Aspergers and Separation Anxiety

Question

Our son Jack, who is turning 6 next week, and has Aspergers is not coming to terms that mum and dad will be going away for 4 days for a holiday in January (20th to be exact). It is my and my husband 1st year anniversary (strange as it seems after being together for almost 12 years). It is important for us as a couple to have this time away, and a friend in our compound has agreed to look after Jack. She also has a boy who is 6 1/2 years old. I have two other sons who will be going to other houses in the compound whilst we are away. The kids will still be close to each other but not in each other’s pockets.

I tried to explain to Jack via using a calendar of the days we will be away, but he had a complete meltdown. Not sure if this is just a manipulation game but I will admit I haven't left him with anyone for a very long time. Their father leaves a lot for travel for work but mum is always home.

Are you able to provide me with a strategy to discuss with him of our leave away? Should I not go? My only concern with this is that then I will never be able to have time away with my husband and sometimes things get strained as it is.

Is the change too much? We do have a nanny, but not to sound rude, the nannies here in Ghana are not a western nanny and she simply can't cope with Jack - let alone with 3 boys by herself. I can have the option of the nanny staying in the house here with the three kids, but last time we were out and Jack vomited, she left him in his vomit (so not exactly reliable).

Has any other parents asked you this question before? I will admit to you our relationship is not going the greatest so I am hoping that having time away from the kids may help.

Answer

Separation anxiety is a problem for many kids, but with an Aspergers (high functioning autistic) youngster, the situation is even more serious due to sensory issues, poor social skills, and the need for structure and routine.

Separation anxiety is defined as excessive anxiety about becoming separated from mother, father, and any siblings that might be in the home. Aspergers kids experiencing separation anxiety often exhibit generalized fear, anxiety over the possibility of death, and recurrent nightmares. Unlike the occasional worries that kids may feel at times of separation, separation anxiety causes fears that may limit a youngster’s ability to engage in ordinary life.

Normal separation anxiety and “Separation Anxiety Disorder” share many of the same symptoms, so it can be confusing to try to figure out if your youngster just needs time and understanding—or has a more serious problem. The main differences between healthy separation anxiety and a disorder are the intensity of your youngster’s fears, and whether these fears keep him from normal activities. Kids with separation anxiety disorder may become agitated at just the thought of being away from his parents, and may complain of sickness to avoid playing with friends or attending school. When symptoms are extreme enough, these anxieties can add up to a disorder.

Kids with Separation Anxiety Disorder feel constantly worried or fearful about separation. Many kids are overwhelmed with one or more of the following:

• Kids with anxiety disorder may fear that once separated from mom or dad, something will happen to keep the separation (e.g., they may worry about being kidnapped or getting lost).

• Kids with separation problems often have scary dreams about their fears.

• The most common fear a youngster with separation anxiety disorder experiences is the worry that harm will come to his mother or father in the youngster's absence (e.g., the youngster may constantly worry about a parent becoming sick or getting hurt).

Separation Anxiety Disorder can get in the way of a youngster’s normal activities. Kids with this disorder often:

• Shadow you around the house or cling to your arm or leg if you attempt to step out.

• Complain they feel ill.

• Anxiety may make these kids insomniacs, either because of the fear of being alone or due to nightmares about separation.

• A youngster with separation anxiety disorder may have an unreasonable fear of school, and will do almost anything to stay home.

Here are some tips to help your Aspergers youngster deal with his separation anxiety:

• Allow your youngster to call once each evening to reassure him that you will be home soon.

• Anticipate separation difficulty. Be ready for transition points that can cause anxiety for your youngster. If your youngster separates from one parent more easily than the other, have that parent handle the separation.

• Develop a “goodbye” ritual. Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss.

• Educate yourself about separation anxiety. If you learn about how your youngster experiences this condition, you can more easily sympathize with his struggles.

• Give your child a calendar with the days that you will be gone circled. Call daily and have him put a big ‘X’ inside the circle that corresponds to the current date, bringing him that much closer to your return home.

• Have a consistent primary caregiver. If you hire a caregiver, try to stick with this one person for as long as possible.

• Help him practice relaxation. Your youngster can control stress levels with relaxation techniques like yoga, deep breathing, or meditation.

• If possible, try to arrange it so that the anxious youngster and his brother or sister stays with the same caretaker while you’re gone. In this way, the anxious youngster will still be in the presence of a family member throughout your absence.

• Keep a sense of humor. The act of laughing helps the body fight stress in a number of ways.

• Keep calm during separation. If your youngster sees that you can stay cool, he is more likely to be calm, too.

• Keep familiar surroundings when possible. Have the caretaker come to your house.

• Leave him with a picture of you and a personal item of yours before you leave.

• Leave without fanfare. Tell your youngster you are leaving and that you will return, then go—don’t stall.

• Listen to and respect your youngster’s feelings. For a youngster who might already feel isolated by his anxiety, the experience of being listened to can have a powerful helping effect.

• Make new surroundings familiar. When your youngster is away from home, let him take a familiar object with him.

• Make sure he gets enough sleep. Feeling tired will only increase stress, causing him to think irrationally or foggily.

• Make sure your youngster eats right. A well-nourished body is better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what he eats.

• Make sure your youngster exercises regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress.

• Minimize scary television/movies. Your youngster is less likely to be fearful if the shows you watch are not frightening.

• Offer choices. If your youngster is given a choice or some element of control in an activity or interaction with an adult, he may feel more safe and comfortable.

• Practice separation. Leave your youngster with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first.

• Praise your youngster’s efforts. Use the smallest of accomplishments—going to bed without a fuss, a good report from school—as reason to give your youngster positive reinforcement.

• Provide a consistent pattern for the day. Don’t underestimate the importance of predictability for kids with separation problems. If your family’s schedule is going to change, discuss it ahead of time with your youngster.

• Reassure your youngster that you will return and at what day/time.

• Schedule the separation in the morning right after breakfast. Kids are more able to deal with separation anxiety if they are rested and fed.

• Set limits. Let your youngster know that although you understand his feelings, there are rules in your household that need to be followed. And one of the rules is “mommy and daddy go on trips together sometimes.”

• Spend a considerable period of time with your youngster before you leave and upon your return.

• Support the youngster's participation in activities. Encourage your youngster to participate in healthy social and physical activities while you’re gone.

• Talk about the issue. It’s healthier for kids to talk about their feelings—they don’t benefit from “not thinking about it.” Be empathetic, but also remind the youngster—gently—that he survived the last separation.

• Try not to give in. Reassure your youngster that he will be just fine—setting limits will help the adjustment to separation.

If you see any of the following “red flags” and your interventions don’t seem to be enough, it may be necessary to get a professional to diagnose and help your youngster:

• Age-inappropriate clinginess or tantrums
• Constant complaints of physical sickness
• Excessive fear of leaving the house
• Preoccupation with intense fear or guilt
• Refusing to go to school for weeks
• Withdrawal from friends, family, or peers

Therapists can address physical symptoms, identify anxious thoughts, help your youngster develop coping strategies, and foster problem solving. Professional treatment for separation anxiety disorder may include:

• Counseling for the family. Family counseling can help your youngster counteract the thoughts that fuel his or her anxiety, while you as the parent can help your youngster learn coping skills.

• Medication. Medications may be used to treat severe cases of separation anxiety disorder. It should be used only in conjunction with other therapy.

• Play therapy. The therapeutic use of play is a common and effective way to get kids talking about their feelings.

• Talk therapy. Talk therapy provides a safe place for your youngster to express his or her feelings. Having someone to listen empathetically and guide your youngster toward understanding his or her anxiety can be powerful treatment.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers and Enuresis

"We have experienced unusual urination issues with our 'aspie' daughter. She wears pull-ups at night and has never had a dry night, but she will also urinate in containers, bags, purses and even in her play tea set. It doesn't happen as often any more, but has happened as recently as a month ago. She doesn't do it out of anger - it's more like a compulsion and she can't explain why she does it. (She also has a wide variety of other compulsive behaviors we're trying to work though.)"

Enuresis is diagnosed when kids repeatedly urinate in inappropriate places, such as clothing (during the day) or the bed (during the night). In most cases, the youngster's urination problem is involuntary in nature, and is perceived by the youngster as an unavoidable loss of urinary control.

There are three subtypes of Enuresis:

• Nocturnal (night-time) Only

• Diurnal (day-time) Only

• Nocturnal and Diurnal

The DSM criteria for diagnosis state that the urination problem (whether involuntary or intentional) must occur with regularity, at least twice a week, for three consecutive months before the diagnosis applies. The diagnosis cannot be made unless there is evidence that the urination problem causes distress or impairment in the youngster's social or academic functioning.

In Nocturnal Only Enuresis, the most common form of enuresis, kids wet themselves during nighttime sleep. Typically, wetting occurs during the first third of the night, but it is not uncommon for wetting to occur later, during REM sleep. In this latter case, kids may recall having a dream that they were urinating.

Diurnal Only Enuresis, where kids wet themselves only during waking hours, is less common than nighttime bedwetting. This type of enuresis is more common in females than in males, and is uncommon altogether after age 9. Kids who are affected by this type of disorder will typically either have urge incontinence (i.e., they feel a sudden overwhelming urge to urinate) or voiding postponement (i.e., they know they need to urinate, but put off actually going to the bathroom until it is too late).

As the name suggests, kids with Nocturnal and Diurnal Enuresis suffer from a combination of the two scenarios described above.

Predisposing factors that contribute to increased risk of developing enuresis include:

• abnormal urinary functioning
• delayed or lax toilet training
• psycho-social issues (e.g., social anxiety)
• reduced bladder capacity
• unstable bladder syndrome (i.e., a condition wherein the youngster's bladder contracts involuntarily, resulting in sudden urine leakage)

Enuresis is most frequent in younger kids, and becomes less common as kids mature. According to the DSM, while as many as 10% of five year olds qualify for the diagnosis, by age fifteen, only 1% of kids have enuresis.

Enuresis is typically experienced as an embarrassing and shameful condition, particularly if the affected youngster is older. Kids with enuresis may be ostracized, teased and bullied by peers. In addition, they may face caregivers' anger, rejection and punishment for not meeting developmental expectations. Prompt treatment for enuresis can help to head off potential self-esteem problems associated with the condition.

Treatment involves a range of strategies including:

• cleanliness training (kids help thoroughly clean the bedding and mattress when accidents occur)
• family encouragement of good toilet habits and successful progress.
• mild punishment (primarily disapproval when accidents occur)
• nighttime waking (kids learn to wake themselves in the night to use the restroom)
• positive practice (parents help their youngster to develop the habit of going to the bathroom at regular intervals during the day, just before sleep, and during the nighttime in order to avoid accidents)
• positive reinforcement (rewards or praise) for urinating appropriately
• urine retention control training (strategies to promote better bladder control)

Success rates associated with this Enuresis treatment appear to be around 85%, with relapse rates falling between 7%-29%.

Some physicians may suggest a pharmacological treatment for Enuresis. The most commonly prescribed drug is imipramine (Tofranil) which is an old-style tricyclic antidepressant. Imipramine treatment is often a successful treatment in the short term, with between 40 and 50 % of kids showing improvement. However, when the drug is discontinued, about 2/3 of kids show a relapse and begin enuresis behavior again.

Alternatives to antidepressant therapy for enuresis exist. Desmopressin (DDAVP) is a synthetic form of a natural pituitary antidiuretic hormone which reduces urinary production by instructing the kidneys to retain water inside the body rather than excreting it. Administering Desmopressin to kids reduces their urine output dramatically, making it easier for them to maintain continence. Between 10 and 60 % of kids with enuresis taking DDAVP show improvements. However, as is the case with Imipramine, relapses back into enuresis are common when the drug is discontinued.

Due to their better side effect profiles and longer lasting effects, behavioral treatments for enuresis are usually recommended over medical ones with rare exception.  

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==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

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Can children with Aspergers also get diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder?

Question

Could you tell me if some children with Asperger's also get diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? Our daughter has always had mood issues but we can usually identify causes, such as sensory issues, anxiety or overstimulation. We have just had an IEE FBA done on my daughter at school. The school has not been implementing her BIP, and she has been running the show. She is in 7th grade. The school district is so out of compliance with IDEA 2004. None of the Teacher's or staff are trained.

This behavior specialist wants us to go to a Psychiatrist to get a "clean diagnosis." We have had numerous testing done on her over the years. She was diagnosed at 4 years with ADHD, then at 5 with PDD-NOS. We took her to University of Texas Health Science Center and they diagnosed "High Functioning Autism" at 6 years. The doctor told us that it was essentially the same as Asperger's.

Answer

A diagnosis of both Aspergers and Bipolar is especially problematic because there are fundamental differences between ‘Aspergers mood states’ versus ‘mood states of a child without Aspergers’. Four specific domains need to be considered in the process of diagnosis:

• ‘Psychosocial masking’ make some unusual behaviors seem like disorders when they are not.
• ‘Intellectual distortion’ involves confusion in communication; a person may say he is afraid instead of angry.
• ‘Cognitive disintegration’ may interfere with proper diagnosis since a child may exhibit odd behavior in response to seemingly insignificant occurrences.
• ‘Baseline exaggeration’ differences suggest that unusual base behaviors can interfere with proper diagnosis.

Bipolar Disorder (BD) can be misdiagnosed as Aspergers (AS) because BD can present itself via symptoms such as obsessive compulsive behavior, odd habits, and bouts of rage. Children with BD and AS both have symptoms that lead to lacking social development skills, educational issues, behavioral issues, and anger issues.

BD can also be present in conjunction with AS. Typically, this is the case. It is unknown, however, if the BD is a result of the AS, or if the same neurological issues that cause AS are related to the chemical imbalances in the brain thought to be the cause of BP. Answers to these questions will likely come to light as research in neurological, technological and psychiatric areas continue to progress.

Medication treatments for BD and AS are quite similar. There are no medications for AS; however, medications exist to treat the symptoms of AS. Since the symptoms of AS (e.g., depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and anxiety) are the same symptoms often experienced with BD, the medications used in both instances are the same.

Counseling treatments are also commonly used for both BD and AS, used in conjunction with medication or alone. Most AS children do not need medication. Counseling is required, however, to help the child cope with her disability. Counseling treatments for BD are considered necessary, with or without medication. These treatments can help the child learn to recognize and correct irrational emotions or behavior.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Does Your Child Have Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, or Both?

"Is ADHD a result/symptom of Aspergers, or do the two disorders tend to coincide with one another?"

People often wonder if these two disorders are opposite, independent, or correlated. At first blush, ADHD seems to be short attention span and inability to focus, and Aspergers (high functioning autism) the opposite problem. But then, descriptions of ADHD also mention ‘hyper-focus’. If they do turn out to be correlated or similar, then what are the differences between the two?

Aspergers and ADHD share some similarities that can make diagnosis challenging. However, a close examination of their definitions reveals that the attention problems in Asperger are quite different from ADHD symptoms. The fact that a child can have both Aspergers and ADHD further adds to the confusion. Roughly 60-70 % of children with Aspergers have symptoms which are compatible with an ADHD diagnosis.

Here are some of the similarities between ADHD and Aspergers:

• Attention problems
• Irrationally energetic activity
• Learning problems
• Often appears to not be listening to someone during a conversation
• Problems following directions
• Says inappropriate things and has problems figuring out the appropriate response to some situations
• Talking at someone or talking nonstop
• Tantrums
• When younger, difficulty accepting soothing or holding

Both Aspergers children and ADHD children have serious sensory integration problems, can be uncoordinated and impulsive, and they both very much respond positively to structure and routine. Whenever there is a deficit in executive functions, it manifests itself in inattentiveness, distractability and impulsivity – three areas recognized on both the Aspergers and ADHD checklist of behaviors.

Here are some of the differences between ADHD and Aspergers:

1. Aspergers focuses more on attention problems related to (a) a need for strict routines, (b) language difficulties, (c) obsessive rituals, and (d) self-stimulating behaviors. Conversely, ADHD focuses more on attention problems related to (a) impulsivity and (b) hyperactivity.

2. A child with Aspergers has the ability to focus on an activity of interest. A child with ADHD does not.

3. An Aspergers child tends to focus on only one activity with a level of intensity that excludes everything else in his environment (e.g., he may spin an object for hours and refuse to engage in any other activity). On the other hand, an ADHD child tends to be interested in multiple activities, but is easily distracted by the environment and jumps from one activity to the next.

4. A child with Aspergers may get angry if his routine or favorite activity is interrupted, but he does not generally show a wide range of emotions in public. A child with ADHD may be prone to express emotions directly and clearly.

5. An Aspergers child can stick with one activity for long periods of time. The child with ADHD may not be able to focus on any activity or subject for more than a few minutes.

6. Children with Aspergers and children with ADHD usually want to have friends. Both groups have poor “rite-of-entry” skills and both groups play badly. Yet both groups usually fail socially for different reasons. With Aspergers, the behavior is so unusual and idiosyncratic that the child is viewed as a “nerd” or a “weirdo”. With ADHD, the behavior is so loud and chaotic that the child is viewed as annoying or disruptive.

7. Children with Aspergers like rules, but break the ones they don’t understand. Children with ADHD frequently break rules they understand, but defy and dislike.

8. Children with Aspergers are often oppositional in the service of avoiding something that makes them anxious. Children with ADHD are often oppositional in the service of seeking attention.

9. Children with Aspergers crave order, hate discrepancy, and explode (or withdraw) in the face of violation of expectations. Thus, they are very brittle and fragile. Children with Aspergers are much more tyrannized by details – they accumulate them, but cannot prioritize them. Children with ADHD also have poor organizational skills, but can be much more fluid in their thinking, more inferential in their comprehension, and less rigid in their treatment of facts that they are able to organize.

10. An Aspergers child can talk or play quietly. An ADHD child finds talking or playing quietly very difficult.

11. An Aspergers child has difficulty waiting for his turn in games or activities due to a lack of social intelligence. An ADHD child has difficulty waiting for his turn due to impulsivity.

12. Both groups seem not to listen when spoken to directly, but for different reasons. It appears that the Aspergers child is not paying attention because he avoids direct eye-contact. It appears that the ADHD child is not listening because he is focused on other things at the time.

The main differences between Aspergers and ADHD deal with focused attention ability as well as whether or not obsessive behaviors and sensory issues are present.

It is possible for a child to have a cormorbidity of ADHD and Aspergers (i.e., both conditions are present). A child with both conditions will have more ADHD symptoms (e.g., impulsivity and hyperactivity) than common in Aspergers.

The problem with the Aspergers - ADHD overlap is that, at the more severe margins of the ADHD spectrum and the less extreme margins of the Aspergers spectrum, clinicians can legitimately argue for one over the other diagnosis. It is common for a child with Aspergers to first be diagnosed with ADHD due to attention and behavioral issues. As further tests are done and more specialists get involved, a more specific diagnosis of Aspergers is often made.

Most of the processes to get these labels placed are not an exact science, and the frustrating process for parents, teachers, and medical professionals is finding the right label to make sure that the right approaches are taken to help the child progress in the best manner possible.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers and Insecure Attachments

Question

Our foster son was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 3 years. When he was 3 1/2, he was taken into foster care and placed with us because of his mother's physical and mental health issues. She has since passed away. He is now 12 years old. He has come a long way with his autism and is a loving, verbal boy who interacts well with adults and children for the most part. He attends a regular public school with full-time support of an educational assistant in the classroom.

Over the past two years approximately, he has developed an issue with diapers and underwear. He will find a diaper (new or used) and urinate in it, sometimes leaving it in the bathroom, other times hiding it somewhere. He does the same thing with underwear - his own or other people's, especially that of younger children. He sometimes puts on 5 or 6 pair of his own undershorts at a time - and sometimes urinates in them, or not - just seems to like the way it feels to wear multiple pairs at once. We have grandchildren and have also had younger foster children in our home, so he has access to diapers and underwear. He feels bad when this happens and usually tells me about it when we are going through our bedtime routine. He is confused about this behaviour and angry with himself for doing it and that he cannot control it. We have talked about what he can do if he feels the urge - get busy with another activity, come and talk to me, etc. When the urge hits, it seems to overpower all reason. The incidents often occur when our routine is disrupted or there is stress of some kind - for example, it happened several times before, during and after a recent trip out of the country.

I am wondering if counselling would help. Could this behaviour possibly be related to neglect experienced in his baby years? Any insight on the reasons for this fixation and strategies for addressing it would be welcome.

Answer

There are certainly a number of issues with the way he is developing. A combination of some cognitive-behavioral therapy for him and some parent guidance for you may well make a difference. The sorts of behaviors you describe are often a result of inadequate parenting during the early years. Inadequate parenting results in children who feel vulnerable and insecure and who do not have solid attachments to others.

Click here for important information on Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Top 30 Best Books on Aspergers

1. All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome - by Kathy Hoopman

2. Ask and Tell: Self-Advocacy and Disclosure for People on the Autism Spectrum - by Liane Holliday Willey

3. Asperger Syndrome and Bullying: Strategies and Solutions - by Nick Dubin

4. Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook: An Employment Workbook for Adults with Asperger Syndrome - by Roger N. Meye

5. Asperger Syndrome, the Universe and Everything - by Kenneth Hall

6. Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook [in eBook form] - by Mark Hutten

7. Asperger's Syndrome and Adults: Is Anyone Listening? Essays and Poems by Partners, Parents and Family Members - by Karen E. Rodman

8. Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals - by Tony Attwood

9. Asperger's: What Does It Mean to Me? - by Gary B. Mesibov

10. Autism-An Inside-Out Approach: An Innovative Look at the Mechanics of 'Autism' and Its Developmental 'Cousins' - by Donna Williams

11. Blue Bottle Mystery: An Asperger Adventure - by Kathy Hoopmann

12. Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome? A Guide For Friends and Family - by Jude Welton

13. Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism - by Temple Grandin

14. Finding Ben : A Mother's Journey Through the Maze of Asperger's - by Barbara LaSalle

15. Freaks, Geeks & Asperger Syndrome - by Luke Jackson

16. How to Find Work That Works for People with Asperger Syndrome: The Ultimate Guide for Getting People With Asperger Syndrome into the Workplace - by Gail Hawkins

17. Lisa and the Lacemaker: An Asperger Adventure - by Kathy Hoopmann

18. Loving Mr. Spock: Understanding a Lover with Asperger's Syndrome - by Barbara Jacobs

19. Natural Genius: The Gifts of Asperger's Syndrome - by Susan Rubinyi

20. Perfect Targets: Asperger Syndrome and Bullying--Practical Solutions for Surviving the Social World - by Brenda Smith Myles

21. Running on Dreams - by Herb Heiman

22. Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome: Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Drawbacks to Achieve Success - by Juanita P. Lovett

23. Something Different About Dad: How to Live With Your Asperger's Parent - by Kirsti Evans

24. Standing Down Falling Up: Asperger's Syndrome from the Inside Out - by Nita Jackson

25. The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome - by Tony Attwood

26. The Hidden Curriculum: Practical Solutions for Understanding Unstated Rules in Social Situations - by Brenda Smith Myles

27. The OASIS Guide to Asperger Syndrome: Advice, Support, Insight, and Inspiration - by Patricia Romanowski Bashe

28. The Self-Help Guide for Special Kids and Their Parents - by Joan Lord Matthews

29. This Is Asperger Syndrome - by Elisa Gagnon

30. Your Life is Not a Label: A Guide to Living Fully with Autism and Asperger's Syndrome - by Jerry Newport

Tips For Teens With Aspergers: How To Avoid Being A 'Geek'

1. Before you do anything, make sure you acknowledge the fact that you do some things well. Just because you find school or work hard doesn't mean that everything else is hard, too.

2. Brush your teeth 2-3 times daily, rinse out your mouth and spit. With the remaining toothpaste in your mouth, brush your tongue. Place brush on the back of your tongue and scrape forward. This will significantly reduce bad breath. Flossing also reduces oral bacteria and removes solid food particles to freshen breath.

3. Wash your face every morning and night. If your face is very oily, do it 3 times a day. Make sure to pay attention to the sleep that gathers in the corners of the eyes.

4. Clip and clean your fingernails and toenails at least once every week or once every two weeks, it depends on how much you're nails grow.

5. Consult a psychologist, licensed social worker, occupational therapist, or a psychiatrist to learn more about Aspergers. As therapists, they may develop a treatment plan to assist with daily living.

6. Cover your mouth or turn away from people when you cough and sneeze. It's not just manners, as you could spread illness even when healthy. It is now being taught to cough or sneeze into the crook of your elbow/sleeve. This keeps germs from your hands which might contaminate others before you get an opportunity to wash.

7. Decide how you're going to tackle a particular problem, what you're going to need, and then plan out how you're going to do it. For example, if you are being bullied in school, you can plan to avoid the bully as much as possible, and find out what behavior makes them do it more and avoid doing it, or tell the class teacher. Or if you're falling behind in class, you could find out your individual "learning style" (type "VAK model" into Google for details of this) and use this as a basis for your learning approach. Most problems have a solution!

8. Do not over-apply perfume or cologne. Many people are allergic to perfumes and you will, unknowingly, cause a reaction. Plus, there is no reason for people to "smell you coming" or smell you once you've left the room. Dab a little on your wrists or neck for a subtle smell.

9. Don't think of Aspergers as a disease – think of it as a personality type. Every personality type has its positives and negatives. People with Aspergers are generally very intelligent, but need help with social skills, such as anxiety management, choice making, and being optimistic.

10. Focus on the positives.

11. Have special "coping strategies" to help you cope with tough situations. But don't try anything self-destructive. That will just make your situation worse.

12. Join some clubs that feature activities of interest. Aspies tend to be interested in a few narrow activities, and uninterested in anything outside of them.

13. Learn when it is appropriate to touch and approach people. Practice what you learned and try to follow the treatment plan recommendations.

14. Learn which specific aspects of Aspergers give you the most trouble, and try to work around them.

15. Maintain eye contact, but do not stare. The best way to achieve eye contact is to look at their left eye briefly and then shift to their right eye.

16. Memorize people's behavior when they are distressed. Ask friends how actions may have caused distress. Ask friends how to prevent causing distress in the future.

17. Practice good bathroom hygiene. Always wipe yourself clean and wash your hands using plenty of soap and warm water.

18. Pray and trust in your Higher Power [I call my Higher Power “God”].

19. Remember to talk with people – don't "talk at" them. A good ratio in a one on one conversation is to listen about 60% of the time and talk about 30%. Try not to talk for more than five to ten minutes at a time. Let the other person, or people, set the pace of the conversation.

20. Remember, some agencies have special social and support groups for people with Aspergers. Look around to see if there is one around you and join one! This will give you a safe place to make friends and learn social skills.

21. Seek support from family and friends.

22. Shower or bathe daily. Many people fail to do this and are incorrect when assuming they do not smell. What happens is your nose gets fatigued thereby, not being able to smell your odor. This effect occurs with car air fresheners as well. You won't smell it after a time, while others will smell it right away.

23. Try to behave in a manner that is seen as acceptable. Allow enough of your uniqueness through to intrigue people, but try to keep most of it under control.

24. Use a treatment plan to develop social skills. Some of the things practiced may include learning how to converse with people in different social situations. Try to follow your plan as well as possible. If you do not succeed at some points, it doesn't matter - so long as you learn from it and try to limit mistakes. Everybody has off days. Alternatively, this could mean your plan needs some changes to make it right for you.

25. Wash and change your clothes. You don't have to throw clothes into the wash after one usage (with the exception of underwear). But know when to throw clothes into the wash. If you stain your clothes or sweat during the day, then wash them. Dirty clothes are another source of bad odor.

26. Make sure you wash your hair on a regular basis. You may not realize it but your hair can hold odors that others find offensive. Also brush your hair daily, especially when you are going to be in public.

27. Wash your hands after using the bathroom, before eating and after possible contamination. Whenever possible, wash your hands and use a towel to dry them. When washing hands it is recommended that you use soap, and lather the soap in warm water for at least 15 seconds. You can sing Happy Birthday in this amount of time.

28. Wear deodorant. It doesn't matter if you think you don't smell or barely sweat. Just buy deodorant and use it. The issue mentioned above applies here too. You may stink of sour or musky sweat and not realize it. It's better to be safe than sorry, as it's cheap and convenient to apply. At worst, you go from smelling like nothing to smelling lightly of deodorant. At best, you go from driving people away to smelling better.

29. You need to write down what you think you find the most difficult about school and/or work. Maybe it's the crowds and noise, or perhaps the worry about bullying, or teachers stereotyping you as "thick". Whatever you choose to put down on there, everybody has something that causes them hassle.

30. Exercise, eat right, and get 8 hours of sleep every night.

Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance