on some of the kids’ channels are excellent resources for this teaching technique since they portray characters in social situations and display clear emotional expressions. You can use the same procedure as for the pictures, only this time the youngster is making inferences based on dynamic social cues. Simply ask the youngster to identify what the characters might be feeling – and why they may be feeling that way. If the scenario moves too quickly for the youngster, press pause, and ask the question with a still frame. 

Other ways to teach “feelings skills” include the following:

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA): ABA therapy uses positive reinforcement to encourage desired behavior. ABA can also be used to teach an AS or HFA youngster about emotions by generally providing examples of appropriate emotional behavior for her to model, and then rewarding her when she gives the correct emotional responses.

Online Games: Most AS and HFA kids enjoy playing computer games, and these games can be an effective learning tool for teaching about emotions. The Internet has many games and activities to help these kids learn about emotions in a way that engages them.

Play therapy: Play therapy strategies can help AS and HFA kids emotionally connect with their mom, dad and siblings. The simple act of “child-led” play to teach new ideas is quite effective for kids on the spectrum.

Social Stories: Social stories help teach social skills to AS and HFA kids through stories that provide examples of common social situations. The stories outline how to respond to the situation. Stories about feelings and appropriate emotional responses can help the youngster learn how to understand emotions in context.

Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But...

Don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

If your child suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, expect him to experience both minor and major meltdowns over incidents that are part of daily life. He may have a major meltdown over a very small incident, or may experience a minor meltdown over something that is major. There is no way of telling how he is going to react about certain situations. However, there are many ways to help your child learn to control his emotions.

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Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing a child with a neurological disorder. Violent rages, self-injury, isolation-seeking tendencies and communication problems that arise due to auditory and sensory issues are just some of the behaviors that parents of teens with Aspergers will have to learn to control.

Parents need to come up with a consistent disciplinary plan ahead of time, and then present a united front and continually review their strategies for potential changes and improvements as the Aspergers teen develops and matures.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Although they may vary slightly from person to person, children with Aspergers tend to have similar symptoms, the main ones being:

=> A need to know when everything is happening in order not to feel completely overwhelmed
=> A rigid insistence on routine (where any change can cause an emotional and physiological meltdown)
=> Difficulties with social functioning, particularly in the rough and tumble of a school environment
=> Obsessive interests, with a focus on one subject to the exclusion of all others
=> Sensory issues, where they are oversensitive to bright light, loud sounds and unpleasant smells
=> Social isolation and struggles to make friends due to a lack of empathy, and an inability to pick up on or understand social graces and cues (such as stopping talking and allowing others to speak)

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent?

Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Parents face issues such as college preparation, vocational training, teaching independent living, and providing lifetime financial support for their child, if necessary. Meanwhile, their immature Aspergers teenager is often indifferent – and even hostile – to these concerns.

As you were raising your child, you imagined how he would be when he grew up. Maybe you envisioned him going to college, learning a skilled traded, getting a good job, or beginning his own family. But now that (once clear) vision may be dashed. You may be grieving the loss of the child you wish you had.

If you have an older teenager with Aspergers who has no clue where he is going in life, or if you have an “adult-child” with Aspergers still living at home (in his early 20s or beyond), here are the steps you will need to take in order to foster the development of self-reliance in this child.

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