Overcoming the "EQ Deficit": Help for People with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

While much of what I'm about to talk about applies to both men and women, this post is going to lean more toward addressing the male-version of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism...

Men with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism suffer from a phenomenon called “mind-blindness,” which is a cognitive condition where the person is unable to attribute mental states to self and others. As a result of this condition, he is often unaware of others' mental states and has difficulty attributing beliefs and desires to others.

Lacking in this ability to develop a mental awareness of what is in the mind of his partner, the Aspergers man is often viewed as emotionally detached.

"Emotional intelligence" is in many ways the opposite of mind-blindness. Emotional intelligence (EQ) matters just as much as intellectual ability (IQ) when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence helps one build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve career and personal goals.

So the “fix” (so to speak) for the Aspergers man would be to replace mind-blindness with emotional intelligence. But is this even possible? The answer is: it depends.

If the man is willing to seek treatment from a therapist (preferably one who specializes in Autism Spectrum Disorders), then chances are he will successfully work around his weaknesses and capitalize on his strengths. On the other hand, if the man refuses to acknowledge his mind-blindness issue (which is easy to do since a blind mind will have trouble seeing itself), then he will likely suffer the negative consequences associated with being out of touch -- and out of step -- with the world around him. Like a bicyclist with two flat tires, the Aspergers man’s progress will be slow and shaky.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Emotional intelligence is:

• the ability to appreciate complicated relationships among different emotions
• the ability to comprehend emotion language
• the ability to detect and decipher emotions in faces, pictures, voices, and cultural artifacts, including the ability to identify one's own emotions
• the ability to harness emotions to facilitate various cognitive activities (e.g., thinking and problem solving)
• the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups

Perceiving emotions represents a basic aspect of emotional intelligence, as it makes all other processing of emotional information possible. The emotionally intelligent person can capitalize fully upon his changing moods in order to best fit the task at hand. Understanding emotions encompasses the ability to be sensitive to slight variations between emotions, and the ability to recognize and describe how emotions evolve over time. The emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:

1. Relationship management: Knowing how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

2. Self-awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and how they affect one’s thoughts and behavior, knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, and having self-confidence.

3. Self-management: Being able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, managing emotions in healthy ways, taking initiative, following through on commitments, and adapting to changing circumstances.

4. Social awareness: Understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, picking up on emotional cues, feeling comfortable socially, and recognizing the power dynamics in a group or organization.

The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to relieve stress. Uncontrolled stress impacts the Aspergers man’s mental health, making him vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If he is unable to understand and manage his emotions, he will be open to mood swings, which makes it very difficult for him to form strong relationships, and can leave him feeling lonely and isolated.

Emotional intelligence can help him navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in his career. In fact, when it comes to gauging job candidates, many companies now view emotional intelligence as being as important as technical ability and require EQ testing before hiring.

By understanding his emotions and how to control them, the Aspergers man is better able to express how he feels – and understands how others are feeling. This allows him to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in his personal life.

Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills:

1. The ability to connect with others through nonverbal communication
2. The ability to quickly reduce stress
3. The ability to recognize and manage one’s emotions
4. The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence
5. The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges

These five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned, but there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to one's life. Just because the Aspergers man knows he “should” do something doesn’t mean he will – especially if he becomes overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack his best intentions.

In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, he will need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of his brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that he can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. Rather, he has to experience and practice the skills in his everyday life.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

EQ Skill #1: Paying Attention to Nonverbal Communication—

Often, “what” somebody says is less important than “how” he or she says it or the other nonverbal signals that are sent out (e.g., the gestures a person makes, the way he sits, how fast or how loud he talks, how close he stands to others, how much eye contact he makes, etc). In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, the Aspergers man needs to be aware of – and in control of – this body language. He also needs to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send.

Messages don’t stop when someone stops speaking. Even when a person is silent, he or she is still communicating nonverbally. The Aspergers man needs to think about what he is transmitting as well, and if what he says matches what he feels. Nonverbal messages can produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection – or they can generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

Tips for improving nonverbal communication:

Successful nonverbal communication depends on one’s ability to manage stress, recognize one’s own emotions, and understand the signals one is sending and receiving. When communicating, the Aspergers man needs to:

• Pay attention to the nonverbal cues he is sending and receiving (e.g., facial expression, tone of voice, posture and gestures, touch, timing and pace of the conversation).
• Make eye contact, which will communicate interest and maintain the flow of a conversation, and help gauge the other person’s response.
• Focus on the other person. If the Aspergers man is planning what he is going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, he is almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation.

EQ Skill #2: Quickly Reducing Stress—

High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body, getting in the way of one’s ability to accurately “read” a situation, to hear what someone else is saying, to be aware of one’s own feelings and needs, and to communicate clearly. Being able to quickly calm down and diffuse stress helps one stay balanced, focused, and in control – no matter what challenges are faced or how stressful a situation becomes.

Tips for reducing stress:

• The best way to reduce stress quickly is by engaging one or more of the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so the Aspergers man needs to find things that are soothing and/or energizing to him. For example, if he is a visual person, he can relieve stress by surrounding himself with uplifting images. If he responds more to sound, he may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water fountain helps to quickly reduce his stress levels.
• Everyone reacts differently to stress. If the Aspergers man tends to become angry or agitated under stress, he will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet him down. If he tends to become depressed or withdrawn, he will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating. If he tends to freeze (speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others), he needs stress relief activities that provide both comfort and stimulation.
• Recognize what stress feels like. How does your body feel when you’re stressed? Are your muscles or stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of one’s physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.

EQ Skill #3: Managing Emotions—

Being able to connect to one’s emotions (i.e., having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions) is the key to understanding self and others. Many Aspergers men are disconnected from their emotions – especially strong core emotions like sadness, fear and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.

How in touch are you with your emotions?

• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in certain places of your body (e.g., lower back, stomach, chest, etc.)?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
• Do your emotions factor into your decision making?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions?
• Do you experience feelings that flow (i.e., encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment)?
• Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions (e.g., anger, sadness, fear, joy), each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?

If any of these experiences are foreign to you, then your emotions may be turned down or off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.

EQ Skill #4: Resolving Conflicts Positively--

Disagreements and misunderstandings are to be expected in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, beliefs, and expectations at all times. However, that is not a bad thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

Tips for resolving conflict:

• Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
• End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.
• Forgive. Other people’s hurtful behavior is in the past. To resolve conflict, you need to give up the urge to punish or seek revenge.
• Stay focused in the present. When you are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, you can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

EQ Skill #5: Using Humor and Play to Deal with Challenges--

Humor, laughter, and play are natural solutions to life’s problems. They lighten burdens and help keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings the nervous system back into balance. It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side. The more you joke, play, and laugh – the easier it becomes. Playful communication broadens emotional intelligence and helps the individual:

• Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.
• Simultaneously relax and become more energized. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes the body, which allows the person to recharge and accomplish more.
• Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating an argument.
• Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.

In order to develop playful communication, the Aspergers man needs to:

• find enjoyable activities that loosen him up and help him embrace his playful nature
• play with animals, babies, young children, and outgoing people who appreciate playful banter
• set aside regular, quality playtime

In a nutshell, the Aspergers man can begin to replace mind-blindness with emotional intelligence – with the assistance of a qualified professional – by doing the following:

1. Acknowledging his negative feelings, looking for their source, and coming up with a way to solve the underlying problem 
2. Avoiding people who invalidate him or don't respect his feelings 
3. Being honest with himself
4. Developing constructive coping skills for specific moods
5. Examining his feelings rather than the actions or motives of other people
6. Getting up and moving when he is feeling down
7. Learning to relax when his emotions are running high
8. Listening twice as much as he speaks
9. Looking for the humor or life lesson in a negative situation
10. Paying attention to non-verbal communication (e.g., watch faces, listen to tone of voice, take note of body language)
11. Showing respect by respecting other people's feelings
12. Taking responsibility for his own emotions and happiness

Most of you have heard that “there is no cure for Aspergers Syndrome.” And technically, that’s correct. But, emotional intelligence can be taught. And some people with Aspergers – both male and female – who have received quality treatment from a qualified professional have lost their Aspergers diagnosis after a few years of intensive therapy. That is, after being re-tested, they did not meet the criteria for Aspergers Syndrome any longer. The same can be true for you. So, what are you waiting for?

==> Skype Counseling for Struggling Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA 


==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

The "Nervous" Child on the Autism Spectrum

There is no doubt that kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are much more prone to nervousness than their neurotypical peers. The nervous child on the autism spectrum is one who:

• has low self esteem
• is easily frightened
• is easily upset by minor inconveniences (e.g., small changes in routine)
• lacks self-confidence
• cries a great deal on slight provocation
• worries about family, school, friends, or activities
• worries about things before they happen

Nervous kids on the spectrum are often overly bothered or sensitive.  Some may seek a lot of reassurance from parents, and their nervousness may interfere with many of their day-to-day activities. Moms and dads should not discount their youngster’s inability to cope “normally.”  Because nervous kids may also be quiet, compliant and eager to please, their difficulties may be missed.  Moms and dads need to be alert to the signs of excessive nervousness in their child so they can intervene early and prevent further complications.


Here are some tips to help your nervous child to learn to relax and be peaceful:

1. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children. Volunteering and contributing to your local community can have positive effects on self-esteem for everyone involved.

2. Aspergers and HFA kids are generally not helped when moms and dads tell them to stop being afraid of something. What is helpful is an approach in which you acknowledge their fears and at the same time let them know that you will help them overcome these fears.

3. Be a positive role model. If you're excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child might eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

4. Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will help boost your youngster's self-esteem. Give hugs and tell her you're proud of her when you can see her putting effort toward something or trying something at which she previously failed.

5. Comfort your youngster and let him know that you will work on problems together as they arise. He is never alone.

6. Create a safe, loving home environment. Children who don't feel safe are at greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem. A youngster who is exposed to moms and dads who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment and become helpless or depressed.

7. Don’t “jump in” too early to help “fix” your youngster’s problems. Remember to give him lots of time to express his negative feelings around worries and problems first where you are just listening and acknowledging feelings before helping him to figure out a solution.

8. Establish a regular bedtime routine consisting of quieter activities that help your youngster to gradually relax.

9. Establish consistent daily routines and structure. Routines reduce nervousness, and regular daily patterns emphasize predictability. A regular routine will give a sense of control to both parent and youngster. Nervous kids do not cope well with a disorganized, spontaneous family life style.

10. Give positive, accurate feedback. Comments like "You always work yourself up into a meltdown" will make Aspergers and HFA children feel like they have no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, "I can see you were very upset with your sister, but it was nice that you were able to talk about it instead of hitting her." This acknowledges the youngster's feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages him or her to make the right choice again next time.

11. Help your youngster to understand that the negative and pessimistic things she says to herself about herself are not helpful and can influence how she feels and behaves.

12. Help your youngster notice different feelings by naming various feelings she or others may experience. Explain how people show their feelings (e.g., through faces, bodies, words) and that showing your feelings is an important way for others to understand how you are feeling. Help your youngster notice how different feelings “feel” in her own body (e.g., tight hands, butterflies in stomach, etc.).

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


13. Help your youngster with their worries and problems by teaching him how to problem-solve by defining the problem, brainstorming all possible solutions and their consequences, and choosing the best solution.

14. Identify and redirect inaccurate beliefs. It's important for moms and dads to identify their child’s irrational beliefs about himself, whether they're about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping children on the spectrum set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to these children.

15. It is helpful for kids to talk about their feelings; however, talking about feelings is not easy for special needs kids, especially when they are asked directly. It is important for moms and dads to watch and listen carefully for the times when the youngster does express feelings, either directly through words or indirectly through behaviors. At these times, you can help him by acknowledging and accepting his feelings through simply reflecting them back to him and refraining from providing advice or asking questions. When a youngster’s feelings are criticized, disapproved of, or not accepted by the mother or father, his internal sense of self is weakened.

16. It is important for these young people to have limits set and consequences for breaking the limits. Kids feel secure when there are limits setting restrictions on inappropriate behaviors.

17. Learning relaxation skills will help kids feel better when they are anxious, worried or scared. It will also help them learn that they have some control over their own bodies rather than being controlled by their nervousness. One way to help your youngster relax is to encourage slow, deep breathing. Another way to relax is to ask her to alternately tense and relax her muscles. You can also help your youngster use her imagination to relax. Help her to imagine a safe and relaxing place and to notice the good relaxing feelings in her body.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

18. Listen to your youngster and allow him to express his feelings though his fears sound irrational. Let him know he can always talk to you when anything is bothering him.

19. Meet with your youngster’s teacher to find out how he is doing socially and academically and ask for help in getting your youngster to school.

20. Never make fun of, ridicule, scream at, punish, or demean your youngster because of his nervous demeanor. Do not allow family members, or other adults do so either.

21. Provide opportunities for exercise. Exercise is helpful in relieving stress and helping your youngster’s body to relax.



22. Soothing an autistic youngster is a very helpful strategy that moms and dads can use in relieving nervousness. These strategies communicate to the youngster that she is safe and cared for. Verbal reassurances of safety and love, rocking, cuddling, holding, massage, singing, and telling stories are just some of the soothing strategies that moms and dads can use. Moms and dads may be surprised to realize that their kids may sometimes need soothing that seems to the parent to be too “babyish” for the youngster’s age. However, nervous kids DO need extra soothing experiences that relax and relieve the tension in their bodies.

23. Take care of the basic needs of your youngster – especially to prevent fatigue and hunger.

24. Take stock of what is happening at home. Are there stressful situations going on that are worrying your youngster? Are mornings tension-filled as you try to get everyone out the door? Reduce house-hold stress as much as possible.

25. There are many kid’s books available that deal specifically with nervousness, fears and worries. These books can be very helpful for kids as the stories will often model various ways of coping with fears and nervousness.

26. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect your child’s self-esteem. Encourage your child to talk to you or other trusted adults about solving problems that are too big to solve by himself.

27. When your child is feeling nervous, encourage her to engage in activities she enjoys (e.g., playing with a favorite toy, doing a fun art or craft activity, doing something active outside, playing a game, reading a book, playing with friends, etc.). Aspergers kids will often need the assistance and attention of their moms and dads to engage in these fun activities if they are feeling nervous.

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook 

28. While these kids are generally not helped when parents demand that they face their fears all at once, they are helped when parents can gently encourage them to approach feared situations. This is because exposure to feared situations leads to desensitization and reduction of the fear and nervousness. However, approaching feared situations can be difficult for nervous kids since they would rather avoid them. One way of helping a youngster approach a feared situation is to go about it in small steps so that each step is achievable and gradually becomes a little more difficult. Another important strategy for moms and dads is to reward the youngster for trying to approach a feared situation. The boy or girl will also find it helpful to be reminded that the fear will get smaller over time. In addition, kids can be reminded of fears and difficult situations that they have overcome in the past.

29. Severe nervousness in these kids can be treated. Early treatment can prevent future difficulties (e.g., loss of friendships, failure to reach social and academic potential, feelings of low self-esteem, etc.). Treatments may include a combination of the following:

• behavioral treatments
• consultation to the school
• family therapy
• individual psychotherapy

30. As a last resort, if nervousness becomes severe and begins to interfere with your youngster’s usual activities, (e.g., separating from parents, attending school, making friends, etc.), then consider anti-anxiety medications prescribed by your doctor.

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.


 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism: Early Identification and Intervention

Young people with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are often misdiagnosed and under-served in the U.S. The difficulty in understanding and acknowledging the disorder by the medical, psychological, and psychiatric community can lead to misdiagnosis and even failure to provide the services needed for these children.

Thus, it is critical that parents who suspect their child may have Aspergers or HFA educate themselves about the early signs associated with this disorder and begin the intervention process early.

Moms and dads frequently begin to suspect that there is something wrong before the age of two.  Many kids who are diagnosed at a very young age with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) may in fact have an autism spectrum disorder.

This is not a disease; rather, it is a developmental neurobiological difference in brain functions and is characterized by the following:

• stereotyped and restricted patterns of behavior, activities, and interests
• qualitative impairment in social interaction
• no significant delay in cognitive development
• no general delay in language

In addition, intense preoccupation with a narrow subject, one-sided verbosity, restricted prosody, and physical clumsiness are typical of the condition, but are not required for diagnosis. Symptoms of Aspergers and HFA are usually recognized during the first three years of childhood; however, it is often not recognized until kids are of school age.

1. Parents may notice a lack of eye contact or social smiles, or they may observe too much eye contact and an appearance of the youngster viewing children as interesting to observe, but not necessarily interact with or seek recognition from. These kids may not have an interest in sharing toys and interests, and tend to be viewed as "lost in their own little world" at times. They may have a greater interest in sensory and physical play with others (e.g., tickling, hugging, piggy back, chasing, video games, fantasy play, repetitive watching of movies, reading books to the exclusion of social interaction, etc.).

2. The disorder impacts normal development of the brain in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. The disorder makes it hard for children to communicate with others and relate to the social world. In some cases, aggressive and/or self-injurious behavior may be present; however, internal behaviors such as withdrawal, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and social isolation may be just as prevalent.

Communication may not appear to be delayed, but comprehension and social language requiring give and take may be lacking. Also, an unusual tone or quality, rote or repetitive speech may present. Blurting out, excessively asking the same question over and over, echoing or mimicking, large vocabulary, or difficulty listening to another and understanding another perspective can be apparent.

Some children on the spectrum demonstrate extreme abilities in remembering facts, numbers, phone numbers, maps, words, birth dates, or other factual information. They may appear very rigid in their point of view, and unable to accept or understand another's perspective. They may appear to never be able to "let it go," or tend towards appearing argumentative or "splitting hairs." A conversation can lead to tantrums, emotional meltdowns, or withdrawal with seemingly little provocation.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 

3. Children with the disorder may exhibit repeated body movements (e.g., hand flapping, rocking), unusual responses to children or attachments to objects and resistance to changes in routines. They may also experience sensitivities in any or all of the five senses.

4. These kids tend to rely heavily on rigid internal rules and struggle with the unwritten social rules of social interaction. Failure often accompanies autistic kids like a close companion. As a result, they may need much reassurance during stressful periods.

5. Empathy can be defined in numerous ways, and non-verbal communication (e.g., posture, gestures, eye contact, facial expression, tone, etc.), are clues in revealing our emotions, attitude, personality, relationships. This helps guide the interpretation of how another feels leading to an empathetic awareness or understanding of others.  This empathetic understanding can be hindered in a child with Aspergers or HFA.

Given that characteristics of the disorder may include a complete lack of the sense of fear or danger, too little or too much eye contact, which can appear as overly aggressive, threatening, or seductive, combined with a hindrance in the ability to judge another person's feelings or intentions accurately, females on the spectrum may be at increased threat for assault, abuse, violence, or worse. Many girls on the spectrum provide stories of being singled-out or picked on mercilessly due to their odd behaviors or just not fitting in and are literally disabled when it came to surviving the more sophisticated social complexity of adolescent society.

6. These young people have difficulty understanding subtle cues. Misunderstandings, literal interpretation, and/or sensory over stimulation can lead to overreactions, irritability, low frustration tolerance, tantrums, aggressiveness, appearing to have an explosive temperament, self stimulation, anxiety, depression, or self injury. They develop a tendency of distrust towards others due to social failures and negative social experiences over time, which can lead to self-isolation and social phobia. This behavioral reaction can be viewed as "rude" by others, and often children on the spectrum struggle to understand why they are not liked or frequently feel rejected.

7. They may become extremely upset if their routine or ritual is changed in any way, and can become agitated if someone touches their things, moves furniture or toys around, or even takes a different driving route to or from school. They may be very rigid and insist on doing things the same way every time, or demonstrate an extreme aversion or experience tantrums during transitions.

Stereotypical movements (e.g., spinning, flapping, lining things up, toe walking, body rocking, grimaces, twirling, pacing, racing around, noise-making, leg bouncing, clearing of the throat, chair rocking) may be more significant or frequent during periods of change or transitions.  An extreme perfectionism or "having to finish" what they have started to the point of meltdowns may be evident especially during unexpected or unwanted transitions.

8. Kids with Aspergers and HFA may display a very narrow or an unusual range of interests, with elaborate or unusual play-based behaviors. They may act-out elaborate rituals, which appear to be creative play, but are actually scripted activities without the variation or creativity of imaginary play. They may demonstrate fixations on things (e.g., Pokémon, television shows, computer games, numbers, trains, cars, etc.), and tend toward lining things up, organizing by color, or even repeating lines verbatim.

9. They may exhibit and excessive desire or intense aversion to sensory input. They may appear hyperactive, and pursue movement to an excessive degree, or they can appear unresponsive or ‘flat’ if overwhelmed hypersensitive to sensory input and movement.  Some may have an unusual or extreme response to sounds and cover their ears in response to vacuum cleaners, hair dryers, crying babies, sirens or other loud or unexpected noise.

Some may be extremely affected by smells, tastes, textures, heat, or commotions. They may have problems falling asleep, or staying asleep. Kids who are overly reactive to crowds and commotion may appear uncomfortable or avoidant of cafeterias, malls, gymnasiums, parties, family gatherings, or even theaters. In reaction, they may feel hot, get a stomach or headache or tantrum, or resist going to such places.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
 

10. They may interact very well with grown-ups, but struggle with appropriately initiating peer interaction or maintaining interest.  Sometimes, kids with the disorder do not notice if a playmate loses interest, or even wanders away. The unwritten social rules seem to be confusing, and interpreting social comments, facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language can be similar to trying to interpret a foreign language.

A general lack of fear may be evident, and kids with Aspergers and HFA may talk openly with strangers, hug strangers, invade other's personal space, bump into peers in lines, touch or climb on others inappropriately, or have excessive or a complete lack of separation anxiety from moms and dads.

11. Motor clumsiness or fine motor difficulties may be present, and intuitive physics may be higher than intuitive psycho-social abilities. The youngster may be able to dismantle and recreate elaborate Lego designs, set a clock, reprogram a VCR, match shapes, or display, artistic or musical talents.

12. Social isolation, a limitation in reciprocation or give and take interactions, tending to be self-absorbed or aloof, a lack of social discrimination, and/or difficulties with social skills are also common in children and teens on the spectrum . Social isolation may look like the youngster is withdrawn, avoiding contact or interaction with children, family, or peers, and a preference towards playing alone or with "things" rather than playmates. Kids with Aspergers and HFA may appear to play next to – but not with – others, and establishing friendships with “give and take” interactions may be lacking.

For a professional to meet only briefly in a single setting is not enough to paint a complete portrait of the child's needs and abilities.  Often, the child can appear to have the behaviors of a mentally handicapped, behaviorally disordered, or hearing impaired person. The behaviors noted are sometimes dismissed as immaturity, odd, or shy.

Early identification and intervention are considered key to positive outcomes for kids on the spectrum. In order to reach all children on the autism spectrum, school psychologists, mental health professionals, physicians, and moms and dads should work together to become better informed regarding research, assessment tools, and diagnostic criteria, as well as the best proactive interventions to increase social skills, personal communication, behavior, and peer interaction for Aspergers and HFA children.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

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