ASPERGERS and HFA TEENS: ANGER ISSUES

Teens with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism may be prone to anger, which can be made worse by difficulty in communicating feelings of disturbance, anxiety or distress.

In this post, we will look at: 
  • Common causes of anger in Aspergers and HFA teens
  • Steps to successful self-management of anger 
  • The “Stop – Think” technique
  •  Coping with extreme anger
  • Steps in a personal safety plan
 
Click here for full article... 

Comments

Anonymous said…
Dear Mark,
I just want to say a big thank-you for your news letters...they are extremely informative & helpful...those little tips can make a big difference in the life's of us parents...thanks again, cheryl.
September 13, 2010 at 9:47 AM
Anonymous said…
Jack recently was diagnosed with mild asperger's syndrome, however we have been aware since infancy that he was unique. He was an intense toddler, very difficult to entertain, slept very little, and began showing signs of giftedness. He was reading by age 2, and learning computer basics by age 3. His favorite past time as a small child was taking a part computers and teaching himself software programs such as flash and photoshop. Currently, Jack's narrow focus remains computers with an extreme interest in programming languages.

Behavior problems have included, defiance, aggression, bad language (always when angry) and guilt. We have chosen our battles with Jack but often feel defeated at the end of the day. Our biggest concern has been school placement. Over the last three years Jack has been at three schools: public school in third grade where he simply shut down; private day school for part of fourth grade where he was disruptive, angry and eventually refused to go back; and finally, a small school for gifted kids that he attends now. He does not refuse to go, likes the school but has outbursts of defiance and anger with bad language. The school continues to work with him but we are concerned that eventually the tantrums and bad language will cause the other parents to expect him to be dismissed.
September 19, 2010 at 11:02 AM
Maggie said…
My son is only 9, but is prone to daily bouts of rage with his Asperger's... even becoming physically threatening at times.

Thanks for this article... which I find incredibly insightful.

It's scary to think what he might be like as a teenager, given the extent of his rage today. We have him in therapy and are going to try medication... which is also scary.

I appreciate this blog... just found it tonight!
November 30, 2010 at 5:37 PM
Anonymous said…
Maybe you may want to put a facebook icon to your blog. I just bookmarked this blog, although I had to make this by hand. Simply my 2 cents.
April 12, 2011 at 9:13 AM
Anonymous said…
brinkka2011 says: I would like to thankyou for such an enlightening post. I dont by and large reply on blogs as I wish to lurk and read. However your style of literature is uncomplicated to understand, I love the fact that it is clear and to the point. I will make sure that I mail your blog to my acquaintances as I am certain they will not only like reading your post but also find it extremely instructive.
September 9, 2011 at 2:39 PM
Anonymous said…
My son is 8 years old with ADHD and Aspergers. In the past couple of months he has become very quick to anger and gets frustrated even when I walk in the room! Please help me to understand why this is happening and what things can I do to help him. I have tried talking to him about saying nice things and trying hard to not let the mean comments out, but he only seems to understand at that moment and forgets the very next! I miss my loving little boy!!! :(
January 15, 2012 at 7:15 AM
Anonymous said…
tHE SCHOOLS need to do a better job of educating all the teachers in the district about autism, n ot just the special ed dept.
March 30, 2012 at 9:00 AM
Anonymous said…
Schools definitely need to be educated. :(
March 30, 2012 at 9:00 AM
Anonymous said…
Thanks for posting this. I'm an aspie, and I know what it feels like to get very angry, it happens to me all the time, especially when I'm stressed.
May 30, 2012 at 12:07 PM
Anonymous said…
I have a 21 yr old son with Aspergers & an anger problem. I have seen a change for the worse ever since he listens to Eminem. The songs are filled with hate & anger. I find it does affect him. The problem is he is so stubborn & rigid that he rarely takes good wise advice. I don't have a lot of hope for him right now. He cannot get along with people. He loves controvercy & debating. He has another side which is very infantile. This is by far the most difficult disabilities. I am a mother who just wants peace & love in her home. But this ASD makes certain we don't have peace. Awareness is an understatement of what is needed. This is a very real problem & the government needs to make "communities" where these autistic people can live among their peers & be safe. My son has never worked a job, sleeps erratic, won't eat meat (because he loves animals) has no interest in material things, no aspirations for life. If the government doesn't wake up & intervene, our country is in bigger trouble than it thinks. Because the reality is that these autistic/aspergr kids will be tomorrows future. And if their lives are any indication, the future is bleak.
August 15, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Grant said…
I am 17 and male with Aspergers. I do have a very bad anger problem. I have an even lower form below mild. But when im angry its like the incredible hulk and I lose all my control and it seems for me to black out. I try different coping methods, but it takes a lot to make me mad, but its all really with my mom. Im in highschool,m a senior and I have been in so many fights with my mom. I cuss like a sailor mainly when im losing control. And there is a point that my family knows where it literally "Blacks out" for me. And it feels lime im dreaming. Im not what people call "so smart" i am doing good in school, ut im not like mild where i see what mild is to the difference of me from it. I have hit my mom, well really pushed before. In 2008 I lost control and woke up from my anger trance outside and the police were there. But i had it happened last month, my parents still dont understand even though the doctor told them what is common and what ASP is! They continue to treat me as an kid without it. Which almost all these things they know triggers me to lose control but still do it. I will try and practive these coping methods. I literally cant stop myself when im angry. Im not the nerdy type, (no offeense to anyone) I am aware of ASP and I learned everything i can so far about it. No one suspects me of it either. I have dated the "popular girls" in school too so no one reeally knows. And its very true, we are very stressed when it comes to relationships and stressfulness.
September 20, 2012 at 7:47 AM
Unknown said…
I have an 18 year old aspergers son & although he is on medication & has had different types of therapy for a large part of his life, we are in the thick of this at the moment. It is really awful & such a worry as he will be going to University soon & starting his adult life. How do we begin to deal with this?
January 6, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Kbabs said…
Thank you for sharing... just realizing over the past several months that my son who will be 17 in 2 months, could very well have Aspergers, as well. He is struggling so much every single day. We are planning on asking his therapist for advise on getting him checked. Just need to find an answer so he can get the right kind of help :(. He blames everyone else for his problems socializing & without help he is going to run into the same thing in college, work etc.
January 15, 2013 at 9:13 PM
Kbabs said…
Adele I would love to chat w/ you on the subject if you wouldn't mind... my son is almost 17 and is not diagnosed. I am having so much trouble with him lately, and could use a little advice. Hope everything ends up getting better for you, soon! Nothing is worse than feeling like your child NEEDS you so bad but your hands are tied and you cannot even get a foor in the door:(
January 15, 2013 at 9:23 PM
katie said…
My son is 14 and making terrible choices. We are about to pull him out of school again tomorrow to start home schooling. We are in need of help.
January 27, 2013 at 6:51 PM
katie said…
My son is 14 and has high functioning aspergers. We are about to pull him out of school tomorrow due to terrible choices he is making. We will have to go back to home schooling. Any solutions?
January 27, 2013 at 6:55 PM
Ian T said…
I've just found this article and all the comments. My 16 year old Aspergers son just had huge meltdown. We've been working with him since he was 2 1/2, and thank God for that. We live in Canada, and have access to a lot of free help, but it's still not enough. He suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression, and is being treated for both. He's had problems with school attendance (becomes ill) for several years. We had to pull him out of the regular school system last year and put him in a school recovery/therapy program. He was supposed to go to a full therapy school this year, but didn't get a placement. He's back at his regular school with a reduced schedule. We'll see how it goes. We understand most of his triggers but still find them extremely hard to deal with. The one thing the social worker and psychiatrist always say is NOT TO GET UPSET, STAY CALM - which is difficult, but we try. When he was first diagnosed - at least 5+ years ago - the psychiatrist said that the teen years would be very difficult, but that he would be relatively fine as an adult. We keep hanging onto that. I hope some of this can help another parent...

A Toronto Parent
October 11, 2013 at 6:14 PM
Unknown said…
I am 14 and have aspergers I do get angry very easily and have usually heads to remove myself from a situation and stay in a separate room until calm. However your tips have helped me a lot especially in difficult social situations where I cannot exclude myself in the next room
July 17, 2014 at 4:17 PM
Jamie S said…
It's about 1 am and I hope one of you out there can help me. My 18 yr old aspie son, diagnosed at 3 and on meds, maynot graduate from high school on Friday because he forgot...or didn't want to do? ?? some assignments. He got upset and went to bed/sleep and i am up worrying about his future. He is very smart but is not motivated in the least to do anything but play video games and spend time on the web. I feel like a bad parent.
June 1, 2016 at 10:09 PM
Unknown said…
I have lived in huge amount of guilt after I sent my 12 year old son to his dad in another state. He was suspected of Asperger's by one of his counselors but it was not confirmed by the psychologist that did the full assessment (supposedly). He has high IQ, great scores in state tests, but his grades have deteriorated from all As to Bs and Cs. He is angry everyday but suppress it at school and sports teams. Only went off in front of me and his younger brother who is 6. This year he got violent with me and things went out of control. I was scared of him cause he talked about killing me and drew pictures that told such a story of killing me.
He is not doing well at his dad's either. Just had a fight with him and caused him to bleed. But he hates me now as he believes I "abondoned" him. I visited him and was almost hit by baseball bat and a wooden sword. He said he would kill me if I show up again.
I have been depressed when he was here. Now I am depressed when he is not here. I really believe he has Asperger's. But no one believes it. They just wanted to blame it on divorce and long absence of his dad. Now his dad doesn't want to believe Asperger's either. My son is not receiving any treatment. He was seeing two counselors when he was with me. I am so worried about him. He self harms, too.
Everyday it is hard to feel motivated as there is this huge void in me. I have been his sole caretaker over the years. Our relationship has been intense but when he was in a good mood he told me I was the best mom. He said he loved me more than he loved himself.
I feel that I have lost my son. He blocked me in his phone and email. What I bought online to be mailed to him he wouldn't use. I am relying on postcards now. This is so sad.
Susan. L
July 8, 2016 at 1:03 PM
J.Cas said…
You need to get help from a BCBA. Many insurance companies will cover their services! I think that he would greatly benefit from this type of intervention.
April 19, 2017 at 4:45 PM
PIXIEMOMMA said…
Keep working on it, Sweetie. Fake it til you make it 😉
July 8, 2018 at 11:16 AM
Unknown said…
My 16 year old son has been diagnosed with Adhd and aspergers. He has severe anger issues but is in denial about it. It appears that everyone knows it but him. He is taking special ed classes and is in a 2nd grade level in 11th grade. I know he can do better when challenged but the school doesn't challenge him. They just keep passing him without teaching. He breaks things that don't belong to him and blames it on anger. Cusses a lot. When I try to tell him to stop cussing he says it's part of anger. Get over it. He has threatened to kill his mom to where she is scared to be around him. I'm his dad and he lives with me. I have custody of him. He visits his mom on some weekends but she also needs a break from him sometimes she says. I didn't know parents could take breaks. Anyway, I've tried to get him into anger management but something happens that he never goes. According to him I'm stupid (with an above average iq) and dont know anything and am a bad parent. He tells me I don't make him listen but when I try his anger gets worse so I just avoid him and let him do "his thing". We live near Charleston WV. I need to make an intervention system work or I fear he will end up in prison because of his anger. Any recommendations? After he breaks my stuff he expects me to replace it. He is really good at video games. He has beaten several of them. I know he has an unlimited vocabulary by a lot of the college level vocabulary words I've been teaching him since he was about 4.
September 20, 2018 at 2:53 AM
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