Bullying: Tips for Parents with Aspergers Children
What to do if you discover that your Aspergers child is being bullied at school:
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My son is 17 with Asperger's. His entire life he has been teased, made fun of, been the blunt of jokes etc.
This past year he has been bothered by a boy named "Billy" constantly. Mike, my son has come home and complained about this boy repeatedly bothering him and many other students in the class. In listening to his stories I have realized that this boy also must face some behavioral difficulties. Having a son on the autism spectrum I tried to explain to my son that Billy must have some issues and that the best thing to do is walk away from him and ignore his behaviors because he obviously needs help. My son has been in counseling for the past year and a half and is doing extremely well. He finally is taking ownership of what he does wrong and is controlling his temper much better.
Yesterday, I receive a call from the principle stating that my son has received a three day out of school expulsion and formal charges will be filed against him because he hit Billy.
Evidently, Billy stood by my son and on four occasions took my sons things and threw them on the floor. Mike repeatedly asked him to stop, cut it out, leave him alone. The fifth time Billy did it, my son punched him in the back of the head.
I do not in anyway condone what my son did but come on, how angry would a normal person be if someone kept doing this? As an adult I would have punished this child's behavior now. As a teen boy, what would you have done?
The teacher was evidently at his desk busy with something and didn't see what was going on until Mike punched Billy.
Mike took full ownership of what he did. He said he made a bad choice but was pushed repeatedly. He has held it together this past year so well until now.
My question is.....can I file harassment charges against this billy for bothering my son all year? What can I do legally for my son? Can my son be expelled and charges filled for this? Is there any advocates that can help or lawyers? We can't afford to put out thousands of dollars right now. Will this permanently go against my son's record?
He is supposed to go in front of the magistrate who will decide his fate of charges, fines, community service etc..... this is for York County PA. My son goes to York County School of Technology in York, PA.
I can't believe there is one week of school left and we are dealing with this now. Sigh... I am so frustrated, scared, worried.......you all know the feeling. Advice, similar stories, help please!
Amanda: Sounds like you did the right thing. IMO, schools pay more lip service to the idea of caring about bullying than they do constructive things to solve the problem. (The fact is, most bullying goes on outside the view of teachers anyway. It's their job to teach and run a controlled classroom -- not play detective all day long to find out if Jimmy really did threaten little Johnny on the sidewalk on the way home, etc. etc.) Sometimes you just need to escape the whole situation. (It's like working at a job where you're around miserable people and an unfair boss. Do you fight to fix the workplace, or do you simply quit and find a better job?) Eventually, when enough people vote with their feet, leaving a given school, it sends a much stronger message they have a problem that needs fixing than any complaints to the principal would ever do.
2 hours ago · Like
Document the incidents in writing. Always be sure to report the incidents in email even if you phoned someone follow up with a email expalining the incident in detail again in writing. The school must keep emails also be sure to ask in the email that it (the email) be placed in your childs perment record, that way there is a definate paper trail. The school will quickly get the message that this is an ongoing problem and you are not going away and should step up to interveene. Also be sure your letter is calm and explains the incidents so that if a complete stranger read it they would be able to understand it.
2 hours ago · Like · 2 people
I would (and have) demanded action at the school, starting with the principal, asst principal, school counselor and teachers -- cc everybody! I would keep my kid home (safe) until the abuse is dealt with and my child has some recourse and protection so that he/she feels safe -- even just a plan with the school for who to go to/trusted adults/how to avoid problem situations. Do not wait for something really bad to happen, we have all seen the end result of bullying when the adults don't get involved. Advocate!
2 hours ago · Like · 3 people
I agree with Sherri. I'm a teacher and a mother of a boy with Asperger's and have seen bullies try go after the 'weak' targets. Insist the school do something about it. It is the school's responsibility to make sure that your child is in a safe and productive learning environment. If the school refuses, take outside action (superintendant, school board, etc...). Speak to the teachers, counselors, principal, dean of students....don't stop until they stop the bully. Your school probably has a zero-tolerance policy. Make them enforce it.
about an hour ago · Like · 1 person
Talk to your child about bullies and teasers. Let him know they want control and power. They are looking for a kid who responds with lots of anger and gets upset. That is what they want. Instead, roleplay teasing with your child and have him respond to you by calmly saying "So" and walking away. It is the bullies bad day not your child's. My book Social Rules for Kids can help. It has a whole chapter on bullies and what to do. There will always be teasing on the playground. Let's give your child the tools to succeed.