"We seem to be having ever increasing difficulty with our 13-year-old daughter (high functioning). We began to notice a change for the worse around the time she reached puberty. Her anger and anxiety have reached a new level. She also seems very very depressed much of the time. Is this normal for a teen with this disorder? What can we do to slow down what I see as a train wreck in the making?"
Puberty brings with it challenges for all children, however, children with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) face increased challenges through puberty. The behavior issues of impulsivity can increase in both frequency and intensity.
Kids with HFA who experienced bullying in elementary school - and now continue to experience bullying during their middle school years - may become increasingly aggressive.
Puberty brings with it challenges for all children, however, children with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) face increased challenges through puberty. The behavior issues of impulsivity can increase in both frequency and intensity.Kids with HFA who experienced bullying in elementary school - and now continue to experience bullying during their middle school years - may become increasingly aggressive.
Adolescence can become a very difficult time for a child with HFA as peers may no longer be willing to tolerate someone who seems different. Moodiness, depression and anxiety can also develop in adolescence due to hormonal imbalances, resulting in increased separation of the "special needs" teen from his/her peers.
Adolescence is a time when social demands become more complex, and it becomes increasingly important to be able to understand social cues. Children with HFA can be more vulnerable to (a) manipulation by others and (b) peer pressure. They are likely to experience more rejection among their peers. With young people on the autism spectrum, interaction with peers usually creates more anxiety than interaction with younger or older people.
In order to create a few parenting changes that may help your daughter through this difficult time, answer the following:
Here are a few parenting strategies that can help:
1. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your daughter, which can trigger or worsen her behavior. Let go of things that you or your daughter did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate. Learn ways to calm yourself, and take time for yourself.
2. Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your daughter. Asking your daughter to help develop that routine can be helpful.
3. Remind yourself that your daughter’s behavior is most likely a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent catastrophe.
4. Recognize and praise your daughter's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible (e.g., "I really liked the way you helped pick up your room tonight").
5. Pick your battles carefully. Avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle — if you let it.
6. Model the behavior you want your daughter to exhibit.
7. Develop a united front. Work with your spouse to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.
8. Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and daughter being together.
9. Assign your daughter a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless she does it. Initially, it's important to set your daughter up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve, then gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
10. At first, your daughter is not likely to be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to her behavior. Setbacks and relapses are normal, so be prepared with a plan to manage those occasions. Behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. But, with persistence and consistency, the initial hard work will pay off with improved behavior. Also, as she passes though the storms of adolescence, things are likely to improve by default.
In order to create a few parenting changes that may help your daughter through this difficult time, answer the following:
- Do any particular situations seem to trigger defiant behavior in your daughter?
- Has your daughter been diagnosed with any other medical conditions?
- Have your daughter's teachers reported similar symptoms?
- How do you typically discipline your daughter?
- How have you been handling your daughter's disruptive behavior?
- How often has she refused to follow through with your rules or requests?
- How often over the last six months has your daughter argued with you or her teachers?
- How often over the last six months has your daughter been angry or lost her temper?
- How often over the last six months has your daughter been vindictive, or blamed others for her own mistakes?
- How often over the last six months has your daughter been touchy or easily annoyed?
- How would you describe your daughter's home and family life?
- What are your daughter's symptoms?
- When did you first notice these symptoms?
Here are a few parenting strategies that can help:
1. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your daughter, which can trigger or worsen her behavior. Let go of things that you or your daughter did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate. Learn ways to calm yourself, and take time for yourself.
2. Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your daughter. Asking your daughter to help develop that routine can be helpful.
3. Remind yourself that your daughter’s behavior is most likely a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent catastrophe.
4. Recognize and praise your daughter's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible (e.g., "I really liked the way you helped pick up your room tonight").
5. Pick your battles carefully. Avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle — if you let it.
6. Model the behavior you want your daughter to exhibit.
7. Develop a united front. Work with your spouse to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.
8. Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and daughter being together.
9. Assign your daughter a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless she does it. Initially, it's important to set your daughter up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve, then gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
10. At first, your daughter is not likely to be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to her behavior. Setbacks and relapses are normal, so be prepared with a plan to manage those occasions. Behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. But, with persistence and consistency, the initial hard work will pay off with improved behavior. Also, as she passes though the storms of adolescence, things are likely to improve by default.
